Satori (Between the Lines)
Chapter 19

Sakura stares ahead at the covered head in front of her, considering her options. Ibiki's hold on her legs, though it doesn't hurt, is tight; tighter than usual. Usually, she would go about soothing a person by petting their hair; she's done it with her parents and with Anko in the past.

However, Ibiki distinctly lacks hair. It's quite a conundrum.

Sakura is distantly aware that she's focusing on minutiae; things that definitely do not matter in the grand scheme of things. But Sakura is powerless to her home's intruder, whoever it was. This though, comforting people? She can influence that, at least in some small way.

So, she wraps her arms around Ibiki's neck lightly, nestling her head into the crook of his shoulder.

"I'm fine, Ibiki," Sakura says softly. "No one hurt me."

"This time," Ibiki replies, voice flat. Sakura can barely hear it over the wind as Ibiki runs, but she hears it all the same. "What about next time?"

Sakura swallows, repressing the urge to shiver. Ibiki runs on in silence for a few moments as Sakura tries to come up with a response. She cannot.

"Shikaku set you up to fail," Ibiki says.

Sakura blinks at the nonsequitur. "What?"

"Shikaku did this to you." There's an edge in his voice now and the hairs at the back of Sakura's neck prickle in response. "He brought you in under his wing for his own means; took you into his home and gave you an official title with all the paperwork that follows. And that paperwork made its way up through the upper echelons of Konoha's shinobi, passing beneath so many eyes. It was one thing when it was just insular to the Intelligence Division; Shikaku just had to go and get that paperwork seen by the Hokage and the multiple Councils. And that papertrail traces right back to you."

"Ibiki," Sakura says, patting his chest.

"You're in such a precarious position Sakura. Hell, you already know that. A first generation Academy student who excels at the academics and has the official commendation of the Jonin Commander. And then Shikaku left you high and dry, just after getting all eyes focused on you. I'm surprised this hasn't already escalated further." Ibiki's voice is rising, his speed increasing. "What the hell was he thinking?"

"Ibiki, I made the choice to break off the apprenticeship," Sakura replies. "I...well, I'll admit I didn't know the consequences at the time, but I wouldn't change the decision. The situation was tumultuous and would've only worsened...Besides, I'm officially apprenticed to Jiraiya-sama. If even that can't protect me, I doubt Shikaku-san could either."

There's silence again. Sakura just leans into Ibiki, hoping that she's offering him some sort of meager comfort.

They're on the outskirts of Konoha now, the thickets overgrown and wild. They're supposed to be heading to the Yamanaka compound, which is in the opposite direction of wherever they're going. Sakura doesn't comment on it, understanding that Ibiki needs to keep moving.

"It's my fault," Ibiki mutters.

"What?" Sakura asks, appalled. "Ibiki, why would you say that?"

Ibiki's formerly smooth movements jerk to a stop as he shifts her around so that she's cradled in a single huge arm. Sakura stares up into Ibiki's face, catching the way the downward pull to his brows and mouth tug on his scars. Sakura's seen this look before; it's the look that Shikamaru often directed her way.

Guilt.

"Ibiki," Sakura pleads. "Why did you say that?"

Ibiki doesn't meet her gaze. "You only got involved in this whole mess because of me. I introduced you to Shikaku. I pushed the two of you together; hell, I encouraged Shikaku to take you on as an apprentice. Everything that's happened since is on me."

Sakura shakes her head vehemently. "That isn't true. None of this is your fault."

"It is," Ibiki replies. "The only reason you were brought into the scope of Konoha's elite at large is because of me. If I'd let you be-wasn't so damn reckless-you would have completed your Academy field experience assignment without issue and moved on. You wouldn't have dealt with harassment from Shikamaru, the fallout with the Nara clan, or this home invasion. That is on me and you can't deny it. I catalyzed this whole thing."

Sakura purses her lips, mulling over his words. She can hear the pain in his voice and see the tightness in his eyes. No matter what she says, she knows he truly believes the words he speaks.

"Maybe so," Sakura replies. "Maybe you're the reason everything has happened." Sakura can feel the way his muscles of his arm tense beneath her. "Ibiki, I'm so grateful to you. You're the one who introduced me to this all, gave me an opportunity. You opened my world, Ibiki.

"I only had one friend. And she is a great friend, a best friend. But my world was limited," Sakura says, grabbing onto Ibiki's free hand. "It was...insular. When you burst into that small room, yelling for that document, you changed my life. You introduced me to my first mentor; you allowed me to draw close to you and the rest of the Intelligence Division; you gave me chances and opportunities I never would've dreamed of if not for you. Do you know how crazy it is for a civilian-born shinobi to get these opportunities? And before I even graduate? That's all thanks to you."

Sakura's eyes soften even further as she squeezes Ibiki's hand. She smiles when he squeezes in turn. "More than the opportunities though, you gave me people. I met Shikaku-san and Anko and you and Jiraiya-sama. I became friends with Torune and Shino and Naruto. My world has grown by leaps and bounds with every person I have gotten to meet because of the decision that you made.

"Have there been rough times? Absolutely," Sakura says. "I won't try to deny it. I experienced bullying on a whole new scale. I felt powerless for the first time in my life." She swallows as Ibiki draws her closer like he can shield her from the past. She isn't used to such direct affection from Ibiki and it's nearly as overwhelming as it is comforting. Sakura takes a deep, bracing breath. "And yes, my home was just broken into by an unknown assailant. There's definitely been bad things that've happened because of the shift in my field experience assignment.

"But Ibiki, there's been so much good that's come of it. It far outstrips the bad," Sakura continues, voice almost cracking. "Looking back at all that's happened, the good, the bad, and the ugly, I would do it all over again. Even the terrible, scary parts. Because it gives me the chance for amazing, thrilling, extraordinary. It gave me you. I don't regret a moment of it. And I won't regret it down the line. So, Ibiki, thank you for coming into the sorting room that day. You changed my life."

Sakura is watching Ibiki's expression intently so she's able to catch the way his lip trembles for just a moment before firming. That's all she's able to see as he draws her in close, embracing her.

Sakura throws her arms around him in turn. She doesn't mention the way she can feel his shoulders shake or the dampness on her shoulder. Instead, she just holds him as tightly and fiercely as she can, hoping to impart even a portion of the comfort he offers her.

Sakura knows that things are going to be different; there's no helping that. But as she soaks in Ibiki's warmth, Sakura thinks that some change is good.

It's the only way to survive.

The moment Sakura gets on the premises of the Yamanaka compound, Ino absconds with her. They make their way across the mosaic tiles, this time done up in the swirls of blues and grays associated with icy slush storms. They weave through the large plants that the Yamanaka breed for their poisons and teas (often mischievously interwoven with each other, to warn off less knowledgeable outsiders) and duck into the aerial roots of the bay fig tree on the Yamanaka property.

It's their usual hideout and it's littered with various knick-knacks that have accumulated over the years of friendship. Sakura skirts around a clumsily woven basket where they keep their snacks.

Ino finally releases her hand, turning to wrap her arms fully around Sakura. "What happened?" Ino asks, an uncharacteristic quiver in her voice. "Are you alright?"

"I'm okay," Sakura replies, rubbing soothing circles into Ino's back. "I'm okay."

Ino pulls away, eyes flitting over Sakura with precise movements. The intensity in her pupil-less eyes could come across as eerie, but Sakura is well-used to the Yamanaka characteristics.

Sakura assesses Ino in turn, taking in her pale pallor and the rapid rise and fall of her chest.

"Anko came by and told my parents," Ino says. "I wasn't supposed to hear, but Anko's voice carries. What happened, Sakura?"

Sakura explains what happened as Ino's expressions run the full gamut of emotions: fear, disgust, surprise, before settling into anger. Two red splotches settle high on Ino's cheeks.

"Are you kidding me?" Ino asks. She paces, hands clenching and unclenching. "We've taken so many countermeasures. Your association with the Yamanaka and Aburame is solidified and public knowledge to the shinobi of Konoha. You have an official apprenticeship with Jiraiya. He's a Sannin! Who would still go out of their way to target you?"

"I'm still a first generation ninja," Sakura reminds Ino gently. "My association with the shinobi clans could be seen as lucrative. Whoever it is seems to just be monitoring me right now; they haven't taken anything. And I don't keep any ciphers at home." Sakura is so thankful for her paranoia; she gets rid of anything she writes on.

"It isn't right," Ino says, her face set with a stubborn resoluteness.

"No, it isn't," Sakura replies. "But it's what we have."

"We're doing so much to prevent it though!" Ino says, hands petting through her hair in an attempt to calm down. It doesn't work. "What are we going to do?"

"I'm not sure," Sakura says with a heavy heart. "Anko and Ibiki are speaking with your parents and Shibi-oji. I'm sure they'll tell Jiraiya-sama too. They'll develop a plan of action."

"I just feel so powerless," Ino replies, turning to Sakura. Her eyes are a storm, clouded with fear and regret. "What can I do to help you?"

Sakura takes a seat against one of the roots, pressing her back into the rough bark. She shuts her eyes. "I'm not sure. For now, could you just stay with me Gladiolus?"

"Of course, Borage," Ino says immediately, sidling up beside Sakura. Her heat and weight bolsters Sakura, keeps her grounded in the moment rather than ruminating on the uncertain future. "Of course."

Sakura situates herself at her favorite seat in the library, the one that's beside a large bay window and looks out over a small somewhat sad garden. She's technically unattended at the moment, though the curl of one of Anko's snakes around her ankle beneath her boot is comforting. She's in a semi-public setting, one with tons of seals in place to protect the books. The secondary aim is the protection of patrons, which Sakura is appreciative of.

She isn't sure what she would do if her access to the library was cut off.

It's always been a refuge for her, much like the trees of Konoha, even before she had any friendships with people. Books were a safe haven, an oasis from the pain of isolation. The library was one of the few places she could go and not have to shoulder the responsibility of being of the Haruno clan. And now? It was even better. She could get lost in the fantasy while also serving her career in some fashion.

So, Sakura delves into a book on the origins of the shinobi nations, allowing Anko's tiny garden snake, Midori, to slither up to perch beneath the collar of Sakura's shirt to read alongside her. They spend a good hour this way, Sakura losing herself in the pages of the history.

Sakura only comes back to herself when Midori tightens around her neck, vibrating with a low, sibilant hiss.

"Hi," an exuberant voice greets.

Sakura looks up, unstartled thanks to Midori's warning. A young girl, a few years older than Sakura herself, stands in front of her, tall and gangly with light blonde hair that hangs shaggy around her face. Her dark eyes are somewhat obscured by her thick glasses.

"Yes?" Sakura replies politely, untucking her legs from beneath her.

"I'm Shiho," the girl introduces. "I've started working with Nara-san."

Sakura's eyes go wide. "Right!" she says, offering her a smile. "You're his apprentice."

Shiho rocks on the balls of her feet as silence stretches between them, biting her lip. "I've heard a lot about you."

Sakura blinks. She parted on rather poor terms with the Naras. "Really? What sort of things?"

"Just that you're a natural at code breaking," Shiho replies. "Nara-san constantly comments on how impressed he is with our generation, that there are people as young as us who have such skill with ciphers. He mentioned that he's developed the full curriculum that we use from working with you."

"Does he have you reading books on the linguistic history of all the different nations?"

Shiho snorts. "He does. The worst one is the one we're on right now, it's ancient and from-"

"-the Village of Frost!" they say together.

Sakura and Shiho stare at each other for a moment, blankly. Then, they begin to laugh, doubling over.

"In all seriousness, it's been great," Shiho says. "I've learned so much from Nara-san in such a short amount of time. I had no idea there was such knowledge available." Her eyes sparkle, making Sakura wonder if she looks like that if she looked into the mirror during one of her own cipher rants. "And it's all here at my fingertips, just waiting for me to unlock it and decipher its many secrets."

Sakura grins. "I'm glad to hear it." She pauses, swallowing. Midori rubs against the side of Sakura's neck, bolstering her. "Is...how has Shikamaru handled it?"

"S-Shikamaru?" Shiho's face heats, her cheeks flushed deeply. For the first time, her brazen confidence falters. "He's...he's been great. Fantastic really. I see him on occasion. He'll stop by his father's office and sometimes I talk to him in the halls of the Academy. He's quite smart, for all that he hides it."

"He is," Sakura agrees as neutrally as possible.

"He comes by sometimes and plays shoji with Nara-san," Shiho continues, bringing a hand to her hot cheek. "It's always when I'm on my way out, but we make small talk sometimes. He's such a deep thinker; frankly, it's a shame he chooses to act out a lazy persona."

Sakura restrains herself from probing further into her relationship with the Naras, trying to see if it is at all similar to her own, contentious one. From Shiho's words, it seems unlikely. Shikaku has apparently learned from his past mistakes; he hasn't set up his protege as a direct opponent of his son. At the same time, stricter boundaries seem to have been implemented; no visits to the Nara compound, no dinners with the full family, and no board games with Shikamaru.

It's different from Sakura's apprenticeship.

It's more professional between Shiho and Shikaku. It's certainly healthier, something that's sustainable.

Sakura feels...strange. Melancholic maybe? Lonesome?

From the very beginning of her apprenticeship with Shikaku, there was an expiration date. One that Sakura was blissfully unaware of, but one that Shikaku consigned her to by situating her to be Shikamaru's rival. It pains Sakura, to know that she was worth so little to Shikaku; that she was mere goods useful for bartering in galvanizing his son to aspire higher in life.

Sakura's relationship with Shikaku was always transactional in nature from his end. Sakura was fine with transactional relationships, the Haruno clan engaged in many with artisans, diplomats, guildsmen, and other merchants. But it was a betrayal because Sakura wasn't aware of the transactional nature of their apprenticeship; she was naive and trusting.

And she was badly burned in turn, left with the shiny skin of scars in the wake of the damage Shikamaru and his parents wrought.

Sakura was glad that Shikaku was doing better, being better with his students. But the pain of being raked over the coals by an adult, an adult she trusted, had yet to fade into her distant memory. Sakura still remembered the good times-the rush of new understanding, the joy of one-on-one mentorship, the thrill of breaking a brand new code and Shikaku's approval. But the sting of the bad keeps her shying away from those memories.

Here, staring into the face of the outcome of the bad, Sakura thinks it will all be alright. Right now, it is not. But that's okay. She's healing.

And, meeting Shiho's eager gaze, Sakura thinks Shikaku is healing too.

She certainly hopes he is.

They've both received a second chance here. She isn't wasting hers. And, based on Shiho's excited ramblings, she thinks Shikaku isn't either.

It hurts still, knowing their first chance was squandered on the recklessness of Shikaku's gambit.

Midori murrs against Sakura's throat and she glances around, catching sight of the clock across the room. She bolts to her feet, excusing herself from Shiho. Sakura, despite her rush, places the books into her bag with utmost care.

She heads for the door, her heart lifting. It's time for another meeting with Jiraiya and Sakura is excited to see whatever he has prepared for the day. It's always something unexpected and novel.

Sakura's footsteps stutter for a moment as she realizes something. She never looked forward to her meetings with Shikaku in this way. Maybe the first one or two, but it was quickly clouded by anxiety and fear from the constant tightrope she walked around the Nara family. It wasn't healthy.

But now?

Now, Sakura runs toward the Intelligence Division, a wide grin on her face.