During Volume 11 Chapters 1 and 2
Time stands still for no one.
Resist as one may, the ravages of time rush forward like a horde of bulls, waiting for no one and plowing through everyone. Time's indiscrimination hides wounds at best or deepens them at worst. In my experience, the latter occurs more often. As an experiment, let time run its course for about seven hours. One would find that any miniscule pangs of hunger at the start would have become magnified at the end.
If time deepens wounds, then it is not optimal to let it run its own course. The solution would be to put try to alter its projection to an alternate direction. However, overturning fate was not something that was easy for my tiny hands.
"Yukinoshita-senpai, do you have some time right now?"
Isshiki Iroha, a terribly troublesome girl, meekly stood at the entrance to Service Club. I put down the book that I was reading.
"Why, hello, Isshiki-san. Come on in. If you have a request, then—"
"Ah, let's wait for Senpai and Yui-senpai to get here first!"
Abandoning her former meekness, Isshiki waltzed over to the table I was sitting at and took a seat. She immediately made herself comfortable, taking out her smartphone in approximately 2.35 seconds.
"Why don't you run through your issue with me first, before the others arrive?" I suggested.
"Nope, let me save my breath and not have to say the same thing twice," rejected Isshiki as she rhythmically kicked her legs underneath the table.
Her irresponsibility was worthy of a sigh. The sight of the supposedly busy student council president being laidback signalled that her issue was of very little concern. Any intervention by the Service Club would surely be more trouble than it was worth.
I plucked a paper cup from the stack of cups beside the two currently unused mugs. Into the cup, I poured some freshly brewed chamomile tea, a fragrant, summery, flowery selection to help us escape from the February chills. I handed the piping hot cup to Isshiki.
"Ah, thanks a lot!"
"No worries. I hope what you have to say is worth at least this meager cup of tea," I said as I smiled widely.
"Ahaha..."
I did not need to undress Isshiki to know that her tiny back glistened with sweat. She quieted down and uncomfortably played with the locks of her hair.
I did not mean to make her feel that bad. As a sort of apology, I walked over to the window and adjusted the angles of the blinds. Sunlight poured through, enveloping the February room with an out-of-season brilliance. Being able to enjoy the unexpected sunshine at the tail end of winter, Isshiki's face brightened up, and she began to sip her tea.
"Ehehe, I want to spend time like this with Yukinoshita-senpai every day."
"Th-That's a little too much," I muttered, "In the first place, you should be prioritizing work for the student council."
As I made my way to my seat, Isshiki continued showering me with smiles. Settling down, I picked up my book again.
"So, about what you came here for..."
"Later, later! Let's wait until they get here!"
It seemed that my attempts at bribery had failed. Rather, it seemed like I was manipulated into making her feel comfortable.
After a while, the door flew open, and the club's two other members arrived.
"Yahallo, Yukinon."
The first was Yuigahama Yui, an airheaded girl who had more breast than brain (there absolutely had to be a correlation). She gave me several full waves with her hands to greet me, speaking to her endless bubbliness. Her boundless positivity was the cushion that ensured that I and a certain someone were not constantly at each other's throats.
"Sup."
That curt greeting belonged to that someone else, Hikigaya Hachiman. Otherwise known as Hikitani, this Hikio person had eyes reminiscent of a deceased salmon, despite all the supposedly virtue-evolving events that have happened in the past year. Nincompoop, otherwise referred to as Idiot, operated with a twisted sort of logic, serving as a complete foil to the airheaded but optimistic Yuigahama. Yet, Mr. Bad Omen, usually called "that guy" by nearly everyone, was the art to my science, so, unexpectedly, we complemented each other well, especially with regards to resolving requests. Of course, I would never mention that aloud, or else it would feel like I have lost.
"Senpai, you're so sloooow," groaned Isshiki.
Hikigaya replied with his own groan, "And why are you here again...?"
"I asked her if she had some business here, but she wanted to wait for you two to come," I said.
I shot an accusatory glare at Isshiki. She ignored me completely.
"...So, she's been here ever since." I said before I sighed.
Isshiki pranced over to Hikigaya and very audibly whispered to him, "Yukinoshita-senpai had such a nice smile when I got here, but she got really bummed out right after. She's been acting like that the entire time."
"...Isshiki-san?" I muttered.
"S-sorry, I really do have some business here!"
Isshiki used Hikigaya's body like a riot shield, pushing him forward while advancing forward back to her seat. Yuigahama bailed her out by asking what her all-important request was.
Isshiki flapped her hand in a carefree manner and said, "The thing is, it feels like I have a lot more free time than I thought I would or something?"
I was surprised. I was expecting a problem that was incredibly minor, but I didn't expect to hear about no problems at all.
Yuigahama reacted with her usual confused look, but Hikigaya gave her an evil glare.
Without a gram of responsibility, Isshiki continued, "There's like no school events around this time of the year and the VP's taking care of all the small stuff for me. All I have left is just to stamp our year-end report. When there isn't anything going on, I put the student council on break."
Because of her personality, it was easy for one to forget that Isshiki had much more responsibilities than most students of Sobu. This was not only because she was the president of the student council, however.
"Don't you have the soccer club to attend to as well?" I asked.
Not many students were part of two clubs, let alone one of them being the illustrious student council. Ignoring Isshiki's personality, it was quite the honour student profile.
"...It's really cold at the soccer club nowadays," said Isshiki as she turned her face away and rubbed her thighs together in embarrassment.
Club had just started, but I had already sighed more times in the past few minutes than the entire day before that. For shirking her responsibilities, hardly anyone was a bigger disappointment than Isshiki Iroha. Well, there was a certain large, delusional beast that fit that description (something about a warrior or a novelist?), but his name and face currently eluded me.
I was losing what little interest I had by the minute, and it appeared as though Hikigaya was facing the same thing. Fortunately, Yuigahama took the plunge.
"A-Ahaha... So, what did you need?"
Isshiki cleared her throat, loosened the front of her shirt and gazed deeply into Hikigaya's eyes.
"So, um, Senpai, I don't really care, but do you like sweets?" asked Isshiki.
Looking bored, Hikigaya instantly replied, "If you're talking about Hayama, I'm sure he'll be happy to eat whatever you give him."
It would appear as such to most people. However, that had not always been true. His sickening smile had not always been that tightly glued on his face. Subpar chocolate would have resulted in a subpar smile, leading to rather sticky situations.
"Oh, but it sounds like Hayato-kun's not accepting any chocolate, though," said Yuigahama.
It was quite an unsurprising situation, given the bloodbath that had resulted in years previous, but only to me. Yuigahama and Isshiki were, of course, out of the loop.
"It's obviously because of the disputes that will ensure. During elementary school, the classroom would see sparks flying all over the place on the following day."
Both Isshiki and Yuigahama gave an understanding "Ahh". Even Hikigaya nodded several times, though I didn't care to find how he could sympathize with a situation so far removed from his usual experiences.
"Fine, I'll just have to make do with you, Senpai," said Isshiki as she turned back to Hikigaya, "So, do you like sweets?"
"That's one bizarre way of asking me..."
That kind of question had been asked a few times in the past. The answer was obvious. To be able to slurp down a coffee concoction overloaded with excessive sugar constantly, a fetish for sweets was surely needed. It was a crude love, to be sure.
"Hikki likes them a lot!" piped up Yuigahama.
"That's true," I confirmed.
Isshiki was taken aback.
"I-It's kinda weird how you both answered for him, but... that's good to hear! I've been wondering how sweet I should make my chocolates, you see. People have their preferences, right?"
"The sweetness... Isshiki-san, are you planning to make them on your own?" I asked
"Now that's a surprise..." commented Hikigaya.
"Isshiki Iroha" and the "cooking" didn't exactly mesh in my head. Cooking took a fair degree of discipline, after all.
Isshiki glared at us and proudly said, "Why's that? I'm good at making sweets, you know."
On the other hand, Yuigahama shrank back and murmured, "Dang, that must be nice. I wanna learn how to make them too, but I'm just so bad at it..."
"Bad" was surely an understatement. Yuigahama was unable to keep track of time and was prone to adding random ingredients, thinking they would improve the flavour. Discipline was a far cry. Perhaps I should be a little less harsh on Isshiki.
Isshiki placed her hand on Yuigahama's shoulder to comfort her.
"Yui-senpai, cooking is all about being sincere. The important things are to convey feelings of kindness and sympathy. The shortcut to improvement is to consider the person you're cooking for. After all..."
Isshiki raised a finger and spoke with a voice so peaceful that it was as if she achieved Nirvana.
"After all, we're dealing with boys who know absolutely nothing about handmade sweets. So, handmade chocolates are a piece of cake. It doesn't cost much to make a lot and you can add finishing touches by customizing each one to your liking. The boys will be all over them."
Hikigaya spoke with pure despair, "Your sympathy's gone far beyond the horizon... Even your kindness was purely for your wallet."
"It's more problematic because that way of thinking isn't wrong in the least as well..." I muttered.
The convoluted reasoning managed to loop back to a straight path.
"It doesn't make me happy at all..." said the receiver of the advice with frustration.
Isshiki groaned and frantically waved her hands, "Well, that was actually a joke. It's what Senpai would say."
An Isshiki infused with the essence of Hikigaya was truly deplorable. A younger girl with ideas so twisted that it could make you cringe — actually, didn't someone like that already exist?
"That being said," said Isshiki, steering the conversation back, "I'd like some references for making obligatory chocolate. What kind of sweets do you like?"
"What kind, huh...? I guess this."
Hikigaya rummaged through his bag. This was a new side to him. Although he enjoyed drinking the highly sugary MAX COFFEE, I did not think he was the type to munch on cookies or pastries.
A metallic clink rang out as Hikigaya placed an object on the table. It was a can of MAX COFFEE.
I was disappointed in myself for thinking he was something other than one-hundred percent crude.
"...I bet even I can make that," said Yuigahama in disbelief.
A thump echoed. Hikigaya pounded his fist on the table.
"Like hell you can. Quit screwing around and stop looking down on MAX COFFEE. If you're thinking you can just dump condensed milk and sugar into coffee, you're quite mistaken. No, seriously, don't even bother."
"He's actually angry at that!?"
A company does safeguard its exact recipe that precisely achieves the unique taste of the food they make. The makers of MAX COFFEE must know the precise quantities of ingredients needed to ruin perfectly good coffee.
Isshiki glanced at the can of MAX COFFEE and thought for a bit.
"Actually, that would put me over my budget," said Isshiki as she pointed at the completely affordable beverage
"I don't know exactly how much you plan on making, but your budget is rather meagre if you're limiting yourself to less than 120 yen a piece," I said.
A tiny bag of flour, another tiny bag of sugar, a thumb-sized bottle of vanilla, perhaps it was possible to get all the ingredients you needed for less than a thousand yen. However, Isshiki would be missing out on significant economies of scale.
"No problem," confidently spoke Hikigaya, "MAX COFFEE is cheaper if you pick the right store and buy it in bulk."
"Jeez Hikki, just how into it are you..."
Hikigaya crossed his arms and looked directly at me, "It's what happens when you don't get very many opportunities to drink sweet stuff. I always have to drink bitter stuff, after all."
Oh, the poor plebeian. It must be so crippling to live with such ignorance.
"Bitter things aren't something you drink, but something you experience."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. But the pain I have to deal with doesn't change. In that case, I just want to live the rest of my life drinking sweet juices."
"It sounds like what you taste isn't bitter things, but life itself..." I said in exasperation.
Hikigaya merely shrugged at my words.
Indulgence in the radical opposite was what one would call escapism. Unfortunately, tools of escapism were readily available these days, such as cheap alcohol and the genre of fantasy other worlds. Taking comfort and sweeping things under the rug was difficult to resist.
Isshiki piped in, "Right. I don't really care, though. I wanted to hear your thoughts on the basics of obligatory chocolate, Senpai."
Hikigaya assumed a posture of deep thought. You could almost visualize voltage-gated ion channels opening and closing throughout the neurons in his brain. He was surely reaching into every little compartment of his memories to recall a time when he received obligatory chocolates.
Of course, every one of us figured that such memories simply did not exist.
"Ohh, Senpai, you're the type to not get any, huh?" cheekily spoke Isshiki, "But don't boys usually compete over who gets the most chocolate? Won't that hurt your pride as a boy if you don't get anything?"
"Uh, it's not like I need them. When was Valentine's Day a sport? When you compete in a sport, you put in effort and you do something. You don't just sit there, waiting for something to happen. That wouldn't be a competition at all. Also, a boy's pride isn't so fragile that not competing would put it at zero. I never compete anyway, and my pride's already zero, but you can't say that it was because I—"
Hikigaya's rambles were more incomprehensible than usual. Yet there was one simple, foundational truth that overturned the need for such ramblings.
With pity, Isshiki spoke, "I guess there's no helping you. In that case..."
I immediately cut her off, "You don't need to be concerned for him."
"Huh...? Don't tell me, Yukinoshita-senpai, you're going to—"
"Because Hikigaya-kun doesn't have any friends he could compete with."
I couldn't help myself. Truth could sometimes be delightfully wicked.
Isshiki nodded in understanding. Hikigaya couldn't prevent himself from reluctantly nodding as well.
"Eeeeh, I don't think you need to worry," said Yuigahama with puffed cheeks.
Yuigahama rubbed her hands a little underneath the table. She avoided facing Hikigaya and glanced at him with upturned eyes.
"Besides, Hikigaya will get chocolate... right?" she said with reservation.
"...Huh?" I let out inadvertently.
Yuigahama's cheeks slightly flushed. Hikigaya nodded back with a small smile, as if in consent. Isshiki frantically looked back and forth between the two.
Suddenly, Hikigaya shouted, "Hmph, you got that right! I... I have Komachi after all!"
Isshiki asked in confusion, "Huh? Komachi...? Who's that? Is that rice?"
Yuigahama lengthily exhaled but without the other two noticing.
"O-Oh, Komachi-chan is Hikki's little sister!" explained Yuigahama.
With sharp eyes, Isshiki critically appraised him, "You had a sister, Senpai?"
"Yeah," said Hikigaya with a nod.
Isshiki eyed Hikigaya as carefully as a detective. She was likely connecting the dots about the disgusting human being known as Hikigaya Hachiman. Thus, it was inevitable that she arrived at the following conclusion.
"Siscon?"
Hikigaya said with vehement denial, "No stupid, obviously not."
"...Um, I'm not too sure if I can deny that," refuted Yuigahama.
Indeed, a major part of Hikigaya Hachiman's existence was spoiling his younger sister. It would be wrong not to call Hikigaya a siscon. Have Komachi converse with another boy, and one could easily find Hikigaya hiding around the corner, giving that boy the devil's eye. Things would get even more out-of-hand because it seems like Komachi is actually enjoying Hikigaya's excessive attention. Who knows what shocking things go on between the two behind the closed doors of the Hikigaya household?
"Senpai, you really do like younger girls," mischievously spoke Isshiki.
Hikigaya shrugged and said, "No, not really."
"Then..."
Isshiki glanced at Hikigaya with upturned eyes. Her eyes were slightly moist, and she held a shaky hand in front of her chest. Hikigaya rigidly straightened his back and beheld the sight.
"Do you hate... younger girls?"
Hikigaya hung his mouth open, stock-still, unable to respond. It was a little annoying how he was unable to even crack a joke at the ridiculously perverse display by Isshiki.
"You know what, the way you're asking is problematic," said Yuigahama in exasperation.
"Ah... Yeah, I guess," said Hikigaya.
Hikigaya blinked a few times, and then he did his best to put on a straight and nonchalant face.
"As long as I have my little sister, I like them either way, older or younger."
"That sounds like a disease far worse than being a siscon or someone into younger girls!" shouted Yuigahama.
Setting aside Hikigaya's incurable illness of inappropriate affection for his younger sister, Isshiki brought up a curious issue. School curriculum-wise, Isshiki was one year below us. Consequently, we would assume that Isshiki was fully one year younger than us. But was that really the case? I couldn't remember her exact birthday, but it was quite possible that Isshiki was only a few months younger than us.
"The problem is what qualifies someone as younger. The definition's rather vague. I believe we should sort that out first, don't you think?" I suggested.
"Oh, but hey, Hikki seems like he'd be compatible with an older girl for sure...! I think, definitely," said Yuigahama with a rather large amount of emphasis.
Hikigaya turned to me and said, "That's not really applicable here. If we're talking about a year gap, it's not that big of a difference."
I see. So, the characteristic of being "younger" didn't apply if a minimum threshold was not met. At least for Hikigaya, a minimum of two years was required to be thought of as younger.
Time exerted its full influence on us even in small intervals. The difference of just two years of age was enough to fundamentally change the way two people understood each other.
I glanced at Yuigahama, and I glanced at Hikigaya. Understanding those two was difficult enough without age differences coming into play.
Isshiki groaned, "Ehh, are you sure? Does Hayama-senpai think that way, too?"
"No idea."
"But senpai, you said that being younger is an advantage, right?"
"Yeah, I guess I did, huh. Though, if anything, you were born in April, so you're less than a year apart from me. So, you don't feel all that much younger than me, anyway."
Isshiki froze.
Unexpectedly, Hikigaya casually threw out a piece of information that only a grotesquely obsessed individual who scours the social media pages of everyone he has met would know. Don't tell me that his dead-fish eyes looked like that because of his endless online stalking alone in his room at night every day?
"How the heck do you know her birthday!?" screeched Yuigahama, "That's scary! You're creepy, Hikki... No, seriously..."
"You seem rather informed," I said in monotone.
"No no, Isshiki mentioned it the other day with her pointlessly sly appeal," said Hikigaya in denial.
Isshiki woke herself up from her stupor and said, "Did you say pointless!? Is not! Actually, I'm not the one being sly, it's you, Senpai!"
"I have an amazing memory, that's why," said Hikigaya, "Anyway, if you're done here, go back to your student council or soccer club already."
Isshiki tried to say something back, but she decided to obey and stomped her way towards the door.
Isshiki did not seem satisfied, but her issue hardly qualified to be something that needed our serious intervention. It was just a silly way to pass the time.
Strangely enough, my current self did not mind. Revert the current time to last year, and I would surely have been angered.
One year narrowed the gulf between us. If we were to continue enjoying these rose-coloured days over and over, then perhaps we could achieve much more.
It was all so dreamy like a fairytale. When I closed my eyes, I could see nothing but clouds.
Before Isshiki could make her way to the door, light knocks could be heard. Isshiki promptly returned to her seat as if she had never left. I shot her a disapproving glare, but she seemed to ignore me completely.
"It's not like we need their help…" said a haughty voice from beyond the door.
"It's fine, it's fine," responded a more amicable voice, "Besides, I don't really know all that much, either."
It appeared we had some real guests with real problems.
"Come in," I graciously called out.
"Hallo, hallo! Do you guys have a minute?"
The first to pop in was Ebina Hina. She was plenty friendly and was reasonably sharp (the latter trait being in contrast to her good friend Yuigahama). As a club, we came in contact with her frequently enough and quite enough. Unfortunately, she had a serious affliction where she would pointlessly mumble about some perverted things. I have no idea how Yuigahama puts up with that constantly.
"Hina? Oh sure, come in, come in!" beckoned Yuigahama.
"Excuse us for the intrusion," said Ebina as she entered.
Following up from behind was Miura Yumiko. Her looks were quite striking, easily making her the main attraction of any group. Yet, she was particularly troublesome as her my-own-way attitude frequently gave her a bone to pick with me. However, her present expression was rather downtrodden. Her eyes darted around in a mixture of confusion and awkwardness.
Unlike Isshiki, these two individuals did not normally enter this clubroom without a good reason.
"What can we do for you?" I asked.
Miura glanced at the three members of the Service Club, but her expression turned sour when she saw Isshiki.
"And why's she here?"
"Oh, you know, that's exactly what I wanted to say—" started Isshiki in a low voice.
Miura glared at her with dagger-like eyes, prompting Isshiki to abruptly shudder, smile, and fix her attitude.
"…Or something!" Isshiki yelped.
Yuigahama stepped in, "Umm, does having more people here make it harder for you to talk?"
"No. Not really," responded Miura, who was still quite unhappy.
I threw her a bone, "We can always make Isshiki leave if you want."
"Huh!? Why!?" exclaimed Isshiki, rattling her chair.
Ebina sought to mediate, "Now, now, Yumiko. Just think about what you want to talk about, see. If you don't get too specific, it should be fine, right?"
Speaking generally about something would seriously limit our information and, consequently, limit the kind of service we could provide. However, if we could get Miura to be more comfortable, perhaps we could coax a few more specifics out of her.
I gave them my affirmation, noting the difficulties. I looked toward Hikigaya, but he seemed to have no misgivings.
"Let's start from the top, then," I said.
Miura stood a little unsteadily, fiddling with the locks of her hair, but she did not deny us her words.
"…Well, you know? I was thinking about making chocolate… Um, we have exams and all next year… So this is kinda like our last time or something. So like, I figured I'd give it a go or something."
Miura became progressively redder as she spoke her request, eventually moving her face to the side to partially hide her face.
Miura was obviously talking about making Valentine's Day chocolates, given the month. That chocolate would have a recipient. The identity of that recipient was not hard to imagine, as only one blonde-haired lady-killer fit the bill. The problem was what she meant by "last time".
For us second year high school students, the third year was radically different. Never mind the fact that Miura may not be in the same class as the one whom she wants to give chocolates to. Even if she could have worked up the courage to walk down the hall, the person in question might not be in his classroom, for there was no obligation to attend school during next year's spring testing season. Thus, frolicking in the mood of Valentine's Day was also a no-go next year.
Miura was correct in saying that this was the last time she could experience a Valentine's Day as it was this year. Hikigaya nodded in apparent understanding.
Yuigahama asked, "…Yumiko, didn't you say handmade chocolate would be too pushy?"
Miura shrank back and tried to look away. It seemed she had conflicting desires. She was probably taking in consideration Hayama's situation. In addition, her reddened face exposed her own embarrassment over the idea.
"Now, now, what's the problem?" piped up Ebina, "I think making chocolate would be good, too."
"Huh? You're gonna do it too, Hina?" asked Yuigahma.
"Yep. Well, it's more like I'll be accompanying Yumiko, so it wouldn't hurt to learn myself, anyway."
"Ohh, that's kinda surprising…"
"Really? Like, if I learn, it'd come in handy for goodies at like comiket."
Ebina pumped her fist with spirit. A sort of entrepreneurial fire flared up behind her glasses. Yes, engaging in business would develop great skills for the future. That was not even mentioning the benefits of expanding one's cooking repertoire.
Suddenly she turned to Hikigaya and spoke, "Yeah, you definitely gotta go with handmade chocolate! I think you should try giving Hayato-kun some bro-chocolate, Hikitani-kun!"
"Yeah right, I'm not doing that…"
Ebina panted with her mouth open and her tongue sticking out. It was my sincere hope that she would discard this feature of hers, for her future's sake.
"It's not like he's accepting any, right?" countered Hikigaya.
"You're in the clear if you're a guy!" counter-countered Ebina.
Isshiki groaned, "That's true. Now it's much harder for us since he's already declared he isn't accepting anything."
Isshiki sighed simultaneously with Miura. Disliking their mutual sighs, the two lifted their faces and glared at each other.
I straightened myself and crossed my arms.
The root of all problems was Hayama. His reluctance in accepting chocolates had pulled both Isshiki and Miura here.
Hayama Hayato was too popular. It was disgusting how his first instinct was to placate everyone. The two girls across from each other would not currently be emitting sparks if Hayama showed some preference for someone, relinquishing faint hopes from distant admirers. Though, I doubted if he even held any such interests at the moment.
Hikigaya sighed and said, "I need some MAX COFFEE. Let me dip out for a second."
I nodded. I watched Hikigaya leave the club room, and my eyes remained on his figure until he fully left.
Speaking of which, my own cup of tea was getting cold. Furthermore, we had more guests now. Perhaps it was a good time to brew another pot.
I prepared the kettle. There water's temperature rose concurrently with Miura's temper. Isshiki continuously switched between whimpering in fear and glaring in anger. I hoped that Hikigaya would return soon so that we could settle things before an incident came about.
While certain conflicts of interests manifested themselves in the form of glaring, I thought about the request at hand. Miura wanted to give Hayama chocolates, though she had some reservations, mostly of emotion or will. Only her friend Yuigahama could help her decide whether or not to make chocolates for Hayama. I would be of more help for the practical matters.
"Welcome back, Hikki… Huh, Saki?"
"Ah, yeah…"
Hikigaya came back, clutching a can of MAX COFFEE. Surprisingly, he dragged along yet another person.
The person who shuffled in with him was Kawasaki Saki. She wore a scowl, giving off an aura of violence. We've been involved with her several times in the past, but she was no less unapproachable today, though with an extra bit of awkwardness. To be honest, I was about as distant from her as I was with Ebina and Miura. Yuigahama was the one who was closer. I was unsure of her current relation to Hikigaya, though.
Isshiki shrunk back in fear.
In complete opposition, Ebina greeted, "Oh hey, there, Saki-Saki. Hallo, hallo!"
"Don't call me Saki-Saki," spat Kawasaki.
Yuigahama offered a seat to Kawasaki. She sat down, but she began shifting uncomfortably.
I had just finished preparing more tea. Her timing was good. I poured some tea into a paper cup and handed it to Kawasaki.
I asked, "So, what do you need from us today?"
"Th-Thanks… Um…" muttered Kawasaki as she accepted the tea.
Kawasaki stopped there and couldn't find her words. We sat there in silence for a few seconds. Impatiently, Miura rapped on the table with her nails. Provoked, Kawasaki sent Miura the stink eye. Miura reciprocated in kind.
"Excuse me," arrogantly said Miura, "Who says we're done with my issues?"
"Ha?" Kawasaki said with enmity, "You're just drinking tea, aren't you?"
The two scowled at each other with blatant hostility. My goodness, people sure did enjoy stirring each other's pots today. Or maybe they enjoyed looking very deeply into each other's eyes.
Isshiki froze, uneasily smiling and all. Hikigaya smiled too, with wryness.
Ever the mediator, Ebina spoke, "Okay, okay, calm down, Yumiko. Saki-Saki, you're here to talk about something, right? If you don't mind, we'd like to listen, too."
"I believe we're the ones that'll be helping…" I said with a sigh.
Since when did Ebina Hina join the Service Club. Rather, did she just serve us more work while keeping her own hands clean?
Kawasaki peeked at the three actual members of the club. Sighing, she opened up.
"Well, I had some questions about making chocolate—"
Miura interjected, "What, you're also gonna give someone chocolate? That's hilarious."
"Ah?" snarled Kawasaki.
"Ha?" growled Miura.
"Don't lump me together with you. I'll have you know I'm not interested at all in what you want to do with them," proclaimed Kawasaki.
"Ha?"
"Ah?"
Isshiki whispered not-very-covertly to Hikigaya, "Senpai, your acquaintances really are all weird people…"
"Ha?" growled Miura at Isshiki.
"Ah?" snarled Kawasaki at Isshiki.
Isshiki immediately leaped behind Hikigaya's chair, hiding in utter fright. Unreliably, the senpai that she's using as a shield was shaking as much as she was.
I sighed and massaged my temples. Our club turned into a daycare for misbehaving children. Tranquility and peace were quite a ways away.
Hikigaya lightly coughed. With a steady voice, he pushed back to the topic at hand.
"So, what's this about chocolate?"
Kawasaki explained, "My little sister heard some things about Valentine's Day at her nursery, and now she wants to make some... Do you know anything small that little kids can make?"
So, the scope changed from high school level to elementary school level. That would certainly affect what we could teach.
Ebina asked in confusion, "Weren't you good at household chores, Saki-Saki?"
"Um, the things I make are kinda plain. I don't think kids would like them."
Kawasaki looked downwards, appearing ashamed of herself.
On the other hand, I was relieved to hear that Kawasaki could cook. Bonus points if she was another sweets lover like Isshiki. Even if that was not the case, she must have been quite skilled if she had been cooking for her family. I would not be surprised if she had a few classy recipes hidden away for special occasions. Whatever the case, our jobs would be easier if she already had a foundation.
With expectation, I asked Kawasaki, "If you don't mind telling us, what, exactly, are you proficient at making, Kawasaki-san?"
"S—"
S?
"S-S—"
Kawasaki averted her eyes and quietly muttered, "S-Simmered potato balls..."
Potato balls stuffed with meat or cheese, covered in batter, deep fried, and garnished with scallions. That was my immediate first thought. But upon observing the subdued reactions around me, I thought about what Kawasaki said again: simmered potato balls. Closely analyzing each word in the phrase, I worked out the image of skinned and quartered potatoes in a pot of boiling water. Maybe she did not even add salt to the water, depending on the sensibilities of the little sister.
There was no other way of putting it. It's plain.
Seeing our reactions (or lack thereof), Kawasaki's cheeks gradually grew more and more crimson.
"Th-That sounds great! I can't even cook! You're totally amazing in my book!" suddenly shouted Yuigahama, "Right, Yukinon!?"
I panicked. Yuigahama suddenly passed the baton over to me, but I was more accustomed to giving criticism than granting comfort.
Let's see. I always cheer myself up by indulging myself in things that I like, therefore...
"That's true. Potato balls remind me of cat balls, so it's rather cute, don't you think?" I said with as great of a smile as I could spread on my face.
You know, like when they curl up as they sleep? So fluffy. I wish I could pet a sleeping kitten, but they would just unroll out of that cute position.
"That's the best you got!?" exclaimed Yuigahama.
"What do cats have to do with anything?" said Hikigaya in exasperation.
It seemed that my words didn't serve to help comfort Kawasaki at all. Actually, she looked straight down at her lap and started shaking.
Hikigaya stepped in, "Well, if you're able to cook those, you should be good."
Isshiki and Ebina praised her skill as well. In response, Kawasak's face softened up a bit. It seemed I had a long way to go if even Hikigaya could make her feel better.
Surprisingly, the haughty queen Miura viewed Kawasaki with respect — but only for a moment before looking away.
Anyway, given the nature of the requests, what we needed to do was straightforward.
"I suppose all we'll need is to pitch a menu of suggestions," I announced.
The recipes had to be on a level that even a child could make them. It should not be too difficult to come up with.
"D-Don't forget me! I wanna know too! If kids can do it, so can I!" exclaimed Yuigahama.
"...I wouldn't be so sure of that."
Yuigahama's aptitude for cooking was far below that of the average child, as far as I was concerned. Give Yuigahama the permission to cook, and she could even turn diced celery turquoise.
"You're being way too honest, Yukinon!"
Hikigaya smiled warmly and said, "Actually, she didn't say that it'd be impossible, so she's being considerate, if anything."
"Just how hopeless do you think I am!?"
Miura leaned in towards me and said, "Hey, what about me?"
"Right, right, let us in on this too!" jubilantly spoke Ebina.
"Oh, I'd like to participate for reference," said Isshiki.
Isshiki gave me an eager grin. I sent her an unhappy glare in response. I could already tell that she was using all of this as an excuse to slack off.
I sighed. While it was troublesome, teaching a few more people at the same time was not significantly harder than teaching just one person.
I glanced at Hikigaya. I wanted to hear his opinion.
"Well, go ahead and see what you can come up with," said Hikigaya as he nodded, "They're the ones who'll be doing the work, anyway."
"That's true... You're right."
I breathed a sigh of relief to myself. For some reason I felt a little bit happy.
Looking at Kawasaki, Ebina and Miura, I said, "I'll put together something appropriate together, so I'd like to have some of your time, if you don't mind."
They nodded. Ideas flooded into my mind immediately.
"Somehow, today feels especially tiring," I muttered to no one in particular.
Most of our visitors had left the room, save Isshiki. We took a moment to rest. I grasped the sides of my mug of red tea, basking in its warmth. Looking to my side, Yuigahama's lap was covered with a blanket. Isshiki was sprawled out on the table in front of me with her eyelids shut. Across the table, Hikigaya appeared to be deep in thought, with the visage of a philosopher, no doubt over-thinking about something useless.
I looked out the window. Spring was still a month away, but the sun seemed to ignore the season and shine resplendently. The temperature outside of these walls was not exactly high enough to be wearing a short skirt. Yet, within the club room, clutching my mug of tea, basking in its aroma, simply sitting close to those you were fond with, I felt warmth.
I turned away from the window. I noticed Hikigaya was looking past me, also enjoying the sight of the sun. He took a sip of his tea with contentment.
Suddenly, the club's door burst open, yet again. I frowned when I saw the wall-mounted spring oscillate with intense frequency.
"Isshiki!"
"Eek!" yelped Isshiki as she jumped out of her seat.
The brazen intruder, who was barely capable of basic manners, was Hiratsuka Shizuka-sensei. She was clearly agitated and angered, though that hardly gave her an excuse to barge in so violently.
"Sensei, knock..." I said in admonishment.
"Ah sorry," said Hiratsuka-sensei, "Because this is kind of urgent. Hey, Isshiki."
She briskly strode towards Isshiki, who stood stock-still in fear. Enraged, Hiratsuka-sensei crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"'Work', huh?" simply spoke Hiratsuka-sensei.
"Ah, um..."
Isshiki was unable to give a response. Her eyes darted around the room, looking for help. Rather than meeting her eyes, I opted to take another sip of tea.
The lazy farmer reaps what she sows, if any crops even grew at all.
Hikigaya scratched his head and asked, "Didn't you say you were very free?"
"... I am very free," responded Isshiki, fully averting her face from Hikigaya.
One did not need any sort of lie detector equipment to see through that lie.
Disappointed, Hiratsuka-sensei spoke, "Although the student council is functioning normally, you still have other jobs to attend to. Didn't I tell you about the graduation ceremony farewell speech and pass it to me?"
"Graduation" was a word that was still a little foreign to us second-years. I suppose it would be at the top of the mind for the exam-taking third-years, as well as the teachers responsible for the paperwork.
"But there's still another month..." moaned Isshiki.
If graduation was foreign to us second-years, it would not even be in the dictionary of first-years, I suppose.
"Too naive!" shouted Hiratsuka-sensei, "If you neglect it, you are going to be so dead!"
Isshiki merely shrugged. Quite careless.
"You can't count on February as a whole month," rebuked Hiratsuka-sensei, "There are less days, and there's also the entrance exam. There's a lot to do. There's just no time in February."
Hiratsuka-sensei brought up excellent observations. Underestimate the passage of time, and everything will fly by you, even though you, yourself, have done nothing. One month was particularly deadly. It was just short enough to pass by in the blink of an eye but also just long enough to have critical events occur with or without you knowing.
With desperation, Isshiki cried out, "Yes! I will do it! I will do my best! I will think of something! That's why I am here to consult with them! I am here to hear about the situation in the previous year!"
I tilted my head in reaction. Did we not just discuss about Valentine's Day chocolates?
Hiratsuka-sensei glanced at me for just a second. She shook her head, having seen through another lie.
"I am saying, you can't do it this way," admonished Hiratsuka-sensei, "Next year, you are going to have to be independent. You can't keep relying on your senpais, right?"
I nodded my head and spoke, "Indeed."
Yuigahama agreed, "Although it's quite a big thing to deal with... but Iroha-chan is the president after all."
Isshiki Iroha was already a few months into her term as student council president. It was long enough for her to take off her Service Club-branded training wheels.
As a last resort, Isshiki turned to Hikigaya and appealed to him with upturned eyes, clutching onto his shirt. Incredibly, Hikigaya did not even appear conflicted one bit. He was about to come up with an excuse on Isshiki's behalf.
That ticked me off just a little bit.
"Hikigaya-kun, you musn't pamper her," I spoke, shaking my head.
"Nothing like that," said Hikigaya, "It's just that she's here to discuss something after all..."
So he ended up covering for her after all. Hikigaya's tendency to spoil girls younger than himself was severely detrimental for Isshiki's growth. I wish we could put a stopper to his annoying habit, but that was likely impossible thanks to the existence of his brocon sister.
"Exactly! Aren't you supposed to at least listen to someone who's here for a consultation?" said Isshiki with transparent thankfulness.
"But Iroha-chan's case is slightly different from Yumiko and Saki..." said Yuigahama in conflict.
"What, you mean there were others who came here too?" asked Hiratsuka-sensei.
"Yes! There were many people who came! So I thought I would lend them my aid—"
"That's not your job," curtly cut off Hiratsuka-sensei.
"Gununu..."
Seeing Isshiki getting backed into a corner, our resident big-brother stepped in.
"Well, the contents of the discussion were more relatable to girls, so it would be better if we had more girls discussing it. At least, that's what I think, since I'm not too sure about it," said Hikigaya as he nodded, "See, isn't it going to be Valentine's Day soon?"
Hiratsuka-sensei, who was acting like she was on fire, froze upon hearing "Valentine's Day".
"Valentine's Day, is it...? So nostalgic..." she wistfully said.
Her eyes moved to the window. She stared. It was a longing. She was searching for something that lay beyond some unbridgeable gap. She uttered "Valentine's Day..." just once more before lapsing to complete silence.
A tight pain seared into my chest. A great awkwardness enveloped me as we were forced to look upon a grown woman with tragic, hopeless regrets. It was quite cringeworthy. How awful. How annoying.
Hiratsuka-sensei gathered herself somewhat and spoke to Hikigaya, "Since someone came to you with a request, I guess the farewell speech can wait a bit. You do need Isshiki to help you out once in a while."
Hikigaya shrugged and said, "Eh, not really. I don't really need Isshiki to help with anything.
"Isn't that just mean!?"
A grand betrayal. Big brother only has so many treats to give out before he runs out. I nodded to myself in approval.
"Alright, alright, it's not really a bad idea," interjected Yuigahama, "If she can lend a helping hand, we would have less to deal with."
Antics aside, to deal with the requests of Miura, Ebina and Kawasaki, we certainly needed another hand. There were quite a lot of people directly involved this time. It helped that Isshiki was familiar with making sweets, so she could be used as a teaching assistant.
"If Yuigahama-san says as much, then I have no objections," I affirmed.
"Then it's decided," said Hiratsuka-sensei in approval, "Isshiki will, to the best of her abilities, settle the farewell speech herself. Also, since so many people have entrusted you all with their requests, I think you all deserve some praise for your performance up until now."
Hikigaya responded with self-deprecation, "Isn't it just because they treat us as some handyman?"
"Even if so, you are still helping others," lectured Hiratsuka-sensei, "Being able to push yourself a little is very important. I think it's not a bad idea for Isshiki to possess this trait."
"Yes! I will continue to put in my best efforts!" exclaimed Isshiki, clearly sweating from head-to-toe.
"Well, my original intention was just to correct some of your flaws," said Hiratsuka-sensei.
Though she was conversing with Hikigaya, she spared a glance in my direction.
Indeed, from the very beginning, this club would not have been needed had there not existed two problem children.
One of the children was enrolled in a class that was considered the pride of the school, yet she could not have bothered to think about anyone's feelings as she imposed her own flawed way of doing things on others.
One of the children was problematic from every possible angle, from appearance to attitude. He could not hold a conversation to save his life. His obsessions and pains have brought him understanding, but he had a difficult time doing anything that truly satisfied everyone.
For now, it was best for me to grasp what I could understand and work from there. In other words, what I needed to do was to live and persist in the present time. That was, perhaps, how we could treat our flaws.
Hiratsuka-sensei gently patted Isshiki's head. Isshiki reacted with a cute "oof". I almost expected Isshiki to turn her head up and rub that hand with her face, but she was, of course, not a cat. After giving us some encouragement, Hiratsuka-sensei left the club room.
Some important things happening in the background was brought to our attention by Hiratsuka-sensei. However, it was most prudent to put those things on the backburner and focus our attention on the immediate issues — the Valentine's Day requests.
"But, it really is quite troubling," I muttered.
Our present burdens were not a joke. The sheer quantity was enough to make my head spin.
"Yes," said Isshiki, nodding in agreement, "Miura-senpai showing her seriousness there is indeed a little troubling."
I stared at her coldly and said, "What I meant was the amount of requests."
This girl could stand to stop thinking about herself once in a while.
"But, you know, I think I kind've understand how Hayato-kun is feeling..." said Yuigahama with a hint of sadness.
Hikigaya and I looked toward Yuigahama, imploring her to continue.
"Ah, how should I put it... as expected I can't really say it openly, or maybe I just read too much into things..."
Yuigahama was more than a little airheaded, but with regards to her friendships, she knew where to draw the line. Obviously, there were things that she could not divulge to people who were distant from Hayama Hayato, such as me. Of course, there was the other two as well.
I could venture a guess at what Yuigahama was about to divulge. Hayama Hayato has chosen to live up to the expectations of absolutely everyone. There was almost no one that he did not try to satisfy. Sometimes this entailed not reaching a conclusion, for the finality of a conclusion closed off doors. To keep those doors open, Hayama would have to deliberately prevent himself from making a final decision. Superficially, Hayama appeared indecisive. In reality, he had chosen the extreme middle ground.
I shook my head. His ideals completely conflicted with mine, which sought to see things through to the bitter end.
"Ah, that is so like Yui-senpai," said Isshiki in adoration, "So kind."
"You think? Ahaha..." awkwardly spoke Yuigahama.
Yuigahama's whole body wilted downwards. Her bangs cast a shadow across her face.
"Just like me, huh..."
"Yuighama-san?"
Yuigahama reacted unusually unconfidently towards Isshiki's words, though the other two didn't seem overly worried. I wondered if Hayama's situation was straining her. The current situation was ripe for rumours.
However, within the length of time that I knew Yuigahama, I've only seen an expression that sombre a handful of times — for instance, during our time handling Isshiki's first request, after the whole thing at the bamboo forest. I was more than a little worried.
"Well, isn't it enough to just use an excuse?" suggested Hikigaya, "Some sort of official reason to convince Hayama."
Upon hearing Hikigaya's suggestion, Yuigahama reverted to a previous smile and glanced at Hikigaya.
Isshiki tilted her entire body to the side, indicating her lack of understanding.
Hikigaya continued, "Just as long as you get him into a position whereby he's forced to accept it, or rather, whereby he can accept it naturally, as the obvious course of action."
I stiffened my spine.
He spoke methodically, definitely coldly, and with a tone only a few steps away from malevolence. In other words, he spoke with his usual brand. If unimpeded, what would follow would be a plan of action that would leave someone dissatisfied, bring someone else to tears, or force another person to bury the hatchet. He would not care even if he bore the brunt. It was all too easy for him to fall back to his usual devices.
Isshiki still looked confused. I looked towards Hikigaya, putting some steel in my eyes.
"So you're saying, it's fine as long as there is an excuse?"
I laid out his intentions plainly, partly to throw a bone to Isshiki but mostly to put a roadblock in front of Hikigaya.
"That's right, 'closed', that thing," muttered Hikigaya, eyeing me for moment, "A closed environment..."
Saying so, he paused for a moment to think. Hikigaya was mostly unstoppable once he had decided on something that he needed to do, but it perhaps he paid heed to my warning. To deal with significant fallout, none of us wanted that.
"For example," continued Hikigaya, "Don't mention Valentine's Day. Just get him to taste it. If it's just a taste test, he'd eat it. Something like that, I dunno."
His plan was a lot tamer than I was expecting. I felt my spine relax.
Hikigaya's plan was likely something that Hayama, himself, would have come up with. It was a strange convergence. Hikigaya mentioned a "closed environment". Perhaps he wanted to isolate Hayama to a place where there would be no leakage of the fact that he would eat girls' chocolates. Hayama would have provided an alternative reasoning, however. Being a taste tester would be the act of compromising that Hayama was so fond of. It would act as an excuse to appreciate the girls' chocolates without needing to reciprocate any sort of affection.
Yuigahama, seeming to have understood, spoke with giddiness, "So it's like that. Would it be okay for everyone to make the chocolates together?"
"Well, something like that," replied Hikigaya, "Whether it's Isshiki or Miura, if you make it with Hayama and ask him to taste test, that guy can't reject you."
Isshiki stood up and jubilantly spoke, "I understand the gist of it now! I just have to drag him to a place where no one can interfere with us?"
Hikigaya frowned and said, "Although you aren't wrong, but please watch how you say it..."
"Because that's rather lewd" — he was probably about to say that. However, what he was proposing was absolutely in line with spiriting away Hayama.
"As expected of a genius who specializes in disappearing from the public eye and unfair tactics," I said with a chuckle.
Hikigaya frowned even further and murmured, "You need to fix the way you speak as well."
I giggled. There was no way I would ever stop doing something as enjoyable as teasing Hikigaya.
"Then let's all do it," said Yuigahama as she bolted to her feet, "All of us together, I mean."
I nodded and said, "Indeed. If we could teach everyone at the same place as well, there would be no need to suggest recipes to each individual."
It was a fantastic idea. It was assured that the people involved would be fine with having Hayama taste test. Rather than treat each person's request on a case-by-case basis, teaching everyone at the same time would save us a lot of headache. There was also few enough participants that some individualized assistance could be provided.
While I was in my train of thought, Isshiki suddenly took hold of my hands.
"Ah, isn't that great, holding an event with everyone who came in with a request, learning from each other! Also, if Yukinoshita-senpai would teach, then that would be really great, ehehe."
Isshiki appealed to me with eyes glittering like pure candy. Her face was less than half a metre away from mine. I couldn't look away from her saccharine smile. Her energy was amazing.
"E-Eh, eh... I don't really mind..."
Those words left my lips before I could even think about it. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
Yuigahama and Isshiki were fully on board with the plan. There was one last person to ask, so that we could form a consensus.
Shooting a glance at Hikigaya, I asked him, "If it's help, I don't think there's a problem providing it. What do you think?"
Hikigaya merely shrugged and responded, "I can't really care, even if you ask me what I think. I mean, you're the one teaching them."
"Is that so? That's true, I suppose."
Having his approval was relieving. Truly, universal agreement was something to be treasured. Compromising meant putting everyone in a state where they were less than fully satisfied.
With our plan set, we had to take care of the practical matters. To be able to teach everyone, we would need to secure a suitable venue.
Hearing me think aloud, Isshiki pulled out her cell phone and made a call. She told her conversational partner, the vice-president, to set some things up and to secure a time slot for us at the community centre. I was a little concerned about how distressed the voice from the speaker was sounding. As much as Isshiki stressed us out, it seemed like the student council faced the full blow. I apologized to the vice-president silently, as, technically, we were responsible for making Isshiki the president.
"Um, Yukinon, what about me?" asked Yuigahama.
Let's take stock. Our goal was to teach people how to create treats for Valentine's Day. This required culinary skills. Unfortunately, ingredients tasted better raw than after they were mishandled by her.
I placed my hand on her shoulder in camaraderie. I liked Yuigahama. I truly did. We were friends, and friends compensated for each others' weaknesses.
I spoke to her with as much kindness as I could muster, "I will do it together with you."
Truly, out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. Actually, I could feel my eyes starting to water, not only because my tongue remembered the last time I sampled Yuigahama's creations. Yuigahama's eyes began to water as well, though maybe for a different reason.
"You don't trust me at all!? Uuuuuu, then, what would Hikki be doing?"
"I have no experience with cooking or baking," he replied.
It seemed that hasn't changed between now and a year ago. Thinking back, there was that request from long ago that also involved cooking. I gave Hikigaya the same words that I had said back then.
"It doesn't matter. You just need to taste it and give us your opinion."
Hikigaya seemed somewhat surprised, but responded with extreme overconfidence, just like back then.
"Leave it to me. I specialize in that field."
The three of us shared warm laughter. Isshiki, who was observing us while still on the call, tilted her head in confusion.
So much had changed since then. Time was also like a stream of water. What that stream decided to carry forward or when it started to branch seemed completely random to us. Because of that, how you recalled an event today might be completely different from how you thought of it in the past.
Back then, I thought that the way how he resolved that cooking incident was crude and not wholly proper. Today, I treated it as a fond memory. His answer was rough around the edges, but he truly understood. I don't think Yuigahama was terribly happy about it back then, but, given her boisterous laughter today, Hikigaya's answer gave her what she needed. It was because of that we could look back at it fondly.
Isshiki hung up. She neatly tucked away her phone in her bag, swung it on her shoulder, and stood up.
"Well, that settles it," triumphantly spoke Isshiki, "The finer details will be settled by the student council, so I will leave the preparation of the cooking room up to you."
I nodded to Isshiki. She turned to leave clubroom.
"Well then, sorry to trouble you, Isshiki-san," I said with gratefulness.
"Yes, do your best, Iroha-chan!" said Yuigahama, pumping a fist.
At the doorway, Isshiki turned around one last time to give us a bow. We watched our little junior leave.
I had to give Isshiki some credit. Though she was selfish and often avoided work, she had the capability to finish the things that she started. I hoped that we were a positive influence on her, despite our individual quirks.
"Somehow, it turned into a big deal, huh..." commented Yuigahama.
"Right. Things just kept escalating," I said with a sigh, "I like that she's willing to work out the details now, but she's a magnet for trouble."
There were times where Isshiki would propose something completely outlandish, such as that time she forced us to help write those needless articles. This time, however, we found ourselves having to scale up and rent a big room out of necessity. Her propensity to escalate things was useful this time.
"Um, sorry, the whole thing was mostly my idea, anyway," apologized Hikigaya.
"You don't need to apologize," I said, shaking my head, "Your role is rather minimal this time around, so there's nothing you need to be concerned with."
"Hikki, you can leave it to us!"
I smiled pleasantly at Hikigaya. He would not have to bear the entire burden. So long as he was watching over Yuigahama and me, things would go smoothly. I was confident in this because, just like that time a year ago, Hikigaya's role in the background was what solved Yuigahama's request.
"...As I thought, it feels strange when I'm fortunate enough not needing to do anything," sardonically muttered Hikigaya.