"Scary movies don't really bother me." Even though we've been in his house for about twenty minutes already, I'm just now reaching down to take off my fur boots. I kind of wanted to wait until we found a movie to watch before I got all comfortable and now that he decided we're gonna watch one of the old Friday the 13th movies, I can get comfy. I pull my boots off my feet and put them on the floor next to the couch. I pull my legs up and tuck them underneath my body. "I've never really seen a scary movie that bothered me enough that I couldn't sleep. I don't really understand how some people can't make the connection that it's just fiction…you know?"
"Some people just don't have that ability I guess." He's busy setting up the DVD player to his living room TV. "Like Iz. She hates scary movies. It's not to the point that she won't watch them because she still will watch em with me. But she hates them. They freak her out real bad…especially demon movies. Movies about possessions and demons and stuff? She won't watch them at all." He shoves the disk in the player and grabs the remote. "Scary movies don't mess with me either though."
"Speaking of…" I lie my head against the back couch cushion and watch while he makes sure the TV is on the station it needs to be on and stuff. "Where is she? Is she working late again?"
"Yeah." He pushes play on the DVD and the movie's previews start. "She was supposed to be home at like 8, but one of the derm attendings called in sick so she has to stay the overnight." He sits down on the opposite end of the couch from me and kicks his feet up on the coffee table. "We've been on opposite schedules for the last couple weeks. If she doesn't get off early or if I don't get out late, we never see each other." It doesn't sound like it bothers him too much but again, I'm not that fluent in speaking Alex's language yet so he very well could be upset I just can't see it.
"That sucks." I lean forward and pick up the can of Pepsi he offered me when we first got here. He offered me another beer but if I drink too much then I'll be all drunk and I don't want Alex to see me drunk. So I just settled for a can of Pepsi instead of a beer. "It's nice that you guys know that you've still got each other even when you don't speak though." I put my Pepsi back down. "How long have you and Izzie been together?" I've been curious about that for a while but I'm just now feeling comfortable enough to ask him.
"Off and on for four and a half years." He says that so fluently and so quickly, he didn't even have to think about it…which surprises me, because usually guys have to think really hard about their anniversaries and birthdays and such. He must really love her to be able to rattle off the exact number right off the bat. "We met when I was an intern. I was 27 and she just turned 28."
"She's older than you?"
"Told you I have a thing for older chicks." He chuckles. "Only by a little bit. Her birthday's on the 28th of June and mine's on the 5th of January…so she's not that much older." He scratches the stubble on his chin and turns towards me. "When's your birthday? I don't think you ever told me…"
"May 5th." I move my hair from the middle of my back and start to watch the movie. "…Do you think you'd be able to survive a scary movie? Like… if you had to be in the scary movie and all that shit was happening to you in real life… do you think you'd be able to survive it?" Some girl just got murdered in the shower with a pickax and the screams sound so fake and edited. I can't believe this movie would be considered "scary" back in the 80s. "I like to think I'm smart enough to survive. You just can't be stupid… like don't split up, don't go places alone and never turn off the lights…those kinds of things."
"I could probably survive it. If you follow the rules like you said, it's not that hard to survive it." He's staring straight forward at the TV, watching as blood is gushing out of this girl's skull. "It kills me when they run into the woods like idiots. Like whatever's in the woods is gonna save them, they go straight for the woods. They don't go for a car or a road or something that'll lead them to people. No, the idiots go straight into the woods."
That makes me laugh because he's so right. "Or wait no, when they run PAST the front door and go downstairs or upstairs. Like why go PAST the front door just to hide in the basement? You deserve to die if you're that fucking dumb."
"Or how about when they fall? The dumb blonde always falls down and breaks her hip or something and she takes ten years to get up. She was running, fell and the killer that's chasing her catches her while he was WALKING. There's no way that should happen. I don't care if you're running with track-star speed, the killer is still gonna catch your dumb ass if you fall."
"I know, right?" I'm looking at him but he's not looking at me. I find myself admiring him. He's so perfect, you know? The way his jawline is carved out the side of his face and the way his eyes are all dark but sparkly in the darkness… he's so perfect. "No, when they shoot the killer one time and expect him to be dead. Stupid asses. Shoot him until there's no more bullets in the damn chamber."
"You have to pass an idiocy test before they let you film a movie, don't you know?" He circles his tongue around the tip of his beer bottle before putting it down. He looks over at me finally and I look away quickly to make it seem like I wasn't just admiring his perfection. He holds his gaze on me for a really long time though. I don't even look him in his eyes. I pretend to be watching the movie. "What color are your eyes, Jo?"
I turn my head when he asks that and wrinkle my brow. "My eyes?" I widen my eyes and squint them like I can actually see them to see what they look like right now when I know damn well I can't see my eyes without a mirror. It's like trying to see my forehead. "They're…brown. Boring, poopy brown." Nobody's ever really asked me about my eyes before. They usually ask me if I've gotten lip injections or hair extensions but never about my eyes. "…Why?"
"I was just wondering. I couldn't tell." He shrugs it off like he just asked me casually about the weather. "And they're not boring brown. They're lighter than any other brown eyes I've ever seen, that's why I asked."
"Oh." I poke my lip out, shrug my shoulders and turn my attention back to the TV. And here I thought he was looking at me… here I thought he actually found something about me that's pretty. I'll just redirect the conversation… "We should like…write a book… about how to survive a scary movie. Name it Alex and Jo's guide to surviving a scary movie." I pull the sleeves of my sweater down and bawl my hands up into fists to hold them in place. "Think it'd sell?"
"Most definitely." To my dismay, he stops looking at me as well and starts to watch the movie. "…Rule number one, don't be blonde. Because if you're blonde, you will fall down and you will die." He grabs his bottle of beer again and takes a quick sip. "Blondes can be so dumb, it's a shame."
"…You're marrying a blonde." I lean forward and pick up my Pepsi. "And aren't blondes your type? You don't go after brunettes, do you?"
"I don't discriminate. If you're hot, you're hot. I do lean towards blondes though, but I don't really mind. I don't care what color your hair is." I think he's done with his beer because he puts the bottle back on the coffee table and leans back comfortably against the couch. "I've met some pretty hot brunettes in my day."
"Yeah I bet." I sigh. "So uh… rule number two." I desperately switch the subject of that conversation because I don't even want to think about if I'm on that list of hot brunettes or not. I'm probably not. I'm so not Alex's type. I can just tell that I'm not. "Don't have sex in the scary movies. If you have sex, you're a prime target and you can pretty much count on being killed while you're in the middle of it."
"Dude, that would suck." His tone is something completely serious which makes me laugh. He's so serious about it. "I'm not even laughing right now…that would seriously suck. Can you imagine being in the middle of some really good sex and just getting killed? Just like that?" I can't even take him seriously right now. I'm too busy laughing. "I'm so serious. That's literally the worst thing I can think of. Like at least let me finish…"
"Well would you rather have blue balls or die?"
"I'd rather die and I'm not joking." I let out the loudest laugh I've ever laughed in my life. "Go 'head and laugh but…" He chuckles to let me know that he finds it funny as well. "Obviously I really wouldn't rather die but blue balls hurts so bad… it's next to death. It hurts so bad…you don't even understand."
"Well I'm a girl, so…"
"So yeah, you wouldn't understand." He rubs his temple like he's stressed or something. "Imagine… imagine if you…" He sighs, frustrated. "Can I ask you a personal question?"
"Since when do you ever ask me if you can ask me a personal question?" I switch the positioning of my legs and put them flat on the floor because my knees are cramping up. "But sure…shoot."
"Do you shave?"
"Yeah? Don't all girls? Only dirty girls don't shave… I'm not a dirtball."
"Well I was just asking because some girls don't. Some girls think it's pointless to shave it so they just leave it natural I didn't wanna assume…"
"OH! You mean… you mean I shave my… oh." I feel my cheeks get hotter as I blush. "Um… I'm not disclosing that information." Of course I shave my crotch. I shave it completely bald…but I'm not gonna tell him that. Why would I tell him that? "Just assume that I do…finish what you were gonna say."
"I was gonna compare it to you cutting yourself shaving but…" He clears his throat, completely ignores the movie and turns to me. I adjust myself so that I'm facing him as well. "You really don't shave?"
"I didn't say that. I didn't say that I do and I didn't say that I don't. I said I'm not gonna tell you cause that's just… weird." I'm smiling so wide and bright but it's more so because I'm nervous and flustered over this conversation. "I'm not discussing the happenings of my vagina with you…"
"You'll tell me you're a squirter but you won't tell me if you shave yourself or not? Logical."
"Oh god." I close my eyes and feel my cheeks get even redder. "That's like me asking you if you shave your balls…I would never expect you to answer that." I cover my face because I'm blushing so damn hard right now. "…Are you one of those guys that care? Some guys don't give a shit but others are real picky about if it's hairy or not…"
"Well it depends." He nods. "If I'm just hittin' it then I don't care… but if you expect me to eat it…I care. I'm not getting hair in my mouth."
"OH MY GOD." I look up at the ceiling with really rosy cheeks. "You are so shallow! If the girl is clean then it shouldn't matter! It shouldn't matter if you're just having sex with her or if you're gonna go down on her. If she's clean then what does it matter? And if you do the job right, you shouldn't get hair in your mouth anyway. You're not biting… you're just licking."
"So why don't you just say it, Jo?" He's smiling just as hard as I am.
"Say what?!" I can't stop smiling… I can't.
"That you don't shave it. Just admit it. You're dropping all these hints that you don't. Just admit that you don't. It won't matter to me… you can just admit it."
"But I'm not saying that." I fold my arms across my chest and try so hard to stop smiling. "I'm not saying if I do or if I don't. It shouldn't matter. I'm not saying it." I comb my fingers through my hair. "….What do you think?"
"Well at first I thought maybe you did because you strike me as the kind of girl that definitely shaves, but now from this conversation, I don't think you do. I don't think you shave it."
"Okay then just keep it to yourself. Use your imagination because I'm not telling you."
"Or I'll just find out."
I turn my head and look at him. "…What did you just say?"
"You heard me." He mumbles that and keeps talking underneath his breath. "You talk a lot of shit that I'm not sure you can back up. It's one thing to talk a good game but…"
"What the hell do you mean?" I know I'm flirting so hard with him right now but he's flirting back and I can't help it. I really can't help myself. "I back all my shit up." I toss a couch pillow at him. "Goodbye Alex…you don't want none of this. Don't get beat up in this living room."
"You think you can beat me? Really? You're like two feet tall and 60 pounds. I wish you would try to beat me up little girl." He throws the couch pillow back at me and I whack him upside the head with it. "Stop playing, Jo!" He yanks the pillow off me and hits me back with it. I grab another one from behind me and slap him with it. "Please don't make me hit you!"
"Hit me then!" I reach across the couch and tap him in the back of his head with my hand. "You won't do anything! You won't do anything!" I keep giving him little bitch-slaps across his face and he's taking it in stride. "Come on, Alex… hit me." I bawl my hand up in a fist and lightly bop him on top of his head. "You're really gonna get beat up by a girl? Shame on you… didn't you wrestle?"
I guess he gets tired of me hitting him because he grabs my hands so quick that I don't have time to react and he pushes me back against the couch so that I'm lying flat down against the cushions. He pins my arms down so I can't move and hovers over me. "What are you gonna do now little girl?" I stick my tongue out because I can't move. "That's what I thought. Stop talking shit like you're six foot, 300 pounds. You'll get beat up." He lets my hands go but doesn't get away from me…he's still hovering. I'm looking up into his eyes and he's looking down into mine and I've never felt so good in my life. Please just let me kiss you…
He hasn't blinked yet and neither have I. The two of us are very discreetly in a staring contest. He said that it can't happen again, but… I swear I have to. And I swear this is the last time. I strain my neck and lift my head up and kiss him quickly then pull away. That was so quick that I didn't even get to taste his lips but it was something. I'm not satisfied though, and apparently…neither is he. He lowers his face down to mine, takes my bottom lip between his and sucks on it. I swear I'm melting…
He tangles his fingers inside my hair and I wrap my arms around his neck. I just don't want to break the kiss before I have to. I know he said that this can't keep happening and I agree with that. But how do I stop something that feels so right? How do I restrain myself when I want him this bad? I part my lips to allow his tongue inside my mouth and he accepts my invitation with ease. With his tongue deep in my mouth massaging my tongue, he takes his hands out of my hair and brings them down to my legs. I don't think he's comfortable with the current position we're in because he puts his hands on the backs of my knees and opens my legs so he can lay between them. I know very well that I should tell him to get off me before I do something I'll regret. I know that this is wrong. But how am I to stop him? How do I tell him no when I want this?
I lay my hands flat against the back of his head and stroke his hair while we kiss. I know this won't go any further than kissing so I'm determined to make this worth my while. I just don't understand how this could feel so right? I feel like this is what's supposed to be happening…even though I know I'm in the wrong. His lips are so glossy and smooth, my lips just glide right over them every time he darts his tongue in and out of my mouth. I push my tongue deep into his mouth with the same intense strength and he takes his hand from behind my leg where it was resting and puts it on my jawline as he pulls away. No… not yet.
Should I start apologizing now? Should I begin by telling him that I'm sorry for kissing him again? Fuck. What did I just do? The last time we kissed he told me we couldn't be friends anymore. He generously gave me a second chance and I just fucked up again. Damn. My arms are still wrapped around his neck and even though he stopped kissing me, he hasn't pulled back enough for me to look him in his eye yet. I take my arms away from his neck and slide them down his biceps all the way to his forearms. He holds himself up with his muscles flexed in a push-up position. We're still lying pelvis to pelvis with each other and I'm a little bit hypnotized by the fact that I can feel him against me…and he's hard.
I bend my knees while he's still between my legs and move my hands back to his head. His face is still down, almost level with my collarbone and he's not looking at me. I want to let him know that I'm sorry but at the same time I'd still like to be his friend if that's even possible at this point, so out of care, I stroke my fingers through his soft, fluffy brown hair softly. I would love to be able to play with his hair while he's lying on top of me all the time. I would kill to switch places with his fiancée for just an hour. I swear I'd treat him like a king for that hour.
He sighs and picks his head up while I'm rubbing his hair but instead of pulling away to tell me that we have to stop like I was expecting him to, he resumes to kiss me. YES… I open my mouth and he kisses me so harshly and so roughly that my head smashes back into the couch cushion. I need to pull back to breathe but he's not even letting me do that. He's kissing me like he's been starving and my mouth is the only source of food…hungrily. My hands are still in his hair but I don't rub his hair anymore, I grip it to let him know that I'm just as hungry for this as he is. He takes his lips away from my mouth and goes immediately, without hesitation to my neck. Oh god no… don't do that.
His tongue prods the space right underneath my chin as he drifts over towards my ear and down towards my chest. I roll my eyes to the back of my head and take a breath because I can't breathe. I'm so ready for him…in more ways than one. Mentally, I want him worse than I've ever wanted anything in my entire life. Physically, my body's ready for him as well. He's driving me crazy and making me so, so wet. In fact, I think my underwear are sticking to me. He softens his lips into a soft "O" shape and starts sucking on my neck. I bite my lip… he really has to stop before this goes further. I can feel the fact that he's already given me a hickey…I know he has. I take another sharp breath when he moves his mouth up to my earlobe. God…how does he know? How does he know what gets me going?
And to match what's going on between my legs, I feel him stiffening more and more by the second while he's working my neck with his mouth. I bite my lip so hard that if I don't cool it, it'll bleed. I wonder how he's faring with this…
Alex's Point of View.
First and foremost, she smells so…freaking…good. I don't even think it's perfume that's making her smell so good either because it's like the scent is embedded in her skin. I can always tell by a girl's scent whether she's clean or not and yeah, she's clean. She also has the softest skin I've ever felt in my entire life. Every single part of her is soft; her arms, her hands, her neck, her lips… her lips are soft as hell. I don't want to do this but I'm afraid at this point that stopping isn't an option. I'm way too curious about her to stop now. I just need to see what she's like. Like I said, she talks a real good game so I can't help but wonder if she really can back it up. Is this girl as perfect as she seems? Because from what I've been shown so far, Jo has no flaws. I can't find one single flaw on her body and I've been looking.
At this point she's probably thinking that I want to stop because again, I know Jo and it's not hard to tell how she thinks for the most part. She probably thinks that I don't want to do this and I plan on cutting off the friendship when this is over but that's not true. I don't want to stop just as much as I assume that she doesn't want to stop. I lower myself down on top of her body so that I'm lying flat against her, but I'm careful that I don't put all my weight on her because she's so much tinier than what I'm used to. I keep my face smashed inside the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent while I'm kissing her neck.
I slide my hands up underneath her shirt but keep them on her stomach. Damn, even her stomach is soft. Her skin is so smooth and blemish-free that it's unreal. She's lying flat against the couch with her hands on the back of my head and her hips stick out when she lies down. Her stomach is flat and I can tell that her thinness is natural. I wrap my hands around her hips and rub the indentations of them with my thumbs. I don't care anymore; this is going to happen whether I want it to happen or not. It's gonna happen sooner or later anyway…why not now? Even though I don't want to, I take my hands off her hips for a second and pull my shirt over my head. Her eyes are squinted like she can't bear with what's going on and she bites her lip when I'm shirtless. I think she caught the drift of the fact that I'm not gonna stop tonight because she leans up and pulls me back down on top of her.
I toss my shirt on the floor and kiss her lips again. Aggressively, she takes the lead on this kiss and sucks on my bottom lip so hard that it goes numb for a second. From the day that I started to get to know her up until now, there's always been so much tension between the two of us. I'm tired of acting like there's nothing between us. It's tiring and frankly, I find it easier to just have sex with her at this point than to act like it's never gonna happen. I grab the rim of her sweater and pull on it to let her know that I want it off. She sits up without breaking our kiss and allows me to pop her sweater off over her head and toss it on the floor. Her bra is pink and lacy with white lace trim around it. Like her hair is a big inconvenience to her, she reaches back with her hands and makes it so it's behind her and out of the way.
I can't wait any longer, so I put my face down to her chest and plant soft kisses in the crease between her boobs. Is it bad how right this feels? It feels so right to be doing this with her. It doesn't even feel wrong… I stick my tongue out and trace the visible skin of her boobs with it. I can hear her breathing becoming uneven but I can also tell that she's trying to control it. She reaches up and runs her fingers through her own hair with a low, monotonous gasp. She does everything so poised and perfectly…I wonder what she sounds like when she's moaning.
I've never been good with unstrapping bras so rather than fight with the clasp in the back; I pull her bra down as much as I can so that her boobs are coming out the top of it. I cup the left one with my hand and massage it, wasting no time occupying the right one with my mouth. I don't know why I'm surprised by the perfection of her boobs. I swear I already established that everything on this girl is handcrafted perfection…so why am I surprised that her boobs are perfect as well? They're not very big but they're honestly very far from small; they're big enough to satisfy me. Her nipples are in perfect proportion to her boobs. They're small enough to fit completely in my mouth.
I tease her nipple with the flattened end of my tongue which makes her take a deep, unsteady breath. I hear her mumble the word "fuck" to herself but the voice she said it with was a voice that suggested she might've wanted to moan instead. I move on to her left one, replacing my tongue on the right one with my hand. As if I needed anymore reassurance that she is clean, her boobs taste like soap. It's not a horrifying soapy taste, it's just very faint and dull…enough to let me know that she probably just washed before coming here. They smell like soap too.
I cup my hands around both her boobs and knead them while I deftly circle around her nipples with my tongue. She violently drags her fingers through my hair, leans down and kisses all over my head. Just by that gesture of her kissing me, I can tell that she's enjoying the hell out of herself. Honestly, I'm bored with her chest and I'd much rather find out what between her legs is like but I want to take things slow with her. I don't know why but I feel like I owe it to her to be slow and make sure she's comfortable and stuff. I don't think that Peckwell made her feel special and she is…you know? Not saying that I'm gonna be slow forever, because I probably won't be. If this actually escalates to sex tonight, I can't promise that I'm gonna be slow…I'll probably end up going so hard that I'll be out of breath by the first five minutes because I would…I REALLY would love nothing more than to make Jo scream. But I just feel like foreplay is the least I can do with her. I don't even know if she's wet yet. Maybe I should check that out…
I don't move my mouth away from her chest; I just stop massaging the one that's not occupied by my mouth and slide my hand down her stomach. I slide my thumb inside the top part of her pants to open them up to make it easier for me to get my hand in them. She doesn't seem to care that I'm moving from her chest to between her legs. In fact, she parts her legs a little bit more for me. I think she's wearing a thong because I don't feel her underwear covering her completely. They slim out the deeper between her legs I go. Yeah, it's definitely a thong.
Using the same tactic I used to get inside her pants, I slip my thumb down the front of her underwear first and I don't feel anything. I was expecting to feel a little bit of fuzz because we pretty much established the fact that she doesn't shave earlier. I already wrapped my head around the fact that her not shaving would be the only flaw I could find on her body, but she really never ceases to amaze me. I kiss her on her neck, sliding my entire hand down the front of her thong and listen to her breathing, which is still a bit unsteady. She's completely bald…it's smooth as a baby's bare ass. "Thought you said you didn't shave…"
"I…" She struggles for a minute to form a sentence without having to take a breath. I'm not inside her yet… I'm just rubbing my hand around it to get her even wetter than she already is. She licks her lips and sighs like she needs to moan really badly. "I never said that…" She's so petite and tiny but her thighs are super soft, warm and thick. I glide my hand further between her legs and caress the inner parts of her thighs. It doesn't make me any sense how soft every single part of her body is. I feel like my hands and my mouth are gliding across smooth velvet. She takes the break in my rubbing between her legs to sit up and unclasp her bra. I pull it off with the hand that's not between her legs and throw it on the floor along with her sweater and my shirt.
She doesn't lay back down flat against the couch though. She allows me to keep my hand between her legs but she sits up and starts fumbling around with the button to my jeans. When she unbuttons them and starts to unzip them, I dig my hand a little bit deeper between her legs and tease her around the outside for a second, making sure she's wet enough so that when I decide to push a finger in, it'll go in with ease. I notice she closes her eyes for a moment too long and bites her lip before she continues to slowly move her hand inside my pants. Her hands skillfully move along me, tracing my erection through my boxer shorts.
I lean forward and plant a soft, tender kiss on her neck. I know what I'm about to do to her, so I don't take my lips away from her neck; I keep my mouth there remaining still with my lips pressed neatly against her throat, breathing a breath here and there against her skin. Below her waist I gradually start to ease my single middle finger inside of her, eliciting a quiet gasp from her. Just like I expected her to, she stops touching me for a second as her breathing hiccups and she tilts her head back. She hasn't uttered anything above a slight whisper yet but if I have it my way, she'll be screaming in a little while. I don't move my finger in and out as usual; instead, I move it back and forth just to get her used to it. She's so wet that she's literally dripping down my hand.
She entirely stops playing around with me. In its place, she wraps her arms around my neck, parting her legs and taking my one, single finger deep. She buries her face in my neck and squeezes me tight like she's giving me a hug but I know that she's just doing it to cope with the fact that it's feeling good. She's breathlessly gasping in my ear and it's like music to me. I love hearing how I'm making her feel. I feel her teeth dragging against my neck while she's mumbling a couple swear words under her breath, which makes me smirk. Her hips are bucking towards me in a forward-backward motion like she's really, really enjoying this.
I can't deal with foreplay anymore. I want her so bad at this point. I don't even want her anymore; I need her. Even though she's really getting off with just my finger, I slide it out and hook my fingers on the rim of her pants. She knows what I want because she unwraps her arms from around my neck and helps me out. I grab her pants and her underwear at the same time and pull them both down. She lies down flat again and lifts her hips up so I can take her pants and underwear off. I toss them on the floor with the rest of our clothes and take a minute to just admire her perfectly naked body while she's lying in front of me, propped up on her elbows.
Her tons and tons of silky brunette hair is evenly distributed between being behind her back and clustered around her chest. Every part of her body is perfectly proportionate and a perfect reflection of everything I thought she'd look like naked. Her skin is off-white and cream-colored with little flecks of brown scattered all over her. She has beauty marks all over her body and for some reason, I find them incredibly sexy. I really like the one on her chest, directly above her right boob though. I guess she notices that I'm just staring at her because she grabs ahold of the rim of my pants and yanks on them. I was too busy admiring her body to realize that I'm not even naked yet.
I help her out and take the remainder of my clothes off, putting them logically on the floor. I'm assuming that the movie that was on the TV is over by now because the living room just went dark and I can only make out the shadows of her body. She doesn't have any trouble finding me in the darkness though; she places her hands flat on my back and pulls me down on top of her. I take one of my hands and use it to hold myself so that I can guide it inside when I'm ready. She hungrily forces my lips against hers and gives me a near desperate, passionate kiss. I slowly, carefully… push the tip and just the tip, of my erection… inside of her. She stops kissing me immediately when I do that and her mouth just drops.
I pull back and look at her face. Her eyes are closed and her eyebrows are twisted in a way that could suggest that she's in some degree of pain. Her mouth is open but not very wide…just wide enough for me to see the bottom of her teeth. I'm not sure if her expression means pain or pleasure so just to be careful, I go really slow and gentle as I ease the rest of myself deep inside her. I could just ask her if I'm hurting her but I'm not sure that she'd answer. She hasn't said a word to me since before I started fingering her. I'm still not sure if she's uncomfortable or not, so the first thrust I make inside of her is a slow one. She brings one of her hands up and covers her face with it as she muffles a moan. Okay, I'm not hurting her. I grab onto her hips to brace myself and draw my pelvis back as far as I can without slipping out of her. She takes her hand away from her face and as soon as she does, I make a really hard, deep thrust back inside and that makes her moan louder. "Ohhh…" Are you kidding me? Even her moan is perfect?
I can't even lie about this. She's everything I thought she'd be and more and I haven't even gotten started yet. She's so tight that I can barely slide in and out, she's dripping wet and her moan is the prettiest thing I've ever even heard. This is exactly how I thought it would be…maybe better.
Jo's Point of View.
I don't know when but sometime in doing all of this, I shut my brain off. I was seriously contemplating on stopping him and telling him no after he fingered me because I know this is so wrong and I know for a fact that I'm gonna regret this. I'm gonna hate myself for doing this but I just… I need this, you know? I need to know what I'm missing when it comes to Alex. I need to know that I had a chance and I didn't waste it, if that makes any sense. I don't know when I became someone's second choice but I'm coming second in Alex's life which is better than being nothing to him. Like I said, I don't know when it happened, but I managed to shut my brain off and stop thinking about all of that and I'm just going with it. I don't have any common sense or good judgment, remember?
I'm having the hardest time catching my breath. He's not going fast but he's thrusting so hard that I can't even keep up in my mind and I canNOT stop moaning, which isn't like me. Usually I can control my screaming/moaning/groaning/gasping but for some reason, he robbed me of that. I can't control myself. "Ahhhhhh…" He's holding me still by bracing himself using my hips so I literally don't have any other choice but to lie still while he's going so…incredibly…hard. "Oh god…" I dig my nails deep into his back and drag them to deal with the fact that I'm gonna… "Uhhh….oh god… oh my god…" I know scratching his back is a NO because that's gonna leave evidence but I can't help myself.
I want him deeper though. I want to be able to feel him so deep…I want to remember this. I hold him against my body and wrap my legs around his waist. His face is in the crook of my neck and his tongue is sliding all over my neck while he's drawing back and thrusting inside me at an even, rough pace. I curl my fingers through his hair and moan into his shoulder blade. He's grunting while he's thrusting which just means that he's going so hard. I scratch his back again and something inside me just… snaps. It's a shame that I know that scratching backs is a bad thing to do during sex, because it's not the first time that I've had sex with a taken man… Dammit Jo.
Don't get me wrong. I'm enjoying the hell out of this. But I feel so lousy. I feel horrible. I don't want to be expendable to him. I don't want this to be sex. I want this to be love and I know it's not. I didn't think that having sex with him would make him love me or feel for me in the same way I feel for him but I wasn't expecting it to make me feel this shitty. I just don't want to do this anymore. I wanna go home. I don't want this anymore.
This is never gonna happen again. This is a one-time thing and I'm actually nothing more than someone to lay over to him. He has a fiancée that he loves and if he didn't have me tonight, he would've just had her tomorrow. I'm nothing to him. I can't do this anymore. But I can't tell him how I feel because he'll just yell at me for "thinking that this is more than what it is" and we'll end up not speaking again and I don't want that. I'm loving every second of this… I haven't had sex this good in a while. But I really just want this to be over. "…Alex?" I whisper. I close my eyes and purse my lips so tears won't come out. I don't think he heard me…
I'm so damn worthless. Why can't I ever get with someone that loves me? Why can't I be like most normal people and be with a man that cares about me and loves me and doesn't just want sex from me? I wonder what that's like. What's it like to have sex with someone that loves you? What's it like to be with someone that thinks you're beautiful and not just sexy? I just want him. I want him to be with me and only me and I want him to want me as much as I want him and I want him to see me as ME and not just someone that he's having sex with. I want him to care about me…
I don't want to do this anymore… but I'm gonna stick it out at least until he finishes.