Chapter 21 - Battle

Hermione made it five steps into the darkness of the Slytherin dungeon's pitch-black hallways before she realized she was barefoot and hadn't paid attention to her path on leaving. She was lost. She listened for the sounds of the common room, but she heard nothing. Likely, it was still too early for the usual bustle of students. Frowning, Hermione reached for her wand. She knew she was too drained of her magic to make a proper patronus, but she might still manage a wisp to light her way.

Her wand wasn't there.

Hermione's brows furrowed with confusion. She searched her other skirt pocket for it, then went to look for it in her cloak and realized she was still wearing Malfoy's Quidditch jersey. Her robe, shirt, tie, socks, and shoes had been left in Malfoy's room.

As had her wand.

Hermione inhaled slowly and deeply against the rising panic within. Malfoy wouldn't keep her wand from her. He might be a cruel and manipulative arse, but he wasn't malicious without cause. Hermione shook her head and smiled sadly. For all that Malfoy prided himself on manipulation and subtlety, Hermione was beginning to find him quite obvious. He cared about her. The accusation that she might be whoring herself was awful and horrible, and her knee-jerk reaction had been to hit him for it and flee from his barbed tongue, but his purpose for saying it had been crystal clear to her.

He had wanted her to stop herself before she did something she regretted. In short, he had thought she needed protection from herself.

Hermione scowled at the thought. She hadn't asked Malfoy to step in… even if he had been right. Hermione's anger cooled to embers at the acknowledgement. She had gotten carried away. Regardless of what she might desire in the future with Malfoy, she would have regretted doing more in that moment. Hermione huffed in frustration and hugged herself, wishing she had her robe for warmth and the security of feeling covered.

Malfoy's bed had been so warm in comparison, especially when Malfoy had been pressed against her...

Hermione winced. She was physically attracted to Malfoy. Denying that at this point would be preposterous, but that didn't mean she knew where her heart stood or what she wanted with him. It didn't even mean she particularly liked him, given his tendency to manipulate through cruel words rather than just be open and honest. She thought back to how he had pushed her away earlier that night as well with his scourgify spell on her face. Even with his moral code, Malfoy was infuriating and terrible.

She was much better off heeding his warnings to stay away and stay distant. However, the curse tied her to him until she freed herself.

Then again, she didn't actually have to continue interacting with Malfoy. The book on morse code should arrive any day now. Hermione supposed she could just keep to herself and chat with Ginny and Professor McGonagall to manage her loneliness. She could simply mind her own business and keep away from Malfoy until she found a way to free herself away from him, and they would never need to speak again.

Hermione's eyes prickled as tears filled them, and her heart ached at the idea of ending her involvement with Malfoy. Even with all his thorns, the mere idea of losing his association filled her with horror and longing.

"No," Hermione whispered to herself, weakly protesting the intensity of the pain she felt. "No, no, no…" she moaned. She knew her heart well enough to know what it meant.

Of all the people in this castle, she had a crush on Malfoy.

Hermione slumped down and let the cold of the stone dungeon floors seep into her bare legs underneath her skirt as she adjusted to her new reality. She expected to feel mortified to have fallen for such a complicated, confusing, impossible man, but the only feeling that came forward was anger that he essentially called her a whore to protect her from herself.

Why couldn't he have just told her directly that she needed to stop? Or better yet, just stop for himself, since clearly the decision was not about what she actually needed but what he felt she needed. If he weren't so difficult, rude, and impossible, then maybe...

Hermione pulled herself to her feet and marched back in the direction she had come from, which would hopefully lead to Malfoy's room. She needed her clothes and wand, but more importantly, she needed to tell him off. She would tell him off for not being more honest with her, grab her stuff, and then…

Her steps faltered.

This was Malfoy she was talking about. Would she leave after she had told him off for communicating with her in the same way he had always communicated with everyone? Avoid him for essentially being himself without giving him an option to change?

Hermione snorted. Malfoy wasn't heartless. He obviously cared for her in some respect, but she knew his interest in her wellbeing was due to a mix of his moral code, his desperation for companionship, and the sheer sense of responsibility for the woman caught in his father's curse. He didn't value her for who she was. He couldn't. He was proud, and she wasn't anyone worth knowing in his world of pureblood aristocracy. He probably wouldn't even speak to her again if it weren't for the curse.

Hermione shuddered and took several deep, steadying breaths. She had almost forgotten, somehow, that the only reason he spoke to her now was because she couldn't betray him. If she had followed through on her attraction to him… If she fed this crush with continued exposure to Malfoy…

She was setting herself up for some serious heartbreak.

"I have to stop this," Hermione said to herself. She chewed her bottom lip as she considered her options. It was not enough to simply avoid him. She doubted that she had the self-restraint necessary given the intensity of her feelings, and she rather suspected he would pester her if she suddenly avoided him without explanation. Of course, actually explaining the true reason for staying away would be infinitely worse. She would have to convince him it was his choice somehow…

"Oh," she gasped. "If I…" She blinked in the darkness as the plan came together in her head. It was so simple. She would confront him on his manipulative tactics, inform him that she didn't want anything to do with him while he refused to be open and honest with her, and then let him know that he knew where to find her should he ever decide to change.

He would never change for her. Hermione allowed herself a self-deprecating smirk. The plan was perfect. Oh, she expected he would tease her for thinking so highly of herself as to suggest he should change, but afterwards, she would have the freedom to pursue her studies away from him. He would leave her alone, and she would not be so tempted to seek him out after having given her word that she wasn't interested in the companionship of someone who wouldn't be open and honest with her. Her own pride would forbid it. They might still need to interact every once in a while regarding the curse, but this would be the end.

Tears freed themselves from her lashes and slipped down her cheeks. Hermione laughed at herself for getting so caught up in Malfoy even as she grieved the impending loss of what she had found with him. He had been far more considerate than she had expected. He had been patient with her in many respects, and the letters…

Hermione shook her head at herself. The correspondence had been engaging, but it had been fake. For all she knew, Malfoy had only feigned interest in the topics they discussed for the sake of convincing McGonagall and the aurors who would eventually read the letters.

Hermione wiped her face on the hem of Malfoy's shirt and continued her walk back to his room.

The first few doors she went through were not Malfoy's, but she eventually stumbled into his bedroom and found Malfoy haunched over the hidden potions drawer in his wardrobe with an open bottle of firewhisky in one hand. The lights were on again, making it easy to see that he froze when she entered. He knew she was there, and yet he ignored her, opting instead to focus on his task of packing his secret potions drawer back up with his free hand. Hermione cleared her throat, and still, he refused to turn.

"Malfoy," she stated, trying to maintain the upper edge.

"Granger," Malfoy responded and grimaced. He stood, took a swig straight from the bottle, and finally faced her. "Have you come back for more?" he asked with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

Hermione snorted and rolled her eyes. "Hardly. I left my things," she said. She picked up her wand from the side table, slipped on her socks and shoes, and wrapped her robe around her before she picked up her blouse and bra and stuffed them in her robe's pockets. She paused, squared her shoulders, and faced Malfoy. "I also need to speak with you."

"Can't wait, Granger? It's nearly dawn, and neither of us have slept much," Malfoy complained. Hermione steadied her gaze at him. Malfoy pinched his brow together, put down the bottle on top of his wardrobe, and crossed his arms. "Go on then, Granger. Talk your heart out. It's what you're good at, right?"

Hermione placed her hands on her hips and took a deep breath. "We're both lonely and wanting companionship, but even with the curse, I have standards, Malfoy."

Malfoy scoffed. "Standards? What standards? You were about to let me feel you up on a whim," Malfoy reminded her. "Not that I'd particularly mind having fun with your body, but you were the one who told me about Stockholm Syndrome and how you might become attracted to me simply because you're effectively my captive. Making love to someone under those circumstances feels a bit too much like assault for my taste. Moral code and all that."

Hermione gaped at him. She had forgotten about Stockholm Syndrome, and his honesty just now… Was he inebriated? She glanced up at the bottle of firewhisky quickly before returning her eyes to Malfoy. Her heart thundered in her chest. If Malfoy would talk to her now... "Why didn't you just say so then, Malfoy? Rather than accusing me of whoring myself to you, which was, by the way, downright horrible and cruel, you could have just stated that you wanted to stop. But did you? No, instead you came up with something vile and vicious to push me away, because Merlin forbid you treat me with enough respect to tell me the full truth."

Malfoy scowled at her. "I was trying to protect you," he growled through a tight jaw.

Hermione cocked her hips to the side, and raised an eyebrow. "I did actually figure that out, Malfoy, which is the only reason I'm speaking to you now instead of giving you a full practical education of the many curses I've learned while on the run with Harry during the war." She watched Malfoy's eyes widen slightly with alarm at that, and she smirked. "Forgot I could hurt you again, did you?" She took a deep breath, straightened her posture, and ran a hand through her hair only to find it was still mostly fastened up from Malfoy's earlier spell. She froze at the reminder of his kindness and pulled her hand back out to let it drop at her side. "Well, as it turns out, you were right," she admitted, and she watched his eyes grow even wider. "I got carried away. I would have regretted doing more with you, but not for the reason you think."

Malfoy shifted his hands to his own hips and leaned forward slightly, glaring at her from across the bed. "Fascinating. Care to share?"

Hermione swallowed and struggled not to hug herself again, as she knew she could not say this next part without at least partially exposing the depth of her feelings for him. She settled for putting her hands in her skirt pockets and gripping the fabric inside. Her plan had felt so solid in the darkness of the hallway, but now that Malfoy was in front of her, she didn't even know where to start. She had planned to tell him that he needed to be honest, but he was being honest now… Likely due to the firewhisky, but still… She frowned. "I don't want to be involved with someone who feels like they have to manage me through lies and deceit… through threats." Her lip wavered and she avoided his eyes as she considered how to say the next part without revealing how much she cared. "I also don't want to be someone you would regret under other circumstances. We both know you only tolerate me now because of the curse."

Silence followed, and Hermione realized with a pang that she had hoped he would deny it and admit he cared for her regardless of the curse. The blow of her disappointment left her temporarily breathless with mortification. Her feelings truly were unrequited. When she recovered enough to catch her breath, she glanced up at Malfoy and gasped. Malfoy had already been angry, but now he was livid. His nostrils flared with each breath, and his eyes were drawn so tightly that his normal gray irises looked like two shards of onyx.

The corner of his mouth curled into a cruel smirk when he saw her shock, and he cocked his head to the side. "Poor, poor Granger," he drawled, and he began slowly prowling around the bed that separated them. "You got caught in a curse, and the one person you can talk to is someone you hated. Someone whom you never trusted and who has zero reason to trust you. Someone who never asked to be responsible for your well-being in any respect." He paused, wrapped his hand around the bedpost at the corner nearest her, and leaned around it to leer at her, his face so tense with fury that he resembled a sculpture chiseled from stone.

Hermione took a step back, holding her wand between them even though Malfoy himself was wandless. She had never seen him so irate.

Malfoy slithered around the corner as smoothly as a snake, and he continued speaking. "Never mind that I've given you substantial freedoms for your position… your wand, your magic… your ability to battle me should you feel unsafe. Did you think I did these lightly? Have you even considered what my father might do to me when he finds out? Of course, not. You're so focused on how you're the victim in this that all you can think about is yourself, and when you figured out that I was lonely, you expected me to cater to your every wish. Your every desire," he hissed.

He took another step forward, still glaring at her. "We've barely interacted except to cause each other trouble for the last eight years, and you suddenly expect me to trust you? Be honest with you?" He chuckled harshly and came closer. "You even want me to lust for you?"

Hermione began backing away, but Malfoy followed her, step by step, until her back hit the wall and he was close enough that she felt his body heat. Hermione stared at him with wide eyes, horrified. She had expected him to ridicule her for her request, but not like this… His barbs dug deep in her heart and pride. She hadn't considered what Malfoy was risking for her sake. She felt sick to her stomach.

"Allow me to be honest with you then, Granger," Malfoy said carefully, keeping his eyes on hers. She could smell the firewhisky on his breath. "I trust the curse to manage you, but I don't trust you. I'm not so naive as to think you initiated contact with me for any reason other than self-preservation. You never gave a thought to me before, and yet you complain that I only tolerate you because of the curse? Granger, I could ignore you outright if I liked, and my days would be the same as before. You are the one who has no one else to go to."

Hermione flinched, and her eyes watered, but she couldn't look away from him. She had come to him with the intent to manipulate him into helping her. She wouldn't have noticed him without the curse, and she was plotting behind his back to escape. He was right not to trust her. A tear slipped down her cheek, and she looked down, no longer able to make eye contact with him.

Malfoy blew out a long sigh. His posture straightened up away from her as he took a step back, and his hands went into his pockets. "Don't cry, Granger," he said. All traces of cruelty and mockery had vanished from his tone, leaving only warmth and grief in his voice.

Hermione wiped her face on her robe and tried to stop more tears from coming, but her mortification at his kindness had broken the dam. They flowed freely down her face despite her efforts. "I'll go now," she whimpered, and she angled to step around him.

"I don't hate you, Granger."

Hermione froze before she even took a step. Cautiously, she raised her eyes up until she found his staring steadily back at her. His expression was guarded, but no longer cold. All the harsh edges had melted away. "I'm not sure I believe that," she responded after a moment. She rather despised herself too in the moment.

He studied her for a long moment before speaking again. "I enjoyed the letters," he said and shrugged. "I enjoyed the battle of wills over the massage." He offered a wry smile. "I even enjoyed the tickle fight." His smile faded, and he reached out with his right hand to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear before resting the hand on her jaw. "I don't hate you, and I don't plan to abandon you, Granger," he said. He used his thumb to wipe away the mess on her face, and he stepped closer again. "I expect that, in time, we might become friends."

He paused to take a deep breath. "I also recognize that you have no one else now," he said. He cleared his throat before continuing and studied her lips, allowing his thumb to spread out and press against her lower lip. "I am not wholly against providing the intimacy you crave, but it's too soon, Granger."

"Too soon?" she echoed. She felt as if he had bewitched her, but his wand still rested on the nightstand. Her lip tingled where his thumb touched it. She contemplated leaning in to press both lips against his thumb, but he withdrew it back to her cheek.

"You're frightened and confused now, Granger. It wouldn't be right," Malfoy explained. He chewed his own bottom lip looking at her, his hand still against her jawline. "I won't change. Manipulation and deceit are requirements for success in my world, but if you come to accept who I am and still wish for my company, you know where to find me. You are my responsibility. I won't turn you away."

He leaned over and kissed her forehead just firmly and long enough for her to memorize the feel of his soft lips against her skin. When he pulled back, he stepped aside as well, clearing her way to the exit.

Hermione openly wept. The confrontation had not gone at all how she expected it to, and she was not sure whether his cruelty or his kindness hurt more. She didn't want to be his responsibility. She didn't want his pity in the form of kindness. She wanted his respect, and it had never felt further away.

She avoided his eyes as she walked past him, but paused at the door and looked back as she realized he had focused on her needs even after complaining about her own selfishness. What of his needs? What if he wanted to have a girlfriend? What did he want from her? "Malfoy, what do you think of me?" she asked, realizing he never actually shared whether he cared for her or not beyond the responsibility he felt. He had said he enjoyed his time with her, but was that the same as wanting to know her?

Malfoy cocked his head. "I think you ask too many questions," he said. He walked back around the bed to his firewhisky and took another swig of the drink. "Good night, Granger. I'll make sure to get the letters to McGonagall. You can return my jersey later."

Hermione nodded. She had actually forgotten about the letters, but it was clear Malfoy was done with her for now. Feeling rather too much like a child leaving the principal's office after being reprimanded, she escaped his room and the Slytherin dungeons.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I love hearing your thoughts, so please review! Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed previous chapters, and also thanks for the support regarding my author's note from last chapter.

I am updating my profile to reflect chapter status when I remember to. i am about 1k words into the next chapter at the time of posting this. :)

Also, endless thanks to my beta, MsSlowReader, who has read each of the last few chapters multiple times for different revisions, helped me stay on track with pacing by pointing out when characters are "off," and generally done an amazing job pointing out basic spelling goofs, grammatical issues, etc. Additional thanks for her support as a family member and best friend. MsSlowReader, you are amazing, and I'm so thankful you're part of my life.