There a lot of things nobody tells you when you're the eldest.

You have to watch after the younger ones- no matter what. I had done a lot to protect my younger siblings, sometimes in big ways and sometimes in small. My brothers used to have bullies. My sister used to leave evidence at crime scenes. Was this ever repaid? Rarely, and with blood.

Everything your parents do to the youngers, they test it on you. Mom and Dad tried their best, often it just wasn't enough for me. They tried to learn how to show their kids love with me, I felt things differently than they showed. Mom had her favorites, and Dad had his. I wasn't in either category. They showed their own ways of love, with words that felt empty and hugs that felt constricting. My brothers soaked it up. I shied from it. Darcy understood me- Darcy showed me and received from me in equal measure. We were a perfect set.

When you don't protect your family, you feel damned. My sister had often gotten into trouble that was harder to fix. Sent to jail, sex trafficking, the occasional drug binge. I would always- always- pull her out from those scraps.

Cause if I didn't-

If I left her alone-

Her parents- the Andersons- said that she was the baby. I had to watch over her, protect her, keep her from trouble. What kind of monster would I be if I left her alone?

(On the opposite side, the Spencer's never gave me such advice. Nah- they gave that to my brothers. Told them to watch out for their sister. That I was the problem child, the black sheep.

So what if I was? No child wants to hear that from their mom at 8.)

Darcy needed protection.

And I had let her down.

(Literally.

Pushed her to the very bottom.

She trusted me and I killed her.

And I kept killing her.

Because she knew- she had to know that I had no choice. Darcy had gone too far. She threatened Lilac. There wasn't anything I could do-)

It was my fault she fell so far.

So, as Dean shared his story, of a monster that chased down Sam, I understood his pain on a level that tore apart my soul.

John had sent us to this new town. Children were being drained of their energy- starting from the youngest in a family then working up until age 13 before moving on to another family.

And oh- he had been smart. Posing as a doctor. Nobody expected a healer to be a killer- not on this scale.

My sister and I? We saw through The masks things like him wore. When first watching this episode, I saw the taint of him surrounding him a death omen. It came as no shock to me when Dean revealed it.

"We should have thought of this before. A Doctor's a perfect disguise. You're trusted, you can control the whole thing." Sam reasoned.

"That son of a bitch." Dean grumbled.

I was fighting an urge to hunt him down. Make him feel pain like he'd made others feel pain. To give him a punishment that he had well earned.

"I'm surprised you didn't draw on him right there." Sam half-joked. "You too, Raven."

I said nothing, merely thumbed the safety of my gun.

"Yeah well, first of all, I'm not going to open fire in a pediatrics ward." Dean reasoned.

Sam nodded. "Good call."

"Second, it wouldn't have done any good. The bastards bullet proof unless he's chowing down on something." Dean explained. "And third, I wasn't packing, which is probably a good thing cause I probably would have burned a clip in him on principle alone."

"You're getting wise in your old age, Dean." Sam teased.

"Damn right." Dean confirmed.

"Raven, what stopped you?" Sam asked.

My hand had gone up to my necklace, dragging my thumb along my necklace. Our necklaces, made into one. "What Dean said." I excused.

"And now I know how we're going to get it." Dean stated.

"There's only one way." I confirmed.

Oh- how I would make it suffer

Like they suffered

Like all those big brothers and sisters that could stand by and do nothing while their younger ones were hurt.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

"Shtriga, works through siblings right?" Dean began.

"Right."

"Yeah."

"Well last night-" Dean hinted.

"It went after Asher." Sam recalled.

"So I'm thinking tonight it's probably gonna come after Michael." Dean reasoned.

"Well we gotta get him outta here." Sam stated.

"Sam." I spoke. "We can't."

"Why not?" Sam questioned.

"It would blow the whole deal." Dean explained.

Sam paused. His eyes lit up in understanding, then disgust and rage. "What?"

"Yeah." Dean and I nodded.

"You wanna use the kid as bait? Are you nuts?" Sam ranted. "No! Forget it. That's out of the question."

It's the worst feeling of all

All I wanted to protect people.

Save them.

And now, to save a ward of children, I had to put one in jeopardy.

Nothing Darcy and I didn't do so she could have a fun weekend.

"It's not out of the question, Sam, it's the only way." Dean explained. "If this thing disappears it could be years before we get another chance."

"Michael's a kid." Sam argued. "And I'm not going to dangle him in front of that thing like a worm on a hook."

"We don't have any other choice. It's going after Michael either way. If we do this, then he won't be a helpless target." I explained. This only made Sam more enraged.

"Dad did not send me here to walk away." Dean snapped. Then he turned from us both.

"Send you here? He didn't send you here, he sent us." Sam argued.

"This isn't about you, Sam. I'm the one who screwed up, all right. It's my fault. There's no telling how many kids have gotten hurt because of me." Dean explained.

"What are you saying, Dean, how is it your fault?" Sam asked.

Dean said nothing.

All the times I failed my family

Sister

Brothers

Parents alike

How often have my failures been rubbed in my face?

"Dean. You've been hiding something from the get go. Since when does Dad bail on a hunt? Since when does he let something get away? Now talk to me man. Tell me what's going on." Sam demanded.

"Sam-" I began, trying to spare Dean the heartache.

"No Raven. I want to know." Sam insisted.

Dean put a hand on my shoulder. "It's okay." Dean told me. The three of us sat down on the bed. Dean began his story. "Fort Douglas Wisconsin. It was our third night in this crap room and I was climbing the walls man. I needed to get some air."

He explained what happened. That he had left Sam for a moment- just a few moments. Only when he came back, something was hurting Sam. The Shritaga. Dean tried shooting it, tried to get it off his baby brother. The thing flinched away at the shot.

That's when John launched into the room. He watched the monster escape. Convenient, wouldn't you say? He left his two sons alone- with a monster that hunted kids- young kids- kids their age- so he could hunt it.

From any other parent, this would be bullshit.

From John Winchester?

I'd believe it.

"Dad just grabbed us and booked." Dean continued. "Dropped us off at Pastor Jim's about three hours away, but by the time he got back to Fort Douglas the shtriga had disappeared, it was just gone. It never surfaced until now. Dad never spoke about it again, I didn't ask. But he...ah...he looked at me different, you know? Which was worse. Not that I blame him. He gave me an order and I didn't listen, I almost got you killed."

"You were just a kid." Sam dismissed, voice soft.

"This was not on you." I told him.

"Don't. Don't." Dean argued, shaking his head. "Dad knew this was unfinished business for me. He sent me here to finish it."

"But using Michael, I don't know, Dean." Sam admitted. "I mean, how bout one of us hides under the covers, we be the bait."

"No it won't work. It's gotta get close enough to feed- it'll see us. Believe me I don't like it, but it's gotta be the kid." Dean insisted.

Later, it turned out Michael overheard the plan. He denied it at first- until Dean said it was the only way to bring Asher back. To save him from the real life monster under the bed. Michael had seen it, just after Asher had been hurt. And he wanted to make up for what he'd done wrong.

Because of course he did.

Cause another thing?

They don't tell you about being the oldest?

You love every minute of it.

==DG==

Michael helped us stop the monster.

All the kids were set free, including his brother. Including Dean- from a monster that haunted his past.

John may have sent him here, as a punishment for John's own lack of care in past mistakes, but seeing Dean now was like a weight was lifted.

All it cost was telling one kid about the other monsters in the dark.

==DG==

AN: Ouch...I love causing her pain. Also I'm skipping Provenance- that episode just...it just sucked.

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