Monday night saw everyone at James and Lily's. Well, everyone except Sirius, though he'd been invited. Remus didn't know whether to be grateful or disappointed about that. He seemed to have trouble with those things when it came to Sirius. Though he supposed he wasn't particularly good at understanding his thoughts when it came to most things. But with Sirius...well, somehow it seemed even more complicated. How? He didn't know, but it definitely was.

But enough of that. Peter was back. Dorcas and Marls were there. Obviously James and Lily were, it was their place after all. Apparently they'd also invited Frank, Mary, and Alice, but they'd not been able to come. A little sad really, Remus hadn't seen any of them in so long now. But in a way it was good. Quiet was nice. Though, six 19/20 year old's, weren't generally quiet, so maybe that wasn't the right word. But it would be nice. Remus had had to convince himself that it was actually a good idea. He'd been rather inclined to stay home with a whole lot of tea and chocolate. But no. Socialising was good. At least, that's what he told himself.

So here they were, sitting in the living room. Plates on laps. Music playing from someone's phone. Remus didn't even know whose phone it was. There had been some discussion of watching a movie, but Marlene needed to get home at eight, and she despised leaving in the middle of movies. So they made do with music and chat. Everyone discovering what everyone else had been up to over the holidays. Marlene and Dorcas had a good time at Dorcas' parents, though Christmas was always a touchy time for Marlene ever since the Christmas she'd introduced Dorcas to her parents, and it… well it hadn't ended well. Peter's mum was feeling much better, but it was quite the scare. So everyone had been glad Peter could make it. He also warned them that he might have to go back sometime in the next few months, she was much better, but still at a dangerous tipping point. They'd all assured him he should do whatever he needed to. Lily and James had shared their story of their time with James' parents, including the fact that Lily was pregnant — met with cheers, hugs, and a whole lot of disbelief. They'd carefully left out the reason why Remus left earlier than planned — something Remus would be forever grateful for. And with all the stories, particularly Dorcas' — Remus had never heard of someone struggle to put up a Christmas tree so much — the time passed quickly and eight came around all too soon.

Somehow it had been decided that they may as well all leave at the same time, especially since Lily, James, and Peter had all gotten home this morning. They were tired, and Remus was kind of glad to home. It was lovely spending time with them all, and he was glad he did, but still exhausted from the past few days home sounded really good right now. So with fifteen minute long goodbyes, a whole heap of hugs, some extra Christmas presents and promises to see everyone soon, they were all out the door.

—

Home. Quiet. Peaceful. Safe.

At least, that's what Remus thought when he first walked inside. About a second later, he noticed that there was someone sitting in a corner with a lamp and a book. If it had been a dream, Remus would have assumed that it was him sitting in the corner. He couldn't count the amount of times he'd done that before. But it wasn't a dream, or at least, he didn't think it was. And he didn't have hallucinations, so it wasn't him, and it was a very real person. A very real person who, once finishing their page, laid the book face down on the floor, stood up and took a step closer to Remus with an apologetic smile.

"So, I know this probably seems very odd," Sirius began, somewhat sheepishly.

Remus raised his eyebrows, "You're not wrong."

"You weren't reaching out or anything, so I a—"

"Let me guess, you asked Lily what to do? And she gave you the key?"

"You're not wrong."

"Look at us go, so good at working out each other's minds." Remus couldn't help but grin a little. What else was there to do?

"Look at us, indeed," Sirius hesitated, tugging at his hair, "I probably should have called first."

"Yeah, I mean, that would've been a good idea." Remus shook his head, turning to flick the light switch on. As lovely as the lamp was, he preferred to be able to see Sirius properly. Not in a dimly lit room.

"Yeah, it would have. But I didn't. So, can we talk?"

"I suppose so. I'm not going to send you away after you've made all this effort, am I?"

And really, I was going to message you anyway.

"You can if you want. I don't want to pressure you into anything,"

"That's very kind coming from the person who basically broke into my apartment."

"I had a key!"

Remus could only shake his head at that. He didn't quite know how Sirius was managing to make this feel normal. He didn't quite know why he was grinning. It was only a few hours before that he'd been obsessing over how he would handle things when he finally did message Sirius. Clearly, all that obsessing was for nothing, because all his plans had been thrown out the window, albeit gloriously.

"So, how's this going to go?" Remus found himself asking, as he moved over to sit on the couch, motioning for Sirius to join him.

"I honestly have no idea, but we do have to talk."

"Yeah, I'd worked that bit out myself. Funnily enough."

"I'm glad I didn't terrify you so much that you forgot your sarcasm," Sirius noted, leaning back on the couch.

"Nothing could terrify me that much. Not even you."

"Am I really that horrifying?"

"The problem is that you're not." Remus paused, squinting at Sirius. "I know what you're doing. You can't trick me into talking."

"It was a question, not a trick," Sirius retorted, holding up his hands in surrender.

"Hm."

"You said yourself, we have to talk."

"I know."

And he did know, he did know. He almost wanted to talk. But his stupid anxiety, and stupid Gilderoy wouldn't let him. There was too much fear. He didn't know how to talk. He could barely talk to James about things like this, let alone Sirius. But Sirius was here, and looking at him so patiently that he could cry. How long though, how long until Remus finally frustrated him enough that he left? How long? Because he couldn't open up. He couldn't talk. If it was all for a relationship of a month.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. I don't really like talking about personal stuff either. But you know we have to." Sirius' voice was painfully gentle, and Remus could feel himself wanting to give in to it all. Sirius' eyes were soft, and for the first time tonight, Remus noticed just how tired Sirius looked. He supposed he looked the same. And he wondered if Sirius' sleepless nights had been spent thinking about him, or if there was something else going on too.

"We do, don't we?" Remus stopped, closing his eyes for a moment before starting to talk again. "I'm scared, Sirius. Really, really scared. I don't think I've ever been as close to someone as I am with you, so quickly. It took awhile with James, it took awhile with Lily. Peter doesn't even know I'm pan, I'm not telling him anything until things calm down with his family, because we all still call him out on his casual homophobia. Gilderoy, well, he was quicker, but he also ended a lot worse. And I know you're not like him, you're not an awful person. But I can't help but wonder if we're making a mistake here. I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to be hurt."

"Oh cheri." Sirius ran his hand through his hair, eyes wide, letting out a sigh. "I'm sincerely hoping this isn't a mistake, because you're the first person I've properly liked in a long, long time. Sure, there's been friends, but they're never like this. Hell, they're never even like any of the rest of the people I've met through you. I've had my brother, and not even him, really. So yeah, I get attatched quickly, and that's my fault." He paused and took in a breath before meeting Remus' eyes, and diving back in, "I dive headfirst into things, ridiculous things, and it's taking all of my self control not to go completely over the top in this conversation. But I'm refusing to scare you off, because I've missed you these past few days."

Remus couldn't help but be amazed at this boy, this strange, strange boy who'd basically broken into his apartment, who had walked into a bakery at three in the morning, who was now opening himself up almost completely after Remus had ignored him for days. How had this strange, strange boy missed him? Compared to Sirius, Remus knew he was nothing. He wasn't particularly intelligent, he wasn't funny, he wasn't even really attractive, and clearly he wasn't too good at being a friend. But still, Sirius was here, smiling a little, patiently waiting for Remus' reply.

"I don't think you could scare me off. It's never you that scares me, it's me that scares me. Everything's so easy with you Sirius. And I don't understand why it's so easy, but it is. I mean, it's not easy, clearly because we're having this conversation. But I have fun with you, Sirius. And I trust you. Why is that?"

"How am I supposed to know? Because I certainly don't. But I feel the same. It's not easy because there's so much to it, but at the same time, I think it could be."

"If only I was a little less of a mess," Remus said with a sheepish sort of smile.

"Listen up, cheri, you're a mess, yeah—"

"Not going for comforting?"
"Hush. Just wait. Before I was rudely interrupted, I was going to say you're a hell of a mess, but so am I. So you don't get to blame this on yourself, alright?"

"I gu—"
"Alright?" Sirius' voice was stern, but there was a gleeful glint in his eyes.

"Alright," Remus gave in much less reluctantly than his tone implied.

Easy. So easy.

"Come here," Sirius demanded, grinning, opening his arms wide and beckoning for Remus.

"Why?"

"Hugs."

"You're an idiot," Remus muttered, but still shuffled across the couch to lean against Sirius, who put an arm around Remus.

"I am an idiot. But you're the man who said I could call you whatever the fuck I want to so, I'm going to say you're just as much of an idiot as I am."
"Well, you're not wrong."

"I'm rarely wrong."

"Pfft."