CHAPTER EIGTHEEN
(BPOV)
I tightly clutched the luggage in my hands and followed closely behind Billy and Charlie while we deplaned. We carefully moved through the throngs of people and stayed close together while we made our way to gate three. The first face I saw was a friendly one and I was more than thankful. Emily stepped out from the crowd that surrounded her and held up her big white sign with all of our names written on it. Her dark eyes nervously scanned the many nameless faces in front of her before she caught sight of Jacob and came running to us. She dropped the sign and took hold of him with her heartfelt condolences.
"I'm so sorry, Jacob. I'm so very sorry."
Jacob was utterly mute when he wrapped his free arm around her in a tight hug.
"We brought her home." Billy tearfully offered. "She's back where she belongs with all of us."
"Everyone is waiting for you back on the Res. Sam and the others didn't beat you back by much." Emily softly added, as she reached out for me, her glossy gaze holding mine when she released Jacob and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm so glad you came back, Bella."
I hugged her back and felt the lump return in my throat when I saw the heart rendering expression that crossed Billy's face when he saw this.
"Thank you, Emily."
"We've all missed you so much. I hope you know that." Emily replied, her sweet and nurturing nature drawing me to her when she took my face in her hands and looked to Charlie. "We need her back here. We really do."
Charlie merely nodded and winked to me in response to her comment and I felt my cheeks warm from the blush that was beginning to settle there.
"I've missed being here." I confessed to her.
"I'm sure you all are famished. There's plenty of hot food and beverages back at my place. I was sure to make enough to go around."
"Always the perfect host." Billy smiled to her and she hugged him before reaching down to help me with my bags.
We followed her out into the cold rain and she helped us get settled into the awaiting cab, her saddened gaze meeting Jacobs, before she closed the door and went back inside for Billy and Charlie.
Emily was as sweet as I remembered her to be and I found myself eager to get back to La'Push. The nerves that I felt faded away at the sight of her welcoming and sincere smile. She made me remember just how much I loved the sense of family they all shared and how important it was at times like these. It was a feeling I had all but forgotten about since I left for Maine and had been on my own.
I sat silently inside the cab, checking my phone and sending a text to Tina to let her know we had landed safe and sound in Washington. I watched in heartbreaking silence as Jacob placed Clarissa in her seat and climbed back out of the cab. He shook hands with a middle aged man in a suit and tie who handed him something to sign before he turned away from him.
The coroner headed back through the gate and was soon accompanied by three other men who followed closely behind him. They were collecting Lillians body from the cargo bay and I drew in a shaky breath as Jacob stayed standing outside in the pouring rain, his eyes trained after the men who disappeared from his view in seconds. Clarissa began to cry, and I hurriedly found the pacifier in the diaper bag that Tina had kindly packed for us before we left Pen Bay and gave it to her. This seemed to sooth her enough for the time being and I watched her sweet face turn my way then, her big brown eyes framed with thick lashes now peering up at me with expectancy. My hand gingerly reached out for hers and I stilled when she curled her tiny palm tightly around my index finger. She had the most precious face that I'd ever seen, and I inwardly cringed when I thought of how she was being unfairly forced to face this life without her beautiful mother by her side to guide her and love her.
The minutes carried on and I soon placed a soft kiss to Clarissa's forehead, as I got out of the cab and went around to Jacob who still hadn't moved an inch since he'd signed those papers from the coroner.
He didn't blink or budge when I stepped in front of him, my gaze roaming over his soaked shirt and jeans while he stood there shaking.
"Jake, are you alright?"
He didn't answer me at first and I took a step closer, my hand reaching out for his and feeling his fingers thread through mine as he continued to stare numbly ahead of him.
"I can't do this by myself." He hoarsely admitted.
"You're not by yourself, Jacob. You're not alone." I reminded him with a gentle squeeze of my hand. "... and you can do this. We're all gonna be there."
"The coroner is meeting me at the funeral home at six tonight. I have to set up a time for her wake and then the services and-..."
His voice was rough when he spoke this, the words sounding like they were being forcefully torn from his throat and I felt my heart break all over again when his eyes finally met mine.
"One step at a time, remember?" I quietly reminded him as the rain steadily poured down and soaked us both to the bone.
I held his anguished gaze, the deja vu moment causing me to be thrown back into a time when I was in front of him, begging for the truth, begging to be let in on whatever secret he was keeping. I shook my head from the memory and felt him tug me toward the cab as he opened the door and gestured for me to get back in.
The ride to La'Push was long and full of a stony silence that made my stomach fill with nervous dread the closer we got to the Reservation. When we passed a small pale blue house, I caught sight of the wince that crossed Jacobs features and I knew that was where he and Lillian shared their life together. The cab slowed but Jacob insisted that the driver keep going until we reached Sam and Emily's. The yard was full of cars, full of people who loved them both, of people who wanted to embrace him in his time of grief, but when the cab drew to a stop on the curb, Jacob looked panic stricken. His darkened gaze was wide and his hand blindly reached out for mine when he opened the door.
"You can do this." I encouraged, helping him gather the luggage from the back and pausing when Sam suddenly appeared next to me. His hand laying over mine, as a somber smile graced his tired face with his greeting.
"Want some help with that?"
"Yeah, thanks. Seems like you all made incredible time."
"We're still fast as hell. That hasn't changed." He admitted, with a bit of pride lingering in his baritone.
Charlie and Billy arrived just minutes after we did and I could see the weariness that plagued poor Billy's face when my dad helped him get settled in his chair. He caught my hand when they passed by on their way to Sam's front porch and he pulled me close.
"Can't tell you what it means that you came back with us, Bella." Billy stated, as he held my hand tightly in his.
"There's no other place I'd rather be right now. How are you doing? Are you feeling alright?"
"I'm fairing just fine. Don't you worry about me." He replied, but I could already see in his poor color that he was far from okay.
"Billy, have you taken your meds these past few days?"
He shook his head to me and I halted the rolling of his chair with an alarmed gaze to Charlie.
"There are more pressing matters to be concerned with than that." Billy argued.
"Your health is still very important." I countered, digging out my cell phone and checking the hours for the local pharmacy we had in Forks.
"How long have you been out of your meds, Billy?" Charlie demanded, his harsh tone catching Jacobs attention. He handed Clarissa to Emily who smiled brightly at her and took her in out of the damp air.
"Not long. Just a week or so-..." He begrudgingly admitted.
"...or so?" I hedged. "Billy...-"
"You damn well no better than that. You could go into a diabetic coma." Charlie lightly scolded when he wheeled him up to Sams front door.
"I know, Chief. I know."
"How many days, dad? Tell the truth." Jacob sternly added, his eyes taking in the pale color of Billy's complexion when he hunkered down in front of him. "I know you're worried for me, but I need you healthy. No more skipping meds."
Billy nodded as Charlie got him out of the cold rain and helped him to dry off.
"The pharmacy is open till eight tonight. If you want, I can make the trip into town and get it for him? He really shouldn't go any longer without it. You know how dangerous that is for him."
Jacob reached in his back pocket for a set of keys and his wallet then, his concerned gaze following after Billy when he soon offered me some cash.
"Are you sure you're up for the trip back into town? Been a long day, Bells. For everybody."
"I'm sure. He needs those meds. I'll be back before you know it." I assured him, noticing the worry in his gaze when he replied.
"Here, take the rabbit. I still have it. Sam's been keeping it here for me the last few years. I tinker on it when I can and it needs some work still but it runs and it's safe."
"Thanks, but I got the cost covered. Don't worry about it. Keep your money."
Jacob moved in closer to me, his whispered reply low enough so that Charlie and Billy couldn't hear.
"Bells, his diabetes medication has almost tripled in the past year. Lillian and I have been paying for it out of pocket. Dad just can't afford it anymore. It's a lot. So, please take the money."
I swallowed hard at his words, my anger about our ever failing healthcare system showing in my reddened cheeks, as I stared back at him and gently pushed the cash in his outstretched hand away.
"I know how ridiculously expensive it is for insulin today, but I really want to do this for the two of you. Please let me? You'd be robbing me of a blessing if you didn't."
He sighed and tucked the money back in his wallet before dropping the keys for his rabbit into my palm.
"Take it slow. You know how old she is."
"I will and I'm surprised you kept her all this time."
"Some things are irreplaceable." He replied, closing my hand around the keys and slowly raising his head to meet my curious gaze.
"That they are." I timidly agreed.
Sam's kitchen was full of chatter and I hadn't made it out the door, before Quil and Embry caught sight of us lingering there in the entryway.
"Hey, where you going? Man, you're leaving us again already? We just got you back!" Embry asked, throwing an arm around Jacob as he checked on his best friend. "You doing okay, bro?"
"No, I'm exhausted and Bella won't be gone long." Jacob replied to him with a meaningful glance my way when I opened the door. "Right?"
His voice faltered on the last word and I paused there when I heard the fracture that started to show in his mask. The one that he continued to wear for everybody else's benefit. He shrugged out of Embry's hold and held open the door for me, his eyes seeking mine with a desperation behind them that was enough to shatter any heart with just one glance.
"I'll be back before Emily's chilly is done cooking." I lightheartedly offered, trying to bring that warm smile back to his face even if I knew it would only be short lived and temporary, but it didn't show and I reached for him instead. "Save me a bowl before the rest of the pack gobbles it up?"
"I will." He replied, with a heavy sigh. "...or at least, I'll try."
"Do you need anything else for Clarissa while I'm out?"
"I don't think so."
I offered him a weak smile then and ran out into the rain, my teeth chattering when I jumped into the rabbit and started the engine. It sputtered to life and I wrapped my hands tightly around the steering wheel as I tore off for Forks.
I made it to the pharmacy in one piece, despite the pounding rain and did little to hide my shock when the pharmacist told me the cost of Billy's vial of insulin.
"That will be $245 please." The young woman with bleach blonde hair requested, her glasses sitting low on her nose and reminding me of Natalie as she waited for me to pay.
I slid the credit card over to her and she eagerly snatched it up, her fingers hurriedly typing in the info and processing the payment in a few short seconds. Meanwhile, I stood on the other side of the counter, my face paling as I thought of how the charge would push me toward the high end of my credit limit for the card, but it didn't matter. I'd pay it off with some overtime next month. My biggest concern was taking some of the burden off Jacobs shoulders, in any way I could, while I was here. It was the least I could do and truthfully, everything else felt out of my hands and beyond my control and I hated that.
"Here you are. Have a great evening." The pharmacist stated in her high pitched and too peppy tone, and I had to refrain from rolling my eyes at her when I nodded and took the white bag placed on the counter.
I left the pharmacy and headed for the grocery store, my mental list of things growing by the minute when I soon ran inside and grabbed a cart. I picked over the baby aisle first, grabbing enough diapers, wipes and formula to last Clarissa for the next month or longer. My next hunt was in the freezer section, where I grabbed as many frozen dinners as I could pile into the cart. Anything from Lasagna and meatloaf to enchiladas and hungry man meals, something I was all too familiar with because of Charlie. This was what he lived on when he didn't order from the diner in town since I'd left for Maine years ago. I paused when I rounded the corner that led me down the cleaning aisle, my gaze falling on the petite framed woman who was trying to decide which scented bleach to buy, her long dark hair falling over her shoulders in soft waves.
Angela Webber stood in front of me with a toddler on one hip and another clinging to her leg for dear life.
"McKenna, please get up off the floor for mommy. You know we have to go. Daddy is waiting in the car for us." She pleaded with the small dark haired child persistently tugging on the hem of her jeans.
"Angela?"
She looked up and saw me then, her face full of shock and delight as she stared back at me.
"Bella?"
I moved away from the cart and eagerly threw my arms around her.
"You look wonderful!"
"So do you!" She complimented in return with a wide smile that lit up her pretty face. "What are you doing in town? Are you here for a visit with Charlie! Goodness, it's been so long since the last time I saw you!"
I pulled back from our embrace and saw her face fall when she saw the saddened expression I wore.
"No, I-I'm not back for just a visit."
"Is everything okay? Is it Charlie?" She worriedly asked, setting both of her young children back in the grocery cart.
"Charlie's okay. Its not him." I assured her, seeing the worry in her gaze fade some upon hearing this.
"...Well then who-"
"Do you remember Jacob?"
Angela kept a hand on her active toddlers and she smiled at the mention of him.
"Of course I remember Jacob Black. He owns a body shop in La'Push right? Ben and I have taken a few of our older vehicles in to his place for repair. He does great work and he's fair about his prices."
"Yeah, that's him. There was an accident the day before Thanksgiving and he-..." I went silent then as the emotion in my voice made me stop mid-sentence.
"Oh, Bella-... is he alright?"
"He is but his wife...- she...- she didn't make it, Angela."
I watched as Angela's face went pale, her eyes wide with horror when they filled with tears.
"Oh my gosh, Bella. I'm so sorry to hear that. He must be devastated." She replied.
"He is."
"Please tell him Ben and I send our condolences?"
"I will, Angela. Thank you."
"I wish I had more time to stay and talk. How long are you in town for? Maybe we can get dinner before you go back? I would really love to catch up with you."
"I'm honestly not sure, but yeah, I'd love that."
She gave me another hug then and promised to be in touch as she wrangled her two precious kiddos toward the check out. She was happy. I could tell just by the way she looked down at them. How her face would brighten at the sight of them as they stuck close to her. She'd married her high school sweetheart and they had made a family together. I couldn't have been happier for her.
I soon checked out and charged another few hundred to the credit card in my back pocket, as I paid for the supplies I thought Jacob and Clarissa would need most in the upcoming weeks.
When I arrived back at Sam and Emily's, I peeked my head in through the door and motioned for Paul and Embry to meet me outside. They did so discretely and I showed them the bags that were piled high in the rabbits back seat.
"Can you two do me a favor?"
"Sure thing." Paul huffed in reply.
"Do you have a key to Jacobs place? Is there a way you could get this stuff inside and in the freezer before it starts to unthaw?"
"Course we can." Embry chuckled. "We all have keys around here. Nothing's sacred in these parts. Consider it done, Bella."
"Thank you so much. He needs all of it." I replied, hugging them as I grabbed Billy's insulin and headed inside.
Jacob met me at the door and I handed him the bag for his father and his keys for the rabbit.
"Run okay for you? Give ya' any trouble along the way?"
"Ran like a charm. Same as I remembered." I replied, noting the unease that crossed his face when he glanced down at his cell. "Is it time?"
"Yeah, they left me a message half hour ago. They're waiting for me down at the funeral home. I told them I'd be on my way shortly. I have to go back to the house and pick out what to bury her in."
I shuddered at the hoarse and strained tone he spoke this in as he placed the keys back in my hand. His action and tearful gaze making a silent plea that his mouth couldn't form. I took hold of his hand and gestured for the door.
"I can come with you or I can stay right here. Whatever you want, Jacob. Whatever you need." I whispered.
He reached out and zipped up my jacket with a dreadful gaze ahead of us before leading me back outside into the cold rain with him.
A/N: It has been six days too long since my last update! I'm so sorry but I hopefully made up for it with this chapter being long! Please tell me your thoughts in a review! :-)