A/N: Not sure how in-character this AU really is, but I couldn't resist.

20. Christmas Our Way
'Verse: canon
Timeline: post-Season 4 AU
Date: December 2004

It wasn't supposed to be like this. That said, Jess couldn't really say he had any regrets. Sure, it was cold this time of year in New York, they didn't have much money to spare, and all in all, from the inside of their shoebox apartment, you wouldn't really know it was Christmas, but it wasn't so bad.

"Stop worrying so much," Rory told him, coming back to join him on the couch and handing him a warm mug. "We'll survive, Jess. It's not going to be like this forever."

He smiled because she was smiling and that meant it was impossible to do anything else. Honestly, he expected tears, especially this time of year, but no, not his Rory. She was stronger than he gave her credit for. She loved him more than he had given her credit for too. Otherwise, why on earth would she be there?

Putting his arm around her shoulders, he carefully pulled her closer, mindful of making her spill her coffee that was held tight between her two cold hands.

"You seriously have no regrets?" he checked, hardly daring to look at her.

"Never," she promised, glancing up at him and fixing her gaze until he looked at her. "I'm serious, Jess. No regrets, not one," she said with a winning smile.

He didn't have words to answer her, just leaned down and kissed her lips. As she kissed him back, he knew he didn't need Christmas lights or a tree or anything, because he had Rory and she was everything for him.

"You know," she said, pulling back a little then, "I used to beg my mom to bring me to the city for Christmas, to see the lights and everything. Now I'm here and they're great but this is better, you and me, just like this," she said, curling ever closer into Jess' embrace.

"Now I know you're lying," he told her, taking a drink of his tea. "Come on, Ror, who chooses damp walls over Times Square? Who chooses any of this over home?"

"Jess, stop it," she urged him, setting both their mugs down on the table and getting very serious with him. "Okay, so it would be nice to have a Christmas tree and presents and hey, more than one crappy radiator to keep us warm," she admitted, "but I'm here because I want to be. Christmas is not about all the decorations or the gifts or the food. Those are nice things, but the whole point of the holidays is to be with the people we love, to look at what we do have and be thankful we have it. I know you're not exactly a Bible reading kind of guy, I'm not that person either, but if you think think about the first Christmas, well, having less doesn't make a person worse off, not really. We have each other. I love you and if you love me too-"

"You know I do," he told her without pause, watching her serious expression turn into another brilliant smile.

"Then prove it. Make this Christmas merry by proving that you love me, that you believe in us, because I do," she promised him.

Jess didn't know where to begin in telling her exactly how much he loved her, how much he truly wanted to believe the way she asked him to, it just didn't come easy to a guy like him, to really believe that someone like Rory could love him that way.

"Next year, we'll be somewhere better," he said, pulling her back into his arms. "New York is getting expensive, but there are other places. Philly's getting cool now."

"I read that somewhere," Rory agreed, pillowing her head on his chest and holding him tight. "I think we could be happy there."

"I'm with you," said Jess softly, kissing her hair. "Trust me, I'm happy."