Emily walked straight to the Hastings kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. She needed to get the mental image of Alison kissing Lorenzo out of her head.

When she walked outside a few moments ago, she didn't expect anyone to be in the barn, much less Alison. Her original plan was to get a few moments alone in the Hastings barn before she decided how she was going to approach her relationship with Victoria.

Since Emily had seen Alison kiss Lorenzo on the cheek, the rest of her night was a blur. She tried to stay present with her friends but her mind wouldn't stop running with Alison. When she wasn't thinking about Alison, she was thinking about how awful she felt towards Victoria.

Emily and Victoria worked hard on their relationship. It was difficult for Victoria to trust Emily again, but she loved Emily so deeply that Victoria wanted to give her another chance. So she did.

Emily wanted to fall in love with Victoria. She wanted to be as crazy about her girlfriend as she knew Victoria was about her. But it seemed like no matter how hard Emily tried, she couldn't get there.

Emily didn't question if she loved Victoria, because she knew there was no doubt that she did. But every time Emily looked at Alison, every single time she saw the blonde, Emily just knew. All of her life, Emily heard the saying 'if you know, you know,' and with Alison, she knew.

Alison made her feel on fire. She excited her while calming her at the same time. She felt like home and vacation wrapped into a perfect package. Alison made her heart race and still all in the same moment and Emily couldn't explain it any more than that. Alison made her feel so much by even doing nothing at all. Emily had never fallen out of love with Alison, and there was something about seeing her with someone else tonight that confirmed every theory.

The brunette took a big sip of her wine. She couldn't believe Lorenzo, out of all people, was the one who Alison ended up with tonight. Lorenzo. A guy who had been drooling over Alison for almost a decade. The guy basically worships her like a religion. It was pathetic.

Emily rolled her eyes. She knew jealously wasn't a good look on her.

Emily was so lost in thought that she hadn't even noticed the she wasn't the only one standing in the kitchen now.

"Hey."

She looked up to see blue eyes and blonde hair and damn why couldn't it have been Hanna instead?

"Hey," Emily replied.

Alison grabbed a wine glass, "mind if I have some?"

Emily passed Alison the bottle across the counter, "go for it."

She watched Alison pour herself a glass of wine and take a sip. An uncomfortable silence fell between the two. Neither one knew who should speak first. Neither one wanted to look desperate or say the wrong thing.

Emily almost hated herself her how weak Alison made her feel. Just being in front of the woman made the nerves in her body come alive. One look from her ocean eyes could have Emily back in 9th grade, starring into Alison's eyes as the blonde lost herself talking about gossip she heard about the seniors. One smile could have Emily back to sixteen, in love with the way Alison's dimples popped out of her cheeks when she and Emily laughed in her car one warm Saturday afternoon. And sometimes just the smell of Alison alone could throw Emily back to twenty, the two wrapped up in Alison's bed sheets with the blonde kissing Emily until they fell asleep together.

If Emily didn't hate herself before, she definitely hated herself now. How could she have possibly let this woman go? She was such an idiot. She was still absolutely in love with Alison DiLaurentis.

"I don't want things to be weird with us."

Emily broke out of her thoughts once she heard Alison's voice.

"I know that we have had a rough few years but I'm glad that you're here, and I'm glad that I'm here. I'm thankful that we have the friendships with our friends that we do. We both deserve to be happy. I really hope that you're happy, Em."

Just hearing the blonde call her by her nickname almost brought tears back to her eyes. She was so doomed with the woman in front of her. She wanted to open to Alison in that exact moment and apologize to her until she ran out of air. She wanted to take Alison's hand and tell her how in love with her she was. How in love she's been all this time but she settled for a safety net in Victoria.

But then Emily was reminded of what happened a few moments ago in Spencer's barn when Lorenzo walked into the house to say his goodbyes.

"I guess I know why he decided to stay longer than he intentioned," Emily scoffed.

There it was again. Jealously reeking through her pores. She tried so hard to tell herself this wasn't fair of her to be jealous. She had a girlfriend and Alison was a single woman who she let go years ago but Alison always made her throw logic out of the window. Logic was a joke given by emotions when it came to Alison.

"What?" Alison replied.

"Nothing," Emily mumbled.

Lorenzo awkwardly approached Alison while his eyes were on Emily. Emily could sense that Lorenzo wasn't comfortable. She guessed it was more than likely because he had just spent the last quarter hour making out with her ex and Emily knew he probably didn't fancy Alison being around of her ex, alone, so shortly after. Emily almost snarked. Clearly Alison had a thing for the tan skinned, dark featured, jealous type.

"I'm heading out, but I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

Alison smiled, and Emily was completely aware how the smile didn't match her eyes. "Yeah, of course. I'm glad you came. It was really good to see you."

"You too, Ali."

Lorenzo wrapped his arms around Alison and started to lean down to kiss her when he remembered they weren't the only ones in the room. Particularly, Alison's ex.

Lorenzo parted with Alison and tossed Emily a half smile on his way out. When the door shut behind of him, Emily couldn't stop herself.

"Seriously, Ali, Lorenzo?"

The blondes demeanor changed, "excuse me?"

Emily could feel herself turn green. She was bitter. The words just rolled off of her tongue like venom.

"You could do so much better than a guy who has been chasing you for almost a full decade."

She saw anger flash in blue eyes. She saw her lips press in a hard line. Emily knew she had just over stepped. She knew whatever conversation they were about to have was going to be a defining one.

"Outside. Now."

Emily slipped a snark. "To the barn? Where you just defiled a couch with Lorenzo? No, thanks."

She wasn't stepping foot in that barn after what she witnessed. It already hurt her once. She didn't plan on adding insult to injury by returning to the scene of the offense.

"Upstairs, Emily," Alison snapped.

The blonde led the brunette to the second floor and Emily thought it was comical how this was the second time tonight a fiery blonde had demanded Emily follow her upstairs.

When the two passed their friends in the living room, Spencer and Hanna gave Emily startled looks but Emily didn't have much to give back. She was too distracted by a pissed off ex-lover.

Alison guided Emily into the study and shut the French doors behind of her. "So are you spying on me now?"

"No, I'm not spying on you. It was a mistake that I even came across of you. Don't be so vain."

"Me? Being vain? You just had the audacity to give me unsolicited dating advice. You, of all people. You have nerve."

"What does that supposed to mean?"

"Don't be naive."

"No, Alison, tell me."

Alison turned her back to Emily. She need a moment to breathe. She was becoming too riled up. Emily was bringing back old feelings of anger and heartbreak. Alison had worked so hard to forgive and forget and now being in this room with Emily looking back at her, she realized forgetting never happened.

She kept her back to Emily as she looked out the oversized window. "I'm not doing this with you. I don't want to fight with you."

"Why? Did you spend too much of your energy on Lorenzo tonight?"

Alison turned to face Emily with flaming blue eyes. Emily almost took a step back because she didn't remember the last time she had seen Alison this mad. She actually doesn't remember ever seeing the blonde this angry.

"You don't get to do that. How dare you Emily. Who the hell do you think that you are?"

Alison took a step towards Emily across of the room. "You left me four years ago. A year ago you left me again. That's all you do to me. You just leave. So do me a favor and leave me the hell alone one last time."

Alison started to walk by Emily to leave the room and the brunette grabbed her hand, "Ali, wait, no, please."

Tears fell down Emily's cheeks as she gripped Alison's hand in hers. "Please don't go."

Alison didn't understand what had happened. One minute Emily was ice, delivering blows and the next she was crying, pleading for her to stay.

"I'm in love with you."

Alison's mouth parted in shock. She like a whirlwind of emotions. Angry, confused, upset, love. She didn't know which was the front runner.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I was stupid, so many times. Letting you go has been the biggest regret of my life. I know that I don't deserve you. I know that I've messed up too much, that I've hurt you too much, but I can't look at you and not tell you. I can't keep pretending like I'm not in love with you, Ali, because I am. I'm so in love with you. It's always been you. I'm so sorry."

Alison dropped Emily's hand. This was all too much. She couldn't process her thoughts clearly. Her emotions were running at an all time, unrestrained, high. The last year and three months, Alison decided to move on. She decided to officially end the chapter in her life that was Emily Fields and move forward to a chapter of self love. So when Emily stood in front of her with wet eyes, professing her love to Alison, it was conflicting. It felt like a battle between her head and her heart. Between right and wrong. Between self respect or complete idiocy.

"You don't get to do this," Alison said as she took a step back from Emily.

"I know, I'm sorry," Emily cried.

"No, Emily, you're not sorry. You are selfish. You can't treat me like you have the past few years and then tell me you actually loved me the entire time? That you're in love with me? How could you possibly be in love with me after all you've done?"

Emily chest tightened. Even though she knew this could've happened, she didn't want things to go this way with Alison. She knew Alison's reaction was warranted. Emily had fucked up too much. She had let Alison go for too long.

"In Bora Bora, that was it for me. The night we hooked up, I thought that was going to be the beginning of our second chance. I actually believed we were going to be together. I knew things with Jackson and Victoria still needed to be dealt with but I just remember thinking that everything would be okay because I finally have you again. The love of my life."

Alison wiped a tear from her cheek, "but it didn't happen that way, did it?"

"Ali—,"

"No, Emily, I don't need to hear—,"

"Yes you do. I didn't stop you then. I didn't interrupt you then in Bora Bora on one of the worst nights of my life when you got on that damn plane and left without saying goodbye to me. I know that I made a mistake in Bora Bora. I know that I hurt you. The night Victoria came, I should have broken up with her—,"

"But you didn't."

"Alison, I know you have to get the last word in but, I swear to God, please let me finish."

Alison dramatically sighed and was visibly frustrated which would have made Emily smile at her how sassy Alison could be if they weren't on a heavy subject.

"I broke up with Victoria. I tried to tell you that night but you were so upset with me for already interrupting you once and you told me not to again, so I didn't. I had upset you enough, I didn't want you upset you any more than I already had. I broke up with Victoria in Bora Bora, Alison. I was just too stupid to not piss you off one more time by interrupting you."

Dizziness hit Alison like a train. She leaned against a large wooden desk. She had no idea that Emily had broken things off with Victoria. If she had known, she would have stayed in Bora Bora. She never would've packed her things and left in the middle of the night.

"You told me that night that Victoria was enough to make me stay. That's what I needed, someone to make me stay, right?"

Alison remembered her words. She remembered feeling like she was never good enough to keep Emily. Always good enough to attract, never good enough to maintain.

"You were right. She was enough to make me stay. Victoria is a good person. Maybe one the best person I've ever known. She's genuine, she's kind to every one she meets. She loves me so much and I.. I wanted to stay. I was safe with her. It was easy with her. I stayed because she was enough, but Ali, you.. you have stayed on my mind for years. You have stayed in my heart since I was fifteen. You have stayed with me every single day since I left your apartment that night in LA."

Emily took a step towards Alison and when the blonde didn't flinch, she took three more until she was able to reach out and grab Alison's hand.

"I am sorry for leaving you that night. I am sorry for Bora Bora. I'm so sorry for all of it. I should have fought for you. I should have fought for us. I know I'll never be able to say the perfect thing to make this better, but I do want you to know that I've never regretted anything like I regret hurting you or letting you go. The only thing that I could ever regret more and not telling you now that I'm sorry, I'm completely in love with you, and I want you so badly I can feel it in my bones."

Alison looked at her hand in Emily's. She didn't know how to process any of this. It was overwhelming. She could feel her heart slamming in her chest and her lungs struggling to breathe. She couldn't remember the last time she was speechless.

"I don't know what you want me to say," Alison said after a few moments.

An unrecognizable smile formed on Emily's lips. Alison couldn't tell if it was sad or hopeful. Maybe both.

"You don't have to say anything."

Alison retracted her hand from Emily's again. "You don't get to have me on your terms."

Emily frowned, "I understand."

"Do you?"

"Yes, I do."

"So why tell me this now? Because you don't want anyone else to have me? Because you saw me with Lorenzo?"

"Because I'm not afraid anymore."

Emily knew what she had to do. She made her way across the room. With one hand on the door, she looked at Alison. "I may be too late, and if I am, I understand. I'll accept it at some point. But I'm not losing you without trying. I don't want comfortable, I want you. I'm in love with you, Ali. I'm absolutely crazy about you."

Emily opened the door to leave, but before she was completely out of the study, she turned to face Alison one more time.

"And you're right, I don't want you with anyone else. Lorenzo's a nice guy, but good luck to him because I'm not losing you without a fight."