Chapter 20
Quite some time had passed since Shinji Ikari's short but decisive battle against Zeus. While he was never forgotten, time plays no favorites, and did not stop to allow the people who loved him most to mourn his loss. Lives still had to be lived, work needed to be done. Misato Katsuragi was still in charge of NERV and was now down to one functional Eva and two emotionally tortured pilots. Misato was also still very much the guardian of a heartbroken girl at home who had all but crawled back into that cement fortress she'd erected so many years ago. The only reason Misato Katsuragi hadn't cried for Shinji more than she had was because she just didn't have the time too.
Misato found it difficult to decide who took Shinji's loss worse, Asuka or Rei… Asuka would've been the obvious choice if the other option had been anyone else other then Rei Ayanami. With the loss of the person she'd come to consider her brother, she lost the only person she still had any attachment too in this world. It was his perception of her that willed Rei to think of herself as a human being, and more than just some science experiment created to fulfill the will of Shinji's late father. Everything she'd striven to become since she had met Shinji, she'd been guided to do through Shinji's encouragement and his belief that she could be so much more than what those who had created her intended her to be.
Seeing Rei Ayanami show any kind of emotion was rare, and often times disturbing due to her blunt and often misguided paths she took to explore those emotions. To see Rei Ayanami crawl into the fetal position and ball her eyes out felt like something out of the twilight zone. Misato was concerned enough that she put Rei on suicide watch for several weeks, but fortunately, Rei never showed any signs of doing anything stupid. It would be a long time before Rei was right in the head again, or at least as right in the head as Rei was capable of being.
Asuka was a total beast to wrangle. All the progress she had made personally since arriving in Tokyo 3 was instantly undone with the death of Shinji Ikari. She more or less reverted back to the way she had been when she had first met Shinji, though maybe not quite as obnoxious or rude. Still, she shut everyone out, even Misato and Hikari. Like good Guardians and good best-friends do though, Asuka's support circle stayed patient and eventually worked their way back into Asuka's life. Over the years, Asuka would gradually move into the light. She would even learn to stop resenting Shinji for leaving her, and would even come to appreciate what he'd sacrificed for her… She would never quite be able to bring herself to forgive him completely though for not being there with her. It wasn't an easy road Asuka had been on while adjusting herself into a stable lifestyle. That road had taken her into some dark places, and she'd done some things she wasn't proud of. As fate often dictated though, it was when things looked their bleakest that Asuka would first lay her eyes on the light that would once again fill her life with purpose. She would name that light Kasumi Amelia Soryu. That small child brought back the purpose in Asuka's life that she'd lost with Shinji gone, and Eva no longer nearly as important to her as it once was.
Asuka wasn't the only person whose life was influenced by little Kasumi… She would quickly become the glue that held Asuka's little extended family together… And not that one in Germany either. It wasn't like Asuka hadn't tried to salvage some form of relationship with them either. She had even moved back to Germany shortly after finding out she was pregnant, not even so much to reconnect with her Father and step-family, as just for the change of scenery. She was still in a dark place at the time, and getting away from that place with all the bitter memories seemed the logical choice to make. As much as Asuka loved her homeland, it took less than a month for her to realize there was nothing there for her… Her so-called family had changed little, and while there was some interest in welcoming the first grandchild into the world, that interest was limited and didn't really extend to Asuka herself. Sometimes you have to go home to realize where home actually is… So she left Germany behind for good, still hasn't gone back to this day, and returned to where she felt he belonged. That small select group of people that had drawn Asuka back had splintered some, but Kasumi's birth helped to patch up whatever holes had been made in those relationships. Asuka's 'family' revolved around Kasumi, and Asuka often joked that it was like the girl had four mothers or at least three heavily involved aunts. Hikari and Misato, there was no surprise there. Asuka had little doubt they'd fight over who was going to take custody of her if anything ever happened to Asuka.
Rei on the other hand, was a total surprise. From the first time Rei held Kasumi as a baby, she fell in love with her. While Asuka and Rei never became what you would call friends, they did at least learn to tolerate each other primarily for Kasumi's sake. There was little doubt in Asuka's mind that Rei adored the girl, and Kasumi practically worshiped the woman she used to call Auntie Rei when she was younger. Oh, how quickly those days come and go… Before you know it days, weeks, and months have gone by… Months turn into years, years then to decades and so on… It just didn't seem right to Asuka when Kasumi had started High School earlier that year… Asuka was still coming to grips that Kasumi was no longer that little red-headed baby who could barely waddle two steps without falling on her face. Today in particular was a tough day for any mother struggling with her little one growing up. Today was her little girl's birthday, and as it was every year, it was going to be a festive day at the Soryu household.
Asuka hummed contently as she stood over the stove in her kitchen, working on a German style breakfast, Kasumi's favorite. Asuka wasn't the best cook in the world, but over the years she had taught herself well enough to become serviceable. A knock at the door briefly broke her out of her trance like focus on her task at hand. "The doors unlocked, come on in!"
A head of lavender hair poked inside the doorway, and its owner waved at Asuka upon seeing her at work in the kitchen. The years had been kind to Misato Katsuragi, so kind in fact that it kind of pissed Asuka off a little. Not many women in their 40's still looked almost as good as they did at half that age. The stray wrinkle or two that popped up on her face only served to make her look more distinguished. Asuka really didn't have the right to complain however… She herself still looked like she was in her early 20's… It turned out that one of the strange side effects of LCL was that it slowed or could even stunt the aging process. Numerous tests Asuka had been subjected to by NERV even proved that her vital organs and such were consistent with those of someone half her age. Now, as to how stunted the aging process had become, or if it would extend Asuka's life at all, was still unknown. They wouldn't know until Asuka lived long enough to test the theories the various NERV scientists had cooking. Asuka only needed to look at Rei to satisfy her own feelings on the matter. Rei hadn't aged much either, maybe even less than Asuka herself. Thankfully, neither looked so young that they could be mistaken for children.
"Morning Asuka… Look what I found lurking in the halls."
"Oh Please," said a women who vaguely resembled Asuka's class representative in middle school, and throughout most of High School, as she pushed passed Misato and into the modest-sized apartment. Following close behind her, was a tall young man who bowed politely to Misato, who smiled in returned. "Sneaking about isn't my style… If I'm not welcome somewhere, I simply wouldn't be there."
"Hikari, I wasn't expecting you so early!" Asuka abandoned the stove momentarily to greet the woman who had gone from being her best friend in Japan to likely the best friend she'd ever had in her life, wrapping her in a warm hug.
"Yeah… We weren't going to drop by until later, but somebody was impatient," Hikari snickered pointing her thumb in the direction of the boy who seemed to be trying to hide behind her, which was difficult considering he was slightly taller than she was. "Weren't we Shin?"
"It has nothing to do with patience Mom… You're the one who suggested I distract Kasumi while you guys set up for the party, remember?" The boy explained in manner reminiscent of his mother back in her class-rep days.
"Which you could've done this afternoon like we planned, but somebody just couldn't wait to see Kasumi."
"Whatever…" the boy groaned crossing his arms, now looking more like his father. Asuka leered at him with an evil grin, seizing on an opportunity she just couldn't pass up. She just loved messing with the boy.
"That's so sweet of you Shin. You've always been so considerate to our little Kasumi… You do such a fine job looking after her."
"It's… It's not how you make it sound Ms. Soryu! I just um…" Asuka laughed as Shin's cheeks went blood red, and she took that as her cue to lighten up on the boy. She found him adorable when he was flustered. He was his mother made over in a lot of ways. He was tall and had an athletic build like this father… There were times when Asuka still couldn't believe Hikari actually married that Suzahara idiot, but at least Toji had become less insufferable as matured… No, as he aged, matured wasn't the right word at all. Everything else about young Shin though, came almost exclusively from his mother. He had her face minus the freckles, her mannerisms, her sense of duty, as well as being responsible, extremely well-mannered, and no-nonsense… Except for where Kasumi was concerned which had earned him excessive teasing at the hands of both his mother and Asuka.
"We know, we know… You guys are just friends, and there's nothing secretly going on between you two. We promise, we believe you…" Asuka cracked, as she returned to the stove. "And for the millionth time Shin, call me Asuka. You've literally lived almost half your life under my roof, so this Ms. Soryu crap couldn't be more redundant."
"Yes Ma'am… I'll try to remember that," Shin agreed, slightly horrified. Calling a respected elder by her first name just seem so unforgivably improper to the courteous well-mannered boy.
"Shin, why don't you go wake Kasumi up, so hopefully she'll actually be semi-conscious once her mother is finished fixing her breakfast," Hikari suggested to her son. He nodded, and then walked the familiar path down the hall to his oldest friend's bedroom.
While Hikari placed a few party necessities on the table, including Kasumi's gift from her and Toji, Misato lurked up behind Asuka as she worked the stove. "You're actually cooking her breakfast? You wouldn't want to poison the poor girl on her birthday now would you?"
Asuka glared at her surrogate mother, spatula in hand as if she was debating smacking her former guardian in the face with it. "Are you suggesting that I can't prepare a proper meal for my own daughter on her birthday?"
"Well, there's a first time for everything." Misato laughed as Asuka growled at her, before placing a hand on Asuka's shoulder. "Just messing with you… What can I help out with?"
"Don't drink all the beer before the party for starters," Asuka joked as Misato rolled her eyes. "Seriously though, if you could set the table that would be great.
"Will do Commander Soryu sir!"
After knocking on her door twice and getting no response, Shin decided the heck with it, and let himself into Kasumi's bedroom. It wouldn't be the first time after all. Kasumi was as aware as anyone that she slept like a hibernating bear. Shin entered the room cautiously. He immediately smirked and shook his head at the sight of his childhood friend sprawled out on the bed. Arms and legs were going everywhere, some of those limbs dangling off the queen sized bed. Shin could not deny that she looked adorable when she slept.
"HCKKK…ZZZZ" Kasumi snored, completely destroying Shin's image of the peaceful snoozing angel, replaced by an image of Kasumi chasing him through the forest with a chainsaw. Shaking his head again, he reached down and tried shaking her shoulder, hoping to pry the girl out of the realm of sleep. The first attempt resulted in some grumbly protests, but on the second try and after a steady 'wake up' from Shin, her eyes finally began to open. Slowly they focused on her closest friend, which did not disturb her, seeing as Shin had served as her alarm clock on numerous occasions.
"Good morning…" the red-headed teen smirked wickedly. "You didn't break into my room to try and take advantage of me while I slept did you?"
"Not even funny… Actually, I stopped by to wish you a happy birthday… And make sure you didn't sleep through it."
"My birthday… That's right…" Kasumi sat up in her bed and tried to stretch the post-sleep stiffness away. There was no denying that Kasumi was Asuka's daughter. She was a carbon copy of her mother at that age only with shorter hair down to her shoulder blades, and her eyes were a darker shade of blue. Kasumi was also much better adjusted than her mother was at fifteen, as Kasumi didn't have to suffer through the trauma her mother had when she was young. "Hmm… Something smells good."
"Your Mom is making you breakfast. You could at least show your appreciation by being awake and ready to eat when she's finished slaving over the stove for you."
"Gimme a break, I'm plenty appreciative," Kasumi yawned, then that wicked grin returned. "So, what did you get me?"
"I'm not telling. You'll just have to wait until your party tonight." Shin crossed his arms trying to look the picture of discipline, which Kasumi thought made him look like a doofus so she laughed about it, causing the boy to grimace.
"Oh come on… Please tell me! You know you can't keep a secret from me anyway," Kasumi teased, but stopped when she noticed her friend blushing faintly and looking away from her. This annoyed her to some degree. "What's wrong? What's with that look on your face?"
"Sorry it's just… You're not decent…" Shin pointed, prompting Kasumi to look down and remember what she'd worn to bed last night. A white tank-top and a pair of, I didn't know they made shorts that short, shorts. Not a real big deal in Kasumi's mind, but to straight-laced Shin, she guessed she might as well have be wearing a dominatrix outfit with her all her worst parts hanging out, or best parts depending on how you looked at it. Unable to resist the temptation, Kasumi pounced.
"Oh isn't that just sweet… The gallant Shinji Suzahara can't handle the sight of a half-naked girl sitting on a bed. Don't be so uptight about it! It's alright if you like what you see… I won't be mad. Hell, I'll take my top off and let you get a good look at 'em if you'd like."AHh
"That's alright, I can survive without seeing your chest," Shin gulped, now red as a tomato.
"Come on, just look at them already!" Kasumi pressured as she took of her top and tossed it in Shin's face. "Please, I want you too! It's my birthday, so you have to do whatever I want!"
"That's not exactly how it works! And why the heck would your birthday wish be for me to see you're…" Shin had pulled the tank-top off his face, stopped briefly, and nearly panicked when he realized he accidentally looked… And saw Kasumi was wearing a white sports bra, and was grinning wryly at him.
"Gotcha…" Kasumi purred. Shin responded with an agitated grunt, but still wouldn't look in her direction. While a bra was better than a bare-chest, it was still worse than the white tank that initially made him so uncomfortable. "You really know how to wreck a girl's self-esteem Shinji," she fake pouted. "What guy turns down a chance to see any part of a girl naked? You must think I'm just hideous to look at, and making that fact so clear on my birthday of all days."
"Oh please," Shin humphed at Kasumi's act… Then he said something completely unintended. "There's nothing hideous about you. You're gorgeous and you know that as well as I…"
Shin lost the ability to speak once he realized what he was saying. With the way Kasumi was grinning at him, you would've figured she had planned for him to slip up that way all along. "You're damn right I do… Now get out of my room so I can change! I'd offer for you to stay and watch, but your nose would probably bleed out all over the carpet… So scam!"
"I'm going, just please get some clothes on!" With that, the poor embarrassed boy fled the room.
"He's been in there an awfully long time," Misato teased Asuka as she placed the food on the table. "Should we pop our heads in and make sure he's not giving her an early birthday present?"
"Inappropriate Misato," Asuka scolded her former Guardian. "They're just teenagers. Besides, Shin is the kind of boy you can trust spending time alone with your daughter. He would never try to force himself on her."
"I know that as well as you do but… What about Kasumi?"
Asuka thought about it, and answered honestly with a slightly amused smirk. "She's the kind of girl who could convert a boy like Shin in a heartbeat if she decided she wanted to push it. That's not going to happen anytime soon though. Those two haven't even reached the point yet where they can admit that they're more than friends."
Feeling as if his ears were on fire, Shin picked that time to enter the kitchen, a light blush still on his cheeks. The three women in the room with him didn't even have to wonder about what happened. Hikari and Asuka exchanged knowing smiles.
A couple of minutes later, Kasumi emerged from her room, appropriately dressed, and about squealed at the sight of one of her favorite meals spread out on the table. She already knew what was being served, the aroma was unmistakable, but that didn't seem to damper her excitement. Small chunks of conversation broke out between the five parties as they enjoyed their meal.
"Hmm… This is really good Mom. I would've been happy with simply edible though considering…"
"Excuse me?..." Asuka's eyes narrowed. "Every meal I've ever prepared for you has been edible. I think I hold my own in the kitchen just fine, thank you very much."
"That's a matter of perspective I suppose," Kasumi continued to tease. "I would say it's more like every other meal is edible, and at least half of those don't taste like they were seasoned with ingredients pulled fresh out of the dumpster."
"If you're not careful, you're next meal will be coming out of the dumpster," her mother countered, though knowing not to take Kasumi's playful bashing of her cooking too seriously. Kasumi was her mother's daughter after all. "Good to see you're nice and feisty this morning."
"We still have quite a bit of work to do for the party," Hikari interjected, taking Kasumi's teasing a bit more seriously than the others. "Do you have anything special planned for this morning?"
Kasumi looked hesitant, but did answer, blushing faintly. "I have a little ritual I do on my birthday ever year, so I'll be taking care of that first thing."
"A ritual hey? What kind of ritual might that be?" Hikari asked, curious.
"I'm sorry, but that's private. Don't go asking Shin either. Yes he knows, since he usually goes with me, but he's sworn to secrecy." Kasumi glanced in her friend's direction. "Or else…" Shin gulped, but otherwise tried to look excessively attentive to his breakfast.
"Oh, so you're keeping secrets from us now, are we Kasumi? You're not getting my son involved in anything unseemly are you?" Kasumi smirked, and continued eating rather than placating her god-mother's prodding. "Asuka, help me out here. What is she?…" Hikari turned to her friend for support, but stopped when she recognized that Asuka looked extremely uncomfortable. She assumed it must have something to do with whatever Kasumi's plans were. She looked to Misato who just shrugged her shoulders, as she was just as in the dark as Hikari.
What remained of breakfast passed in an awkward silence that had no place at a dining table that included a young girl celebrating her fifteenth birthday. There came a point when Kasumi just couldn't stand the tension anymore and decided to pull her mother aside for a private chat. "Mom, just tell me if you're not okay with me going… If you don't want me to go, I'll stay home and visit him another time…"
"No, no, there's no reason for you to do that…" Asuka dismissed, though that's exactly what she wished her daughter would do. "As much as I'd love to keep my little girl all to myself today, you do have the right to see your father on your birthday if that's what you want…"
"Thank you Mom," Kasumi whispered, as she pulled her mother into a hug. She knew what a sore spot her father could be with mother at times.
"Just don't forget that your party starts at six, so try to be home before then okay?" Asuka reminded her daughter as they separated.
"I'll be home way before then… That's why I'm going early, so I can get back and hang out with everyone."
The Soryu women walked back into the kitchen, and to the relief of their guests, the tension between them seemed to have lifted. Kasumi's first target was her partner in crime Shin, who was still picking at his plate. "I promise you it's dead Shin… If you're not going to eat it, then let's get a move on! You're wasting precious birthday minutes!"
"Oh sure… Just let me clean off my part of the table here…" Shin sat up with his empty plate in hand, only for Misato to intercept it.
"We'll take care of the mess Shin. The birthday girl has requested your company, so let's not keep her waiting."
"Oh, okay… That you Miss Katsuragi…"
"It's Misato Shin!" She yelled back from the kitchen. "Don't make me start tossing dishes at you!"
"So what's on the itinerary?" Hikari asked Asuka from inside the kitchen, smirking slightly at Misato's teasing of her son.
"Setup mostly… All the decorations have been bought and are ready. Some of the food still has to be cooked, but that'll have to wait until closer to the party… Oh, I do have to go into town and pick up the cake at 9:30."
"That's a rather specific time…"
"Yeah well, the bakery is normally closed on Sunday. It cost extra, but I got someone to come in briefly this morning so the cake would be as fresh as possible. The catch was that they wanted me to pick it up no later than ten o'clock. We eventually agreed on 9:30… What time is it anyway?... Oh crap, its five to nine! With traffic, it can take almost half an hour to get to the bakery… Shit, how did I let time slip away like that?!"
"Relax," Misato said, rubbing the back of the slightly shorter woman right between the shoulder blades. "Go get the cake, and we'll handle the clean up here."
"But… Are you sure? I still…"
"Go!" Hikari prodded pushing Asuka towards the door. "You don't want your daughter to end up without a cake on her birthday. Don't fight us, you're just wasting time!"
"I… Okay…" Asuka smiled, a bit overwhelmed. Though she had never liked relying on people, over the years she had really become awed at how Hikari and Misato were always there for her. "Thanks guys. I'll be back soon, I promise!"
Speed limits were merely suggestive when you had somewhere to be, or at least Asuka Soryu treated them as such. It didn't help Tokyo 3 motorists or pedestrians at all, that Asuka had been taught to drive by one Misato Katsuragi, who treated a typically peaceful drive out in the country like a demolition derby. That poor barn didn't stand a chance. It's not important how Asuka arrived at the bakery anyhow, but rather that she made it on time. She bid the two-person bakery skeleton crew farewell and offered a heart-felt thank you as she exited the establishment. Cake in hand, Asuka was unaware that someone had noticed her dashing into the bakery, and she wouldn't become aware of it until said person followed her to Asuka's car. He waited patiently until Asuka had safely placed her baked goods inside her vehicle before he made his presence known.
"Asuka? I thought that was you…"
The red-head jumped at the voice and turned to face it. She wasn't sure why she was so shocked to see his face as she knew the voice that matched it rather well. "Otto… What are you doing here?"
Otto had a feeling Asuka really meant to ask why he was there, but he went with it. "Just out running some errands when I thought I spotted you darting into the bakery here… Which I thought was weird because it's usually closed on Sundays." The tall blonde-haired man laughed nervously. "Kasumi's birthday was coming up soon wasn't it?"
"Yes… It's today actually," Asuka replied, trying to walk a line where she didn't sound too nervous or overly rude. "I was just picking up her cake."
"Ah, that's right… I remember now… I couldn't quite remember the exact date… You know, it's not like I was invited to the party or anything," he laughed, and immediately regretted his choice of words. He was sincerely just trying to make a joke, but worried he had sounded too snide. Luckily, Asuka didn't seem to take his comment negatively.
"Yeah, sorry about that… I only invited family and Kasumi's friends you know…"
"Oh, you don't have to explain it to me, I understand completely," Otto said seizing on the potential opening to save himself. "What I don't understand though, is why I haven't heard a single word out of you in almost two weeks… I mean, I'm sorry to ambush you like this, but since you're not answering my calls or texts, I was running out of communication options."
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that," Asuka tried to pass it off, though her expression couldn't have made it more obvious that she didn't want to be having this conversation. "This last week at work has been hectic and all, I just haven't had a lot of time…"
"Are you sure that's it?" Trying to sound as polite as he could, Otto offered up an alternative explanation. "It's not because I kissed you at the end our last date, and then you kind of freaked out and ran off…"
Asuka tensed up. She really, desperately did not want to have this conversation at that moment, and preferably not ever. Her eyes darted in every direction as if searching for any possible route of escape. "I apologize for avoiding you. I shouldn't have done that… I promise we'll talk about this later, but I really don't have the time right now… There's so much I still have to get done for Kasumi's party, and forgive me if this sounds rude, but all that stuff that happened with us the other day is the farthest thing from mind right now…"
"I understand," Otto said with a sad smile. "I'm not trying to push you, and if you're too busy to talk I understand. Still, I would appreciate just a couple minutes of your time if you can spare it… Just so I don't have to wonder what's going on with me and you… I deserve that much don't I?"
He did deserve it, and the guilt brought on by how she'd been treating him lately had never felt worse than it felt at that moment. Asuka wasn't accustomed to feeling guilty about things, and she wasn't fond of the feeling. Most of the men Asuka had gotten involved with over the years she had little trouble brushing off when things got too heated for her… Well, saying she was involved with those men may have been overstating it. Most of them never made it passed the first date, pending they could hold her interest for that long. Asuka had no trouble ditching a dud date before the entrée even arrived. Many of these were blind dates she had little interest in going on in the first place, or men she quickly lost interest in shortly after meeting them. There were a handful of guys that Asuka was interested in enough that they survived past the feeling out stage. Otto was one of those men, and one of the few she actually found herself developing some form of feelings for… Which in itself, stirred up a whole other mess of problems.
Otto was, by all accounts, a genuinely nice guy. He was intelligent, patient, and understanding of Asuka's unique circumstances. He was also a fellow German who had moved to Japan as a teenager. They had actually met in a coffee shop one morning when Asuka just happened to be cursing out the poor barista in her native tongue, but on that morning there was someone else in the shop who understood every word she said. That common thread guided Otto to introduce himself, which led to lunch later that day, and a few phone calls later, they were dating before Asuka even realized what had happened. To Otto's credit, he also wasn't scared away when Asuka warned him about all her baggage… So much freaking baggage.
"You're right… And I can spare a few minutes, so why don't we go sit down and talk?"
The couple walked over to a nearby bench and sat down. Otto couldn't help but notice that Asuka sat at the very edge of the bench, seated as far away from him as she could manage. He was getting the feeling that this conversation would be going in the direction he'd been dreading. True to his nature, Otto didn't pry or rush her. He waited patiently, smiling at her until she was ready to say per piece. "I really am sorry for avoiding you… I warned you when we started dating though that I stink at forming relationships with people… Especially romantic relationships. When you kissed me… Yes I did freak out. Not because I fault you for kissing me at all, lord knows you've shown the patience of a saint with me… I just wasn't ready for it… And even though I hoped things might be different with you, I'm starting to accept that I may never be ready for it…"
"Asuka…" Otto started sympathetically, resisting the temptation to place a hand on her shoulder. "Someone really hurt you didn't they?"
"Almost everyone I've ever cared about has hurt me Otto… In ways that pierce the mind, body, and soul…I was really messed up for a long time… That's why I have so much trouble opening up to, or getting close to people. I convinced myself that it was better to shut everyone else out and only rely on myself, because that way no one could hurt me."
"I see," Otto mulled over the meaning of Asuka's words. "And you feel because of these past traumas, this makes you incapable of feeling love for another person?"
"No, that's not what I mean at all," Asuka said calmly, shaking her head. "It's the opposite really… Can I ask you a stupid question Otto?"
Otto Smiled. "I can't imagine Asuka Langley Soryu asking a stupid question, but it might be fun to hear you try."
Asuka smiled back, but still found it difficult to face him. Standing up, she walked over to the railing in front of the cement walk where they'd been seated, and propped her elbow up against it. "Do you think it's possible to fall in love so deep and so hard, that you just find it impossible to dig yourself out of that hole again?"
"Aye, I do… So you have been in love before Asuka?"
Asuka nodded her head, a sad smile on her lips. "With a stubborn idiot who put up with all the crap I gave him. I tried to push him away so many times, but somehow, in me he was able to find a kindred spirit to himself. We fought so long and so hard to find our way to each other, when we finally did, it felt like my life had started over again. I could finally look towards the future and see something other than fire and brimstone surrounding charred corpses of our fallen society. He saved me from being the person I never realize I didn't want to be until then… That said though, we were together for such a brief time, and then he was gone… Just like that, my life collapsed back into hell… I know he didn't mean it this way, but in a way, it felt like he had abandoned me just like everyone else I'd dared to love before had…"
"I take it back… It's not that you were in love once… You still are aren't you?"
"Yeah, I guess I am…" Asuka turned towards Otto. "Even though I've tried to move on with my life… With someone else I mean, heaven knows Shinji would've been the first person urging me to move on without him… That's just one of the many reasons why it's so damn hard to do that… Anytime I've dared to even try to let myself get close to someone else, if I can get passed the fear of being hurt, I always end up feeling guilty, like I'm betraying him somehow…"
"Asuka… That was ages ago," Otto rationalized, having a hard time believing his ears. "You were still basically children at the time, so how could you still feel as if you're betraying his memory after all this time?"
"If I knew that, we wouldn't be having this conversation, and we'd probably be more like a normal couple," Asuka laughed despite finding no humor in what she had said. "My friends tell me I'm using him as an excuse not to get close to anyone, and maybe I am to an extent… That doesn't change that fact that on those rare occasions, like now, when I try to let myself get close to someone else, my chest gets tight and every fiber of my being screams out at me like I'm doing something wrong… He… He touched me, my heart, my soul like no one ever had before. Being the stupid kid I was, I never did realize that, let alone did I ever take any time to appreciate what he awoke inside of me until he was gone. Maybe it's selfish of me, maybe I'm expecting too much but… Something in my heart just keeps insisting that if I can't find someone, something that makes me feel like that again… Then it's just worth it. It's not a trait I'm particularly proud of, but I've never been one to settle for anything other than what I want… I suppose my heart is the same way… Until I can allow myself to be kissed by a handsome, kind man who cares about me without feeling like I'm doing something wrong… Until I can do that, I just have to accept that I'm just not ready for that kind of relationship."
Otto muttered something in German that caused Asuka to blush, though not in a bad way. "I have to admit that I'm envious of this Shinji Ikari… Even if for a short time, he managed to grab hold of something I would've very much loved to have held for myself one day. Then again, it's hard to win somebody's heart when they've already given it away."
"Otto…"
Smiling, to maintain an image of dignity above anything else, he put a finger up to her lips to cut her off. "It's okay Asuka. I'm not going to make you say it… I'm not the type of guy who needs to hear those words to make myself feel validated. I had a feeling the moment we sat down you'd likely be breaking up with me before this conversation was over."
"Otto… I'm sorry…"
"Please don't be… Don't be sad on your daughter's birthday. I'm a big boy, and I've been dumped before. I will admit though, you were the prettiest and most intriguing to do so." Otto stood, Asuka looking up at him, her eyes desperately hoping Otto was really handling the rejection as well as he appeared to be. "You have my number, so if you ever decide you've reached that point where you feel you can move on without the guilt… Maybe we can try this again someday."
"Careful," Asuka smiled, though subdued. "I might take you up on that one day."
Asuka stayed parked on that bench for several minutes, even after Otto had left. She was beginning to wonder if Misato and Hikari were right. Maybe she did use Shinji like a crutch to keep others away… Just like she'd used her mother before him…. Oh well, Asuka didn't waste too much time worrying about those types of things… She had a party to set up for, to celebrate the birth of the one person who had helped her make sense of this mess she called a life. She'd trade a hundred chances with a hundred guys like Otto for just one of her daughter's smiles.
Six miles outside of Tokyo 3 stood a giant block of glass-like matter, encasing a moment in time that had become a local legend. Locked inside were the figures of two giant cyborgs, a still image of a battle waged that would decide the fate of the city of Tokyo 3. Of particular interest was the purple machine, and the memory of its young pilot who sacrificed himself to protect so many. At the base of that block of balkelite stood a six foot high stone that served as both a tombstone and memorial for that pilot, one Shinji Ikari. The location had become a tourist spot for some and a place of pilgrimage for others… However, for one youthful looking man with red-eyes and a crooked grin, this was simply a place where a dear old friend was resting... A place he'd longed to return to for what felt like ages.
Tabris could not hide his smile, nor did he have any reason to bother as he pressed his hand against the giant mountain of ice. "Be patient for just a little longer old friend… You're long sleep is just about at its end."
"You really think this is possible?" chimed in the voice of his companion. Aeri was mere feet behind Tabris, looking indifferent despite her questioning of her brother's actions. She gave off an impression not dissimilar to a teenage girl who'd been unwillingly dragged along to some function by her parents. In a way, that's kind of exactly what was happening.
"I believe the possibility is there, yes… At the very least, it's worth a try. Now stop complaining. I brought you along so you could possibly make up for some of your past transgressions, not so you can nag my every action."
"You make it sound like you gave me the option whether I wanted to tag along with you or not…" Aeri sighed as she tapped her foot in annoyance. She wasn't as unwilling to be at Shinji's memorial as she was letting on. Just as human's could, Angels were just as capable of maturing, or growing up if you will. Aeri had done a lot of maturing in the years after she failed in her quest to destroy Shinji Ikari inside and out. Over the years, she'd really grown to regret what she had done, especially knowing what he sacrificed to spare his fellow Lilin. She had no idea that the Lilin were capable of such noble acts. She still didn't care for the human race, though she no longer despised them or wished upon them a slow painful death underneath her foot. She even chose to use her old human form for her astral body for this brief excursion to Earth. She could now see some of what Tabris saw in the human race, especially in Shinji Ikari. If her brother's cockamamie plan actually worked, perhaps she could finally feel some sense of redemption for the injustices she tried to inflict on him so many years ago. "How can you be so sure though?… That this thing is dead, but somehow Shinji isn't?"
"It's simple really sister… The old Lilin at SEELE designed their Eva's primarily from my DNA… Including their S2 organs… What the silly old coots failed to realize was that they only received what I wanted them to have… As if we would've allowed the capability of a perfect S2 engine to fall into their hands… The S2 organs they manufactures for the Eva Series, and in this beast here were flawed, doomed to burn out after so many years… The S2 engine of this particular Eva has burnt out, meaning that even while trapped within the balkelite, the Eva no longer has the capability to sustain its life. This abomination known as Zeus is no longer a threat the Lilin."
"Wouldn't the same be true of Shinji's Eva though?" Aeri asked of her brother.
"No dear sister… Shinji's Unit 01 acquired its S2 engine when it ingested the organ of one of our brethren's earthbound form. Unit 01 has a true S2 engine, meaning she can sustain herself indefinitely."
"The same is not true of Shinji though," Aeri pointed out. "Wasn't there a high probability he'd be absorbed into his Eva?"
"Indeed… In fact, I'm counting on it. Otherwise, he'd be dead, and our presence here would be moot… I have a feeling though, that he's still in there somewhere waiting for someone to get him out."
"If he is, how do you intend to extract him from his Eva? Is that even within the realm of your power?"
His grin broadened. "We're certainly going to find out."
Aeri grunted, less than enthusiastic over her brother's seemingly blind logic. "Have you thought this out at all? Have you even considered that releasing him back into this world may not be what's best for him? He's spent years trapped in that mountain of glass while the ones he loves have built lives of their own that haven't involved him. Even the girl he so cherished has a daughter… It's not as if he can just stroll back into his old life as if time hasn't jumped ahead of him. He could very easily wind up with nothing, and feel no better off than when he was trapped inside his Eva… He may be better off where he is now…"
"Oh dear sister… All this time, and you still don't understand humans at all do you?" the frown that attacked Aeri's face only made her brother grin harder. "There's no need for concern. I've done some research, and I'm confident Mr. Ikari will be received rather well… Regardless, he's twice now sacrificed a great deal to give his fellow Lilin a chance to persevere… If anyone deserves to enjoy the fruits of that labor it is he… I believe you've said so yourself, in not so many words…"
Aeri pretended not to understand what Tabris was insinuating, and ignored the urge to bicker with him over it. That would be playing into his little game, even though the insinuation was somewhat true. Shinji Ikari was the only Lilin Aeri had met that gave her even a slight glimmer of hope for the human race. Be damned if she was going to let it show though. "Why now Tabris? Why allow him to languish, imprisoned in this mountain of ice for all these years, only to release him now?"
"To respect his sacrifice of course… He gave himself up to make sure SEELE's attack dog couldn't destroy the city… If I tried to release Shinji too early, Zeus may have escaped as well, and then where would everyone be? That would be a determent to everything Shinji worked so hard for, and I just couldn't chance it after weighing the risk. Now that Zeus is no longer a threat, there's no reason to leave him stuck in there… Assuming I am capable of getting him out that is."
"Aren't you still gambling by assuming Zeus is no longer functional?" Aeri asked, trying to poke every whole into Kaworu's scenario as she possibly could. Any lesser being probably would've gotten annoyed by now. Tabris responded by grabbing Aeri's hand and placing it against the balkelite.
"Use your power of perception… Do you sense any life within this frosty prison? Let alone a life force not all that dissimilar to our own?"
With a scowl, Aeri complied and concentrated. "It's faint, but I do since one life-force." Aeri's eyes snapped open, though she said nothing, refusing to give her brother the satisfaction of knowing he was right. "I still don't believe your plan is going to work…"
"Ye of little faith… Hmm, I believe that might be an example of what the Lilin call irony… Anyway, wish me luck"
"Luck doesn't exist. It's a ridiculous concept that the Lilin…" Aeri stopped, as Tabris' image vanished behind the mountain of balkelite. Crossing her arms in annoyance, she looked down and noticed several Lilin that were visiting the memorial dedicated to Shinji Ikari. She had no fear of being seen by then, as the Lilin were incapable of seeing Angels in their spiritual form. Her earthbound body had been destroyed long ago by the same sibling that had dragged her along on his quest to free Shinji from his self-made prison. It amazed her how the Lilin, in some cases, still honored their dead sometimes long after they had passed. She would've figured that the Lilin would simply forget about one another once their AT fields rotted away, and they slowly turned into bone as dust. Aeri flinched, and shook these thoughts from her head. She'd be damned if she was going to allow Tabris to trick her into developing an unhealthy interest in these lowly creatures.
Tabris found it surprisingly easy to navigate his way through the balkelite, so it wasn't long before he found himself entering the frozen husk of Unit 01. Forcing his way into the Unit's core proved more difficult. The rules for the inner workings of an Evangelion were like nothing Tabris had ever experienced. It felt as if he was searching for a being living inside a world that resided in another being. The Angel could detect three distinct life forms within the giant mech. The strongest presence, the one that surrounded him almost to the point of suffocation was obviously Unit 01 itself. The second presence was difficult to pinpoint… It seemed disjointed, appearing in one place, quickly disappearing, and then he'd sense it in another place. Kaworu's guess was that this was the soul of Shinji's mother Yue trapped within Unit 01. Sadly, her absorption into the Purple Beast seemed complete, so pulling her out along with Shinji would seem to be far beyond the realm of his capabilities. The third presence was one Kaworu knew well, and thankfully he appeared fully intact… As an entity inside the Eva as opposed to an entity that had become part of the Eva as was the case with Shinji's mother. He followed that presence into the deepest recesses of Unit 01's core, pushing deeper and deeper until he found himself in a place he hadn't expected.
The eyes of Kaworu widened as he found himself now standing in the middle of a lush green field, as opposed to the black void of nothingness he had seemed to wander aimlessly through for hours. A light mist covered the field that was dotted by grass and various types of flowers. The illusion was so convincing that Kaworu could feel the cool breeze brush against his cheek, and feel the moisture on the grass if he bent down to touch it. Off in the distance, he could see the image of a young man seated in the middle of that field, his eyes closed and arms out as if he was meditating. Smiling, Kaworu began to walk towards the young man he hadn't seen or spoken to for quite some time. Shinji didn't seem to notice Kaworu even as he was standing over him.
"You're a difficult person to locate Shinji Ikari… Though I admit my experience navigating the interworkings of an Evangelion is limited."
Shinji's eyes snapped open, and as they did, the field he'd been meditating in vanished, leaving Kaworu and himself standing in that familiar black void. Kaworu was surprised by this, but not as surprised as Shinji was to see the Angel standing there. "Kaworu… But I wasn't thinking about you…"
Shinji stood up to examine the spectral Angel, Kaworu smiling in response. "It's… It's really you isn't it Kaworu?"
"Yes it is Shinji… It's good to see you."
"It's good to see you too," Shinji laughed lightly, still stunned by his old friend's presence. "How though? How are you able to be here?!"
"I'm not sure myself… I wasn't even aware if I had the capability, though seeing I've been successful, I'm glad I saw it through and tried… Now speaking of the unexpected, what happened to the field we were just standing it? I had no idea a place like that could even exist within the core of an Evangelion."
"It can't. One of the things I figured out I can do inside here is that, if I concentrate hard enough, I can make things appear around me." Shinji held out his hand, and a miniature version of the Moon appeared above his palm. "The images I create are remarkably life-like, but unfortunately I can't really interact with them without breaking my concentration. It's not much, but it helps keep me from losing my mind in here."
"That's quite an impressive talent… Just so you know, I was able to interact with your images on some level. I could feel the dew from the grass roll off my hand after I touched it."
"That's amazing… I'm getting off subject thought aren't I? Why are you here Kaworu? Surely you didn't break into my Evangelion just to say hello."
"I'm not quite sure how to feel about that Shinji… I might be hurt," Kaworu mock pouted, the grin never leaving his face. "For all you know, I could very well have had no ulterior motives other than to visit an old friend… Other than possibly hoping I might be able to bring you back with me."
Shinji had no clue how to respond to that. The very idea of ever leaving Unit 01 was so foreign and he'd deemed it so utterly impossible, that Kaworu's words just weren't registering. "Is that even possible?" Shinji asked, with perhaps more skepticism then he intended. He wasn't entirely convinced this Kaworu was even real, and not just another manifestation his mind had cooked up. Reality really had zero basis in the core.
"In all honesty, I really don't know… But I intend to try, if you're willing to leave this place behind you Shinji."
Shinji chuckled at this. "If it's possible, of course I would love not to be trapped inside an Evangelion for the rest of my life… Or is it existence? I'm not entirely sure how to classify myself anymore."
"You've developed a sense of humor," Kaworu observed. "That's fortunate considering your situation."
"Well again, it was either learn to laugh at my problems, or wait for my mind to explode. All joking aside though, to answer your question, yes if you think there's even the slightest chance you could get me out of here…" Shinji paused as he thought of something that made him rethink his eagerness. "Wait… Even if you could get me out of Unit 01, wouldn't I still be trapped in balkelite?"
"No worries, the balkelite will be taken care… Believe me, that will be the easy bit of all this."
"What about that Black Eva though? Won't you risk freeing that monster if you try to free me from the balkelite?"
Kaworu smiled at his friend. His mind was definitely sharper than the last time he'd spoken to him. "You've matured, or at least your mind has… That's good, it will help you adjust assuming I'm successful in extracting you. No, Zeus will no longer present a threat to anyone. Its inferior S2 engine has died, so the Evangelion no longer has an infinite power source. That's the reason I haven't tried to contact you until now… I wanted to respect the sacrifice you made by not risking undoing it by releasing Zeus."
"Oh thank goodness," Shinji sighed, but then he got quiet. It started to sink in that this image of Kaworu might not just be his mind playing tricks on him. "It really is you, isn't it Kaworu?"
"The one and only," Kaworu's expression suddenly grew serious. "I do have to warn you… You've been trapped in this Evangelion for quite some time… The people you love have gotten on with their lives, and there's no guarantee that you can simply reappear and assume you'll be able to fall back into place like you never left."
Shinji thought Kaworu's words over, a sad smile eventual sneaking onto his lips. "Yeah, I had always expected that on some level whenever I fantasized about escaping Unit 01 someday… I'm prepared for it if that happens."
"I see." Kaworu feared his friend might not be as prepared as he thought he was. "One more thing Shinji… I can tell just by speaking with you that your mind has matured while you've been trapped in here. At least mentally you'll show your age… However, I can not say the same for your physical form… There's no way to predict how your body would've aged while trapped inside the EVA if at all. It's likely that you may look exactly the same as you did on the day you were absorbed."
"In the grand scheme of things, I guess that doesn't really matter… As long as it hasn't been 60 years or something, and I'm spit out an old man needing a walker… How long have I been stuck in here?"
"You'll have to discover the answer to that question if and when I get you out," was Kaworu's answer, basically avoiding the question. This didn't really surprise Shinji somehow, so he passed on insisting on an answer from him.
"Okay… I guess I'm ready to do this whenever you are Kaworu… What exactly do you need me do?"
Wearing a brilliant smile, Kaworu held out his hand. Shinji accepted it, and soon after descended into hell.
End of Chapter 20