Chapter 18: I Have to Stop It
Meredith sobered up after that night. But only because she convinced herself that it was ridiculous behavior to pine and drink over someone, she was intent upon not caring about. Not anymore anyway. Inside, her heart was breaking, but she didn't want to hear it.
She sat at her desk in her office, the only light on was the lamp and hoped that it would be enough of a sign to not be bothered. She dropped a small metal object on the desktop and watched it spin until it stopped. She picked it up and did it again, and again, and again. She then picked it up and held it between her fingers and sighed, it was pretty. Though it was a simple solitaire ring, a carat or two diamond wrapped in platinum, it was simple and elegant, much like her.
She wondered what his fiancé's ring looked like, and if it was anything like this one. She glanced over at the wedding invitation that was sticking out of the wastebasket. She wondered who sent it to her, was it him? Was it his mother? Was it one of his sisters? Definitely not Nancy. She heard a knock on the office door and jumped, she shoved the ring back into the top drawer of her desk and smiled.
"Come in."
"Meredith." Richard smiled as he let himself in "Good, I'm glad you're still here."
"I hardly leave the place Richard." Meredith smiled "You had to have found me at some point."
"Right."
"So what brings you to my office door at this hour?"
"I was just headed home actually." He said, "And I thought I would come share some news with you."
"And what news is that?"
"Well." He smiled "I'll be retiring in a month. And since your competition backed out, you'll be the new Chief of Surgery."
"Oh." She mumbled.
"You don't seem very excited about it." He frowned "I thought you wanted it."
"I do." She gulped "It's just… well to be honest it's a little intimidating."
"You're perfect for it Meredith." He smiled "You're here more than anyone else, you have no one at home begging you for your time. Being alone is what a person needs to be for this job. You have no other obligations; you can marry your work and not feel guilty. It's perfect for you."
Meredith nodded and felt numb, like when someone out of the blue sucker punches you in the face. You feel numb right before the pain sets in. Richard smiled and told her goodnight before letting himself out. She gasped as tears welled in her eyes finally, she looked at the invitation still sticking out of her wastebasket and then a sob erupted her throat.
"Oh god!" her voice trembled. She grabbed the invitation out of the basket and stood up, knocking her chair over in the process and ran out of her office, she turned down the hallway and skidded to a stop, opening a familiar door without bothering to knock "Christina!"
"Mer?" Christina frowned, noticing something was very wrong, she'd never seen her friend cry. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"I'm going to be alone!" she sobbed, her hands shook but still held tightly to the card in her hand "Oh god I'm going to be all alone!"
"What do you mean?" Christina asked as she stepped in front of her. "Why are you going to be alone?"
"Derek's gone! Derek's gone for good and I'm going to be all alone for the rest of my life!" she sobbed "No one will ever replace him! I'll never find another Derek."
"Then you know what you have to do?"
"I have to stop the wedding." She sniffled "I have to stop him."
"You know it's in eight hours, right?" Christina said as she glanced at the clock "And it's a six-hour flight if you're lucky enough to not get stuck on any layovers."
"I better hurry then."
"What's wrong son?" Carolyn Shepherd asked as she walked out to the balcony where her only son stood looking aimlessly into the night.
"Nothing." He mumbled "Just a nice night."
"It is a nice night." She smiled "But I don't think that's why you came out here."
"Maybe it's just typical jitters." He said, "Everyone gets those right before their big day."
"Yes they do." She smiled "But I think you miss Meredith."
"Mom." He shot her a harsh look, "Meredith is my past."
"And she was a huge, huge part of it." She said, "It's only human Derek, you can allow yourself that much."
"I wish Dad was here." He sighed
"He would be proud of you." She said, then laughed "Oh as much as he argued that he was right, he sure can be wrong."
"What do you mean?"
"Well." She smiled "He always said you would marry Meredith."
"I thought he hated Meredith."
"No." she smirked "He was crude with everyone sweetheart." She squeezed his shoulder "But Meredith reminded him of…well himself. You look a lot like your father, but you act more like me, you have a soft heart. Your father, well he saw a lot of spunk and fire in Meredith. It reminded him if himself, and he thought that the two combinations were one of a kind."
"Well I don't know about spunk and fire." Derek scoffed "More like piss and vinegar."
"I'm happy son." She smiled "As long as you're happy… as long as you're truly happy."
"This is making me happy."
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