The rain came back and left a little snow on the ground when it did. Of course it turned to sludge and is only the beginning of what I'm almost sure will be a hefty winter. Hopefully the boys will be back in time for us to get a good snow. Halcyon is beautiful when it snows. And it's one of those phenomenons that still makes people forget for a moment that the world is ugly.

"Jesus!" Lourdes curses, slamming the door behind her as she enters my home. "I fucking hate the cold!"

"I'm sure it hates you right back."

"Ha-ha," She shivers as she takes off her coat, "What are you doing?"

"Looking over inventory."

"How are we doing?" Lourdes goes right for the kitchen, where there's a pot of coffee on the stove.

"Fine for now, but we're gonna have to do a lot better, if we're giving a quarter to the Saviors."

"Even with fudging the numbers?"

"Negan knows we've been preparing for winter, so he's gonna expect that we've been stockpiling, which means we have more."

"Yeah, but he doesn't know how much we've been stockpiling," She sits down, "Or where we've been putting it."

"Doesn't matter," I tell her, "We have to do better."

She stifles an eye roll as she drinks her coffee. "When's he bringing our kids back?"

"Soon," I sigh, putting my initials at the bottom of a page, before turning to the next, "Well, actually, he's not coming here. We agreed to meet halfway."

"Oh, like real separated adults do."

I shoot her a look.

"I'd say 'divorced', but you were never married, so…"

"And we aren't separated, asshole."

"You aren't technically together either," Lour gives a little chuckle as she goes to drink, "You and him are the textbook definition of 'it's complicated.'"

"Shut up," I flip her the bird, "You're one to talk."

"Connor and I aren't complicated," She snickers, "We have sex and that's pretty much it."

"You know Connor doesn't really have sex with anyone else?"

"Sure he does," She shrugs her shoulders, "I know he's slept with Vera. And Hallie from Dairy."

"Yeah, but I think he might have slowly quit them."

"How do you know?"

I shrug, going back to the books.

"What? Martin said that?"

"No, I'm observant," I reply, "I've seen Vera try to put the flirts on him and him politely decline her."

"So?"

"I think he likes you a lot more than you're aware," I tell her, "He does ask you to fix his shirts."

"And?"

"And I've seen that man stitch up a gash on Martin's arm in a pinch, you mean to tell me that he can't fix a small tear in a shirt?"

"So, what? Men asking you to sew shirts is the official symbol of them being in love with you."

"I didn't say love!" I snap.

Lourdes furrows her brows slightly.

I feel my cheeks start to burn. "Look, all I said was that I think he likes you. I never said fixing shirts meant anything about love."

She looks me over. "Okay, whatever. All I'm saying is is that Connor and I are just friends with benefits."

"Okay, fine."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Really, because this whole conversation seems to have put you on edge, even though you started it."

"I am not on edge," I huff, "And if I am, can you blame me? My kids are not here."

Lourdes lets out a sigh. "Yeah, I miss them, too."

I pause my work, letting the pencil fall limply to the side.

Lourdes looks at me. "But they're okay. Negan's...good with kids."

I put my head down in my arms on the table. "Negan used to intimidate the fuck out of kids because he thought it was amusing."

"Yeah, but those were high schools kids," She reminds me, "He never was a dick to little kids."

"He got recommended to the high school because he was too tough on fifth graders," I groan into my arms, "Negan doesn't know what the age limit is on bolting his trap."

"Oh, I'm sure he's doing just fine."

I lift my head."I never thought I hear you give him so much benefit of the doubt."

"Well...Negan's not that bad a guy when it comes down to the wire."

I look at the table. "Times have changed."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning we know he's different," I say, "Like...we're different." Except maybe worse…

"Yeah, but if you thought he couldn't be trusted, you wouldn't have sent the boys with him, would you have?"

I exhale. "No."

"Well, then stop worrying and be glad that in a few days, you'll have the kids back."

"Yeah…"

…

The next few days drag on, but it's finally been two weeks and it's time to meet Negan at the halfway point we agreed on.

Today was the first day I didn't have to force myself out of bed. I can't even describe how excited I am to finally get them back.

"You sure you wanna go alone?"

"Yeah, it'll be fine," I throw my backpack in the passenger's seat, "I'll be back before sundown."

"Alright…" Martin looks at me, somewhat apprehensive.

"What?"

He shrugs. "What if you run into trouble?"

"Trouble better get running." I smirk.

He smiles back. "Alright, but you know he rolls with an entourage, so what's the big deal if someone comes along?"

I look around. "Where's Lourdes?"

"Helping with the repairs to the west end of the wall," He says, "Why? You were gonna ask her to go?"

"Well, she is my right hand."

"Right, but she's busy."

I look at him, arching my brow. "You want to go?"

He shrugs. "Someone should. Doesn't have to be me."

I huff. "Alright, solider, load up."

The two of us leave Halcyon. The roads are wet from the sludge. It's an ugly fucking day.

"Turn the radio on."

"Is he supposed to get a hold of you?"

"Well, I should hope."

Martin turns on the radio. It chirps like it always does and then is silent. He sticks it on the dashboard. We're both quiet for a few moments.

"So...a few people have been asking questions lately."

"Oh, yeah?" I keep my eyes on the road. "About what?"

"When the debt's gonna be paid off." He turns his head. "They said when they ask you, you say 'soon' and when they ask Lourdes, she says whatever you say."

I nod. "What do you tell them?

"I said I'd ask."

I nod again with a sigh through my nose.

"They know something's up, Pip," Martin tells me, "You gotta tell 'em that we're over the barrel with the Saviors."

"I know I do."

"So, what are you waiting for?"

"The right words."

"The right words?"

"Yeah, you know, how to break it to them in a way that doesn't make me look like I made a huge fucking mistake because I used to fuck the leader."

"Well, I hate to say it, darlin', but no matter what you say, as soon as they find out you lied to them about the deal; they're gonna be pissed."

I exhale, frustrated. "Let's not talk about it right now."

Martin looks out his window. "You glad to have the kids back?"

"More than words can do justice," I answer, sniffing from the cold, "Halcyon's not the same without them."

"No?"

"No," My breath curls out in front of me, "Turn on the heat."

"It doesn't work in this one."

"What?" I look at the unit, trying to flick on regardless, "Why didn't you tell me before I picked this one?"
"I thought you knew."

"No, I didn't," I groan, "Great, so we have to freeze our asses off."

"Yep, afraid so."

"Fucking great."

Martin starts to laugh.

"It's not funny," I scoff, "It's thirty degrees out."

"I didn't say it was funny."

"Then why the fuck are you chuckling?"

"You fucking would pick the only truck that's unit is busted."

I huff, trying not encourage him with my own laughter. "Fuck you."

…

The air is silent. There's not even a peep from birds or insects because of how moody the weather is. Martin and I arrived to the meet up point first, which I suspected would happen. Negan always used to chide me for being late, but these days it seems like he's the one who's always behind. I think he does it to be an asshole. That whole fashionably late thing, except it's worse because it's Negan.

His delays have been initially welcomed because it's always a kick in the balls to have him come in take a portion of the fruits of our labor, but this time is different. He's late with bringing me my kids and I don't fucking like it one damn bit. This I know he's doing on purpose to piss me off.

"Want one?"

"I haven't smoked in years." I reply with chattering teeth.

"Well, do something other than pacing." Martin says, putting his cigarette to his lips.

"Where the fuck are they?"

"On their way."

"We agreed to meet at two," I bark, "It's three-fifteen."

"Maybe some branches fell in the road," He suggests, "Or some drifters got in the way. Either way, the road's bad; he's probably just taken things slow."

"He better," I grumble to myself, "What if something's happened?"

"Stop thinking like that."

"I'm gonna radio 'em again." I go to the front and fish out the radio. I press the button on the side and hold it up to my mouth. "Negan, what's your location? Do you copy?" Silence.

Martin looks over as I stand there like a fool waiting for a reply. But then right as I'm about to chuck the fucking thing back in the truck, it statics.

"Mama bear, come in, mama bear." It's him.

"Where the fuck are you?" I shout back into the radio. "You're an hour and fifteen mintues late!"

"Whoa, don't yell, Jesus," Negan gripes with a chuckle, "You're making the radio screech."

"Where are you?"

"We're about ten miles out," He reports, "Should be arriving shortly."

"Why the fuck didn't you arrive on time?"

"Watch you mouth, mother, the children can hear you."

That definitely tugs on my heart string. "How are they?"

"Just peachy," Negan says, "The little guy's asleep in the back. Jol's upfront if you wanna say hey."

"Hey, Jol." I rasp.

"Hi, Mom."

A smile spreads across my face. "How you doing?"

"Good."

"Yeah?" I try to hold back the sappy tears. "Do you miss me?"

"Yeah," He says, "Do you miss me?"

"Like you've been gone a hundred years," I reply, "Give the radio back to Negan, baby, I wanna talk to him."

"He wants to know if you're gonna yell at him."

"No, I'm not gonna yell."

"...He said you don't sound sincere."

"Give the radio to Negan."

"Yello?"

"You better have a damn good explanation as to why you're late."

"Yikes, you can hear the scorn through your teeth, Pip."

I lick my lips, impatient. "Just get here, will you? I wanna get the kids home before it gets…" I stare at a movement in the woods beyond the truck.

"Did you cut out?"

Martin follows my gaze turning around.

"Pippa?"

I snap out of it. "Um, just get here before it gets dark."

"Aye, aye, captain."

I clip the radio to my belt.

"What is it?"

"I thought I saw movement," I tell him, glancing back to the trees, "I know I did."

"Probably just a drifter."

"It seemed quicker than a drifter."

"Want me to go check it out?"

"Alone?"

"Yeah."

I look at him, anxious. "I don't know."

"Yay, or nay?"

"N-No. It was probably just a deer or something."

"Ookay." Martin looks back to the trees. "I hope you're right."

I meet the trees again.

"Hopefully, your dude's a speeder," Martin continues to smoke, shrugging off what I only saw in the trees, "It's colder than shit out here."

"He's got my kids in the car, so he better not be speeding."

"Oh, right."

I cock my brow. "Have you sped while driving with my kids in the car?"

Martin shrugs. "Little bit. There's no one on the road."

"Woow," I scoff, "So, you're telling me that in the rare occasions that you had the boys in the car without me, you were doing like mach twenty down the road?"

"No," He makes a face at me, "Trucks can't go that fast. Don't be dramatic."

"You sound just like…" I stop myself from saying it.

Martin looks over and I see his smile start to wane as he guesses my embarrassment. "The snow's gonna hit like a bitch by next week."

"Oh, you can tell?" I start to casually pace. "Was meteorologist one of your many trades?"

He flips me off and I cackle a little in return.

I exhale, getting antsy. "I might be okay with speeding if it means he'll hurry up."

"He's driving slow to bug you."

"Don't I know it."

"Did you happen to bring any food?"

"Yeah, for the boys if they weren't fed before they left."

"You really think he wouldn't feed 'em anything?"

"Hey, dad's are notoriously less on it than moms."

"On it?"

"Yes, like they don't think to think about that kind of stuff, you know?"

"Don't know, I'm not a dad."

"Well, I'm a mom, so trust me on this."

"And let me remind you that you don't really let either dad be a parent."

"God, whose side are you on?" I shove his shoulder.

"Yours, but I'm gonna shoot you straight."

I huff. But then the thought of Eugene forms in my head again. I'm saddened. I would have trusted Eugene ten times more than I do Negan, strange as that sounds. Well, maybe at least with driving.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I breathe through my nose, "Just thinking when maybe I shouldn't."

He nods, before turning his head towards the road. A car rolls up the road. "Where's the other cars?"

I can see Negan's grin from here. The car pulls up just opposite to ours. Jolyon gets out of the passenger's side before Negan.

"Hey!"

"Hi, Mom."

I walk over to him, trying to hold back my joy. "Aren't you gonna give me hug?" I put my arms around him. "Are did you grow up too much since last time I saw you?"

"Growing up isn't such a bad thing." Negan shuts the car door.

"I'd shut it, if I were you," I shoot him a look, while keeping an arm around my boy, "You were late."

"I would have gotten here sooner, but Abel was dragging his ass eating lunch."

I tuck some windswept hair behind my ear. "You fed them?"

"They were hungry."

I nod, as if I wasn't just talking shit about him. I refrain from looking over at Martin, who is undoubtedly looking at me. "Where's Abel?"

"In the back, sleeping."

I walk to the car.

"Hey, Martin."

"Hey, kid," Martin greets behind me, "How's it going?"

"Good."

I stop when I see Abel resting his head on the window.

"See?" Negan comes ups at my elbow. "Safe and sound."

"Where's your men?"

"I drove alone."

"Really?"

"Is that so surprising?"

"A little bit, yeah."

"Well, you're right to be skeptical," He smiles, "They're a few miles down the road. I thought we'd do this like parents...didn't think you'd bring a date."

"Could you not stand so close?"

"Am I standing close?"

"Yes, and you know that."

"I like being close to you," He chuckles, "You're pretty and I know what you look like under these clothes."

"Well, keep it up and you'll forget what I look like naked."

"How could I forget?" He touches my elbow, turning to face me, "Whenever I close my eyes at night, all I can see is you on top of me, riding me like a-"

"If you utter another syllable, I will leave you dead on the side of this road for the drifters."

He grins, but listens.

I knock on the window until Abel stirs. He rubs his eyes and then looks up. His face lights. "Mommy!"

I open the door. "Hey, baby!" I help him unbuckle his seatbelt. "How are you?"

"Good!" He wraps his arms around me. "I missed you!"

"You did?" I kiss his cheek. "Oh, I missed you, too!" I brush a hand over his head. "Did you have fun at your dad's?"

"Yeah, Dad let Jolyon shoot bottles on the roof!" He tells me with glee.

"He did?" My eyes move to Negan.

"Yeah, I got to throw rocks, because Dad said I was too young to shoot a gun."

"Oh, wow, sounds like a good time," I set him down, "Do you have your stuff?"

"Yeah, it's in here." Abel climbs back in the car.

"Now, Pip, before your blood gets hot," Negan puts his hand out, "It was only a revolver. Nothing big."

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" I scoff. "You think I'm pissed over the size of gun?"

"No, I thought it'd make you laugh and lessen the blow."

"I can't believe you!" I growl. "What if they would have gotten hurt?"

"They didn't."

"That's not the fucking point!"

"Calm down."

"Do not tell me to calm down!" I snap at him. "Do you know how irresponsible that is?"

"Some would say I did the responsible thing by not letting the four year old have a turn with the gun."

"The bag's kind of heavy."

"I'll take it, honey," I sling the bag over my shoulder, "Say goodbye to your dad."

"Now, hold on, I need you for something."

"Ha-ha."

"No, it's not a sex joke." Negan calls out.

My face warms as my eyes lock eyes with Martin.

"I actually need to borrow some of your guys."

I guffaw. "You're joking, right?"

"Perfectly serious."

I turn with furrowed brows. "For what?"

"Special project."

"Elaborate."

"Our electricity is shit because of the cold," Negan explains, "I need some of your people to come fix the rolling blackouts we've been having."

"Can't yours do it?"

"If they could, I wouldn't be asking."

"We're not your handymen, you know?" I scoff. "We're not just gonna come patch every hole you need patched."

"May I ask you to reconsider?" Negan raises his brows. "Light of my life?"

I roll my eyes. He never says that without sarcasm. "How long would it take?"

"How the fuck should I know? I'm not an electrician."

"I'd have to ask for volunteers," I tell him, "Hope that someone does."

"I think I can count on more than hope, darlin'," He grins, "I've got you to help me out there."

I huff. "I'm not forcing anyone to go to your factory."

"No, but maybe you could give them a little incentive to want to volunteer."

"Incentive?" I raise my brow. "What? You want me to sleep with the first hand to goes up?"

He laughs under his breath. "You'd get a lot more volunteers that way, I'm sure, but no."

"You sure?" I toy with the lapel of his jacket. "I could maybe ride them like...what was the simile you were gonna use before I cut you off?"

"If you don't quit now, I'm gonna pull you in and kiss you. We both know how much you'd hate that."

"Yeah, you're not the best of kissers."

"Shut your fucking mouth." He chuckles.

"I'll ask around, but don't blame me if no one cares about your electricity."

"Make it worth their wile."

"We don't have a points system, honey," I pick up the kids' bag, "I don't have any type of bribe or intimidation, oh, I mean 'incentive' to make people want to do dumb shit."

"It's not dumb shit."

"It is for my people."

"Pippa, come on, I'm not kidding around," He finally sighs, "I need the blackouts to end."

"Aw, is it hard to look at your wives' tits in the dark?"
"As a matter of fact…"

I groan. "I'll ask around." I walk off. "Alright, get in the car."

"Oh, Pippa?"

I look over my shoulder to find Negan curling his finger my way. "What?"

"Why don't you and the kids load up with me and your little boyfriend can ride alone?"

"What? You're coming back with us?"

"I need that answer now."

"Well, stay put," I retort, "I'll radio you."

"You'd leave me out in the cold?"

"Yeah."

"Pip?"

I look over to Martin. I exhale, going over. "Yeah, I'm trying."

"Charlie's the one who got our power running."

"Doesn't mean he'll go."

"He might, if I or someone else goes to help."

I furrow my brows at him. "You'd do that? For them?"

"To keep shit civil, yeah."

I scoff, glancing over at Negan who's got a smug smirk on his face.

"Look, it'll take maybe a day to fix."

I bite my lip. "Fine."

Martin nods, before going to the car.

"Are we riding with Martin?" I put my hands on my hips, peering over at the kids. "Him, or Dad."

"Who are you gonna ride with?" Abel asks.

"You gonna go with whoever I go with?"

"Yeah."

I smile. "We'll ride with your Dad to keep him from crying."

"Dad doesn't cry," Abel follows me, "He's tough."

"I'm sure he started that rumor." I get in the car.

"Good choice, dear."

"I just didn't want to hurt your feelings." I buckle my seatbelt.

"Hurt my feelings?"

"Yeah, because the boys would've gone to whichever car I would have gone to and you know it."

"Only because they haven't seen you in two weeks."

"And because I'm their favorite."

"Sure, you're trying to spare my feelings?"

I force my smile to quit.

"Mommy, can we have turkey for dinner?"

"Turkey?"

"Yeah, we had turkey last night for dinner at Dad's house."

I give Negan a look. "No, honey. We're having shepherd's pie."

"Aw, we always have that!"

"Hey, cool it, your mom's a decent cook."

"Decent?"

"It was a compliment, baby."

"Don't think I've forgotten about that whole shooting bottles on the roof thing."

"I was bonding with the kids."

…

I button the top of my jeans. Yeah, I slept with him. The boys were exhausted, so they dropped as soon as they got home. I came to the bedroom to nap and Negan followed with the "same idea in mind" but we ended up talking about how the stay went and things sort of took off from there.

Apparently, things went really well. Negan was more than enthused to tell me all about it. What can I say? I'm a sucker for Negan as a daddy. The way he talks about them and the things they did at the Sanctuary...he's too fucking cute not to fuck.

"Man, you really should be charging a fee, because you are that fucking good."

"You couldn't afford me."

"Really? Because I remember you dropping your drawers for next to nothing...biscuits and gravy."

"Well...you give good dick." I murmur.

"Admit it; you were turned on by how I fathered the shit out of those kids."

"Stop." I nudge him away.

He puts his arms around me, inhaling on the back of my neck. "Why don't we go back to the bed?"

"Because you need to get going, Savior boy."

"I'm the leader, sweetheart," Negan turns me around, "Don't you forget it."

"It's all I think about when you're on top of me." I wryly retort.

"Feels good, don't it?" He grins, "Knowing the leader of the Saviors wants you?"

"Sounds slightly predatory," I scoff, "And I'm not one of those workers sleeping on the floor, so it has little to no appeal to me."

"You're such an asshole."

"Just keeping up with you, babe," I pat his arm, "Now, scoot. It's gonna get dark soon."

"I'm not afraid of the dark."

"Since when?"

Negan snickers. "I love you."

"So, you say."

"I do," He moves closer, "I know I haven't exactly shown it, or at least not to your satisfaction."

I look into his eyes. I drape my arms over his shoulders and he touches my sides. "I know you love me."

"Good." He pecks my lips.

"And I love you."

He kisses me again in response.

I sigh into the kiss, touching his face. "I wish I would have stayed longer."

"What?"

I smooth my thumb over his beared cheek. "I wish I would have waited for you longer."

His eyes read my face.

"Our lives would have been so different."

"You think?"

"Yeah."

"And you'd want your life to be different than it is now?" He asks. "You're the leader of a functioning community."

"Yeah, but we'd be a family," I kiss him, "You would've got to see Jolyon grow up and Abel."

A small, plain smile forms on his face.

"Don't you wish we would have found each other?"

"We did find each other."

"Yeah, but after we've established ourselves elsewhere," I remark, "In places we can't move from."

"You could move," He says, "You always got a place with me."

"Or you could move here."

Negan scoffs, humored. "Yeah, I don't think so."

I knit my brows. "What?"

"Come on, Pip," He smiles at me, "You don't mean any of this. You like being the leader of this place. You fuckin' underhanded the first leader and literally a cut throat to get where you are. You're telling me you'd give up that for a different life?"

I stare at him. "Are you saying you wouldn't?"

"Fuck no," Negan shakes his head, "I'd still be where I am today."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I like where I am," He says, "I save people."

I move out of his touch. "So, fuck us?"

"No, that's not what I said," He rolls his eyes, "I'm saying I'd still be who I am, but I'd have you and the kids."

"And your wives?"

"You know, that's getting really fuckin' old."

I scoff. "So, you wouldn't want a do over, if you had the chance?"

"I'd want my family with me, but what I do is important and I wouldn't change it for anything else."

I look at him, incredulously stunned. "Wow."

"Oh, come on, Pippa, you wouldn't give this shit up, either."

I bring my lips to a close.

Negan exhales, shoulders sinking as he rubs his face. "You always fucking do this."

"What?"

"Start shit that makes me look like the asshole when we were having a good time."

"You are the asshole," I reply, "Don't fucking point the finger at me! You said what you said, I didn't make you say it. It's not my fault it makes you look selfish."

"Oh, so I'm selfish now?"

"You've always been selfish."

"Oh, fuck, you know what? You wanted me to scoot, well I'm fuckin' out of here." Negan heads for the door. "Ta-ta."

"Here, you forgot this!"

He turns to see me holding up the middle finger. He gives it right back to me.

"Fuck you!"

"No, fuck you!"

"Get the fuck out!"

He opens the door to leave, but is halted. He looks down. "H-hey, pal."

"Were you fighting?" Abel asks him.

"Uh, no, we weren't fighting."

"You were yelling," Abel says, "How come you guys always fight? I thought you loved each other."

"We...we do."

"Then why are you always yelling?"

"Because parents fight sometimes."

"You fight all the time."

I pick at my thumb. "It's alright, Abel. We just had a disagreement. That's all."

Negan looks back to me.

"Your dad and I love each other."

"You should come back with us next time."

I meet Negan's eyes. "That's up to your dad."

"Dad?" Abel looks up. "Can we go back with you?"

Negan stares at me for a moment more and then to Abel. "Not this time, Abel. I want the power to be back on, before you stay again."

"Can Mom stay next time, too?"

Right as I go to look at Negan, my eye catches sight of Jolyon on the couch, staring at me. It makes me furrow my brows and then peer over at Negan's delayed response.

"I don't know."

Thanks for reading!

CLTex: Yeah, there weren't many details about the boys' stay in this chapter, but things are gonna start to unravel soon.

Guest: Thank you so much! I appreciate the feedback.