Something, or rather someone, was grabbing my shoulder roughly and shaking me awake. It didn't take long for me to snap my eyes open and try to jerk away.

"What?" I barked but my voice was still covered with my sleepiness to be too intimidating.

"Matt's coming over right now to drop off."

I turned my head to glance over my shoulder at Nick's face clouded with annoyance. He was sitting up and glaring at me.

"What does that have to do with me?" I turned back towards the wall, hoping he would let me sleep for a bit more.

"Make yourself scarce." He pushed my shoulder a bit again and stood up to look around the pretty filthy room for a shirt.

"What?" I flipped back on to my back and looked at him, confused. "Why do I need to leave for this?" It's not like I've never witnessed what was about to happen. Hell, if I had a dollar for every time I've seen Nick picking up I'd be one rich chick right now.

"Matt doesn't like you so get up. Ain't you working today?" He said it so casually.

"What?" I sat up this time with a frown. "What do you mean he doesn't like me? What did I ever do to him?" I'd be lying if I said my feelings weren't hurt. A drug dealer didn't like me. How low has my life sunk?

"I don't fucking know, B. He's just mentioned to me that he thought you were being a bitch the last time he was over. And I know he's got some good stuff here so…just leave for a bit." Just from the way he was talking I could tell he didn't care about my feelings on this situation. What happened to the Nick who would have kicked someone's ass for calling me that? And now I'm the bad person for just existing.

"Seriously. Get up." He reached down and yanked the covers off the bed, carelessly throwing them on top of all the grime that lays around the room.

"Where am I supposed to go?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"I don't know. Go shopping or something." He waved me off and turned to his phone.

Sure. I'm supposed to go shopping with what money. And I didn't work today so I was at a loss. Normally in a situation like this, Zack would be someone I could turn too because I know he didn't work today either but I knew if Nick caught wind of that, he'd kill us both.

I felt horrible for how everything had played out but it was so out of my control now that I just tried not to think about it. It was a small mistake that shouldn't have happened but I didn't know what Nick expected of me. He screamed in my face, dumped me, and left me alone stranded in some parking lot. Who else was I going to call? One thing lead to another and it was a night that I'd rather soon forget. But boy, did Nick love to bring it up and use it as ammo now.

I dug around a pile of clothes, sniffing them to see if they were clean, and proceeded to make myself scarce. I really had no idea what I was going to do for the next few hours. I really didn't have any friends these days and it's not like I could really do anything that costs money.

I ended up taking off to a park not too far from his mom's house. I sat down at a picnic table and pulled my phone out. I really didn't know what to do with myself. I could feel myself falling into a pit of self loathing over the fact that I didn't have any friends. It was so easy to blame Nick for monopolizing my time but really the blame should be on me. It was nobody's fault but my own that I didn't have friends. It didn't help that I often acted like a complete bitch. Chicks were difficult to get along with. They were often mean and catty and jealous. I really couldn't say much though because I knew I was the same way.

I don't know how long I sat there scrolling endlessly through as many bullshit games my phone could download. Eventually my phone dinged but it was a text from Zack asking what I was up to. I deleted it without responding, not wanting to start any more drama with Nick.

About an hour after that, I received a text from Nick asking where I was. I was half tempted to ignore him too but I knew he would have a fit about that. It wasn't long after that that I found myself back at his mom's house staring into bloodshot eyes. It was exactly what I assumed I would be walking into. The only thing that upset me at this point was that I was sober and now had to deal with his high ass.

"Where you been babe?" He lazily smiled at me from his spot on the couch. I'm assuming he hasn't moved from that exact spot since Matt left. It took everything in me not to roll my eyes at him.

"Out." I managed to spit out before retreating to the bedroom we had shared for over a year now.

"Aw, babe." He practically started giggling to himself but I didn't think much of it. "Why you gotta be like that?" He sounded muffled from the room but I could still hear him. At least in here I could roll my eyes in peace.

I had come to a point in my life where I didn't know if I was mad at him for the drugs or just mad at him in general. If it was about the drugs then I was fully aware that made me a hypocrite. But a year ago he never would have kicked me out. He never would have screamed at me over issues with his dealer. I used to be his rock. He used to come to me venting about those problems but these days I felt like the main problem. So was it the drugs or him? Was it me?

I plopped down on my side of the bed and thought about life. For the first time in a long time, I wondered what my mother was up to. Did she think about me or was she too high and distracted to remember she had a daughter? It's not like Nick's mom was a saint either but at least when she was around she acted like she loved her child. She obviously loved him enough to take in his basically homeless girlfriend.

"Babe."

When she is sober, does she think about me? Is she concerned?

"Baylee."

I tried to imagine myself in her shoes. Would I have a daughter someday? Would she look like me or Nick? Would I abandon her like she did to me? I would never. But what would Nick do? What would happen the first time she got in trouble? Would Nick get angry and kick her out? Would I kick her out? My own daughter? What if I had a son? Would he be like his father?

"B, where'd you go?" I snapped out of my thoughts and turned to look at Nick leaning against the door frame.

"What?" I asked.

"Why're you so cold?" He took a step into the room but tripped over a pile of clothes. If I wasn't so peeved with him I might have been impressed with how fast he recovered for his state.

"I'm not." I tried not to sound too annoyed but I'm sure I failed.

"B," He finally managed to climb over the mountain of crap on the floor to plop down on the bed. "What's up?" He almost fell over on top of me.

I really wish I knew what Matt gave him. Normally I could predict his highs. He was pretty consistent most of the time but he almost seemed crossed which wasn't a normal for him. I was almost at a loss.

"What'd Matt give you?" I asked. It stayed silent for a bit before he finally turned my way looking confused.

"What?"

"What did Matt come over for? You said he had good stuff." I reminded him and he shook his head.

"Oh. Whatever. His grass is the same as everyone else." He flopped back on to the pillows. "You ever have Jack Honey?"

Okay, so he was drunk?

"No." I sat up.

"It's a game changer." He nodded even though he was laying down. "Bought an eight ball." Okay, so he's drunk and on coke. Except this isn't normal behavior for him on either of those. He's too lethargic for uppers.

"What did you guys take?" I finally asked him and he turned my way.

"Whatchu' mean, B?" There was that dumb lazy smile again.

"You guys obviously smoked or took something. So what did you do?"

He sat up abruptly and just stared at me in silence. I didn't like the look he was giving me and I was starting to become uncomfortable.

"Why are you always like this?" He almost spat. What happened to that lazy smile?

"Like what? I just asked a question…" I was confused.

"Accusing. What the fucks it matter what we did?" His weird stare finally turned into a glare.

"I'm not accusing you, I'm just asking." I couldn't help it and rolled my eyes and sat up a bit more too.

"No, you always do this shit." He shook his head.

"Do what?" I tried to keep my voice down but I could hear my own voice rising.

"Come home from work and just get on my ass."

"I wasn't even at w—"

"How about you get off my ass and get on my dick instead." So clever. He sat up and glared even harder. I stayed silent.

"What is your problem?" He eventually spat. I almost wanted to start laughing. I really couldn't read him. I had no idea what he was on and he was switching from hot and cold so fast that I felt dizzy. I just wish I knew if it was an upper or a downer. In the back of my head, I wanted to blame Matt. I could just blame all my problems on Matt and be done with it. But I knew that didn't make sense. Maybe I should just pack a bowl and go to bed. Or let him tire himself out by yelling, just like a toddler.

"Nothing. I just want to lay down." I wanted to roll my eyes again. He let out a small chuckle which once again threw me off. This motherfucker was acting so bipolar.

"So let's lay together." He smiled a sloppy smile at me and threw an arm over my stomach. I instantly regretted laying down. I wish we were anywhere but his bedroom. I felt trapped. I knew he would be upset if I threw his arm off of me, especially in his state, so I did what I knew best…I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not in the mood, Nick. Especially after you just got salty with me." I turned away and hoped that he would turn away. Of course, nothing ever went my way.

"Come on, B. Don't be like that." He ran his hand up my arm. "You know I love you."

I actually paused at that. He hadn't said he loved me in a while. And yet, in his state it slipped out of his mouth so easily. Which, again, half of my brain was trying to think about what he was on, but the other half just thought of his mental state. He wasn't okay right now and I'm sure that's the only reason he said what he said.

"Mhm." I made a sound that even I couldn't recognize.

I almost wished I was on what he was.

"Bay," He whispered before I felt his lips on my arm too. "I've missed you." He practically giggled. He moved so his other hand was on my hip too.

"We live together." I tried to turn away more from him but his hands were still on me.

"I know. Damn." He snorted before he let go and turned on his back. It was quiet for second before he started giggling again. Then about five seconds later, it went silent. I didn't dare move. I didn't want to trigger anything in him.

Then I felt his hand on my hip again. It took everything in me not to get up and leave the room. I hoped we could go back to the way we were. Back when it was simple.

Was it ever simple between Nick and I though?

In the beginning it seemed like it was just the two of us against the world. But it was really the two of us against life's bad vices while simultaneously fighting each other. Drugs had always been a major factor in our lives. We both grew up in not so stable homes with what seemed like a new drug of choice every month. We both lacked a father figure growing up and had addict mothers coming in and out of our lives. Granted, my mother made his look like a saint but it's not like she really set the bar high. Or even set it off the ground at this point.

Maybe it was never us against the world. It's always been me against the world. Against everything life has thrown at me. And obviously I wasn't doing a very good job of dealing with it.

I was pulled from my thoughts by a hand lifting my shirt up. I reacted instantly by grabbing his hand. "Knock it off."

"Come on, B." It was like he didn't hear me because he pushed against my hand blocking him and slid up to my chest.

"I said knock it off. I'm not in the mood. And I'm sure as hell not going to be in the mood with you on whatever it is you're on." I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. I shouldn't have come home. I should have just stayed in the park drowning myself in every bad thought that had come to my head today.

Before I could stand up and attempt to navigate through this trash pile that's supposed to be a bedroom, I felt a fist grab the back of my shirt and give a hard yank pulling me back down ungracefully.

"What the fucks your problem?" His voice raised.

I tried to grab the back of my shirt back from him but it was too awkward of an angle for me to reach.

"What is your problem?" I bit back at him which caused him to yank my shirt hard enough for the collar to dig into my throat. I instantly reached up to grab it to give myself some room for air. I ended up just falling back into him so the shirt wouldn't tear or cut off more of my circulation.

"You're like this all the fucking time now. It's annoying as shit." I was surprised he wasn't growling like a maniac at this point. "You're never in the mood anymore."

"I'm not going to be in the mood when you're fucking high out of you—" Before I could even finish what I was thinking I was cut off by a sharp pain digging into my scalp while he grabbed a fistful of hair and yanked my head back too.

"I'm getting really sick of this shit, Baylee." He shoved his face against the side of mine.

"Yeah?" I tried to sit up just a pinch but his hand was still gripping my hair painfully so I stopped struggling. "Well I'm getting real sick of you getting high off your ass and hiding everything you do." I wish I could turn my head to glare at him but I was stuck giving a side eye.

"I don't hide sh—"

"Bullshit!" I practically screeched. "You hide what you're doing, you hide what you're taking, you hide your texts, and you hide me." I realized my arm was free and elbowed him as hard as I could in the ribs. He grunted and flew off to the side trying to protect his side from further attack. "So I'm sick of hearing that!" I rolled off the bed and managed to find my feet.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about you psycho bitch." He grunted before catching his breath and scrambling to get up too. I knew I didn't want to be around him anymore so I left the room shaking my head. It wasn't a very graceful exit since I was stepping around piles of dirty clothes and trash. I made my way out of his room and into an equally as dirty home. I don't know where his mom has been recently but it's clear she hasn't been around the house as of late. She wasn't exactly the most hands on mother but I was used to seeing her around the house every now and then.

"I don't know what the hell your problem is." I heard him stumble around the room before he appeared in the doorframe. I didn't like the look in his eyes. It was no longer that spacey stoned look. It was darker.

"I think we need space." I blurted out without even thinking about it. I don't know where it came from but I didn't regret saying it out loud.

"We need what?" He snorted and followed me out into the living room. I didn't want to sit down or put myself in a corner. I was suddenly feeling like a caged animal. I stood on the other side of the coffee table to give us a buffer. I crossed my arms and glanced around. There was an ash tray that needed to be dumped out weeks ago and empty packs of swishers laying around with random take out containers and trash. He threw himself on the couch before sitting on the edge and pushing some trash off to the side on the coffee table. He grabbed a razor blade that was sitting off to the side and had seen some better days and looked around for something else.

"We clearly aren't doing well together so I think we should break up." I finally spoke the words that have been in my head for weeks now. It felt good to say them out loud. I felt like a weight I didn't even know existed was lifted from my shoulders. What didn't make me feel better however, was his reaction. He stared up at me with an expression that made me feel like I had said something obnoxiously dumb.

"What?" I finally snapped after I couldn't take his expression anymore. He snorted and stood up. I felt my body tense up without even meaning to. He left the room without a word and I felt beyond frustrated. I just broke up with him and he barely even acknowledged that I spoke. What the hell? I didn't know if I should follow him and pursue the topic or just leave. I didn't even have time to think about it because he entered the room holding what I assume what he was looking for on the dirty coffee table. A small ziplock bag with a white powder. I've come to despise that shitty white crap. I've come to despise a lot of vices I used to be into.

"Good one, B." He finally muttered and went to work with breaking up what was in the bag.

"I'm serious, Nick." I was getting even more pissed that he couldn't be bothered to stop what he was doing to pay attention to anything I was saying. I was glad I knew where I stood in his life. Clearly I wasn't as high as I thought I was. "You called me a psycho bitch like twenty minutes ago."

"So?" He let out such a lifeless chuckle.

"So? That's all you have to say?" My voice was raising.

"Yup." He popped the 'p' and didn't look up.

"This is fucking ridiculous." I threw my hands up and left the room. I didn't need to stand around for this. I went back in the grimey room we shared and sat on the bed. I looked around the room and thought about what I could do.

How many times have I thought about where I could go or who would take me in? And how sad it was to think that I had nobody.

"So what the fuck is the problem?" Nick came to lean against the door frame while sniffling.

"We don't go well together anymore." I settled with and decided to stare at a piece of trash instead of looking at him.

His sniffling was driving me insane.

"I think I should leave." I muttered.

"And go where?" He started laughing. "You've got no where to go." He pointed out. It was true but it hurt even more to hear it spoken aloud.

"I'll figure something out. I can't stay here."

"But you've got nowhere to go." He chuckled and stalked into the room. I felt caged in. I hated it. "Tell me where you're going to go?" He towered over me and I could see the difference in his eyes. I knew that look and I knew it didn't mean anything good for me.

"Going to sleep in your car again?" He taunted and before I could even get mad and think of a response he'd grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me back so hard I my back bounced a few times on the bed. He started laughing.

"Don't fucking touch me!" I screeched and tried to grab at him but he was already standing up straight.

"Just admit you have nobody." He went to go take a step back but stumbled a little over a pile of dirty laundry.

"Leave me the hell alone." I scrambled to get to my feet. He sniffled and stood in the doorway. At this point I didn't even care about grabbing anything, I just needed out of that room. Out of that house.

"I just call it like I see it." If he sniffled one more time, I was going to lose my mind.

I beelined for the door but he stood his ground.

"Move. I'm leaving." He clearly wasn't going to budge.

"You ain't going anywhere." He seemed bigger than he actually was in that moment.

"Fucking move, Nick." I went to go shove past him and it just snapped everything into motion. One moment I'm trying to use all my body weight to push past him and the next thing I know I'm on the ground with a throbbing shoulder.

And then I swear I only blinked and I was standing on the other side of the coffee table from him with a bleeding hand.

And then I blinked and he had a gash on his arm so large that blood was all over the kitchen.

And then I blinked and I had the cops running in with guns and his mom screaming from the lawn.

And then I blinked and I was at a police station with blood on my shirt.

The flash from the camera brought me back to earth. I blinked a few times and I was being guided, rather roughly, into room and being told to strip and hand over all my belongings. I was going to jail. I was going to legit jail.

At least now I would have somewhere to stay.

Walls Could Talk by Halsey