Intense blue eyes pinned Claire to her seat.
"Let me get this straight. You defied the orders of armed terrorists, risked capture or worse with your stunt to lock them up, then took out a wall with an explosion you rigged from stuff you just found lying around. You put yourself and Brains in unnecessary danger. Do you realise how unbelievably stupid and reckless that was?"
Claire dropped her eyes, unable meet the Commander's gaze any longer. When it was put bluntly like that it did sound completely stupid. It was her first experience of an International Rescue debrief session and she was finding herself uncomfortably in the spotlight.
"Give her a break. It was a successful mission. The GDF have got the terrorists in custody and no one got hurt."
Scott rounded on Gordon.
"No one got hurt? She shot Virgil! She could have shot you! Sixteen hours it took for him to come round."
"At least is was only a tranquilizer dart. You saw the weapons those guys were carrying. It could have been a lot worse."
And that was the crux of the matter. It could have been a lot worse. Scott was one tense ball of worry from all the 'might have beens' and the stress was radiating off him. The stress only increasing as each new piece of information was revealed.
Gordon had seen this before. He knew Scott blamed himself for sending him and Virgil into the unknown. Knew how much Scott would have hated being an outsider to the situation, stuck waiting for the GDF to arrive with nothing but ominous radio silence and his own thoughts for company. Scott was used to being in the centre of the action. Used to being in control. He was not a natural bystander.
But on this mission he had been a bystander. He hadn't been the one forced to make split second decisions while fearing for his life. He also hadn't seen the moment of horrified realisation that crossed Claire's face as she released the dart, too late to stop its inevitable trajectory. Only Gordon had been witness to her anguish and pain and he knew Claire was punishing herself enough without Scott using the debrief to add to her guilt.
"Stay out of this Gordon."
Gordon stood his ground.
Normally Virgil was the peacemaker. The one to tell Scott when he had overstepped the mark. Defender of little brothers when the worry morphed too far into chastisement. But Virgil was still too groggy to take an active part in proceedings. He was present at the debrief but the chestnut brown eyes were unfocussed; an after-effect of the anaesthetic. Despite his bulk Virgil tended to have a bit of an extreme reaction to pharmaceuticals and Brains' impromptu tranquilizer gun had packed a powerful punch.
"C'mon Scott. You've had our reports. Going over it again won't change what happened. Everyone came home safely, just remember that."
Scott visibly deflated.
Seizing upon this as a sign of silent dismissal, the room emptied.
xoxoxox
After being dragged over the coals Claire didn't feel able to face Brains or anyone else for that matter. Instead of returning to her usual bench in the labs she headed out towards the beach in the hope that fresh air and solitude would give her space to think. She certainly didn't feel up to carrying on with her research yet.
She perched herself on a rock and gazed out over the vast ocean. With no one else around she felt she could finally let down some of the barriers she had been maintaining. Emotional shields to cut herself off during that tense time period where everyone had been worried about Virgil, waiting for him to regain consciousness, and then during the debrief. The gentle sound of waves on the shore and breeze through the trees soothed her.
"Is this rock taken?"
She jumped and the invisible armour instantly slotted back in to place. She had been so lost in her own thoughts she hadn't heard Virgil approaching.
"I thought Scott didn't want you going anywhere alone yet?"
"I'm not alone, you're here." He took a seat on the rock beside her. "Unless you're going to run away and find a new hiding place."
"I'm not hiding."
Warm brown eyes stared into her soul. Eyes that were a lot more focussed now. The last remnants of anaesthetic were finally leaving his system. She could tell he didn't believe her. Her armour trembled.
"I'm…I'm sorry I shot you." It didn't feel enough but it needed to be said.
"It's ok, I'm fine. No harm done. At least we know who to send if we get called out to a rampaging rhinoceros."
"How can you joke about this?"
"Who says I'm joking. Seriously, even Kayo was impressed, and not just with the shooting. What you and Brains pulled off out there was amazing."
"No, it was stupid and dangerous. You heard what Scott said."
"Scott's an idiot. We do stupid and dangerous things every time we get called out and Scott is one of the worst culprits. He only bawled you out because he was worried. I'll talk to him."
"You don't need to protect me. I can look after myself."
"I know you can look after yourself but that doesn't mean you have to do everything alone. I bet you haven't even talked to anyone about what you really went through at the exhibition."
"You were at the debrief."
"I don't mean the debrief. For goodness sake Claire you were threatened by armed terrorists, things like that leave a mark on you. All of us here have been in situations that have scared us. Feeling scared is ok. It's part of being human. During a mission you learn to tuck it away but at some point you have to deal with it otherwise that mission will haunt you forever. If you don't want to talk to me then talk to Scott, or John, or even Gordon; all of them will understand. But please, talk to someone."
Claire's armour shattered into a thousand pieces.
As the first sobs shook her body Virgil pulled her close into the hug she so desperately needed. He stroked her back as she let the fear and stress drain away. Tears soaked into flannel. Strong arms encircled her in a cocoon of safety, their warm embrace giving a feeling of security as all her vulnerabilities were laid bare.