Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all characters in. Thanks for much for reading, please review and let me know what you thought!

Eggsy's Super Messed Up Plan

Due to Harry's 'Sunset Boulevard' quote-and the fact that it was an infamously misquoted movie line-the two of them entertained themselves with discussing other famous misquotes and arguing about whether or not the other was right that the line wasn't right, since certain quotes had been seared into their brains over the decades. Hence the fact that they were watching a clip from the movie 'JAWS' on Eggsy's phone as they entered the soundstage.

"Well fuck me. He does say 'You're' and not 'We're'. My whole childhood feels like a lie."

"No fucking at work." Harry said under his breath before speaking in a normal voice. "I told you so."

Eggsy stuck his tongue out.

"Do I even want to know?" Derrick, one of the sound techs, asked as he passed by them with a bunch of cables in his hands.

"Probably not."

"Well if you're the one saying not to ask I'm really not going to ask." Smirking at Eggsy in a good natured way Derrick opened his mouth to probably comment further on Eggsy's twisted sense of humor when a female voice very loudly called out Eggsy and Harry's names. In a singsong way that did not bode well for them.

Or maybe not since Eggsy raised his hands and started waving them ecstatically around as he said the name 'Emma'.

Ah.

Emma Clinton had been a makeup artist with the studio even before Harry had joined the 'Kingsman' cast as a younger man. A cast and crew favorite Emma claimed to be fifty, but had been making that claim for the past fifteen years at least. With her constantly changing hair colors and her interesting fashion choices it was hard to guess, and her age really wasn't that important since she was a lovely woman with a bawdy laugh and killer sense of humor. She and Eggsy had always gotten along like a house on fire.

She was also the biggest gossip in the hair and makeup department.

"There you two are." Rubbing her hands together gleeful, Emma's expression was positively evil. "I've been waiting for you, Harry Hart."

"Oh?" Was the best response that Harry could come up with as he tugged self-consciously on the collar of his turtleneck. Or at least it was the only word that came to mind that he felt comfortable saying around a lady. This could not bode well for him.

"Eggsy told me all about your little bet. You really should have known better."

Harry's grimace was only partially for their audience. "I'm aware of that, yes."

What Harry was having trouble wrapping his mind around was the fact that Emma didn't seem in the least disappointed to be going along with Eggsy's plan. Yes the two were good friends, but this wasn't the sort of thing Emma would normally be able to keep to herself. And yet she wasn't giving anything away as she pointed a finger in his direction, cocked it, and then told him to follow her. They had lots to do before the big reveal.

Naturally everyone around them immediately wanted to know about the 'bet' he'd had with Eggsy. And more importantly, what Emma was now going to do to him because he'd lost? The way she was smiling, combined with his obvious dread, made it clear that the answer would be juicy.

"Now, now." Emma wagged her finger at their captive audience teasingly. "None of that. You have to wait until I work my magic. No telling, Boys."

"Yes, Ma'am." Eggsy saluted Emma with a snarky smirk, his words almost drowned out by the complaints from their audience.

Which was for the best really. As long as they all spoke at once Harry could just let their voices wash over him without actually hearing the no doubt inappropriate and perverse comments and questions they were shouting at them. Especially since the majority of them had been claiming he and Eggsy were a couple for years.

It was depressing as hell, knowing you were the last person in the room to get something that had apparently been so bloody obvious to everyone else. Damn.

And knowing that their audience could turn on them at any moment, they were like sharks smelling blood in the water, Harry put up his hands in surrender. "I'm in enough trouble already, thank you very much. You aren't getting anything from me and I'd rather like to get my punishment over with as quickly as possible."

Somehow they just got louder while Eggsy, being Eggsy, chuckled evilly.

Shaking his head at the world in general Harry started walking slash shouldering his way through the crowd with Emma looping her arm through him so that she got carried along with him, Eggsy bringing up the rear as they made a break for it.

Or tried. It was very slow going and it seemed to take forever before they were finally in one of the makeup rooms and Emma could lock the door behind them.

)

"Well that was fun." Emma stated brightly as she shoved the key back into the front pocket of her bellbottom jeans. "They haven't stormed the door like that in a while. Not since Hugh Grant came by one day because he was dating one of our girls. Not for very long of course. But I have to admit that man does know how to set a girl's heart aflutter, he does." And turning around Emma put her hands on her ample hips and aimed one hell of a disapproving mom glare in Eggsy's direction. "And speaking of young rascals with too much charm...just what exactly did I do to you to deserve this, Eggsy Unwin? I was under the impression we were friends."

"Course we're mates, Ems. I wouldn't have trusted ya with this if I didn't."

The disgruntled sound Emma made in response said neither the words nor the 'charming' smile Eggsy was aiming in her direction was working on her.

"I'll make it up ta ya. Swear down."

"Oh really? And just how are you going to make keeping gossip this juicy to myself up to me?"

Eggsy opened and then closed his mouth, obviously not having thought that far ahead.

"Frankly I was surprised you agreed to it in the first place."

"If I didn't owe him I wouldn't have." Emma informed Harry smartly.

Opening his mouth to ask her just how big a favor she owed Eggsy to think it covered this, Harry was interrupted by Eggsy who stated that she didn't owe him anything and it hadn't been a big deal at all. Hadn't he told her that countless times already?

"Not helping us, Eggsy."

"I do and we both know it." A moment's pause, Emma's face softening. "And I am happy for the both of you. It's about bloody time."

"So I've been informed." Was Harry's dry response to that, which made her laugh.

"Well it was obvious. Especially on his end. I'd say I had no bloody clue how you missed it, Harry Hart, but you're a man. That level of stupidity and obliviousness is to be expected." Emma shot Harry a derisive look for emphasis before narrowing her eyes in Eggsy's direction. "Just like you thinking this is going to work, Eggsy. It won't matter what any of us says when we go out there and the director and such gets a look at the two of you. If the marks are as bad as I'm guessing they are...well ya know that sort of thing isn't done with straight couples, much less two blokes. No offense."

Feeling vindicated Harry told her that that was precisely what he'd told him. Eggsy's plan to pass off their scratches and love bites as the result of a lost bet and Emma's makeup artistry was brilliant at first thought. Even the second. But the more you thought about it the more obvious it was that it would never work. That sort of thing just wasn't done. When couples were intimate on soaps and such they might lose their outer garments and have mussed hair, but that was about it. Unless the marks were a plot point they weren't done.

Add in the fact that he and Eggsy were both males...it wouldn't be allowed. Not even Eggsy could talk his way into it being allowed.

"Oh ye of little faith." Smirking, Eggsy pulled his phone out of his pocket and started pressing buttons and sliding his finger over the screen in search of something. And when he found it Eggsy held out his phone to Emma, who came over to get a look at it.

Having no idea what was going on Harry gave Eggsy a questioning look.

"I went on ALL my media accounts and promised my fans a special pic or two. Told em exactly when it would be going up, as in twenty to thirty minutes from now since I ain't nearly so marked as you are. That should make it seem legit, that Emma had time ta do them herself."

"You're going to post a picture of yourself...to what end?"

"The pic with a caption that says somethin like 'Someone likes Taron an awful lot. Check out this coming season of 'Kingsman' to find out who.'"

"I get it. You're going to do that and then when the director tells you that you two can't look like that-wait-how bad is it, anyway?" A gleam came into Emma's eyes. "Are you two sure I can't cover it all up with makeup? It would have to be pretty bad if that's the case."

"You could probably cover it up pretty easy." Eggsy's grin was evil again. "But where's the fun in that?"

"But she's right. She could use this time to cover up the worst of it."

"No, he's right. Where's the fun in that?"

Was he the only sane person in the room, Harry wondered. "You aren't helping, Emma."

"Not my job to help you, is it? Especially seeing as this show is limping at this point and probably won't be airing that much longer unless things change. And then where will I be? You two do this and it leaks...people will tune in for you two alone."

"That's what I said!"

Pinching the bridge of his nose Harry tried to be the voice of reason by pointing out that it didn't matter what Eggsy posted on his social media. No one would know it wasn't in the season until it was over anyway. Which was exactly the argument that the director would use.

"Nah, Harry. You ain't seein the bigger picture. Like the kind of backlash the studio and such would face if it got out that they wouldn't let us look like this cause we're blokes."

"That wouldn't be why-well some of them, yes. But it also just isn't done. Even the Americans would hesitate."

"I know that and you know that. But do ya really think the fans are going to give a fuck about that if they get wind they couldna seen us looking all sexed up together but the studio's fucked that up for em? Specially with all the queer baitin bein done on the telly and in movies lately. It'd be a fucking nightmare for em."

Emma nodded along in complete agreement while Harry tried to process this.

"Queer baiting?"

"It's what they call it when characters act in a way that could be interpreted as gay, so the show looks all inclusive and shite, but they leave room for deniability so the homophobes and arseholes don't get their pants in a twist."

"Ah. I understand."

Harry understood all too well as a gay man who had, in his youth and twenties, looked desperately for books or movies that featured non straight characters who weren't meant to be a joke or depicted as a monster. He'd had very little luck. Eggsy generation was far more fortunate than his in that way, but the world still had a long way to go.

Like dropping the practice of insisting on killing off one half of the gay couple once they were established for starters. Ugh.

"I mean technically this ain't queer baitin cause your character is gay and mine's bi, but sanitizing that fact..."

"Would not look good." Harry finished.

Emma cleared her throat to bring their attention back to her.

"Since I'm guessing you were a gentleman in the sheets, let's see how bad Eggsy's mauled you, Harry."

"Oi! I'll have ya know that he might be a gentleman on the streets, but in bed he's a-mmmmmm."

Harry kept his hand firmly over Eggsy's mouth as he stated that Eggsy had some faint bruising on his hips, barely noticeable, and some whisker burn.

"Mmmmmm."

"Right. And a small bite on his shoulder."

Tilting his head back Eggsy gave Harry a look that said no, it wasn't that little thank you very much.

Looking desperately amused by them Emma crossed her arms and asked Harry what his damage was.

"Three impressive hickies, scratches all done my back, and very noticeable bruises on my hips."

More sounds from Eggsy, Harry taking his hand off the younger man's mouth. "Pardon?"

A cheeky grin. "I said, gotta mark my claim, didn't I?"

"I know who I belong to." Harry shot back.

Eggsy thought that deserved a very thorough snogging that Harry was happy to receive.

He could have done without Emma's catcalling as she fanned herself.

"Right. So let's boost up Eggsy's look a little, shall we? Then go from there."

)

Once Emma was done bumping up Eggsy's morning after look the makeup artist gave Harry's upper body an approving onceover-he was fitter than she'd expected apparently. After thoroughly mauling him with her eyes Emma pronounced him good to go aside from the hair. They were going for an authentic morning after look, after all. That meant the curls in his hair needed to show themselves. And Eggsy's hair needed to be ruffled as well.

Harry enjoyed running his hands through Eggsy's hair nearly as much as Eggsy seemed to love the chance to do the same to Harry's.

Then Emma sealed in the look with a heck of a lot of hairspray.

Eggsy looked quite debauched in his picture, playing it up by having his hands behind his head to show off his toned arms and bare chest while Emma took the pictures on his phone for him.

Harry made a mental note to struggle as long as was necessary to download that picture later to his personal laptop.

Between the caption and the accompanying picture Harry joined Emma and Eggsy as they watched the boy's various social media sites blowup as his fans began to speculate and react to the picture. Harry had to look over Eggsy's shoulder since he didn't have his own Twitter account and apparently that was needed to stay on the one site for long. Or Eggsy was just telling him that to keep him close.

Harry was okay with that as he wrapped his arms around Eggsy's waist and cuddled him. Emma used her own phone.

She alternated between looking at her screen and giving them 'You two are so fucking cute' looks.

The number of fans who were hoping that Colin was the cause of 'Taron's' new look...he probably should have seen that coming, Harry acknowledged with a rueful smile.

"Maybe I should boost your looks more. Make it seem worse than it is so that we can offer to tone it down-aka just take off what I add."

"Ain't got time. We need ta head out in a few or some assistant to an assistant is gonna come a knockin."

"True." And Harry didn't want to look any more debauched than he already did.

"We should really go out now. Ya know what everyone will do once they get a look at us."

"Mock and tease us with every breath in their bodies?"

"Well that. And take pics that they'll send ta just about everyone they know. And on their own social media."

Considering this Harry suddenly realized that he'd underestimated the genius of Eggsy's plan. Significantly.

Merlin and Eggsy had always said he didn't have enough respect for the power of the internet.

Closing down the site Eggsy tapped his phone off and then shoved it into his pocket. "Right. Let's do this."

"Just let me message everyone out there I know to have their camera phones ready to record this."

How did she type that fast with such long nails, Harry marveled as he watched Emma's fingers fly as she apparently alerted everyone that the big reveal was on hand.

"Right. We can go now."

Harry's fingers itched, literally itched, to retrieve the hated turtleneck to cover up with. He felt exposed as hell, not to mention there were a lot of mirrors in this room that were showing him how the marks Eggsy had left on his skin were deepening with time. And he was more awake to be aware of them. Unfortunately.

"Want ta hold my hand?"

"We're trying to hide the change in our relationship, remember?"

"I give the two of you two days, max, before the whole world knows you're shagging. Now get a move on. I can't wait to see people's reactions. They're going to lose it."

Yes, Harry silently acknowledged. Yes they would.

And that was precisely what happened as they stopped people dead in their tracks as they walked down the hallway towards the set they were filming on that morning. People stopped and stared and took photos and choked on whatever beverage they were drinking at the time. Some were probably burned in the process, not that they seemed to notice. And when the three of them left the hallway, well then they were nearly blinded by the flash of the phones that hadn't been set to record as soon as they stepped out onto the set.

Being mobbed was ever so much fun.

Not.