A/N: After re-reading the entire story, I noticed quite a few discrepancies in the details, specifically as far as time goes. I am re-writing some of the chapters to make it seem more realistic, less rushed. Hope you all enjoy the next chapter! :)

Chapter 21

"So...what have we decided?" Janet clasped her hands together, a smile of encouragement gracing her face.

Sam took a moment, and a deep breath, and exhaled deeply. "Well, I...I think I'm having a baby." It almost sounded like a question, the confidence of her answer not fully in place. She knew Jack would be there for her, and part of her realized that on some level, he saw this as a way to get things right the second time around, she was a scientist after all. Logically, she could not discount the challenge that this would present both in her recovery and how life would look going forward.

"Wonderful! Then I will print out a copy of your sonogram for you to take. Also, we can go ahead and schedule you with a regular OBGYN. Still at the academy hospital of course." Janet's worth spilled freely, the excitement was evident. It wasn't a small secret how much Janet loved babies, never having one of her own, with Cassie being older when they first met, she was fully prepared to smother Sam's child with all of her affection that would be only fitting.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were more excited about this then Sam is Doc!" O'Neill joked with her. He also felt a sudden jolt of joy, hearing Sam confirm what they had only moments ago discussed. He would have a chance to be a father again. Not in the conventional way, but in every and possibly the only way that mattered.

"It's possible!" Janet admitted. She helped Sam get cleaned up before leaving to finish setting up the next steps.

Hopping off the table, Sam's facial expression was an odd mixture of excitement and trepidation. Sam reasoned that she would probably feel that way for the duration of the pregnancy. Sam tried to cram the feelings of unease into a proverbial box deep in her mind. She vowed to try and only think positive thoughts and affirmations from this point on.

"So what's next? Want to go grab some lunch with the guys?" O'Neill asked, he had to admit he missed the old camaraderie of eating in the commissary as a team with everyone. He had dreamed many nights of the team's reunion, on base, at each other's homes, O'Malley's. Just as long as they were all together, it was all the same. The memories of past nights were starting to fade against his wishes and he hated to admit that he was starting to doubt this as possible. Not only were things going to change drastically once the baby was here, but O'Neill knew the importance of normalcy after coming back from such a traumatic event. And the commissary would be just what the doctor ordered.

"I think I owe General Hammond a discussion about that. It's been almost three years, I'm sure technically I am still missing in action according to Washington."

"Oh with that brain of yours Carter, they will always take you back. But I was actually talking about eating. I'm sure Hammond is expecting you to take some time to settle back in. I mean you didn't exactly just go on a long stroll."

"Definitely would not call it a stroll. Seeing Teal'c and Daniel sounds much more enjoyable than re-hashing the months of torture that Kuk..." Sam's cheeks turned red, and she felt her breathing start to quicken. In an instant, the cruel three-letter name brought her back to the cold, damp cellar on PX5897. Her left hand involuntarily wrapped around her wrist, checking for restraints that she had not long ago been freed of. She couldn't help the feelings of shame that admitting her concerns brought.

She had fought on the frontline team for almost a decade. She was a proven warrior by all standards. But Kuk had accomplished his goal, he took a part of her that she didn't feel would ever come back. She hated the fact that just a simple thought could so quickly transport her back to that planet.

O'Neill discreetly grabbed her hand and rubbed it, trying to lend her as much support as possible. He knew what she was thinking and the basis of her embarrassment. He would never think less of her, she had earned his trust a thousand times over. But he also understood the instinct to keep one's foot firmly planted on safe land. His imprisonment in Iraq, which was the only yardstick he had to measure her experience against, had paled in comparison. He had been but a fraction of time in that dank, dark cell. In the four months that he was there, he had undergone the most unbelievable forms of torture. He even felt as though he was reaching the point of forgetting who he was, forgetting his own name.

So while he could empathize with Sam's position, he knew that even then it wasn't enough to fully appreciate what Kuk had put her through. It was remarkable and a highlight of her character and capabilities that she stood here today in front of him.

Sam cleared her throat, forcing away the lump of emotion that was bound to overtake her, took a step back.

"Let's go see what Daniel and Teal'c are up to. I do need to try and feed this baby I guess."

"Good, cause the guys have been annoying the crap about seeing you." O'Neill pretended to complain. They both turned to find the rest of the team. It didn't take long, as they both were together in Daniel's office, having what appeared to be a casual conversation.

"Hey guys, what's going on in here?"

"Oh hey Jack, hey Sam! Nothing much, just wanted to get Teal'c's opinion on some tricky hieroglyphs that SG-11 brought back the other day. It seems almost like two different languages sewn together."

"Ah, you found Spanglish." O'Neill lifted a finger for emphasis.

"I believe it is actually some unique hieroglyphs which DanielJackson is referring to."

"Uh, Spanglish is the combining of Spanish and English language. Usually spoken by someone who is bilingual. Which is Jack's crude explanation for this phenomenon I'm assuming."

Teal'C held this coy expression on his face as Daniel tried to fumble around for an explanation. He nodded at O'Neill, letting him in on the secret torture that he was enjoying. O'Neill couldn't remember a time that seemed so lighthearted as the one they were in. He relished in it, enjoying the fact that these moments would only grow now. It amazed him how quickly things can change.

"But I'm guessing you already knew that?" Daniel huffed in exasperation after noting Teal'c and his growing smile.

"Anyway, what's going on with you and Sam? I heard you guys were around here somewhere"

"Cut the games Daniel, she knows how much of a pest you have been. Buzzing in my ear all day." O'Neill scowled.

"Jack, it's fine! I had a check up, Jack and I saw the baby on the ultrasound."

"Really? How did that go? I mean considering….I mean….nevermind I'm gonna shut up now." Daniel's cheeks flamed bright red. His brain filter seemed to malfunction at the most inopportune time.

"No, it's a fair question. It went better than I expected. Thanks to Jack." Sam leaned into Jack, a fond smile reaching her eyes in remembrance. O'Neill rubbed her arm lightly, offering reassurance. This little endearing display did not escape Daniel's attention. Nor Teal'c as they shared a knowing glance. They always knew of the bond Sam and Jack shared, but with the military regulations figured it would be a longshot for them to admit any feelings besides platonic ones. It was unfortunate that it took such a traumatic event for them to get here. On the other hand, it was a small silver lining.

"Did you speak with GeneralHammond yet?" Teal'c asked, always one to be straight to the point.

"No not yet. I figured I would save that for another day, I've had enough excitement for the time being." And as if on schedule, her stomach had started to rumble.

"Now that a little recap has been had, what do you guys say we go scout out some cake?" O'Neill clasped his hands together.

"Indeed."

The cafeteria was bustling with activity. Servicemen were going about their business, some grabbing a quick bite, others seated in seemingly lighthearted conversations. Telling herself to keep breathing, she walked up to a free table, and slid into the remaining seat beside Daniel.

"So what's good here? Haven't been here for awhile." Sam tested out her latest sense of humor.

"Cake. Cake is always good. But Danny here has been eyeing some of that jello you love."

"Jello...can't say it sounds too appetizing these days." Sam's face seemed to scrunch up on it's own free will.

O'Neill pretended to feign shock, Teal'c lifted an inquisitive eyebrow and Daniel outright questioned her admission.

"But you eat Jello the way the common man drinks water." Daniel pointed out.

"I know what it is, it's the first stages of those pregnancy cravings and repulsions. Wait for it Carter, everything you used to love, you will hate soon enough!" O'Neill spoke with too much enjoyment.

"Is it weird that I'm actually looking forward to all of the weird cravings and things to come?" Sam laughed. She really was excited for all the experiences this pregnancy had to offer. If she was being honest with herself, she had begun questioning her likelihood of becoming a mother. Even Janet had mentioned the odd chance of her having a child from all of the trauma she had experienced over the years. And that was before the Kuk fiasco had happened.

A minor chorus of reassurances were echoed with no hesitation.

"What ya thinkin of?" O'Neill asked seeing her looking miles away.

"I just can't help but see everyone here, going about their day so normally. Feels off, almost as though I'm imagining being here. Like I know it's real, but it was just the other day that I was alone and more times than not literally imagining being here. I don't know, I'm not making any sense. Forget it." Sam shook her head trying the knock the thoughts out of her mind. If they were just thoughts she could get past it, but they weren't they were memories that were still very much alive with her.

"MajorCarter, I believe I can in a small way, relate to what you are referring to. I spent years committing countless atrocities in the name of Apophis, forced to do the most heinous acts that cause me to despise myself more and more each day. When I finally freed myself of that bondage, thanks to the Tau'ri, it took much time and effort for me to free myself of the guilt and shame that I had harboured. Even though I had the aid of those that have become my chosen identity, it took many years of going through the motions before I truly felt liberated and, as you say, to go about my day normally." Teal'c bowed his head, signalling that he said his bit. And once again, there was an unequivocal amount of wisdom to be shared when Teal'c spoke.

"So you're saying, fake it until I make it?" Sam's eyes shone with unshed tears.

"Well that and mostly with time, things will feel right Sam. No one is expecting you to just shake off what happened. Despite all the things that would point elsewhere, everyone knows you are human." Daniel smiled. Even with all the time that passed by, Sam's reputation still preceded her. She was what legends were made of in the SGC hallways. All of SG-1 really.

"You're right, I know that. I just wish I could fast forward to the end where things are all sunshine and rainbows." the last part of Sam's sentence coming out in a yawn.

"Well aside from sunshine and rainbows, I foresee a lot of naps in your future. You better get them in now before the little one comes." O'Neill spoke with a twinkle in his eye.

"Still up for helping out? I plan to hold you to it." Sam winked.

"Of course." O'Neill reached out to grab her hand. An act that was meant to portray warmth and his care. But it was an act that caused her to recoil and flinch out of reach. He shouldn't have been surprised, but Sam had been putting on such a strong front it made him think otherwise. Her cheeks burned bright with shame and embarrassment.

Daniel and Teal'c couldn't help but take note of her reaction. It made the reality of the situation real and it stung them to the core that she was going through that.

"I just remembered, I left something in the locker room….I'm gonna...go get it." Sam stumbled over her words trying to cover up what just happened. Without waiting for any response, she stood and walked as fast as she dared out of the commissary.

Daniel, Teal'c and O'Neill all looked at each other, somewhat lost but wanting to do something to help. Daniel was the first to react, standing up and gathering his trash to clear off. "I'm gonna go check on her."

"Let's just give her a second. I think she was embarrassed and may need a moment to herself." O'Neill suggested.

"But she has nothing to be embarrassed about."

"Often times DanielJackson, I find logic and rational behavior is somewhat limited when one experiences a trauma as Major Carter has."

"Couldn't have said it better myself." O'Neill threw Teal'c a sideways grin.

A couple of hours pass since Sam made her great escape. The team had gone about their separate ways making themselves busy with various tasks. O'Neill was spinning his wheels more than anything. He knew that she had needed the time to regroup, but he also just wanted to wrap her up in his arms and let her know that she was safe. And to remind himself that she was still there.

But he reasoned that two hours was ample enough alone time. At least it was for his sanity's sake. So with that justification in mind, he got up and began the search for her.

It didn't take long, finding her in the usual spot that was her comfort zone, her office. She had her head buried in a textbook, but O'neill would be surprised if she was really concentrating on it. Taking care not to elicit a similar reaction as earlier, he knocked on the door frame.

"Mind if I bother you for a second?"

Looking up to him slowly, she let out a deep sigh before offering him a smile. "Of course not, I think I'm ready to show my face again."

"Nothing to hide from Sam, things aren't going to get better overnight."

"Yeah, but I sure wish they could be! I didn't expect to react that way ya know? I thought I was handling it better." Sam's eyes cast down to her hands in front of her. She always prided herself in being able to be a soldier first. She knew how the military was, that she would have to prove herself each and every day. Even after all this time in the Stargate program, she knew there were still some who doubted.

"There's nothing left to prove you know?" O'Neill sat down across from her. A smirk slid on his face as he saw her eyes snap up in surprise to hear him echo her thoughts.

"I know you Sam. And you have to believe me when I say there's nothing to be ashamed of. You showed your worth from the day you showed up and challenged me to an arm wrestling match. And you definitely showed your worth when you blew up that sun, not to mention the other countless times that you save us from an untimely fate.

You don't have to separate the woman from the soldier. And honestly, I wouldn't want you to."

"You should speak more, you're not as dense as you put on." Sam chuckled.

"Hey! I'm still your commanding officer. Besides, being a man of few words, makes my thoughts all the more precious. Just like ole Teal'c. But what do you say we get out of here, it's been a long enough day, I'd say?"

"Sure. I am pretty tired."

And for the first time in awhile, Sam felt hopeful. And she felt something that she couldn't quite call happy just yet. But she knew it was on the horizon.