The Victory Tour

Nerrah Salvadore, Victor of the 96th Hunger Games

Nrrrd-Grrrl-Meg

When she jolted awake, Nerrah only became more afraid. She had no idea where she was… It was dark, so so dark. Dark like the night, when the rubble rose up from the sky and covered any stars, if there even were any. The same darkness as the murky hellhole she had to survive in, where she killed, but she didn't have a choice…

Nerrah clicked on the light next to her bed, feeling sweaty and clammy from her nightmare, heart still pumping just like it did six months ago when she was fighting for the last time. Her heart was pumping, but theirs weren't anymore. Her eyes were open, his weren't anymore. She only did what she had to do… But she still did it.

Nerrah clutched her chest, focusing on her breathing. She couldn't bother her family. Never had before, in the six months that her new house in the Village has been full to the brim.

It was a hard decision for her father, who was attached to his business back home. However, he decided that he would rather stay with Nerrah. He was set on opening a new garage closer to the Village, which Nerrah was happy to support. He was obviously missing the old garage, though, especially the friends and family they'd made from being open so long… so Nerrah had used some of her winnings: still getting used to that: to buy him a new car that he could use to drive. It was the best of both worlds, and he was happy to drive: especially excited to teach Nerrah and the kids. Nerrah felt comfortable behind the wheel, and wondered if maybe she could get involved in racecar driving someday in the Capitol.

Racecar driving. She tried so hard to focus on the happy things in life, and the excitement of getting involved with that was just one of those things. She thought about the wind in her hair behind the wheel, and possibly being a quick fixer on the sidelines as well. That was her Victor's talent, after all. Who would have thought that would even be an option?

The thought of the wind was so strong she could practically feel it, her queen bed racing down the speedway… That calmed her nerves a little bit. It was jarring to have life change this quickly, especially after everything that she'd done, but at least she had some anchors. Those anchors were what kept her strong. Since getting home, Nerrah barely cried. She couldn't worry her family, so she kept up her persona and sass at all times. She was proud of that. She was proud that she was strong, that she wasn't breaking down, even when she really, really wanted to…

It felt like a fist squeezing at her chest, but Nerrah held back the tears. In a male-dominated industry, and throughout the Games, Nerrah had made a name and image for herself as a tough person. That was how she had to be in order to get respect. That was how her family was, tough and strong. That was how she had to be. I betrayed her… There was no place for guilt here. It was over, and done with, and she was gone. That's just how it was. She was gone.

After she'd calmed down and gotten a bottle of water from the mini fridge in her bedroom, Nerrah was left alone to think. Not wanting to go to sleep, not wanting to dream anymore… But also confused. It had been a while since she dreamed about the Arena. She wondered if there was something in particular that caused another nightmare.

...Then she remembered the date. And everything became clear. As soon as she thought about what she would have to do, her heart sank down into her stomach. She wasn't ready for any of this to happen… She didn't know if she could even do it.

Nerrah was scared. And she hated that she was scared. How often had she seen her family members be scared? Never. She hated feeling this way, knowing that everyone around her was so brave all the time, they put it away to be strong, to be respected, and Nerrah felt like she was about to burst! ...But she just couldn't. She couldn't bother her family with problems that they would never understand because they didn't experience the trauma that she had. It would just be useless. A waste of time. She didn't need their pity, and they wouldn't know how to comfort her. Nerrah didn't even know how to comfort herself. It was just best to hold it in to prevent them all some trouble...

The rest of the night was restless for Nerrah, and in the morning when her alarm rang, she was dead tired. Every motion she made was met with protest from her body, and her stomach just wouldn't settle. Part exhaustion, part nerves. But whether she was ready or not, she didn't have a choice. So, she needed to just get it done.

Nerrah got dressed and went downstairs. Her step mom was making breakfast for her, and it smelled delicious.

"Morning," she said, when Nerrah came out to the kitchen.

"Where's dad?" Nerrah asked, frowning. She was hoping he would be here to say goodbye, but she should have known…

"He and the boys are down at the shop already, getting straight to work." Nerrah's heart sank at that. She really should have guessed, but she was hoping that at least her father would have remembered what today was and hung around to tell her goodbye… It wasn't that late, it was only 8…

"Right," she said with a small sigh. Why wouldn't they be?

"But he says that he'll see you tomorrow when you return home, and he's sure you'll do wonderfully."

Nerrah gave a little smile, trying to be thankful that at least he remembered. "Right."

"Are you nervous?"

Nerrah so badly wanted to tell her the truth, but she wouldn't understand. She wouldn't be able to help. "A little," she lied. But she was terrified.

"I'm sure you'll relax once you're on your way to District Twelve." She was trying to be reassuring, but Nerrah didn't feel very reassured at all. She was sure that she'd actually feel worse then.

"I hope so," Nerrah said passively, and Nadine smiled at her daughter.

"You're a trooper," she said. "We are so proud of you." She leaned down to kiss the top of Nerrah's head, but Nerrah couldn't believe it. They weren't proud of her, they were proud of how she was presenting herself.

"Thanks," she said.

Just then, little Quentin appeared at the door, his new overalls on and a big grin on his face. "When are we going Mom?" he asked.

Nerrah glanced at her curiously. "Where are you going?"

"I figured it would be best if I got Quent out of your way. We're going to go visit the boys at the shop. I'm sure they'll be happy to see him."

Nerrah gave a smile and a nod, but her throat caught and her eyes stung. "Oh, okay."

"Are you going to be alright?" she asked.

Nerrah swallowed down the tears. What choice did she have, she couldn't break down now, in front of Quentin. "Of course."

Nadine was convinced. "Do your best," she said, giving Nerrah another kiss on the top of her head. "You're doing great. Love you."

Nerrah smiled at both of them. "Love you guys. Be safe out there." She watched them walk out the door. That meant that everyone would be down at the shop today… Except for her. How badly she wanted things to go back to normal… She just wanted to be the girl that she once was, without any stupid responsibilities, always there to help and not having to go to the Capitol… Not having any blood on her hands… Not having the constant fear in the bottom of her stomach… But that wasn't too possible now, was it?

A tear slipped out of Nerrah's eye, but before she could let another out, she heard a knock at her door. When she opened it, she saw Sayaka, her escort, and her prep team. The uncharacteristically dark and punk-ish charm bracelet she always wore jingled as Sayaka waved to Nerrah. Along with it, she was wearing a cornflower blue suit dress with pale blue lining underneath. It sported an asymmetrical v-neckline, contoured by slightly exaggerated shapes and cuts. Her bracelet was put on top of the burgundy gloves she wore. The outfit was topped off with some very on-brand white oxford shoes. Her pale lavender hair was elegantly twisted into a bun, and when she turned slightly, Nerrah could see it was shaped like a flower. "Hello, Nerrah," she said pleasantly.

"Hey everyone," she said, just not feeling up to whatever her prep team was going to do to her. She hadn't exactly kept up with the whole shaving, nail painting, moisturizing thing they were so adamant about before she left the Capitol.

"We have work to do!" said her head stylist, practically barging her way past Nerrah into the house. And thus, the in-home beauty station was created, and Nerrah was subject to even more of their terrible altercations to her appearance.

This time, though, while they were working, Sayaka was there watching. Any time Nerrah made a face, Sayaka scolded her stylists and told them to be more gentle. Despite the growing annoyance of the prep team, Sayaka remained civil and level with her complaints.

"Ow!" she said, when the brushing of her coarse hair had finally gotten to her.

"Maybe if you combed it like we said you should, it wouldn't hurt," the guy snapped back at her.

"She's a human being, not a dress-up doll," Sayaka said, her voice still calm but now with somewhat of an edge. That elicited grumbling the whole rest of the time about how slowing down would only make them late, but Sayaka wasn't budging, and Nerrah was thankful to have someone advocating for her. Sayaka was another strong person in Nerrah's life… She was just surrounded by them, wasn't she?

After they were satisfied, they brought out a fashionable denim jumpsuit for Nerrah to wear as she exited her house in the Victor's Village. After that was on, it was finishing touches, including make-up that made Nerrah feel like her face was covered in oil and grease.

"Follow me," Sayaka said. "I'll be with you the entire time through the tour. I'll make sure you're taken care of."

"Thanks Sayaka," Nerrah said, taking her escort's hand for support as her prep team opened the door and Nerrah stepped out. The crowd was huge, many of them Capitolites. Cameras clicked and flashed, Nerrah heard loud chatter and people yelling her name… Seeing how tall Sayaka stood made Nerrah stand taller herself, and after a few seconds for them to take pictures, Sayaka started through the crowd with the determination of a bull. Nerrah had to jog to keep up with her as she pushed through the crowd, apologizing and saying that Nerrah didn't have time to stop for any questions or autographs. The process was as smooth as it could have been with her prep team bringing in the rear. Soon, they were on the train, and Nerrah could finally breathe again when the door slid shut. Her mentor, District Six's only other victor, Noa, was already on board the train, greeting her with a hug.

"How are you doing?" Noa asked softly.

"I'm fine," Nerrah said. Another lie. Was there anyone she wouldn't lie to? Noa seemed to get the sense that Nerrah didn't want to talk. They had already given Nerrah a ton of advice on how to handle the tour the day before, so she was glad for the moment of peace she finally had.

But, it seemed that as soon as she sat down, her prep team was telling her to get up, as she needed to change her outfit before the first stop. Much to her chagrin, Nerrah did as she was told. She didn't want to start anything now trying to get out of something that was impossible to at this point. When she was finally able to sit down, Sayaka busied herself making tea for Nerrah and being sure she was comfortable. Nerrah felt her stomach sink again as she fiddled with her thumbs, wishing she could be back home fixing something and not… Here doing this. She was right, she did feel worse… And the anxiety only peaked when the train came to a stop and Sayaka came out to get her.

It was as dreary there as Nerrah had ever seen. The air was dense with smoke and coal dust, the sun was covered with gray clouds, and there was no breeze, no life. And the people there looked very much the same.

None looked less lively than the two families that were standing on the podiums directly across from Nerrah, back behind the crowd. The faces of the tributes passed stared her down, and the faces of their families weren't much more forgiving.

On the left, Russet Hem. Under his picture stands one lone woman that doesn't look healthy at all. Nerrah couldn't imagine she had two months left, even. He must have loved her so much, and she loved him. He seemed like the caring type, from what Nerrah could remember.

On the right side was Brooklyn Bay. There stood two parents that looked like they were high-up professionals, but their faces made them look more like zombies. Russ and Brooklyn were friends and allies, and Nerrah's heart broke to see such small groups of people, obviously looking so disappointed. She could see the love that was present in that family even from the far distance from which she stood.

After a short speech, the people's lifeless eyes watched as Nerrah quickly left the stage.

It was a short trip to District Eleven, so Nerrah had no time to be alone and decompress before she was being announced by yet another mayor. She was met with no applause when she walked out on the stage, but she didn't expect: or want: any.

Standing for Thoreau Abdulrashid was a couple that looked completely hopeless. His father looked just like him, and seemed to stare Nerrah in the eyes even from that far distance. Upon watching interviews, she remembered that his brother had suffered the same fate, years ago. Nerrah had no idea how the couple kept going after losing both of their sons… She didn't want to think about it. Especially with how innovative and intelligent they both were…

On the other side, a large family stood for Alisha Mowelder. Two parents stood with a tall girl that looked older than Ali and two younger girls: one that was probably getting close to middle school and one that was probably still in primary school. The girls stayed close to their parents and held onto their dirty, ragged clothes. The oldest daughter glared at Nerrah. She deserved it. Ali was quiet, but trained so diligently and was always so studious.

After making another short speech that seemed to take forever, Nerrah was back and on her way to District Ten. And how she wished that speech really would have gone forever…

She was only alive today because she decided to abandon her ally, and she knew it. Katarina took the fall for her: completely unwillingly. Nerrah knew that she didn't have a choice if she wanted to live, but sometimes she wished that she would have remained loyal until the bitter end… She wasn't sure she'd ever be able to live with what she did.

The train ride was slightly longer, as they rode past fields that stretched out as far as her eye could see. How was she going to do this…?

"Just stick to the card," Sayaka told her. Nerrah could do it. She swallowed the guilty tears pushing at her eyes and stood up taller. The faster she read, the faster it would be over.

On Everett Dyer's side stood a pair of parents. His father had a gentle look on his face, almost convincing Nerrah he didn't blame her… But she knew that he probably did. With them stood a teenage girl that was hiding her face, just trying not to be shown crying on television like that. Nerrah bit her tongue and quickly turned away from the passive, sweet boy's family.

But what she saw made the girl's crying the more viewable option… Katarina Hubert looking down at her with that confident look on her face… She had no idea what was going to happen to her when this picture was taken. No idea that she was going to be abandoned by her ally like that, just because Nerrah was so selfish… Her parents, trying to hide their bitterness towards her, but not doing too well. And the two twin girls that stared at her like she was the devil. Under their gaze, Nerrah really felt like it. She couldn't believe she did it, either. Katarina didn't deserve it. She was so strong, and brave, and she was fun to be around. She didn't blame the family for being angry at her. She was angry at herself…

She didn't even know what she was saying, she just wanted it to be over… And just like that, it was, and she was back on the train. She knew that it was only the beginning, of course, but she knew that the worst was over and it couldn't possibly get worse from there. She was still anxious, but also slightly relieved as the train pulled to a stop at District Nine.

District Nine was calmer, with a slight breeze making the golden fields wave at her as she stepped up on the rinky old stage. Vale, District Nine's only Victor, looked like he belonged in District 12 he was so lifeless. He didn't even move the whole time he was in her line of vision.

Under the picture of the smiling Milo Redtail stood a pair of parents holding a very fussy little boy. He couldn't have been older than six. He was squealing and having a fit at being held there, and even from the whole way across the Square, Nerrah could tell that he just wanted to go home. That much, she could agree on. The fan favorite is always hard to say goodbye to, but he was a nice guy, too. Nice guys don't get home unfortunately…

On the other side stood the family of Amaranth Jane Smith. There were two men, one of which had a look of resignation and the other a look of pure fire. Nestled between them was another woman, who was glaring at Nerrah from across the stage. Nerrah hadn't interacted with Mar, but they seemed so lively all the time, well, until they weren't. Definitely determined to get home, though. In front of them stood three teens, two boys and a girl. They didn't look much like Mar, but surely they were close enough to be considered family. The girl was crying quietly, and one of the boys looked ready to yell.

Nerrah hurried through the speech and was getting used to the awkward break of no applause as she walked off of the stage and was soon on her way to District Eight.

District Eight was another dreary place to be. Possibly because of the side of the stage designated for Maverick Nash that was completely empty. Nerrah had remembered he was a prisoner, but hadn't expected him to be left behind by the people that were supposed to love him… She supposed if he did have friends in prison, they probably weren't allowed to come stand for him, even if they wanted to… Her heart felt heavy in her chest. He seemed pretty okay for being a prisoner, very calculated but ultimately not wanting to cause more trouble than was necessary.

On the other side was the family of Dinah Cambric. Thankfully, or maybe for worse, it was more populated: two parents, both with gentle faces, as well as a boy that looked older than Nerrah. The one that made Nerrah look away was the girl that she had seen with Dinah at the reaping: her twin sister. She looked so hopeless and miserable… She was a passive person that was very peaceful… At least her death was quick.

Nerrah didn't look up again as she finished reading the words, words that were pointless and meaningless, words that made her feel like a robot that needed oiling just to work, to speak, to get them out… And the day was only just beginning.

District Seven was unlike anything Nerrah had ever seen before. With its dense green trees towering up above, waving in the wind, the grass that was grown out just right, the small puffs of little white flowers sprinkled along the paths… It was a welcome change in atmosphere, at least viewing-wise. The families weren't quite as welcoming.

Rowan Axton's side was hard to look at. He was so close to winning, and his family was probably so hopeful… It was pitifully small, just a woman that looked like a ghost and a teenager that looked only slightly better. Rowan's photo smiled down at Nerrah, and she knew he was a good person. Hopefully, he would be happy with her if she tried to do something good with the chance she'd been given… she would hope.

On the other side was the family of Pyra Leyland. There were two parents, that looked dirty and tired. With them stood a girl older than Nerrah, but probably not by too much. She had a resigned look on her face, the regret practically pouring out of her eyes. Nerrah had so many regrets as well… At least Pyra went out quickly. She was so determined and it was the first time that Nerrah was really surprised that a 12-year-old went out so early. She really had that fire…

Nerrah was sad to leave District Seven, but knew it was for the best. As they rode, she suddenly felt so homesick, knowing that her District was the next in line… But she would get to go back there soon, and after that this would all be over. Or, as much as it could be. She was deep in thought when the train stopped at District Five.

District Five. The home of her original ally, Iris Solaric. Iris had died in twenty-third place, killed by the scythe of the boy from District Four. Nerrah had failed Iris too. Nerrah's stomach filled with dread. She knew this district wouldn't be as bad as District Ten, but thinking of Iris still filled her with so much regret.

Like the other districts, Nerrah started with the boy's side. Avery Haley only had one person standing on his platform, a young woman in her twenties who looked just like him. She looked so sad and broken and didn't look up once during Nerrah's speech. Nerrah couldn't blame her. Like his allies, Avery was a kind boy, and in a way, Nerrah supposed he was lucky for being the first to die, not having to experience the full horrors of the arena.

Next was Iris. Nerrah read the card word for word, feeling like their was so much more she could say for her spunky ally. Five people stood on Iris's platform. Her father clung to her mother, his eyes full of pain. Iris's older brother and sister stared at her with cold eyes, while a younger brother stared at his shoes. Nerrah couldn't look them in the eyes and focus on the cards. She couldn't even remember their names, though she was sure Iris told her. What kind of ally didn't remember the names of her ally's family?

Nerrah couldn't leave the stage fast enough as she finished reading the cards and was shuffled off to the train. District Four seemed like a welcome reprieve. Nerrah hadn't encountered either of the District Four tributes in the arena, and it had been Marco, not her who had killed the boy in third place.

The weather in Four was as nice as Nerrah expected, with clear skies and a gentle breeze. Despite the fact that their tribute placed third, the atmosphere wasn't as dismal as other districts. With most of their tributes volunteers, perhaps they were more prepared than other districts for the prospect that neither tribute would come home.

Soren Canterall only had two people on his platform. Like other tribute's families, they looked like they wanted to be anywhere else. However, instead of grieving, Nerrah was surprised by how bored the pair looked. Even though her family didn't understand what she had gone through, at least she had a family that supported her. Soren had been so determined to prove his parents wrong, and he had come so close to doing so. It was not enough, though. In the end, Soren was dead, and Nerrah was here.

Tay Faringdale's platform was twice as crowded as Soren's. Two women stood hand in hand, staring straight ahead and not paying Nerrah much attention. A girl around Nerrah's age, maybe a little younger than her, glared at her as though Nerrah had killed her sister, while a girl of about 13 stared at the floor and cried. Nerrah remembered Tay as being one of the more bubbly careers, and she couldn't understand how anyone could be so excited to be taking a life.

Nerrah's nerves returned as she left the sunny skies of District Four behind. District Three was the home of the runner-up, the boy Nerrah had fought in the finale and nearly lost her life to. Nerrah had only encountered Marco Maudsley once in the arena, during the finale, but she remembered him as a strong, quiet boy who stuck to himself. He had laid low during most of the games, only taking out Mav from Eight and Soren from Four.

Nerrah made the mistake of looking up at Marco's platform. Only two women stood there, but what she saw shatters her heart and forces her to look away again, overcome with guilt. The younger woman, who looked very similar to Marco, held the hand of the elderly woman, her tearful eyes filled with anger and pain as she glared at Nerrah. The old woman was not grieving, but she broke Nerrah's heart just the same, looking lost and confused, as though she had no idea where she was and why the young woman beside her was crying. It was because of her that Marco hadn't come home to them, and Nerrah hated herself for stealing Marco away from a family who clearly needed him in their lives.

Moving on to Apple Grey's platform was easier, if only because Nerrah and Apple's paths never crossed in the arena. Apple's platform was overflowing, with most of the family members crying. Two parents clung to each other while a woman in her late twenties or early thirties hugged two young children while a man who looked slightly different than the rest of the family rested a hand on her shoulder. Beside them stood two women slightly older than Apple and a boy who seemed a bit younger than Nerrah. Apple's entire family seemed crushed to have her gone, and how could Nerrah blame them? The athletic, determined girl had made it so far, and Nerrah could only imagine how much it must have hurt Apple's family to lose her so late into the games.

All in all, Nerrah felt relieved to be leaving District Three. The last two districts were careers, which Nerrah hoped would help her separate them from their humanity. Maybe that was hypocritical of her, since she had killed just like they had, but Nerrah didn't care. She was tired, and all she wanted at this point was to go home.

The train weaved through the mountains of District Two before coming to a stop at Nerrah's third-to-last destination. The weather was cloudier here, a sharp contrast to District Four. The people weren't dismal, but seemed almost disinterested. The Hunger Games weren't as exciting in District Two if one of their tributes weren't the one to seize the victory.

Ares Hardy's platform was mostly empty, with a single, stoic-looking couple standing there. The pair were emotionless, and Nerrah couldn't tell whether or not they cared for their son. Nerrah wasn't surprised, as the scowl Ares wore in the picture on his banner matched his personality well. She didn't expect a man as brutal as Ares to be raised by anyone loving. Then again, Nerrah's parents weren't monsters, yet she had done so many unspeakable things in the arena, so maybe it was unfair of her to judge.

The family on Amalissa Blackthorne Vesallius's platform was much warmer than Ares's. Unlike Ares's parents, Ama's cried for her, while hugging a young boy who also had tears running down his cheeks. Nerrah glanced up at Ama's banner and realized how kind the girl looked, especially compared to the other careers. Suddenly, it was harder for Nerrah to separate the girl from Two from the vicious killer she was imaging the careers to be. Ama's family cared deeply, just like Nerrah's own family cared for her. It was a relief to board the train again and be away from their pain.

Nerrah tried to feel some relief as the train pulled into District One, but all she could feel was exhausted and numb. Reading the cards sounded so repetitive now, and Nerrah could only imagine how monotone her voice must have sounded to everyone. Almost done, Nerrah reminded herself. This is the last district you need to do this for.

The people on Zircon Smith's platform couldn't have been more contrasting. The woman, who looked just like Zircon, fought back tears while her husband stood far away, crossing his arms and scowling, but not at Nerrah. Zircon's face was grinning at her, making it hard to remember that he was a career and volunteered for the games.

Bliss Michelson's platform honestly looked sad, with a lone woman standing there. The woman cried for Bliss, and Nerrah imagined she was close to the girl. Based on the confident look in Bliss's eyes on her banner, Nerrah was willing to bet that the woman had believed that Bliss would come home to her. Seventh place was far, but it hadn't been enough to win.

The mayor of One thanked and dismissed before sending her off yet again. As exhausted as Nerrah was, she had no time to rest, as they were in the Capitol before she knew it. So many Capitolites wanted to dance with Nerrah, but she just felt uncomfortable. Why were they treating her like a hero? Nerrah was no hero; Katarina, Iris, so many of the others… they all deserved to live more than Nerrah did. Nerrah received so many congratulations, and she forced a smile through each one. It all felt so fake. Nerrah hated it.

The train ride home couldn't come soon enough. Just like they did when she came home immediately after the games, the people of district six cheered for her as she stepped onto the same stage she stood on six months ago when she was reaped. This time, she only had one family to speak to; Devon's. Devon's father and younger brother stood together. His father looked exhausted, and his brother refused to look at Nerrah as tears streamed down his face. Nerrah couldn't look at them either as she read from her card. Nerrah and Devon hadn't talked much, as Devon was a private person with a dark sense of humor, and Nerrah knew they wouldn't be a good fit for allies. Still though, she had wanted to go to his funeral out of respect, but couldn't bring herself to face his family. She wasn't strong enough.

After her speech, Nerrah sat through a feast that seemed to last hours. Nerrah remembered the food being delicious after Noa won last year, but nothing tasted good to Nerrah at that moment. All she wanted to do was be at home, alone with her thoughts.

Nothing was ever that easy, though. A few minutes after disappearing into her room, Nerrah heard a quiet rapping at the door. Nerrah sighed, expecting it to be her step-mother or her brother.

"Come in."

The person who entered was not Nadine or Quentin, however, but Nerrah's father, Kain.

"Hey," said Kain a bit awkwardly. "Can I sit?"

Nerrah nodded, drawing her knees to her chest as she leaned against a fluffy pillow.

"It's… good to have you home," Kain said slowly. Nerrah loved her father, but he wasn't exactly the most talkative man. Nerrah held no resentment for it, it was always just how he was. At least that was still the same. Everything else felt so different.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately. There's just… a lot to do at the shop… and… well…" Kain trailed off, struggling for words.

"It's okay…"

"You're not though…"

"I'm fine," Nerrah said quickly. More lies. What was new? Nerrah hesitated as her father raised his eyebrow at her. "Okay… maybe not fine. It's just… everyone around me is so strong. Nadine, Quentin, Uncle Balor, Harland, Wade, all of you. You were so strong when Mom abandoned us and when Finn ran away from home. I just… I want to be strong for you, too. I don't want you worried about me."

"I'm your father, Nerrah. Worrying is my job." He paused, letting Nerrah give a small shrug. "You know what I did while you were in the games?"

"What?"

"Tried to be strong for everyone. It…" Kain paused, searching for the right words. "It didn't work well. I held everything in. Then, when you lost your ally -"

"I aband-"

"Sh," Kain said, catching Nerrah off guard because he never interrupted her, let alone shushed her. "Let me speak. When Katarina died and you were… struggling with what happened, I… broke down. In the shop. Balor found me and told me what I'm saying to you now; you don't have to be strong all the time. It's not healthy to hold in everything in all the time. Sometimes you'll be okay, others not… and… that's okay. Understand."

Nerrah stayed quiet for a minute, not used to her father opening up so much. If he could do it, maybe she could, too. "I understand," Nerrah said softly. "Thank you, dad."

"Anytime," Kain said, standing up and resting a hand on his daughter's shoulder. "I love you, and I'm so proud of you. Truly."

Nerrah still found it hard to believe that anyone could be proud of her. Yet… her father wasn't one to spread compliments around willy-nilly, so for him to say something, Nerrah knew he was genuine. And if he was genuine, maybe the rest of the family were, too. "I love you, too."

Kain gave his daughter a small smile before leaving the room. Nerrah leaned back on her bed, thinking of her father's words. Maybe he was right. Maybe she didn't need to be strong for everyone all the time. As much as she hated, maybe it was okay to be vulnerable at times. Her family seemed to truly love her and support her. Perhaps, she was wrong close them off. Maybe, she needed to let her walls down and let her family in. It would take some getting used to, but Nerrah could do it.

After all, she was a Salvatore, and Salvatores were anything but weak.