The Crimson Armory

[sounds of guns being armed and shields whirring]

ROLAND: Alright, we all ready?

LILITH: Just about. Give me a few minutes to refill my ammo.

MORDECAI: Same. Need more pistol bullets.

ROLAND: Alright, well, while you do that, I'll summarize what happened on my log.

LILITH: K. Shout if you need us.

ROLAND: Roland's log. We're here at the Crimson Armory, about to take on General Knoxx. A lot of stuff happened since yesterday so I'll be quick. Today started with Athena laying out a plan to break into the armory and blow up all of the Lance's munitions and weapons before the invasion force could land so that their invasion would be crippled or outright canceled. In order to get in to the armory though we needed the codes for the backdoor, which Athena was aware of but didn't know the details to. We searched the Lance FOB on the roadway and found a recording saying that a copy of the codes was left at the Pandoran World's Largest Bullet exhibit.

BRICK: Meh, it's big, but not that big. Now the bullet on Titania 27, now THAT'S a big bullet.

ROLAND: I'll take your word for it. Either way, we got the codes, killing a couple of infamous Lance captains along the way, which was cathartic. When we got back to Athena with the codes, she gave us the detonator she made and we were ready to break into the armory. In order to reach the armory we had to activate the light bridge in the fortification in the Deep Fathoms, since the Lance blew up the highway that would normally serve as the connection.

BRICK: Wish I'd seen those explosions. I'm sure they were very impressive.

ROLAND: When we got to the Road's End, we were asked by Athena to do two things: kill Commander Ajax, which I was more than happy to agree to, and to gather recordings of Knoxx's communications with the high command of the Lance. The results we found were… enlightening.

LILITH: Hey, is it really true that the Admiral Knoxx was reporting to is five years old?

ROLAND: It honestly wouldn't surprise me.

MORDECAI: Roland, how in the hell does stuff like that happen?

ROLAND: Like Knoxx said, nepotism. The higher ups in the Lance are as corrupt as you can get, and do whatever they like and damn the consequences. They don't think like we do. They think that what they want has to happen because they want it. And so if some corporate bigwig's son said he wanted to be admiral then he gets to be admiral, even if he isn't even in school yet.

LILITH: That's… how is Atlas still running?

ROLAND: Inertia, mostly. If Atlas ever loses control of the tech advantage that puts them on top they'll almost certainly collapse. And good riddance to them, I say. Can't imagine a corporation that could be worse than them. Anyway, we gathered the logs, which showed that Knoxx was getting increasingly frustrated with his idiot bosses, to the point that Knoxx has apparently quit the Lance himself. Unfortunately he still wants to kill us, probably for getting him sent here to begin with.

LILITH: I sure wish we could find a way to get him on our side. He seems like he could really do some good.

ROLAND: It's too late, Lils. He's given up. He's a sane man who is stuck on Pandora. And the more sane you are the sooner this planet breaks you down.

MORDECAI: Well hell, why haven't you broken yet Roland?

ROLAND: Heh… who said I was sane? Let's get this done.

[a few minutes of walking, followed by the sound of an elevator rising]

ROLAND: Hello Knoxx.

KNOXX: Hold that thought, Roland.

[long sequence of weapons unfolding from containers]

MORDECAI: Ooooooh crap.

BRICK: That's a lot of boom…

KNOXX: [deep sigh] Well… this is just inappropriate timing. I got tired of waiting and was hoping to be dead before you got here. Can't stand this place.

ROLAND: I know the feeling.

KNOXX: But, since you are here, I'ma offer you a deal.

[weapons retracting]

KNOXX: If you best me in this fight, which admittedly seems likely, maybe you could do me a favor and just blow the whole planet up. Kill everyone. That's the fairest thing to do.

LILITH: What?! But… I don't…

ROLAND: Told yah. And no way we're doing that, Knoxx. Most of the planet may be insane and/or murderous, but there are good innocent people living here.

KNOXX: Hah. Innocent. I remember when I believed that lie too. But that's fine, I don't care anyway. Let's just end this.

ROLAND: Yes. Let's. Open fire!

[overlapping bullet noises, explosions, and shouting]

MORDECAI: Devestators and medics coming out of deployments zones!

ROLAND: Focus on the medics, I'll take the mechs. Lilith, Brick, draw Knoxx's fire!

BRICK: Raaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

LILITH: [phaseblast] Over here Knoxx!

KNOXX: Stand still you pale-skinned freak!

LILITH: Make me!

MORDECAI: Medics are down! Switching to corrosive!

ROLAND: Melt Knoxx's armor! Brick, get ready to unleash the beast!

BRICK: Ahahahahahahaha!

KNOXX: I see you, sniper!

[explosion]

MORDECAI: Crap!

ROLAND: Mordy, hold on! [turret deploys] Stay in its healing range!

MORDECAI: Just need one good shot!

LILITH: Eat acid, Knoxx!

[loud stomp interrupted by phaseblast]

BRICK: Come to papa!

KNOXX: What in the he- GET OFF MY FACE!

BRICK: BOOOOOM!

[explosion followed by screams]

ROLAND: Almost done! Mordy, finish it!

MORDECAI: Adios general!

[loud bang, followed by a crash]

KNOXX: Ooooooow. That hurt.

ROLAND: For what it's worth, General, I'm glad you see how fucked up the Lance really is.

KNOXX: Yeah… came too late though. Ah well… that's life I guess. Hey… do me a favor.

ROLAND: What?

KNOXX: You ever see his underage ass… tell the Admiral I hate him.

ROLAND: … No promises.

KNOXX: Yeah… that figures. Uuuuuuugh.

LILITH: Huh. Guess he really was an asshole.

MORDECAI: But a friendly one.

BRICK: What are we wasting time down here for? We've got an armory to loot!

ATHENA: Excellent work killing Knoxx. Now that he's dead, I don't have to disguise my communications anymore. Enter the code and expose the munitions so you can plant the detonator.

ROLAND: We're on it.

[few minutes of walking]

LILITH: Wait, did they seriously keep this place secure using a color code system?

ROLAND: It's the Lance.

LILITH: I know, I know, but still…

[code is entered, door opens]

MORDECAI: This is it guys. Biggest source of loot on Pandora!

BRICK: Here we go, here we go, here we go!

ROLAND: Guys, wait, I'm getting something on my radar.

LILITH: What is it?

ROLAND: I… I see a… hole in the floor?

LILITH: Where?

ROLAND: Right here. Let me just… my foot just went through the plate.

MORDECAI: What in the heck is going on here?

ROLAND: I think that whoever was contracted to build this place made a mistake with the building and ended up with a hole in the floor, then covered it up with a hologram to hide their mistake.

MORDECAI: Wait… does that mean we can get into the armory without blowing the place up?

ROLAND: Athena did say we only had a few minutes to loot before we had to explode everything because security would be tripped and the rest of the Lance would come running to defend their stockpile. But if we go in like this…

LILITH: Security won't go off?

ROLAND: I believe so.

BRICK: Heh. Heh heh. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

ROLAND: Alright Vault Hunters… time to loot. Roland signing off.