A/N: Hello everyone! It's been awhile, I've realized. I apologize for the gap between chapters, and hope everyone enjoys chapter twenty and enjoys the holidays!
It had almost been a week since that evening in the snow, but Diana had held onto every detail of that night as if her life depended on it.
To some, a simple, innocent kiss that led to nothing more would seem trivial, even a childish thing to cherish so much. Despite this, she couldn't help but replay the moment in her mind religiously just about every chance she got. And how could she help it? Jasper, the most gorgeous person she'd ever seen, one of the only people who could make her laugh until her sides hurt, had kissed her. Not only kissed had he her, but he had feelings for her. Jasper could have any woman in the world that he desired. Quite literally anyone. But he had feelings for her. Diana.
It was as if she was dreaming. This sort of thing had never happened to her, at least in her waking hours. One thing was certain. If this was a dream, she most certainly never wanted to wake up.
She and Jasper had fallen into a sort of morning routine. Seeing that her parents generally left for work before she went to school and Carter now took the bus (much to his disgust), Jasper now drove her to school each day, free of the prying eyes of her family.
He had seemed to actually want to spend that extra time with her, and she was finally relieved of the guilt of having Bella drive her to and from school each day, despite her insistence that she wasn't bothered by the slight detour.
The cold air that came along with winter time in Forks meant that Jasper's motorcycle had been temporarily retired in favor of a sleek black car, the brand unfamiliar to her. She was almost sure that this meant that the make was so high class that she wasn't even aware of its existence.
When she had last mentioned the change between vehicles, Jasper deflected the question by teasing her, accusing her of mourning the loss of his motorcycle only because of the opportunity it had provided to wrap herself around him without facing judgement.
Once, he had even gone as far as to tease her by saying motorcycle or not, she was welcome to do so any time the urge struck her.
That had earned him a firm smack on the arm, which, as always, hurt her much more than it did him.
Despite the fact that she was decidedly not a morning person, the morning quickly became her favorite part of the day. She had taken to almost feverishly tending to her appearance in the mornings, reasoning that if she could never look as lovely as he did all the time, she could at least try her best to look decent when she he first saw her each day.
As was the case with every morning, she was hyper aware of the sound of his car rolling into her driveway, and was out the door before he had even had the chance to fully scale the stairs up to her porch.
His eyes lowered quickly to the leather bundle in her arms, recognizing it as his own as soon as he realized the scent of it wasn't human.
"A souvenir?" He asked, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards into one of those half smiles she couldn't help but love.
"I was going to return it." She corrected, grinning at how easily they fell into conversation.
"You wound me," He responded, a hand covering his chest in mock offense, "So eager to be rid of me, all the time."
Even funnier than his reaction was how wrong his statement was. He often had to remind Diana of any prior engagements she had, as she found herself getting lost in his presence quite often.
"Really, though, you can keep it," He said. "I'm sure it looks much better on you, anyways."
"I think you need to make your compliments more realistic," She joked, having no doubt in her mind that she could never and would never be able to surpass Jasper in terms of appearance. "And really?"
"And you need to learn that they are realistic. And yes, really. I've worked up a pretty extensive collection of them over the years, so it's a pretty inconsequential sacrifice to make for your health." He said, gesturing to the snow blanketing the world around them.
"I'm not that frail." She insisted. Jasper had been trying to get to know the limitations of humans better recently, and always seemed to err on the side of caution, generally disregarding her instances of being less fragile than he thought. "And thank you."
"Are you sure you aren't the vampire here?" he asked as she shut the front door behind her, referencing her uncanny ability to realize his arrival before he had the chance to make himself known.
"I'm pretty sure. It would be pretty boring for a vampire to have been born in nineteen eighty-seven, though."
Just as she was about to step down the snow-covered stairs, Jasper surprised her by lifting her with one arm, pulling her front side flush to his hip as he lifted her over the stairs, which were fairly hazardous to her in his mind.
Flushing at the sudden close proximity that she wasn't quite prepared for, Diana nearly stuttered on her own words, still shaken by the fact that he could absentmindedly lift her with one arm without a hint of strain.
"I've survived this long, you know. I don't think an icy patch would be the end of me."
"With your luck, I'd prefer not to take the chance."
She couldn't really argue with that, though she would certainly try. Before she had the chance, though, Jasper spoke again as he set her down, a grimace clear on his face.
"Nineteen eight-seven, my God," He groaned in complaint. "You're a child. A literal infant. You were born about fifteen minutes ago, in my mind."
"If I'm an infant, wouldn't that make you a pedophile?" Diana questioned, quirking a brow, grinning at the suggestion that he was sure to dislike.
Sure enough, his grimace deepened as his hands quickly rose to cover his ears.
"I really try my best not to think of it like that." He said, disgust clear on his face as he opened the passenger side door for her.
He was within his own seat within an instant, something Diana wasn't sure she'd ever get used to.
"Eh, it's not so bad, anyways," She started, laughing at his discomfort. "What's the age difference, anyways? One hundred thirty something?"
"One hundred forty three years," He replied without missing a beat.
"Wow, you've really considered this," She said, impressed at his quick response.
"Haven't you?" He said simply as they left her driveway.
"Fair point. Though definitely not as extensively as you have."
"Well, I do have about twelve extra hours of free time in comparison to you."
There was a moment of silence as Jasper seemed pensive. "Does it bother you? Me being so old, I mean."
She had thought this over before, but had always come to the same conclusion. "I mean, its something, you know, different, but so is all of this," She said, gesturing between the two of them. "And besides, neither of us can really help when we were born, can we?"
He hummed in agreement, being impressed by her acceptance of him for what was not the first time.
"I do have a question, though."
"Anything you'd like to know, I'll answer."
He said this rather often, though he always prayed that she would not ask anything of a particularly sensitive topic. Despite her acceptance of him, he still feared her knowing the full extent of his difficulty maintaining his diet, or knowing how he spent his early years of vampirism. He knew that she'd find out eventually, one way or another, but the longer she wasn't disgusted by him was ideal in his mind.
He selfishly wanted to maintain a certain image to her, one that she could trust and even grow to care for. He feared that if she knew everything about him, the soft spot she seemed to have for him at the insistence of the of their bond would diminish.
Much to his gratitude, her question was simple. "When you turn into a vampire, do you keep growing until you're mature? Or like, say if you were like, ten when you were turned, would you stay that age?"
"When turned, you're frozen instantly in that moment. The only changes you'll go through is the obvious general transformation, and then you're sort of perfected."
"Perfected?"
"You're made into something other than human, in a way. It's meant to make you more alluring so that you can-"
He spared a glance at her, realizing the disturbing nature of the reason for the physical change.
"Well, you know. Draw people in easily. It happens as you die, though, so it was a rather jarring thing to wake up to. "
His words left her to her imagination, but she understood well enough that it was a sort of predatory advantage. More than that, though, she was set on edge by his casual reference of his own death. She knew that he wasn't alive, per se, and realized that he had to have stopped living in order to become a vampire, but she had never really considered it so literally.
Jasper, the man who had made such a significant difference in her life, who she'd grown increasingly fond of, as much as she teasingly denied it. The thought of Jasper having a heartbeat that ceased, the thought of his once warm skin growing cold, the thought of his bright eyes dimming in death brought a distinct pain to her chest that nearly knocked the air from her lungs.
She reached over, pulling his right hand from the steering wheel clutching in with her own, uninhibited by any sort of bashfulness that usually affected her.
Jasper was surprised by her bluntness, furrowing his brows when he felt the change in her aura.
"What's wrong?" He asked worriedly, sparing a quick glance at their joined hands, which now rested atop her leg.
"I mean, I guess a part of me knew you had to die to be here now, but, thinking about it, I-"
Her voice died out as she simply shook her head, her jaw clenched at the thought. She held his hand tighter, as if she could protect him from a past that had already happened.
He couldn't help but smile slightly, touched that she seemed to care for him enough to be so bothered by something she couldn't change.
"Hey," He called softly, turning to look at her fully.
He wasn't quite able to go on, though, as she stiffened, looking wide eyed at the road, her grip on his hand increasing significantly, her knuckles going white.
Her voice came out in a low stutter, and he was almost sure that she was clutching his hand with all of her strength.
"J-Jasper, look at the road please-"
"Vampires don't really need to pay attention while driving, you know. I could do this with my eyes closed."
Not feeling her reaction change and noting her unblinking gaze on the road, he shrugged before returning his attention to driving. He knew that humans were supposed to be jumpy about that sort of thing, but he figured that she'd trust his heightened instincts at this point.
He brushed it off as he felt her relax, though her heart still thrummed a little quicker than it normally tended to.
"Well, as I was saying, dying doesn't seem so bad these days. If I hadn't when I did, I wouldn't have been able to meet you." He winked at her, which was something that usually drew a laugh from her. He had hoped it would pull her from the brief fear she'd experienced as his attention strayed from the road.
He was successful, as she couldn't quite help but grin at his cheesiness.
"Can I ask something else?"
He hummed in affirmation, glad that he'd been able to bring her attention back.
"How did you die?"
Even she could feel the tension in the car shift. Jasper seemed to pause, unmoving for a time. He wasn't sure if he was fully ready to go into his entire past with her yet. He wanted nothing more than to spend more time with her like this, where he didn't have to relive the years of misery he'd spent purposeless. More than that, he didn't want to see her outlook on him change so quickly. He didn't want to see her growing feelings towards him be snuffed out by the knowledge of his extensive sins.
"You don't have to tell me." Diana interrupted his thoughts. "You know, if it's upsetting."
"No, it's alright," He said, his attention now overly focused on the road in front of him as he considered how to word things without delving too deep in the early years of his life.
"It's a little difficult to explain," he began. "Everyone in my family, except for Carlisle, was turned only in order to save their lives. Well, we don't know about Alice, to be fair. She can't quite remember anything prior to waking up a vampire. But everyone else, they were all changed at the last possible moment, after every other option was exhausted."
From his peripheral, he could see her aptly paying attention, lingering onto his every word. Where Jasper would answer most of her general questions, it wasn't often that she got a glimpse into something that was so personal to him.
"Everyone except for me, I suppose. It was eighteen sixty-three, if I remember correctly. So I was nineteen at the time when I was-" he tested out the proper terms in his mind before finishing his sentence. "Well, murdered, I suppose."
Diana's eyes widened as she subconsciously held his cool hand tighter. "Murdered?"
"I mean, it certainly wasn't to benefit me," He said, and for the first time ever, Diana could detect a sort of bitterness in his voice. "I was simply present at an inopportune moment, I suppose. She just felt like it."
As she saw the tension within his jaw, she saw a side of Jasper she'd scarcely seen before. He was still Jasper, yes, the same wise-cracking vampire that had been by her side for the past few months, but there was something different. If she looked close enough, she thought she could almost see some sort of vulnerability. Such a thing seemed nearly impossible, though. Jasper had a nearly constant calm appearance, something she had only seen slip in Port Angeles and during the accident the previous month.
"Was it...painful?" She didn't want to push him to speak of things he didn't want to, but the questioned slipped out almost without her permission.
"Excruciating. More so than you could imagine."
Without even considering, she raised his hand to her lips, placing a tender kiss on his cool skin. The tension he had been inadvertently radiating throughout the car seemed to ebb away, replaced by his surprise at her sudden, uncharacteristic display of affection.
His staggered expression gave way to a warmer, more tender expression that made her cheeks warm as she cleared her throat, diverting her gaze from his, staggered by the genuine fondness behind his eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."
Jasper chuckled as she focused on the glove compartment in front of her, her eyes refusing to shift in embarrassment of her own boldness and the softness within his face. Her cheeks had steadily gained color until he couldn't even pretend to not be entertained by it.
"You didn't. I just wish that you'd never had to go through that."
"It wasn't...a good time, but like I said, it brought me to you, so maybe it was for the best."
She knew that something as easy as that shouldn't have made her stomach flutter in the way it did, but she couldn't quite help it. She was almost sure that he did these things on purpose, especially when she saw his poorly concealed grin.
"You're evil, you know."
He couldn't help but agree sometimes, though in a more serious way than she meant it. That idea hardly had time to resonate in his mind though, since Diana offered the most exquisite distractions from such things. Before he could get lost in dark thoughts, her warm voice always broke through the shadowy corners of his mind that threatened his consciousness.
The best part about that, in his mind, was that she didn't even realize it. His family often did the same things, but she didn't consciously save him from his inner musings. It was just her. The way she naturally seemed to suit him perfectly in every way still floored him sometimes. He wondered if she wondered why things were so easy between them, if she hadn't realized yet that they were intentionally perfectly tailored to each other.
"And how is that?" He asked, playfully avoiding her gaze.
"You plan out the things you say just to get a rise out of me, don't deny it."
"Have you considered that you're just so enamored with me that I needn't even try to fluster you?" He often liked to blatantly tease her in such ways, watching the signs of her nervousness increase tenfold. "Either way, you've no evidence for your point."
"Your smugness is all the evidence I need. Also, Needn't? Your inner old man is coming out."
"While we're on the topic," He began as they entered the Forks High school parking lot, "If I'm creepy for my feelings towards you, then you may be even creepier for your feelings towards someone who, well, someone who isn't quite alive, per se."
She wrinkled her nose in disgust, dramatically pretending to gag. "I do not consider you in that way."
"I do hit all the major checkpoints, you know. No heartbeat, no blood flow, cold…"
"Wait, your heart doesn't beat?"
"Not the last time I checked, no."
She disentangled their hands, splaying her palm against his chest.
"You know, you seem to find ways to touch me inappropriately quite often. You really can just ask me to-"
"You really don't." She remarked, wishing she could keep her hand in place for only a moment longer without proving his constant teasing correct.
"Not since nineteen," he said as he effortlessly backed into his usual parking spot, not even bothering to look back as he did so.
"And no blood?" She questioned as she climbed from her seat, earning a disapproving look from Jasper for not waiting for him to open the passenger side door for her.
He shook his head as he was instantly by her side. Jasper usually arrived at her house early, ensuring that they would be able to get to school significantly before anyone else, allowing them a little more time alone. As he reached for her hand, she was taken aback by the fact that it was radiating warmth.
"How are you warm?" She asked, incredulously.
"Heated steering wheels save lives," He said simply with a grin before answering her previous question as he lead her to their favorite spot on campus. "And no, no blood."
"But you've said before that you can be injured, so how does that work?"
"Remember that time you told me I felt like marble? Its like that. We can chip or break entirely, but we can heal very quickly. Just last month, for example, I accidentally, well-" He seemed to try his best to phrase his next sentence, though he failed miserably. "Detached Emmett's arm from his body. Accidentally."
"You ripped his arm off?"
"Accidentally!"
"How on earth did you do that?"
"Have I stressed that it was accidentally? And it was for good reason!"
"If it was for good reason, that doesn't sound like you did it accidentally." She accused as she sat down on the large root of the tree that she and Jasper had first shared lunch under all those weeks ago.
"It was for both, let me explain. In a way, you're to blame as well."
"Me? I've never ripped anyone's arm off before."
"Well, not literally, but you were involved. Remember that jumping in front of a haywire vehicle stunt you pulled?"
She cringed at his chastising tone. "It's a little blurry, actually. I'd blame it on the head trauma."
He sighed, a hand reaching up to massage his forehead at the pure stress the girl beside him had put him through. He sat beside her as he explained further.
"Yes, well that. He'd grabbed me to make sure that I wouldn't run to you, because if you or Bella had started bleeding, well, you know. He was right to do so, but in my panic, his arm just sort've-" He trailed off, making a vague snapping motion with his hands.
"Oh." She said simply, not quite sure of what to say. She was taken aback, in a way, that he had put himself under so much strain at the prospect of her being in danger. "I guess it's lucky that nobody had stopped Edward, then."
"Rosalie tried, actually. He's quite resistant to the scent of blood, but we still aren't meant to make a spectacle of ourselves. I am extremely thankful that he managed to slip past her, though, for obvious reasons." He said, gently grabbing her leg nearer to him and draping it over his knee comfortably.
"I'm sure she regrets him slipping past her," She said, not having missed the lingering glares Jasper's twin had sent her in the hallway anytime they'd crossed paths.
Alice had never been anything but overly kind to her, and Edward maintained polite conversation with her whenever she ended up inadvertently third wheeling with him and Bella. Even Jasper's more intimidating brother, Emmett, who she'd never spoken to, would occasionally acknowledge her existence with a nod whenever they happened to meet eyes.
"Hm. Maybe so," Jasper said, considering the possibility of that statement. "She'll warm up to you eventually. Probably."
His tone didn't instill much confidence within her.
"Even so, I think I care for you enough to make up for her."
"Oh?" She said, surprised at his sudden flirtation.
"I'm quite sure, actually," He hummed, leaning in and kissing her upon the lips. Things were different this time, she was able to see his advancement towards her, her breath escaping her before he had even come too close. The kiss he gave was not quite so feverish as the last time, but slow and gentle. There seemed to be a somehow increased sense of meeting behind it, and she couldn't tell if it was his ability or her own self that sent a spike of adoration through her chest. It had taken her to get past a moment frozen in order to reciprocate, her lips moving cautiously against his as she leaned closer, a task made easier by her leg having been casually placed over his.
He pulled away in what was far too soon in her opinion, and couldn't help but chuckle at her dazed expression. She could feel that her face had become hotter than it probably ever had.
"I've never heard it move so quick," He said, amused as he gingerly tapped over her heart. "Had your boyfriend never kissed you like that before?"
"I've never had a boyfriend, actually." She said simply, not quite trusting her voice to say more.
"No? Why's that?" He asked, taken aback by her confession.
Even had he not thought she was the most gorgeous girl he'd ever seen because of their bond, he definitely would have considered her attractive either way. He'd felt the raging hormones of teenaged boys each time he had gone through high school, and found it hard to believe that nobody had eagerly snatched her up.
"The chance never arose, I suppose." She said. Truthfully, she had never really gotten into the dating scene after her sister's death, or the social scene in general. It wasn't a lie, in all technicalities, so she hoped Jasper wouldn't sense her only partial answer.
"I find that rather hard to believe. Well, either way, you'd never been kissed that way by a non-boyfriend?"
As embarrassing as the confession seemed, she thought it rather endearing that Jasper doubted that she was quite literally untouched in any sense of the term.
"I've only ever been kissed in the way I was on- Sunday, was it?"
After only a slight moment of consideration, his eyes went wide as saucers as he understood what she was saying.
"That was-? Your first? Ever?"
"Mhm," she began, nodding. "Well once, in the seventh grade, Chris Thompson tried to kiss me at my birthday party, but I slapped him before he got the chance. To this day, that was the only time I ever got grounded. My parents said that they were only disappointed at how violently I chose to stop him, though I think my Dad was secretly proud."
She was interrupted by the sound of Jasper groaning, his head in his hands. She blushed in embarrassment, realizing that maybe she shouldn't have so willingly told him about her lack of male attention in the past. He must have felt that embarrassment, though, as he waved a hand towards her.
"No, no it's not that," He said, straightening from his position. "A part of me is actually sort of selfishly glad in a way."
That was an understatement. He was actually immensely pleased that no other man had had the opportunity to have her as his, but he wasn't going to admit to that right now. He couldn't quite believe her inexperience, not only because of how beautiful he thought she was. Times were different now than they had been in his heyday, and relationships were much more...advanced. He had even wondered if she had fully, truly been with another man in the past, but had never expected the extent of her inexperience.
"I was just so...brutish about it. I'm afraid I let my own desire get in the way of acting like a proper gentleman. If I had known it was all your first...well everything, I would have acted with much more caution, so I apologize for that."
She was quite surprised at his apology, as she thought that it was quite obvious that she'd enjoyed herself immensely both times he had kissed her.
"There's no need to apologize, Jasper. I mean, I- you know, definitely didn't mind."
He couldn't help but chuckle. "Things are so different from my time, I even assumed that you might have, well, you know. That there was a possibility that you were quite experienced."
Unfortunately she didn't know. Jasper's chivalrous manner forced him to speak of such things extremely vaguely in her presence. Where he certainly wasn't shy in teasing her, he figured that a true discussion of such things was different.
It took Diana a moment to draw a meaning from his suggesting eyes, but when she did, her eyes widened.
"Oh! Oh God, no, I haven't, you know, that hasn't-"
How the hell had she ended up on the subject of virginity with Jasper? She couldn't close the topic fast enough, in her opinion
Thankfully, he simply nodded in understanding as she breathed a sigh of relief. She had been praying that she wouldn't be forced to form a coherent sentence on the topic.
"Huh." Jasper truly seemed to struggle to grapple with the idea as he held his jaw. "Have you been on a date before?"
Diana took a moment to consider this question, but concluded that a movie with a group of friends and a guy she had liked in freshman year didn't really count, as much as she had wished that it did at age fourteen.
"No, I guess I haven't." The level of surprise Jasper showed nearly made her self conscious at her own inexperience, as he most certainly thought of her as an absolute child with this new information.
His hand ran through his blonde hair as he spoke. "Oh dear, I've truly been trying my very hardest to tarnish your honor, haven't I?"
Before she had the chance to assure him that her honor was far from tarnished by the standards of this decade, he spoke again.
"Well, I'll have to remedy that."
The girl beside him quirked a brow in surprise.
"Well, I had figured that you'd grown accustomed to the dating standards of this age, but now...I want to court you properly. I mean, that was my intention before anyways, but now it seems all the more important."
"Court me?"
He nodded. "I intend to show you how a lady is meant to be treated, by my standards, anyways. And maybe I can convince you that I'm not so much of a barbarian as I'd led you to believe."
She laughed, not even bothering to remind him that she'd never thought that in the first place.
"And what exactly might that entail?"
He turned his head as he heard the warning bell before first period toll, before turning to Diana and offering his arm, much more dramatically than was necessary.
"Well, you're just going to have to wait and see, aren't you, darlin'?"
A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed! And remember to leave a review!