Kaji could have invited trumpeters to his birthday. "We need actual fanfare," Tsuchiura said to Len and Kaho. They should have contacted Hihara in Japan.
Their host, Kaji's bandmate, had placed a shiny plastic crown on Kaji's head and a Cape around his shoulders. Kaji had drawn the line at a fake scepter.
"He should have kept the scepter," Tsuchiura said. Ryo made a lazy motion with his hand, "He could use it to knight someone. You are now a member of the Royal order of... What is their fandom name, anyway? ARMY?"
"That's the name of BTS' fandom," Kaho said. She went through the fandom names in her head: EXO's is EXO-L, NCT's is NCTzen, BLACKPINK's is BLINK...
"ARMY, huh? If you're a fan, but you don't want other people to know, do you call yourself a secret agent?"
"I think a ceremonial sword and not a scepter is used for knighting," Len said out of the blue.
Tsuchiura ignored him. "Have you ever been to one of these parties, Kaho?"
Kaho replied that she hadn't. She enjoyed the fan videos on Twitter and YouTube, though. Last year, Kaji's birthday had coincided with one of their concerts, so there was a special segment with the guys singing him Happy Birthday in different genres (they had lots of fun with Opera and RNB). When one of his bandmates blew out the candles before Kaji could, the look on Kaji's face had been priceless.
Mori said she wouldn't mind owning one of the light sticks the fans brought to the concerts.
Except for the stage (or dais, maybe, for the birthday celebrator), the aforementioned lightsticks, the cheer towels, and the group singing, it was a regular birthday party.
"He bought tiaras for his fans to wear," Mori said, looking over the crowd from backstage. "Isn't this day supposed to be about him?"
"I guess Kaji just wants to make them feel special," Kaho said.
Len added: "He's grateful to them. He knows he wouldn't be here without their support."
On the way to the venue, Kaho had talked to Len about Kaji's invitation.
"I'm surprised he invited you," Kaho said.
Len shrugged. "He's free to invite anyone he wants."
She thought Kaji was angry at Len. He had confronted him, and they had talked about her, of course, but Len hadn't revealed much about what happened at the rose garden. Len told her that Kaji was concerned about how Len would treat her.
" I know but-" Kaho began.
"But?" Len asked.
"I don't think we can avoid disappointments. We won't purposely try to hurt each other, but we might not be able to tell when the other person is upset so...I suppose, when we do make mistakes, the best we can do is learn from them. "
She knew that Len tried to learn from his.
She let her gaze fall upon him. Whoever said love was grand, was right.
They watched as Kaji, Yul, and their host made fun of Kaji's baby photos. The images were huge and were projected on the wall for everyone to ogle.
There was one photo of him as a grade school kid. He was holding a violin.
"This is a rare find," their host, JD, said to the audience. He grinned at Kaji, who looked at the picture with a bit of surprise before his expression turned sheepish.
"I used to play the violin," Kaji said. The audience made a collective "ooooh" sound.
Kaji turned to them and said in a slightly embarrassed way that he'd never been particularly good at it.
The audience was disbelieving. "No, it's true. I sucked."
"That's why he admires musicians," JD revealed. He turned his broad smile to the audience, "We've talked about his ideal type in lots of interviews. He likes girls who can play an instrument. "
"Wonder why he doesn't mention the violin specifically," Tsuchiura said.
"This audience already knows or has already guessed his preferences," Len said.
JD brought out a board that had pictures of different instruments stuck on it. "So," JD said, " which instrument is your favorite? Not the one you'd like to play yourself, but which sound do you like the best?"
There was a violin, a viola, cello, trumpet, piano, and flute.
"I like all of these," he said. "Each instrument has its own charm."
"Ahh. But you have to pick one or else there won't be an outcome to this game. You pick a favorite, and we'll see which prize is under the picture."
"How about I pick someone from the audience, and they get to keep whatever is behind the picture?"
JD laughed. "I actually don't know what's under these. What if the prize is something only a guy could use?"
"Then, they can trade it with a hug from me."
The girls squealed.
"He knows them well," Tsuchiura said, shaking his head slightly. "His birthday is less about him and more about his fans."
Kaho thought Kaji was very sweet. It had probably been planned beforehand, but JD had allowed more than one prize to get picked. He'd said: "Pick another one! let's call another person from the audience!"
One of the prizes was a video call from one of Kaji's old friends. They watched the video, and Kaji had allowed the girl who'd picked the prize to hug him since it wasn't a gift she could take home.
Yul had brought in Kaji's cakes after. There was a red velvet ice cream cake which Kaji loved and another chocolate one that was two tiers and had been decorated to look like tree bark. Kaji's name and the fandom name was drawn into the faux bark icing in the way couples would carve their initials on a tree.
Upon seeing the cake, Kaho asked Mori, "That's pretty cute. Would you like something similar for a wedding cake?"
Tsuchiura and Mori considered the idea. "You mean RT+MM for me and Mori?" Tsuchiura said.
"It'd make pretty centerpieces for the tables at the reception," Mori said. She and Tsuchiura had already gone to some shops; they'd seen a lot of beautiful designs, and Mori had fun going over ideas. Mori's favorites had been the cakes that looked like they'd been decorated with a watercolor brush.
"That sounds lovely!" Kaho exclaimed.
"How about you Kaho, are you already thinking about wedding cakes?" Tsuchiura said in a teasing voice.
Kaho gave him a quelling look, then quickly threw a glance over her shoulder. She was glad Len had gone to the bathroom and hadn't seen her ears go red.
Yes, she had a Pinterest board for wedding ideas. And Tsuchiura might have seen it by accident, but it wasn't something she'd started because she already had the groom in mind. The wedding gowns and the different color schemes and invitations were inspiring; she was merely collecting pictures.
"Maybe it's better to start off with a ring," she said, pursing her lips.
"I could suggest it to him," Tsuchiura replied conspiratorially. Clearly, he wasn't done with the teasing.
Kaho was saved from having to make a reply when Tsuchiura's phone rang. Kaho pointed to one of the exits, made her way out near the side of the stage with Mori, and found herself standing next to one of Kaji's managers.
The cheers had become louder since Yul had wheeled in the cakes. He'd given a short speech and had just finished thanking Kaji for being his "kindest and most considerate friend". The energetic crowd cheered and waved their lightsticks in the air.
After Yul's speech, Kaji hugged him and thanked his other bandmates even though they couldn't make it to the party. Kaji named all of them and thanked them for making an effort to greet him at midnight.
"Thanks for synchronizing your watches and for sending me greetings on Instagram. You are my brothers. I'm glad we've built this strong bond over the years." He then addressed the audience, "You guys changed our lives...We wouldn't be living our dreams without your support. Thank you not only for buying our albums but also for caring about us and worrying if we're healthy. The guys and I will continue to do our best. I hope that on my next birthday, I'll get to see your smiles again." He signaled to his friends. "And I hope this song will make you smile too."
Beside him, Yul and JD had grabbed their mikes. The lights had dimmed." I know it's my birthday, but I think there's no better time to give this gift. "
A spotlight shone on Kaji, and he smiled winsomely. " This song was written by one of my friends. I hope you all like it. "
.
.
.
Tsuchiura had walked up behind her. "So this was Len's plan," he said softly. "Kaji's right. There's no better time than his birthday."
Kaho didn't look at him. She was transfixed by the song. The song she had written. Her song.
She had never imagined it could sound so beautiful, so real, so nostalgic.
"I must be dreaming," she said aloud.
"The guitars are nice. They could easily make an orchestral version with this one."Tsuchiura said as Yul and JD were illuminated. He murmured something about wanting to learn Korean.
She only nodded. She could translate for him if he wanted, but she was preoccupied with her own thoughts and feelings. She'd said before that when a musician performed a piece of music, it was as if he was giving life to something – or, perhaps, resurrecting sound. She felt as if her dreams were being given new life as the music enveloped her.
Like being pulled by the current
Like floating around the ocean
I'm getting tired, but I don't see paradise
I need your warmth
It tells me that I'm alright
I need you, I need you
She was confused. How did they even...? She was caught between the emotion in their voices and the emotion pushing against her chest. How was this possible? How did they get a copy of her song?
Grab my hand and draw a circle
That's how much we've shared
My whole heart is by your side
Your dreams are by my side
Once again we're connected without an end
She struggled to contain a swell of tenderness that was almost more than she could bear. Her voice wobbled when she asked, "Where is Len?"
.
.
.
Len viewed the stage from a balcony above the fans. "I wonder if Kaho would have let us listen to these songs," Miyabi said, surprising him.
He supposed that if he hadn't kept the USB, it would have taken a while before Kaho shared her compositions with him.
He doubted she would have thought of the possibility of Kaji singing her songs, though Kaji himself had told her he would enjoy performing them with his bandmates. Kaji, of course, wouldn't be allowed because of restrictions in his contract, but based on the conversation he'd had with him, Kaji could sing it during his birthday. He'd told Len about his bandmates who had other creative outlets and original projects of their own: JD liked uploading cover songs from the Disney musicals on his Instagram. Another bandmate produced Lo-fi sounds and shared his work through Sound cloud. If the company had objections, Kaji would reason that it was his birthday, and the song was dedicated to the fans. Kaji had said that he would be given some leeway. He'd doubted their bosses would be thinking of a loss in profit.
Though they, the higher-ups, might consider the gain and discuss the possibility of working with Kaho based on the public's response, Len thought. She had the work ethic and she already had the output; she could handle it.
"I'm not sure how she'll be able to take all of this in," Miyabi said.
"I have a question for you," Len said. He saw Miyabi quirk a brow as he turned to face her fully.
"If your brother would support your singing career, would you pursue it? Would you like to have your own album?"
Miyabi blinked several times. "Wait, what?"
"I think you have enough skill and charisma to be successful. I'm sure when Yunoki heard you sing Kaho's song, he considered the possibility of arranging something for you," he said.
The video call with Yunoki had reminded him of the importance of connections. Talent was desired above all, and perseverance was essential if one was to become ready, but connections opened the way to opportunities. A life-altering break wouldn't wait and could pass one by, but it would be available to someone who had been working hard and had prepared even before there were any opportunities in sight. He thought Kaho was that someone.
"What are you talking about? Did Azuma...wait, he heard me sing?"
"Shimizu sent him a copy of the recording," Len said.
Aside from that, Len thought, Yunoki might have seen it through other social media. If Shimizu's promotion got the attention they wanted, he expected Miyabi would eventually be interviewed about her performance.
"Oh," she said. "Do you really think I have a chance?"
"I do," he said. "It's the same with you and Kaho, you already have the skills."
"I think I understand why she likes you, Len," Miyabi said. "Can I call you Len? Or maybe just plain Tsukimori, like Tsuchi does?"
Tsuchi?
Miyabi smiled at his confusion. "Thanks for everything, Tsuki," she said, hugging him before he could back away. She laughed at his frown.
"I'm sure Kaho's 'thank yous' will be more interesting," she whispered then laughed as Len frowned.
.
.
Kaho ascended the steps to the balcony. She was almost at the top when she ran into Miyabi, "Have you seen Len?" she asked. "I predict good fortune for you, Hino-san," Miyabi said with the air of a fortune teller. She ignored Kaho's confusion and solemnly, she added, "Go and meet your future."
"What's up with you?" Kaho asked.
Miyabi laughed. "I just felt that you should have found him more quickly," she said. "I really like your song, by the way."
Kaho blushed. "Thank you."
"Were the lyrics inspired by him?"
Kaho's blush intensified.
"Hmmm. Do you already have a theme song?" Miyabi asked. "Hey, what about you write a song together?" Miyabi smiled again and let go of Kaho's hands. Kaho blinked at her. "I can't believe you let me hold you up," Miyabi said with a sigh. "You're too nice for your own good."
"If you're like that –" Miyabi said. "No, I don't think he'll be stolen even if he is innocent. You two are very much alike." She patted her friend on the shoulder and continued down the stairs.
Kaho let Miyabi pass, she had no time to puzzle out Miyabi's words. She took one step after another while the song faded in her ears. No matter where she was, her heart was tied with Len's. The closer she stepped, the closer she was to meeting her own feelings. Though he had his back to her, it almost hurt to look at him. She heard the audience say their goodbyes to Kaji and his friends.
Len turned before she could whisper his name. It was then that she jumped into his arms. She held him close and sighed.
"I never thought it could feel this way," she said.
He cradled her face with callused fingers. She leaned into his touch. "I told you," he said. "More people should hear your music."
She shook her head and smiled as she looked into his eyes. "Thank you," she said. "I'll treasure this forever."
You and I. Whatever happens, I'll throw the doors open and greet our future. She'd voiced the words, to which Len replied, "You're speaking in song lyrics."
She smiled at that. "Would you like to write a song with me?" she asked, placing a hand to his temple. She had to be more confident about her next idea. She brushed her lips against his.
"It could start with..."
"A kiss?" he asked.
"'When I kiss you, I know everything I have is yours. Every part of me belongs to you.'"
She looked at him longingly, and he answered with a kiss on the forehead. "How about, 'When I kiss you, I know I can wait.'"
"Wait for what?" She whispered in his ear.
He kissed the angle of her jaw. "'When I kiss you, I know I can wait..." he said again.
He held her face and, at the same time, put some distance between them. He continued, "Because one day, all the rest will be mine."
She blinked up at him. He gave her an indulgent smile, and she blushed. "Only when you're ready," he said.
Had she been thinking about...that? She wasn't sure. Then again, as soon as he'd said the phrase "only when you're ready", her blush had climbed to her ears and reached down her neck.
If her expectations had been right, she was supposed to be the first to say those words to him. He took her hand, and after she'd pondered his words, she noticed they had already made their way to the orchestra level.
"Wait a minute!" she said, stopping in her tracks and pulling Len to face her.
Was she ready?
Well, what did she have in mind? She'd only meant that she loved and wanted him. If he was ready, well...
She could feel her ears burning. "I don't have anything else to say, I guess," she said, backtracking. "I mean, I know we're in a serious relationship. And you already introduced me to your mother."
Her eyes met his, and he said, "I suppose you're waiting for me, too."
Yes! That was precisely her point! She was waiting for him.
"I'm old fashioned," he answered.
So am I, she almost blurted. She was, actually. Except, she wanted to hear him say where they were headed. Love. Relationship. Marriage. She looked down at the floor. People walked past, moving to the exit.
"I wasn't –" she broke off. He was still smiling at her. "I just want –" she broke off again. "I just want us. You and I."
Once he left Korea, they would be apart again. She would look up at a bright sun while a moon hung in his sky. "Together...at the end of my day and at the beginning of yours," she said. "Maybe, that's how it'll be."
"I won't always be in Europe," he said. "I could be over in Japan. There won't be a time difference."
"Still, you won't be as close as I want you to be," she whispered.
He pulled her to a hidden corner and kissed her hairline. "I'll carry your feelings with me," he said. "And you will have mine."
As long as they felt the same way, there would only be meetings to look forward to. Raising herself on her toes, she kissed him softly on the lips. She echoed his words: "One day, I'll have the rest as well."
Tsuchiura cleared his throat. "I didn't think you'd be the one to say that, Hino."
Kaho blushed fiercely, and with a calm she didn't feel, stepped primly away from Len. Tsuchiura continued, "At least I didn't catch you making out this time. I'm glad I volunteered to look for you instead of Kaji." He sighed. "I'd like to spare the guy from more awkwardness."
"Spare me from what, Tsuchiura? I didn't catch that last part."
Tsuchiura's head jerked sideways. "Don't sneak up on me like that!" he shouted. "Does Kpop give you stealth training? You keep popping up out of nowhere!"
Tushiura waved a hand in the air. "Never mind," he said dismissively. "You came just in time."
"Did I miss something?" Kaji asked.
"No," Tsuchiura said. "Be glad you weren't here before I was," he muttered.
Kaji turned to the couple in front of them. "If you don't mind, Len, I'd like some time to speak with Kahoko," Kaji said, meeting Len's gaze. "Alone," he said with emphasis, "if you're ok with it."
.
.
.
"When I saw you come in, I thought you'd meant to talk to Len," Kaho said as Kaji opened the door for her. For the moment, they would have the privacy of Kaji's dressing room. JD and Yul were somewhere making a video for their YouTube channel.
"I'm out of practice," Kaji said with a grin. Instead of sitting next to her, Kaji opted to sit on the leather couch across the coffee table between them.
"Did you like our performance?" Kaji asked. His voice sounded almost sheepish.
"I more than liked it," Kaho said. "I was – I can't tell you what it felt like to hear my song. It was almost as if you were singing it in concert."
"When the guitar came in, I couldn't keep my jaw from dropping," she said. "I was overwhelmed. You, JD, and Yul were captivating."
"Thanks," Kaji said. "I knew you'd like it. Len hoped you would." He scratched the back of his head, "Ah, I feel like Len's going to sneak up on me because I keep using his first name. I don't think I've gotten his permission to drop the formalities."
Kaho giggled. Saying Len's name wouldn't summon him. Kaji grinned and replied, "Maybe I should say it in front of a mirror, then?"
As soon as he'd said it, Kaho's laughter came out in short, half-stifled burst.
"It's ok, I'm sure he won't mind after a few tries," she said after she'd recovered.
Kaji's expression turned serious. "He hasn't told you about how he planned this, I guess?" Kaji asked. "I was assuming he had when I saw you two together, but with the way Tsuchiura was acting...maybe, not?"
Kaho wondered if Kaji had only pretended not to get Tsuchiura's meaning a while back.
"I guess he couldn't have talked to you about the confrontation he and I had," Kaji said. "I wanted to know why you picked him. I told him, more or less, that you weren't right for each other."
Kaho's eyes widened at his admission, but she refrained from speaking; she'd caught the regret in Kaji's face and in his tone. A lot had happened during that conversation. She probably wasn't going to hear all of it, but she anticipated that Kaji had planned to reveal some of what had happened.
"I'm sorry I said that," Kaji said with a rueful smile.
She suddenly felt the need to apologize as well. "I'm sorry too, Kaji," she said in a soft voice.
He sighed and said, "I realized something when he talked to me about you."
What had they talked about? From what she could gather, Len had asked Kaji to sing her song during his birthday. He'd shown her it would sound like performed by a popular group in front of a large audience. She felt she'd been given a preview of what her dreams would look like in the real world. She'd told Len she'd treasure the memory forever. It was a dream...
"Why did you agree?" Kaho thought. It came out as, "What did you realize?"
He had leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "I was too focused on how I could have you," Kaji said. "I wanted you to choose me. Instead, I could have focused on what you wanted and how I could have helped you get closer to your dreams." He sighed. "Len hoped singing your song during my birthday would get you more attention. He thinks I could help you better than he could. I'm not going to lie, I wish I'd thought of singing your songs on my own. I'm aware I sound really selfish, thinking about how helping you could make you look my way for a change. But-" He stopped abruptly and looked away. "I think you should keep writing more songs. I liked the one Miyabi sang, too. She and I, we both wish we'd thought less about ourselves and more about you."
Kaho looked down at her hands. She wasn't sure what to say. She could reassure Kaji, but she knew that wasn't what he wanted.
"I'm glad you tried Kpop," he said. "I'm also glad you still play the violin. If we could, I'd like to try to perform in a quartet again."
"Sure," Kaho said. "Maybe we could try a piece that includes Tsuchiura on the piano."
"Sounds to me like you already have an idea."
"I have a few," Kaho admitted. Ah. Speaking of Tsuchiura, they could also do an orchestral cover of one of Kaji's songs. She'd seen it done on YouTube.
"I like it when you're enthusiastic," Kaji said, getting up from the couch. Kaho stood along with him.
"I guess that's what I wanted too. Enthusiasm."
"What do you mean, Kaji?" she said, laughing. "You're amazing on stage. Your voice has a lot of expression. You're one of the best –"
He interrupted her with a finger to her lips. "This is the last time I'm going to be touchy-feely," he said. "When I said I wanted enthusiasm, I meant that I wanted it from you. I wanted you to look at me the way you look at Len," he said. "I want unexpected hugs. I want your smiles. I want everything, so I could give all of it in return. But –"
"But what?"
"I already knew the outcome," he said. "I've known for a long time, Kaho. Since the day Len kissed you, I was afraid you wouldn't be able to get away from him. I didn't think you'd want to after that kiss."
Kaho understood Kaji's frustration but she knew she couldn't respond to him in the way that he wanted.
She struggled to pull her thoughts together; comforting words would only make him feel as if she were patronizing him.
"Will you still let me spend time with you, at least?" Kaji asked, withdrawing the finger he'd placed over her lips. "I know I'll still get my heartbroken, but what does it matter as long as I get to be around you? At the end of the day, I'd still be living my life, enjoying my time with you."
"I suppose that for me, the outcome doesn't matter anymore," he continued. "I still want to be your friend."
Kaho was moved by his frankness. "Thank you, Kaji," Kaho said, stepping forward and enveloping him in a hug.
"I need more famous friends anyway," Kaji said. "Not just the members of my band."
"What? You know I'm not famous."
"You will be," he said. "It's bound to happen. Consider this your fortune for today."
"Miyabi already beat you to the fortune-teller role," she said.
"Ah. What was the fortune she gave you?"
"She told me I was going to meet my future..."
"That sounds lame."
She laughed. "I don't know," she said. "I felt like it held a lot of promise."
"I like it when you're optimistic," Kaji said.
"I do too."
.
.
.
*Recommended Listening
The song Kaji and his bandmates sing is called "Without You" by NCT's Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Taeil. It was a song I was already familiar with even though I hadn't listened to a lot of NCT's material before writing this story. After deciding to give Cherrybomb (their third EP) a listen, I discovered "Sun & Moon", which is one of the inspirations for this chapter.
"Without You" and "Sun & Moon" have this beautiful nostalgic feel to them, and I highly recommend that you give both a listen. (Lyric translations are available on the website colorcoded lyrics and also on YouTube.)