CHAPTER XVIII
The next day, the entire trailer park was abuzz with talk of how the masquerade ball had been so strange the night before. What had been the deal with that SWAT team, and where had they taken that Ella girl to? What was all this talk about illegal alcohol?
But none of this mattered to Merphy and Driz, who celebrated their engagement by making love all night, and were now making love again in the morning. As it turned out, Driz was great in bed, and Merphy loved sniffing her feet.
"Oh, Driz, you are amazing!" Merphy said when they finished, "I just love how gross and sweaty your body is! We have to start planning our wedding. Where were you thinking of having it?"
"Uh, I mean, I guess the middle of the trailer-"
"Ha! Driz, were you even planning to get a dress? Or were you just gonna get married in your underwear?"
"I guess."
"Tell ya what, Driz. I'm gonna get you out of this trailer park and show you some of the world! Why don't we go to Texas, have our wedding officiated by The Women With Foot Odor Society, and then spend our honeymoon at The Lone Star Inn? I know a WNBA player Emily staying there, and am also friends with her wife Jen-"
"Leave the trailer park? Listen, Merphy, I've been thinking," Driz said, "I'm happy to be your wife. But I'll miss my sister."
"I understand, but she can always visit-"
"Carly and me have always done everything together. We've always accepted each other's slobbishness and filth. I can't leave her. I'm willing to be your wife, but only if you make her your mistress."
Merphy decided they should have a discussion. They met with Carly in the main room of the trailer.
"Alright," Merphy said, "All three of us are consenting adults. Do we agree to accept a polyamorous relationship?"
"Yes," the other two said.
"And we all agree: no incest."
"Of course no incest," Carly said, "We're not barbarians."
"Great," Merphy said, "Then how about we agree to the following: I'll have sex with Driz on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I'll have sex with Carly on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and on Sunday all three of us will sit home and watch football together?"
"Seems fair," Driz said.
"Carly will be my mistress, but it's accepted that Driz will be my wife for all official purposes. Are we all on the same page?"
"Yes."
And so they began their routine. Merphy spent half the week with Driz as her partner, half the week with Carly, and then Sundays the three of them would football.
It wasn't easy having Carly as a partner. She was every bit as gross as Driz, but the things that turned Merphy on about Driz turned her off with Carly. Merphy couldn't stand the smell of Carly's feet, or the smell of Carly's armpits, yet she loved the way Driz would stink at the end of the day.
I guess this is the price I have to pay, Merphy thought, I'll put up with Carly's stench if it means getting to enjoy Driz's scent.
Carly was clearly enjoying it, and the nights when she and Merphy made love were adequate. Carly clearly enjoyed making love, and Merphy had a nice time, but it was much more pleasurable when she made love with Driz.
On the day that they were preparing to move out of the trailer park, the news came that something was going on. Merphy shared the news.
"Hey, remember that SWAT team that arrested Ella and her girlfriend?"
"Oh yeah. Who was that really sweaty woman who leading it?"
"She said her name was Agent Natalia Smeller. Anyway, they just made an announcement. Natalia Smeller has a pair of stinky socks that she decrees belong to the fairest lady in the land. So she's asking that every woman in the trailer park go the park station and have her feet smelled by her, to see if their feet match the socks. Whoever's feet matches the scent will be named the fairest in the land, and also be given a $1000 Gucci gift certificate."
"Hmm, I dunno," Carly said, "I went to a Gucci store one time, and I don't like how their dresses are so clean and don't have any sweat stains on them."
"All my shirts have sweat stains under my arms," Driz said, raising her arms to show two huge pit stains.
"Mine do too," Carly said, raising her arms to show two huge pits stains as well, "The idea of a top that doesn't have sweat stains under the arms is just weird to me. I mean, is that even a dress? I tried one of Gucci's pants on once and tore them wide open."
"Yeah, I tried a Gucci bag one time, but it was too small to keep any food in," Driz said, "What's the point of carrying a bag with you if you can't eat out of it?"
"Yeah, who needs Gucci when you have Walmart up the block?"
And Merphy's heart filled with love. It only made her love Driz more to know how non-materialistic she was, and that Carly was the same. Together, the three of them would share the simpler things in life.
They finished packing their belongings in their suitcases: all of Driz and Carly's shirts had huge sweat stains under the armpits and serious body odor just baked into them; Merphy had to admit it was odd how this smell aroused in her in Driz's clothing yet repulsed her in Carly's clothing.
And so they left the trailer park, passing by Natalia Smeller and the looooooooong list of young women who were in line, all of them dying to get their feet smelled and hopefully have their feet match the socks and win that Gucci gift certificate. But the three walked right by them.
Once they boarded the train and began their trip to Texas, Merphy opened her suitcase and shared something with Driz and Carly.
"It's a bottle of laundra. In fact, after the SWAT raid happened, I was able to save the whole case of bottles of laundra from Kitty's station. I've got about twenty-five bottles of this stuff."
"Nice," Driz said, pouring her glass, "Here's to starting a new year-and a new direction our lives."
"It was nice of Ella to make all these. Speaking of which, aren't you girls worried about your step-sister? I mean, you left without saying goodbye."
"Nah. We always enjoyed torturing Ella, but we've moved on from her. We're sure she'll be okay."
And as the train left, Driz and Carly were happy to put the trailer park entirely behind them. Neither of them would ever see Ella again.