"No, I can't seem to get it,
And in my mind I'm bettin'
My time's made up, I gotta' go...
And it's alright if you want,
To see through your tomorrow,
But right, now I gotta' go...
If you want to stay then you can be here with me,
But I can't let go of all this love, oh no, so easily...
I said, if you want to stay then you can be here with me,
But I can't let go of all this love, oh no, so easily..."
Flying Lotus feat. Andreya Triana– Tea Leaf Dancers
"What do you think?"
Yani held up a pale lavender double-bed sheet set and Erik tried his best to be engaged but he wasn't. He felt depressed. Holding Sydette in his arms as Yani shopped for new bedding and pillows was not the way he wanted to spend their day. He wanted them to be on the beach swimming, or walking around the compound and catching vista views of the ocean. Or cooking food together in the kitchen with Sweet Pea wiggling all around dancing to music they played the way he used to do when he was a kid with his parents.
Yani was delighted buying things for her very first apartment, and Erik could only feel acid settling in his stomach. He wanted her to stay with him until Klaue arrived, even offered to pay her rent for the next month without her staying with the roommate, but she declined. She wanted Sydette and the roommate's daughter, Azriel, to be together from the start of their taking the space.
It was already difficult for him to watch her studying and reading and working on her classes at the compound and not have the free time like they used to. It was also difficult to deliver Sydette to Twyla or Cee Cee or even her sister Anika so he could work. There was so little time to be with both of them anymore.
He started getting high more to cope. Ease his mind to help focus on Klaue's weapons and the man's return. He was ashamed of how he was feeling. Acting like an entitled brat because he wasn't getting his way.
"Goose down, or synthetic?"
Yani held up two pillows for him to inspect.
"Goose down is hard to clean," he said.
"You're right. Synthetic it is."
She tossed three pillows into their shopping cart. Two comforters, pillows, sheets, bath mats, and shower curtains. He had to hold Sydette because there was no room in the cart.
"The electricity was turned on this afternoon, so we can drop this off there…"
She rattled off all the things she wanted to get done for the night and Erik nodded, only half-listening. He could probably deal with the move if he were allowed to come over and stay with them sometimes, but Yani and her roommate Nannette made an agreement that no men were allowed in the apartment for overnight stays until they were settled for a few months and got to know one another. Yani implemented this rule herself. She didn't want strange men around her daughter or coming around at odd hours. Nannette agreed even though she had no partner of her own. That would limit their time even more.
He wondered if their time together had run its course. Maybe she was trying to pull away from him nicely. He had been gruff with her and abrupt around the compound, a combination of his work frustrations, and also his worry over losing her so soon. He had been thinking they had a few more months of bliss, but the reality was changing.
"I got it," he said pulling out his wallet to pay for all the items she wanted.
He traded the baby for the cart as he pushed it to the S.U.V. He felt Yani's eyes on him.
"You've been so quiet…everything okay?"
He nodded his head, but she could see that he wasn't.
They rode in silence over to her new place and he carried all of her things in two trips up the stairs to the third floor.
Putting the baby on the floor, Yani showed him around.
It was spacious, brightly lit, and there was furniture in place. A new black leather couch sectional with a low coffee table and matching end tables took up the east side of the apartment. The small kitchen had room for a round dining table and he could see two high chairs already placed near it. His heart sank.
"Looks good in here," he said trying to perk up for her.
Sydette ran around as Yani took out the new sheets in her bedroom and made up the new bed he bought for her. Queen size for a queen. She fell on top of it when she had it looking nice with the decorative pillows her Aunt bought for her. She patted the space next to her and he crawled onto the bed.
"I think I'll paint this room yellow. Make it look sunny…or maybe powder blue to look like the sky…"
Her eyes darted about making plans. His fingers reached for her face and he turned her head to look at him.
"Happy?" he asked.
"Mmm-hmm. Very."
She kissed his cheek and he kissed her lips back. He felt the pressure of her lips on his subside, but he pushed back harder and she pulled away from him. Her eyes regarded him with a seriousness he hadn't seen from her in a long time.
"What's wrong?" she said.
"Nothing's wrong—"
"You lie. Don't do that to me."
He laid back on his arms and stared up at the ceiling.
"I feel like we're drifting. I want you to have your own place…but I don't want you to leave me either."
Her fingers stroked his chest.
"I'm not leaving you."
He didn't say anything. His silence spoke for him. She leaned on her elbow and stared into his eyes.
"We lived like royalty with you. I'll never have anything like that again. I'll cherish that time with you there, Killmonger. I really will. This is just the next stage of my life. You are a part of that still—"
He turned his head away. She pulled it back.
"Things will just be different. I'll still come help my Aunt at the compound on the weekends. You can come see me and Sydette at night or you can visit her when she's out of daycare…"
She stroked his face and her touch made him feel the loss of them more. Sporadic visits wouldn't be enough.
A sense of shame came over him. Yani's words reminded him of the things he said to his old love, Disǎ when he was busy with his work and not around her as much. He finally knew what she felt like when he told her things would just be different. Different simply meant a drawn-out ending.
Erik pressed his mouth against Yani's neck and kissed his way up to her lips. Her lips melded to his for a moment before he made his way down to her t-shirt. He pulled up her shirt and unfastened her bra, tossing it on the floor. He settled his face between her breasts and suckled until her nipples were tight hard pebbles and his dick was a ramrod in his jeans. Her fingers played with his locs as he bit her tips, causing her to cry out with pleasure. It had been too long since he had done this with her.
They heard Sydette walking around pushing her little play lawnmower.
"You okay in there Sweet Pea?" Yani called out.
"Yes!"
Erik pinched Yani's nipples and her sighs made him throb in his pants. Sydette rolled her mower against the bedroom door hitting the door jamb. Yani pulled down her shirt and rolled off the bed.
"Where's your hair ties?"
Sydette touched the springy curls on her head, the two braids she once had were gone.
"Ova there…"
Sydette pointed out toward the living room.
"Go get them," Yani said.
Sydette took off running and returned with two purple silk ribbons.
"She will not leave braids in."
"Let her wear her hair out. She likes it."
Erik sat up from the bed, but waited a few minutes to let is body settle back down.
"Nannette is here," Yani said.
Erik heard the front door open and Sydette squealed and ran to the front room.
"Hey!" Yani said.
Erik picked up the empty shopping bags from around Yani's room and followed her out into the living room.
Nannette was a slender woman with long blue twists in her hair. Her daughter, a little girl about two months older than Sydette was touching Sydette's lawnmower.
"Nannette, this is Erik. Erik this is my new roommate."
Nannette had a nice wide smile with an overbite. She shook his hand and they all watched the two little girls mess with the lawnmower together.
"Did you see the bedspreads I got for the girls?" Nanette said.
"No, I haven't even gone in their room."
"Come look!"
Nannette grabbed Yani's hand and pulled her to another bedroom in the back that was right next to Yani's. Erik followed, curious to see what the girls' room looked like.
Two trundle beds were covered with Princess Tiana bedspreads with matching pillowcases.
"Oh my God! This is too cute!" Yani said.
There was a white and crème-colored dresser and cute overhanging lights with cartoon characters on them. A pink toy chest sat in a corner already stuffed with the things Erik had bought Sydette. The room was clean and neat. Sydette crawled onto one of the beds.
"This mine," she said looking at Erik.
"That's your bed, Sweet Pea?"
"Yes. See Princess Tiana?"
"I see her," Erik said.
Azriel climbed on her bed.
"I have Princess too," she said.
"I see," Erik said giving the other girl some attention.
"You all hungry? I brought food," Nanette said.
Yani looked at Erik, but he watched the two women and decided they needed to be in their own space for their first night without him intruding.
"I'll let you all settle in. I gotta run," he said heading toward the door.
"Baba! Baba…where you going?"
Sydette jumped off the bed and followed him, grabbing his hand.
"I'm going…"
He stopped himself. He was about to say home, but Sweet Pea's face looked stressed seeing him head out of her room.
"I have to do some things. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
Her finger went to her lip and she turned to look at Yani.
"Tomorrow," Yani echoed.
Sydette looked comfortable with the idea.
Erik picked her up and walked her to the front door with him. He kissed her cheek as Yani rubbed her back.
"Come play in my room. I wahn show yuh..."
"What do you want to show me?"
"A secret."
"Secret? What kind of secret?"
Her dimples popped out and she whispered in his ear.
"A secret."
Erik started laughing. She lifted his spirits.
"Show me tomorrow. I'll bring you ice cream."
"I wahn show yuh now."
"Sydette…"
Yani stuck her face near her daughter.
Nanette took Azriel into the kitchen with her and Yani stroked Erik's back.
"See you tomorrow Sweet Pea. Be a good girl, for Mama."
"'kay."
He put her down and she lingered near them, her hand on Yani's leg.
He lowered his head to kiss Yani and she slipped him a bit of tongue which was a terrible thing to do to him because he only wanted to be with her back on her bed. With her breasts pressed into his chest, he let his hand dropped down to her backside and grip a plump cheek.
"I hate this," he said when he let her lips go.
Her eyes dropped away from his. He was making her feel bad. It was an unkind thing to do.
"I'll live," he said painting a smile on his face, giving her some dimples. Her eyes looked unsure so he smacked her ass and then squeezed it again.
"Call me tonight," she said.
"I will. Go enjoy your first meal in your new home."
"When we get settled, I'll cook you a nice dinner later this week."
"I'll hold you to it. Do I get some dessert with it?
"I'll give you some dessert."
Her voice was seductive.
"Go eat."
He walked down to his car and for a moment he sat in the driver's seat and stared up at the lights in Yani's new home. He had no right to feel sorry for himself. Yani was becoming an independent woman. She would soon have a career. But he felt like he was being pushed away. He hated the feeling. Abandonment. An all too familiar feeling for him. He hated everything about his life at that moment.
A coldness was creeping back into him. The type of coldness that made him reckless and mean.
###
Yani stared at the whiteboard in the classroom and took down notes as quickly as her nursing teacher wrote them.
Being in class was a totally ultra-accelerated experience compared to taking classes online. She did her best to keep up. She was smart. She knew this. Smarter than most of the others in her class. But the nurse/midwife program was not for the slow or lazy. The teacher expected his students to be prepared for the advanced level, and Yani was so thankful she spent time studying as much as she could before she started. If Erik hadn't made that free time for her at Klaue's, she would've dropped out after the first week of class.
Yani scratched the back of her scalp as she checked her micro-recorder to make sure it was taping the lecture. Her left leg bounced a bit inside her nursing uniform. The school required all the nursing students to wear actual nursing attire. It made Yani feel like a real medical professional.
Erik.
His face came to mind, and she felt a knot in her belly. She hadn't seen him for days and barely spoke to him on the phone between their texting. His messages were coming with less frequency, and Yani knew it was because she had put distance between them.
Her classes kept her busy all day, and Sydette's attendance in daycare proved to be a success and less of a burden on her Aunt and cousins. The nursing program helped subsidize the daycare costs because it was on campus, so Yani and Nanette drove the girls with them in the morning and Yani drove them all back to the apartment when Nannette was home from her morning classes. Yani had to stay for later classes because of the extra course load she was carrying. The timing of the traffic was perfect because Yani was able to make it back to her classes on time, and then spend the evening with the girls while giving Nannette a break. They had a perfectly set schedule that worked well with the children.
Sydette adjusted to being with strangers and one of the daycare providers even suggested letting her start pre-school early because she was so bright. Yani was proud of that. She wanted the best for her little girl and she felt like she was finally getting the outside support she needed. She didn't have to depend on her own family so much anymore.
She also didn't need to depend on Erik.
That was a problem. For him.
Her new schedule left little time for herself once more, and she fought tooth and nail for any bit of solitude she could get. That often meant late at night when the babies were asleep and she could finally get some sleep herself. The weekends found her watching two babies while Nannette worked a weekend job at one of the fancy hotels in the mornings. While the girls played in the living room of their apartment, Yani studied. Erik would come over then and in between toddlers running around and Yani trying to hit the books, there was no real quality time. Infrequent sex was heavy petting and occasionally quick bounces on his dick with clothes on while they sat on the couch when the girls napped on the weekends. It was always fast. Almost impersonal. Hot sticky fingers, muffled grunts and groans, and Yani keeping an eye and ear out for the children interrupting or Nannette coming home at unexpected hours depending on her work's flexible schedule.
Things turned ugly one Saturday afternoon when they were lying side by side on the couch. She wanted to take a quick nap and he wanted to slip his dick inside of her while they had a blanket over them.
"Not here…not now," she fussed, pushing his hand away from the waistband of her sweatpants. She could feel his erection pushing up hard against her backside, and his breathing was heavy. Nibbling on her earlobe, he pulled on her nipples and tried to coax her into giving in to his need.
"Let's go in the bedroom," he whispered in her ear.
She was annoyed. Tired. Her head hurt from trying to remember what she read for her homework. All she wanted was to feel his warm body around her. She needed him to stay awake to listen out for the girls while she clung to his arms and snoozed. Just for one tiny hour.
"Yani, c'mon…"
"Let's just stay here. I want to stay like this—"
"Baby…"
"You know these walls are thin. They can hear us, and you know it takes too long to get them settled again…"
He yanked down her sweats.
"Killmonger…stop."
"Let me get some…just a little bit. I ain't seen you in a week…take care of me…"
His fingers manipulated her breasts a little too hard and when he reached down to unzip his pants, she slapped his hands and pulled up from him.
"Just stop!"
He froze.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her tone was abrasive and he shrunk back from her.
"I need to sleep, man. While the girls are out, I need this time to rest—"
"Go get in the bed then. I'll stay out here and watch out for them."
He turned the channel on the tv and sat up away from her. His eyes ignored her.
"Killmonger—"
"Go to sleep. It's all good."
He reached between his legs and pushed down on his dick while zipping up his pants.
"Can't you see I'm tired? I don't want to mess around right now—"
"We good. Go to bed."
His voice was surly. Those big lush lips fixed in a pout.
"I already got one baby, mi don't need a grown-ass one too—"
"Whatchu say to me?"
His eyes cut to hers so quick. They were on fire.
"You heard me—"
"Fuck you really mean then, Ma?"
Cold.
His voice was so cold.
"I'm just tired."
"Then go to your damn bed and sleep."
He shoved her away from him hard and she struck his face just as hard. The ring she had on her pinky finger slid across his lip and cut him. A tiny sliver that bled.
His left hand swiped his lip and when he saw the blood, he shook his head at her.
"Get your ass in that room before you really mess up…"
She wasn't about to test him. She stood up and walked into her room, quietly closing the door. Laying on her bed, she curled up under the covers and tucked her fingers against her chest. Her heart beat so fast. She had struck him. Not playfully, or joking over something, but with anger behind it. She didn't want to have sex. Not at that moment. Maybe later after she had a catnap. But he was always so forceful wanting it. When they were at Klaue's she loved it. Loved him coming after her when he wanted it. Because she had wanted it too. Their summer paradise was made for that type of loving. It was September now, and playtime was over for her. Erik couldn't accept that. Just like he couldn't accept the fact that every other weekend Chez was allowed to keep Sydette. Court order. She didn't like it herself because she didn't trust Chez, and she didn't trust Ursula to treat her baby right, but there was nothing she could do about it. She had to allow it because Chez threatened to press charges against Erik for fracturing his jaw.
The weekends that Chez had Sydette, Yani would work at the compound with her Aunt. Klaue was back. Between work hours there, Yani would sleep in her Aunt's apartment under the main house and pretend to not know Erik at all. Except for those small sweet moments when he would caress her fingers as they walked past one another. Or bumped into each other in the kitchen. She thought there would be time for them to sneak away somewhere on the property and be alone, but that was not to be. She saw it working Erik's nerves. She saw how he treated the other men. They were scared of him, and she had to admit to herself now, she was beginning to fear him too. Fear what he was becoming.
The small moments at her apartment were supposed to be honey and flowers for them. They almost were except her schooling took precedent, and that took a toll on her ability to carve out enough sleep. It was a tiredness she could cope with because she knew there was a goal at the end of it. Unlike the time she spent drifting with her old jobs trying to keep her head above water, nursing school was taking her somewhere. Dividing her time between school and quality time with Sydette took precedence over sex sometimes. Erik acted like he knew this in the beginning, but two months in now, he was…he was a problem.
And she slapped him.
Cut his lip.
Whatever anger that was brewing in him since she began her education was deep and wide and she saw it when he shoved her off the couch.
She wept quietly in her bed and dozed off a bit before going into a deep slumber. It was dark when she woke up.
Jumping out of bed she went into the living room and found Nanette watching tv with the girls playing near her feet.
"Hi," Nannette said.
Yani wiped her face.
"Where is-?"
"He left when I got in. Told me to tell you he would call you later. You sleep good?"
Yani nodded and swept back into her room looking for her phone.
No messages from him. She swiped his number.
He didn't speak when he answered.
"You left."
"No need for me to be there. Nanette can babysit for you."
"You still mad?"
"Nah. I'm good."
"What that mean?"
"I'm good. As in maybe we need to break. You have important things to do. I respect that. I got shit to do too. Every time I see you, you're too tired or we argue about petty shit—"
"I'm not going to argue over what my body needs to maintain itself. If I'm fucking tired, I want to sleep and you should just wait for when I feel like sleeping with you—"
"We don't sleep together no more. We barely fuck."
"So that's all I am to you now? Was to you…?"
Her throat stung with an ache that she couldn't get rid of.
"You breaking up with me because I wouldn't give you no ass?"
"Yani…it's more than that. When we're together, your mind is not there with me—"
"What about Sydette…?"
She burst into tears then.
She heard a heavy exhale on his end.
"I'm still going to see my baby girl—"
"But not me?"
"Yani…we gotta face it, baby. We're going downhill. We knew it was going to happen—"
"Not like this!"
Her voice wailed into the phone.
"I'm sorry I hit you. It was wrong. I was pissed. Killmonger…please…"
"Yani…"
She heard muffled talking in the background. Someone spoke to Erik.
"I'm sorry I pushed you. I was being an asshole….I gotta go—"
"Don't hang up—"
He was gone.
Her nose ran with snot and she felt her cheeks warm up with hot tears spilling from her eyes.
It wasn't fair. But it was their own fault.
She had crawled onto his lap and told him to his face so many months ago that they were stupid for trying to build a solid house out of sand on a rising tide.
Yani couldn't eat dinner and could barely keep up with Sydette as she tried to play with some giant puzzle pieces on her bed.
"Look, Mama!"
Yani nodded at the completed puzzle of a giant giraffe and fat hippo swimming in a lagoon. Sydette hit it to knock the pieces apart so she could put it together again and Yani could only look at it and think that her love life was always like that. Giant pieces that looked pretty once they were put together but inevitably, some force would come down and break it apart. Playing with Sydette gave Yani perspective. All she had in the world was herself and her daughter. Nothing and no one else.
She loved Erik fiercely, but he was just like any other man in her life. Temporary. He may well have been the love of her life, but he was not her entire life. That was something she had to create on her own.
She was comfy in her bed when her cell vibrated. She picked it up from her nightstand.
Come outside.
Short and sweet as always.
Yani put on her jacket and fluffy Bugs Bunny slippers and crept out of the apartment. Glancing around she saw Klaue's S.U.V. parked on the far end of the parking lot. She took her time walking over to him. The sharp snap of the car latch opening caught her ear and she climbed into the passenger seat. When his eyes settled on her, she started crying again. She hated it. Her throat was sore and swollen from weeping earlier in the night.
Erik reached over and pulled her onto his lap. The driver seat was pushed all the way back and she clung to him as her chest shuddered against his. He reached up and turned on one of the overhead lights
"Girl, I'm sorry…this ain't easy…"
He smelled like weed and expensive liquor. His eyes were bloodshot, but not just from the weed.
"I love you," she said, gripping his neck tight.
"I love you too, but…our priorities are different now. Like we knew it would be eventually…"
Her head shook against his neck and he held her waist.
"Klaue is moving on again soon. I gotta bounce with him…Yani…don't…listen to me…Yani…"
He pulled her head back so she would look him in the eye.
"I get into these moods now, and I don't think we should be around each other. I'm focusing on the new job at hand and I'm going to be involved with the men at the compound…and…I can't deal with you too. I miss you all the time, and I miss Sweet Pea…but I'm leaving baby. Better to cut bait now. I hate this shit, girl. I'm losing you and her—"
"We still here," she pleaded.
"I'll come see Sweet Pea and say goodbye to her soon—"
"When are you leaving?"
"I can't tell you that because I don't know. That's why I want to end this now. I don't want this to drag and cause more hurt feelings."
His forehead dropped against hers.
"You know this is best, right?"
She nodded. She felt like she was dying inside, but she knew it was true. Dragging it out would kill her.
"I'm still going to work at the compound. Auntie needs me."
"I'll stay out of your way. Most of us will. Shit is getting hectic over there."
Yani pulled back and stared at his lips. She wiped her eyes then kissed him.
"You do well in school. Keep your focus on that. Nothing else. Not even me. Okay?"
She nodded her head.
"Treat me like you used to and you'll be alright."
She smiled but then his eyes brought her back to the pain.
He rocked her in the car until her breathing became even again. She didn't want to let him go. But she had to.
"Go inside now. It's late as fuck."
She didn't budge. Curled herself up closer to his chest.
"Yani, c'mon…"
She pulled herself off of him as he opened the driver's side door. Slipping down from him, his eyes watched her every move. She willed herself to look strong. She knew this moment was coming…just didn't expect it on that day. She would've wagered another two weeks or maybe another month. He didn't want sex from her. He was craving the intimacy she wanted just like him. The intimacy they used to have. She wanted to quit the compound, but she couldn't let her Auntie down. How could she walk around that place with him there and not touch him anymore, or look at him with love in her eyes? What could she say to her daughter about her Baba not coming around anymore? He said he would still come see her, but why torture himself and them?
She moved slowly back to her apartment. He sat in the S.U.V. watching her, making sure she made it up safe. Once she was at her front door Erik drove fast out of the lot and she wondered how she could go on.
###
As always, he was true to his word.
Yani barely saw Erik. He knew her routine around the compound and made himself scarce. After a couple of weekends, it actually felt like he wasn't there. Leona kept her hours between lunch and before dinner, roughly five hours on Saturdays. When Chez had Sydette for the weekends, she would stay longer to help prep her Aunt for later in the week and to also do laundry and clean. It wasn't too much of a burden for Leona. There were only four men on site: Klaue, Limbano, a man called Unger, and Erik.
And as Erik said, they were kept busy with Klaue, so by the time meals were on the table, Yani could leave for the apartment to start laundry or cleaning as the men ate. She knew all the paths to avoid running into anyone she didn't want to see as she worked.
The few times she did spot Erik, he was right with Klaue and it was like everyone around them were ghosts.
School hummed along, and she actually went out with friends a few times when Klaue didn't need them to cook on the weekends. Once Leona knew what had happened between her and Erik, her Aunt tried her best to cook easy meals that didn't need Yani so much so she didn't have to be around the place.
Her heart still hurt, but Yani stayed mentally busy. Going out helped a lot. Having new guys push up on her helped a lot too. She didn't act on anything, but it did make her feel hopeful about truly getting over Erik.
She was redoing the floors in Klaue's house with fresh sealant when she heard new voices on the property. Erik was away on an assignment for Klaue in the states. She only knew this because he had gone to visit Sydette over at Twyla's when Nanette was gone for a weekend. He sent Yani a short text asking permission to see her and she agreed. Her baby girl had been grieving over him, and it hurt Yani's spirit to keep her away from him even though it would become permanent soon enough.
Yani put away her cleaning supplies so she could be nosey and walked up to the middle house.
"Oh, hey! Could you get me some fresh towels please?"
Yani stopped in her tracks as she stared at the light-skinned woman sunbathing topless near the pool. She was on a lounger with big sunglasses on and a tiny bikini bottom. She pulled down her sunglasses and stared at Yani.
"Did you hear me? Towels? You are Yani, right? The girl who works here?"
"Just a second," Yani said.
She walked up to the first house and checked on the pool towels that were tumbling in the dryer. She pulled out two hot ones and folded them quickly. She headed back down to the pool and handed the woman the towels.
"Thank you. I'm Linda. I tried looking for some towels in the house but they weren't really pool towels."
Linda's curly hair was piled up high on her head. She was pretty and very matter of fact. Yani could see two other bodies moving around in the house. Linda took one of the towels and folded it over her chair. The second one she laid across her legs. Her chest, especially her breasts were tanning but her belly and her neck looked sunburned.
"Do you need some sunblock or tanning stuff?" Yani asked.
"Oh…no…I'm fine. I always tan uneven—"
"But it looks like you're burning a little bit."
Linda looked down at her chest.
"Ugh..you're right. You have any sunblock spray?"
"I'll look."
Yani left Linda and went up to the first house. There were pool supplies there. And also her Aunt.
"Auntie. When did that woman show up?"
"Miss Linda? She got here about an hour ago with two other men. Everyone is back."
"Everyone?"
Leona nodded and Yani went into the supply closet and pulled out two different types of sprays. She headed back to the pool and almost wanted to turn around and leave. Erik was standing out by the pool right next to Linda. He wasn't alone. Huntsman and Neal were there to. And so was that big guy from months before, Shipley. Linda had a towel covering her chest, and before Yani reached them, all the others headed down to Klaue's main house. All except for Erik.
Linda stood up and let her towel fall. Erik didn't even blink with bare breasts flashing in front of him. Linda had a slick smile plastered on her face.
This was the woman Erik traveled with.
Linda.
Yani felt her face get flush when Linda stroked Erik's arm. She hadn't seen Erik openly for two weeks, which was better for her of course, but seeing him now gave her butterflies in her stomach and a tingling rush across her chest.
That was still her man standing there. No matter if they had ended things. Roughly.
"You have two choices," Yani said.
She stood behind the lounger, her eyes on Linda. She could feel Erik's eyes sliding across her and she did her best to ignore it even though she felt herself trembling. Linda took the coconut-scented sunblock from her hand. She sprayed herself with a liberal amount of sunblock.
"Thank you, Yani."
Linda's voice was dismissive.
Yani headed back up to check on the rest of the pool towels. Her whole body shook once she was inside and alone.
Erik could have in-house pussy now.
Tahir had warned her that men like Erik used women. What would stop him from fucking that woman again?
Yani wanted to leave.
She threw up instead.
###
Erik was taking a hardline stance with Klaue.
They needed to move on Wakanda immediately. Before King T'Chaka started globe-trotting and making it difficult for Erik to claim his inheritance and blood right. He was tired of seeing the old King on tv with that smug-looking cousin of his. Claiming he wanted to be a broker for peace in the world. The fuck? A murderer claiming to want peace. In a world he had a disdain for. Turned his back on. Ruined Erik's life for.
T'Chaka needed to be in Birnin Zana when Erik took his life in front of the entire Wakandan Royal Court. He wanted that man's life blood spilling out on the floor as he turned his revenge on T'Challa too. He wanted the wretched King to see his son bleed out right next to him. They both could die together, side by side.
Erik wanted their Wakanda team to be small. Just Klaue, himself, Linda, and Limbano. They were the only trustworthy ones as far as Erik could tell from their behavior.
Linda was also pushing to make that move quick. Her greed for money was insatiable. She was even looking for side jobs outside of Klaue's sphere of influence. She was about her digital paper and pushed Klaue as much as Erik did.
Erik bought a plane ticket to London to be with his Aunt Serah in December. He would pick her brain and get as much museum intel as he could. He was also looking to see who would buy the vibranium once they hit the mother lode.
Erik had weapons devised to handle Wakanda and anyone else that got in his way. Klaue was pleased, but he was also scheming for more hits. It was hard for Erik to keep him focused on East Africa.
And then there was Erik's other problem.
Yani.
The more hectic the compound got, the more he tried to forget her. She was his peace, but he couldn't keep up the pretense of a life when it was about to be dashed to pieces. He hated the way he ended it. Erik thought they would have one last romantic day together, some time spent with Sydette—
Put it away.
Erik thought about the time he saw a therapist as a child. What was her name?
Dr. Davis.
The Black woman with big glasses and kind eyes. She taught him how to breathe and how to compartmentalize his anxiety and depression when it spiked. And he was spiking off the charts with both ever since he left Yani. He created an imaginary shelf in his mind as he did as a child. A shelf where he could put trauma up and away from him as he did in the past. Breathing deeply he imagined turning Yani and Sydette into tiny dolls. In his mind, he lifted them up and placed them high above him on a secure shelf. Once he placed them there, he imagined stepping away and not giving them attention less they cripple his ability to function normally. It allowed him to process his pain in small segments. It wouldn't disappear completely, but it helped him cope. Especially dealing with the high stress of being around Klaue and other killers.
It all seemed to work until he overhead Leona on the phone talking to Twyla when Yani was away from the compound buying supplies. She was on speakerphone as he was passing through to get some things from the dryer. He did his best to stay away from Leona too because her eyes seemed so hurt by their situation.
He heard Sweet Pea's voice and it felt like someone reached up and twisted the valves in his heart. His eyes shut tight and he almost started to cry. She was talking in complete sentences and asking inquisitive questions over the speaker and Erik pulled out his cell and texted Yani.
Can I go see the baby?
There was no immediate response.
Please?
He walked down to the middle house and sat on a lounger by the pool. Allowing his eyes to watch the dark blue water, he saw Jerome crawl across the pool wall. The iguana's eyes watched him, and Erik felt like the creature was judging him.
Could he blame him?
Erik did what he knew he was going to do. He allowed an irrational love to sweep him up, went into it willingly, and now he was reaping the shitty reward. He crushed a woman and her child.
You can see her.
Erik jumped up from the lounger, his heart thudding fast. It was the first communication they had together in weeks after he broke it off in anger. He ran to the car garage and grabbed the keys for one of Klaue's cars.
"Where are you going, mate?" Klaue asked.
Klaue stood in the doorway of the front house sipping on water and checking his cell.
"Weed run," Erik tossed casually.
"Hmmm. You seem to be smoking a lot lately."
"They got good shit here."
"Don't take long. Meeting after lunch."
"A'ight."
Erik felt nervous driving over to Twyla's house. She had moved near her job and they hadn't had contact in a long time.
When he knocked on the door of her cute little cottage, Twyla answered.
"Hey," he said.
"Good to see you," she said stepping back to let him in.
For some reason, he thought she would be abrupt with him. He had broken her cousin's heart. She seemed to read his mind.
"Big nigga. It's not mi business what went down with you and Yani, seen? You not normal, and she probably had no business fuckin' with you and whatnot. But I know you were the realest nigga to her in her whole life."
His head dropped down. Twyla turned her head.
"Sydette!"
"Whut?"
"What? Yuh talk to yuh Auntie like that? Come see mi now."
A whirling ball of legs and arms came running out from a back room with hair all over the place.
"I'm here!" Sydette said putting her hands on her hips, her eyes glued to Twyla.
"Lookie. Who that?"
Sydette's face turned, and when she saw Erik, her mouth dropped open.
"Baba! Baba!"
Her little legs ran in place. Erik bit his bottom lip and water dropped from his lids. He turned his head away.
"Hey…hey big man…no shame…" Twyla said patting his back.
Erik dropped to his knees and Sydette's little arms wrapped around his neck so tight.
"Baba? Why yuh crying?"
She patted his face and tried wiping away his tears.
Erik's throat was so choked up he couldn't even speak.
"It's okay Baba."
Erik wiped his eyes himself.
"Don't be sad Baba. I'm here. I make yuh feel better. Wait here…."
She ran from him and back to the room she came from. Erik stood up and Twyla rubbed his back.
"It's okay, Killmonger. I feel yuh."
Twyla's eyes were a little watery too.
"Oh look, it's Miss Penny," Twyla said.
Sydette came running back with the Black nurse doll Erik bought her that had the same black puffy hair as her with a tiny nurse cap sewn on the top.
"She make yuh feel betta, Baba. Here. Hold it."
She raised the doll above her head. Erik picked Sweet Pea up and rocked her.
"Thank you," he whispered. He coughed and tried to clear his throat.
"Have you eaten?" Twyla asked him.
"Nah."
"C'mon then. Got some stew peas and fish."
"Fish 'n peas!" Sydette sang out.
It was the best meal Erik had in a long ass time.
###