CHAPTER XIX

Every single woman in the trailer park was in the line, all of them waiting to get their feet smelled by Agent Natalia Smeller. All the women greedily wanted the Gucci gift certificate. All the women in park who had stinky feet were in line, and all the ones who did everything they could to make their feet stinky that day.

"I can't wait till she smells my feet," one of the women was saying, "They smell so bad, I'm sure they'll match those yellow socks."

"Mine are even worse," the woman next to her bragged, "I may not have worn those socks, but I'm sure the stench will at least be in the right ballpark."

But as they reached the front of the line, inside a little shed, both were rejected. Natalia Smeller had every single woman sit down and rest her bare feet up on the lawn chair. She would then sniff their feet, sometimes for several minutes, before deciding they did not match the scent of the yellow socks.

That day, Natalia smelled hundreds of women's feet, but sadly not a single one matched. Most of the women did not take the rejection well.

"Please!" a young woman begged, "I can make my feet smell worse! Please!"

But she was dragged away crying. The next woman was also rejected.

"Oh c'mon," she said, "My feet are really stinky! Are you honestly gonna tell me they don't stink?"

"I agree that you have stinky feet," Natalia said, "But that's not the issue. The issue is they don't match the socks."

"Maybe you just need to sniff them again."

"Sorry, but my nose is never wrong," Natalia said solemnly.

After a day full of smelling feet, Natalia was worried. She was no closer to finding the culprit. But the line was almost depleted. Until only one was left.

"Uh, hi," a shy bespectacled girl said, "My name is Samantha-"

"And let me guess," Natalia sighed, "You want this Gucci certificate too."

"I-I just want validation," Samantha said, and shared her sad life story, "You see, all my life I've had really bad foot odor, and everyone teases me about it. Even my own mother points and laughs at me. For the last year, she's called me Stinky Feet instead of Samantha, and even threatened to kick me out of the trailer if my foot odor doesn't go away. Where will I live?"

This story was so sad, Natalia begrudgingly agreed to sniff Samantha's feet.

No sooner did she do so, then suddenly something stirred inside Natalia.

"Well," Samantha said, adjusting her glasses, "I know they're bad."

But Natalia took pity on this poor child. She sniffed Samantha's feet some more, then said, "C'mere, do you want to be loved, Samantha?"

"I do. Just once in my life, I want someone to love me."

And with that, Natalia swooped Samantha in her arms. At long last, Natalia finally shed her repressed lesbianism, and the two shared an intense lovemaking session right there inside the shed.

"Will you run away with me, Samantha?"

"Yes, Agent Smeller. There's nothing for me in this trailer park."

And the two ran off together.

Down in the bunker, Ella and Kitty were waiting inside their cell, with Tess watching over them. It had been several days.

Suddenly a secret report was delivered to Tess. She opened it and was shocked.

"Oh my. It appears that Agent Natalia Smeller has defected from the government and gone to Russia with a young girl named Samantha."

"What?" Ella cried.

"Yes, it appears her and Samantha were on the plane naked, making out the entire time. Normally this would be against the airline's policy, but the other passengers were enjoying the view so much that they decided to allow it."

Tess looked brokenhearted. Ella could see that although she couldn't verbalize it, Tess had been madly in love with Natalia.

"Well," Tess said bitterly, "I guess this case now falls to me. I'm just going to order you two girls be executed and have it over with."

"Wait," Ella said, "Look, I confess. We did it. We made laundra and sold it illegally. But is this really necessary? I mean all we did was bring a little joy to people's life. Haven't you ever just kicked back with a drink and had a little fun, Tess?"

"No," Tess said dryly.

"Well, you should try it sometime. It's really nice."

"Eh, why not. It's contraband now."

Tess poured herself a drink, then took a sip.

"Say, this is pretty good. You know something, Ella and Kitty? It doesn't really make sense for us to be enemies. We could achieve so much more by working together. How about I let you out of that prison cell?"

And she released them.

"Now," Tess said, "how about can live with me inside my billion-dollar mansion?"

For a moment Ella sighed. This was everything she had ever dreamt of-

-but then she looked at Kitty beside her.

"No. We want the simple life. I'm happy living in a trailer park."

"I am too," Kitty said.

And to their surprise, Tess actually was impressed.

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! You two must really love each other, and I admire that you can have a love so strong. A love like that shouldn't be caged behind bars. Go then! I give you my blessing. Make as much laundra as you want."

EPILOGUE

And so Ella and Kitty lived their dream life, not in any fancy fairy-tale house or mansion, but happily in their trailer park, which they managed together. Free from her step-sisters, Ella realized that the happy life she had always wanted had been right there in front of her.

Her and Kitty lived happily in their trailer, and they did actually clean up after themselves and were a nice step up from white trash. As they drank their laundra and lived merrily, the two would often sit on the lawn chairs outside their front door, realizing that the best things in life were free, and would wiggle their toes in the wind.

THE END