Friday, 8/25/12, Hanamura Household, Afternoon…
"Oooookayy! Ta da! Whattya think, Yosuke!?"
"I officially hate you now, Bear…"
Yosuke groaned like an ogre, his one good eye barely open as he lifted his head toward the door of his room. Teddie stood in his usual outfit with his arms spread wide, framing a blushing and embarrassed Marie. If it were any other time, Yosuke was sure he would have gasped in surprise.
Marie had always worn the same eclectic outfit every time he'd seen her, so it was quite a shock to see her looking...normal. Well, close to normal, anyways: a black pencil skirt that generously hugged her thighs and waist, a camisole version of Teddie's ruffled shirt, and a black pinstripe blazer with the collar popped up. Most curious of all was a thin black pair of eyeglasses that clashed rather garishly with her humongous jade-colored eyes.
It was an odd sight, but Yosuke just couldn't be bothered. "Okay. Go away now." he mumbled, wincing as he felt a throb coming from the black and blue bruise on his eye.
"Alright, outta here," Marie huffed, turning swiftly toward the door before being ushered back by a frantic Teddie.
As Yosuke lay back down on his pillow, he heard Teddie's shrill voice ring out again. "J-just okay!? You're supposed to marvel at the exquisite, refined beauty on display here! Plleeeassee!? Just a little marveling?"
Yosuke had had enough. "Look," he hissed, sitting up and turning toward the two goofballs invading his room, "I don't care, alright!? Whatever stupid thing you two are up to today, I don't wanna know! Just...Just leave me alone." The last part was more to himself than anything.
"C-c'mon, Teddie, let's just go, I look stupid anyways," Marie stuttered, clearly roasting in the awkward air. Teddie wasn't ready to give up, however.
"B-b-but we need you, Yosuke!" he pleaded, getting on his knees a the side of Yosuke's bed, "Emmy-chan has a job interview today, and you know way more about this stuff than we do, so -"
"Teddie."Marie interrupted with a deadly coldness before Yosuke could give the overly loud bear a piece of his mind. Teddie seized up, as if someone had grabbed him by the scruff of his neck.
"Y-yes, Emmy-chan?" he wheezed, looking a bit ashamed.
"He's not feeling good, or whatever, so just leave him alone. You're being annoying." Wow, harsh, Yosuke thought. Teddie looked back at Yosuke then to Marie, his head down.
"O-okay...I'm s-sorry Yosuke," he whimpered, getting back up to his feet and quietly shuffling away.
"Wait for me downstairs, okay? I...I need to ask him something," Marie asked, never taking her eyes off of Yosuke. He tried to contain the nervous chill running down his spine as Teddie looked up at her in confusion.
"B-but Emmy-chan, what are you -"
"Now!"
With a skittish squeak, Teddie scurried out the doorway, which Marie hastily closed. Yosuke couldn't deny that he was mildly terrified of what she could want with him, but he was also too annoyed and heartbroken to care.
"If you're gonna electrocute me to death or whatever, just do it," he whined, turning his back on her brazenly, "Make it quick..."
It was flippant, but Yosuke didn't want to be anywhere on planet Earth, let alone Inaba at this moment in time. He hadn't left his room since Naoto had walked out the door, and he was really struggling to figure out a good reason to get out of bed again, even to go back to work or school. After bawling for the better part of the previous evening, he now felt a grogginess and fatigue that seemed to infect his bones, which in turn made him want to be alone indefinitely. Saki Konishi's death hadn't made him hurt quite as bad as this; he had been sad and angry, sure, but he never wanted to just disappear like this.
Being in a relationship with Saki had always been a dream, a dream that was never going to happen. With Yu's help he had been able to better process and get over her and her death by thinking of it on those terms, as something that he had imagined as a greater deal than it was. Most of all, he had come to terms with the fact that although she may have thought he was annoying and pitiful, she at least didn't hate him or resent him for who he was as a person. Or so he figured, anyways.
With Naoto, it was all the heartbreak of losing someone but none of the bittersweet detachment of a relationship that never came to be. It was real, they had confessed to each other, even kissed! Not only had he been assured that his feelings weren't misguided, but also, in her own words, that not being with him made her feel less whole as a person. For as often as he struggled with feeling useless, hearing someone he cared for very much tell him that having him in her life was special beyond all compare was enough to send him into overdrive.
Of course, life had a funny way of giving him a cheap shot when he felt he had it all figured out. He had actively worried about Kanji's feelings, and despite Naoto's assurance that they were just friends, Kanji clearly hadn't gotten the memo. However it was that he found out they kissed, Kanji came to the casual basketball game the two had agreed to with fury in his eyes. It all happened so fast that Yosuke got too hot and bothered to explain why Naoto and he had this special relationship, and instead fell back on his most reliable weapon: his sharp tongue. The things he had said to Kanji were deeply hurtful, and he knew they were, but he wasn't going to let Kanji's feelings get in the way of the bond that he and Naoto had developed. It may have been cruel, but Yosuke's insecurities ran too deep to let Kanji win, no matter how dirty he had to play.
The stinging sensation in his eye was a constant, jolting reminder of the consequences of that action, although if he was honest, that was still a distant second as far as painful reminders went. What hurt the most was the same image that had been burned into his mind so bad he was even seeing it in his dreams: Naoto, normally so stoic, tough, and cool, looking vulnerable, weak, and upset, her wet grey eyes burning a hole through him as she warned Yosuke to leave her alone. Just thinking about it made his breath go short and his eyes water.
The worst part was that he didn't even have a good reason to lie! Being honest about what happened with Kanji would have made her upset, sure, but intentionally keeping it from her always had worse potential. The Saki thing made even less sense; if he told Naoto that he was scared she'd think he was weak if he pined for a dead girl, Yosuke had no doubt she'd just tear him a new one for being stupid, and reassure him that she did not think that, as she had done before about him being emotional. She was too smart to fall for such desperate lies, and they bit him in the ass harder than he could have ever imagined. Ultimately, Naoto was right: she had two things she truly asked of him, and he couldn't even stick to one. Why would she ever entertain the notion of being with him?
That wasn't even taking into account what she was there to talk about in the first place. Surely it couldn't have been the photos she found? The possibilities were also driving Yosuke mad, and they largely centered around her thinking that everything that had happened that week was a mistake she wanted out of. The lying had just been the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. The potential threat of Marie frying him didn't scare him now, because she would only be granting him mercy. He couldn't imagine a happy life going forward without Naoto, so what was a few hundred thousand volts going to change?
Surprisingly, Marie had still not moved from her fixed position in the center of the room. This was odd; Marie was loud and abusive on a good day, so this silent treatment was somehow more unsettling than if she had been screaming and yelling at him. Unnerved, Yosuke swung his legs out from under his sheets, revealing his orange and black plaid pajama pants.
"What, cat got your tongue? Not gonna call me a stupid idiot or a jerk or anything?" he asked, doing his best to suppress the sadness swelling in his throat. He blinked and Marie was suddenly next to his bed, seizing his right wrist like a pouncing tiger.
"Wh-wha-hey!" Yosuke moaned, doing his best to pry his hand loose but finding the small girl's grip like iron. While it didn't hurt, he couldn't help but notice that Marie was grimacing and grunting, grasping the top of her black hair as if she was in a severe amount of pain. After about five seconds, Marie finally let go and backed up, taking deep breaths and holding her head with both hands.
"The hell was that!?" Yosuke shouted, wiping his hand and wrist on his white tanktop as if Marie had cooties. "What did you do!?"
Marie staggered forward, clenching her fists. "I knew it! You're going backwards! What kinda stupid moron does that!?"
While she did sound more like her usual self, Yosuke was still utterly confused. "Uh...huh?"
"Grrr," she growled, stepping a little closer, which made Yosuke scoot back in his bed, "Look, when I became whole again I...I could feel things that most humans don't. If people get to be the way they were before, during the fog? I can sense it. I sensed it in you."
She wasn't making any sense, Yosuke thought. "What are you even talkin' a-"
"Listen, you stupid, no-tact, smarmy...ass!" That got Yosuke to back up so far he hit his head on the side wall, "I know when someone isn't themselves! I promised...him," she sighed, her suddenly reddening cheeks giving away exactly who she was talking about, "that I would look out for this town, and especially his friends. And now you're screwing. It. Up!" With each word, she jabbed a finger at the bit of Yosuke's collarbone exposed by his sleepwear, causing him to whine a bit each time. He appreciated that Marie was trying to watch over the group in Yu's stead, but he wasn't sure this was the best way to go about it.
Beyond the uncomfortable poking, he was also disturbed that this unhinged Goddess was possibly looking into his thoughts. "W-wait, you mean you know about…"
"-Sigh- no, nothing specific. But I can feel it, like I said. Like, literally, or whatever. I started noticing at that beach place, and its just gotten worse. You, Red, Big Dummy, and your blue girlfriend...you guys give me a migraine all the time! It's exhausting!"
Wait, Red? Wasn't that what she called Yukiko? And Big Dummy...Kanji? But wait, did she just say…!? "I-I m-mean...Naoto's n-not my…" He stopped when Marie gave him a look that had "Really, dude?" imprinted all over it.
"That's why I grabbed you," Marie explained, softening her look a bit, "Direct contact helps me focus, and I wanted to see if I could help." She didn't say anything for a moment, before looking at Yosuke with a notably more sympathetic stare. "No wonder you wanted to be alone."
Even when he was talking to a Goddess, Yosuke didn't want any pity. "I don't want to be, but it's what I deserve," he huffed, pulling his legs up onto the bed and laying his head down on his knees, "I...I hurt her. She trusted me not to do that, and I...dammit!" All the same angry tears began to flood his eyes again, and he did not want to cry in front of Marie. At least Teddie was gone for now.
"Yeah, seems like you screwed up big time," Marie said casually, which caused Yosuke to glare at her through red and puffy eyes. "...What? Didn't you just say that?"
"...Just leave me alone," Yosuke sighed, realizing Marie was getting to the end of her usefulness and he was feeling an ugly cry coming on.
Marie glared at him for a few seconds before shrugging. "Fine. I haveta interview for this job thingy anyways. I tried," she announced, going back toward the door nonchalantly. Before she left, she turned to face Yosuke again, an uncharacteristically shy smile on her face.
"I hurt a lot of people once, and I thought that I only deserved to be alone forever, too. But someone and his friends came along and told me that even I deserved forgiveness and friendship. I dunno what you did, but I think if you're really ready to make up for it...she'll forgive you."
With that she slipped out the door, walking a bit awkwardly on her fashionable black pumps. Yosuke could hear Teddie frantically attempt to figure out what she had talked with him about, the voices getting progressively quieter until he heard the front door close.
Now left alone, his thoughts began to overwhelm his already fragile state of mind."If you're really ready to make up for it...she'll forgive you."
"How could you!? After you promised…"
"It feels...Like there's a part of me missing...As if you have stolen my heart."
"Please...just leave me alone!"
It was still too much. Yosuke felt himself start to get upset, and he quickly buried his face in a pillow, if only so it would muffle what he could hear of his own sobs. He just wanted to see Naoto again so bad, to hold her close and tell her how sorry he was. But the scary part was figuring out how he could trust himself to be honest with her, because he was so bad at doing it with himself; even now, he was trying to hide the sound of him crying to no one. Why was he such a coward?
The crying continued for a few minutes before Yosuke got up and went over to his desk, where he kept a small box of tissues. He blew his nose a few times and went to throw the tissue away when his eye caught something on his desk. It was the photo set of him and Naoto in Okina, still tucked a bit under his laptop. Sniffling, he slipped it out and took a good long look at it, feeling a warmth overwhelm him
His eyes began to well up again when he thought about how much Naoto's friendship had helped him over the past year, and especially recently. Her stern, no-nonsense demeanor which used to infuriate him actually meant that no matter what problems he was having, she could anchor him and talk through his worst thoughts with total clarity and empathy. He had hoped that perhaps he could be the same for her - much like him, he got the feeling Naoto hid how she felt in order to not be a bother. If only she could know not only how much Yosuke could relate to that feeling, but also that he needed her: her wisdom and her insight, the silly little laugh she had, the way her right eyebrow would lift ever so slightly when she had a question, the earthy, cinnamon scent of her cologne…
As he was getting lost in these pleasant thoughts, his eye wandered to see the similar reel of photos lying a little scrunched on the desktop. Even a year later, the memories of Saki hadn't gone anywhere; all the same sweet thoughts about Naoto also still existed for the deceased 3rd year.
Like usual, an overwhelming sense of melancholy replaced the cheery warmth that had been encircling Yosuke. Feeling his nose getting stuffy with emotion again, he placed the Naoto photos down to look for the millionth time at the Saki reel. Nearly golden curls that cascaded down to her shoulders, a sly, knowing smile, and smokey eyes that were as haunting as the first day he remembered seeing her. These photos had actually been her idea: she was in a particularly good mood after hearing about a test score and wanted to celebrate. Yosuke had almost worked up the nerve to confess his feelings right there in the booth, but had faltered at the last minute. Crazy to think that a little over a month after those were taken, she would be dead.
Yes, Saki Konishi was dead and gone forever. It didn't hurt as much to say it anymore; a whole year of investigating and finding out who was behind her death, as well as unpacking his own feelings about it with Yu had left Yosuke with lots of clarity and little regrets about her time in his life.
And suddenly, there it was.
Saki Konishi was dead. Yosuke had no regrets about her because...there wasn't anything he could do about it. He had said to himself that he was going to live for her, to honor her by not living with regrets. There was no chance of changing what happened with Saki, but what was that whole experience for if he was just going to give up on a chance to move on and find true happiness? The photo reel in his hand represented a future that had been extinguished before it could begin, but the one on the desk represented a future that was fragile, uncertain...but possible.
Could Marie have actually been right? Even if he felt lower than a piece of trash, didn't he deserve a shot at redemption? Maybe this was one mistake too many...or maybe it wasn't. How could he know if he didn't try and find out? He scooped up the other set of photos from his desk, his eyes darting back and forth between the Saki reel and the Naoto reel. In only a few seconds, the choice was clear. With a few tears dribbling down his cheeks, Yosuke set Saki's photo down in an open drawer on the side of the desk and closed it, feeling like a huge rock was taken off his chest as he did.
Looking over at the mirror that stood up in the corner near Teddie's closet door, Yosuke wasn't too keen on what he saw. His eye was hideous, the purple bruises starting to show around the barely-open pupil, and in his tear-stained nightwear he looked like a hot mess. Still, he couldn't help but notice too that he was standing up straight, the tears on his face betraying a serious expression that had replaced his quivering lips. Carefully rubbing his non-black eye, he quickly rushed over to his side of the closet, rummaging for some decent street clothes.
He wasn't entirely sure he had a plan, or even if he had the strength necessary to pull it off, but there was one thing he knew for sure:
Naoto was worth it.
Friday, 8/25/12, Tatsumi Household, Mid Afternoon
Kanji looked himself once over in the mirror again, hoping that he at least looked decent. Instead of the more stuffy look he had gone for during his and Yukiko's date, his outfit was far more casual now: ripped jeans and a yellow tank-top that had a winking black skull on the front. His black hair was slicked with gel again, although this time he teased it into more of a messy pompadour, a few strands dripping in front of his forehead. His glasses lay lazily on the bridge of his nose, begging to have the arm screws tightened after years of being ignored.
His phone buzzed from its spot on the low table in the middle of his room. He tore his attention from himself and looked at his lock screen, a small smile creeping up his lips.
"Good luck tday dood u got this! Call me if u need me 3"
It was from Chie, wishing him well. After their heated confrontation, Chie had sat with Kanji in the unused soccer field for a little while, mostly just trying to calm down. To his surprise, his spunky friend was humble and silent as he poured out some of the mess of feelings that had been boiling over in his brain the whole summer vacation. It felt like the first time since he had gone to the Amagi Inn that he actually got to vent and sort out his thoughts with someone else, even if they weren't very coherent or logical. Chie didn't have much to offer in the form of advice but that was okay - the fact that she started out wanting to beat him up but ended up quietly listening to him rant was more than enough to show that she actually cared about him.
At some point he felt obligated to mention what had gone down with him and Yukiko, in excruciatingly accurate detail. Chie was disappointed, but she had encouraged Kanji to do what he thought was best for him. She only asked him to do one thing:
"Just don't leave it like this, y'know? Whatever you feel, she really liked you. If it got too heated and you can't be friends with her anymore, I get it, just...no one's harder on Yukiko than she is to herself.
That was all he needed to hear. Yosuke could wait - Kanji wasn't going to forgive his little jabs so easily - but Yukiko deserved better. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that even if she had expressed it out of a jealous anger, her feelings were raw and genuine. He got a tingle down his spine remembering how gently she had wrapped her hand around his at the festival, her spindly fingers feeling like silk while she massaged his knuckles and assured him of her infatuation.
He winced a little as he inspected that very same hand now. The swelling had gone down on his ring and pinky finger, but the achiness had yet to go away. Since he was being restrained while doing it, the blow to Yosuke's eye had not gone as intended. Without the explosive power in his hips driving him through with the punch, Kanji ended up using his weaker fingers to land the strike. It hadn't hurt at the time, what with all the adrenaline pumping through him, but his talk with Chie afterwards and the rest of the night had been torture on his hand. Just another price to pay, he figured, along with the mark Chie's roundhouse kick had left on the same cheek Yukiko had slapped.
Despite that, it was very difficult to ignore the feelings that had stirred that night, which had been bubbling up to the surface for the past few weeks. Even if it was already too late, Kanji knew that he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't try to explain those feelings to her, in addition to apologizing for the nasty things he'd said. The plan was for him to get to the Amagi Inn before Yukiko left to do her round of babysitting for Nanako, and hopefully she wouldn't just shut the door in his face. He had texted her after his chat with Chie, but he didn't get a response, not even a read receipt. Kanji felt bad surprising her like this, but if she wasn't answering his messages, he didn't see much of an option. Nevertheless, he fired off another quick text to her, saying that he was coming. At least that way it didn't seem much like an ambush.
He gave himself one final check in the mirror, finding satisfaction as plucked his jewelry out of the little dish he kept them in. Right as he finished up putting in his earrings, he heard the sound of his front doorbell.
"Door, Ma," he called, fiddling with the left hoop. He couldn't hear his mother's shuffling, and sure enough the bell rang again, much to his annoyance.
"'Ey Ma, the door's ringin'!" He said a little bit louder, hoping this time she'd hear him. Still nothing. Groaning, he finally affixed the earring and blew through his door to try and reach the front of the store. He stepped down from the high floor and onto the soft tatami mats, noting the doors were still closed. This usually meant that his mother had stopped to use the restroom or make a phone call.
Muttering to himself, Kanji quickly went and unlocked the doors, hoping that his mother's break wasn't going to cost them some business. He threw open the doors only to see Yosuke standing there, looking just as surprised as Kanji.
"O-oh! H-hey, look man, erm…" Yosuke rubbed his head, losing his train of thought pretty quickly. He was wearing a black v-neck t-shirt and a pair of cargo shorts, looking like he was just having a casual afternoon out, except for the notably big aviator sunglasses he was wearing. They didn't do a very good job; Kanji could still see the bruising under his eye, and it looked like a big one.
The feeling of shock passed quickly, and the same anger at what Yosuke had said and done came rushing back. He somehow resisted the immediate urge to punch him again and settled for quick hostility. "Th' hell are you doin' here?" Kanji snarled, stepping outside of his mom's storefront and into the street. He didn't even need to stand at his full height to have Yosuke already scrambling backwards, looking scared.
"W-wait, please, I just wanna -"
"I don't give a fuck," Kanji hissed, getting right up in Yosuke's face as he was now at the edge of the sidewalk, "Get outta here before I pound that face 'o yers to -"
"I-Iwannatalkabouther!" Yosuke squealed, his voice betraying his attempt to stand up tall and look Kanji in the eye,or so it seemed; the glasses made him unreadable. Kanji had parsed out what he was saying even though he said it incredibly fast.
"You wanna - -tchh- God, you're really jus' tryin' to get yer ass kicked, aren'tcha?!" The last thing Kanji wanted to hear was Yosuke try to defend what was going on with Naoto. He just wanted to try and move past it plus he wasn't in any state to process it healthily. There was just simply too much on his mind.
"Hey, listen, man!" Yosuke suddenly growled, losing his previous skittishness, "I get that you're mad, I get it! But...look, I...I-I dunno what you think, but I swear this just sorta...happened! If you just gimme a chance, I can expl-"
It was taking everything in Kanji's power to not shatter the big stupid glasses Yosuke was wearing with a headbutt. "Oh yeah," he groaned, sarcastic as hell, "Things jus' happen, man, that's all it is. Not like ya get told over and over again that if ya keep makin' the same lame-ass jokes, I'ma cave yer head in. It jus' slipped out, y'know?"
This got to Yosuke, who visibly winced. Kanji continued, unabated. "What, I'm s'posed ta feel bad 'cuz I decked some fuckin' jerk who's always makin' fun 'o me since the day we met? I'm s'posed ta feel sorry for ya now that you got a girl who's way too fuckin' good for ya? Huh!?" He barked, giving Yosuke a solid shove in the shoulder that pushed him back out further toward the street.
While he stepped out and shut the shoji behind him, Yosuke composed himself. "I...I'm sorry, alright!? I-I messed up, I shoulda told ya a long time ago how I...th-that I was feeling that way about Naoto. B-but you have to believe me that I only want -"
In light of Chie's grace and compassion from yesterday, Kanji had little patience for this tactic from Yosuke. "Who gives a shit what you want, man!?" he cried out, earning some stares from some of the people on the street and a desperate shushing gesture from Yosuke. "What about me!?"
This actually gave Yosuke pause, which caused him to sigh and tilt his head down. Kanji didn't want to have this kind of angry energy for when he saw Yukiko, but he couldn't help it. Slowly but surely, the desire, the need that he had felt when hanging out with Yukiko was coming back, and it made him all the more ashamed of the hurtful things he had said. In particular, the image of her beautiful, sad eyes welling up with inky tears had haunted him more than anything; to know that he was the source of those tears was almost too much to bear. Add to that his still sore feelings over Naoto and he was suddenly feeling his chest getting tight all over again.
Yosuke sighed, putting his head down. It could have been that his eyes were hidden, but Kanji could see that Yosuke's face was far from angry or smug, like he had expected. Instead he looked depleted, sad, and weary, much like Kanji felt.
"You're...right." he murmured, almost too quiet to hear. Kanji wasn't sure he actually did hear him; he didn't expect someone as proud as Yosuke to stoop to that level.
"H-huh?"
Yosuke let out another deep sigh before carefully grasping the bridge of his nose. "I said you're right, man. You're right! She's...N-Naoto's a better person than I could ever hope to be, and I'm not good enough. S-she told me herself."
Now Kanji was just confused. What the hell was he talking about? His temper was still on a hair trigger, but he had to ask questions. "W-what is this? What'ra ya doin'?" he said aggressively, his fists still clenched and ready to clobber his "friend" should the need arise.
Yosuke looked around, clearly a bit shaken and uncomfortable. He hastily adjusted his sunglasses before addressing Kanji. "Could-could we not do this, uh, o-out here?"
Kanji scanned the area around them, noticing that there were a few people about giving him a nasty look. The textile shop was in the northern part of the shopping district, and while a majority of the stores were still closed, it was close to the main road, so there was a decent amount of foot traffic. He was already working on borrowed time, and he didn't need someone calling the cops on him and making a scene should anything escalate.
With an annoyed huff, Kanji flicked his head at the fence on the side of the house. With Yosuke close behind he went over to the side gate and unlocked it, traversing through a small alley and into the backyard of his house. He listened carefully to the sound of shoes crunching on the rock path, in case Yosuke tried something, but they moved to the center of the yard without incident.
Like most backyards in the town, Kanji's was nothing special: Aside from a small bush with a stone lantern next to it and a path of square tiles leading to the back door it was plain. Kanji felt he could relax a little and turned to face Yosuke, his face still sharp and eyes intense. Memories of Yosuke finding different ways to jab at his character ran through his brain like a fork poking at his skin, egging him on to stay angry.
"H-hey, this is random, but…what the hell happened to your face? Did Chie do that?" Yosuke asked as he placed his hands in his pockets.
"'I'm askin' the questions," Kanji answered gruffly, "Spill it!" He hissed, staring at the lens of the dark glasses in front of him.
"O-okay, I'll do my best. But p-please, just let me tell the whole thing…"
It was quite a story. Kanji listened stone faced as Yosuke mumbled his way through not only what happened after their little brawl and how Naoto had been waiting for him at his house, immediately discovered what had happened, and went so far as to reject his apologies and ask him to leave her alone, but also the nature of his and Naoto's relationship, and how they ended up kissing the night before. As he talked, Kanji could hear in his voice how deeply this affected him. Yosuke always sounded like he was in control, as if he was a step ahead of you, but now it was like he was suddenly lost and scared that he couldn't find out how to get ahead. He kept the glasses on but it was pretty easy for Kanji to see that he was hurting inside. This clearly wasn't some cruel trick orchestrated by the two of them to personally get Kanji, or at least the way Yosuke told it.
"S-so that's it. I fucked up, and now…" he trailed off, and Kanji heard him sniffle before he spoke up again. "I-I don't have a whole lot..T-to give. Even a-after the murder case, I-I felt, like, nothing I could ever do would stack up, y'know? But Naoto, she...she was the first person since then to make me feel like I was doing something right, that I wasn't letting Sa - everyone down."
Another pause, another sniffle. Kanji felt his fists soften as a single tear fell down Yosuke's cheek, peeking out from under the cover of the darkness of the shades. "Buh-but I did! Yuh-you were my friend, and I juh-just completely threw you under the bus so I could feel better about doing what I did. I shoulda come to you, like a man, and 'cause I didn't, this happened. All 'o this."
Yosuke's face turned red in the cloudy light of the day, reflecting his anguish. Kanji could feel himself getting a little emotional and choked up; the things Yosuke were describing weren't far off from the feelings he himself had felt for Naoto. It was hard to rationalize that Naoto simply just had different feelings when it came to him and Yosuke, especially when, in Kanji's mind, Yosuke hadn't changed all that much. He was somewhat happy that Yosuke was admitting to some of his faults, but there was an elephant in the room going unaddressed.
"Why's it always gotta be about the gay thing?" he asked pointedly, his nostrils flaring as he struggled to keep the emotion out of his voice. Yosuke tried to say "it's not" but Kanji cut him off. "No, it is, all the fuckin' time! What, it's not enough that ya don't got the balls to talk to me 'bout Naoto, you also gotta be a huge piece-'o-shit bigot, too!? So what if maybe I ain't just into girls, who the fuck are you to judge me for it!?"
Yosuke's casual bigotry regarding even the potential of any sort of queer actions on Kanji's part had never gone unnoticed. For Kanji, what hurt so much was the realization he had come to that, no matter how much he tried to deny it, there was an undeniable attraction he had to men that had bloomed alongside his growing appreciation for girls. It wasn't 1:1 and he wasn't even sure if he had a preference or not, but for all intents and purposes he was attracted to men. Which made Yosuke's jokes all the more hurtful.
It was a strange thing he had never talked about with anyone, not even Yu, and ever since his little situation with Yukiko started flaring up so too did his old insecurities. Part of the reason he had balked at Yukiko's feelings was the fear that the more she got to know him the faster she would eventually be weirded out by his proclivities, whether it be the sewing or his penchant for cute things or, most damning, his attraction to men. Hearing it constantly distilled down to a negative trait to be ashamed of did little to alleviate his fears.
There was silence between the two boys as Yosuke gently removed his glasses, revealing his gruesome injury. Kanji winced and could feel and almost hear his injured knuckles pulsate even harder. A deeply ugly grape-colored bruise covered most of Yosuke's right eye socket and cheek; Kanji wasn't a stranger to a black eye, but Yosuke's looked like it hurt to blink. A small bandage hid a cut on his eyebrow, both injuries combing to give him the appearance of a prize fighter with the disposition of a scared puppy. His good eye was wet and runny, the reflection of a teardrop glistening on his cheek before he hastily wiped it off. Kanji was never one to handle crying very well; his soft heart was always prone to be more forgiving if someone was legitimately upset.
"Luh-look man, I…" Yosuke wiped his nose in the crook of his arm, trying to find the words, "I-I dunno huh-how to deal with...W-when I suh-see you just...Doin' what you want, bein' you? I want that too. Buh-but I'm afraid, because I'm not...I need people to rely on me, and if they don't, then I'm useless. A-and I can't deal with thu-that! So muh-making fun of people like you or saying dumb shit to girls...I think that's th-the only way I can make myself feel better...By steppin' all over someone else... "
He stopped to swipe away some more tears with his thumb, failing to make eye contact with Kanji. "Tuh-to be honest...I d-don't hate gay p-people, it's just d-different from what I always thought guys were 'sposed to be...I-I like you a lot, dude! But like I said, I-I knew it hurt you, so...W-when you told me to stay away from one of the only people who make me not feel like trash, I-I wanted to hit back as hard as I could..." Yosuke finally looked up, his bad eye blinking rapidly as his emotions continued to leak out. "N-Naoto's called me out on this shit before, too, a-and I want to be better. The only way I could ever even begin to make it up to her is if I truh-tried to fix all the stupid shit I've done, so…I-I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for like...Everything I've said. "
Kanji also had to quickly use his forearm to catch some snot that was starting to drip out his nose. He could appreciate the honesty of what Yosuke was saying, and of course the apology was nice, but it still really hurt to hear that Yosuke knowingly teased him about his sexuality in order to make him feel small. Much like when he'd had his heart-to-heart with Naoto, he wondered if life was full of these situations where the answers you wanted aren't great, and dealing with the crappiness of it was what made all the difference in the end.
It was also hard to shake the conspiratorial thought that this was all a long con; Yosuke doing anything and everything to get back what he wanted wasn't exactly out of character. At the same time, this didn't feel like the usual Yosuke shiftlessness, especially considering that he was basically a blubbering mess. Who would possibly go through all this trouble, have their face practically smashed and bear their soul to somebody, if they didn't care?
Kanji could only think of one final way to test his sincerity. "Do ya love 'er?"
There was a gasp from the 3rd year as he processed what Kanji said. "Wh-wha…!?"
"You heard me," he replied, stepping a bit closer to Yosuke as he bit his bottom lip to keep it from quivering, "Do. You. Love. Her?"
For Kanji, it was only fair to ask. With hindsight, he could see now that love, or at least what it seemed to be, was truly what he had felt for Naoto and what was making it so hard to move on. It took a lot of guts for Yosuke to do what he was doing, but only through his answer to this could Kanji see what kind of person his friend, whom he loved very dearly, had fallen for. Although it potentially could hurt just as much as it had when Naoto rejected him on the school roof, he needed to know that Yosuke was going to do right by her.
And by letting her go to someone he could trust, perhaps he could finally be truly honest with Yukiko.
Another deep sigh escaped Yosuke, but when he looked up again at Kanji, his face somehow puffier than ever, there was a clarity and sincerity in his expression that was impossible to ignore. "I-I dunno, man…Th-that's kinda heavy, but...She's really special to me. She's all I ever think about, and even d-dream about. Like I said, I d-dunno if it's love, but if it isn't…it's pretty freakin' close. Hopefully she'll at least hear me out…"
Kanji felt a few tears slide down his face as he listened to Yosuke's response. It may have just been lip service for all he knew, but it was damn good lip service. Hearing words that could have easily come out of his mouth just a month ago was enough to convince him that, for once, Yosuke was being genuine.
"'K-kay," he muttered, sniffling as he put his hands on his hips, "I…I believe ya. It ain't cool, that shit you said, but...Thanks, fer – fer sayin' somethin'. Jus' know that if you ever do it again, or hurt Naoto again…" Kanji raised his fist, showing Yosuke the battered knuckles, "There'll be a lot more where this came from, ya understand!?"
Yosuke gulped, but nodded quickly. There was a quiet moment as both teenagers struggled to fill the air, before Yosuke moved in and threw his arms awkwardly around Kanji's torso, who flinched in surprise. He seemed to have given up on a full-on hug and settled for putting one arm around Kanji's back and sort of clapping him on the opposite shoulder and holding firm.
Kanji, deeply confused, just reached around with his right arm and patted Yosuke's back rather forcefully. "O…'kay?"
Yosuke quickly let go and backed away, sniffling and rubbing his nose with his index finger. "S-sorry man, I just…I th-think you're a cool dude and all and I'm just glad that we can still be…"
For Yosuke, who had spent almost the entire time he'd known Kanji deriding him for anything that seemed to have a remote homosexual connotation, hugging another guy just seemed out of the question. Kanji couldn't help but chuckle a little at how full of it Yosuke had been, but also how quickly that could get torn down when he decided to stop being a jerk for once. Yosuke noticed his laugh and offered a little snicker of his own, smiling through his tears.
"Ya don't gotta be corny about it," Kanji snorted, "But…Yeah, I'm glad too. S-sorry 'bout yer, uh, face 'n all…"
Another huffed out laugh from Yosuke as he carefully felt around his bruised eye. "Well, least you didn't beat me with a folding chair. 'Sides, I think…Yeah, I'll say I had this one comin', heheh…"
This time the silence was a lot more comfortable as the boys both let out a big sigh of relief. He was worried about Naoto, but Yosuke's guts and determination in making his apology gave Kanji some confidence that those two were going to be okay. More still, knowing that Naoto had well and truly moved on made the prospect of him doing the same seem possible.
Uh oh!
Kanji fished in his pocket for his phone, swearing as he saw the time. He had been talking with Yosuke long enough that it was past time for Yukiko to be babysitting Nanako. Damn! He didn't want to make things awkward by interrupting their day, but he also realized that he really couldn't wait any longer. While he thought of what to do, Yosuke must have noticed his anguished expression.
"Somethin' wrong?"
"Eh, yeah," Kanji said, "I was s'posed to try and meet up with Yukiko-senpai before she had to babysit. Now I gotta…" he trailed off, realizing that he actually hadn't talked to anyone about Yukiko other than Chie. Sure enough, Yosuke looked rather puzzled.
"Yukiko? What for?" Kanji looked up, regret traced along his face. How could he possibly explain everything that had happened? As he searched for the words, Yosuke's good eye lit up a little.
Kanji rolled his eyes, hearing a bit of the old Yosuke in his voice. "Look man, I don't have time ta explain it, okay!? I just…I gotta go now. I got my own…Girl problems, or whatever…"
"W-wait, are you gonna meet up with her…Like, were you guys hangin' out?" The way he said it clued Kanji in that he really meant something else. Shyly, and with his teary face burning red, he gave a barely seeable nod before looking back to his phone.
He felt like he could hear Yosuke's jaw hit the gravel. "N-no way…You-you gotta be kiddin' me! Marie-chan meant...You two!? H-how did that…When did you… but she's…"
He turned to leave, not really wanting to deal with the obnoxious questions, before Yosuke quickly moved in front of him. "Hey, hey, wait a sec!" Instead of asking something, however, Yosuke just extended his fist. "Good luck, man! Go get 'er!"
It wasn't much, but Kanji could feel himself getting emotional again as he returned the fist bump. "Th-thanks. I-I dunno what'll happen, but…"
"I hear ya," Yosuke said quietly, taking his own cell phone out of his back pocket.
"Wh-what about you? What are you gonna do?" Kanji asked, wondering what was next if Naoto and he weren't really on speaking terms. Maybe he could get some ideas for his own issue.
"W-well, it's nothin' fancy. I was just gonna text her or call her and tell her to meet me at this one spot in town that she likes. I'd go over to her place but…"
Wasn't much better than his own plan. "Huh, okay. Well, whatever it is, I hope you guys 'r okay. Lemme, uh, lemme know how it goes, 'kay?"
"Sure thing. Same to you, too! I gotta hear this story."
Kanji nodded and chuckled again as he led the way out of the backyard and back onto the main road, Yosuke typing away on his phone the whole time. Once outside, they both looked in opposite directions.
"'Kay, I'm gonna head out to Dojima's place. I'll, uh, I'll see you later, dude." Kanji grunted, not sure how to end the conversation on a very strong note.
"Seeya. S-sorry again, and I, er, I promise that…I-I promise that I'll never hurt her again. I-if it takes forever, I'm gonna make it right, I swear." Kanji again had to marvel at just how humbled Yosuke sounded. Desperate, sure, but genuine in his feelings.
"I'll hold ya to it."
With that, the two teens went their separate ways. The sidewalk and everyone he passed all became a blur to Kanji as he struggled to regain his focus on what he was going out there for. His emotions were all over the place, and he wondered if part of his body had yet to fully process all that Yosuke had revealed to him. Even still he soldiered on and did his best to keep his thoughts centered on what mattered: Yukiko. The flowery, sickly sweet smell of her perfume. The way she'd clutch her stomach as she trembled with laughter. The bitter tears in her eyes as he cut her down to size with the most hurtful things he could say. What could he possibly say to fix it? Could he fix it? How was he supposed to forget the memories of being caught up in her embrace, or a fun night spend at the summer festival?
As far as battles went, his shadow was starting to look like a distant second. Still, with fresh tears threatening his eyes again, he fired off one more text, hoping that this one would at least get read unlike the others. He put the phone away after its delivery, not wanting to put himself with the torture of waiting for the read receipt.
Comin 2 dojimas. Need 2 say srry.