XXI: Mens Rea

~Clary~

"Carl! Look out!" I cry, raising my rifle to my eye and firing on the enemy before they have a chance to take a shot at Carl. He rolls away from the line of fire, taking cover beside me. I shout, "Jesse! I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"Yo, what the hell?!" Jesse shouts back. "That wasn't me!"

"Then who the hell was it?"

"That bitch!" Jesse shouts, firing at Benjamin.

"Come at me, bro!" Benjamin shouts in reply, starting one of the pointless arguments the two can usually be seen having. He mocks, "Look at me, I'm Jesse! Bitch!"

"Oh, well, I'm Benjamin and I'm the dungeon master of my LARP group at my college 'cause I'm a fucking nerd! Take that, bitch!"

"That's not even right!"

"They're so fucking stupid," I sigh to myself.

"Where the hell is Glenn?!" Carl exclaims.

"You got me! Short Round!"

"Over here!" comes his reply.

I glance over at Carl, and he nods once. "You could easily kick everyone's ass, on your own," Carl says. "Your plan. What're we doing?"

"You run for Glenn, I lay down cover fire," I say. "Ready? Go!"

I spin on my heel, firing towards Benjamin as Carl takes off. I make my way after him, taking cover with Glenn and Carl. We would've had four on our team had Jesus not claimed that his latest profile for Albany PD was more important than paintball. "Ben, Seb, and Alex are kicking ass," Glenn says. "Sam's team's half out. Enid and Jesse are still in."

"Damn, Sebby has no mercy on his brother," I state.

"Babe, you shot Sophia," Carl deadpans.

"Fair point," I give in, then push Carl down right before blue paint splatters on the wall. I line up Enid in my sights, pulling the trigger. Green splatters against her chest, and I report, "Enid's out." I glance towards the paint on the wall. "Oh, of course Jesse's team has blue. I'm gonna get him one of those 'kiss the cook' aprons, 'cause I don't think he could be any more obvious. Maybe play some 'Crystal Blue Persuasion' or 'Crystal Ship' while I'm at it."

He's supposed to be laying low, I think, my rant becoming internal as I really don't need Carl to be hearing about who Jesse really is right now. But no! The dumbass is still cooking here and there. I'm a dumbass 'cause I dealt for him once. Oh, and he's still using his first fucking name! He only changed his last name! The cops are still after him! I can't deal with his dumbassery on a good day.

"What does that even mean?" Carl asks. "And where the hell is Jesse?!"

"Glenn, get ready. Follow his voice," I command, then shout, "Yo, Jess! Magnets!"

"Yeah, bitch! Magnets!" Jesse shouts in reply, his voice coming from the forest to our right. Glenn fires at him through the trees, and I hear Jesse shout, "Son of a bitch! Fuck you, Dix!"

"Alright, nice job, Short Round."

"Magnets?" Carl asks, incredulous.

"Long story short, Jesse loves magnets and it's been our running joke for a while," I explain. "Alright, boys, now it's just us and orange."

"So let's kick their asses," Glenn says, and I start to get up. "Hey! We need a plan!"

"I have a plan, Short Round," I reply. "Attack."

So I charge into battle, Carl and Glenn following behind me. I duck and roll and they start firing on us, coming up and returning fire. Carl joins me, but Glenn has joined the fallen, orange splattered all over his chest. "It's just you and me now," Carl says.

"Just like the old times," I say without thinking, then pause. "Well, my old times, anyway. Ready?"

"Wait, why did they stop shooting?" Carl questions.

"Shit," I whisper. "Alright, there's two ways this can go. Either they're hiding and waiting, or they're surrounding us as we speak."

"What about surrendering?"

I give him a look. "It's never that easy, Cowboy."

I catch movement in the bushes out of the corner of my eyes, but Carl sees it, too. He hisses, "Down. Now!"

I duck down as Carl fires in the bushes, and we hear a yelp. Carl and I take off, but we're cut off as we trap ourselves in a clearing. Sebastian emerges from the woods first, followed by Alex (with a mark of green on his arm) and Benjamin. They surround us, circling, foolishly thinking that they have us cornered. Carl and I go back to back, and I whisper to him, "It's alright. I've been in this situation before. Do you trust me?"

"You know what you're doing," Carl replies. "Of course."

"Okay. On the count of three, you're gonna hit the deck. And… three!"

I take the other team by surprise, and Carl gets down. I fire at the orange team; Benjamin goes down first, followed by Alex. Sebastian aims his paintball gun at Carl, ordering, "Drop it! Or I shoot!"

"Okay, okay," I say, my heart pounding at the sight of a gun on Carl, even though I know it won't hurt him. Too many bad experiences, however, and my hands are shaking slightly as I slowly put my rifle down. "Okay, whatever you want. Just don't hurt him."

"Sebastian!" Carl hisses after glancing towards me, a certain urgency in his voice.

"Oh, shit!" Sebastian says, quickly taking his gun off of Carl. "Clary, I didn't—"

He's cut off as I quickly grab a gun and fire, Sebastian's once black helmet now covered with green. I hold my rifle with one hand, offering Carl my other. He takes it, and I pull him to his feet after he grabs his paintball gun. I walk over, standing over the eldest Widmore with my gun aimed down at him. Sebastian raises his hands, rushing, "Clary, Clary, it's me."

"Nobody threatens him," I say, still protective as ever over Carl, despite the fact that I'm not in the apocalypse world anymore.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Sebastian says. "I didn't even think about it."

Carl rests his hand on my arm, softly saying, "Babe, it's okay. I'm okay."

It's only when Carl assures me that he's okay do I lower my gun. I pull Sebastian to his feet. "Sorry."

"Don't," Sebastian replies. "That was on me. I should've known. Sorry. We good?" I give a nod. "What now?"

"Hit the arcade? Laser tag?" I suggest.

"Only if I get you this time," Sebastian replies.

"Yo, I called Dix for the next game," Jesse argues, slinging his arm around my shoulders. "We're gonna kick ass and take names. Just like we used to, huh?"

"Nope, no way," Benjamin replies. "She is intense! She's got the aim. Christ, Seb, look at you! She shot you in the head! I'm not crossing her in any shooting game."

"Well, Bitchamin, in your defense, you could easily beat me at a shooting videogame," I return. "Anything that involves real life targets, however… Let's just say that the only chance you'll have to beat me is if you're Deadshot."

"Ah, my girlfriend is hot, a badass, and a nerd," Carl sighs in content. "I love my life."

"Don't forget, I ride a motorcycle," I add.

"That was included in the badass," Carl tells me.

"Ugh, get a room," Alex teases as he takes Sebastian's hand.

"Ugh, get a closet," I retort, winking at them. Sebastian turns, firing a single shot into my chest. "Ah! Sebastian! You little shit!"

Sebastian laughs, then sees the look on my face. "Hey, Seb, you might want to run," Alex says.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Sebastian quickly replies before taking off. I take off after him, pushing around Sophia and Enid after Sebastian tries to hide behind them. I chase him the whole way back to the building, but I land a shot on his back before he can get away from me. Sebastian turns, hands raised. "I'm sorry," he says, slowly backing away from me. "Please don't shoot me again."

"Only if you promise not to shoot me," I say, still aiming my paintball gun at him.

"Done," Sebastian promises. I lower my gun, following him into the office building. We all return our gear, then grab our stuff from the lockers. "Jeez, what did my mom want?" Carl questions, looking down at his phone. "Three missed calls?"

"Lori called me, too," I say. "You might want to call her back."

"Yeah. I'll meet you guys outside, okay?"

We all nod, heading out while Carl remains with the lockers to call his mother. A few minutes later, he emerges, clutching his phone and his eyes wide. "Carl?" I question. "Hey, you okay? What's going on?"

"He woke up," Carl whispers.

"What?"

"He woke up," Carl repeats, grabbing my hands. "My dad woke up! I told my mom I'd be there right away!"

"You want to take my car?" Sam inquires.

"Nah, I drive faster," I say, stopping Sam before he can hand over his keys. I take out my keys, zipping up my jacket. "You better hold on tight, Cowboy."

"Let's go!" Carl exclaims, taking off for where I parked my motorcycle (which Jesse, who is still making bank selling Blue Sky, insisted on buying for me to celebrate the end of my coma).

I pause before following him, glancing back at everyone. "We'll keep you guys in the loop, okay?"

"Be careful," Glenn tells me. "Drive safe."

I nod, then take off to join Carl. He's already waiting on my bike, and I climb on, starting it up. The engine roars to life, and we tear out of the parking lot. I pass cars in a not exactly lawful way, heading towards the hospital. I drop Carl off at the door, then go find a parking stall. When I do, I quickly pull in before running to the door. I take the stairs, not bothering to wait for the elevator. My heart begins to pound at the thought of actually seeing Rick, the real Rick.

I find Rick's room with ease, and Carl turns when he sees me in the door. "Hey," he says softly, meeting me in the doorway and pressing a quick kiss to my lips. "He's a little disoriented, but he'll be alright. I'm glad you're here."

"No problem," I reply, squeezing his hand.

"C'mon." Carl pulls me inside the room, gesturing to me as he says, "Dad, this is my girlfriend, C—"

"Clary," Rick breathes, eyes widening.

"Rick," I say, and there's something in his voice, something that I recognize.

"You—you're—you're alive," he stammers, and then I realize what I recognize. The way he's speaking now is the same way I was when I first woke up. "I—I—I hoped you got away, but I wasn't sure."

Did he… no, it isn't possible. He survived the bridge? But where was he?

My hand goes to the place I wore Rick's Colt Python for years after I thought he died. I can still feel its phantom weight. I swallow before saying, "Rick, what did you… that day, what did you say to me?"

"Same thing you and Glenn said to me," Rick replies. "'Good luck, dumbass.'"

I spent seven years thinking that I watched Rick Grimes die. I spent seven years wondering if my final revelation, my final act of espionage against him, made him blow up the bridge. I spent seven years wondering it Rick's final thoughts were something along the lines of if I wanted him dead, then who else had conspired against him? I spent seven years carrying the weight that I couldn't save Rick Grimes, but he was alive the entire time. And he outlived me.

"I have to go," I whisper, backing towards the door. "I have to get out of here."

I take off out the door, and I hear footsteps running after me a moment later. I duck into the room with the vending machines, putting my head in my hands. Carl calls after me, "Clary!"

He slows to a stop as he catches up, taking my hands in his. "Clary, baby, look at me."

"Carl, that's the man I knew," I rush, shaking. "The one that… Negan… the dive bar… the bridge… I… I need Daryl."

"Are you okay to drive? Or should I call Daryl to come get you? Do you want me to call Jesse or one of the others to take you home? Alden's working tonight. Do you want me to go find him?"

"No, it'll be faster if I go," I say. "I'm sorry, Carl." I press a quick kiss to his lips. "I gotta go."

"Be safe," Carl tells me, but I hardly hear him, already running for the exit. I rush into the parking lot, fumbling with my keys before I manage to start the engine. I tear out of the parking lot, winding down the familiar roads at least ten miles above the speed limit. I screech to a stop in front of Daryl's house, spotting his truck in the driveway. I quickly climb off, barely stopping to grab my keys as I rush inside. "Daryl!" I exclaim. "Daryl!"

"Hey, hey! What's going on?!" Daryl rushes as I slide into the kitchen, putting down the spoon he was using to stir venison stew. "Clary?!"

"It's Rick," I manage, breathless as Daryl grasps my arms, holding me still. "He's one that I knew. Somehow, we both went through the same thing." I can feel hot tears on my cheeks, and Daryl looks at me for a moment before pulling me against his chest while I let out a sob. "It's him. It's still him. He's the man that I asked Negan to kill because I was terrified he was gonna hurt me."

"I won't let him hurt you, sweetheart," Daryl murmurs. "He can't do anything to you, not in this world." Daryl pulls away just far enough to look down at me. "We'll be okay. You know I've always got your back, no matter what it is."

"The Rick that disappeared on the bridge, the Rick that just woke up, he's not the same Rick that I knew at the beginning of the apocalypse. He's not the Rick that anyone knows."

"He changed?" Daryl questions.

"Rick went to a place that's hard to come back from. We both did. Alexandria brought us back, just a bit. Then, after Carl, Rick… he was too far gone. He went to a place that there was no coming back from. He did things that made Negan look like a goddamn fairy tale." I take a shaking breath. "I'm so scared, Daryl. Rick kept drifting further and further, past the point of no return. I started to go, too. Aaron and Eric kept me grounded, kept me from becoming Negan. And then when I lost Eric, lost Carl, I was done. That night, the attack at Hilltop, I fought, but after it, I couldn't fight anymore. I didn't kill until Alden was in danger, until Judith was in danger, and then I was done, up until they killed Paul." I tuck myself into Daryl's chest, my head under his chin. "My dads, they kept me from going too far. Rick didn't have that. He went darker and darker and darker until he was past the point of no return. I asked Negan to kill him. And Negan lost."

"I'm getting your dads," Daryl decides. He never releases me, keeping one arm around me as he calls them. "Hey, yeah, Aaron, it's me... Yeah, she's here… You need to get here, now."

~Daryl~

I pause from where I sit running my hand through Clary's hair, looking out the window as a vehicle pulls into the driveway. "I'll be right back, sweetheart," I murmur. "Your dads are here."

Clary remains on the couch, hugging her knees to her chest as I get up to meet Aaron and Eric. I open the door for them as they reach the porch, telling them, "C'mon in."

Aaron and Eric walk inside, Eric kneeling in front of Clary as Aaron takes a seat on the couch beside her. He wraps his arm around her shoulders, Eric softly saying, "What's going on, sweetheart?"

"Rick… he was alive the entire time," Clary says. "I spent seven years thinking that his death was on me. I always thought it'd be Rick that'd kill me." Clary curls up against Aaron, and Eric moves up onto the couch next to her. "He knows what I did, Dad."

"Oh, god, Cheyenne," Aaron says, holding her to his chest. "There's no way in hell Rick could even touch you in this world."

Eric glances at me when I sit down next to him, asking, "Do you think she'll be okay?"

"I don't know," I admit. "I've never… I've never seen her this scared, and…"

"Yeah," Eric says, understanding what I was implying; after all that we had been through, it was Rick Grimes that has her so terrified. Eric rubs gentle circles on Clary's back, and she closes her eyes as she leans into Aaron. There's a knock on the door, and I get to my feet, leaving my sister with her fathers.

I open the door to find Alden on the other side of the door, still wearing his scrubs. His hands are in pockets, his head bowed and eyes closed. "Alden, what are you doing here?" I ask.

"I saw Clary running out of the hospital like a bat out of hell," Alden explains, looking up. "Carl found me, gave me an update. He asked me to bring him." I glance over Alden's shoulder, finding Carl sitting in the passenger seat of his car, parked along the curb. "Carl, he asked me to come up first to make sure that you wouldn't send him away."

I cross my arms over my chest. "Let's find out."

Alden waves Carl up, and the kid damn near trips over his own feet as he rushes to join us on the porch. Carl wrings his hands as he reaches us, whispering, "I don't know if she wants me here or not, but tell me if she's okay."

"She's not," I say. "Kid, what happened in there…"

"I know what she went through," Carl returns. "I know, Daryl. He turned into someone he's not and she thought he was gonna kill her. Look, I'm not my dad. I would never hurt her. And if it came down to it, if I had to choose between them, I'd choose her in a heartbeat. I love her."

I pause for a moment before stepping aside, allowing Carl to enter. I step outside with Alden, closing the door behind me. Alden glances up at me, asking, "Do you think she'll be okay?"

"I don't know," I answer. "I mean, you know what she dreamt, Alden."

He did. Clary had confided in him about what she went through, and I knew she told him more than she told me. Alden was in her confidant in that other world; the two knew everything about each other—good, bad, and ugly. Clary had trusted him enough in that other world that she extended the same trust to Alden here.

"And I know what she saw," Alden adds, slowly nodding. "I understand what she's going through, but I just can't even imagine how she feels." Alden bows his head again. "I don't know what I'd do if she isn't okay after this."

Alden starts to turn away, heading back down the pathway to his car. I call after him, "Alden, hold on!" He pauses, turning back to look at me. "Why don't you come inside? Make sure she's okay yourself."

~Clary~

I lift my head from Aaron's chest when Daryl disappears outside, closing the door behind him. "Where's he going?" Eric asks.

A minute later, the door opens and Carl steps inside. I immediately get to my feet, Aaron saying, "That's where."

"Oh, God, Carl," I whisper. I rush to meet him, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his shoulder. "Oh, God, Carl, I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you, too," Carl slowly replies, returning my embrace. In his arms, I remember our final embrace as though it was only moments ago, rather than years. I never forgot about him, never stopped loving him, even when I loved—

"Alden!" I exclaim, seeing him enter next, Daryl behind him. I pull away from Carl, running to meet the blonde. I knock the wind out of both of us as I slam into his chest, wrapping my arms around him and squeezing tightly.

"Hey, hey, I'm here," Alden replies softly, combing a hand through my hair as he hugs me. "It's okay. We're okay. We're okay, Clary. It's a different world."

"But it's him," I whisper. "Al, that's the Rick I knew. The Rick that did those… those terrible things I told you about! Alden, what if that was real? What if all of this is just the dream?"

"Listen to me, Clary," Alden says, pulling back to look at me. "Listen. We are going to be okay in this world. What you lived through, it's over. It's in the past. It never happened in this world."

"Al, I… I can't just forget it all. I can't."

I find myself remembering things that I wanted to forget, things that I thought I left behind in the apocalypse world. I feel like I'm in it again.

"Carl," I whisper, reaching behind me for his hand.

"I'm here, babe," Carl says, taking my hand and pulling me into his arms.

But no matter what I do, I can't escape.

I spin away from Carl when I hear a gunshot outside, pushing him behind me. "Oh, god," I whisper.

"What the hell was that?" Aaron questions, shooting to his feet. Eric follows him up, taking his hand, at the second shot.

"Gunshots," I answer. "Down the street. Probably at the corner."

"Someone could be hurt," Alden says as he starts towards the door.

I rush after him, separating him from the door as I cry, "No!"

"Clary—"

"Al, we may live in Georgia, but there ain't gunshots for no reason," I say, flinching as more shots follow. "You go out there, you're gonna die. I can't let that happen." I take a breath. "If anyone goes out, I will."

"Not alone, you're not," Daryl says. He disappears into his room, emerging a moment later with his crossbow on his back and mine in his hands. "Let's go."

"Stay close to me, alright? We gotta grab Sammy."

"Seb and Alex?"

"They were heading back to Atlanta after paintball."

Daryl hands me my crossbow, and I lead the way out the door. Down the street, by the flickering street light, a group of people kneel around something that looks way too similar to a body for my liking. Three other people walk towards them.

But I recognize that gait, that stumbling walk. I can hear the low growls.

Daryl asks, "The hell are they doing?"

"Feeding," I whisper. "It's happening all over again. Get inside. Now!"

I push Daryl ahead of me, and he leads the way back inside. As I close the door behind me, Alden asks, "What's going on?"

"Darry, get every weapon we got. Every knife, too," I order. "Aaron, Eric, all the non-perishables, and start loading 'em in your truck and Daryl's. Al, you're on anything medicine. Carl, you're coming with me to the garage and we're getting any other shit we need to survive. We'll grab Sammy, Glenn, and Jesus, then we split up and get the others. We get them and get the hell outta Dodge."

The others take off, trusting me without a question. Alden pauses, catching my arm as I pass, asking, "Hey, what the hell's going on out there?"

"Al, you trust me, right?"

"Of course. But… Clary, what the hell's happening?"

"I woke up, and I thought it was over, but it was just beginning," I say. "The dead are walking, Alden. But it's not the end of the world. It's the new world. And we can make it together, but we can only make it together. We stick together, and we survive this because we are the walking dead. So are you with me, Point Break?"

"Until the end, Clary Dixon. Without question."

"This ain't the end," I call, starting towards the garage. "It's only the beginning. Welcome to the next world."