"So what happened?" Harry asked her. Focused on her face and the tear tracks there. He had come after work, her owl only said to stop by if he wasn't busy. It had been brief and that made him suspicious. Hermione realised her mistake when he came in and his first question was what had happened. They were seated side by side on her couch and holding glasses of wine.
"My floo chimed and Rowle's head was in it." Hermione closed her eyes as she tried to let the day go. Sometimes it worked, telling Harry or Luna, when it was something she could tell them anyways.
"He told me if I wanted to, he was going now. I knew he meant to Dolohov. I told you I asked for a meeting. Well he took me into the mountains and I had to dismantle several wards to get in. It's like he lives to torment me. I was so nervous and they were so finicky. Rowle just watched me, I've never had an audience for it before. Then we get into the cabin, which looked about the size of Hagrid's hut from the outside. Only the windows looked wrong. That was explained by the size of the inside. It was by far the most impressive extension charm work I have ever seen." She sipped her wine and watched it swirl in the glass.
"We went in and he was sitting there, like always. Facing me this time but the tone, no eye contact, it was the same. I knew but still I handed him the Pythagorean equation and his lack of reaction indicated my success. I talked, he answered in monosyllables. Then I did it, just asked him. Will you let me apprentice under you. Almost no preamble at all. It is so hard not to talk to him. Only what is necessary. Net. That was his answer. I nearly burst into frustrated tears right then. Only him watching me made me keep it in. I was so angry and hurt. He knew what I would ask. I knew. Still he said no. I really think it isn't my fault though. I'm sure I am good enough. What I can do, just from his tutoring me is pretty incredible. It's been hard not to show off." Harry nudged her shoulder gently.
"We will come back to your hidden skills. What aren't you telling me Mione?" She met his eyes then and could see his concern. Telling Harry would be a bit embarrassing. Worth it though. She was so close to not having all the secrets.
"I had his journals. All of them. Don't interrupt. Remember when I had that panic attack when I started at the Ministry?" He nodded as if she was crazy. Of course he did.
"Well I had felt his magic. Dolohovs and it caused flashbacks. Anyways after everyone left I found the box and took it home. It was a while before I could open it. There was the curse and my stubborn refusal to ask for any help. Even from him. I got I though and it was eleven journals. Even in English, mostly. I read most of the first and then didn't read the rest. That was so hard. Those 194 pages were the most interesting thing I had ever read. But I just couldn't. It felt like stealing, and he was helping me. Well he was figuring out the curse isolation, and it did help me even if that wasn't his reason for doing it. It's so personal, like a look into the way he thinks about magic and uses it. Anyways the trials were coming up and I knew his things would be destroyed. It took the last journal and his wand. I know it was stealing but I just did it, almost impulsively. I probably wouldn't have taken the wand if wasn't determined to save the journal." Finally she stopped talking. Knowing he could see her blush. Harry just looked at her seriously and then chuckled.
"You are crazy. I mean you do things like steal evidence and restructure departments during the day and then apparently crazy magics at night. I've read most of his file. Even the extended one. You were pouring so much into this. Overextending day after day. He was brilliant. His list of published papers is long. It's scary to think of him searching for us. I didn't realize what he was capable of. Maybe he's like you and I'll never know what he could do. Is that the extent of today. Your theft returned to its original owner?" Harry was watching her closely and she didn't want to hide this from him.
"I took veritaserum. Sit down. I could have left but I stupidly hoped that he would ask me about my motivations or something. Why I had his things. It's weird, I know it is. I can't explain to you how it felt to read that paper fourth year. It was the very first time I had seen someone write about magic as if it were science. Steps explained and the why it worked in addition to instructions. Then the Azkaban escape and his name. Someone whose mind I so admired. Who had taught me something fundamental about magic. On the other side. After the DOM I knew that he was dangerous. If all the Death Eaters were like him, we would be dead. I never could have passed him as Lestrange. Our power levels were close enough that Travers didn't notice apparently but Dolohov? He has taught me how to identify people's magics. Anyways then I knew we would have to hide from him. No one knows, even you didn't, but I think that was my greatest success in the war. It was his taboo too. As soon as my wards collapsed I knew it was him. Anyways after I gave him the wand box, it took down more wards and left. Then cried and owled you." The last was said as she felt. With a pathetic and whiny tone to her voice.
"You took veritaserum from Dolohov? Alone?" She should have known this would upset him. It was why he had been mentioned. She would leave that part out.
"He said I could have another person. Rowle was there. I would have confessed if I had said anything damaging." She assured him.
"You women are crazy. I don't really blame him for wanting to dose you and knew you were telling the truth. You've been having one of your intellectual crushes for almost a decade. You, Hermione granger, stole things and then didn't read them. Even though you wanted to and he would have expected you to. Why won't you tell me what he teaches you? I know you haven't wanted to share. Is that part of the deal?" She shook her head. Noting his women are crazy remark.
"I would like to know which other women are behaving in a way that would frustrate you. No, I just don't think it's my place to give away what he has taught me. Now that he has turned me down, I want to do a few things. There are several wards I think you should have at Grimmauld. Some for your office when you need them. I've got a pattern for situational wards almost finished. So you could have them switch automatically or with certain gestures." She explained. That was something. She could at least start to use her knowledge more broadly. He would expect that, surely.
"Thank you in advance for whatever awesome thing you do to my office. Grimmauld is pretty tight, you said so yourself. If you think so, and I can still get in then go for it." He was trying to ignore her pointed question about her gender and she gave him a look. She had confessed, he could be honest. He groaned, it was a bit funny but only because he didn't mean to be. The wine was chugged back.
"It's her of course. She caught me eying her neck last week. It sounds ridiculous but why else would she start with these hairstyles that show her neck. Then there are the glances. Sometimes I think I'm going mad, she doesn't get caught. I'm not imagining it right? I asked her for dinner, she said no. I asked her for a drink, she said no. The smile though said something else and I don't know what. It's just like you said, I need to learn her tells. I've got a few. But they don't seem to work the same when she is speaking to me." He was poiting a bit and Hermione chuckled. Letting him rattle on about her complex friend and all the small details he thought made up something. In the end she privately decided he was right. It did sound like something. Hermione wondered if perhaps Astoria hadn't had an eye on her friend for a while. All Hermione had said was that hoped that she knew that no matter what happened they would still be friends. A long look had followed and she was sure it had been understood.
One of those bath bombs from that gorgeous shop on the high street should be a nice reward for Astoria. She had after all, given her an evening of Harry being totally ridiculous about the witch. Even if the hadn't meant it for Hermione, it was a nice side benefit and more fun to think about then her own issues.