"I'm going to cook, so I will see you later." he shortly said while walking down the stairs. I walked behind him and stopped in the living room, he headed directly for the kitchen and disappeared into it.
I was kind of surprised by his actions, cause we had just had a pretty emotional conversation. I expected him to be more open, but he closed himself off instead. He was introvert, very introvert so to speak and talking about emotions wasn't really his thing. In the beginning I thought it was a typical man thing. Most man don't like talking about their feelings, but Severus was one step worse. Well, worse? Was it really a worse thing? Maybe for now it was, but not for in daily life I supposed.
I started to know Severus more and more, even though his well-kept façade of showing no emotions except anger and/or frustration. He presumed a lot of people hadn't come that far as I had come in all this time with him. I saw him at home, his safe place. I saw his daily routine. I had seen photo's he had kept away on the attic, his past- or at least a snap of his early years. I wanted to know more about it, but I supposed he would get agitated if I did so, so I decided not to.-. I presumed I was the only one who had seen all of that in years. But at the end, they were all assumptions.
Sounds of pots and pans came from the kitchen which meant that Severus had already started. I got myself about potions and dropped myself in an armchair.
I didn't really get the book, cause I had no idea what it meant with most of the ingredients were, so reading how to prepare it was useless. However, reading about the purpose and qualities of the potions was quite interesting. For as long as I knew, magic had no boundaries. Anything was possible with the right material. Scary in the hands of people who wanted to do harm, I supposed, but marvellous for everyone else.
After some time, Severus said loudly from the kitchen: "it's done." His movements- which made some noise- distracted me from the book and I looked up. I placed the book back on the shelve and walked into the kitchen.
Severus had already set the table, like usually, and sat on his chair across the table. I did the same and seated myself on mine and looked at the three pans in front of me. One was filled with two big chicken drumsticks, the other two had the lids still on them.
"You are allowed to get one." Severus said, while gesturing with a wave of his hands to the chicken drumsticks. I nodded and reached out my hand to get one.
"What do you think you're doing?" Severus snarled out of the sudden, my hand half way towards the chicken. I stopped moving my arm and looked up at him with a confused face. I had no idea what I was doing wrong at this point.
"Getting a chicken drumstick, like you said." I replied on a normal tone and moved my hand further towards the chicken. "Stop!" he said agitatedly. I stopped again and retreated my hand, on which he seemed to become relieved.
Severus narrowed his eyes and gazed at me, then at the chicken, then back at me.
I was confused and wondered why he had become so frustrated by me doing what he had said.
"Could you behave decent, at least during supper?" he asked, still frustrated. I had no idea where he was talking about. I had behaved decent, what was he saying!?
I frowned and said straight up what I thought.
"I behave decent, so I have no idea where you were talking about." I snarled in return. He rolled his eyes and looked at the chicken, then at me. "Get it out of the pan with your cutlery. That would be decent. A person doesn't get a piece of chicken with her hands and certainly not a woman." I sighed in frustration -cause how could someone get himself that agitated about getting a chicken drumstick with her bare hands? Let's say he was a remarkable person, his bad and good sides, all remarkable- and rolled with my eyes.
"Well okay, if you want I grab it with my cutlery. Fine." I grabbed my knife at fork, lifted one of the drumsticks out of the pan and placed it on my plate. I looked at Severus for a confirmation of my doing and he nodded. He did the same and got himself a drumstick.
He opened the two other pans, with which he revealed boiled potatoes in one and cauliflower in the other.
He nodded with his head towards the pans, a gesture for me to take some food first. I got a big spoon and put some food on my plate. The food looked good, like it had done all the previous times. He was just very good at cooking. Maybe I had to crib once when he was cooking to learn it too. Or I could grab a book. The last one was probably better.
"It looks really good." I complimented him. He seemed to not handle the compliment very good, cause it took him some time to simply thank me for it with a soft and low-pitched 'thank you'.
We started of eating in silence, which was uncomfortable since our plan was to talk, but neither of us started off. I had no idea how- at least not in a way we would not get another quarrel- and Severus apparently neither until the moment he began speaking.
"The future…" he started, but kept himself from ending the sentence. He had made the word 'future' a bit longer to indicate he only wanted to bring up the main topic. His gaze towards me was an expecting on. I simply nodded in response and waited for him to go on.
"well, ehm, like I said upstairs, you can stay here and come and live with me here." he hesitated to continue and was in debate whether he should say. "Well, maybe not here, but I still need to think over some things." he added. I bit on my lip in confusion, which he of course noticed.
"I mean that I am a teacher at Hogwarts, a boarding school, so that means that I normally live there. I'm only here during the holidays, so I need to figure out how to do that, since you can't come with me." "Why not?" I inquired. "Cause you are too young to get lessons and I can't give the care of you to someone else at Hogwarts
I nodded. He was right. That wasn't an option. And giving up his job to take care of me felt not right.
I despised my age for at least this moment, but realised that I did it quite a lot. I wished I was older and more independent. Now I was always depent on adults who needed make most important decisions for me. Despicable. I was capable of making most decisions on my own, or at least I thought. I just needed them for a house and food and many more things.
"But if you can't take me with you and, I think, you want to keep your job, how are you getting there every day? I guess it's far away, cause it took Rowan some time to get there and he is an owl." Severus nodded understandingly, but with a sense of irritation.
"Haven't I just told you I have to think." he snarled. I was surprised by his sudden hostility, but I knew he didn't meant it to attack me. He was just agitated, like he always was when we talked about us. He still wasn't comfortable with the thought of now having me and I doubted if he would ever become. But I couldn't let his comment pass that easily.
"Well, I'm sorry mister Potions Master. I was only trying to help figuring this out." I retorted contemptuously. The Potions Master himself frowned and narrowed his eyes in displease at my remark.
"Don't act this way, missy. Believe me if I say that I would have already given you detention if you were one of my students." he stated strictly. I staid silent and knew he meant I was walking on the border of his patience. Talking would only result in trouble whatever I said, so I decided not to. Severus seemed pleased with my decision and continued.
"I need to think everything through." he said, but rolled his eyes to the side, which gave me the indication he wasn't satisfied with statement. "At least more than I have already done." he grumbled in addition and seemed even more displeased with this sentence.
He seemed to have no idea on how to say what he wanted to say. However, I made no attempts by helping him. Was careful not to start another quarrel between the two of us. We had already had enough of those.
Severus slightly growled, but seemed to have finally found the words to continue. The growl gave me the feeling he wasn't completely content with the feeling.
"As I have already told you." he started off. "You can stay here to live. You will not come with me to Hogwarts, but I am not even sure if I can go back to there, since I have to take care of you." His voice had deepened and gone more serious as ever. His displeasure about it was great, but I wondered what he had actually meant. The care of me? Or not going back to Hogwarts. I knew for sure the first one, but was the second one also possible? The both of them at the same time? He lost his job thanks to me actually, so I could imagine it being the truth.
"I think I need to find another job then." he stated, trying to stay cool, but I had clearly sensed a sad feeling inside of him. Was he so attached to his work? Probably so. Why else would he so much care about getting another one?
"Or you go to a babysitter when I'm off at Hogwarts." he suggested a bit happier. "A babysitter?" I exclaimed incredulously right after his suggestion. A babysitter!? What was that man thinking!?
He had noticed my indignation, so he said: "yes. Well, maybe that's not the right word." He tried to keep the idea a serious option I also agreed with. "I just mean someone who takes care of you when I'm gone." he added in an acted friendly way. He clearly wanted me to like the idea, and he was succeeding more and more, I had to admit, but the word 'babysitter' had just pissed me off. However, I knew that I couldn't live on my own- a ten year old after all- and that I needed someone else, an adult.
I was still thinking about it when Severus said: "well, it's just an idea." He waved the idea of with a movement of his hand and continued more seriously now.
"Well, how I see it for now is just like this. The two of us, here, in this house." He looked at me to see my reaction. I simply nodded and took a bite of a boiled potato.
"How I see the further future remains, like I said, a bit unknown. I still need to think things over to make the right decision for the both of us." I got another expecting look and just nodded again. My gesture seemed to please him, cause he nodded and took a bite of a piece of cauliflower.
I staid silent and thought about what he had said. I didn't like the fact he still wasn't sure about the course of the further future- since he had had enough time to think about it in my perception. I had not came here yesterday after all.-, but I had to admit that was happy with his idea of the nearby future. Staying here, in his house, wasn't one of the worst outcomes.
We had resumed supper in silence until Severus spoke again.
"And what is your idea of the future?" he asked. He seemed genuinely interested, so I took his question very seriously.
"I agree with your idea about the nearby future." I began. Now, it was my turn to give him an expecting look. It felt like I needed to know his reaction. And till my surprise, he gave me one. A slight nod to express his delight about my agreement.
"And about the further future…" I took a few seconds to decide how I was going to finfish that sentence well. "I don't know." I admitted. Severus raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I had forgotten about your job at a boarding school." I explained softly. Softly because I had gotten a bad feeling from his surprise about me.'
Severus just nodded and said: "I understand. I will think about what next." he said with enough, maybe too much, load of self-esteem. A bit annoyed by his sudden arrogance, I just nodded in response.
Severus nodded too, which indicated that the conversation had gotten a conclusion and that it was over now.
We resumed our meals again, in silence, but seemed to enjoy it more than ever. That had never occurred before, but I couldn't care. It felt nice, so why would I interrupt the great feeling with thought? Exactly. Not.
Author's Note:
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