Chapter 20: What Can You Buy With Time?

(Ten years after the union of Padme and Delia, and twenty years after the events of "Carry On"):

Delia:

I enter the long wooden corridor. Baz is sitting in one of the chairs along the wall. He sees me and stands; I go to him and we take each other's hands.

We look at each other. Neither one of us is as old as we look. As vampires, we age differently, but both of us have taken mortal lovers so feel obliged to age along with them. It's just an illusion… a spell. Same as spelling Simon's wings and tail away with invisibility. It's done so people won't talk or stare at us; it's done so our lovers don't feel insecure and less than us... don't second guess our decision to love them despite the prospect of middle age paunch.

As a woman, it's no easy thing to spell my face older, every day. To deliberately inflict on myself the wrinkles and loss of muscle tone. It's not really a sacrifice yet… I only have to make myself look about thirty. What will it be like to make myself look 50? 60? Or more than that? I'll find out, eventually. It will definitely be a test of vanity.

"How did it go for you, Baz?"

Once a year the coven will hear proposals for magical trades. If you are a magical creature who has special powers, you can offer some part of that power up to the coven in exchange for a dispensation. Baz has proposed giving 50 years of his life so that Simon can have an additional 20. He's hoping the trade will make them approximately the same age when they die.

"They said yes." He smiled tightly at me. "It's already done."

"Baz."

"I think we'll have the same time together, me and Simon. It's what I wanted. I don't want the years without Simon."

"You are a hopeless romantic. Does he know yet?"

"No. I didn't want to tell him till we knew for sure." He paused. "I don't know if I'll ever tell him, so don't you."

"Baz, start drinking human blood. You can get it willingly; people will give it. You can get your longer life back."

"I told you I don't want it."

"Dammit, Baz."

I HAVE been drinking human blood, and so have elongated my vampire life even more. I'm willing to trade 50 years to give Padme a child… but it's not the same level of sacrifice as Baz has just given. I will still probably outlive Padme by about fifty years. When she's dead I'll be able to get my youthful appearance back and start over. I will be able to find another love, if I want, or at least have sexual partners beyond Padme.

I feel cold and calculating, realizing that… agreeing that that will be the state of things. It not that I don't love Padme. She will never know a life without me.

It's just that I'm not as self-sacrificing as Baz.

A door opens down the corridor.

"Mordelia Grimm?"

"That's me." I give Baz's hands a squeeze and walk alone to the open door.

The coven is gathered and seated. I know them; they know me… but it all looks so impersonal.

"What is your proposed trade, Mordelia?"

"I want Padme to have a child: my child. In exchange I will give 50 years of my life."

"You realize that no one can know how long they really have to live. If fate cuts you short due to violence or injury, you may find yourself dead on the floor of this room with this loss of fifty years."

I sigh. "I realize that. I accept the risk."

"You could avoid the risk altogether by adopting a child and keeping all your years of life."

"That's not what I want. I want Padme to have MY child."

They exchange looks with each other. "All right. Wait out in the hall while we deliberate."

I get up and return to Baz. "Well?"

"They're thinking about it."

"It seems such an odd thing to want… a child," Baz observes, softly.

"I know. I thought the same thing myself, when Padme first brought it up."

"When did you decide that you wanted it to be yours?"

"Almost immediately."