BH: I can no longer tell if I'm writing intuitively or if I'm writing with minimal effort, but my biggest concern is never writing anything. I've never completed a story I've set out to finish, I don't even have very many to name, (I generally felt lot of my concepts were potentially fun but too incomplete to bother with, or were objectively awful). I've been active with fanfiction from 2004-2012 and came back late 2017, so the way this works is you gotta write a lot of trash before you come up with gold. Dunno which one of my NH fics that will be, if any, but as with all meager ambitions it's a nice dream.
Not sure if the smut below is cringey, but I'll take honest feedback. Thank you for reading!
21 Days
Chapter Nineteen, As Long As You're With Me
"Whispered something in your ear,
It was a perverted thing to say,
But I said it anyway,
Made you smile and look away,"
-Cigarettes After Sex
"Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby"
Somehow she hadn't been so sure she could feel this way with him, like things didn't have to be as difficult as she made them out to be.
Warmth sank into places in her soul she had long thought frozen for good, and she couldn't stop the fresh ice-melt from flowing down her face.
And yet her fears still won't fully settle.
Can she make him happy? Can she keep him happy?
He's happy enough to know she won't disappear on him again. He's happy enough with this skinship. For now it's so easy. All she has to do is exist and he's happy.
That doesn't feel like much of a contribution, at all.
He makes himself happy by choosing her, doesn't he?
But she tells herself to stop thinking about it. She's going down that spiral of negativity again, and she needs to stop. These thoughts are poisoning these precious moments and they have no place here.
The best advice she can give herself is that she'll figure these things out later.
The moment he becomes unhappy with her, she'll figure out how to reverse course. Even if her body tells her to leave and never look back, she won't do that. She'll dig in her heels and she'll figure it out.
That's how you handle these sort of things, right?
That's how being someone's partner ought to be?
She's still not ready for this.
But he can't hear that from her.
His hands start to trace tentative heat trails up her spine, then down along her sides.
His nose pokes her neck. He deeply inhales. His exhale shudders softly on the way out. Her heart clenches at the thought that he's still calming himself down.
She's witnessed his lowest lows and she does not wish to repeat it.
Naruto and emotional turmoil don't belong together.
She tightens her embrace protectively, and he chuckles. Confused, she allows him to pull away. He leans his forehead against her and they're nose to nose. He's grinning like a fox.
Hinata instinctively raises her guard up knowing that he's in a teasing mood.
"Naruto-kun?"
"You like me."
Her face exploded with heat. Her tongue laid useless inside her mouth. She spilled more tears in an attempt to blink away her naked discomfort.
She recognizes her childhood love for Neji was no more than a friendly crush, the result of which had been produced by the combination of deep loyalty and trust, much like iron and carbon produces steel.
Companionate love. The pure and true kind.
The knowledge she had something so sure and so enduring back then motivated her all the better to keep it.
With Naruto, there's always been that taste of fantasy for her when she was younger. A tale of a knight and his lady.
Fantasies don't last forever, but the way he makes her feel always remained, like she's had too much cold medicine, all floaty and fuzzy-brained.
She can't deny there's a touch of thrill in her flaring insecurities, a quietly needy voice crying for validation
Such a voice is pure weakness no matter how you look at it. And maybe it was stronger back then than it is now.
But there's a purpose to this weakness, is there not?
It's not to cause her disaster but to strengthen their intimacy. The intimacy she has been shunning and running from.
The voice was stronger back then.
Because right now she's only afraid of the end. Not for herself, but for him.
Naruto thinks she's good at handling loss because she's inclined towards solitude.
It's not true.
It's her only way to handle loss. Because she can't handle it otherwise.
So when he's so pleased with himself that he's got to air out her feelings to her face, she can't help but hunch up a little. Because the last time she told someone how she felt, they were gone. And they never came back.
Maybe it's self-preservation, maybe it's a little bit of superstition. But she really cannot go through that again.
Naruto took no mind of her silence as he repeated himself in blissed out sing-song. "You liiike meee."
Don't run away. This is okay. Don't run away.
"I,I m,made no such allusions."
Naruto scoffed, appearing to take no offense.
"You said 'how I really feel', so you do feel something."
She released her embrace, her hands sliding across his shoulders to pause at his chest. She gently nudged him away, but to avail.
"Maybe, maybe not."
Naruto scoffed again, wrapping his arms around her tighter as he burrowed his face in her neck and held her flush against his body.
"Now you're just playing against type." He said all in one breath, his husky voice going straight to her head.
He's got her trapped between his pelvis and the wall, the cold sink beneath her preventing her feet from reaching the floor. She wriggles against him, a pathetic attempt to escape, because her emotions are still too raw, and this location isn't secluded enough.
But that's part of the high.
That's exactly why deep down inside she wants this.
Just as much as she does.
The way he breathes so loud, so forced, the way he drags his tongue along the pulse of her neck, the way his hands search her curves as if desperate to find purchase, all of it makes her tingle and ache. She's overflowing from her soul and she clings to him in turn.
He growls, his body vibrates with need as he whispers her name like a praise.
She cranes her head down to meet him, a question on her tongue that goes un-asked, because he smashes his lips to hers, he fills her throat with his greedy tongue. He lays claim to the hot cavern of her mouth, forcing the bready, bitter flavor of beer onto her. She moves with him, moaning. She sips on his lips and sucks on his tongue. She sharply takes in air through her nostrils like she were just barely able to keep her face above water.
His right hand has found its way beneath her dress and down the back of her pants, his left hand is cupping her breast.
A bold press against her asshole and his left hand thumbing her nipple through her clothes, and she makes the most confused noise, half squeak and frustrated arousal. He forces his hardness against her groin and she nearly loses her eyes to the back of her head.
Their lips part with a sticky pop, a rope of saliva breaking between them.
"A quick one." He declares.
"A,A quick one." She parrots in acquiesce.
She might regret this later. But she might regret not putting out this wildfire raging between them more.
His left hand scurries up her dress, his fingers roughly latch onto the hem of her jeggings and with both hands he forces them down past her knees.
She's shrinking into herself, her self-consciousness never fully vanquished, because half-naked on a public sink is unnatural and strange, it's utter degeneracy.
But he never lets her care about that stuff for too long.
He presses his fingers against her core and she squirms with a moan.
Her panties. They're already this damp.
"Fuck, I wanna taste you."
"N,No time."
His breathing labors as he works down his own jeans and boxers.
His length presses against her melty core and she stiffens as if he had burned her.
"Hinata, be ready, okay?"
She nods fervently, and he lines his weeping head against her moist entrance.
Her teeth nearly cut into her bottom lip. Her breath catches with every inch as he pushes through, stretching her apart, soaking his length in her juices.
He reaches the end and they stop, hovering dangerously in the atmosphere of primal instincts and soul-deep satisfaction.
Naruto took a deep breath, releasing a strange sound crossed between a chagrined chuckle and a sigh. "I'm gonna cum already."
"Eh?!" Hinata jerked away, causing him to growl in pleasure, his face scrunched up tight. "You can't." She whispered.
She was wrapped so tight around him that she wanted to be filled like this forever.
"Said it'd be a quick one, right?" Sweat was beginning to dot along his temples. "Whatever happens, you're gonna to hafta keep it inside, okay?"
Hinata whipped her head side to side in adamant protest.
"You're not cumming inside."
He gazed at her from behind his half-lidded haze, and she imagined the very idea turned him on. The idea of her walking around while she was filled to the brim with his cum.
"We'll get the pill." He assures once he emerges from his spontaneous daydream.
"Naru-" He thrusts without warning, causing the last vowel of his name to be sung high towards the heavens, and she never gets to articulate the rest of her sentence because he doesn't stop.
She's rendered practically mute save for her undulating moans, so breathy and deep, as he pounds his cock into her with all the desperation of a man who may never experience such rapture again.
She can feel herself rising higher and higher into a cloud of pleasure. Her brain is buzzing with sparks that threaten to make her vision go white. Her fingers and legs tingle like crazy she thinks she might not be able to walk.
"Fuck," He bites out, his voice high with emotion. "Fuck, Hinata, fuck."
She nods absently, agreeing to whatever he's feeling right now, because she's feeling it too.
"I'm selfish, I'm self-serving. I'm sorry," He's rambling. His cheek is hot and slick against her own, and she holds him tightly, not for her impending orgasm but because he sounds like he's losing it. "I don't want you to fuck anyone else, Hinata, I'm sorry, but I really don't want to see you with anyone else. Please, please."
Hinata bucks her hips against him. She's determined to distract him with the milking of his cock, to replace his rambling with ardent groaning.
She cups his face and positions her mouth close to his ear. "You feel s,so good, Naruto-kun. So good. So, so good," He groans in approval, his thrusts picking up speed. A moan sings in her throat and she's so close. "I,It's true, I can only feel this way with you, Naruto-kun. Only you. Only you."
His arms tighten around her petite form, and he grunts. "Hinata, I'm gonna-!"
He goes rigid.
His mouth is wide open, almost painfully so.
His voice gets stuck in his throat.
He convulses with every shot of thick, ropey cum that fills her abused tunnel, and she holds him.
She holds him, and she breathes him in, and she soothes him with the stroke of her hand down the back of his head.
Because he's convulsing for a different reason now.
His tears are soaking her neck.
She smiles.
He's such a big baby.
But she likes that about him.
Her panties are glued to her inner lips. She's holding his cum inside her, a depraved secret borne between the two of them, and she's cradling his head against her chest.
He had moved to sit on the toilet, his face dazed with unfathomable emotions. Perhaps he had poured everything he had inside of her and now he was tired again.
When she had moved to hold him and stroke his hair, he clung to her.
"We've been in here too long."
He doesn't respond aside from burying his face in her chest.
She swore he got a little emotional back at the hotel during their first time together. That hug on the bed was rather sudden and unprompted.
Naruto made a sharp and lengthy sniff before pulling away, his face red, seemingly with embarrassment.
"At your old work, there was a lot of drinking right?"
"Usually the hard stuff, neat or on the rocks, that's what the customers wanted. A quick buzz along with instant attention."
Naruto nodded. "So I'm guessing you've never had any of the fun drinks, huh?"
"'Fun drinks'?"
Somehow they made it back to their table without earning too many suspicious glances.
At least, they tried to tell themselves none of the glances were suspicious. People instinctively tend to look at who's passing by, it's not that they're actually noticing something specific about you.
It didn't seem to stop her hypervigilance from going off like an alarm siren.
Naruto was grinning widely. To everyone else it was a normal, cheerful expression. To her it screamed that he was just as nervous as she was.
They slid into their booth, no longer taking opposite ends like two future divorcees, they huddled in the middle, their hips firmly fused together.
Naruto placed two orders with the waitress, and she returned with two full pints of golden beer, two pairs of chopsticks and two ceramic cups of steaming saké.
Naruto arranged the chopsticks atop their beer, then balanced the saké cups atop the center of the chopsticks.
His eyes sparkled like a boy about to commence the launching of his prized bottle rocket.
"Okay, so what you do is make a fist," He held his over the table and she followed suit. "Then you slam the table, but we gotta count to three, okay?"
Hinata smiled with a nod. "Okay."
"One… two…" Naruto glanced at her, a mischievous gleam in his eye.
"Three…" They said together. "KANPAI!"
They both hammered the table with their fists, but Hinata knew her attempt wasn't enough and she couldn't help but laugh how he had instantly compensated for her. His was strong enough to cause both their saké to drop into the beer. The cup displaced a decent amount of beer, wetting their table as it sloshed out. And then their drinks began to froth like shaken soda.
Naruto grabbed his pint and she grabbed hers. Bringing the rising beer cocktail to their lips, they chugged till their glasses were empty.
They shivered in unison as the icy bite of their bubbling beverage passed through them and they exhaled, at once in contentment and from the bitter mix.
Hinata leaned her face against his upper arm, feeling woozy, fuzzy and warm all at once. She wanted to be glued to him like this forever.
She rubbed her thighs together, relishing in the squishy, sticky secret between her legs.
She'll make sure to make a stop at the pharmacy tomorrow. They never did have that talk, but back at the hotel he seemed hell-bent on staining her skin with his essence. She supposes she's fine with that, it does make her feel a certain way, like she's been claimed. There's a confusing paradox in female sexuality, that to be defiled is to be worshipped. Very confusing indeed, but it's hot to him and it's intoxicating to her.
Perhaps she'll withhold from the talk after all.
"I think I may've been too uptight with you," Hinata said. "I'm sorry."
That rare spot of happiness mixed with the alcohol doing its thing has managed to mute most of the awful noise that exists in the back of her mind, like a black cloud of locusts waiting to descend and devour her happy thoughts.
She feels his hand brush up against hers between them. His pinky then intertwines with hers, and her eyes almost well with tears. It's too cute. It's like a kindergartener's hand hold.
"Well, maybe that's a sign."
She turned towards him. "A sign?"
His grin blinds her. "That we should get blitzed tonight!"
The waitress is nearing and Hinata's thoughts drift into a series of possible outcomes, until she understands which one is the best one, and she addresses his offer in a low voice.
"Let's go to liquor store. I'd rather drink with you at home now."
His gaze softened and she hadn't the time to ponder if it was something she said.
He fished out his wallet and dropped the nearest ryo amount. He then grabbed Hinata's hand and they made no effort to hide their haste.
It starts with one shot of shochu.
It smells sweet and sharp like nail polish and it goes down like ethanol.
Burning down their esophagus, warming their insides.
They breathe out fumes.
His lips peck her head when she's another shot ahead of him.
He matches her, only to pull her into a kiss. He opens his mouth a little and she drinks the shot he had warmed for her.
"Now I'm two shots ahead." She said, but his hand distracts her, tracing down the slope of her back.
He pecks her chin, then explores the length of her neck. Her head tilts back with a moan.
He pulls aways and she moans with pout. He chuckles at her as he lifts up the bottle and puts it to his mouth.
She watches him take three swigs before setting it down none too lightly, rattling their glasses along the kotatsu.
"Now I'm one ahead of you," He begins to pour into their shot glasses. She takes a swig of hers, her loins drenched in arousal as he stares at her hungrily.
Naruto reaches out then nudges her onto her back. She falls onto the tatami with a squeak. He pulls up her dress. To his dismay, it stops below her breasts.
"Don't breathe," He said, shochu bottle in hand, and he pours directly into her navel. She freezes up, the cold contact is sudden and jarring. "I've always wanted to try this."
She bites her lip, trying to keep her abdomen contracted. She doesn't want to spill a drop.
When he closes his mouth over her, she begins to feel an excruciating ache in her clit.
He slurps up the alcohol just as loudly as he does noodles, but her inebriated brain is making a different connection. She's wanting him to go further down but that won't happen.
"I'm too warm." She said. She's no longer wearing her maxi cardigan, but she's not lying. She's burning for him.
He hovered atop her, then nipped at her lips.
"Need help getting up?"
She nodded dumbly.
Naruto pulled her to sitting. She then steadied herself with the kotatsu, rising to full height. Her head is spinning already. She's able to handle more than this usually. She figures she mustn't have eaten enough today.
She locks eyes with him as she reaches behind her neck where the buttons are to her dress.
His eyes never leave hers as he downs another shot.
This isn't like back at the hotel.
She's giving him a show.
She gathers the bottom of her dress, then lifts it up, the sewn bustline catching against her plump breasts, causing them to bounce upon release.
She discards her dress in a random direction.
She's wearing one of her extra-support bras, the kind with the front clasp. The upper half of it is sheer lace, and her heart is pounding at the sight of his impatience and approval.
Naruto shuffles forward on his knees. He hooks his fingers in the hem of her jeggings and panties, and he slowly eases her garments past her hips. He pauses to stare.
It's been leaking from her over time. Her inner thighs are shiny and slick from his fluid. The crotch of her panties are completely soaked.
There's a thick rope of white cum dripping from pussy and he can't look away.
Hinata fights the urge to hide her face as her hands curl beneath her chin.
"Don't stare so much."
"But it's sexy as fuck."
He pulled her pants down to her ankles, then eased them off her feet. Hinata immediately closed her thighs together with a dismayed squeak. She ducked her head down and clasped her hands over her crotch.
"Naruto-kun. A napkin. It's coming out."
The sound of clothes shuffling alerted her. Upon a timid peek, her eyes snapped open. Naruto was kneeling buck naked before her, the purpling head of his cock consuming all of her attention.
Naruto reached for her and grabbed her hands. He helped her walk towards. Tugging in her slightly, she crouched down, mirroring him.
She could still feel his warm cum dribbling down the insides of her thighs.
"Come over here." He smiled.
He moved her hands to his shoulders and she climbed atop him. She softly moaned, both in embarrassment and arousal. She lined herself up against his tip. She saw the way his grin fell away, leaving behind the look of a man on a mission.
Hinata swallowed. She began to descend down his length, watching how his lips pursed and his brow pinched.
Her eyes squeezed shut as she took his whole length inside her, plugging up the rest of his cum towards the back of her pussy.
Naruto leaned back on his hands, a smirk popping on his lips. He eyed her through a lidded gaze then nodded.
He wanted her to do all the work?
"I drank way more than you." He said, as if reading her mind.
Biting down her pout, she worked up the nerve to raise her hips up. Her mouth formed in an 'o' as his sturdy length dragged along her slippery walls. She dared another peek.
He was gleaming, almost looking proud.
Of her.
She inhaled, turned it into courage in her veins and she dropped her hips down. She laughed breathily as his head rolled back with a loud groan, like she had nearly ended him.
She rolled her hips against him, easing into a rhythm. It didn't take long for him to begin bucking his hips. He hadn't the self-control.
A burning ache steadily built up in her thighs and she couldn't keep up the pace. Hinata hung her head and whined. "My thighs hurt."
Naruto burst out laughing. He fell onto his back, his stomach contracted with every boom of his amusement.
"You… you're coming to the gym with me."
Hinata crossed her arms and collapsed forward, hiding her face against the shield of his chest. "I knew you had ulterior motives."
"Hey!"
Hinata craned her head up and wrinkled her nose at him. "Just kidding."
His right arm moved to embrace her and in seconds he had her flat on her back.
She blinked at him owlishly, a touch of apprehension entering her features.
"You weren't complainin' back at the hotel," He said, an undertone of warning darkening his voice. "You're the one receiving all the benefits here, babe," He hugged her thighs to his stomach, and he slammed his cock to the back of her silky tunnel. Her back arched with a squeal. Her breasts heaved for air. She stared at him with wide eyes, but he just smirked. He began again, punctuating his poundings with incessant pestering. "Go. To. The. Gym. With. Me!"
Hinata's hands were curled beside her face, her lidded gaze holding his as he drove her further and further away from lucidity. Her moans rose higher and faster with every thrust, her face scrunching and glistening with sweat. Her bare thighs stuck to his skin too. Every sloppy retreat from her pussy was followed by a sticky slap and he perilously, uselessly chased his orgasm, because it was futile. Oh so futile.
He drank way too much.
So he relished in stirring his cum in her tightness.
He relished the burning alcohol followed by burning kisses, ones that got sloppier and clumsier as the night wore on.
And he relished the sight of her in every angle he could have her; on her side, on her knees from behind, then on her stomach, the way her full ass rippled with every slap of his hips.
He relished her pleasure-soaked face, the way her moans that drove him crazy, and the way each shaking orgasm rendered boneless and happy beneath him.
Her moans had turned dry and voiceless minutes ago.
"Fuck." Naruto pulled out, scraping out a huge glob of his load. He tsked at the mess he made on his tatami between her legs. His erection hadn't calmed down either this entire time. Sighing, he crawled over her prone form and leaned in close to her face. Her gentle, even breathing proved it to him.
She had fallen asleep.
The bottle had been emptied two hours ago.
He vaguely registered the ache in his lower abdomen, likely both from their marathon fucking and urine retention.
He glanced in the direction of his bedroom.
He was sure the sun was rising, the way his apartment was steeped in a dozy gray-blue.
He tested his legs, but they gave out on him. He laid down on his side and watched her sleep.
He reached out and pressed his thumb to her bottom lip, so full and so plush. He couldn't help but smile.
This silly girl who doesn't realize how much she puts others before herself really is someone he can't afford to lose in his life.
He knows he has to make it up to her, for all the insidious ways he'd been tearing her down, the ways he'd been scaring her off from romantic investment.
Somehow she believes relationships are codependent and nothing more. Maybe to some extent that's the only dynamic he knows, but they can be more than that.
They can be better.
If she's willing to figure this stuff out with him, then there's really nothing to fear.
Naruto leans to kiss her forehead. He presses his smile to her skin.
"Everything's gonna be okay."
The early morning faded to black and he passed out.