"I will name my son after you"
Chapter 19
"How I met my mother - Legolas edition."
'I am going to die.'
Is what went through Legolas's head as he threaded through the forest pushing through the bushes, and low tree branches. The urgency evident in his step.
It was so evident in fact that he didn't even notice when some of said branches scratched his pretty face.
'I am going to die a slow and painful death, and no one will mourn me.'
"Honestly Legolas You worry too much." A highly amused voice said from somewhere behind the low-key panicking Archer.
'I can see it now.' Not that Legolas noticed. 'Here lies Legolas, son of Valar knows who, that kind of showed up out of nowhere.'
"Agreed. The king knows his son can be a handful, he won't hang you for losing track of him for a few minutes."
'Self-proclaimed decent archer and tutor to the young prince Thranduil. Died for the unforgivable crime of losing his charge in a spider-infested forest.'
"You wouldn't be the first one he managed to slip away from. Now it would be an entirely different story if it happened on the way to Rivendell, as the brat doesn't know the surroundings all that well, but Greenwood? Thrandy was raised here, he knows what to avoid and he's not as stupid as he looks."
'Rest in peace, you bumbling idiot, and may the previous Kings have mercy on your stupid soul.'
"Plus you have us! And we are quite sure we know where he ran off to."
To say that the blonde archer was shocked by what the two told him not ten minutes ago, would be an understatement. Unfortunately said shock was soon violently replaced by sheer panic that has led him to blindly making his way through the forest, with all the finesse of a wounded orc.
It was truly a pity that Legolas wasn't paying the twins any attention right now.
It would do him some good, it would.
'If I don't find him in the next ten minutes, I'm turning tail and heading straight for Dol Guldur. Preferably right into an orc patrol armed to the teeth with long and pointed spears. So that I can impale myself on them with all the grace of a dying swan.'
"Legolas? Legolas are you even listening to us?"
Mmm not really, no.
'With a bit of luck, by the time Oropher and his army find me, I will be thoroughly dissected by the orcs and spread across the woods like sugar on a finely made cake, with no chance of recognition. I hope the knowledge that my death was long and painful, will be enough to satisfy the king.'
And then he was hit across the head, the action surprising him so much he nearly planted a wet kiss on the dirt road below him.
"Oi!" The blonde archer hissed, rubbing the sore spot on his head and glaring at the twins. "What was that for?" He asked.
'Why won't you just let me flail around panicking, in peace?' He thought.
"You were ignoring us." One of the twins (Legolas was really getting tired of not knowing who he's addressing) said in a deadpan manner, arms crossed over his chest. "An action we deeply frown upon, I will have you know." Another thing Legolas was slowly getting quite sick off, was the fact that he seems to be the only one worried for his head here.
Surely they must know how dangerous the forest can be when one ventures in there alone. Surely they know how angry Oropher will be once he hears of this immense transgression.
"So, since we regained your full attention," the other elf said, making the young archer turn his head to the side. "I will repeat what we have been trying to get through to you for the past few minutes." El-something (Legolas's personal bet is: this is Elros) took a deep breath. "We know where the princeling is, you can stop panicking now."
Legolas blinked at him, and if blinks could kill, both of the twins would be scorching piles of goo by now.
Reminding himself that getting angry means wrinkles, and having wrinkles is unbecoming for someone as pretty as him, he closed his eyes, counted to ten and then made himself promise to not strangle the father of his future best friends to his premature death. No matter how much his behavior may ask for it.
"Well then…" Legolas spoke, once he finally dragged his patience out from where it's been hiding. "Where is he?"
"In Lake Town, naturally." Elrond (?) said, a smile adoring his youthful face that made Legolas want to punch him.
"Naturally." The archer echoed, his voice a dry deadpan.
King Thranduil despised going to Lake Town, mainly because it wasn't covered in gold rubies and other expensive gems and was also dreadfully covered in filthy, not to mention poor, mortals, so you can see why he had his doubts.
"And why would he be in Lake Town?" He questioned, folding his arms over his chest.
"Because that's where his 'Lady Friend' likes to hang out." Both twins snickered at that.
Legolas frowned.
"Lady friend?" He knows he sounds ridiculous asking such a question but... honestly can anyone really blame the poor guy?
"Yes, indeed." One of the identical heads said.
"They've known each other for a while now." The other added with a sneaky smile of his own. "One beautiful day our brave little prince got caught trying to explore the outskirts of the palace, by a pretty little elven upcoming sharpshooter."
"Instead of reporting him to the guards so that he would be escorted back to the safety of his home, she dared him to come have dinner in her 'poor, completely unbecoming for a princeling of his caliber' cottage with her family."
"You could see that as a small lesson in humility." El-something (Legolas is half tempted to simply cut one of their clothes so that he have a visible difference between them) whispered to him in a conspiratorial way. "And a 'meet those you are once destined to rule' experience. The girl probably thought it would do Thranduil some good to live a day as those less fortunate than him do, as one day, he will have the chance to make their lives better."
"I'm not sure how well that worked." The other El-something shrugged. "Thrandy still turns his nose up at anything that isn't at the very least glittering, but he… uh… does it with less heat, I suppose?"
"Point is, their... relationship" here El-something (Elrond. Legolas is betting it's, Elrond) snickered like the child that he isn't. "Didn't end there, oh no! It continues well to this day!"
"Anytime he has but a few minutes of respite from school, he goes to the tallest tree near the gates, sits down on the branch that goes furthest from the bark and waits."
"She always comes." El(Ros) chuckled. "Sometimes she even waits there for him, even when he doesn't show."
"And…" Legolas cut in because, as much as he's enjoying this lovely storytime, he's still short one bratty princeling. "You're saying he's there now?"
"Oh we have no definite proof of that, no." El(rond) responded, shrugging nonchalantly. "But, given that this is a repeated offense, we're quite confident he's there."
"Alright." The blonde took a deep steadying breath, filled with hope that, though he may die one day, today is not that day. Hurrah and hallelujah. "Take me there then."
"Oh we will." The twins spoke in perfect unison, something that Legolas would find creepy if he didn't grow up with another pair of mischievous twins. "But… don't you want to know the girl's name?"
Legolas froze.
"Why would that interest me?" He asked cautiously.
Did the two figure him out?
Was him choking on saliva when they said 'lady friend' enough of a give-away? Were they really more observant than he gave them credit for?
"Of blackmail of course!" El(ros) said, swiftly reliving Legolas of his terror, smirking like the devil himself. "We all know Thrandy can be a bit of a brat when he doesn't feel like doing any work, so, in order to help you keep him exactly where you want him to be for as long a time as you want" he then stopped talking.
"We decided to share this little secret with you." His twin then picked up where he left off. "Valar knows it's served us well when we needed it most."
"How did you even get such information?" Legolas asked, before they could share the name.
"A birdy told us." They both grinned.
"..." Legolas channeled his best angry (adult) Thranduil look, because that can't possibly be the truth.
"... a guard told us." They finally relented.
"Honestly thought, how long did he expect for it to stay a secret? They are literally right next to the gate."
"It's a wonder Oropher didn't find them himself during his guard inspections, really." The talking one then whispered to Legolas. "Our little prince isn't very good at hiding."
"Especially when you're 'hiding'" he made funny motions with his fingers here. "in a tree while your gown is bright yellow."
"Or red."
"Or orange."
"Or purple."
"The pink was a surprise though. Good Lord, you'd think even he realized what an eyesore that was."
"The point is," El-something pushed the other El-something, to signify that the count-out is over. "he stuck out. Like a sore thumb."
"And so one of the guards found out, he told us and we bribed him, and subsequently every other guard that happened to have watch duty near the 'hideout'" there was that hand motion again. "To never mention a word of it to king Oropher, and that is how we found out the name of his mysterious friend."
They then bowed to the blonde archer as if they just performed the best show ever created.
Legolas didn't dignify them with an applause.
"So…" one of the twins asked. "Do you want to know the girl's name, or not?"
"Alright, alright, I'll bite." The archer sighed. "What's the girl's name?"
And then… then El-something said a name Legolas hasn't heard since his mother died.
"It's Leanna."
"So allow me to get this straight." Eärendil said, pacing around the room like an agitated orc. "There is a Self-proclaimed Greenwood archer taking care of Crown Prince Thranduil. A Greenwood archer who Muriniel cannot find in the official records, has the ice-blue steely-silver eyes characteristic only for royal family line and who no one from the kingdom recognizes, including the boy's theorized mother, and your answer is… is…" the elven lord stuttered with what he was about to say as if the words were a particularly nasty ball of bile stuck in his throat. "Time travel?"
"Well when you put it that way, it does sound rather ludicrous." Gandalf the Gray hummed, puffing his pipe and stroking his long beard in thoughtful thought. "But, with everything we now know, I'm not sure there can be any other explanation."
"But… but…" the elven lord was clearly having trouble comprehending all this. "That's impossible!"
"And yet evidence to the contrary spits us in the face." The wizard answered calmly.
"No one is that powerful!" Eärendil argued. "Or at least they shouldn't be!"
"If what my… future self said is true," Gandalf said, ignoring the outraged 'you don't know that for sure!' from his elven lord friend. "Then it has all been a big, unfortunate... accident."
"An accident." Eärendil echoed quite dumbly, hand reaching for something to lean on.
Gandalf nodded.
"One that involves hobbits."
"Hobbits." The elf's voice was getting squeaky now, how curious. "Do you mean those small humans that live in hills, and stuff their faces with food about nine times a day? Are those the hobbits you're talking about?"
"Yes, exactly so!"
"How would they even accomplish such a thing?! They can't use magic… can they?"
"Well no."
"Then how, in Eru's glorious name did they-"
"They were playing with my staff."
Silence filled the air for a total of five seconds.
"Playing with your sta-You let them play with your staff?!"
"Now, now, let's be fair here. How was I supposed to know it would actually work for them?"
"You can't know! That is why you don't take chances with that thing!" Eärendil's hands traveled to his hair. "Merciful Eru Mithrandir, how could you be so careless?!"
"It was a momentary lapse in judgement!"
"Yes, a 'momentary lapse in judgement' that can cost us our lives, Gandalf! Who knows what consequences that one silly game is going to have on our lives! Our future!"
"I'm sure it's nothing that can't be fixed-"
"Oh? And how exactly are you planning on accomplishing that goal?"
"Attempting to send him back to his own time is as good a start as any, one would think."
"How do you know you can do that? Did you come across a similar spell with these effects?" The elven lord wasn't going to just let this go. "What if he can't go back, Gandalf? What if he is stuck here centuries before he, or anyone he knows for that matter, is even born? Do you know what this could mean for the kingdom? For Orop-"
He was cut off by the sound of a chair being aggressively pushed backwards.
Immediately the two arguing men turn to face king Oropher, finally remembering that he was in the room along with them, as he hasn't said anything since the theory was presented.
He looked pale, and his hand was clutching the backrest of the chair.
"I…" he began, swallowing nervously. "I need a drink."
And with that… he left the room.