It had been nearly two months since Ben had let Rey go. She had flown to the planet, found Finn and Poe in the process of securing a ship to leave in, and together they made it back to the resistance all in one piece. Everyone was so happy they had returned, especially Chewy and Bb8 who had been wondering what had happened to them for a long time. After Finn and Poe hadn't come back to the pickup zone, Rey had found out they went back to the resistance and Leia had told them to hold off on sending reinforcements. Rey questioned this at first, even felt a little betrayed...but Leia had assured her it was for a good reason. She had felt the shift in her son and attacking would have provoked him and sunk him back down into the darkness. She told Rey she had known at that moment Rey alone had to be the one to save him.

Rey lay in her cot reflecting on that day that seemed like just yesterday and yet an eternity ago at the same time. She wondered if Ben was okay. She knew Palpatine easily could have killed him if he found out he had been the one to help her escape. She knew she shouldn't worry so much about him...God knows he didn't deserve it...but he didn't deserve a lot of what happened to him either. She was torn on what to feel anymore. Sometimes she hated him and sometimes...well she couldn't face those feelings right now. She had to focus on other things and couldn't preoccupy herself worrying about him constantly. She got up and looked outside. It was sunny and humid out, a few others were already stirring and moving about camp. She decided she had better dress and join them. She walked out into the heavy air, the humidity almost unbearable already. Her home planet had been hot, but it was also very dry. The humidity always took its toll on her here and she hated it.

She helped the crew that was preparing breakfast as the others all began waking and coming to get their plates.

Leia came out of her tent and took a plate from Rey.

"Did you sleep well last night?" She asked her quietly. Rey grinned and looked down but shook her head.

"No, General. But that's nothing new for me, no need to worry." Leia nodded slowly looking Rey up and down.

"You need to eat too. You're looking unwell. Why don't you grab yourself a plate and sit with me a minute."

Rey looked into her face and couldn't resist. She grabbed herself a plate and walked with Leia to an old wooden outdoor table where they sat beside eachother. Rey sat her plate down and pulled her fork out, pushing her eggs around but not taking a bite.

Leia stared at her a minute then spoke.

"I'm not super in tune to the force like others, Rey. But I have an excellent sixth sense and I know when something's not right."

"I'm fine, General, I swear. I just..."

"You keep thinking about him don't you?" Leia said with a soft look in her eyes. Rey nodded but didn't look her in the eyes.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. We can't decide who we love...it just happens. Some even say it's predetermined."

Rey shook her head laughing nervously, "no, no...I don't love him."

Leia stared straight through to her soul. Damnit Rey never had been a good liar.

"Well I do," Leia said, "and Rey, no matter what happens, I can never thank you enough for showing him compassion and helping him to see the light. Even if he can't come back to it...we at least know we tried our hardest."

"He wants to," Rey spoke quietly, "I know he wants to. I just don't think he knows how. Palpatine will kill him if he tries I'm sure of it."

"I think you're right, Rey," Leia said sadly, "I just wish I knew how to help him..."

Leia turned and picked at her food. Rey pushed hers around on her plate more.

"You need to eat. You'll need your strength. This fight isn't over you know," Leia said noticing her.

"I know, it's just so humid it makes me feel...ugh."

"I know what you mean," Leia said. Rey grinned and took a small bite to appease the General.

"Hey guys!" Finn came and sat beside Rey, seemingly in good spirits. He grabbed his fork and dug in as if he was starving.

"Do you even taste your food?" Rey asked amused.

"Don't need to," he said with his mouth full. Rey chuckled at him. Rose came and sat beside Finn and a minute later Poe joined them sitting across the table.

"Hey guys," he greeted them, "fantastic weather we're having," he said sarcastically. It was only morning and already he looked uncomfortably hot.

"I don't mind it honestly," Rose chimed in.

"That makes one of us," Finn said finally looking up from his food.

"Aren't you gonna eat, Rey?" He asked looking concerned.

"I can't. It's just too hot out here it makes me sick," she said shoving her plate at him. He happily took it and started in on it.

"I understand that," Poe said pushing his food around as well.

"So what's on the agenda today?" Rose asked. Then the dull mindless conversation started about training and fixing a ship, someone needed to gather supplies, assigning lookouts.

"I'll gather supplies," Rey spoke up, "what all do we need?" The scavenger in her would be happy to go back to her roots. She always found scavenging very calming, mindless work. It's exactly what she needed right now.

Finn spoke up, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Yeah neither do I," concurred Poe.

"What? Why?" Rey said confused. Rose spoke this time,

"Um did you forget last time you were alone you were kidnapped by an insane sociopath who could have murdered you?! No offense," she added looking at Leia.

"None taken," she replied raising her eyebrows and looking back to her food.

"Seriously, Rey." Finn said putting a hand on her arm, "it's not a good idea. I think you should stay in the camp with other people."

Rey stood angrily, "nice to see my so called friends have so much faith in me," she hissed sharply then turned and walked quickly off back into her tent. She emptied a rucksack, sticking a canteen of water in a pocket on the side, grabbed her staff she used for protection, then angrily walked back out into the sunlight.

"Where are you going Rey?" Rose called out to her. She didn't look at her and kept walking.

"I need some air," she said just loud enough for her to hear.

"Wait I'll come with you!" She ignored her and kept up her fast pace, heading into the jungle surrounding them.

Unfortunately she heard Rose jogging to catch up with her. She didn't want company but she found she just couldn't be mean to Rose. She was one of her only female friends she'd ever had.

"Listen," Rose started, "I understand you don't like being cooped up here. I don't either! But you know they are only doing it because they care about you." Rey remained silent and they walked deeper into the trees. It was more shaded here and felt a bit better than in camp.

"Finn told me what you did to help him and Poe escape or...what he thinks you did anyway. Is it true?"

Rey stopped in her tracks and looked at Rose incredulously. "You really have no filter do you?"

"I'm not trying to be nosey, Rey. I'm coming to you girl to girl. This is a mans fight and I know you could use a friend of the same gender. Is it true what Finn thought happened?"

"That depends...what does he think happened?" Rey continued to walk. If Rose wanted to talk about it she would have to say it out loud. Make herself as uncomfortable as Rey was becoming.

"He said that Kylo...that he thought maybe he...well that he possibly forced himself-"

"No he didn't force himself on me," Rey said quickly hoping she would leave it at that.

"Oh! Really? Because they way he spoke he was pretty positive you guys had...been together...intimately..." she trailed off.

"Yes. We were together intimately, Rose. But he didn't force me to do anything. He proposed a trade and I accepted. I made the decision, not him."

Rose stopped in her tracks.

"Excuse me, what?!"

Rey stopped and turned to her. There was no way to make this sound good.

"Rose, I made a business deal, okay?"

"Um...a deal in which you traded your...body for your friends freedom?" She looked absolutely astounded. Rey rolled her eyes and sat down against the trunk of a tree. She was sweating and her face was getting pink from heat. She grabbed her canteen and took a long drink.

"Rey, I don't know if you're too close to the situation to see what he did was wrong but he should never have proposed that! That was wrong on a whole new level!"

"I know that!" Rey said loudly. She was hot and irritated and tired of talking about this.

"It happened, it's in the past, he apologized for it and I don't want to think about him-" but her breath caught in her throat. Too late...she was thinking about him.

"I'm sorry," Rose said coming to kneel down beside her. She put a hand on her leg to comfort her. Rey tried her best to choke tears back but couldn't stop a few of them dripping down her hot face.

"I care for him, Rose. I don't hate him. He let me go you know...I didn't escape like I told everyone..."

"Okay...okay you care for this...psychopath...if you want to vent or talk or anything I'm here Rey. I just want you to know that."

"Thank you," Rey wiped her face and they sat there for a long awkwardly quiet minute.

"We slept together twice," Rey blurted out. Rose took a calming breath in and exhaled.

"Was that time consensual or was that a deal as well?"

"It was consensual. I wanted it." Rey put her head in her hands, "God I'm so...fucked up Rose."

"No you're not!" Rose said loudly immediately trying to comfort her.

"Your not, Rey. You were manipulated and he got under your skin and you made a mistake that's all. You're not a bad person."

They sat in silence a moment, Rey trying to get her emotions under control. Rose would never understand the complexity of Ben and hers relationship. She would always see him as a monster. Almost everyone in the universe would. He's done too much damage for people not to. Rey took a few deep breaths to calm herself and wiped her face off.

"Come on. Let's get some firewood while we're out here," She said unzipping the large backpack. The two of them picked up smaller branches and chunks of wood they found and stuck as much as they could in the backpack then filled their arms too. They made the walk back to camp, both dripping sweat, panting hard. They dropped the wood off and went to sit in the shade beside a tent together and drink water.

"Thank you, Rose." Rey said looking over at her. Her cheeks were red from heat but she kept a resilient smile on her face. She admired her so much.

"No problem," she said grabbing Rey's hand. She may not understand Rey but she tried and that's all Rey could ask for right now.