Chapter 18: Why Can't We Be Friends?
The motorcycle's handlebars vibrated underneath Daryl's hands as he drove down the sunny tree-lined road. Fuel was in short supply and it had been nearly a month since Daryl had ridden. He didn't mind walking and sometimes even preferred the security of feeling the ground underneath his feet, but this time, Michonne and Aaron insisted he ride out to look for the others. They didn't want him to go at all but Daryl couldn't be stopped. They insisted he ride instead of walk.
Michonne held onto the back of the motorcycle instead of Daryl, mindful of his injuries. She felt the bike slow down, then watched Daryl pull it onto the shoulder. He climbed off the bike slowly and Michonne followed suit. He pushed the kickstand out with the toe of his boot and took his crossbow off the back of the bike.
"You ready for a walk?"
"How do you know this is the way they went?" Michonne asked.
"Cause I know Carol."
"I need a little more than that to go on."
"After all these years you don't trust me?" Daryl asked.
"I trust you implicitly." Michonne cocked her head and gave him a questioning smile. "After all these years you don't know that I want every possible detail in any given situation?"
"Fair enough," Daryl mumbled. "I know Carol didn't cross into their territory east of here because she'd have to go though the swamps. She hates the swamps."
"Everyone hates the swamps."
"Carol hates 'em more. Ever since Zeke lost his horse in them swamps. She'd walk ten miles out of her way to avoid 'em."
"Okay well why wouldn't she have crossed through a couple miles back? Why would she come this far west?"
Daryl sighed. ""Carol's smart. She's patient. She ain't marchin' right up to their camp. She wants to watch 'em first – get a picture of their routine, figure out who's where before she makes any moves. It'll give her the upper hand."
"And?"
"You know what's less than two miles into these woods?" Daryl asked as he pointed. "Cliffs overlooking their entire camp. She'll have a good vantage point from there. Also, if we was to attack, they'd be expectin' it from further east...closer to our communities. They probably ain't watchin' the cliffs from the west nearly as good. She can find out exactly where Connie is from up there. Laura said nine guns were missing. I guarantee you one of 'em is a rifle with a scope?" Michonne nodded. "Maybe she'll take a few of 'em out. Maybe she'll even send Lydia down to draw Alpha out into the open so she can take a shot at her."
"You think Carol would use Lydia like that?"
Daryl grimaced as he shook his head. He knew every angle Carol had, good and bad. "Yeah, I do. She'll use Lydia – she'll sure as hell use Negan. She'll do whatever it takes."
Michonne finally nodded as she drew her sword from behind. "Alright then, let's start walkin'."
…..
Carol walked through the dense cover of the wood with Negan at her side and Henry and Lydia 20 or so feet in front of them. The teens walked hand as they talked in a hush to each other.
They had ridden bikes for several miles but as soon as they needed to travel through the thick wood, they set out on foot. It had been a quiet and uneventful journey but as soon as they arrived at the top of a small hill, half a dozen corpses shuffled around in a small valley below.
The foursome stopped and eyed the walkers. "Henry, Lydia, can you handle those two?" Carol asked motioning to her left.
"Got it," Henry replied as he and Lydia moved confidently towards two of the dead.
Negan had remained completely unarmed during the whole trip and now Carol handed him a small clip-point knife. "Take it and help me take these walkers down."
"How generous of you, Your Majesty," Negan said with a grin as he took the knife from Carol's hand. He wasted no time charging down the hill and straight for the walkers. Without hesitation, he slid the knife into the head of one rotting corpse before spinning around and repeating the action on another. Carol walked carefully down the hill and exterminated a walker once she reached the bottom. When she finished, she watched Negan walk up to the last walker. He happily whistled as he ran the blade into its temple.
When the four reconvened, Carol looked over at Negan and immediately extended her hand out to him. "I'll take the knife back."
"Wouldn't you feel safer if I kept it?" Negan asked.
"If I did I'd let you keep it but I don't so hand it over."
Negan grabbed a few thick leaves and cleaned the blood and gore off the blade. He smiled as he handed it back to Carol. "Whatever it takes to earn your trust, I'm your guy." Carol took the knife and the four walked up the other side of the hill. It wasn't long before Henry and Lydia were walking hand in hand again.
Negan stared ahead at them with a wide grin. "Aww to be young and in love again. There ain't no other better feeling than a first love. This is his first, right?"
Carol didn't want to engage Negan in conversation not pertaining to the mission. But after walking for nearly three hours, she was sick of being inside her own head and decided a little conversation would be harmless.
"Yeah, it's his first. At least as far as I know."
"And he's your boy?"
"Yes, he's my boy."
"Is he your only kid?" Negan asked.
Carol hesitated again before answering. They just started talking and already he was asking her questions she didn't want to answer. "Yes. Ezekiel and I just have Henry."
"Well he looks like a fine young man. A little wet behind the ears but strong enough to put up a fight. Let's just hope he doesn't trip over his nutsack tryin' to prove himself to his new girlfriend."
"He'll be fine," Carol said stoutly.
"And what about me?"
"What about you?"
"Will I be fine? Am I gonna come out of this thing alive too or are you gonna throw me under the skin covered bus if we get in a tight spot?"
"I told you if you helped me I'd do right by you. You'll just have to trust me."
"Well if I don't make it back, I'm gonna be real disappointed. I ain't never gonna finish my book and find out if Jack Ryan stops the bomb at the Super Bowl. My garden will surely go to hell. And on top of that, you got me to come out here without even considering given' me a quick shag. This little trip of ours will be a total bust if I don't make it out alive."
"You'll be fine. When we get there I'll give you the knife back...maybe even a gun. Once I know you'll be using your weapon on them and not me, I'll arm you. You'll protect yourself or you won't."
"Alright, alright. I guess if you were gonna do somethin' to me, you would have done it by now."
Carol looked over at Negan with an icy stare. "If I were going to do something to you, I would have done it seven years ago."
They continued to walk in the quiet for a few minutes before Negan grew impatient with the lull and started the conversation again."I just gotta say something for the record."
"What?" Carol answered curtly.
"Well I don't want to be the sleazy jerk at the bar who can't take no for an answer – nobody wants to be that guy - but I just want to make sure you know that the shag is a standing offer."
As much as Carol was trying to keep her hard-nosed composure, she snorted then laughed openly. "Not interested," she replied to Negan, with both a serious look and a carefree smile.
"Well my momma always told me it never hurts to ask."
"It's hard to picture you with a mother," Carol said continuing to smile.
"Well I did."
"Okay, you had a mother...did you have kids?"
"Nah. My wife and I always wanted to but I suppose time got away from us. Then she died and that pretty much settled that."
"I'm sorry," Carol replied sincerely.
"I don't think we would have ever actually bit the bullet and had a pup. My wife always accused me of bein' too much of a kid myself. She was probably right about that." Negan stared ahead at Henry then turned to Carol again. "So you were married before the end too...to someone besides the king, right?"
"Why do you say that?"
"Well now I've seen King Ezekiel," Negan replied smiling. "He's about five shades darker than young whitey up there. I can only assume you had Henry before all this...I assume it was with your first husband."
Carol debated with herself how much she wanted to share with this man. She'd spent so much of her life lying, faking, pretending she was someone she wasn't. But there was something about Negan that saw through her fabricated walls. It drew her in. She could tell him she didn't want to talk about it but she didn't want to lie to him.
"Yeah I was married before."
"And?" Negan asked.
"He died in the beginning like your wife and a billion other people," she replied coldly.
"Doesn't sound like there was much love lost there."
"There wasn't."
"Well hot damn, the plot thickens!" Negan said clapping his hand to his thigh. "What'd he do? Did the son of a bitch cheat on you? All men are cheaters, you know."
"Ed didn't cheat."
"Sure, okay. Well what did he do then?"
"He beat me," Carol replied nonchalantly as she looked Negan in the eyes.
"Bullshit...no way!" Negan replied with genuine shock. "How did that happen to a cold-blooded killer like you?"
"I was a different person before. Wasn't everyone? This world does things to you. If you survive, it will change you. It was no different for me."
"Well what the hell happened to you to turn you from an abused housewife to the warrior you are now?"
Carol stared ahead as Negan's words echoed in her head. What the hell had happened to her? Her mind played back the highlight reel of the last ten years. A heavy sigh spilled from her mouth as she contemplated all that had transpired over the last decade. All she had done to stay alive and protect those around her. All she hadn't done in the beginning to protect Sophia and others.
"Look, I don't want to talk about any of this anymore."
"Sure I understand."
Once again, they walked in silence for several minutes when Negan looked over at Carol. "I'm gonna step over to those bushes right there for a minute so I can drain the ol' snake, sound good Your Majesty?"
"Just hurry up."
Negan stood by a row of bushes and whistled happily as he relieved himself.
"Quit making all that noise," Carol barked towards him. Negan zipped up his pants with one last chirpy whistle and quickly returned to her side. Carol looked over at him with annoyance. "Are you ever quiet?"
"Only when I'm sleepin' alone, Darlin'."
"If you keep making all that noise, you're going to draw attention from someone – dead or alive."
"I'd prefer a straight on fight," Negan replied arrogantly.
"Haven't you ever heard of the element of surprise?"
Negan chuckled. "Yeah, I've heard of it. It's for cowards that aren't confident in their abilities."
Carol looked over at him as she shook her head. "You're so full of shit."
"Look, I just don't like sneakin' around. Waltzing right up to the front door and letting people know exactly what I want, that's more my style."
"Maybe that's why my people beat you a few years back," Carol retorted in a snarky voice.
"Your people beat me because I had traitors on my team."
"Hmm I can't imagine why."
"Look, all I'm sayin' is that if you ain't a fraidy cat prick, then you charge in through the front, not weasle around through the back. This sneakin' around shit's got me feelin' like..." Negan clicked his tongue and looked off coyly.
"Like what?" Carol asked.
Negan drew his head back and smiled. "Nothin', it ain't important."
"That never stopped you from talking before."
Negan chuckled quietly as he cocked his head. "Fair play."
"I thought you loved the sound of your own voice," Carol said, continuing to egg him on.
"It's sounding more and more like you're the one who likes the sound of my voice. Maybe I'm starting to grow on you."
"Don't flatter yourself," Carol snapped back. "Just a few minutes ago you were asking me all sorts of things about myself but you clam right up when I ask you."
"You didn't have to tell me anything you didn't choose to tell me."
"That's not exactly true," Carol argued. "You made it perfectly clear to me last night, that if I didn't tell you what you wanted, you weren't going to help me."
"Still a choice."
"Fine don't tell me. I don't care." Carol slowed her pace. She didn't want to walk or talk with Negan any longer. His cocky demeanor and phony charm mentally exhausted her. She let him move ahead so she could still keep a close eye on him without being near him. She regretted trying to have normal conversations with him. His charm and outgoing personality made her forget who she was dealing with: a narcissistic and demented killer.
Negan slowed down his pace too, waiting for her to catch up. "Hey I'm sorry."
Carol rolled her eyes in exasperation. "For what?"
"For not showing you the same courtesy and trust that you've shown me."
"I told you not to flatter yourself. We're not friends. You don't owe me an explanation and you certainly don't owe me your life story. You're out here to help me. That's it."
"I cheated on her," Negan blurted out. "I cheated on my wife. And sneakin' around quietly like we are now, it just reminded me of that. Reminded me of all my sneakin' around. Reminded me of the fact that I cheated on my wife."
Carol scoffed. "What a surprise. A killer that also cheated on his wife."
"She didn't deserve it. I loved her."
"Yeah sure you did," Carol said looking at him with contempt. "You loved her so much that you cheated on her. Men are so full of bullshit excuses. At least Ed didn't make excuses for his bad behavior. He was a vicious asshole but he never pretended to be anything different."
"Oh I won't deny that I'm an asshole. I am," Negan confessed. "My wife, she was beautiful. Pretty blonde hair, long tan legs and a real sweetheart too."
"How lucky for her that she found a prince like you," Carol said dryly.
"No I was the lucky one," Negan replied sincerely, not picking up on Carol's sarcasm. "God I loved her."
"Well then why the hell did you cheat on her?"
Negan stared at the ground as his pace slowed. "She didn't die like everyone else. She got sick – cancer. She got cancer and she lost her pretty blonde hair and she lost a bunch of weight and could barely make it to the toilet. I told myself that even if she could make love with me, she wouldn't want to. I told myself that if she never found out, then it would never hurt her. I told myself that if she ever did find out, she'd understand that I had needs."
"Well did she?"
"Did she find out? No. She never did."
"How nice for you. You got away with it," Carol replied in a bitter saccharin tone. "You cheated on your sick wife and she never found out. Who says you can't have your cake and eat it too?"
"No," Negan replied succinctly.
"No what?" Carol snapped back.
"It was my biggest regret. Cheating on her was bad enough but hiding it from her...sneaking around..." Negan shook his head. "She did think I was a prince. She thought I was devoted and she'd thank me all the time for the sacrifices I made. She was so in love with me and so grateful for me and I..."
"You had her fooled. You had the wool completely pulled over her eyes, didn't you?"
"I did," Negan replied shaking his head as he choked back his emotions. "I loved being there for her and taking care of her. It was an honor because she deserved it. I cheated on her and I knew if she found out it would break her heart so I hid it. I was a coward. I was ashamed of cheating but I was even more ashamed of all the lying and sneaking around. It was my biggest regret."
Carol stopped in her tracks and turned to Negan angrily. "You feel worse about stepping out on your sick wife than you do about killing my friends? You regret sneaking around on her more than bashing their heads in?"
"I knew my wife. I loved her. I didn't know your friends. Sorry to say but they didn't mean any more to me than the walkers did."
Carol stared at Negan with horror and disgust. She felt sick to her stomach as she looked at his face. She peered into what looked like empty eyes before she drew her hand back and slapped him as hard as she could. Negan looked back at her with surprise as he placed his hand on his cheek.
Carol pulled her gun out of her holster and pointed it squarely at Negan's chest. "Why did I bring you out here?"
Negan raised his hands in surrender. "You brought me out here because you knew I could help you. I will help you."
"You can't help me. You can't help anyone, not even yourself. You're nothing but a pathetic worm. You're a coward...you said it yourself. You're a cheater and a killer and you make me sick. Shame on me for thinking there was even an ounce of decency left in you. I should just kill you right here and now. No one would mourn you. No one would even miss you. I would be doing everyone a favor if I just ended your miserable life."
Negan continued to hold his hands up as he leaned in towards her. "I mean, I thought we were gettin' to be friends but if that's what you gotta do, then I ain't gonna stop you."
Carol watched as Henry and Lydia hurried back to her side. "Mom, what are you doing?" Henry asked.
"I'm going to kill him. We can't trust him. "
""No we need him," Lydia stated. "My mom has a lot of people – people willing to die for her. We need him to fight."
"We don't need him," Carol replied. "He doesn't care about us. He's just going to do what's best for him."
Negan looked Carol in the eyes and shook his head slowly. "I said I would help you and I meant it. I also said that I'm a straight shooter. I ain't gonna tell you one thing and do another. You told me to trust you," Negan replied, earnestly defending himself. "Well you gotta trust me too, Carol."
Carol watched Negan carefully. The sincerity in his voice and in his eyes were compelling. She wanted to trust him...she needed to trust him. As strong as she was, she knew that they stood a much better chance of getting Connie back and taking down The Whisperers if they had him as an ally. But she kept her gun pointed at him, still feeling conflicted.
The tense moment was interrupted by a the slightest sound of a cracking twig. Everyone's eyes immediately shot towards the noise. The foursome watched as Daryl and Michonne emerged from a cluster of trees.
"Get out of the way," Daryl ordered Carol and the teens.
Carol kept her gun raised towards Negan as Daryl crept towards them.
"Carol," Daryl barked. "Get away from him. Now!"
Carol lowered her gun and moved her body to the right, standing slightly in front of a completely silent Negan. His eyes darted back and forth between Carol and Daryl like a helpless kid watching his parents fighting. "Daryl, put your crossbow down," Carol instructed her friend.
"What the hell you talkin' about?" he asked.
"Lower your crossbow now, Daryl," she said again.
"Nuh uh. I'm gonna kill this son of a bitch. Now move outta the way."
Carol moved her body even closer in front of Negan's, resolved in her position. "You are not killing him."
"Why the hell not? He busted outta his cell. He's a killer and now he's out here alone with you. Do I even gotta remind you who he is and what he's done?"
"Right now it doesn't matter what he's done. Right now he's out here helping me. And I was the one who busted him out and brought him out here."
"I don't care," Daryl replied coldly.
"You want to find Connie don't you?" Carol argued. "You think killing him is going to help you do that? I brought him out here to help me. He's strong. He's a fighter. He'll help us get her back."
"I'll get Connie back. I don't need his help."
"Daryl, we'll get further with him. I trust him."
Michonne finally moved in to address the situation. "Carol, when we walked up to you, you had your gun pointed at Negan. Why?" Carol shook her head. "If we can trust him, then tell us why you had your gun pointed at him."
"Because I...because," Carol shook her head. She looked over at Negan then back at her friends. "Because I was thinking about the past. We were talking about it and all the dirt just got stirred up again and I got angry. But since he came out here with me, he's proven himself to me. He's helped me and been honest with me and he's trusted me. And you can't kill him. You can't because I made him a promise that if he helped me then I'd help him. He's held up his end and I'm going to hold up mine. Okay?"
Daryl finally lowered his crossbow and walked closer to Carol. "I ain't never gonna trust him, got that?" he stated as he stared daggers at Negan. He looked back at Carol. "But if you say it's the right thing to do, I'll trust you."
A/N: Can I just say that Negan is my new favorite person to write? He has so many crazy shades to work with and I adore him with Carol. The two of them are fun together but then also really intense. I hope maybe we can see them share some scenes on the show. Tell me if you agree. Okay then. Love to you all and God bless, friends!