Chapter Nineteen

"Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood

All the ones around me,

I cared for and loved,

It's building up inside of me

A place so dark, so cold, I had to set me free

Don't mourn for me,

You're not the one to place the blame"

With trembling hands I slowly place the cold barrel of the revolver against my temple. I can hear the rapid thudding of my heartbeat in my ears, sweat is pouring down my face, and a cold, numb sensation spreads throughout my entire body. Just pull the trigger, it will be quick and easy…just pull the trigger! I close my eyes and prepare myself for the end, and whatever comes next…yet nothing happens. My finger is still on the trigger but it refuses to budge. I grit my teeth in annoyance. "Come on." I whisper softly to myself. "Quick and easy, just do it already." Despite my verbal protests my body refuses to move. My thoughts begin to wander. I see my Mom, Yuri, Monika, Natsuki,…Sayori. All of their faces flash across my mind, and the thought of leaving them behind makes my heart ache. My breathing becomes rapid, my hands shake uncontrollably. "Do it…just do it you goddamn coward!" I say in a broken voice, yet my body still refuses to act. With a cry of anger I pull the gun from my head and fire a round into the wall. The resounding crack of the revolver makes my ears ring, with a defeated sigh I slump against my wall, gun still in hand. "You fucking coward." I whisper to myself. The sound of rapid footsteps pierce the constant ringing in my ears and before I can react my door flings open.

"KRIS!" Yuri yells as she enters the room, her eyes land on him and for a horrifying moment it seemed like she was too late. He is slumped against the wall, his skin is pale and his eyes are lifeless and dull, a far cry from the brilliant blue she has become so accustomed to. But after a heart stopping moment, his eyes move towards her and she exhales the breath that had caught in her throat. Before she can speak however she notices the revolver in his hand, barrel still smoking from the shot fired. Her body becomes tense and her mind begins to race. With a shaky hand Yuri extends her arm towards Kris in a non-confrontational manner. "K-kris, I need you t-to put the g-gun down o-okay?" Yuri says in a gentle tone, her voice wavering. Kris doesn't respond, his pale gaze simply looks in her direction, staring right past her, as if she isn't even there. Yuri takes a cautious step forward. "P-please, put the g-gun down." She asks.

His gaze falls on the revolver in his hand, he maintains his grip on the handle and looks up at Yuri. "Why are you here?" Kris asks in a flat tone, devoid of all emotion.

Yuri's chest tightens at the sight of him. She has known for a while now that something has been wrong, that he was always exhausted. That being said, it's easy to ignore the signs when below those tired eyes and dark bags lies a charming smile, always saying something sarcastic or goofy to lighten up the mood. Now the smile is gone, the joy and sarcasm she is oh so familiar with is gone. It makes her want to break down right then and there, but despite all of this, Yuri keeps her composure and continues to try and defuse the situation. "Why do you think? I had a feeling something bad was going to happen…and it seems I was right." Yuri takes another step forward but stops midway when she notices his grip on the gun tightening.

Kris lets out a humorless laugh. "I had hoped you would be too upset with me to come over like this. Seems I can't even do that right."

Yuri takes another cautious step, slowly closing the distance between them, if it comes down to it, she may have to take the gun by force. "Please put the gun down." Yuri says in a soft tone.

Kris remains silent, he raises the gun and looks over the weapon. Yuri's entire body tenses up, she slowly begins to close the distance, ready to take the gun by force if it comes down to that. "I couldn't do it." He whispers softly. Yuri waits with baited breath as he continues. "It had to be done, and yet I couldn't pull the trigger." His gaze falls back to Yuri and with a sigh of defeat he grabs the gun by the barrel and hands it to her. Yuri quickly snatches the weapon from his hand and places it on the desk out of his reach. With a stifled sob she kneels in front of him and tightly embraces him, sobbing into his uniform. He doesn't return the hug.

Yuri breaks the embrace and looks him in the eye. "So this was your plan? To push us away and kill yourself?" Yuri says, tears forming in her eyes. Kris doesn't respond, his empty gaze continues to look right through her, it's as if he isn't even here. "Why? Why would you even consider doing this?" Yuri asks desperately. Kris remains silent once again. "Please! Talk to me please!" Yuri exclaims.

"Yeah, that was the plan." Kris closes his eyes and lets out a sigh.

Yuri is taken aback by his bluntness. "And you think that would have made it easier for us? That we still wouldn't have been devastated?"

Kris opens his eyes and makes eye contact with Yuri. "What was I supposed to do? Come to the club like any other day, pretend everything was alright. Talk, laugh, lie to all of you. Tell all of you that I will see you tomorrow?" He shakes his head. "This was the only way."

Yuri is at a loss for words, it doesn't even seem like he regrets his actions. "Stop, why are you talking like this? Why are you doing this?" Yuri asks again. He remains silent. "Answer me goddamnit!" Yuri screams.

"Yuri, you wouldn't understand."

"I would understand! But you won't talk to me, or anyone for that matter. How do you expect me to understand if you won't just talk to me?" Yuri asks. She takes a calming breath, getting angry won't solve anything. "What about your mother? You were really going to put her through something like this?" Kris looks away from her but she forces him to maintain eye contact, she presses further. "What about the club? Did you think we wouldn't have cared if you died? We would have been crushed. We already lost a dear friend, I don't know if we could handle losing someone else." Kris's jaw clenches, his breathing is rapid and he tries to once again break eye contact but Yuri refuses to let up. "What about me? Do you have any idea how much you mean to me? Do you even care about any of that?" Yuri asks. "Do you?" Yuri asks again after a moment of silence.

"Of course I care goddamnit! Why do you think I'm doing this?" I exclaim, having heard enough. "It was for your own good, for everyone's sake."

Yuri stares at me, appalled at the words I had spoken. "Don't for a second pretend that this was for us, how would you killing yourself benefit any one in any way?" Yuri asks, I go to answer but no words come out. "No, this wasn't for me, this wasn't for your mother, this wasn't for anybody but yourself!" Yuri says in an angry tone. "It's one thing to try and commit suicide but don't think for a second that I'm willing to accept the fact that you did it for me or anyone. I refuse to believe that!"

I look away in shame. "I'm sorry Yuri."

"Are you?" Yuri asks. "How am I supposed to believe you if you still won't tell me what's going on?" Yuri says in a concerned tone. I simply remain silent. Yuri takes a calming breath and places her hand on my cheek. "Please, just tell me what's wrong. I can't stand seeing you like this." She whispers softly.

The pained expression on her face makes my chest tighten. With a heavy sigh I finally speak up. "I see her Yuri." I say in a hushed tone.

Yuri looks at me quizzically. "See who?"

I swallow the lump in my throat and take a breath to steady my voice. "Sayori, ever since she died, I see her in my dreams." Yuri stares at me in horror as I continue. "Sometimes I see her setting up the noose, I'm stuck in place and can only watch as she stands on the chair, as she fastens the noose around her neck, and as she steps off the chair and struggles for air, clawing at her neck to break free. Begging me to help her, yet every time, I'm unable to do anything. I can only watch." Yuri remains silent as tears fall down her face. "Sometimes I see her corpse, staring at me with pale, lifeless eyes. Begging me to help her, asking me why she is so cold, why she can't get warm no matter how hard she tries. And other times I see her staring at me, accusing me of killing her, telling me that it was my fault and that I only bring pain and suffering to those around me." I let out a humorless laugh. "I haven't gotten a full night's sleep in months Yuri, every night I lay in my bed, terrified of what is waiting for me in my dreams." I look down from Yuri's face. "The worst part though, is that she's right. All my life I have done nothing but bring misery to those around me." Yuri tries to retort but I don't let her. "My Mom went through years of abuse and torment and I did nothing to stop it, Sayori wanted nothing but to be my friend and yet I crushed our friendship out of jealousy, and when that wasn't enough I sat back and did nothing as she killed herself, and now…" My voice breaks as I try and suppress the emotions. "Now I'm constantly pushing everyone away, causing you so much pain, I'm tired Yuri, I'm just so tired." I say in a defeated tone. Yuri stares in horror for a few moments, unsure of what to say, or if there is even anything that can be said in this situation. After a moment she slowly embraces me, softly stroking my back in a soothing motion. "It should have been me." I whisper softly. "I'm sorry for taking her away from all of you, it should have been me."

Yuri doesn't respond, she simply kisses the top of my head. With a shaky breath she breaks the silence. "I'm calling your mother, you need help. I'm not taking no for an answer." Yuri says with newfound determination. I don't try and resist, I simply remain silent as Yuri grabs her phone and begins to dial mom's work.

April 18, 2019

I let out a sigh. "And that's about it." I say with a sense of finality.

Mrs. Nakamura nods her head, jotting down the last of her notes before clicking the pen in her hand. She remains silent as her eyes scan over the various lines of words scrawled on her notepad. After my failed attempt at suicide, I was immediately put into a mental health hospital for my own safety. Though it didn't take long for them to realize that I wasn't going to try again, at least not right away. Nakamura is a psychologist that I was assigned to. Despite my protests both Mom and Yuri were able to convince me to go trough with therapy.

Nakamura clears her throat, snapping me out of my train of thought. "and you haven't had anymore suicidal thoughts since then?" She asks.

I simply shake my head. "Not really." I say with indifference.

"And yet your situation hasn't improved at all?"

I nod my head in affirmation. "Nope, still having nightmares every night." I let out a humorless chuckle. "Maybe I'm just insane."

Nakamura shakes her head. "I can assure you, you're anything but insane."

I roll my eyes. "Well isn't that comforting." I let out an angry sigh and stand up from the chair. "So is this what we're going to be doing every week? You'll ask me how I'm feeling, am I having any negative thoughts? Cause if I'm being honest it sounds like a giant waste of my time."

Nakamura doesn't so much as flinch at my rant. "Okay, let me ask you something else then." She gestures to my chair and with a huff I sit back down. She leans forward in her chair and stares me down for a moment. "Do you want to get better?" She asks.

"Of course I do, it's not a matter of wanting to get better, it's the matter of how I'm going to get better. I doubt you have the answer to my situation." I say dismissively.

"Do you want to die?" She asks bluntly.

Her question catches me off guard for a moment but I quickly regain my composure. "Of course not, nobody wants to die."

"And yet you see no other alternative. Your exact words were It needed to be done." Nakamura says while reading from her notebook. I tighten my jaw and remain silent. She lets out a sigh. "Kris, I want to help you, but I can't do that if you won't cooperate."

I sigh in annoyance. "I told you everything, I answered your questions, what more do you want?"

"I don't think you told me everything, this feeling of worthlessness you have developed didn't develop in just a few short months. This seems like it's been festering for a long time. Slowly, until recent events in your life aggravated it to the point where you thought that suicide was the only option." I remain silent as Nakamura matches my stare. "Am I wrong?" she asks. I don't answer, I simply break eye contact and look away. She lets out a sigh and her voice takes on a less confrontational tone. "Okay, we will discard that question for now, I have a different one for you. Was this your first attempt?"

My grip on the chair tightens at her question. I close my eyes and let out a heavy sigh. "Yes and no." I make eye contact and elaborate. "It's kind of complicated, I had a day planned but I never went through with it."

Nakamura leans forward in her chair and presses me further. "Okay, lets start from there. When did this happen?"

"About six months ago."

Nakamura goes over the timeline of events in her head. "So before Sayori's death?"

I wordlessly nod my head.

"So this was before the nightmares then?"

"Yes."

"Okay, start from the beginning, the very beginning. No more lies, no more dancing around the problem. I want you to give me the full uncut story."

I let out a scoff. "And tell me again how this is supposed to help me?" I say once again.

Nakamura gives me a sympathetic smile. "I don't know, you haven't told me anything yet." I roll my eyes at her. "You said you wanted to get better, if that is true then isn't it worth a try?" I remain silent. "You have family and friends who want nothing but to see you get better. To move on past this tragedy." She points her finger at herself. "I want nothing more then to help you get better, but I can't do that if you won't cooperate."

"and if it doesn't work?" I ask hesitantly.

"Then we try something else, and we try again after that. But if we don't do anything, then these nightmares, these troubling thoughts that are plaguing your mind will never go away. Isn't it at least worth a try?" She asks.

I go over her words in my head for a few moments, Nakamura remains silent, giving me time to make a decision. With a defeated sigh I break the silence. "Okay."

Nakamura smiles at me. "Alright then, start from the beginning."

I shrug my shoulders. "That's the problem, I'm not sure where the beginning is."

Nakamura taps her pen on the arm of her chair in thought. "How about when you moved to Japan? You were pretty young, being forced into a foreign culture away from your old friends and family can be a lot for a young child."

I shake my head. "I don't remember much from the United States, I'm not sure if I even had any friends back then, I was pretty young."

"What about family?"

"Mom's parents died before I was born in a car accident, she was an only child so I didn't have any uncles or aunts. Her dad did have a brother but I don't think he was close to Mom. He usually just sent happy birthday or merry Christmas messages on Facebook, nothing more than that."

"And your Fathers side of the family?"

I let out a small laugh. "No clue, I learned at a pretty young age that I was to never bring up Dad's family, if I didn't want to get smacked that is."

Nakamura nods her head. "Okay, and you said that you met Sayori shortly after moving to Japan?"

I smile to myself. "Yeah, I couldn't have been here for more then a few months at most."

Nakamura goes silent for a moment, scanning over her notes from earlier. "What was your father like when you were young? Was he more compassionate?"

I let out a laugh at the thought. "For as long as I can remember he was a drunken ass. He admittedly got worse as time went on, but no, there was never a time where he was compassionate." I say putting emphasis on the word compassionate.

"So these thoughts started at a young age then?"

I shake my head. "No, at the time I was too young to know any better. I just thought that was how life was supposed to be like, don't ask about his family, always say yes sir and no sir, don't cry unless you want something to actually cry about. It was just the way things were. I didn't really notice how bad it was until I started going to Sayori's house." I smile to myself as the memory plays through my head. Nakamura remains silent, giving me her full, undivided attention. "I was probably about eight years old. Sayori and I were play wrestling in her room. And we both happened to slam into her bookshelf." I let out a genuine laugh. "and just this avalanche of books rain down on her. I was laughing my ass off until she started crying. And I could hear her dad asking what happened from the other room." I swallow the lump in my throat, the happiness from the memory quickly fading away. "I remember being so scared for her, I was trying desperately to calm her down, afraid that her dad would hit her if he found her crying. He walks in and I stand up to him and beg him that it was my fault and to not hurt her." I fall silent for a moment, my heart rate increasing steadily as I relive the anxiety from that day. "But he didn't yell at her, he didn't hit her. He soothed her, carried her down stairs and put ice on the bump on her head." I laugh to myself. "it was so bizarre to me, that's when I knew that Sayori's dad was different." I shrug my shoulders. "So I guess if there was a beginning it was then." I stare at Nakamura, waiting for her to barrage me with pointless questions. Instead she simply stares at me, wordlessly urging me to continue. "That's when I noticed the differences between Sayori's home and mine. She had baby pictures all over the wall, she had home videos of her growing up, the whole nine yards. My house had a picture of my parents at their wedding." I roll my eyes. "Probably the only time I saw my dad smiling. The rest of the pictures in the house were purely decorative, no sentimental value whatsoever." My grip on the chair tightens. "There wasn't even any home videos of me, they had a video from their wedding, and some other one of them at the beach, maybe their honeymoon or something I don't know, but nothing for me." I look away from Nakamura as tears threaten to form in my eyes. "No video of me taking my first steps, saying my first words, hell nothing as simple as dancing with my mom to a song or something like that, not a damn thing in that house that related to me growing up existed. Nothing!"

After a moment of silence Nakamura speaks for the first time. "You felt unloved by him."

I let out a humorless laugh. "Not felt, I knew. We still had a video recorder, I found it in the attic one day, while I was trying to find where mom hid the Christmas presents. But instead of taking it to my mom, who would have gladly said yes if I asked to make a home video, I took it to my dad, I was always trying to find some way to win his approval. He simply swatted the video recorder out of my hand, and then I committed one of the worst sins you can commit in his house." I make eye contact with Nakamura. "I cried, like a baby I bawled my eyes out and he grabbed me by the shirt and yelled in my face. "Quit your Goddamn crying before I give you something to actually cry about." Of course that didn't help any." I once again break eye contact and regain my composure, scratching my nails against the arm of the chair. After a moment I continue. "I could go on but you get the idea, it was after that when I realized how bad it was at home. And the more I hung out with Sayori, the more it reminded me of how fucked life was for me and mom."

"And that's why you broke off your friendship with Sayori." Nakamura asks.

A heavy sense of guilt weighs over me at the memory. "Yes, I couldn't stand seeing her parents, her nice house, her cheerful attitude, what started out as bitter jealously transformed into pure resentment. I finally decided I had enough, and I stopped talking to her." I bite my lip to suppress the tears. "For days, hell even weeks she would come over every day, asking if we could hang out or asking me what she did wrong I…" I lapse into silence, my voice on the verge of breaking. "I would just shut the door on her, when I would walk to school, she would wait for me and try and make conversation, I would either ignore her or just flat out tell her to go away." Unable to suppress the tears, I look away from Nakamura entirely, my dad's threatening words still echoing in my mind to this day. "She w-was the nicest p-person in the world, s-she didn't deserve to be t-treated like…like…" I fall silent and punch the arm of the chair in rage, biting down on my fist to calm down. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Nakamura hand me a box of tissues. I shake my head. "Just give me a second." I mutter quietly. She places them on the table between us as I slowly regain my composure. Once I somewhat regain my composure I let out a heavy sigh and continue. "I hoped that separating myself from Sayori, would help me forget, or at least ignore the shitty living conditions I was in."

"But it didn't, did it?" Nakamura asks.

I shake my head. "Not one bit, after years of silence from Sayori, nothing changed, in fact things got worse and I… I decided I had enough." I take a breath to try and relax my nerves. "I dug through my parents closet and found the gun dad had hidden in a box, at the time I convinced myself that it was to keep mom safe, in case he ever tried to hit her again." I shrug my shoulders helplessly. "But I don't know, I guess part of me knew the only person I planned on killing was myself. It wasn't like there was any trace of my existence in the house anyway. Might as well make it official."

"What about your mother?"

I let out a sad sigh. "What about her? She wasn't going to leave him, she kept insisting that he was a good man, most of the arguments they had were because of something I did."

"You blamed yourself for her abuse?"

"Of course I did, see my dad knew that I didn't care if he hit me or yelled at me, especially when I got older. So he would take it out on mom instead, I knew this for a long time yet every chance I got, I would antagonize him, resulting in him yelling or smacking me, which would make mom step up and confront him." I shake my head in annoyance. "She would never stick up for herself, never, but as soon as he came for me, she would be like a lion protecting her cub."

"She was your mother, she wanted to protect you no matter what."

"And I hated her for it, I would constantly ask her why she even put up with him, she would always give the same excuse about him being different, that he could still change, she was in denial." I look up at the ceiling and close my eyes. "After seeing that mom was never going to leave, I don't know I just decided that I had enough. Had a day planned and everything." I let out a bitter laugh. "The night before I start having second thoughts naturally, but after my parents yelled at each other until three in the morning over her accidently spilling a glass of water, well that pretty much erased every doubt in my mind."

Nakamura stares at me as I lapse into silence. "What changed your mind then?" She asks.

I make eye contact with her and shake my head. "I wake up to go to my last day of school, and you would never believe who I see." I let out a long, hearty laugh. "After two years of silence between us, out of all the days she could have talked to me, Sayori comes running up behind me, screaming my name and waving her hands in the air like a crazy woman. As if we were still best friends."

"And that was enough to dissuade you from going through with it?" Nakamura asks.

I smile to myself. "It was, she begged me to join that club of hers and as much as I didn't want to admit it at the time, I had a lot of fun with everyone there. Months of planning and convincing myself to go through with it, erased in a single moment." I shrug my shoulders helplessly. "Guess it was fate."

Nakamura gives me a genuine smile. "She saved your life that day."

I don't smile back at her. "And look at how I repaid her. Not even six weeks later, I sat back and watched her commit suicide."

Nakamura lets out a sigh. "Kris, Sayori's suicide was not your fault."

"See that's where you're wrong, it was supposed to be me. If I had ignored her that day, if I had not taken her up on her offer to visit her club, she would still be alive."

"But you wouldn't be alive."

"I would have gladly died if it meant Sayori would live, she deserved to be happy."

"And you didn't?" Nakamura counters.

I stand up in annoyance and begin pacing the room, unable to sit still. "She deserved it more, she had wonderful parents who loved her with all of their heart, she never, ever abandoned her friends, she was the greatest person I had ever known, and I let her die."

Nakamura lets out a sigh. "You didn't let her die, it was out of your control."

"BULLSHIT!" I yell furiously. "She poured her heart out to me! She told me everything, I had the opportunity to help her but I did nothing. Not a damn thing!"

"You went and checked on her because you were worried, you offered to cancel your plans with Yuri to spend time with her, you offered to have her join you and Yuri, you offered to spend the whole festival with her. Kris, you tried everything to make her feel better. It. Was. Not. Your. Fault." Nakamura declares.

With a huff, I plop back down into the chair, gripping the arm of the chair tightly. "I could have done more, I could have told her parents, or something." I let out a sigh. "In the end it doesn't change the fact that she's dead, and I'm not."

Nakamura leans forward, setting down the notepad and pen. "You're right, nothing will change the fact that she is dead." I make eye contact with her as she continues. "What you're feeling is a form of survivors guilt. You think that you should have been the one to have committed suicide, and If you had done so, Sayori would still be alive. Am I correct so far." I wordlessly nod my head. "Well, what if I were to tell you that you're wrong. Lets say you did ignore Sayori that day, and you had gone through with suicide. How do you think Sayori would have felt?" Nakamura asks.

I shrug my shoulders. "I'm sure she would have been upset, but she would have gotten over it."

Nakamura shakes her head. "And that's where you are wrong. She would be having the exact same thoughts you are right now. Was it something I said, I should have tried harder, what did I do to end our friendship, It should have been me." Nakamura lists all of these on each finger, emphasizing her point. "If Sayori was truly sick like she said she was, then there is no doubt in my mind that she, out of guilt, would have taken her own life, resulting in both of you being dead. Am I wrong in assuming as much?" Nakamura asks. I go to retort but no words come out, her words slowly sink in and, as much as I hate to admit it, they make sense. Nakamura nods her head at my silence. "You have convinced your self that Sayori's suicide was your fault, to the point where your mind refuses to see the truth. You refuse to believe that her death, while tragic, was unavoidable. Sayori's parents, your mother, Monika, Natsuki, Yuri, everyone has moved past this tragedy. Yet you are being held down by this sense of guilt, that's why your constantly haunted by nightmares, it's not because you're insane, it's not her spirit wanting vengeance, it's your sub-conscious constantly reminding you about your guilt. Years of emotional abuse from your father forced you to close off your emotions. You were never allowed to so much as cry, so you shut out everyone around you when you need them the most. The only way you are going to move past this, is to forgive yourself."

I stare at Nakamura for a while, unsure of what to say. I wrack my brain for an answer but nothing comes up. Nakamura remains silent, she is patiently giving me time to go over everything she said. At a loss I simply let out a sigh. "How am I supposed to do that?" I ask helplessly.

Nakamura gives me a sad smile. "That's the tough part, I can tell you all day long that it wasn't your fault but at the end of the day it has to be you and you alone to convince yourself of that fact."

I roll my eyes. "If I was able to do that I would have done so already." I say in an angry tone.

"There is a reason they say we are our own worst enemy. I never said it would be easy, it will be a long difficult process but once you take that first step, the rest will fall into place."

I put my face in my hands and groan. "And where am I supposed to start?" I ask.

Nakamura falls silent for a moment, deep in thought. "Her parents." Nakamura says after a moment.

I furrow my brow in confusion. "What about them?"

"Tell them the truth. Tell them what really happened to Sayori."

I feel my heart skip a beat at the thought. "I-I can't, it's b-been months, they most likely have gotten over it by now, why would I want to reopen the wound." I stutter out.

"That's what I'm talking about, already your mind is making up excuses, I guarantee you they have not gotten over the death of their only child, if anything it will be good for the both of you. You can start to move on and they can finally gain closure on something I'm positive has been eating away at them all of this time."

I stutter on my words and let out a sigh of defeat. "They just gave my mom a job, if I were to tell them now, they would hate me, especially after helping me and mom out so much." I say in a defeated tone.

Nakamura lets out a sigh. "Ask yourself this, are they really the kind of people to do that? Will they really hate you afterwards, is it in their nature?" Nakamura asks.

I smile to myself at the thought. "Probably not, they are too nice for their own good."

Nakamura smiles at me. "Like I said, we are our own worst enemy." Nakamura glances at the clock. "We went over our scheduled time but honestly I think we made a lot of progress." Nakamura points her finger at me. "Talk with them as soon as you can, the longer you wait the harder it will be on you and them." Nakamura begins to write down in her notebook before continuing. "We will meet next week at this same time."

I let out a sigh. "How many weeks will I need to keep coming here?"

Nakamura shrugs her shoulders. "As long as it takes. Your friends and family refuse to give up on you, and so do I. Whether you really have something to get off your chest or if you just want to vent your frustrations at someone for a while, my door is open." Nakamura places her hand on my shoulder and gives me a genuine smile. "You've been through so much, a weaker person would have been broken completely by now, but you're strong. You just don't realize how strong you really are."

I give Nakamura a genuine smile for the first time since I came in. "Thank you, I mean that."

Nakamura nods her head and walks me out of her office. I enter the lobby and meet up with Mom who immediately hugs me upon entering her sight. We begin walking to the bus stop. "How did it go?" Mom asks nervously.

I look her over, she has been a nervous wreck the past few days, because of me. Yet despite everything she still manages to put on a smile, forced as it may be. I smile back at her. "I'll admit it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

A look of relief visibly washes across her face. "That's great. Did it help any?" She asks hesitantly as the bus pulls up and slowly opens it's door.

We board and take our seats, I squeeze moms hand in comfort. "Yeah, I think it did."

She simply smiles and hugs me tightly. I return the embrace as the bus begins it's route. It doesn't take long for us to reach the stop at our neighborhood. After a short walk we reach the house, before entering I spare a glance at Sayori's house next door. A sense of anxiety washes over my entire body, am I really going through with this. My train of thought is broken by my phone's message alert tone. I check and see it's from Yuri. "How did it go today?" I smile at the message and shoot a quick reply. "Better then expected actually." I enter my room and flop into bed, my phone going off once again. "What did you talk about? If you don't mind me asking of course." I smile at Yuri's overly formal way of texting. "I don't mind, but it's too much to type and I'm pretty tired, I'll tell you another time I promise." I set an alarm for the morning, if I am going to talk with Sayori's parents, I'll need to catch them early. My phone goes off yet again. "I understand, I'll let you go to sleep. Good night."

"Good night." I send the message, plugging the charger into my phone in the process and slowly begin to lose consciousness. The anxiety of telling Sayori's parents the truth still wracking my entire body.