*inhales*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

Guys...words cannot describe how sorry I am for being gone for so long. I've missed writing so much, but dealing with not only my first semester at college but also worsening anxiety has been rough :( Now, however, I'm on winter break, and I'm going to do my best to keep writing both this and Becoming a Guardian! I have no idea how many of you are even still with me at this point, but...if you are reading this, thank you so much for your patience. No matter what, I'm not giving up on this story. I'm gonna see it through until the end, and I hope you decide to join me. :)

With that being said, thank you to the lone reviewer of the last chapter, Demi clayton! Thanks for your input, and I don't think you'll be disappointed by what's about to happen. :)

Anyway, now, finally...on with the chapter!

Chapter 21: Fresh Air

Snowfall (and other poetic works) by Gray Poette

.

Snowfall

When the reddened leaves descend

Upon the harsh, frostbitten ground

And a hush falls over the forest

Drowning even nature's slightest sound

.

I'll gaze upwards at the expanse of blue

Above my pained body and haunted mind

And the first crystal flake to touch my face

Is the first glimpse of the clarity for which I've pined

.

So long I've wasted away in the darkness

And I can tell no longer which voices are real

I'm told by strangers that I'm perfectly fine

But they could never understand the anguish I feel

.

I have struggled through an autumn of dying

But I will not yet submit to Death's tempting call

I swear to claw my way back to reality and truth

Guided by the brightness of the first snowfall

()()()()

It took quite a long time for Jack to finish crying, and it was only after Simon and Lily both moved closer to comfort him, Simon placing his hand on one of Jack's shoulders as though to steady him, and Lily clasping one of his hands as though she somehow knew that he needed something to hold onto in order to keep him anchored in reality. For the first time since they had appeared, the dead Guardians retreated, still lurking in the shadows at the edges of the room, but no longer trying to grab at him and stain him with their blood.

They were fake now...this much he knew. If he was out, after all, the dead couldn't have followed him. In fact, perhaps their movement had always been fake, and they were really only lifeless corpses the whole time. Yes...that seemed reasonable. He was sure that, at this point, the Guardians had already been buried somewhere.

Though the thought still brought a lump to his aching throat and tears to his weary eyes, he supposed he could at least be at peace with the thought that no animated corpses were actually plaguing him. Maybe, with time, the hallucinations would fade completely.

Even if their departure would mean nothing compared to the real Guardians ever coming back...but of course, that was an impossible dream.

For now, though, Jack pushed those thoughts from his troubled mind, instead focusing on the fact that, despite the Guardians' absence, Simon and Lily were, without a doubt, here beside him. Somehow, they had gotten him out of that cell. Somehow, they had saved him.

...and he couldn't even open his mouth and thank them...pathetic. Just pathetic. He hated himself for his own weakness. He hated the half-frozen tears staining his cheeks. He hated the fear that coursed through him every time he tried to speak.

He hated just how broken he was.

"Jack…?" Lily's soft voice drew him out of his thoughts, and as he looked up at her, she continued quietly, "Are you alright…?"

It was a bit of a foolish question, and they all knew it. How could he possibly be alright after all that he'd been through? After he'd been tortured, beaten, mocked...and forced to watch the only family he had be torn to little more than bloodied shreds of flesh, feathers, and fur.

His breath almost caught in his throat. Family. His family.

...because that's what the Guardians had become, wasn't it?

No more than half a year ago, he would have scoffed at the notion...and yet, in less time than he had ever expected, it had somehow become reality. The Guardians...no, his fellow Guardians, for he was one of them...they had become his family.

And Moon above, he missed them.

As such, in response to Lily's question, the boy wordlessly shook his head. Neither Simon nor Lily seemed surprised.

"Is there anything we can do for you…?" the one-armed archer asked, frowning worriedly.

Jack merely shook his head again. He took the quill they had previously provided and dipped it in the ink again, then, with a slow, shaking hand, scratched a few words on the parchment, trying his best to keep the letters visible despite his unsteadiness.

Guardians...gone...Ebon...killed...made me...watch…

It took every scrap of self control he had somehow managed to retain to stop himself from breaking down crying again.

His caretakers merely blinked and looked at each other in slight confusion.

"Jack…" Simon began slowly. "I...I'm not sure what you saw or heard to make you think this, but...the Guardians have not been killed by Ebon. They are all very much alive...they were even the ones who took you out of that torture chamber…"

Jack's eyebrows creased in confusion. But...that was impossible. He had watched the Guardians perish...he had felt their corpses gather around him, had been covered in their blood...in fact, upon looking down, he could see that some of their blood still stained him. Or...was that his own…? Or was that even there at all…?

He had already established that Simon was real, right? He had to be. Then why would he tell him these lies? Was he just trying to make the boy feel better? Or was he even saying these things at all? Could Jack just be hallucinating this conversation? If he couldn't trust his eyes, how could he trust his ears?

Well...either way, the young sprite figured that he might as well take a chance and continue the conversation, whether it was real or not. After all, if it was real, then the Guardians might not really be…

...no. He shouldn't get his hopes up.

Instead, he forced himself to stay calm (at least, relatively speaking) and dipped the quill's tip into the ink once again.

He cautiously wrote, But...showed me...Clairvoyance Charm…

Lily frowned. "A Clairvoyance Charm…?" she mumbled to herself, deep in thought. Then, her eyes widened. "Wait a second…" she said, looking down at the younger snow sprite. "Jack...I think what he showed you was a false vision."

Jack tilted his head to the side slightly, confused.

"There's a fake version of the Clairvoyance Charm that sounds almost identical to the real one," Lily explained. "Instead of using the incantation, 'Clairvoyus,' you pronounce it like, 'Clairvoyas.' It's such a subtle difference that I'm not surprised you didn't notice...but that has to have been what Ebon showed you. I promise you, Jack...the Guardians are all alive and well…"

Jack stared at her for a long moment, wanting to believe her words so badly, even if his troubled mind didn't intend to let him. He raised his shaking hand again, but only managed to write, But… before he let the quill fall as he fixed his eyes on the far side of the room, where the deceased Guardians currently gathered, staring back at him with their dead, hollow eyes.

Simon followed his gaze, a frown on his face. "Er...what are you looking at, Jack…?" he asked slowly.

Almost in a daze, Jack silently wrote, Guardians, and nothing more.

The archer stared at him for a moment, then cleared his throat awkwardly. "Um...there's...nothing there, though…"

Jack barely heard him, his concentration still locked onto the corpses on the floor. He knew that they weren't real, at least, not as they appeared to him now, but...could it really be true that the Guardians were all alive and well? Could he even dare to hope that such a thing was true?

His companions shared a worried glance when he had gone a full minute without responding. "Jack…" Lily said softly, sounding as though she was actively trying to keep her voice level, though a twinge of fear still managed to find its way into her tone. "What...what do you see…?"

Simon glanced sideways at her, a quizzical look on his face. "What do you…?" He started to ask, though the sprite quietly hushed him, and the two both turned their attention to Jack.

He knew that he could try to write exactly what he saw. But how could he even begin to describe the horror of what he was witnessing, especially if he didn't want to trouble Simon and Lily too much? And that was to say nothing of upsetting himself, which was all too easy in his current state...he knew that there was no way he could describe the rotting corpses, their vacant eyes, their torn, bloodied flesh, the way they stared at him as though blaming him for their demise...he just couldn't do it.

And so instead, the boy merely raised a trembling hand to point at a word he had written previously: Guardians.

Simon only seemed confused, but Lily slowly lowered her head in solemn silence.

"What...is that supposed to mean?" the archer asked quietly, glancing back and forth between the two snow sprites. "Why would he be seeing…?"

"He's hallucinating, Simon," Lily interrupted softly. "Likely...likely as a result of all the trauma...he's seeing things that aren't there...and given the nature of all of this, said things are probably...quite...quite disturbing…"

Simon's face went a shade paler than before. "...oh," was all he could say in response. "I...oh…"

It wasn't long before Jack became unable to bear continuing to look at their devastated expressions, so he closed his eyes once more, hating the way tears threatened to make their way out from beneath his eyelids. All of his recent suffering aside, there was nothing that pained him more than worrying those who cared about him. After spending so much time on the run, time in which everyone he encountered either never gave him a second thought or wanted to kill him on sight, he had grown to greatly value being on a person's good side. The last thing he wanted to do now was make himself too much of a burden for said person to handle.

Unfortunately, however, it seemed that it was unavoidable at this point.

Lily lightly squeezed Jack's hands, gently pulling him back into reality. "Jack, listen to me," she said softly. "No matter what you're seeing...no matter what Ebon showed you...I promise with all my heart, each and every one of the Guardians is alive and well. They're not here right now because they went to go try to find out if Ebon left any evidence of what his plans might be behind, but they'll be back soon, I swear it...they're okay, Jack...Ebon didn't get to them…"

Moon above, he wanted to believe her. He wanted to believe her so badly that just thinking about it caused a physical pain to blossom in his chest. He had already decided that Lily was real, right? So she wouldn't lie to him like that...right?

Though the dark recesses of his shattered mind still whispered that there was no way that the older sprite could be telling the truth, the boy's aching heart wanted nothing more than to trust her. As such, rather than continue to argue, he simply nodded, trying his best to keep his gaze away from the broken corpses watching him from the far wall.

Almost certainly noticing his reluctance, Lily continued speaking, keeping her tone gentle, as though she was speaking with a scared child. "I'll tell you what...the Guardians should be returning in a couple of hours. Then, they can show you that they're still alive, and you can show them that you're awake and aware...okay…?"

Because he doubted he had much of a choice in the matter in the first place, Jack merely nodded once more.

()()()()

By the time the living Guardians returned, Jack's anxiety had already skyrocketed to extreme levels. For whatever reason, even though he could potentially be about to reunite with the people he now considered family, he was now nothing short of terrified. Perhaps he was still unconvinced that Lily and Simon were being truthful? Or…

...perhaps the last thing he wanted was for the real Guardians to see him like this.

He was ashamed of his current state...while he had once stood tall, always ready with a sarcastic quip, and confident in his ability to defend himself, he was now bedridden, body broken and aching from the torment he had endured, and entirely at the mercy of the visions brought forth by his own traitorous mind.

In truth, Jack figured death would have been preferable.

But there was no way he could succumb...not yet, anyway. From what Lily had said before, it seemed that the Guardians did not entirely know what exactly Ebon intended to do. If they truly were alive...they needed to know about the plans for a snow sprite revolution paired with the revival of the Nightmare King, and he was the only one that currently possessed that knowledge. Once he had passed on that message...perhaps then he could rest.

Whether that rest was to be eternal or not still remained to be seen.

Either way, despite his insecurities, the door still opened a couple of hours later, just as Lily had promised. And of course, the living Guardians were the ones to walk through it.

At first, all four of them looked quite grim, eyes somewhat shadowed as though they had just learned something awful. However, when they noticed that Jack's own azure eyes were wide open and staring right at them, their grave expressions morphed into ones of shock, returning his stare.

"Jack…" Tooth, the first one to find her voice, whispered softly. "You're...awake…" Though she and the others had technically seen him awake previously, they all no doubt noticed that his eyes were much clearer than they had been at that time.

Jack silently nodded.

North cleared his throat awkwardly. "And...how do you feel…?"

The boy hesitated, then looked away without responding. He figured his appearance and behavior spoke for itself...not that he could have spoken anyway.

The man frowned, then sighed and nodded. "I...see."

As Jack lay there silently, Lily stood up and made her way over to the (real?) Guardians, and once she had reached them, she began speaking softly, likely explaining what their youngest was currently going through. He frowned. So if she was interacting with them, they had to be real, right…? Or was he only imagining Lily getting up in the first place? It was certainly frustrating, not knowing whether or not he could trust his own senses…

Either way, the living Guardians now seemed horrified at whatever the young woman had told them, and they turned to stare at him once again, sympathy on all four of their faces. Embarrassed, Jack closed his eyes and turned his head to the side, reluctant to look any of them in the eye.

"Moon above, Jack…" Tooth whispered softly, her voice thick with sadness. "I...I'm so sorry...if we had only found you sooner, then...th-then you wouldn't…" Her voice broke off in a quiet sob, causing Jack to flinch in shame.

He wanted to look up at her and tell her that it was okay. That he didn't blame them for what had happened to them, and that it was all his own fault for letting his guard down in the first place. He wanted to reassure them that they had done nothing wrong.

But he just...couldn't. The young sprite's mind refused to let him open his mouth and speak, constantly insisting that he could be attacked at any moment, even though logically, he knew that he was safe. It frustrated him to no end, but he was helpless against the weight of his own fear and trauma.

"...open yer eyes, mate." Aster suddenly spoke, his voice firm and steady. Jack was so taken aback by his stern tone that he actually complied immediately, blinking and looking in the Pooka's direction in surprise as he began to approach his bedside.

North frowned. "Aster? What are you do-?" Sandy, however, tugged on the man's sleeve and, once he had the taller Guardian's attention, shook his head, as though saying something along the lines of, "Let him speak."

Aster studied the boy for a long moment, emerald eyes narrowed into slits. Before Jack could once again look away in discomfort, however, the rabbit spoke again. "Can ya walk?"

Jack blinked once again, and, unsure of how else to respond, slowly shook his head. It wasn't a lie; his limbs were so sore and his body so weak that he doubted he could have supported even his own meager weight for more than a few moments.

"Mhm...guess I'll have ta carry ya, then," Aster said simply. Then, with not a single word more, he reached down and picked the boy up surprisingly gently, holding him bridal-style as he began to exit the room. "We'll be back in a bit. Just wait here for us." And with that, he walked straight out the door, the rest of the room's occupants too stunned to attempt to stop him.

Jack, for his part, was shocked to the point of barely even registering the pain brought to his sore body from the movement of being lifted into the air. He merely stared up at Aster with wide sapphire eyes, wondering not only where they were going, but if this was even real.

The boy blinked and looked down at Aster's arms. After a moment of consideration, he slowly shifted his own hand so that he was touching one of them, his eyes widening as he felt the Pooka's soft fur beneath his fingertips. Just as he had with the quill and parchment...he could feel its texture so clearly and perfectly that it just couldn't be fake.

His eyes welled up with tears once again.

They had to be real. The Guardians had to be real.

They...they weren't dead. They never had been.

Aster did not comment on the youngest Guardian's admittedly strange action of touching his arm for no discernible reason, but when he heard the boy's sniffles, he grunted softly, "Ah, come on, Frostbite...no reason ta cry, ya hear? Everythin's gonna be just fine, believe ya me."

Though hearing his nickname again after so long was almost enough to make him burst into tears once again, Jack instead forced himself to comply with the Pooka's request, swallowing the lump in his throat and taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. Aster was right...there was no reason to cry if the Guardians were all okay. If the four of them were alive and well, then...well, there was no more reason to worry about them.

Although he supposed he still had to worry about his own deteriorated mind.

Aster carried Jack through the eerily empty main area of New Iskald, not stopping once to give the boy a chance to properly look around. Instead, the Motorean Guardian took him straight to a tunnel at the far end of the city, which, due to its immediately apparent upward incline, Jack assumed was the exit back out into the desert.

Sure enough, once they had only been moving through the dimly-lit tunnel for about a minute, Jack began to feel a cool, gentle breeze ruffle his hair. His eyes widened and he looked up at Aster quizzically, head tilted slightly to the side.

Aster gave a slight smirk. "Snow sprites get their strength from nature, yeah?" he said, his voice unusually gentle. Jack slowly nodded and Aster gave a slight knowing chuckle in response. "Though so. Pookas are similar, ya know. 'Course, we prefer warmth ta cold, but still, same principle. Figured ya might need a bit of a pick-me-up after all the hell ya've just been through."

With that, the tunnel came to an end, and the pair emerged into the chilly night air of the Motorean desert. Jack audibly gasped once the cold, fresh air entered his lungs, almost instantly sending a surge of energy coursing through his body. Aster was entirely correct; snow sprites were a race that was extremely close to nature, in that they thrived on winter weather, or coldness of any kind, at that. Part of their magical power entailed that low temperatures were able to greatly revitalize them, even when injured. Beneath the earth was truly no place for a snow sprite; they belonged on the surface, where their strength could be maximized by the air frigidity.

Aster set the boy down on the ground, where, thanks to his partial revival, he was able to sit up on his own. His wounds still throbbed with pain, but he no longer felt heavy and sluggish as he had before, barely able to lift his own head off of the pillow.

"There's more, Frostbite," Aster said suddenly, reaching behind him to remove something that Jack only just realized was strapped to his back. "I believe this belongs ta ya." He held out the object so that it was within Jack's reach.

The sprite's breath nearly caught in his throat.

It was his staff.

He had been so focused on his own pain and hallucinations that he had not even acknowledged the fact that he had had no idea where his conduit-no, this part of him-had been. The boy now figured that Ebon must have hidden the thing somewhere, but it seemed that somehow, the Guardians had found it. He had to admit, he was relieved that it hadn;t ended up broken.

Jack slowly lifted his hand, reaching out and carefully running his fingertips over the familiar wooden surface. As always, a thin layer of frost trailed across the staff, following his hand closely. The boy silently looked up at the Pooka, hesitating to take the weapon from him for reasons even he himself was not sure of.

Aster chuckled slightly. "Go ahead, mate," he urged gently. "Take it."

The snow sprite lowered his gaze back down to the staff, then shut his eyes and take a deep breath. Then, without even bothering to open his eyes again, he closed his hand around his conduit.

There was a sudden gust of wind, and in seconds, he was airborne.

He gasped once again as he hurtled into the air, new power coursing through him as frost surged across the surface of his staff and a new light appeared in his electric blue eyes. It had been so long since he had taken to their air, so long since he had even been outside, so long since he had felt quite as alive as he did in this moment.

For a few seconds, as he shot upwards into the night sky, the wind rushing through his tousled silvery hair, he forgot about his pain, his trauma, his anguish. For a few seconds, he was alone with the wind, the stars, and the full moon hanging over his head. For a few seconds, he no longer hurt.

Suddenly, the surging wind became a gentle breeze, and Jack abruptly ceased to accelerate, instead hovering in place and staring, wide-eyed, at the silver surface of the moon. The boy hung in the air for a long moment, gasping for breath with his azure gaze locked onto the celestial body that, despite its distance, almost looked close enough to reach out and touch.

Then, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to fall.

His plummet towards the ground was no slower than his initial ascent, as the wind seemed to push him downward at a breakneck speed. Despite this, however, Jack was not afraid. When he was younger, his mother had often joked that he seemed to be more at home in the air than on the ground.

She had always been right.

Though to an outside observer, it may have looked as though Jack was to crash head-first into the ground in mere moments, the boy knew that he possessed far more control of his descent than that. At the last possible second, he twisted his lithe form around like a cat, and when he did hit the ground, he plowed into the soft sand feet-first, hardly bothered by the jolt of pain that coursed through his wounds. It would still take some time for them to heal completely, but there was no way in hell that he was going to let them keep him confined to bed.

Jack straightened up as the veritable fountain of sand that had exploded upwards upon his impact settled back down on the ground, acutely aware of Aster's viridian gaze on his back. He didn't bother to turn around to try to speak to him, though; he knew that he was not quite ready to find his voice once again yet. Just as with his body, his mind needed more time to heal.

But still...he had to admit that this was the most normal he had felt in a long while. Voices no longer whispered in his ears, and even with his eyelids shut, he could sense that the dead Guardians were nowhere in sight. He knew that, once he was able to sleep again, he would likely still suffer from nightmares without the aid of dreamsand. He knew that nothing that had happened to him in the Fearling's torture chamber was going to leave him without a fight. But this feeling, these few moments of clarity...they gave him hope. Hope that he could overcome his trauma. Hope that he could persevere and find his voice again. Hope that maybe, just maybe, he could be alright one day.

How fitting that E. Aster Bunnymund, Guardian of Hope, should be the one to grant it to him.

Jack took a deep breath, reveling in the fresh air and the clear-minded feeling it bestowed upon him. He opened his glowing cerulean eyes and gazed across the desert's horizon, staring into the dark.

Sorry to disappoint you, Ebon, he thought. But you can't break me.

Since our boy's thinking clearly...we can start seeing his thoughts again. :) I hope you guys enjoyed (I know I'm happy to be back!) and don't forget to leave a review and tell me what you think, it really does help a lot. :) I'll see you all in the next chapter!

For now, Sapphire316, out.