Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter they were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much*
"How was dinner?" asks my sister Kenzie as Joe and I walk into the house after our nice dinner.
"Yes, how was dinner?" asks Amari with a sly smile and a wink at Joe.
"Well," I say looking at Joe, "I said yes," I smile.
"You said yes?" asks Kenzie, "does that mean? Did he ask you to marry him?" she asks with a joyful smile.
"He did," I smile, "it was so unexpected and so beautiful. I told him yes."
"Congratulations," she says giving me a hug and I hug her back. "Welcome to the family, Joe," she says giving him a hug.
"Thanks," he says with a smile as he wraps his arm around my shoulders.
"Let me see that ring," she says. I show her the diamond on my finger. "Beautiful," she says. "That's absolutely beautiful."
"Thank-you," I smile.
"I helped pick it out," says Amari proudly.
"Is that why you two were being so secretive today?" I ask, "pretending you two weren't up to something?"
"Maybe," she smiles. "Do you like it?"
"I love it," I say. "but I love Joe more than the ring."
"That's good to hear," says Joe with a smile as he rubs my back. "Gatsby, what do you think about your mom and me getting married?"
"I don't know, I like it and I am happy for you I guess," she says.
"You don't seem very happy," I say, "is something wrong, Gatsby?"
"No, nothing is wrong. I am really happy for you two."
"Okay," I say curiously trying to read her expression. I would imagine finding out that I'm getting married again to someone that's not her dad would be a little tough for her. "It's okay, Gatsby I still love your daddy and I always will. Daddy would want me to be happy and I am happy."
"I know," she says with a smile. "That's what I want too for you to be happy."
"Thanks," I say.
"So did you two pick a date yet? Is it going to be a long or short engagement?" asks Kenzie with excitement. "We need to start planning your wedding."
"Relax," I say, "we JUST got engaged. We haven't thought about any of that yet. I think a long engagement would be best but I also want Amari to be at the wedding."
"Okay so are you thinking a winter wedding? Maybe a Christmas wedding? Wouldn't that be such a beautiful wedding?" she asks with excitement.
"It would if I wasn't having a baby a month before that. I was thinking maybe about a year from now," I say. "I want some time to get the baby settled in, work with Amari and her treatments and give myself time to lose the baby weight before we get married."
"Okay so we are looking April or May," she says, "a spring time wedding will be just as beautiful. You could use a lot of pastel colors for your color scheme maybe get married in a garden," she says. "It would be beautiful."
"I will take that into consideration," I say with a smile. "We have plenty of time to think about it," I say. "Right now I just want to enjoy and celebrate being newly engaged."
"All right but you know there's a lot of work that goes into planning a wedding especially in a year. You didn't have a big wedding with Wyatt so let's make this one a big wedding."
"I want to do whatever Joe is comfortable with," I say, "but right now it's time for two little girls to go to bed because it's getting late."
"I'm not tired," says Gatsby.
"Me either," says Amari, "can we stay up a little later?"
"No," I say, "it's time for bed. We can all read a story together and then it's time for bed."
"Okay," they say together.
"Go get your pajamas on and we will be up in a couple minutes to read."
"Okay," they say together once again before they hurry upstairs to get their pajamas on. Amari is doing pretty good with her prosthetic leg it's like she never lost her leg at all. It makes me smile seeing how happy and normal she is despite everything that's happened to her over the last few months.
I thank Kenzie for babysitting for us and tell her goodbye before Joe and I make our way upstairs to read a story with the girls before they go to bed. Joe and I walk into the room to see both girls in Amari's bed waiting to be read to. Joe chooses to read them Peter Pan before they go to sleep. Once we finish reading the story we give them each a kiss goodnight. "Goodnight, Gatsby," I say with a smile before kissing her cheek.
"Goodnight, Mommy," she says with a soft smile. "I love you."
"I love you too," I say with a smile. "Goodnight, Amari," I say giving her a soft kiss on the cheek.
"Goodnight, Mommy, I love you," she says making me smile.
"I love you too," I say with a smile. Joe takes his turn to give them each a kiss and to tell them both goodnight.
Just as I am about to turn off the light in the room Amari stops both Joe and me, "Mommy, am I going to die?" she asks. I stop in my tracks not expecting the question she asked. "Please tell me the truth, am I going to die?"
"I don't know, Amari," I say as we make our way back to the bed. "It's all in God's hands at this point. Dr. Anderson is doing everything he can to stop the cancer from spreading but it's all in God's hands as to what will happen," I say.
"What if God wants me to die?" she asks making my eyes burn with tears.
"Then that's in God's plan," I say trying to hold myself together as Joe rubs my back in support.
"How come bad things happen to good people?" asks Gatsby. "Like how come Daddy had to die, why did God let daddy die and why did God let Mari get cancer?" she asks. "And what if God lets her die too?"
"Bad things don't come from God," I explain, "nothing bad ever comes from God, trials come from God and losing your daddy was a trial, having your sister get cancer was a trial, but the bad things do not come from God. A trial is meant to build your faith in God, to become stronger in your faith. I don't understand it either but God has some type of plan in mind for us. I know it's hard to understand especially when I don't understand it myself but God works in the ways for the good of all men and women. Maybe God needed your daddy more than we did and needed him to be an angel. Just like Joe's wife Kate became an angel too. Maybe God needed her more than Joe did. I know it's hard to accept but maybe God needed them more than we do but they are not gone they are still angels and live in our hearts that watch over us all the time."
"But why is Mari sick?" she asks.
"I don't know. I wish I could answer that for you but I can't, I just have to keep trusting God and pray that he heals her of the cancer but I also understand if God chooses to take her to make her an angel as well. It will be hard for us but do you see how much Mari has gone through, how much pain she has felt? Sometimes a complete healing means losing the people we love like your daddy. He was hurt in battle we don't know what injuries he would have suffered and dealt with the rest of his life. We will never know but we need to trust that God knew what he was doing and chose to heal him by taking him from the Earth where he feels no more pain and has no more injuries. Life is tricky sometimes but we have to keep trusting that God knows what he's doing, and knows what his plan is. God always has the solution to a problem before we even know there is a problem. God knows how our lives will begin, what happens to us in the middle and how our lives will end before we are even born. God knows what he's doing and we just need to trust his judgment."
"But I don't want to lose my sister," she says.
"I don't want to lose her either but if that's how it's going to heal her and give her a pain free life then so be it. We can't be selfish about it," I say. "We have to be trusting and faithful."
"I don't want to die," says Amari, "I will miss you too much."
"I will miss you too we will all miss you but Amari you will always be with us no matter what, you will always be in our hearts. So if you ever find yourself getting too weak to fight and feel yourself ready to give up do what you need to do. It will break my heart but knowing you will be pain free and knowing you will be healed is what matters the most to me."
"Mommy," she says, "what's Heaven like?"
"I don't know," I say, "but I like to imagine that it's beautiful, that the sun is always shining, everyone is always happy. I like to think that there are flowers everywhere, angels all around watching over their loved ones and watching over other people. I just think that Heaven is the most beautiful place."
"Oh," she says. "Will I get all the ice-cream that I want?" she asks.
"I would think so," I smile.
"That sounds fun," she says with a smile. "But I still don't want to die."
"No one ever wants to die," I say, "and we never want the people that we love to die but sometimes that's how life works."
"I know," she says, "but I am going to keep fighting, Mommy because I want to see you marry Joe and I want to meet my baby brother or sister."
I smile and say, "you're a fighter, Mari, you always have been and you are one of the strongest girls I know. I know that you're going to be able to meet your baby brother or sister and I know you're going to be able to see Joe and I get married. We are going to make sure of it," I say.
"Do you promise?" she asks.
"I promise," I say.
"Pinky promise?" she asks holding her pinky up.
"Pinky promise," I say with a smile hooking my pinky with hers just hoping that we are able to marry before we lose her and hopefully have the baby before we lose her. "Any more questions?"
"Not tonight," she smiles. "Goodnight, Mommy."
"Good night," I say with a smile before kissing them each once again before leaving the room after turning off their light.
"That was rough," says Joe as we are lying in our bed.
"It really was. I never know what to say to those kinds of questions. I don't want to lose my 6 year old but if that's what God chooses to do I can't stop him. I didn't want to lose my husband but I did."
"I didn't want to lose my wife either," he says snuggling close to me. "I will never understand it."
"Neither will I," I say, "but somehow God brought you and me together even if it took my daughter getting cancer to do it. You gave her a little more time by donating your bone marrow and I will forever be grateful for that."
"I just wanted to help and when I got the call that I was a match to a little girl I just had to donate my bone marrow to her. I would do it again and again if it meant saving her. She's such an amazing, loving and caring little girl. I want her to grow up and change the world."
"Me too," I say with a smile. "I can never thank you enough for everything you have done for us."
"You don't have to thank me. I was doing what I was meant to do and God brought us together for a reason, made us a family," he says placing his hand on my stomach. "I love you, Madden."
"I love you too," I say with a smile. "What do you think we are going to have? A girl or a boy?"
"I don't care as long as it's healthy. It doesn't matter to me. Kate and I tried for so long to have a baby and it just didn't happen for us. I'm grateful that it's happening for us I don't care if it's a boy or a girl just as long as it is growing well and it's healthy that's all that matters to me," he says before kissing my stomach. "It doesn't matter, Bean what you are," he says talking to my stomach, "just as long as you're healthy. I can't wait to meet you. Your mommy and me are going to love you so much. We're going to give you the world and make sure that you're happy. We are going to give you the best life we can and hope that you have a healthy and happy childhood." I smile at his words. "You don't know how much you mean to us, how much we love you already even if you were a surprise, and unexpected. Some of the best gifts in life are the ones we least expect. I love you so much, Bean we both love you and we both can't wait to meet you. I pray for you every night. I can't wait to feel your heartbeat as you lay on my chest. I'm just praying that I don't mess up this whole dad thing with you. I know my dad wasn't the best dad to me but I know that he loved me and wanted the best for me. I just pray that I can be a better dad than my dad was, make sure you know that I love you and just pray for the best for you in this crazy life. I want to do so much with you. I want to be a part of every milestone of your life and I don't want to miss a thing with you. I pray I am a better man, better father than my dad was. I know my job keeps me busy and there are going to be times I can't be here but I will make sure I never miss a thing with today's technology. You're the greatest unexpected gift in my life and I pray for the day that I meet you. I pray that you love like your mommy does and that your forgive like she does and one day you're going to grow up but I hope that you take your time, give us the time to enjoy you and love on you, spend time with you. Life isn't always going to be easy, it's not always going to be fair. I know that you're not always going to need me but Bean I promise I will always be there. I will always be here no matter what you face, no matter what you do, no matter what you choose. I am going to be the best dad I can be to you. I'm going to love you more than life itself and I'm always going to be here for you. I love you so much, Bean. I will always love you," he says making my eyes fill with tears. It's amazing to hear him and see him love our little baby so much. I had two kids before I met Joe and every pregnancy is a blessing, every baby is a blessing and the first time you experience it's beautiful, it's beautiful every time but to know you created something so precious and finding out you can love something so much even if you haven't met them yet is one of the greatest feelings in the world. I wish for so much for this baby, I hope for it to be healthy for it to never face the pain that Amari has had to face and like Joe I'm always going to be here for it no matter what just like I have always been for Gatsby and Amari. This is no different. I pray for this baby too and hope the same things Joe hopes for.
*A/N: What did you think? Please review and thank-you for reading.