Dawn leaned back a little in her seat. The ride home was silent, so silent that it was making her nauseous.
Gary was driving at the normal speed but Dawn felt like the ride was taking forever. Ash was sitting beside Gary, on the passenger seat, engrossed in his phone and honestly, Dawn was relieved that he was not sitting beside her at this moment.
Leaf, who was sitting beside Dawn, was fast asleep and her head was on Dawn's shoulder. Dawn shifted a little to lay her head on top of Leaf's, staring at Ash from the side.
The confession on the Ferris Wheel had startled her. Ash had feelings for her? He fell in love with someone like her? The more she thought about it, the less sense it made.
Why would someone like him fall for someone like her? What did he even see in her? Dawn closed her eyes, exhaling deeply. Her heart was still beating fast and no matter what she tried she couldn't stop thinking about what happened on the Ferris Wheel.
Dawn repeated his words,"You're in love with me?" His words had hit her like an avalanche and honestly, she wasn't ready. Nothing in the world could have prepared her for a confession, especially from Ash.
Seeing Dawn's shocked expression, Ash leaned back, resting his shoulder on the frame of the Ferris Wheel,"Yeah. I have been in love with you for quite some time."
"I didn't know," Dawn whispered,"But, why..?"
"Huh?"
"Why me?" Dawn said more clearly,"I am not someone a sane person would fall in love with."
Ash gave a sigh of relief,"I thought you were gonna say I'm lying."
Dawn shook her head,"You're not the type to joke around like that."
Ash smiled, even though he was waiting for her answer.
The ride fell silent again and this time, Dawn didn't know what to say. Did she like him like that? She wasn't sure. What did even liking someone meant?
"I.." Ash started, breaking the ice,"You don't have to answer now. Take your time."
"See Ash," Dawn looked up and her eyes met his. Feeling embarrassed, she quickly averted her eyes and said,"I've never fallen in love. I don't know if I feel that way about you but.."
Nothing good starts with a but, Ash knew that but she listened to his confession and he had to listen to her answer. He had not planned to propose to her like this. He wanted to say what he felt more romantically, more enthusiastically, not in the spur of the moment. 'Oh God! I shouldn't have confessed.'
Seeing him silent, Dawn cleared her throat,"Umm.. are you okay?"
Ash nodded slightly, he was nervous and Dawn could sense that. She was nervous too.
"It's not your first time getting proposed to, huh?" Ash joked, recalling the first day he saw her. Those messy hair, nose red due to frustration and the fight with Iris over Trip, everything seemed like a distant memory. He remembered how much he was intrigued by her but at the same time wanted to have no contact with her.
Dawn let out a small, surprised laugh,"Yeah. I totally ruined my first impression."
Ash laughed on hearing that and leaned forward, getting a good look at her face. He could see that she was tired after jumping around all day in the park. Her hair was a little messed up but to him, she still looked like the prettiest girl he had ever laid eyes upon.
"I don't know what to say," Dawn said again, shuffling in her seat as she gave him a weak smile,"I am happy that you like me but I really don't know what to say. I mean, look, umm.." Dawn ran her fingers through the loose strand of her hair to tuck it behind her ear, searching for the words to say,"I am sorry? I mean, I don't think I like you the same way? And I don't want to.."
Seeing Ash staring at her completely still, she stopped talking. Her heart almost stopped as she watched Ash ... just staring at her without saying anything.
"Ash?"
"Ash?"
Ash blinked once, then twice,"Its cool."
Dawn couldn't believe it though,"Are you sure?"
Ash gave her a thumbs up and smiled weakly,"Yeah. I confessed knowing full well that I have no chance so it is not a big deal."
He lied. He actually thought that she would accept his proposal and her rejection wrecked all the positive thoughts he had. He was on the verge of tears but didn't want to cry in front of the girl who had just rejected him.
Dawn wanted to go hold his hand but decided against it. She watched as Ash shuffled to look outside the cabin into the distance. She wanted to say so much to him but couldn't. She didn't know what to do or what to say to make him feel better.
He felt like someone had stabbed him in his guts and pulled out his insides. His heart was aching so damn much that he wanted to just scream at the top of his lungs and cry. 'Just because things went well for Gary and Leaf didn't mean it'll turn out okay for me too,' Ash thought to himself,'What if I can't talk to her normally anymore? What if this destroys our friendship too?'
Dawn couldn't look away from him. He looked so.. exhausted and helpless and she knew it was because of her. She felt guilty but she didn't want to toy with his feelings. "Ash?"
"Hmm?"
"I am so sorry."
"You don't have to be. I mean.. just because someone loves you doesn't mean you have to love him back you know."
His words hurt and Dawn felt like going back in the moment before he confessed. "I.. I hurt you, I know but.."
Ash turned to look at her and saw her big, sapphire eyes shining in the sunlight,"I don't want to date you with half assed feelings. I don't want to start dating then break your heart because I couldn't figure out my feelings first. You don't deserve someone who can't figure out what she is feeling."
Ash didn't know what to say," What do you mean by that? You're not sure of your feelings?"
"When I was a kid and saw my Mom and Dad together, I wanted to have what they had. And then they got divorced. I thought I knew what love was but I don't. You're too precious to me Ash. You were the first person beside my Mom who accepted me for who I was. I don't want to lose you as a friend."
"I don't want to play with your feelings because.. seriously.. I can't explain how important you are to me and I.." Dawn stopped," I don't know what I'm saying anymore."
Ash gave her a little grin," So if you fall in love with me in the future, we can date?"
Dawn was taken back by his straight forward attitude,''May..Maybe.."
"That's fine for now then," he leaned back again,"Heck! How long is this ride going to be?"
The ride fell silent again. She didn't want to say anything else and kept staring out of the cabin. The cabin was descending slowly and she couldn't wait to get out of this suffocating atmosphere. Being so close to him was turning out to be torturous.
Dawn stepped out from the cabin and stretched a little, feeling a little better. She turned sideways to look at Ash, who pulled out his phone and began typing something on his phone, walking away from her. She began following him silently and noticed Gary and Leaf walking behind them and spoke up,"Lets wait for Gary and Leaf to show up."
"I am gonna to the car, I feel exhausted."
"Umm.. okay?" Ash started walking away, pulling out hid phone and unlocking it. She wanted to call out to him, run upto him and say everything was going to be fine but couldn't. How could you console someone when you, yourself are the reason they are unhappy?
Dawn watched as he began walking away, still typing something on his phone. Her heart wouldn't stop thumping against her chest. He looked so.. distant and alone.
"Why did the idiot leave?" Gary asked, catching up to Dawn.
Dawn didn't say anything and kept staring at his retreating back.
"Dawn?" Leaf shook her slightly on seeing her lost expression,"Oh my god, what happened? Shit! Is Delia okay?"
"She is fine," Dawn spoke up and teared her eyes away from him to look at Leaf,"I rejected him."
It took Gary and Leaf a while to process what she meant. " He confessed?"
Dawn nodded,"I hurt him, I know but.."
Leaf gave her a hug," Hey it's fine! He is Ash! He will be okay!"
Dawn nodded,"I hope so."
"You don't like that idiot?" Gary asked, eyeing her weirdly,"I was sure you liked him."
"I like him as a friend!" She explained,"I mean he is such a nice guy! But I'm not sure if I like him back that way, I don't know."
They began walking towards the exit gate, Gary and Leaf holding hands while Dawn walked behind them silently, not saying a word. What did dating even mean? That they would have to spend more time with each other, alone? Go to movies and sit together? Talk to each other all the time? Wasn't she already doing all this with Ash?
What if Ash decides he wouldn't talk to her anymore? What if he stops hanging out with her? Gary was his best friend and Leaf was Gary's girlfriend! Would that mean they would stop talking to her too? The more she thought about it, the more her heart ached. She didn't want to know what was going to happen.
Seeing Dawn too quiet, Gary asked,"You said you didn't know what you felt." Dawn looked up and faced him. Gary kept speaking,"What will you do if someone gets too close to him?"
"Close to him like what?"
"Like with the intention of dating him."
Dawn rolled her eyes,"I don't know okay. I mean, I never had a guy who was interested in me like that and I don't know what to do or how to react. I don't even know what going out with someone means!"
"You'll know when you experience it, " Leaf said with a smile,"Its hard to put it into words but I sure hope you'll learn soon."
"Can I just take an uber home? I don't know how I'm going to face Ash."
"You rejected him," Gary said, a little too straightforward,"It should be Ash who feels awkward not you. But he will do everything so that you feel comfortable, even if it hurts him inside so don't leave unannounced. It's gonna hurt him even more."
"I don't know, " Dawn shrugged," Shouldn't he be alone with his best friends now? I mean he must want to talk to you guys, in my absence."
"Look," Gary stopped walking,"If you want to leave, leave. Don't make excuses okay. I have known Ash for more than a decade and he isn't just going to start ignoring you or ghost you because of something like this. He has a heart of gold and I don't know why you can't see that. "
"Are you indirectly coaxing me to reconsider my response to him?" Dawn squinted her eyes again,"Come on! Do you really want me to date him without feeling anything at all? Is that what you mean?"
Gary fell silent and exhaled deeply. Dawn spoke up again," He is a nice guy, I know but unless I figure out what I feel for him is admiration or attraction, I am not going to do anything. I don't want to.." She stopped, her mind going back to her parents broken marriage,"I don't want to end up our friendship because I was too hasty and made wrong decisions."
Leaf wrapped her fingers around Dawn's and gave her hand a squeeze,''I think you are right about that. There's no point in leading a guy just for time pass or just because you're lonely. I am sure Ash will understand."
Ash had been staring at his phone for a long time now. He wanted to disappear. He didn't want to face anyone at the moment or come face to face with Dawn after walking away like that.
He clutched his forehead and exhaled deeply. "She is still my friend," he spoke to himself as he tried to calm himself down," Nothing will change between us. We are good friends."
He kept repeating those words to himself and stopped when he saw Gary approaching him,Leaf and Dawn were walking far behind.
"You okay mate?" Gary asked, unlocking the car.
"Yeah," Ash went around and entered the passenger's seat,"Hopefully."
"What kinda answer is that idiot. You're either okay or you're not," Gary got in and put on his seatbelt.
" I hope I'm okay but mentally I'm not okay," Ash leaned back in his seat,"Maybe this is as far as my love life goes."
Gary passed him a look which was a mixture of pity and thoughtfulness,"Don't be so pessimistic. Every thing is going to be fine."
" Yeah," Ash began and stopped talking once he heard the backdoor unlocking and saw Leaf getting in. Dawn entered from the other side and smiled at him,"Hey.''
Ash gave her a small," Hey" in response and turned to face the front,"It's getting so dark. God today was.. tiring and fun."
Gary laughed," Yeah. Next time we should invite May and Drew too."
" Maybe Misty too," Ash added," She's gonna start attending school this week."
" The more the merrier!" Leaf chirped in.
Dawn was hearing silently and smiled. At least he sounded good. Nothing would change between them right?
.
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Okaaaay! Sorry for the long long long wait. I am so sorry for that! I got caught up in exams then got so sick during the new years that it ruined my birthday and everything. I had been working on this chapter for a long time but couldn't find the words to describe it. And moreover, this chapter is toooo short, I know, but I really didn't want to add anything in here.
Yesterday, my brother got into an accident. Bystanders thought he was a gone case but some miracle saved him. He got two stitches in the head and his left leg was pretty badly scratched up. Two of his fingers of left hand was fractured but I'm so glad he is alive. I don't know how to thank god for saving him… I hardly slept in the last 30 hours and so I'm gonna so get some sleep…
darkestlightofhope