Chapter the Nineteenth, or "A Day That Will Live in Infamy."

I lay awake in the early hours of the morning, staring at the ceiling as the cold grey light of dawn began to filter in through my open window. Outside, Ylisstol was beginning to stir, and some of my more eager recruits and soldiers were already beginning their morning exercises. I wasn't sure why; it wasn't like we didn't do enough daily training as it was.

Once again, I had failed to get any meaningful sleep.

Nothing new at this stage. Between the persistent dreams (okay, nightmares, I'll admit it) and Tharja apparently claiming my room as a Plegian colony, I was finding it difficult to sleep lately.

Speaking of whom, Tharja was currently occupying about eighty percent of my bed, curled up on her side and facing away from me as she slept. I took a moment to look at the back of her head, watch the gentle rise and fall of her shoulder in time with her breathing, marvel at the fact her hair was still so straight and neat despite her not tying it up or anything as she slept.

I remembered trying to sleep with long hair, before it had started falling out. I remembered sleeping with other girls with long hair. How Tharja wasn't waking up with a rat's nest on top of her head was utterly beyond me.

Dark Magic, I reasoned. With Tharja, that was always the safest bet.

I caught a glimpse of Noire's small cot over her mother's shoulder, the baby sleeping peacefully within. Not that she'd been sleeping peacefully for long; she was half the damn reason I was so tired lately, because midnight feedings mostly consisted of me propping Tharja up and sticking the two together.

Tharja… I glanced at the back of her head out of the corner of my eye, feeling an odd sense of distance between us now. I'd had no idea she was the equivalent of… well, if not royalty, then at least high nobility. It was sobering, and once more I was struck by the fact that I couldn't see why she had been initially interested in me. Like, at all.

Now that I knew about her family, I just felt awkward.

I mean, sure having a child out of wedlock was frowned on here, but a noblewoman having a child out of wedlock was pretty much a death sentence. Had I known, I definitely would have done things differently.

Still, though, thinking about my daughter made me remember a certain outing her time-travelling self and I had been on, and how she had been so happy to just hold my hand.

I shifted a little, holding my hand up to the sunlight, splaying my fingers and letting the weak shadows dance on the wall opposite the window.

At my side, Tharja shifted, groaning a little.

"What are you doing?" she asked sleepily.

"Nothing, just stretching," I assured her, letting my hand drop to the bed.

Tharja grumbled something fairly inelegant, curling up tighter on her side. I lay there, mind blank for a moment, before a thought popped into my head and I scooted up behind her, wrapped her in the big spoon position and nuzzled her shoulder from behind. Tharja gave another annoyed groan, but shifted back flush against me, anyway.

"Why don't we take the day off," I suggested quietly. "Do nothing together. Wander around the city, relax a little. Sound like fun?"

"No, that sounds dreadfully boring," Tharja said sleepily. "Besides, we both have better things to do with our time."

"What, you don't want to play hooky, spend a little time alone together?" I tried again. "I can show you my favorite café, we can go harass the spellbook shopkeepers… it'll be fun."

"Ylisstol stinks," Tharja muttered.

I sighed through my nose, pulling back a little from her. Tharja muttered in protest, shifting to follow my warmth.

"Right," I said, trying to keep my disappointment out of my voice. "We're too busy, anyway."

Tharja just sighed contentedly as I automatically threw an arm over her, pulling her in closer.

It had been a silly, spur of the moment idea anyway, so I couldn't be too disappointed she wasn't interested. But still, that afternoon Noire and I had spent wandering around, doing nothing… it had been fun.

I did still really want the day off, though…

Unfortunately, part of being the guy in charge meant I had to be damn near dying to get some god forsaken time off.

"You think you could nearly kill me so I don't have to go to work today?" I asked. "Like, hex me almost to death, but not quite there?"

"I will hex you all the way to death if you do not let me go back to sleep," Tharja warned in a mumble, scrunching her eyes closed.

I didn't try to hide my sigh this time, blowing a breath out my nose. Tharja growled and scooted away from me, my breath having apparently tickled her neck. She rolled onto her back to glare at me, and I propped my head up on one hand, elbow planted firmly in the mattress.

"Good morning, Sunshine," I said with a smile.

"What?" she ground out.

I sighed again, watching her for a moment before rolling over.

"Nothing, sorry," I said. "Go back to sleep. I'm gonna go and get some breakfast."

Tharja didn't say anything, wrapping the blankets up around her shoulders and rolling back onto her side as I crawled out of bed. I frowned at the sight of her making herself so damn comfortable in my bed when I couldn't sleep myself, no matter how hard I tried. I shook the petty thoughts from my head and stepped out of the room, barefoot and shirtless, secure in the knowledge that no one else would be up at this hour-

"Good morning, sir."

"Jumping Jesus fuck!" I gasped.

I jumped at the sudden voice, almost slamming the door to my room but catching it at the last second and closing it quietly. Not for Tharja's sake, but so I didn't wake Noire. I turned, glowering at the young ninja who had… well, ninjaed me.

"Su'ko, what… why… when did you get back!?" I hissed.

My apparent new bodyguard was bowed low at the waist, eyes on the floor.

"Just now, sir," she said without looking up. "I am here to assume my duties, as per your agreement with the head of my clan."

And I could see, upon closer inspection, that she was being quite literal. She was still caked in mud and dust from her travels, and the unmistakable musk of saddle leather and horse wafted around her.

"Alright, stop that, stop bowing," I sighed.

"Yes, sir- eep."

Su'ko stood up straight, her eyes widening and her cheeks instantly blushing a deep crimson as she saw the state of my dress. Or rather, lack thereof. I think that Elle had spoiled me by not reacting in the slightest to my laziness, because it took a few moments of us staring at each other for this to process.

"Yeah, get used to this," I smirked.

I ran a hand over the top of my head as I stepped around Su'ko, making for the common room and the stock of tea that Virion thought he had so cleverly hidden. Su'ko rallied, following doggedly in my wake.

"Kid, go clean yourself up, you stink like a horse," I said over my shoulder.

The young Chon'sinian froze, her blushing face taking on an indignant expression before she smothered it under her usual calm professionalism. With a tight bow she spun on her heel, marching without a sound towards the stairs, without looking back. I felt a little bad, being so blunt, but she would need to get used to me.

Running a hand over the top of my head again and debating shaving before everyone else woke up to see me in this sorry state, I took another couple steps towards where Virion thought his stash was hidden before I paused, an idea forming in my tired mind that I couldn't quite ignore.

I rushed back to my room and over to Tharja. With a little gentle prodding and shaking, and then a little more not-so-gentle-prodding and shaking, she was awake and agreeing to help me. A little while later, the adult Noire gave a wide yawn as she unassumingly stirred at her bowl of cold oats and milk, shuffling through the common room already fully dressed and ready for the day despite the early hour. The poor girl had as much trouble sleeping as I did some nights, so I knew she would have been the first one awake.

I mean, this would have been fun with any of the group, but Noire gave this a whole new level of complexity that was just delicious.

I let Noire take a few more shuffling steps before I jumped out of my hiding place, rushing towards her.

"There's my baby girl!" I sing-songed. "Good morning, sweetie! How did you sleep?"

Noire froze like a deer in the headlights, her jaw dropping and her eyes wide as saucers as her bowl of oats clattered to the ground. And with good reason: I was doing all of this in Tharja's body, with a sunny smile on her face.

I made good use of the opening that Noire had presented me, rushing in and wrapping her in a tight hug.

"Mom!?" Noire squeaked.

I must have really caught her flat-footed; she never called Tharja 'mom', always respectfully calling her 'mother'. I grinned over her shoulder before pulling back with a wide, toothy smile and grabbing Noire's cheeks.

"Ooh, look at you, so adorable! But still so skinny! We need to feed you!"

"Mom?" Noire asked again, breathlessly, an uncertain smile rising to her lips.

"You know what's really good for you?" I asked, my grin taking on a slight edge. "It's got a lot of protein in it, great for filling you out. We need to get you some… broccoli."

There was a beat, a small moment of displacement and the accompanying nausea, and then I was back in my own body. Fortunately, I went rigid during the transition, otherwise I would have dropped the baby version of Noire I was currently holding. Instead, I carefully set her down in her cot, a vicious grin rising to my face in the silence as I headed for the door-

"DAD WHAT THE FUCK!?"

I broke into a fit of snickers as I stepped into the hallway, just in time to see a furious Noire storming past the other rooms towards me.

"Aw, c'mon, it was-" I started.

Noire cut me off with a hard shove to my shoulder, her face contorted in rage.

"That wasn't funny!" she screamed in my face, punctuating it with another shove.

My back hit the wall and I opened my mouth to tell her to simmer down, but she beat me to the punch again. Literally, slugging me in the arm with every syllable she spoke.

"That! Was! Not! Funny! You asshole!"

She stopped then, her head hanging low, shoulders heaving as she panted.

I was beginning to feel like I'd crossed a line here.

"Uh, Noire…" I started.

"Fuck you," she said, her voice low and thick. "J-just… fuck you."

When she turned away the tears running down her face caught the dawn sunlight, and my heart wrenched as she ran back up the hallway and out of the barracks.

I stood there, watching the space she'd vacated numbly for god only knows how long before Tharja sidled up to my shoulder, glaring up at me with tired eyes.

"Now can I go back to sleep?" she deadpanned.

"Thundercat, can you come in here, please?"

I sat, waiting at my desk with a shit-eating grin on my face, the persistent shadow of Su'ko standing at my shoulder. I had finished my afternoon's paperwork early, so I had a little time to kill. It had taken me only a few minutes to conjure up this particular mischief from the depraved depths of my mind. I think my evil chuckling might have unnerved my new bodyguard.

In short, despite my disastrous joke this morning warning me otherwise, I was sure that this was the best idea I'd ever had.

I hadn't seen Noire all day, but Virion had assured me she'd shown up for training like always, so I guess I hadn't pissed her off that much. I was still waiting for a random arrow to land in my ass, though, every time I walked past an open window…

My office door swung open, revealing the petite form of my maid, as plainly-pretty as always in her uniform. Elle stepped in, deftly closing the door behind her with a foot while balancing a tray of tea and biscuits in her hands.

"Good afternoon, Duke Ben, sir," she said with a small smile. "You've been working very hard today, so I've taken the liberty of preparing an afternoon snack for you."

Elle paused midway across the room, finally noticing Su'ko hovering at my shoulder.

"Ah, I see you've noticed your replacement," I said mildly. "Not only is she younger than you, she's also cuter."

Elle scoffed, resuming her pace and gently placing her tray down.

"Yes, yes, very amusing milord," she said lightly.

"Aw, you're no fun anymore," I pouted.

Judging from the relieved breath from behind me, someone had still believed me…

"I have learned to take what you say with a grain of salt, sir," she said without looking up.

Elle's hands were nearly a blur as she skillfully prepared my tea, placing the cup on a saucer before placing it gently in front of me. Only then did she look up, gracing Su'ko with a small smile.

"Ah, would you like any, miss…?" she asked politely.

"Thank you, but that would be unnecessary," Su'ko said softly.

I clapped my hands, startling both girls.

"Right, introductions!" I said cheerfully. "Elle, this is my new bodyguard, Su'ko. She's one of the Chon'sinian expats who have joined the army, and she's actually Lucina's replacement, not yours."

"You replaced Lady Lucina?" Elle gasped.

"She had better stuff to do with her time than hover around me, and she was getting a little mouthy," I shrugged. "Su'ko, this is my maid and primary caretaker, Elle. Both of you play nice."

"It is an honor to meet you, Lady Elle," Su'ko said formally in Chon'sinian, bowing low from the waist.

"I didn't understand that," Elle giggled, dropping a polite curtsey. "But it's nice to meet you, Su'ko."

I smiled a little, hiding it behind the rim of my teacup as I took a sip. As always, Elle's tea was perfect for my tastes; heavy, bitter, with just a hint of sweetness from the honey and cream. As close as I could get to coffee…

"So, what are you doing for the rest of the day, Elle?" I asked curiously.

"I… was going to take some personal time, milord," Elle said hesitantly.

"Anything super important?" I asked. "I was hoping to get your help on a little personal project."

"Of course, milord! I am, as always, at your disposal," Elle said, dropping another curtsey.

I rolled my eyes, my sigh a quick huff as I leaned back in my chair with a frown.

"When did you get so professional?" I asked sullenly. "I miss my meek little maid. Give her back."

Elle giggled into the back of her hand, gracing me with a sunny smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"You are my lord, of course I'm going to act properly around you," she said.

Something about the way she said it made it feel like a reprimand…

I cleared my throat, shifting a little in my seat.

"Right, well, are you willing to help me with this, Elle?" I asked, beaming my best roguish grin at her.

The maid fidgeted a little, frowning.

"You know, when you call me by name it makes me feel like you're up to no good."

"Oh, Elle, you wound me," I sighed, leaning forward before grinning again. "I'm always up to no good."

"I'm… putting a lot of trust in you, letting you do this."

"I know."

"I wouldn't just do this for anyone."

"I should hope not."

"This feels wrong."

"Is it too tight?"

"I'm… not sure. I'm not exactly used to this sort of thing."

"Relax. Lean into it."

"It won't hurt, right?"

"Only if you want it to."

"Do you have to make it sound so dirty?"

I chuckled and leaned back, admiring my handiwork.

Elle groaned and fidgeted, tied securely to a chair in the storage room next to my office. Beneath her was a perfect copy of the magic circle Tharja used to swap people, and in my hand was a towel that Frederick had left behind after our last joint training session a few days ago.

"This is gonna be great," I told her with a grin.

"You promise it doesn't hurt?" Elle repeated pleadingly.

"You won't feel a thing," I told her. "I've done this myself at least ten times in the last week. It's perfectly safe."

Of course, that was leaving out the fact that Tharja was the one swapping us before, and this would be my first time casting the spell myself. Tharja had been very clear this morning that if I was going to keep playing with this curse, I was learning it myself.

And so, I had learned.

I'd been paying close attention to what Tharja had been doing every time she had cast the hex, and she was a surprisingly good teacher. Also, it helped that the application of mana was actually quite small, thanks to using 'sacrifices' from both parties in the form of hair. Meaning all I had to do was point and click, really. That, and hope I didn't get the magic circle wrong.

So now, I was putting what I had learned into practice.

"I cannot believe I let you talk me into this…" Elle groaned, her head hanging.

"Okay, so Su'ko should be back any second now with our guest," I said, rubbing my hands excitedly.

"Why couldn't she be in the chair?" Elle asked with a slight pout.

"Because she's a ninja, and there is no safe way to bind a ninja," I said over my shoulder.

"I don't know what that is, but I'll take your word for it," Elle sighed. "Just promise you won't leave me tied up all afternoon."

"Oh, don't worry, Elle," I chuckled darkly. "You'll be free in a few minutes."

With that I slowly closed the door, leaving it open a crack. I didn't want her to suffocate. But I did want to fuck with the target a little first…

I rolled out my neck, letting out a long sigh as I stepped back into the office. Even with all this excitement, I was still pretty damn tired. I'd have to see about taking a nap or something later, find somewhere quiet to put my feet up and-

Three sharp knocks at the door heralded the arrival of my 'guest', and I perked up instantly. I rose up to my full height, putting my best 'General' look of don't-fuck-with-me on, before nodding.

"Enter!" I declared.

Su'ko pushed the door open, stepping inside and giving a low, subservient bow.

"I have returned, sir," she said in her soft voice.

"What is this all about? Have you found a way to… assist with milord and milady's situation?"

Frederick looked like shit as he stepped into the room, dark rings around sunken eyes, his complexion pale and haggard. Yet still, his armor gleamed and his suit was immaculate.

"I think I might have," I said gravely. "Come in. We don't want this getting out."

Frederick nodded, stepping into the room. With another bow, Su'ko slipped out behind him and closed the door, leaving us alone in the room.

"You look like shit," I commented idly, moving behind my desk.

"You do not look particularly fresh yourself," Frederick ground back.

The two of us glared at each other for a moment before I sighed, flopping down into my chair.

"Well, sit down already," I said.

"I would prefer to remain standing," Frederick said. "And I would also prefer you make this quick."

I dramatically rolled my eyes, just because I knew it would get under his skin. Under the desk, though, I was making hand symbols and drawing magical runes.

"Well, in that case…" I said, completing the spell.

Frederick blinked a few times, before looking down at himself. Then back up at me. Then back down at himself. This repeated a few times before…

"Ben! You foul miscreant, what have you done to me!?"

… there was an angry shout from the closet.

I grinned, slowly getting up from behind my desk and looking up at Elle/Frederick.

"How's it feel to be so tall?" I asked conversationally, crossing the room.

"Weird," she admitted, Frederick's usually deep voice oddly soft with my maid in his body. "You know he's going to kill you for this."

I just grinned, nudging the closet door open to reveal Frederick/Elle struggling violently against the ropes binding him. As soon as the light shone in, he looked up at me, the expression of imminent murder on my maid's face so out of place it made me laugh out loud.

"This is not funny!" Frederick roared from Elle's diminutive frame. "It was you! This whole time, this was all you! What manner of fiendish plot have you concocted-"

"Yeah, this was just a little fun, Fredward," I grinned, leaning my shoulder against the door jamb. "Y'all needed to loosen up a little, Chrom and Sumia especially. They both needed some time off, so… I gave it to them. You seemed like you could use a break, too, so why don't you sit there and relax for the afternoon?"

"I will end you!" Frederick snarled, spittle flying from Elle's lips. "When I am freed from here-"

"Elle will have already brought your body a long, long way away," I cut in with a malicious grin. "Probably across town. If I'm feeling really spiteful, out in the forest. Somewhere far enough to give you time to cool off on your way back. Until then, I think someone needs a time out."

As I finished, I began to slowly close the closet door.

"Ben, don't you dare!" Frederick warned. "I'm serious! When I get out of here-"

Whatever else was coming was cut off when I closed the closet, relishing in the silence as Elle looked at me with a worried expression.

"He seemed really mad," she said slowly.

"He's always really mad," I scoffed.

"I'm serious, milord, I don't think this is a good idea," Elle warned me.

"It'll be fine," I waved her off. "When I let him out, I'll make sure that he has the magic word to undo the curse and switch everyone back. He'll be too distracted running the magic word back to Chrom and Sumia to-"

Before I could finish saying 'kick my ass' like I'd been planning to, the closet door burst open, Frederick/Elle flying across the room at me. Elle/Frederick gave a frightened little squeak, which in Frederick's body sounded more like someone tooting a trumpet, and then he was on me.

"Pick a god and pray!" Frederick/Elle shouted, barreling me across the room.

My face was slammed into the wall, my arm grabbed and bent behind my back in a perfectpolice hold before Frederick/Elle snarled and slammed my face into the wall again.

"How the fuck did you…" I muttered into the cold stone.

"Fix this! Now!" Frederick roared.

"Agh! Jesus, lay off the arm!" I protested.

Frederick just slammed my face into the wall again.

"Fine! Fuck! Say broccoli!" I shouted.

"Broccoli!? Why-" Frederick/Elle started to say.

There was a brief moment of silence, and I shoved away from the wall as Elle leapt back from me. I spun, lifting my fists in case Frederick came in for another round, but the big knight was swaying on his feet, obviously feeling the post-switch nausea a little more keenly while standing.

"Get Chrom or Sumia to say it, and they'll switch back, too," I said in the lull.

Frederick shook his head clear, casting me the most withering glare I'd ever seen.

"Were I not more concerned for my lord and lady, I would kill you with my bare hands here and now," Frederick growled. "But I will leave your punishment up to milord."

Frederick stomped past me out of the room, Elle watching on in horror as the big knight stopped just outside my door, leaned against the wall and threw up all over the floor. With one last weak glare over his shoulder Frederick stalked off, leaving Elle and I in awkward silence.

"Ooh this is gonna go badly," I muttered.

"I told you so," Elle huffed. "I told you this would backfire. And now I have a puddle of puke to clean. Again."

I rounded on Elle, brow furrowing.

"What the fuck, girl!?" I snapped. "Have you been working out or something!? He hit me like a fucking truck!"

Elle jumped a little, blushing up to her roots as she frowned at me.

"Yes, for your information, I have been training recently," she said curtly.

"Well," I said slowly. "Okay then. Nice gains. Good job."

"Thank you," Elle said awkwardly.

Su'ko stuck her head inside the door questioningly, blinking a few times.

"And where the fuck were you while I was getting my ass beat!?" I asked hotly.

"In the hallway, as per your orders, milord," Su'ko said plainly, stepping back into the room.

I let out a long sigh, falling heavily back into my chair and reaching for a vulnerary for my face.

I could already hear the fat lady a-singin'.

And it wasn't my song.

The sun was dipping low over the horizon as I walked briskly through Ylisstol's inner ward, heading for the palace. I'd decided to face my comeuppance head on, rather than let Chrom and Sumia stew and eventually come for me. I was sure, if I spun it properly, they would see the humor in the situation.

And if I couldn't make them see it, I was at least secure enough in the knowledge I'd made myself too important to the running of the army and the northern territories for them to just kill.

Still, I wasn't exactly looking forward to this.

As I strode through the busy city streets, Su'ko conspicuously absent after I'd ordered her to stay at the barracks, I tried to subtly rotate my shoulder. Frederick hadn't exactly been gentle, and while that vulnerary had taken care of the bruising on my face, my shoulder joint was still kinda sore.

The crowds began to thin out as I got closer to the palace, the usual hustle and bustle of the building dying down as the day ended and people no longer had a reason to be around the palace. The hush of the twilight palace made me feel a profound sense of disquiet, butterflies fluttering around like mad in my stomach. I quashed them, though, holding my head high.

Part of being in charge was knowing when to face the music, and if I wanted to spin this and get out with my hide still intact, I'd need to strike while the iron was hot.

I approached the entryway, tensing and slowing my pace as two of the royal guard stepped forward to meet me. They looked supremely uncomfortable, but didn't move to bar my path. Yet, anyway.

"Gentlemen," I greeted.

"Duke Ben, sir," one of them nodded. "I would… not go in there, were I you."

I came to a stop just out of striking range of their halberds, eying them warily.

"Oh?" I said calmly. "Any reason why?"

"Commander Frederick told us to bar your way," the other guard said hesitantly. "But… by law, you outrank us. So we can't. But, really milord, the Commander was livid. I've never seen him like that before. I wouldn't want to face him like that."

"I already did," I scoffed. "But, seeing as we've already established that I so far outrank your commanding officer that he prays to me for bountiful harvests and the fertility of his daughters, I suggest you move aside."

One of the men smirked and chuckled a little as he stepped back, but the other one moved more hesitantly.

"It's your decision, milord," the guard said. "But…"

"I'll let you say 'I told you so' if I leave injured," I promised him, stepping between them.

Then I was inside the comparative gloom of the palace, threading my way through the servants as they rushed around and lit the candles and lanterns. None of them spared me a second glance, though, so clearly Frederick hadn't been fuming and spitting the whole way to the royal apartments. A couple of the other Royal Guards did give me odd looks, but I ignored them.

I took the stairs up to the royal apartments two at a time, hoping that momentum would help keep me going. I didn't even hesitate at the top of the stairs, angling for the door to Chrom and Sumia's rooms. I stopped just long enough to pound on the polished hardwood three times before opening the doors and stepping in.

"Please tell me you're decent this time!" I called out as I closed the doors behind me.

My exclamation was met with silence.

"Hello…? Chrom? Sumia?" I asked into the stillness. "Anyone? … Frederick? Come on, guys, I wasn't gonna leave you switched forever. Don't listen to Frederick, he hates me!"

The room was dark, the candles and lamps not yet lit, the only light coming from the sinking sun through the wide balcony doors on the other side of the room.

"Hello, Ben."

I will admit, I yelped as I spun. I found Chrom standing there in the dark, arms crossed. I couldn't see his face, but he looked tense.

"Jesus, Chrom, don't do that to me!" I gasped. "I almost shit my pants! Uh… that is… Chrom in there, right?"

"Oh yes," he said, not bothering to move into the light. "Frederick told us about the 'broccoli'. It's me."

"Well. Good," I nodded awkwardly. "I was… just coming to tell you that myself, actually. Where's, ah, everyone else?"

"Frederick has taken Sumia to Midland, to convalesce at her family's home," Chrom said, his voice eerily calm. "She has taken Lucina with her. I will be joining them once we sort this mess out."

"Well. Good! The two of you deserve a break," I said, chuckling nervously, my palms starting to sweat.

"I'd like to ask you a question," Chrom asked evenly.

A cold sweat broke out on my back, and I smiled nervously.

"Sure thing, buddy," I nodded. "What's, ah, on your mind?"

"Why did you do it?" he asked.

I swallowed heavily. I had two options here; lie and dig myself deeper, or admit the truth and hope my honesty impressed him enough that he didn't kill me.

He seemed pissed, though. At this point, I was willing to come clean about the joke and hope I didn't die.

"I…" I started.

I trailed off, letting the silence hang as Chrom stepped into the dying light. The look on his face promised murder. I'd only seen him look like this on the battlefield before, and being on the receiving end of such a cold expression from a friend definitely hurt a little. When I noticed the vein throbbing on his forehead, the tendons of his neck sticking out like steel cables against his flesh, and I realized just how upset he was about this, I will admit I faltered.

"… I thought you guys could use a break?" I tried weakly.

"Try again," Chrom growled dangerously.

"Fine!" I snapped, throwing my hands up in the air. "You want the truth? Fifty percent that, fifty percent wanting to get back at the two of you for the 'no swear month' bullshit. Happy now?"

"Of course I'm not happy!" Chrom suddenly shouted. "My best friend scared my whole family half to death, over some petty grudge!? Why would that make me happy!?"

"It's a figure of speech and you know it!" I shouted back. "And Jesus Christ, Chrom, it was a joke!"

Chrom snarled wordlessly, his fist coming up as he advanced a threatening couple of steps. I hopped back, holding my hands up placatingly, almost instinctively. For all my recent training, I still doubted I could take the big guy.

"Do I not get to tell my side?" I croaked as calmly as I could, under the circumstances.

"Frederick told me all I needed to hear!" Chrom shouted.

"Frederick hates my guts!" I reminded him hotly. "And Frederick didn't get the whole damn story either!"

"Out with it, then!" Chrom roared, hesitating now. "No more lies! No more jokes! I want the truth!"

Contrary to Chrom's demands, however, I fully intended to lie my way out of here.

"You needed a fucking break!" I shouted back. "You and Sumia both! You were both working yourself into the ground, and-"

"Don't you dare try to spin this!" Chrom demanded, stomping forward a few steps. "Not after you just admitted to your selfish reasoning!"

I kept my hands up, shuffling back a little but not taking my eyes off his as I internally cursed myself for sticking my foot in my mouth. This… was not going well.

"Okay, so maybe opening with that was a mistake," I admitted.

"This whole endeavor was one giant, foolish mistake!" Chrom seethed.

"Well how else was I supposed to get you both to stop and rest for a week!?" I asked. "I took every precaution to make sure it was safe, Chrom! Hell, I even tested it on myself! On myself, before anyone else, to make sure it wouldn't do any damage! Give me a little credit here!"

"You walk a fine line, Duke Baham," Chrom growled icily. "Choose your words carefully."

"Oh fuck you!" I snapped, taking a bold step forward myself now. "You don't get to go all monarch on me when you start to lose the argument!"

Murder flashed in Chrom's eyes, and for a second I feared my temper had made me push too far, but Chrom didn't move towards me again.

"We thought it was permanent!" he exploded. "Sumia cried for days! I thought my family was at risk, Ben! We thought Lucina was next, for Naga's sake! How was this supposed to be relaxing for us!? How was I supposed to relax when I was sitting up, every damned night, waiting for my child, my baby girl, your own goddaughter, to keel over dead from hex we had no defense for!"

"This is why you needed a break!" I shot back. "You're both so high-strung-"

"We rule this country!" Chrom thundered. "We don't get to 'take a break' as you so glibly put it! We have responsibilities! All of us, you included!"

"The responsibility to work yourself to death!?" I shot back. "When was the last time you did any training!? When was the last time you even left the palace!?"

"Don't you dare try to make this about me!" Chrom snarled. "You were way out of line! And you cannot be so ignorant as to not know it!"

We glowered at each other for a moment, Chrom's eyes narrowing in the gloom. We were alone here. Chrom could easily kill me, and no one would be the wiser. I felt a drop of sweat roll down my neck at the thought. He really looked like he could, right now.

"Tell me, if someone attacks a ruler in your homeland, what is the punishment?" Chrom asked, eerily calm all of a sudden.

"It, ah, depends," I said lamely.

"What is the punishment?" Chrom asked, harder this time.

"For a joke? A fine, maybe some community service," I said quickly.

"And an actual attack?" Chrom pressed. "On a ruler, and his family?"

"Chrom, it was a joke-" I started.

"Answer my question!" the Exalt roared.

"Prison! Death! I don't fucking know!" I shouted back.

We were both panting now, glaring at each other with clenched fists and jaws. Chrom's usually calm, 'big-brother'-like countenance was gone, the warrior-Exalt at the fore here. It was with noticeable effort that he reined himself in, giving me a cold look.

"The fact that you are a Duke, and one only recently installed, is the only reason I haven't had you clapped in irons and strung up in my dungeons," Chrom said darkly, his posture finally straightening. "I can't afford to further destabilize the north-eastern corner, not so soon after the war with Plegia. Remove yourself from my sight. You should… keep your head down for a while."

Then it hit me. Chrom's posture, the expression on his face, the look in his eyes…

It was the same expression he'd worn in Plegia.

Chrom was looking at me like I was an enemy.

"Jesus, Chrom… you'd really do it, too," I said, eyes widening in realization. "You don't even care that we're friends. You'd really kill me over this."

"Ben, this could very easily be considered an attack on the sovereignty of Ylisse," Chrom warned. "Treason. The penalty for treason is death."

"It was a joke!" I said desperately.

"And it wasn't very funny," Chrom growled. "Now get out before I change my mind. Frederick was right. It was a mistake to place you in such an important position."

Those words stung like a slap across the face, and I literally reeled, eyes widening and mouth going slack as I tried to process what Chrom had said.

Very rarely had someone said something that had hurt me so badly, but this was right up there at the top of the list.

"Alright then, Your Majesty," I said stonily. "Please allow me to remove myself from your presence."

I turned away, glancing down at my hand. Almost as an afterthought I tugged Chrom's signet ring off my finger, and held it up to the dying light. The twilight sun glinting off the gem encrusted ring that I had been so proud to wear got Chrom's attention, and he half-turned with a confused furrow to his brow.

Chrom was acting the fool here, but I wouldn't be outdone. I may have been overreacting a little, but I was far from the only one guilty of that today.

And I'd be damned if I was going to give him the final word.

"You may want this back, milord," I spat, dropping the ring on the floor and turning away.

The sound of the ring hitting the floor was almost deafening in the silence that followed. I didn't stick around to see what Chrom's reaction was to my epic mic drop, striding back out the doors and into the hallway. I stopped just long enough to take a couple of deep breaths to compose myself, my hands shaking as I ran them down my face. Setting my face in the deepest, meanest frown I could, I jammed my hands into my pockets and stomped back down the stairs and out through the main hall. I didn't look up as I passed through the front gates, practically jogging down the stairs.

The Guards must have thought it was weird; I'd only been in there for less than fifteen minutes. My confrontation with Chrom had barely taken five minutes.

But then again, they'd probably been expecting something like this to begin with.

I got a few steps from the bottom of the stairs when a familiar voice called out to me, drawing a long sigh as I slowed.

"Hey! Ben!"

"Vaike, I'm really not in the mood," I said as I started to turn. "Whatever it is, can it wait-"

I barely managed to face back towards the palace, awkwardly positioned mid-turn when Vaike sucker-punched me. I took the blow full on the jaw, the force of the punch turning me back around and knocking me down. Stars flashed in my vision as I went down, rolling with the blow to unsteadily come back up to my feet some distance away, suddenly grateful I'd spent so much time training lately. The move had been muscle memory, almost instinct. I blinked, trying to clear my vision as I suddenly found myself upright again after the tumble.

"You stay the fuck away from my girl!" Vaike snarled, advancing on me. "I thought you were my friend!"

I'd cleared enough of the stars from my eyes to see the second punch coming, and I hissed as I blocked it with my forearm, turning the blow aside.

"You get one," I growled warningly.

We stepped back from each other, Vaike glaring at me in disgust as I massaged my jaw.

"And why don't you sit down and ask Miriel about who kissed who, huh?" I added.

"Screw you," Vaike snapped, before spitting on my boots. "Don't show your face 'round here for a while, or I'll make you sorry."

I bit back the retort on the tip of my tongue, desperately clenching my teeth in an ugly grimace as I tried to keep my rage in check. Vaike made another disgusted sound and turned away, stomping back towards the Shepherds garrison. Leaving me alone in the dark street, reasoning that at least Vaike hadn't tried to kill me, too.

Upon my return to the barracks I found myself pacing in my office, on the verge of panic. As if reading my mood, Su'ko and Elle had both given me a wide berth. None of the others were back from their respective duties yet, or else were avoiding me, too. Which suited me just fine right now, honestly.

I'd tried going for the safety of my room first, but I'd been able to hear Tharja's evil cackling from the hallway, and still felt awkward about the distance between us, so I'd opted for my office instead.

Now I paced, wondering what the future would hold for me.

Chrom hadn't outright dismissed me, which was a good start. Dropping the mic on him by dropping the ring had probably been a mistake, but all I'd really done there was 'resign' as his retainer. I hadn't quit as General, and I hadn't quit as Duke. So, really, the damage done was minimal.

Or so I told myself, anyway.

Chrom did still have the authority to order my detention and/or execution. So, too, did Sumia.

"God fucking damn my need to always get the last word in!" I growled to myself as I paced.

Unfortunately, unlike my room, my office still had my 'end of the world' stash of liquor in it. If ever there was a reason to indulge in that stash, this was it. I wasn't even sure what the contents of the bottle actually were. Some sort of moonshine. I'd only taken a sip before, and it had smelled and tasted like paint thinner.

It suited my current needs perfectly.

I was across the room in a flash, buried up to my waist in the bottom drawer of my desk as I rooted around through the miscellanea that had built up over the year since I had claimed this office. Random primitive machine parts, broken quills, scraps of paper and random chunks of metal… I was surprised the bottle hadn't broken under all this crap.

I mean, really, does anyone know what's in their bottom drawer?

With a triumphant laugh my fingers wrapped around the cool glass of the bottle, and I fell into my chair. I glared at the 'end of the world stash' for a few moments, recalling the promise that I'd made with Elle that I'd cut back on drinking.

"Fuck it," I declared, tearing the cork out with my teeth and taking a long swig.

I'd screwed up just about everything else in my life today, I may as well go for broke.

The liquor was harsh and almost tasteless, but as it burned its way down to my stomach the aftertaste of rotten oranges and Nintendo Switch game cartridges hit me like a runaway train. After only a few seconds I also found myself regretting having skipped dinner as my head began to spin, and I shook my head a little.

"Wow this shit's got a kick," I muttered.

I plugged the bottle with the cork and pocketed it as I carefully stood, mindful of the fact that the world seemed to be spinning the opposite direction all of a sudden. Doing my best to look sober and failing miserably, I walked in a zig-zag pattern to my door, stepping out into the hallway. I didn't want to stay cooped up in my office where all I could think about was work, and that particular train of thought led back to Chrom who was technically my boss. What I really wanted was to just crawl into bed with this bottle, but with Tharja set up in my room, and my backup room in the palace currently a little too hot to feel safe in, I was shit out of luck there.

With a mental shrug, I headed for the stairs to my little hidey perch above the barracks. That couch was pretty comfortable, and with the addition of the potent booze I was sure I could upgrade that status to 'heavenly' by about halfway through this bottle.

Mindful of how brutal just a single swig had been, I refrained from drinking any more as I made my way to the narrow, steep access stairway to the rooftop space.

Knowing the day I'd been having, I'd end up falling backwards and breaking my neck if I pushed my luck.

Halfway up the stairs I scoffed, running a hand down my face.

Who was I kidding? Knowing the month I'd been having I was liable to be struck by lightning up there.

Deciding to take my chances, I emerged out onto the roof. I stopped and closed my eyes at the top of the stairs, taking a deep breath of the cool evening air tinged with familiar smoke.

"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in," Robin chuckled. "The hell happened to your face?"

I opened my eyes, the tactician lounging on the sofa I'd blatantly stolen from the palace with her favorite pipe in her hands. And yes, the fact that I knew this was her favorite meant that I knew that she had more than one. I had well and truly been a bad influence on her.

"I'm guessing from the simple fact that you're sitting there smoking that Virion finally managed to talk Lucina into spilling the anti-curse?" I said, quirking a brow.

"You guess correctly," Robin smirked. "He threatened to tell Chrom her secret, and she caved instantly."

"Gotta remember that button for future pushing," I muttered.

"Quit deflecting, what the fuck happened to your face?" Robin asked again.

I rolled my eyes, moving to the couch and flopping down beside her. Robin pulled her legs in as I sat/fell, then put her feet back across me so her calves rested atop my thighs.

"Did you always swear so much?" I asked as I got settled.

"Habit after swearing in Virion's body for the last few days," she supplied.

"Nice," I laughed, before sighing. "Vaike punched me."

"Did you deserve it?" Robin asked mildly.

She clicked her fingers, a small gout of fire magic lighting the weed in the pipe as she took a long draw. The embers created a soft orange glow in the gloom, lighting Robin's face from beneath.

"Kinda?" I said. "Miriel made me kiss her as an experiment. Vaike clearly found out."

"And was not pleased," Robin finished as she exhaled a cloud of smoke.

"And was not pleased at all, no," I sighed. "Figures Miriel wouldn't have been able to keep her mouth shut. You know, he actually spat on my boots."

"Damn," Robin chuckled. "Usually that would be a death sentence. You must really feel guilty."

"I don't know," I groaned, drawing the words out to twice their usual length as I pulled the bottle out of my pocket. "Today's been such a shit of a day…"

"Yeah, heard that little tiff you and Noire had," Robin scoffed.

"Ugh, don't remind me," I said, yanking the cork out again. "I was talking about Chrom and Sumia finding out I switched them."

Robin watched me incredulously as I took a long drink of the cheap liquor. I made a face as I lowered the bottle into my lap, resting it between Robin's legs.

"You dumb mother fucker," Robin said at last.

"I regret teaching you to swear," I muttered.

"You actually switched Chrom and Sumia?" she went on. "For how long?"

"All week," I admitted.

"Well. Damn. I'm surprised they let you walk out of there after only taking the ring back," Robin said, leaning back a little before holding her pipe out. "Swap?"

I took the pipe and placed the bottle of moonshine in her outstretched hand. She took a sip as I lit the pipe with a click of my own fire spell, Robin coughing at the sudden harshness of the moonshine as I took a long drag on her pipe. I had definitely gotten the better end of the deal.

"What are you drinking!? Paint thinner!?" Robin coughed, glaring down at the little bottle.

I let out a breath, an impressive cloud of silver smoke wafting into the air above my head.

"It's my 'end of the world stash'," I told her. "Felt fitting. Worst case, we may need to go so far as to move this operation to Baham if things don't cool down with Chrom and Sumia."

Robin shook her head, taking a much smaller sip this time before making a sour face.

"Yeah, it's not any better when you know what's coming," she said with a shake of her head, her voice tight. "And I wouldn't be so quick to plan to pack up and leave. You always jump to the worst conclusion possible."

I rolled my eyes, smiling fondly.

"That's why I keep you around," I told her, before taking another puff. "You keep me from panicking and doing stupid shit."

"Now if only I could keep you from doing stupid stuff, period," Robin smirked, holding up my bottle. "Here, swap back."

"No way, this is way better than that paint thinner," I laughed.

Robin grinned and rolled her eyes, her leg jumping over to nudge me in the gut. Unfortunately, her knee bent up and nearly brushed my bruised jaw, and I reflexively winced.

"Ugh, fuck, fine, take it," I grunted.

"Hey, I didn't hit you that hard," Robin said, her brow creasing with worry.

We swapped our respective poisons back, and I leaned back in the couch again.

"Sorry, Vaike kinda… hit me a lot harder than I thought," I sighed.

"And you went for the booze instead of the vulnerary?" Robin asked.

"Hey, it's been a long day," I said, glancing over at her. "Also I may subconsciously be letting myself suffer as a form of punishment because my subconscious feels like I deserve to be punished or something, but I really did not pay attention during my first year psych classes."

Robin blinked at me for a moment before tapping the ashes out of her pipe and shaking her head.

"It worries me that I actually understood that," she said. "You sure you don't want a vulnerary or something?"

"Nah, I'd rather just drink myself into a coma," I shrugged.

"Yeah, because that'll impress Tharja," Robin scoffed, quirking a brow.

"Fuck Tharja," I said, taking another long drink.

"Isn't that the idea?" Robin asked with another smirk.

I shook my head, the alcohol making everything fuzzy around the edges now. Along with the comfortable warm haze from the weed in Robin's pipe, I was feeling pretty good. And also, apparently, talkative.

"You know, I regret it," I admitted, fiddling with the neck of the bottle. "With her. They always say 'don't stick your dick in crazy', and I went and stuck my dick in crazy…"

"And now you have a kid," Robin nodded.

"And now I have a kid," I agreed with a long sigh. "Don't get me wrong. I'd die for Noire. I'd kill everyone in this city if it would make her happy. But Tharja is…"

"Clingy? Abrasive? Incredibly, frighteningly attractive?" Robin supplied helpfully.

"Different," I settled on, shaking my head and looking away. "Gah, listen to me, bitching and moaning about my problems like some whiny teenager. Forget about it."

Robin shifted, the warmth of her legs across my lap disappearing as she moved and leaned heavily against my shoulder, resting her head next to mine. After a moment's hesitation, Robin reached out and took my empty hand in both of hers, cradling it on her lap and running her thumbs over the back of my hand comfortingly, her pipe sitting on the arm of the couch she had vacated.

"Hey," she said softly. "You constantly listen to me bitch and whine about my problems. The least I can do is hear you out."

We sat like that for a time, me fiddling with the almost empty bottle of my stash, Robin gently playing with my hand. Sitting here, alone with Robin in such close proximity, I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time.

I felt peace.

"I don't love her," I admitted softly.

"I figured," Robin murmured back.

"I don't know what to do," I went on.

"I have an idea," she said slyly.

I turned my head, glancing over at her.

"Oh? Do tell," I said.

Robin just grinned playfully, closing the distance between us and placing a sweet, chaste kiss on my lips.

I blinked as she pulled back slightly, a small pink blush rising to her face as she grinned at me.

"What do you think?" she asked.

I leaned forward slowly, Robin moving to meet me, and we kissed again. Robin pulled on my captive hand, drawing me closer and placing it on her hip before her own hands rose to encircle the back of my neck. She leaned up into me, our kiss deepening before Robin pulled back a little again.

"I take it you like my idea?" she said lightheartedly, her breath tickling my lips and moustache she was still so close.

I hummed an affirmative, my other hand dropping the almost empty bottle and snaking around her other side. With a small yelp that faded into a laugh on her part, I pulled Robin around my side and up into my lap. Not wasting any time, Robin wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me in close, her lips parting with a small sigh as I pulled her closer.

"This is a bad idea," I told her.

"Hey, you pulled me onto your lap," she reminded me.

I grinned, leaning up to kiss her again. She responded hungrily this time, her lips and tongue fairly buzzing against mine.

Kissing Robin was unlike anything else I'd ever experienced. Of course, that could also have been because I was drunk and high, but that's beside the point. Every shift of her body against mine felt divine; her hair brushing against the side of my face, her breasts pressed to my chest, the way she wriggled restlessly in my lap, it was sensory overload, blissful agony to my intoxicated brain, and all I could think of was wanting more.

Robin slid one hand down my chest, lingering against the outline of my pec before continuing its descent to my lap. Drawing a sharp intake of breath from me at the sudden contact, Robin slowly slid her hand under my shirt and up the toned lines of my stomach until it was resting on my chest over my heart. Not to be outdone, I let the hand on her hip roam backwards around her rear, earning a small, pleased shudder from the woman, before I slid it into her shirt and around to the small of her back. Robin's skin was flawless and smooth, softer than silk and hot like burning coals against my palm. She let out a small moan into my mouth as my hand brushed against her, then she was moving, pulling back and swinging a leg over top of me so she was straddling my lap.

This was quickly beginning to escalate out of hand, but as Robin cradled my face in both her hands and smiled down at me, I found myself not caring.

I leaned up into Robin's hands, our kisses reaching an almost fevered pitch as she began to grind against my lap. Her hands moved around to the back of my head, and for a moment I was disappointed I no longer had hair for her to run her fingers through or hold onto, but I distracted myself by letting my own hands drift lower on her hips, my fingers diving beneath the waistband of her pants now. She gasped, her hands dropping to the bottom of my shirt, slowly beginning to pull it upwards.

Making out with Robin, because by now we had well and truly gone beyond 'just kissing', felt good in a way that being with Tharja didn't. Not because it was new and exciting, not because you would have to have been blind to miss the sexual tension in our relationship, but because I felt like Robin actually valued me as a person, not as an accessory. It felt right, the same sort of way it had felt when I spent time with Noire…

My thoughts of my daughter brought me crashing back to reality, and with a small groan I broke away from the kissing. I moved one hand up, back to the small of Robin's back to keep her balanced so she didn't fall, and with the other hand I jammed my shirt back down.

"Robin, stop," I said, looking away.

"Don't wanna," Robin said breathlessly, planting a line of kisses along my cheek as she looked for my lips again. "You don't want me to, either."

I gave another pained groan as she placed her lips on mine again, letting the touch linger a moment before I turned my head the other way.

"Robin, stop, please," I repeated. "I can't do this."

"Yes you can," she whispered in my ear. "You said yourself, you don't love Tharja."

She nibbled playfully on my ear, my resolve nearly crumbling at that.

"I don't love her," I agreed. "But I'm still in… in some sort of weird, involuntary relationship with her. Robin, I can't be the one to… to cheat."

This finally made her pull back from me, a frustrated scowl on her face.

"Even when you don't want to be with her in the first place?" she asked firmly.

"She deserves better than that," I told her. " I've been on the receiving end of that shit, Robin, I can't do it to someone else. And you deserve better than being a number two."

"Then why Nowi?" Robin asked, her voice almost pleading. "Why not me?"

"Because Nowi was before Tharja came back with my daughter and this whole 'relationship' really started," I admitted. "I already feel guilty enough about that."

Robin sat there on my lap for a moment, glaring down at me and chewing absently on her lip. I didn't, couldn't, look away from her amber-colored eyes. When she finally sighed and looked away, flopping back down on the couch at my side I let out the breath I'd been holding. If she had started kissing me again, I probably would have taken her right here on the balcony.

"You are either a very good man, or a very big tease," Robin growled. "And neither option really makes me feel any better right now."

"I'm… sorry, Robin," I sighed. "That wasn't fair of me."

"No, it wasn't fair of me," she said. "Not with everything else going on right now."

Robin shifted until our shoulders were touching again, her head resting against my shoulder like before as she reached for my hand again. I let her take it, and she entwined her fingers with mine, looking down at the two clasped hands.

"I'm not sure," she said quietly. "I mean, with the amnesia and all… but I think I love you."

"Robin…"

"I have absolutely no frame of reference, of course," she went on with a slight shrug, before I could say anything in response. "But… I wanted you to know how I felt."

She glanced up at me, smiling.

"That's a low blow," I said, only just barely managing not to choke on my tongue. "And after all that, I think I got a pretty good idea about how you feel."

We sat in silence for a time, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Or, well, I assumed Robin was lost in her thoughts. My own mind was churning so fast I couldn't nail anything down, and I was waiting for the chance to think straight again.

Robin eventually let out a long sigh, shifting and stretching in a very feline fashion.

"It's probably for the best right now anyway," she said with a small grin. "Virion took the worst of it, but I'm not done bleeding yet, and we were getting pretty close to getting carried away."

I smirked, biting back on my response of 'it's never stopped me before', and nodded sagely.

"And at last, a man understands the struggle of women," I said, mock seriously.

"Well, one of them," Robin agreed, flopping back onto the couch at my side. "Ugh. Maybe I should just start taking the stupid herbs again."

"Why'd you even stop?" I asked conversationally.

I found that I was in no great hurry to go back inside, and I laid my arms along the back of the couch. Robin made a sound almost like a purr as she took the invitation to sidle up next to me again, resting her hand on my chest as she got comfortable against my shoulder.

"I didn't want to run the risk of ending up barren," she answered. "I mean, sure not having the stupid cycle is great, but I do want kids one day."

She paused for a moment, her face scrunching up in thought.

"At least, I think I do," she said after a moment. "Not sure if that's a recent thing or not."

I nodded, frowning a little. Something Robin had said was setting off alarm bells in my mind, but through the moonshine and the pot it was a little difficult to focus on anything besides the comfortable warmth against my side.

"You seem awfully interested in this stuff for a man," Robin pointed out, glancing up at me from beneath her lashes.

I scoffed, shaking my head. "By Ylissean standards, maybe. I probably know how your reproductive system works better than you do."

"There's a scary thought," Robin chuckled, before sighing. "Ugh. Maybe I will start taking them again. The thought of the cramps and stuff while we're trying to train two more regiments is not appealing."

"And the Ylissean version of the herbs totally stop the cycle?" I asked. "Maybe I should put Tharja onto them. Pretty sure the Plegian ones she was taking just made her crabbier."

Robin stirred a little against my chest, before glancing up at me.

"What do you mean 'Plegian ones'?" she asked curiously.

"What do you mean, what do I mean?" I asked.

"I mean, all the herbs are Ylissean," Robin explained slowly. "There are none in Plegia. They have to import them. From what I heard, there's nowhere to grow their own."

My heart practically stopped.

"And you say… these Ylissean herbs act as a contraceptive by totally stopping a woman's cycle?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice even.

"Yes, at least as far as I've experienced, and everyone I've spoken to about them has told me," Robin said. "Wait. Are you saying…"

"That Tharja never missed a cycle?" I said quietly. "Not even when she told me to my face that she was taking the damned things."

Robin jerked away from me, looking at me with wide eyes. I groaned and leaned forward, putting my head in my hands.

"Okay, don't jump to conclusions," she said quickly. "Just because I don't know about a Plegian version doesn't mean one doesn't exist."

"No, it makes sense," I ground out. "Where would they grow them? They can barely grow corn in Plegia, and corn grows everywhere."

"Okay, well, she's a Dark Mage, right?" Robin tried again. "Maybe she knew a hex or, or something…"

"She flat out told me that such convenient magic didn't exist," I said, my voice starting to tremble a little. "Not any that wasn't… wasn't permanent…"

I ground my teeth together, Robin placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"No," I said, slowly lifting my head. "If it quacks like a duck, swims like a duck and looks like a duck, it's a duck. Tharja lied to me."

"You don't know that for sure," Robin reminded me.

"Well I'm going to go find out," I growled, lurching to my feet.

Suddenly, the comforting, numbing haze fell away and I felt more sober than I ever had in my life. Fear had a strange way of cleansing the mind, of focusing you.

That's what I felt. Fear. Fear at the thought of yet another partner lying to me.

Robin put a forestalling hand on my arm as I rose, and I glanced back down to her. I knew my face was cold, hardened; I could feel it in the clenching of my jaw. But Robin just looked up at me with concern flowing off her, before slowly pulling her hand away.

"Just… promise me you won't do anything you'll regret," she said quietly.

"It's far too late for that," I told her.

With that I stomped back into the barracks, practically flying down the stairs before marching straight to my room. It wasn't far to go, just down the hall and around the corner, but it felt like much longer. Yet, when I found myself standing in front of my door, I felt like it hadn't been anywhere near long enough.

Of course, this all made a twisted kind of sense, I reasoned as I glared at the door. This was the exact kind of thing someone desperate to maintain a relationship would do in a medieval culture like Ylisse or Plegia's. Especially if that someone were as sheltered and, frankly, unstable as Tharja. I shook my head, realizing I was jumping to conclusions again. I would hear her out first.

I pushed the door open, looking first for Noire before my eyes settled on Tharja. She was reclining lazily on my bed, flipping through some archaic book. Noire's cot was empty, but that was normal around now. If Noire was still awake Elle liked to take her to the baths with her. Which was just perfect. It left me all alone with Tharja.

I stopped inside the doorway, openly staring at Tharja as I desperately wracked my mind trying to come up with how to approach this. I watched her carefully, and in the hyper-aware state that I found myself in, I saw every little movement of her body, every twitch of her muscles, every shift of her hair.

I'd be able to tell if she lied.

The dim candlelight she was reading by sent dancing shadows over the corners of the room, and I involuntarily shuddered as I remembered the Risen that had stalked me through the Hell House, back up north.

"What?" she asked without even looking up at me.

I quirked a brow, kicking the door closed with the back of my foot. If that's how she wanted to play it, then apparently I would be taking the direct approach.

"I need to ask you a question," I said, taking another step into the room. "I expect you to answer me honestly. No lies. No half-truths. No games. I want the truth."

Tharja glanced up now, blinking in surprise. Of course, I was using the same tone of voice I reserved for chewing out recruits; the 'calm' before the storm kind of voice.

"Did you even take the contraceptive herbs at all?" I asked point blank.

Tharja tried to hide her reaction to the question. If she had been talking to anyone else, she might have successfully hidden the small wince, the subtle flickering of her gaze as she focused anywhere but my face. She masked it well, her usual haughty mask back in place in less than a second, but I'd spent that much time around her that I'd caught it.

"I hardly see how that matters now," Tharja said sweetly. "We already have Noire."

"It matters," I explained as patiently as I could, "because you told me you had been taking them. You gave me your word."

Tharja sat up a little straighter.

"Yes, I was taking them," she said. "You don't trust me?"

"Then why did your cycle never stop?" I asked quietly.

This question, Tharja clearly wasn't ready for. She probably thought, like every other man in this world, I'd want nothing to do with something as feminine as a period. But I noticed. Of course I noticed. You learn that kind of shit about a woman when you live with her. It was unavoidable.

Her eyes widened a fraction, her breath hitching just a little, before she stood up and smiled. She smiled lovingly, and hollowly. I could see it now, that her eyes held possessiveness, not love. Possessiveness, and fear.

"Of course not," she said, sashaying a few small steps towards me. "The Plegian herbs are-"

"Where do they grow them?" I asked, interrupting her, trying to throw her off.

"I- wh-what?" she stammered, blinking rapidly.

"Where in Plegia would they possibly grow something as fragile as the herbs?" I pressed.

"I… I don't… ah… up north-" she tried.

"Don't lie to me," I hissed dangerously.

Tharja did flinch this time, her usual façade crumbling as she hunched up. She would never admit it, but the front she presented the world, the sexy, confident Dark Mage who gave no fucks, was a lot more fragile than she let on. Without her robe on the effect made her look a lot smaller.

"I… did not," she admitted, her voice a breathy whisper.

"Why not?" I asked. "Why, when you told me you had?"

"What was I supposed to do!?" she asked, her voice a hoarse croak. "You… you would not return my love! I needed something… something…"

Guilt crashed over me like a wave, making me realize the position I'd put her in. I quashed the feeling, though, with a far more comfortable emotion for me: anger.

"To make me stay?" I finished for her, my voice hard.

Tharja flinched again, the movement close enough to a nod for me.

"You lied to me," I went on.

"You didn't leave me a choice!" she argued. "I love you! But you-"

"You don't love me," I snapped. "You love the idea of me!"

"No!" Tharja shook her head desperately.

"You love the idea of having the big, important tactician and general on your arm, in your bed!" I said accusatorily. "And when you started to worry he would stray, you needed a leash."

"You're wrong! I love you!" Tharja insisted.

"Stop saying that!" I shouted. "Did you do anything else!? Did you curse me, or-"

"No! Never! I swear on my ancestors' bones that I didn't!" Tharja said, rushing forward now.

I stepped back, glaring down at her. All traces of the usual cocksure attitude and confidence were gone. Shaking, grasping desperately at the empty air, it made me realize just how young Tharja looked. Another wave of supreme guilt washed over me at the sight.

I'll freely admit that I'm not a strong man. Sure, I can build up my body, but I really don't have any stomach for confrontation. Not like this.

"Please…" Tharja whispered.

My eyes narrowed at the plea. This was the mother of my daughter, weather I liked it or not. I had put her in this situation, acting like a total idiot and thinking with my dick instead of my head. If Plegia was anything like the Middle Eastern cultures it so resembled, this was a death sentence for her if she ever returned home, and it was all my doing. I did have feelings for Tharja beyond lust, of course. I wouldn't have slept with her if I hadn't. But…

"This was a huge betrayal of my trust, Tharja," I said, my voice low.

"I… I know," she said, her voice shaking. "I… was afraid. Afraid that you would… would find another. Like that Pegasus Knight woman, or, or your Tactician…"

Cordelia and Robin. Not to say I'd never imagined what it would be like, being in a relationship with either of them. Robin, especially, lately.

"Tharja, I…" I started, pausing to blow a long breath out my nose, not knowing where I was going with it. "I can't keep going with things the way they are."

"So I can change!" Tharja said desperately. "I can be whatever you want me to be!"

"I don't want you to change!" I sighed angrily. "And you shouldn't have to!"

Tharja's smile was brittle as she took a few tentative steps towards me. When I didn't retreat she slowly placed her hand up on my shoulder, drawing closer. I remained rigid, my arms crossed tightly across my chest.

"Then I won't," she said.

"What do you even want out of this?" I asked tiredly.

"I want what every woman wants," Tharja admitted. "I want a husband, dedicated only to me and our children."

Our children.

I sucked in a breath.

There was the crux of the issue.

Noire.

I wasn't willing to risk cutting Tharja totally out of my life and lose Noire with her. And she had to know that. She also knew that I would never, in a million years, willing separate a child from their mother. She had a hostage, and she knew it.

No matter what I felt for Robin, or for anyone else, it was eclipsed by my feelings for Noire.

"I'm not saying I'll marry you," I said. "But for Noire… I'll… give things a shot with you."

The Plegian woman almost seemed to sag with relief for a moment before she chuckled, her usual mask back in place. I frowned as she smiled her delight up at me.

"Of course you will," Tharja almost preened. "For Noire. You already made me love you, after all."

As she spoke, she slowly circled me, running a hand along my arm and up my shoulder as she moved behind me, the side of her breast brushing up against my back as she moved. It was probably supposed to be seductive. It just put me even more on edge. My adrenaline-fueled sobriety was quickly wearing off, too, and I swayed a little as my body reminded me I was still very much drunk, too.

"For Noire," I echoed, running a hand down my face. "I want her to have a family."

"A family," Tharja practically giggled, pressing herself against my back. "Of course. And you know… if you back out, I'll kill you in your sleep."

She had worded it playfully, the tone of her voice joking. It was the 'confession line' from her S-rank support, in all it's glory. Usually, this would mean I'd made it, that I'd achieved marriage level. But…

I blinked, and with a flash I was back in that dark apartment…

Why don't you just die then!?

Cold, clammy hands gripping my throat…

I love you…

White hot rage exploding in my chest as the 'fight' side of the fight or flight reflex finally kicked in…

Kill yourself, see if I care!

I flinched, before stepping quickly away from her and spinning back to face her. It had to have been a trick of the light, but for an instant her hair was blonde, her wide eyes blue, her…

In my mind, I hit the panic button and initiated full meltdown mode as something inside me snapped.

"No!" I snarled. "Don't touch me! Never touch me again! Never again!"

"Ben, I was joking-" Tharja said, stepping forward.

I growled low in my throat, taking another step back. I was beginning to hyperventilate, the feeling of being trapped, confined in this room growing overwhelming. I looked around again, the once-comforting space now full of darkness and phantoms that would crawl out of the shadows and come for me.

Just like back in the Hell House.

Just like back in my old apartment.

"We're through," I growled. "I would have done it. I would have taken the bullet and been with you, for Noire if for no other reason, but not now. I promised myself never again."

"You're not making any sense!" Tharja pleaded.

"Fuck you, I don't care!" I thundered. "Get away from me!"

As I shouted, I took two big steps forward, and Tharja actually flinched away from me. I froze, clarity crashing down on me as the breath caught in my lungs. My eyes widened as I realized that I was looming over her, my fists clenched, and I practically leapt back across the room.

"Just… stay away from me," I said hoarsely.

And with that, I ran.

I bolted from the room, flying through the barracks, past Olivia looking at me with genuine concern in the lounge area, past Virion's curious expression as he reached the top of the stairs, past the closed doors to Lucina and Noire and Robin's rooms. I found myself in front of my office, throwing the door open and bursting into the room, before spinning and slamming the door closed.

I swayed as the room spun, reminding me once more of the intoxicants I'd taken that evening as I struggled not to throw up on the floor.

I took a moment to breathe, leaning forward and resting my forehead against the hard wood of the door, clenched fists at either side of my head. I growled, stepping back and shaking my head. I ran my hands down my face, which didn't help. So I did it again. And again. And when that didn't help my fingers twisted like claws, and I raked my nails down my face. I gasped at the pain, gritting my teeth as I spun in place, shoulders starting to shake. With a wordless, desperate shout I lashed out, my fist impacting the heavy wooden door. My muscles ached as everything tightened, my breath came in short gasps, my vision narrowed to almost twin specks of tunnel vision, and dimly I became aware that I was having a panic attack.

I slid down the door shaking, breath hitching as I desperately tried to fight back the sobs threatening to burst forth.

Again. It had happened again.

I'd let someone in. I'd actually cared. And it had bitten me in the ass.

Slowly, my head rose and my eyes widened, realization setting in.

It hadn't just been Tharja. Chrom and Sumia, too, had left me. My best friends, abandoning me over some silly little joke.

I gagged, hands clawing at my face again.

Noire, too. My own daughter. Noire had abandoned me, for what? For hurting her feelings a little?

Did no one in Ylisse have a sense of humor!?

I shook my head so hard I was worried I'd sprain my neck, forcing myself back to my feet. I stumbled across the room, leaning heavily on my desk, gasping for breath through clenched teeth. I was sweating now, my body going into overdrive trying to cool itself as everything amped up to eleven.

It was all my fault. Again, I'd ignored the signs. I'd let my dick do the thinking for me, and now I hadn't just ruined my life, I'd ruined Tharja's and Noire's, too.

I clutched at my throat, struggling to breathe.

I needed to get out of here. Get out of Ylisse, get away. I couldn't stay here.

If I knew nothing else, in that moment I knew that surely, if I stayed in Ylisstol, it would kill me.

With shaking hands, I grabbed for my quill and the stack of blank papers that I kept on my desk. It took a few tries to force my hand to work properly again, to wrap my fingers around the familiar form of my quill and dip it in the ink. Once I had, I began to write. I put very simple orders down, promising that more would come later.

At the bottom, I wrote the words 'I'm going to Baham to train the other two regiments myself.'

I nodded, carefully placing the paper back in the middle of my table where it would be easy to spot it.

It was the perfect plan. I could advance our schedule while still getting away from Ylisstol for a time, long enough for everyone to cool down. Myself included.

I began to laugh. It was a hysterical sound halfway between a cackle and a sob, and I had to clench my teeth again to stop myself. My face was still stretched wide in a rictus grin as I yanked my sword belt and daggers down from the hook I kept them on and fastened them around my waist. I grabbed the stash of coins out of the top drawer of my desk and jammed them into my pocket. I didn't bother with the coat. I stopped at the office door, trying to force myself to breathe, to take a deep breath so I could function on my way to the stables.

When I couldn't, I reached down and punched myself in the gut, just below my ribs. The blow forced my diaphragm to spasm, and after a breathless few moments I sucked in a deep lungful of breath. I felt some of the tension ease away as I took another three deep breaths, my face finally relaxing into a more familiar, safer scowl.

Without wasting any more time, I flung the door open and practically ran through the offices and common area, ignoring everyone else as I darted down the stairs. Maybe there had been someone, or multiple someones, in the common room. Maybe they had called out to me. I didn't even notice.

The lower floor of the barracks was practically abandoned at this time of night, mainly just Olivia's men still wandering around cleaning up after dinner or working on other odd jobs. Fortunately, I didn't pass any of them on my way to the stables.

I stepped into the cool night air, my exhausted and brutalized muscles protesting the step down from the barracks proper onto the packed dirt of the stable. I tore one of the saddles off the rack along the wall, lugging it over to the first horse in the row…

"Ben! What in the gods' names is going on!?"

I leapt a foot in the air, dropping the saddle and taking three quick steps back.

Lucina stepped out of the barracks after me, her eyes shining with concern as she slowed.

"What do you want!?" I snarled.

"Ben, what is happening?" she asked calmly. "Talk to me."

"I'm leaving," I said simply, bending down for the saddle I'd dropped. "Orders are on my desk."

"What do you mean you're leaving?" Lucina asked, coming forward.

Her hand reached out as she got closer to me, almost in slow motion. My eyes shot as wide as they would go and I literally jumped back to get away from her.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed.

I backed away until I hit the stall behind me, the horse within giving an irritated snort as I woke it up. My heart began to hammer in my chest again, my breath coming in shallow gasps as Lucina took an unsure step back.

"Ben, what is happening? What is wrong?" Lucina asked gently. "I have not seen you all day. Talk to me. Please."

"I n-n-n-need to gn-gn-get away," I stuttered. "I… I… I need to leave. Baham. I'm going to Baham."

"And this will help you?" Lucina asked. "With whatever is… happening now?"

I nodded quickly, the movement quick and jerking.

I hated that Lucina was seeing me like this, but at least she was alone.

I hated that this was still me, that I was still this weak.

The Princess nodded resolutely, bending down and hefting the saddle I'd dropped.

"Then you should probably not take Cha-Cha," Lucina said, indicating the horse I'd been heading to with a jerk of her head. "She is skittish at the best of times, and with you as you are now, she would be nigh uncontrollable. I would suggest you take Hazel instead."

I didn't say anything, following Lucina with jerky movements, keeping my distance. She led me down the rows of horses until we reached a stall near the end, one of the older horses I'd learned to ride on looking curiously out at the two humans making all the noise in the middle of the night. Lucina didn't hesitate, nudging the gate open and placing the saddle gently atop the beast. Even in the dark, Lucina made quick work of the straps, deft hands securing the saddle carefully in a matter of minutes before she stepped back and nodded. She looked up at me, giving the horse a comforting pat on the neck.

Through the whole scene I'd been leaning heavily against the side of the stall's gate, hunched over as the muscles in my core and back tightened again with the fresh wave of panic Lucina had brought. She approached me carefully, as if I were a horse liable to spook. Probably an apt comparison, actually.

"Alright, he's ready to go," Lucina said softly. "Are you sure you can ride like this?"

I nodded frantically, gritting my teeth in an ugly grimace again.

Lucina paused just out of arm's reach, and on instinct I threw up a hand. Not to ward her away, but to reach out for her, blindly groping as I looked down at the straw and dirt. Lucina caught my hand, her grip firm, the smooth, worn texture of the leather gloves she wore cool benath my feverish touch. I pulled myself up with her grip, almost crashing against her as my legs threatened to collapse underneath me. I hated her seeing me like this, but what choice did I have? I had to get away, and now I needed help because my legs just wouldn't work now.

"Easy," Lucina soothed. "Easy. It's okay."

"Gn… gn… gn… no… it's not," I managed to get out.

"It will be," Lucina said. "I don't know what's happened, but… if you say getting away, going to Baham, will help, then let me help."

I gasped, nodding as my legs threatened to give way again. Lucina practically dragged me over to the side of the waiting horse, the creature eying me warily. As we reached its side, I felt one leg, the muscles so tense they were starting to cramp, spasm aside, and I practically threw myself at Lucina to catch myself from falling. I gripped both of her shoulders, my fingers digging into the fabric of her tunic, my forehead hovering just off her right shoulder. I heard her wince, that little intake of breath, and it just added to my guilt.

"Sorry," I croaked. "I'm… I'm s-sorry…"

Lucina shifted, bringing her arms up and hesitating for a moment before wrapping me in a loose hug.

"It's alright," she told me. "I forgive you."

"I f-fucked up," I whispered.

"You will fix things," she told me, the confidence in her voice soothing. "Just as you always will. Just… just as you always did."

I shuddered, a spasm wracking my whole body.

"I'll fix this," I promised. "I'll… I'll fix everything. B-but… I need to get… get my head straight. I…"

"You need to get away," Lucina finished. "I know. Can you climb up into the saddle?"

"Can… you help me?" I asked through clenched teeth.

Lucina nodded, and with a little awkward pushing we managed to get me up into Hazel's saddle. The horse looked non-too-impressed about being pressed into service so late in the evening, but Lucina soothed him as she led him by the reigns out towards the exit.

"I'll make sure Su'ko shadows you from a distance," Lucina promised. "I don't want you to be alone right now."

I nodded mutely.

"Make sure you send a letter from Baham," she asked, her voice much more subdued. "I… want to make sure you're safe."

"Th…thank you, Lucina," I said, looking away.

"What are friends for?" she asked with a small smile.

We reached the door to the stable, and Lucina pushed it wide. Without looking back or hesitating, I dug my heels into Hazel's flanks, and we fled out into the night.

AN: Please proceed to the Epilogue chapter for the actual author's note. :D

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