Chapter 18

"What you did was completely irresponsible and dangerous! You risked your own life and the lives of this crew, and I want to know why," Riker demanded.

Wesley stood in Picard's ready room, head bowed, which made it difficult to keep his shoulders from slouching. He knew he should be standing at attention, but he was terrified. He scuffed his foot on the carpeting and wished he were someplace else.

"Mr. Crusher, look at me, and answer my question," snapped Riker. It was killing him to yell at a teenager, but it had to be said, and the Captain wasn't around to do it himself.

Wesley's chin snapped up and he attempted to stand up straighter, although he couldn't quite bring himself to look directly at the first officer. "I—I saw a problem sir, and I guess I just knew how to solve it."

Just knew? Riker doubted more than a few other people on board the ship were capable of doing what this boy had figured out in just minutes. Riker folded his arms over his chest. "Is that the only reason?"

Wesley looked down again. "I…knew Captain Picard was in trouble, and I wanted to help him. I wanted to show him…I don't know…" he trailed off self-consciously.

Riker rubbed his chin and sat down on the edge of the desk. So, young Mr. Crusher had been attempting to impress the Captain. He felt for the boy. Will had difficult issues with his own father, who had been emotionally if not physically absent during Riker's youth. In addition, he recalled the fact that Wesley didn't have a father, and that his father had died under Picard's command—a fact he had learned while embarrassing himself on the shuttlecraft just days earlier. It seemed he and Wesley had a few things in common, one of which was a desire to impress the captain.

There were a number of complicated issues there that had now no doubt come to the surface by Wesley seeing Picard again. Riker had his own complicated relationship with his father, and he could relate to what seemed to be Wesley's longing for a father figure. It made it very difficult to be upset with the young man.

Riker sighed. "Wes… it's hard for me to admit this, but I've never been prouder of anyone I've served with, than I am of you." Wesley broke out in a spontaneous grin, before struggling to become serious again. Riker continued. "Your ability to re-route the energy from the shields was ingenious, you kept a cool head, and most importantly you saved Captain Picard's life and possibly the lives of crew members who might have been harmed had that shuttle come in at full speed."

He stood up and put a hand on Wesley's shoulder. "But Wes, as capable as you may be you're a civilian…you're not a member of Starfleet. You can't make a decision again like that without consulting with me or Captain Picard first. Is that understood?"

Wesley nodded. "Yes, sir. It won't happen again, I promise."

Riker smiled and let go of his shoulder. "Good. Now, Captain Picard has asked to see you. He's still in recovery, but you can go and see him after class today."

Wesley's smile faded and he turned pale. He had never been alone with Captain Picard, and after his experience with Riker, he was not keen on finding out how upset the Captain was with him. "Uh, but sir?"

Riker knew what Wesley was thinking, but shook his head. "Sorry, Mr. Crusher. When you make adult decisions, you've got to answer for them like an adult. Dismissed."

San Francisco, Earth 2345

Picard squinted in the early morning sunlight. Breathing heavily from his run, he stooped and put his hands on his knees. The San Francisco air was chilly, and his breath released in quick little clouds of vapor. He had won the two-man race, but could take little joy in it, since Jack seemed to be in a completely different world, and oblivious to the shame of losing. The truth was, Jack had practically forced him to come on shore leave, and now that they were on Earth, Jack seemed to be in some kind of a daze. He seemed thoroughly distracted. "Jack, what's going on? Don't you care that you just lost—badly?" Jean-Luc said half-jokingly. He sat down heavily on the gravel track, and leaned backward on his hands. He dug the heels of his sneakers into the track absent-mindedly.

"Hell no, why should I? You always win," Jack laughed and flopped himself down on the grass, still wet with dew. Chest heaving from exertion he lay staring up at the sky. They were quiet for a few more minutes. Suddenly Jack clapped his palms over his eyes. "Okay, here it is. I'm sorry I didn't mention it sooner, but I met the most beautiful girl a few months ago, and I can't stop thinking about her," he said quickly.

"Jack, that's wonderful. I'm happy for you," he said getting to his feet and brushing off his shorts. Picard shrugged inwardly. He certainly wasn't upset that Jack hadn't told him sooner. Jean-Luc didn't tell Jack much about his own personal life, unless Jack asked, or as happened more frequently, Walker forced the information out of him. He thought the conversation was over, but Jack kept it going.

Jack sat up and then rose to his feet. "Remember when Walker invited us to his engagement party, and you backed out?"

"I didn't back out…" Jean-Luc protested as they began walking. "Captain Horan assigned me to oversee the retro-fit of the Stargazer—"

"Because Commander Warren didn't want to do it himself, yes I remember," said Jack with a sly smile. "The fact is, you didn't want to go."

Picard took a drink from his water bottle. "Jack, I'm having a hard time getting exhilarated every time Walker announces another marriage engagement. You know when I first met Walker about six years ago he was already on his way to getting divorced? And to be honest with you I have no idea what number wife he was on at that time."

Jack laughed. "Jean-Luc, when are you going to get that it's not just about your career? Your personal life is just as important—certainly more important than any damn retrofit. In a few years you'll be thirty. Don't you ever think about settling down?"

Picard stared at his friend with a baffled expression. "Weren't we talking about you?"

Jack laughed again and shook his head. "Yeah. Well, Walker was really disappointed you weren't there. Aside from you missing his party, he said he had someone he had wanted you to meet, but…lucky me, I met her first. Maybe that's why I didn't mention it to you sooner…."

Jack studied his friend's face, but there was no discernible disappointment or envy in Jean-Luc's expression, so he continued. "I want to introduce you in a few days; I just want it to be the right time. She's really busy with school right now and doesn't have a lot of free time."

"She's at the Academy?"

"Yes, but she's already been accepted to Starfleet Medical School. She's going to be a doctor, Jean-Luc, and she's brilliant. I can't even describe how I feel about her. But when you meet her, you'll see what I mean."

He awoke, and at first had no idea where he was. He had been dreaming of the past again. All those years ago, nearly twenty to be accurate, he had enjoyed the company of his best friend. Now those images and sounds, which had seemed so real faded again as he lay in a recovery room in sickbay on his new ship. He had been poisoned and temporarily paralyzed by an Andorian weapon and despite feeling better had not yet been cleared for duty. He picked up a book and began reading, when he heard a light knock at the entranceway. He looked up to see that Doctor Crusher's son was paying him a visit.

"You asked to see me, Captain?" Wesley walked hesitantly into the room. The lights were much dimmer than in the classroom from which he had just come. He blinked a few times to help his eyes adjust.

"Yes, Wesley", said Picard beckoning him in. "Please come in."
Wesley tried to hide his anxiety as he approached the Captain's bedside. It was an oppressive sensation, despite the fact that Picard was perhaps at his least intimidating at the moment. The Captain, Wesley noticed for the first time that sitting up in bed in hospital clothes, the Captain appeared pale and gaunt, his wiry strength clearly depleted. Yet somehow the intimidation remained. He remembered Riker's words and steeled himself.

When Wesley moved to Picard's bedside he stopped short and fiddled with his school memo pad which he held in front of him. He clamped his mouth shut aware that it was hanging open slightly.
Picard gestured for him to sit. "Please, do sit down Wesley" he said in what was possibly his most gentle voice. Finally Wesley sat down rather stiffly.

They were both silent for a few moments. Picard was the first to speak. He cleared his throat. "Wesley...Commander Riker has explained to me that you performed a rather impressive bit of engineering down in shuttle bay one."

His words came out in a flood. "I am so sorry sir; I swear I will never do anything like that again. It was a really stupid, stupid decision and I promise—"

"Wesley, please," Picard winced and held up his hand. "Wesley you saved my life. I am indebted to you."

"Oh," said Wesley, face reddening. He sat back in his seat, attempting to calm himself. He didn't know what else to say. He hadn't expected the Captain to be so…understanding.

"Wesley, I'm sure that Commander Riker has already spoken to you about the need for you to be more prudent in the future, am I correct?"

"Yes, sir," said Wesley, feeling as though there was a lump in his throat.

"Excuse me," said Picard as he picked up a glass of water on the bedside table and took a few sips. As he set the glass down again, he folded his hands in his lap, grimacing.

"Are you alright, sir?"

"Yes, I am fine." He cleared his throat. "You know, Wesley, the ability to engineer a tractor beam out of three different ship's systems is an unusual talent. Have you ever done anything like this before?"

Wesley hesitated, not sure if this was a trap. If he said yes, would the Captain be happy with him, or angry? He decided honesty was the only way. "Um, sort of sir; I mean not on the Enterprise. I boosted the efficiency of the master computer at Starfleet Medical."

"I see. And how long have you been able to do this kind of thing?"

"Well I've always enjoyed building things, sir. You know to solve problems, or even just for fun." He made a face, regretting his choice of words, not wanting to sound silly. It was hard for him to imagine Captain Picard having anything resembling "fun".

Picard smiled slightly. He sat forward and reached around to a small object on the table stand. He palmed it and handed it to Wesley who examined it closely. It was a Starfleet badge, and turning it over he saw it was equipped with full communication capabilities. He frowned and looked up at the Captain.

"I had Mr. Data design it for your personal use. Not an official Starfleet appointment to be sure, but as you can see, it's fully functional," said Picard. "And the next time the ship is in distress and you get a bright idea, I expect you to use it to contact Commander Riker first. And of course, in times of trouble, it can't hurt to let the Chief Medical Officer know where you are," he added.

Wesley swallowed. "Thank you sir," he said, voice wavering. He still held the badge tightly in his hand. Picard pushed himself out of bed and stood up. Taking the badge from Wesley, he carefully attached it to the upper left side of the boy's shirt. He gave it a slight pat to make sure it would not fall off and then stood back.

"Very good then," he said approvingly, and sat back down on the bed. Wesley was staring at him, apparently speechless. Picard resisted the urge to send the boy away at this point. He knew his inclination to do so was based on his own general discomfort around children, not anything Wesley had done, so he decided to change the subject.

"What else do you enjoy during your free time Wesley?" To his own ears the question sounded slightly strange, so he decided to try and re-phrase it, when something else suddenly came to mind. He hesitated, not sure if he should go down this road or not. But something compelled him. "You know, your father and I used to go running sometimes. I don't know if you enjoy any kind of sports, but if you are ever interested, I find I sometimes run better with a partner, and-"

Wesley was floored. "Wow that sounds awesome! Sir," he added quickly.

Picard sighed, feeling a strange sense of relief. "Good," he said simply. Not sure what else to say, he sat back against the pillows and tapped his fingers on his chest offhandedly.

"Captain, may I ask you a question?"

Picard looked slightly wary, but nodded.

"The day of Dad's funeral—do you remember how much it was raining?"

Picard looked up and into Wesley's eyes and something closely associated with guilt tightened in his chest. "Yes, I do," admitted Picard softly.

"I don't know if you saw me watching you, but I saw you walk away into the rain."

"Wesley, I don't know what to say." Picard folded his hands in his lap, feeling a familiar desire to withdraw into himself. But he realized that he could not do that with Wesley. The least he owed the boy was honesty, even if it was just to listen.

"It kept raining after you left, and to me it seemed like it didn't stop for days. You know what it's like when you're a kid," he clarified. He paused and looked at his hands. "Up until that day, I was so afraid, every time you would visit. I don't know maybe it was your voice. Mom tells me Dad used to laugh because I always used to hide when you visited. But when I saw you leave that day, I wished for the first time that you would come back. Maybe if you came back, then so would Dad."

Picard shifted uncomfortably but said nothing.

"When Mom came back in the house, everyone had gone, and it was just us two. Her face was soaking wet and I asked her if she was crying. She said…she said, "No, Wes, it's only the rain."