Goldenflower 3: The Last Return

Chapter Sixteen

"We spoke often of Narnia in the days that followed. When my cousins and great cousin left, after the war ended, I missed them with all my heart, as I know all Narnians will miss them till the end of time." - Eustace Clarence Scrubb (The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader)

A troubled and weighed-down King Caspian walked through the majestic halls of Cair Paravel with a clear destination in mind. In his hand there was a letter, which was the cause of him feeling weighed down. It was not the letter itself that troubled him so. Well, it could be, depending on what the letter said, but the young king did not think things could possibly get any worse than they already were. The original cause of Caspian's trouble was the announcement from his fiancé, Lilliandil, that his squire and soon to be knight, and younger brother-figure, Tristane, still was not eating very much.

He was very well aware of the cause: Cornelia had left Narnia with her cousins, and they were not coming back this time. Caspian knew perfectly well how much emotional pain the boy was in, as Caspian had experienced it himself the second time Cornelia, Edmund and Lucy had left Narnia: Queen Susan the Gentle, Edmund and Lucy's sister, had captured his heart, but she too left forever before they had the chance to figure out what could become of them.

Caspian loathed seeing Tristane like this, but he loved Cornelia equally so, and knew and understood why she chose to leave; the hope of her brother Andrew returning home in their own world was still very great in spectra in Cornelia's heart.

He missed all of the Pevensies and Eustace, who were all the closest thing Caspian had to family for a very long time. They were still his family, and they would be forever.

Imagine Caspian's surprise when he had opened his desk drawer, once he had returned to the Dawn Treader after having said goodbye to them all and found that there was not only one but two letters laying there. Caspian could not help but smile. Cornelia was sneaky when she wanted to be. The letter in his hand was addressed to Tristane; a letter he had promised to hand Tristane from Cornelia once she was gone. Caspian hoped it would do some good, but he also feared the letter could cause Tristane to sink deeper into his grief, but he was worried. Everyone around Tristane were worried. The boy rarely ate or left his room, and when he did, he looked like he had not slept for a few days at a time.

Now, Caspian had hesitantly decided to confront Tristane with the fact that Cornelia was not coming back, and to talk things through with him. There was not one mean bone in Cornelia's body, and she had the kindest soul. She never intended to hurt Tristane, but she was not very fond of goodbyes, especially not with her past in both her own world and also with her past in Narnia. That, and Caspian spoke the truth when he had told Tristane he had to stay on the Dawn Treader because there was not more space for another person in the boat they had been in.

Caspian's steps slowed in pace as he could see the door to Tristane's private quarters. He second-guessed his decision probably for the fiftieth time that day, but he forced himself to put his hesitation aside, and close the distance between himself and the door to Tristane's room. With a sigh, he lifted his closed fist and gave the door three steady raps. Then he waited for a response.

Caspian could clearly hear that there was someone in the room behind the door, but no response came. The young king sighed and knocked on the door softly again, "Tris, it's Caspian. Can I come in?"

When Tristane failed to respond once again, Caspian frowned and sounded more demanding, "Tristane."

"All right," was the immediate, exasperated response. "The door is open."

Before Tristane had a chance to change his mind, Caspian swiftly opened the door, entered the room and closed the door behind him again. He turned to find Tristane sitting on his bed, his legs crossed beneath him. Tristane's eyes were blood-shot, there were bags under his eyes and nearly dried tearstains were still visible on the boy's cheeks. Caspian tried to catch his brother figure's eyes from where he was standing, but Tristane was doing a good job at avoiding Caspian's gaze purposefully. With a determined stride, Caspian approached Tristane's bed and sat down on the edge of it.

"A lot of people are worried about you." Caspian said as gently as he could without sounding accusing in any way.

Tristane grimaced, "I know."

Caspian's mouth had opened with the intention to get Tristane to talk to him, but Tristane surprisingly continued, clearly exasperated, "It's just…it just hurts so much, Caspian. I can't explain it - it's like…"

"Like your heart has been ripped out of your chest, stumped upon, and then pressed into your chest again." Caspian said, sending Tristane a small, comforting smile and continued, "Your thoughts are all over the place, and you're cursing each and every person you know, and at the same time you isolate yourself from those you care about because you can't stand them watching you fall apart. Because you don't want them hurting alongside you."

Tristane had watched Caspian the entire exchange, looking more dumbfounded with each word Caspian spoke - that is, until he remembered what had happened three years ago.

"Susan." Tristane breathed.

Caspian merely nodded.

"But…" Tristane hesitated, looking guiltily at Caspian, his king, for even bringing it up. "You have Liliandil now."

Caspian chuckled, reaching over to settle a hand on Tristane's shoulder, causing Tristane to look Caspian in the eye. The king looked at him with a soft, empathetic look. "You never forget your first love. Never."

"So, whatever it is that you're feeling," Caspian continued. "I'm not going to lie, it's going to stay with you for a while, but it also gets better. I promise you. One day you'll feel the same way for someone else as you did for Cornelia. It just takes time. For now, all you must do is to talk to someone about how you feel. You can always come to me. I hope you know that."

For the first time in a while, Caspian watched Tristane smile. "I know."

Caspian thought that this was now or never for him to deliver that letter and keep his promise to Cornelia.

"With that in mind, I want to keep a promise I made to a very special girl for the both of us." Caspian then spoke and brought the envelope into Tristane's line of sight.

The younger boy frowned, "What's this?"

Caspian handed Tristane the envelope and watched softly as Tristane subtly recognized the handwriting at the front of the envelope. "Cornelia wanted me to give this to you after she left."

For a moment, Caspian thought he had just lost all process he had made with Tristane, but the young boy's strength surprised him when he, with a single tear rolling down his face, looked up at Caspian and questioned, "Will it help?"

Caspian smiled compassionately at the boy. "Only time will tell."

He then made preparations to leave Tristane alone with the contents of the envelope, but Tristane's voice stopped his movements right as Caspian had gotten up from the bed. "Please stay."

Caspian turned and looked questioningly at Tristane, wanting to make sure that the young boy was sure.

Tristane laughed humorlessly, "You're one of the only persons I could bear to see me like this. Please."

Caspian blinked before a smile graced his facial features, warmth filling him entirely at the compliment.

"All right then." Caspian replied with a smile and sat down in the exact same wrinkled spot on Tristane's bed where he had previously sat.

Caspian watched Tristane open the envelope with trembling hands. He also watched the young boy go through the entire register of emotions, and Caspian was right there with him, which he thought was what Cornelia would have initially wanted.

Dear Tristane,

I swear to you that this is not a 'Dear John'-letter - a 'Dear John'-letter is...you know what, never mind. It is not very relevant when I have assured you that it is not the case, is it?

When you are reading this, I will have left Narnia, presumably forever. I can more than understand if you are going to tear this letter apart or burn it in the nearest fireplace. I understand if you hate me with all your being. I cannot say that I do not deserve it.

But the least I can do here is to give you an explanation.

I am going to start like this: Narnia has taught me a great many things, and one of those things is that hope and love are eternal. Period.

The hope for my brother's homecoming has wavered, I will not lie about that, but it has never disappeared completely. I would never forgive myself if I never find out, and that is one of the reasons why I choose to go home with my cousins. I have to know, whether or not my heart is going to be crushed.

Know that I hate to choose between you and Andrew. Because there is no comparison. My love for you is unwavering; you have made me feel special and loved beyond words, you have made me feel at peace, something I have never completely felt since my cousins' reign with my late fiancée at the time. But Andrew is my brother, and he has always been there for me, put me first when he did not have to. Now, it is time for me to return the favor. I just have to.

And the truth is, I have just never been good at saying goodbye, because goodbye means forever, and I really hope that it is not the case. Narnia and the people in it will always be my second home - a home I hope I will see again one day.

I have one demand to make after you have read this. I want you to be happy, which means I want you to move on and find a girl, who in turn will be the luckiest girl in the world. I know it sounds harsh right now, but I really need you to promise me this.

I love you now and forever, wherever I am.

Narnia and Aslan work in mysterious ways. Maybe one day we will see each other again.

Yours, Cornelia.

As Caspian sat in the chair by his desk late that night while Liliandil was asleep in their bed, he thought back at the day's events. Tristane had finally opened up (to him at least), which was a start. Caspian had given Tristane a tight embrace after the young boy had finished reading Cornelia's letter. There had been shed a lot of tears on Tristane's behalf, but Caspian could see that he felt considerably better after having read the letter, which Caspian guessed had functioned as some sort of closure. It had been a very positive sign when Tristane timidly had joined him and Liliandil for dinner the same night. It had eased the king's and his bride-to-be's minds considerably.

Caspian was staring at the envelope situated on his desk in front of him. He recognized Cornelia's neat handwriting. He had not dared to open the letter yet, although it had been weeks since the Pevensies and Eustace had left Narnia, Reepicheep as well. The young king was rather curious about what the letter contained, but he was also strangely nervous about opening it. He did not really know the reason why, but he sighed as his hesitation slowly was getting the best of him.

Getting himself together, Caspian took a light hold of the envelope, opened it and took out the letter. He placed the envelope itself on his desk again, before he turned his attention to the letter itself:

Dear Caspian,

When I returned to Narnia for the second time, you were among the first friendly faces I met. Not only that, you also turned out to be the new monarch I was supposed to guide. Not that you really needed much help, did you?

The first thing that truthfully pops up into my mind right now is to say 'thank you', and then I guess we will go from there. You never put me up on a pedestal from day one, yet you always made me feel appreciated and cared for. You are one of my dearest friends and another brother-figure that I really would not be without. There is no one who can replace my brother, but I guess that you are him in this world. When I think about it, you are actually very much alike. I think you would have gotten along great if he had been here with me and my cousins. Well, maybe not at first because he obviously would have taken Peter's side, but he would have come around, just like Peter did.

I have always been able to count on you in every situation, no matter what. And I am incredibly proud of the leader and the man you have become. You have had it in you all along; all it took was for you to believe in yourself as well.

I am going to miss you terribly, but I know that you will be happy and one day (maybe sooner rather than later) you will find your queen. I really hope we will meet again one day - Aslan works in mysterious ways.

I love you Cas - take care of everyone for us. We all believe in you.

Yours, Cornelia.

At the end of it all, Caspian's vision was blurred with tears that was threatening to fall. The young girl really had a way with words, and it all struck Caspian in his core in a good way. He always felt that he and Cornelia had had a special connection, but to have it confirmed by the other part just really warmed his heart. The young girl had taught him a lot; she was an old and wise soul trapped in a young girl's body. Cornelia was definitely an example of the part where looks can be deceiving. Caspian was already missing the blonde and all of her cousins terribly, but he soothed himself with that they had each other and seemed to be happy back in their world. The least he could do for them was to be happy in his own world and keep their second home safe for them.

Caspian smiled softly as he gently placed the letter back in the envelope. Then he held it close to his chest before he placed the letter in one of his drawers in his desk. The young king next left his chair and the comfort and warmth of his bedroom, and walked out onto the balcony. He glanced around at his kingdom as far as his eyes could see. There were lanterns lit here and there, but the houses in the village mostly were situated in darkness. Next, he looked up at the stars, recognizing some of the constellations from his many late nights with Professor Cornelius when he was younger.

Another content smile graced Caspian's lips as he swore he heard a lion's roar being carried by the wind, disappearing as quickly as it had appeared.

"Bring him home." Caspian spoke softly as he was still watching the stars.

Aslan was not a tame lion; he did indeed work in mysterious ways.

July 1945 - Finchley - London, England

"Mum, would you please stop fussing so much? Everything looks wonderful." Cornelia pleaded her mother as the older woman nearly was running around the house, making the last preparations for the family dinner they would be hosting to celebrate the reunion of the Pevensies and their children, combined with celebrating the war's end two months ago in Europe. The Allied forces had won, yet in many areas, under the surface, it did not seem like much of a victory after all - so many lives lost on all sides and so many cities across the world left in ruin.

"Dad, would you please?" Cornelia turned to her father for help; at first, Cornelia's father looked slightly puzzled at his daughter, but when he saw his wife whisk past them in an impressive speed, he connected the dots.

"Darling, I think you should listen to-."

"Oh, would you two stop ganging up on me like that?" Cornelia's mother snapped good-naturedly as she appeared from the dining room. "Of course, I am making a fuss of it all since this is the first time we have all seen each other since the war started."

Cornelia's father sent his wife a charming smile all the while helping her out of her apron. "I believe our daughter just told you that there is no need to make a fuss because everything looks absolutely splendid, darling."

"And?" Cornelia's mother inquired. Cornelia awaited her father's response in anticipation. Her father sent her a wink, before taking a gentle hold of his wife's shoulders, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple, "I agree."

Cornelia smiled softly at her parents' affectious looks at each other. Cornelia's mother tutted before she with a soft smile pulled her husband and daughter close. "Oh, what am I going to do without you two?"

"Something tells me you would run around like the Tasmanian devil all the time." Her father joked, his wife pinching his cheek while letting out a sigh.

Cornelia smiled affectionately at her parents and gave them both a light squeeze. "You would do just fine, Mum." She chirped.

Then, their moment of bliss was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. And Clarissa Pevensie went into a frenzy once again. "Oh, lord. Is that the time? David, quickly the door."

Cornelia's mother sent her husband a look, clearly telling him to get a move on; a silent order which he immediately obliged to. Clarissa then took one look at Cornelia and tugged at the apron her daughter had been wearing, "Cornelia, your apron, dear. Oh, and be a darling and go out and help your father."

With a twinkle of amusement in her eyes, Cornelia took off her apron and handed it over to her mother. "Dad is right, Mum."

Clarissa tutted dismissively, sending her daughter the same look she had sent her husband. "Today, Cornelia if you'd please."

Cornelia laughed merrily at her mother's exasperated remark as she went to join her father greet their guests at the front door.

Soon, they were all gathered around the Sprout's dinner table. Well, not all of them as Cornelia had wished. There had not been any news about Andrew at all. Cornelia glanced at Aunt Helen and next at Uncle Edward, who had returned home safely from the war in Europe a couple weeks after the war ended. Uncle Edward and her dad were twins, with David being the oldest by five minutes, so when the two brothers sat across from each other as they did now, you could almost think a mirror had been placed in the middle of the table; they looked that much alike.

Then she looked to her own parents, who were still looking pretty young as they both sat there and laughed at something Uncle Edward had said. But underneath the smiles she could see that they were worn and had aged during the five years Britain had been at war. Andrew's enlistment and then disappearance had taken a big toll on the both of them, and it showed.

Before Cornelia could delve deeper down into her melancholy, she looked at Peter right across from her. He was twenty years old now and well on with his medicine studies at Professor Kirke's mansion, but had returned home for the summer sometime in June. He was very handsome, but as far as she knew, there had not been a special girl that had caught his eye yet. As he sat there at the end of the table, Cornelia could not help but think that his Narnian title as High King could not be more fitting as he looked truly magnificent and majestic sitting there, a charming charisma glowing from him. Suddenly, he looked up and caught Cornelia's gaze. The two blondes looked at each other before a subtle smile was passed on between them. The respect and adoration both held in their gazes towards each other were something that had always been there, but only after all this time had they truly learned to see it within each other.

Once Cornelia had helped her mother and Aunt Helen bring in the next dish, the teen's gaze fell upon Edmund on Peter's right. Pride swelled in Cornelia's chest as she thought of everything Ed had endured, and how strong and a better person he had become from it. Although they still bickered and despite they still would drive each other insane, they were the closest that they had ever been. Edmund would be eighteen next year and would probably soon thereafter move out of his parents' house and find his own place preferably somewhere in London. He wanted (ironic or not) to study law once he was old enough. Cornelia was going to miss not having him around much anymore.

Susan's melodious laughter then caught Cornelia's attention across from her. At nineteen, Susan was a true beauty. With perfect pale skin with the contrasting dark brown hair and bright red lipstick on her lips, she looked like Snow White. Susan was still one of the gentlest souls she knew and Cornelia adored her and looked up to her like no other, but the teen had noticed that the older girl slowly had begun to have an indifferent look in her eyes whenever Narnia was mentioned, even when Caspian's name was mentioned. It unsettled Cornelia a little deep down, but then she thought nothing more of it other than perhaps it was still painful for Susan to have left Caspian and Narnia behind.

Then, Cornelia felt a nudge in her side. She looked to her right to see Lucy look at her with a mischievous grin on her face. Lucy had, since she was born, been the little beacon of light in the family. She had such a kind soul and always saw the best in all people, and she was indeed the most valiant person Cornelia knew. And Lucy had always been hers to protect. She was the younger of the two of them, and that meant in a big stretch that she was Cornelia's responsibility. The two of them had always been close, not only because they were so close in age, but also because their personalities were very much alike, of course with a few differences here and there. Having seen Lucy grow up the way she had in the past few years, Cornelia couldn't be prouder.

Undetected, Cornelia sent Lucy a soft smile as she nudged her back.

When everyone had finished eating, the Pevensies slowly stood up and made their way down the hall and into the living room to small talk while enjoying a cup of tea and some biscuits.

Cornelia had just conquered the comfy armchair when her mother heaved a defeated sigh, her body slumping together, making her look older than she really was as she muttered, "Oh dear, the sugar."

Cornelia was out of the armchair before anybody else could react. Her mother had been working hard all day to make this otherwise peaceful dinner with their family a success, so she thought that it was time for her to step up.

"I can get that, Mum." Cornelia chirped, barely letting her mother react before she had gently taken ahold of the older woman's arm, gently leading her towards the armchair. "Why don't you sit down and tell Aunt Helen all about that dress you saw in that shopping window the other day?"

The teen didn't let her mother get a chance to reply before she was out of the living room. In turn, Cornelia didn't see the proud look her mother and father shared between them as they watched her retreating back.

Cornelia had just about entered the kitchen and had begun her search for the sugar when the doorbell rang. The living room was closer to the front door than the kitchen, so she guessed that somebody would answer it. She could hear subtle footsteps in the hall, and she heard the door open.

In the meantime, she had found the sugar and was pouring it into one of her mother's small and fancy silver bowls, when she froze as she next heard some commotion come from the hall. She could hear excited voices, but she was too far away to hear. However, she thought none of it when the voices died down, the front door closed, and several pairs of footsteps entered what Cornelia guessed was the living room once again. Swiftly, she put the remainder of the sugar back where she had found it and, with the grace of a lady that would have made her mother proud, picked up the bowl of sugar and walked into the hall and towards the living room again.

Later, Cornelia would wonder why she hadn't reacted or looked up at the silence in the living room as she returned. Absentmindedly, she placed the bowl with sugar right next to the teapot and empty cups on the table, with her back turned towards her family.

"What was all that commotion about by the door just now?" Cornelia questioned as she turned around, only for her to stiffen and her cheeks to redden. "Oh."

She saw her entire family gathered around a tall man in uniform, his back turned towards her. When she looked at her mother, she could see Clarissa with tears in her eyes while she was smiling from ear to ear, which moved something inside Cornelia. Then, Cornelia's father cleared his throat; he too had misty eyes. The next thing happened in slow motion according to Cornelia.

The man in uniform slowly turned around and faced her. Cornelia's brows furrowed as she found the man's face to be extremely familiar, but she couldn't place him until having looked at his face, half hidden by his fancy air force beret. Then, Cornelia started to feel faint and her heartbeat increased severely. Even after everything she had seen and experienced in Narnia, she thought that her mind at this point was playing her. That was until she looked the man in the eye, his lips curving upwards into a soft smile and he said, "Hello Lia."

Those familiar eyes. That smile. That voice.

Cornelia's lips trembled, tears were filling up in her eyes as her face lit up into a small, disbelieving smile before she took a few steps towards the man and threw herself into his arms, like she had done so many times when she was little. As soon as his arms engulfed her and she could smell his cologne, the ache of this familiarity she had held on to for so long overwhelmed her, resulting in her gasping to catch her breath as she clung to the man, an older version of the man she had said goodbye to five years ago.

"Andrew." Cornelia whispered, still not really fathoming what was happening. Then she looked up at the ceiling, a content smile gracing her lips. "Thank you, Aslan."

He was home.