Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.

"You shouldn't be here," Cragen ran a dry and weathered hand down his face and coughed once. "Kathy's in holding, a few doors away, and if you see her…"

"I don't give a fucking fuck if the Pope and Jesus are out there sitting on my desk," Elliot fumed as he paced back and forth in his captain's office. "Who the hell is that?" He pointed at the photo he had slammed down onto Cragen's desk a moment ago. "You need to tell me who he is, because…"

"That is Joe Costello, high rank out of the Thirty-Ninth," Cragen said, his eyes narrow and concerned. "Retired six years ago, now why the hell was this so important that you had to…"

"Cap," Elliot stopped pacing and slapped both of his hands down on Cragen's desk, staring at the older man with pained eyes and a wicked scowl on his face. "Put his picture in the stack you show Serena."

Cragen let out a disbelieving laugh and leaned back in his cushioned chair. He folded his arms, wrinkling his stiff cotton shirt, and he shook his head. "You hit your head again?"

"I can't explain it, okay? But seeing his face…" Elliot licked his lips and took a breath. "I was walking up the stairs at my mother's house, something about him caught my eye, and I swear on my life...on the life of my child...he's been following us. Me and Liv, I mean." He sniffed the stale office air and made a face as he fished around in his pocket for his wallet. He flipped through his photos, past school pictures of his kids, and then tapped one before holding it out to Cragen. "You still think I'm making this up?"

Cragen took the wallet, rolling his eyes, and he expected to shrug it off, expected to see another police event that Costello would have had every reason to attend, but his eyes slit as he saw the photo. His finger ran over Olivia's smiling face as he asked, "Where was this taken?" He looked up at Elliot. "When?"

"Two years ago," Elliot replied. "Maureen's birthday party, at the zoo, so tell me, why the hell was he there?" He ran his hands through his hair as he shouted, "I don't know why I am just fucking realizing this, maybe it is because I took a few whacks to the head, okay? But, shit, he is lurking in the background of a million pictures…" he licked his lips one more time, crossed his arms, and lowered his voice. "I think it's him. I think that's her father."

Cragen had to admit, the fear and conviction in Elliot's eyes were genuine and absolute. "All right, son," he said, picking up the receiver of his office phone. "I will have HR send up his rookie shot, I'll add it to the stack when I talk to Liv's mom, tomorrow." He dropped the receiver to his shoulder and softened his harsh gaze. "Go home, get some sleep." He nodded once at him and then indicated the phone in his hand. "I'll take care of this."

Elliot nodded back, turned and left Cragen's office, but he had no intention of going home. He ignored the people who tried to say hi to him, he breezed right by younger officers attempting to meet him. He turned quickly and punched open the stairwell door, immediately speeding up the steps, leaving nothing but a blur of blue and grey in his wake. There was something he needed to do. It was something he didn't trust Cragen to handle at all, something he had to take care of himself, and he saw it through.

An hour and a half later, he walked through the door of his house in Queens. He closed it almost silently, took a heaving breath, and looked around the living room as he pulled off his coat. He hung it on the rack as he stepped further into the space, something about it feeling unfamiliar and too comfortable at once. He narrowed his eyes as he focused his sight on a photo on the wall, and he ran toward it with a determined gait.

He grabbed the frame and pulled it off of the hook, flipped it over, and smiled. He ran a hand down the writing on the back panel, Olivia's swirly script.

"What are you doing?" Her voice broke into his thoughts, though his thoughts were only about her. She pulled her robe tighter around her as she walked closer to him. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Do you remember this?" He held up the frame, back facing her, his goofy grin still firmly set on his face.

As she took a few more steps toward him, she tilted her head. "Yeah," she whispered, barely recalling the day he asked her to write the note on the cardboard panel. "What even made you think about…"

"I was at the station," he told her. "I had to talk to Cragen, and then I got caught up in

TARU talking to Kennedy about something...something important...and he said...almost this exact thing. I remembered the day we took this picture, it started raining, and you told me your mother always used to tell you that when it rained, an angel was crying. She used to tell you…"

"Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water," she quoted, remembering that exact moment. She nodded and wrapped her hand around his, holding the frame with him. "It's how she taught me that it was okay to cry." Her eyes popped open wider and she looked at him. "Why would Kennedy tell you that? Were you crying?"

He shook his head and kissed her softly. "No, no, I just…" he stopped talking and pressed his lips to her forehead. "We were just talking." He took the frame out of her hands and moved to rehang it, and he spent a moment looking at the picture: a self-timed photo of the two of them dancing in the rain after getting caught in a shower in the middle of a case. It had been a much-needed break from the gruesome situation, and one that, as he recalled, had been quite romantic.

Olivia combed through her hair with her fingers and asked, "Are you okay?"

Again, he nodded, and he surprised her by swooping her up into his arms. He carried her up the stairs and into the bedroom, and as he lay her on the bed, he whispered, "You know I'm never going to be the reason you cry, don't you?" He kissed her softly as he pulled on the tie of her robe. "Never," he repeated, the sound landing on her lips. He quickly peeled off his clothes, never tearing his lips away from hers for a moment.

"Baby, I know," she said against his lips. She pulled herself away from him and looked into his eyes. "You have a headache, don't you?"

He bit his lip and nodded, reached over her to turn off the light on the bedside table, and wrapped himself around her. He pulled the covers over them, kissed her again, and whispered, "I love you." Dragging one hand down to her slightly swelling belly, he said, "Both of you."

"I love you, too," she replied softly, and in an instant, sleep won them over.

The alarm blared them into consciousness far too soon, and what had become their routine began just as instantly. They took a quick, hot shower together, got dressed in coordinating suits, and Olivia made and packed lunches while Elliot made and served breakfast.

"Nate," Elliot garbled with a mouthful of toast, "Don't run any lights, I can't get you out of any more tickets."

Nathan rolled his eyes. "No promises, other than I'll get the little whippersnappers to school alive and on time." He patted his brother on the back, kissed Olivia on the cheek, and said, "You two...come home in one piece, hear me?"

Olivia nodded at him as she and Elliot took turns kissing all of the kids goodbye.

There was something about the way he drove toward the station, a wave of anger in his eyes that gave her pause. She waited in silence until he got them over the bridge, but then she had to ask him. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Fine," he said to her, and he shifted in his seat a bit. "Just a little tense. I know last night...I had a headache, but this morning...we usually get to…"

"El," she chuckled, "Trust me, you're not the only one feeling a bit of frustration right now." She rubbed her stomach and said, "This baby isn't just making me crave ice cream and tacos, you know."

He laughed and blew her a kiss. "Nate's taking the kids to the movies, tonight, so, uh, we'll have a couple of hours to ourselves." He wagged his brows, and as he pulled the car into his parking spot at the station, he said, "I am going to blow your mind, Benson." He parked and shot her a smoky look.

"Oh, really?" she raised an eyebrow as she unhooked her seatbelt. "That a promise or a threat, Stabler?"

"Both," he growled, and he leaned over the console, pulled her closer to him, and kissed her deeply. He sighed, then, keeping his head pressed to hers. "You know, baby, once they bring your mother down here, we have to…"

"Clock out, I know," she nodded, rubbing against him. "I'm not leaving her alone, El. I can't."

"I already cleared it with Cragen," he told her as he opened the car door. "We can stay in the lounge, but as far as the investigation goes…" he shrugged and hit the button on the fob, locking the car and setting the alarm. "We're hands-off."

"Yeah," she shoved her hands in her pockets and walked with him into the building.

They nodded politely at the people they passed, rode the elevator up huddled together in comfortable silence, and just before they stepped out of it, he kissed her slowly. He winked at her before saying, "I'll be right back," and he headed right for Cragen's office. He knocked but didn't wait for permission before opening the door.

"Have you lost your…" Cragen stopped yelling when he saw the look on Elliot's face. "What happened?" His stomach lurched, and he prayed that what was running through his head was wrong. He couldn't take Elliot remembering anything now, not when Olivia and her child were at stake. "Elliot, talk to me."

"When is she…" Elliot paused and cleared his throat. "My mother-in-law, uh, when did you tell her to be here?"

"Four-thirty," Cragen answered. "You and Liv either need to go home or…"

"We're staying upstairs," he affirmed. "Off duty, but still...we can't just leave her down here alone, knowing this is the one thing that could drive her to drink." He shook his head and said, "I promised Liv a long time ago, I would do everything in my power to keep her mother sober, and damn it, with the new baby…" he sat down and looked at Cragen with tears in his eyes. "This is her chance to get it right from the beginning. This time, she won't get trashed and sing 'Happy Birthday' in Swedish, or get up and give a toast that's more insulting than anything else." He licked his lips and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "One year, she, uh...she sent Kathleen a bottle of vodka for her birthday. I would rather we all forget that than relive it. Things have been...really good for us."

Cragen held back the confusion, the wonder and questions of validity, but he sighed and leaned forward. "I did what you asked, kid. Costello's picture is in the pile, but I'm pretty sure she's not going to pick him out of the…"

"I'm pretty sure she will," Elliot interrupted. He dropped his head into his hand and exhaled, his right knee bouncing nervously.

Cragen sat up then, straight and stunned. He knew there was something hidden in Elliot's expression. "What aren't you telling me?"

Elliot looked over his shoulder, peeking through the small window of Cragen's door to see Olivia lost in conversation with Munch and Fin. "Last night, um, I asked someone upstairs to run Costello's name through the system," he confessed, and his left hand swiped over his forehead as he let out an almost self-effacing laugh as he said, "And when nothing came up I asked him to...look a little harder." He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a folded, stapled packet of papers. "I shouldn't have read this, I know that, but Cap…" he sniffled, now letting himself break, letting himself cry the way Kennedy had told him to do the night before, "Did you know, uh, Costello isn't even his real name?"

"Elliot," Cragen's voice was low, almost admonishing. "What the hell gave you the right…"

"He changed it after his mom got remarried," Elliot continued, ignoring Cragen's annoyance. "His stepfather had connections and could pull strings for him, get him into the police academy because when he applied the first time, he was turned down. The first time, he used his real name, and he was disqualified because he had a record." He turned his eyes sharply toward Cragen. "Two counts of assault, one attempted rape, and he was a suspect in three others," he said, and he wiped his eyes. "This son of a bitch changed his name and had someone in his fucking stepfather's circle of friends…"

"What was his name, Elliot?" Cragen asked, his eyes closing. He knew. In the pit of his stomach, he had a feeling he knew.

Elliot sniffled and dragged his wrist over his eyes as he threw the papers at Cragen. "His name was Joseph Hollister," he said. "Before he bought his way into the police academy, he worked for a wholesale food supply company. He delivered food to school cafeterias, and fuck, Cap, one of the places on his route was Columbia University!" He held up a hand, apologizing for yelling, and he took a deep breath to calm himself down. "That's him."

Cragen nodded, rose from his seat, and stepped out from behind his desk. "We'll find out, okay, but you need to relax. You have to go out there, and until half-past-four, you have a job to do. Get your head in the game."

Elliot nodded, stood up, and took another deep breath. He exhaled and looked at Cragen. "If I'm right," he said, and he looked over his shoulder again, seeing Olivia now at her desk, on the phone, writing something down. "I changed my mind. If it's him, I can't be the one that brings him in." He turned back to Cragen. "Because I will kill him."

"You couldn't be, anyway," Cragen sighed. "Go, don't give her any reason to think you're in here quitting or something."

Elliot narrowed his eyes and asked a silent question.

Cragen smirked as he said, "You didn't tell her."

Shaking his head, Elliot told him, "I don't want to be wrong. I'll tell her all of this...when we find out the truth." He closed his eyes, almost pleadingly. "She needs the truth, Cap."

"We all do," Cragen said, and he watched Elliot leave as he realized he had to do this for Elliot, for Olivia, and for Serena. It was all he could do to make up for the lie he'd been telling for years.

Peace and Love

Jo