Would you like to take a guess at how long it took for us to deal with the Volgen mercenaries, dear reader?
If you said somewhere in the vicinity of 8 and a half months, you're close.
The remnants of the Dranglein army had surrendered after they had failed to take the occupied village, but the Volgen falconers…
On top of that we were starting to run low on gun powder; our supply lines were poor between our location and the fort at Majula. Every now and again something would get through, but not enough to keep us fully supplied.
Out of the roughly 30 thousand mortal Erebayans (the half-castes) that had marched out of Majula, we had lost around 11 thousand. At the field of bronze we had lost under 300, the Volgens weren't playing about.
Part of the problem had been two months of solid rainfall, that put all of our guns out of action and flooded one of the powder magazines.
The men were restless too, like I had been, they were all wanting to go home. Pay was another issue, not a single man had received any since stepping foot in Drangleic.
This was a complete and utter shambles, and there was only one person to blame.
It was a miracle that we managed to push them back into the sea, aided by the Dranglein remnants.
They alone managed to bolster our forces enough to fight the other foreign threat.
We returned to the occupied village, now referred to as Kholerkine, at the end autumn. Just in time for fresh supplies to be wheeled in.
I felt so tired, physically exhausted.
"Hey, cheer up," Don bit down on an apple, "We came out on top."
"Eight months and we haven't advanced further than here, we went backwards for goodness sake," I huffed, "And we still have to take that bloody castle. It needs to be soon too, we've had to hang thirty deserters already this week."
My friend continued to work on his apple, spitting a seed onto the floor, "Their army's ours now, surely they would let their own back in, with a few of our boy hidden amongst them."
I had serious doubts about that idea.
With a sigh I rolled over on my cot, facing the wall.
"What else is eating at you?"
"It's Lucatiel's birthday today. She would have been thirty-one," My words came out as no more than a whisper, "I had it all planned, you know. Months in advance, trying to make it better than her last. Did I tell you about what happened?"
Don shook his head, "No."
"You need to get better at lying to me, mate," I rolled back over to face him, "If you want to slap me and tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself, you have my permission."
The earl of Andron smiled, "Nah, but don't you think it's daft that you're moping about a woman in your past? Especially when you have another who's alive."
I accepted his point, with the exception of Vexa not being in Kholerkine but in Majula. I could write her. Now that the supply lines were back up I could send letters.
"Point taken and on a separate note, did any smoking leaf come in on the supply waggons?" A month since we had run out. I was starting to get the twitches.
The earl shrugged, "Ask the QMG, I'm not in charge of supplies."
That was funny, I could have sworn viscount Akandra had requested that Don be the one to check the wagon train when it came in.
Another shrug followed my questioning and he told me he may have had a brief look. Powder, shot, food, the usual. They apparently had quite the nice little set up going at Majula now, with the means to produce more powder having been found.
It would have been nice if they could have gotten that powder to us when we were fighting the fucking Volgens!
My mood continued to sour.
"There might have been something that came from Majula that'll interest you," He looked to the door and rapt on it with his knuckles.
Slowly and with a squeak the door was pushed open.
I did a double take, my eyes obviously playing tricks.
"Hi mister."
Speak of the fucking devil; Vexa Kellantine ducked through the door frame, having to stay ducked in the low ceilinged room. Under her arm was a large parcel, which she gently placed down on the floor.
Don left us, shooting me a knowing look as he disappeared around the corner.
"You're supposed to still be in Majula, wha-what are you doing here?" I asked in confusion, "Is everything alright?"
My mind automatically went to the negative.
The redhead pouted, "So you're not happy to see me?"
"Is there something you need?"
She folded her arms across her chest, "A hug would be nice and to know you're alright."
"Are you sure everything is alright?" I hadn't listened to a single word Vexa had said and she had noticed.
"Jonathan!" She snapped.
My little confused trance was broken and I stopped being a twat. I told her to close the door and shifted over on the bed.
The frame creaked as she laid down, it wasn't a bed made for a 'lord'.
When she had gotten comfy with her head resting on my shoulder, I looped an arm around her. The 'I missed you' spiel followed and I commented on her hair.
She had grown it out.
Not long long, jaw length.
The fringe was parted in the middle and tucked behind her ears. The style suited her just as much as when her hair was short.
Then it occurred to me which language she was speaking.
Katie had come through in the teaching department, I was impressed. Of course, there was still a lot for Vexa to work on, but she was giving it her all and that all I cared for.
Whilst I was taking notice of her, she took notice of the new scar. Once again my body had failed to heal properly.
A Volgen hussar had slashed his sabre across my face, cutting right through the bridge of my nose and bisecting the first scar under my right eye.
She traced it with her finger lightly, lingering for a moment at the edge.
"You're meant to duck, silly."
"The bastard charged his horse through the pikes, I didn't get a chance to duck," I took her finger and kissed the tip.
"Then maybe you need to start wearing armour and speaking of which," Vexa stood up from the bed and retrieved the parcel, unwrapping it and showing off it's contents.
The Heide armour, it had slipped my mind that Lenigrast was making it for me. That odd mix of 13th and 16th century armour styles.
The redhead helped me with it on; I had the choice of having the plate attached with voiders underneath rather than the full length arms and legs, along with a haubergeon. The other option was to go without the plate and wear a full hauberk with the mittens and mail hose. There was also a coat of plates I could wear over the mail.
There was then the helmets. The great helm I was used to seeing on the Heide knights, but the additional bascinet had me stumped.
Vexa solved that little conundrum for me. I was to wear both at the same time, the bascinet on first and the great helm over top.
In the end I went with the latter, the earlier Heide style. The last thing was a brand new surcoat, black and purple and covering in the black roses of my family coat of arms.
It felt good, comfortable and I had no bother moving about in it. As to be expected when armour is fitted properly.
Vexa smiled, "You look the part. Do you want to test it out and spar a bit? Vixen has my armour."
Physical exhaustion be damned, I felt renewed.
"As long as you don't strop if I win," I returned the smile.
Green eyes looked on happily and she tapped my nose, "Same goes for you, mister. There's a weapon and shield outside perfect for your armour. I found them just for you."
She then added, "And when I win, I have some more requests."
Vexa would have to win first.
The two of us left my billet, the guards throwing me odd looks.
"Is the old man here too?" I had a look around to see if I could Ornstein.
"He's ill. Your doctors say he had fluid on his lungs," Vexa frowned, "He was forbade to leave Majula until he gets better."
Not something I wanted to hear, but the old man was strong. He'd be back on his feet in no time.
Katie had travelled with the Kellantines, under their protection if I understood Vexa correctly. Where she was in camp I couldn't say, probably trying to find out what happened to von Strepp.
Vexa led me to the wagons they had travelled on, from it she pulled a spear and shield.
"I found them in Heide," She said, as she handed them over, "Your people have started to rebuild it, so that they don't have to live in the fortress any more. I think you'd like it."
As long as they hadn't fucked with the prog-rock album art look, I was fine.
It would be nice to see Heide looking less ruined, so we made it a plan to go visit after we'd taken Drangleic castle.
A date, as Vexa put it giddily.
We found the elder Kellantine minding his own business, sat on a large wooden chest.
He stood and embraced me.
"I see you're enjoying your new toys, sir," The brute joked, "Though I'm a little upset you didn't come to see me first. I've have this from our Gyrm friend."
Oh Gavlan, that beautiful Gyrm bastard; three barrels of the finest ale were sat behind the chest.
I looked to Vexa, "Well, we're set for tonight."
"Oh no," Vixen interjected, "I didn't have these carted here for you and my sister to get blind drunk."
I couldn't believe my ears, it's as if Vixen disapproved of myself and Vexa getting absolutely shit-faced.
"You do know what day it is?" His brow furrowed.
"Hence the wanting to drink, brother," I closed my eyes and took Vexa's hand in my mine, "I was going to do it alone with a bottle I've saved, but now I don't have to be a gloomy sod. You're sister won't allow that. Oh, and how is our guest?"
The brute grunted, "After ten months of daily beatings, he wants to die. We had to force him to drink his estus. As a special treat for him today, I left instructions for your provosts to break every bone in his arms and legs."
Oh! How deliciously brutal of the pursuer knight. Not exactly what I would do, but I had asked Vixen not to kill Luca's murderer.
As long as they didn't allow him to hollow, that's all that mattered.
"Anyway, Me and Vexa are going to spar. After that we can break out the ale," I released the redhead's hand, so that she could equip herself.
I had missed the damned ugly armour she wore, the dent in the breastplate still visible. She was still sporting it like a medal.
"You're not allowed to cheat and use your god powers, mister. If you do, you automatically forfeit the match," The redhead warned, with the waggling of her index finger, "And don't try to argue, because that also means you forfeit. Also, if you don't let me win, you forfeit the match."
I sighed and ran my gloved hand over my face, "What is it you want me to do? Seeing as no matter what I'm going to lose."
"I brought some of the princess' books. I would like you to read with me later," Vexa fixed her hair under her arming cap and lowered her helmet, "Now, no more talking. Fight me!"
The redhead brought her shield to bare and awaited my first move.
My main goal was to get past Vexa's shield and being in the lighter armour sort of meant I could move faster, get around her.
I managed to get several short jabs at the gaps in her armour and she knocked me on my backside once or twice.
We stopped play shortly after, growing more competitive and far more aggressive. There was little left of my shield.
Our supposedly playful bout came to it's climax; Vexa went in with a high strike which I stepped under and avoided the following blow from her shield, thrusting my spear at her now exposed helmet.
The spear caught her helm and forced it up, the sharpened edge cutting into her cheek. This was my final move.
Vexa swung her blade in anger, connecting with the top of my own helmet and I don't recall anything else.
Flat tops are good, but sugarloafs are better.
The concussive force had broken my neck, so I guess Vexa won.
I came about some hours later cradled in the arms of the redhead, her eyes bloodshot and puffy. The moment my own eyes opened she started to apologise.
I reached up and cupped her cheek, wiping a tear away and chuckled, "Remind me never to piss you off."
She didn't appreciate the joke and her lip began to wobble.
"Hey hey," I rubbled small circles on her cheek with my thumb, "I'm fine, look you didn't kill me and you won, I'll do whatever you want tonight. Just the two of us, we'll can ditch your brother and do anything."
Vexa sniffed, "You're not angry?"
I reassured the woman I was not, accidents happen when things get heated and care isn't taken.
Propping myself up slowly, I pecked her lips and apologised for hurting her cheek.
My neck was sore and stiff, cracking as I rolled it this way and that. As with a loth of injuries, I've had many worse.
I tried to distract her, asking about the books she'd borrowed from Katie. There were three, all leather bound and decorated with gold leaf.
Poems and song, fairy tales, tales of chivalry, all wrapped up in finely illustrated pages.
Katie's favourites and now Vexa's.
Lying on the bed with the redhead curled up beside me, reading her new books had me forget my sorrows. Don was correct, why mope about Luca when I had Vexa.
I'm sure the blonde undead would kick my backside for being all doom and gloom.
We never did get round to opening those casks from Gavlan...the redhead didn't get around to it.
"Vexa" The brute's voice came through the door, "How is he?"
I shushed him, then told him to get his arse inside quietly.
Vexa had fallen asleep, her head resting against my thigh.
"She was distraught," Vix grabbed a stool, "Started begging your princess for forgiveness, when her highness came looking for you."
"What did Kat say?" I ran my fingers over Vexa's hair.
"That you would fine. A few bangs to the head won't damage anything, because there isn't anything to damage."
Yes, that sounded like Katie.
"Your sister was fine after a little cuddle and she calmed down quick enough when we started reading," With slight movements I managed to move Vexa without waking her and got off the bed.
As not to disturb her, me and Vixen took our conversation outside.
The brute too had picked up on our language, although he didn't need to as we could easily talk in Dranglein like we had done from the start.
We stopped by the casks and took one in the direction of the officer's tent. It was empty apart for Katie and viscount Akandra.
The princess had her feet up on the table and was puffing away on a fag. Markus was reading over some documents brought from Majula.
After a few minutes catch-up with the former, we asked her to join us.
I raised the first glass, "Here's to you and Vexa, brother. That you're both okay and to the old man, and that he returns to better health soon."
"That this war against Nashandra is over before the new year and we can start looking for a way home," Katie added.
"And that the curse on my homeland is ended," Vixen finished.
The three of us drank deeply.
The ale as always was beautiful, not too sweet and it had a lovely crisp malt flavour. One of the finest Gavlan had brewed.
The initial malt was followed up by an almost fruity note, like pear.
With a contented sigh, I joked, "Just what you need after having you're neck snapped."
"Oh, shut up," Kat slapped my arm, "You're acting like it hasn't happened before."
I looked to Vix, "You get a chance, ask Don about mine shaft ninety-three. If not that, the Coli'ek pit collapse."
Goodness, those were awful mine disasters and when it was discovered that I was shirking my responsibilities as emperor. The two thousand miners that died were of slightly more concern.
I was buried for three days, Don even longer.
"And before I forget," I slipped the pendant from around my neck, "Just us, Vix. Take hold of the chain."
On her birthday, her friend and her lover would drink to her memory.
Vix and I had a good laugh, telling Katie in great detail everything we could.
At the end I slumped down further on the chair and sighed, "Hell, I feel much better. Still would have preferred getting drunk with your sister though."
The brute grumbled and folded his arms, "If you must know, sir. I think you're a bad influence on Vexa and if you weren't my friend, I would have you break things off."
"You need to have words with her then, not I."
No matter what the redhead's done, it's always my fault in the eyes of Vixen.
I poured the brute another drink, "Thing is brother, I like Vexa and Vexa likes me. We're both adults and you are going to have to accept our relationship. Every part of it."
Vixen remained stone-faced.
I then asked Katie if she also disapproved of my and the lady Kellantine's relationship.
"I wasn't too sure at first either, "Katie exhaled cigar smoke, "Though even I'll admit she's interesting, even if she was driving me mad. I've never had a friend like her."
"Ah ha," I pointed, "So you do make friends with mortals. You shouldn't lie to me, Kat."
The Reaper clicked her tongue, "Perhaps and I want payment for 'babysitting' Vexa, and you know my services don't come cheap."
They never are.
"And what happens if I don't think you deserve paying?"
My oldest friend licked her lips, "I'll tell her all of your dirty little secrets."
Blackmail was it?
How underhanded?
How awful?
I'd taught her well.
Too bad that Vexa already knew my dirty little secrets, as she proclaimed sleepily, walking into the tent. She was sporting a major case of bed hair.
With another apology she sat down and then started to complain that we were drinking without her, and was even more upset to find out we weren't having any more that night.
Vexa wore the cutest little pout, it wasn't working.
"Tomorrow," I told her, we could always drink the next day. There was no answer I could give that would satiate her.
She ended up acting like a child, as she always did.
I made a pained groan and held my neck, "I don't think I could drink with this pain. Oh, it hurts so much!"
My acting left a lot to be desired, not that it was supposed to be convincing.
"Don't be mean," The redhead whined, "I said I was sorry."
I stood up from the table and walked round to Vexa, draping my arms over her shoulders. I blew gently on her ear.
In return Vexa swatted at me with her hand and fought back a yawn.
"I think we should go to bed?" I suggested in a whisper, "It's back to work tomorrow. Let's use the time we have left today wisely."
She smiled and took my hand as I helped her up.
Akandra looked over, informing me that there was a meeting for all officers first thing in the morning that he wanted me present for, then wished both me and my mistress a goodnight.
Katie followed in similar suit and the two of us turned to Vixen.
"Goodnight, Vixen," We both said sweetly and made our exit, before the brute could raise any objections.
Once we were out of earshot Vexa started to laugh, "That was cruel and fun, but I didn't particularly like you in my head telling me what to do."
"Well, I could just say 'let's torment your brother' in the open, could I?" I looked up at the sky, feeling a chill in the air, "I don't think he's ever going to approve."
Vexa shook her head, "Sod my brother. I don't care."
We never actually did anything except cuddle up under the covers, hoping that we wouldn't be separated for another eight and a half months.
And as I watched her sleeping face, I wondered if I would fall in love with her like I had with Luca.
I never managed sleep, but I didn't care.
Dawn's first light broke through the window, a gentle breeze drawn in with it.
It was going to be a nice day, the first day of winter.
Vexa started to stir, green eyes flickering open.
"Morning," I parted her fringe and kissed her forehead.
She frowned and pulled the blankets further up, "Why is the window open? It's freezing in here."
It wasn't even cool in the room.
"Don't be overdramatic and it's because I like the fresh air," I held my nose, "Since you've returned, it's gotten awfully stuffy in here."
Vexa punched my shoulder, "You're being very rude to a lady, and don't you try and blame your feet on me."
"You, my love, are no lady and you're very cheeky this morning," I reached over her and pulled the window shut.
"Give cheek, receive cheek," The redhead smiled, "How's your neck?"
"Fine, as long as no overzealous gingers break it again," I teased, getting nice and close.
"I'm not ginger," She whined, "My hair is red. Red!"
"Who said I was talking about you?" Around my finger I wound some of her hair, "And for every strand of flaming red, there has to be at least three ginger. I hate to break it to you, but you're a ginger."
A familiar pout returned when she realised I hadn't stopped taking the piss. A play fight ensued, all whilst on the bed.
It almost made me forget we were at war with her people and the curse blighting the land.
I ended the battle with a brutal assault to her midriff with my fingers dancing up and down her skin, a roaring laughter elicited.
"No, stop," Vexa pleaded, "You never play fair!"
Of course not, that would mean loosing and that just wasn't allowed.
She swore to get me back, it wouldn't be then though. We were interrupted and I had to go to meeting of officers.
The tent was rammed, something big no doubt.
Akandra cleared his throat when we had all arrived, "As you all know gentlemen, the man next to me is the lord Kellantine, and next him lord Drummond of the Dranglein army."
He was an older gentleman and the spit of his father, the one I had killed in the past.
"The Volgen threat is behind us, but Drangleic castle is before us and as his majesty has pointed out, we need to take it and the enemy queen," Akandra continued, "We have an idea. It's high risk, but seeing as there is little way to take the castle, we're going to attempt to take it frontally."
I let that all sink in, as we all did, and then wondered if the dandy cunt had gone insane. To take Drangleic castle from the front was suicide and I didn't want to think of the butcher's bill.
It's safe to say that there were plenty of objections.
Markus raised his hand, silencing all of us.
"Before daybreak we received our bombard from Majula. With the aid of the remaining Dranglein army, we think it is possible to get the bombard close enough to the main gate and blow it open," He turned to the two Drangleins, "I am led to believe that there are only two ways into the castle and that the only access to the main entrance is a bridge. Is there a way that the remaining castle defenders can drop the bridge?"
Both Drummond and the brute said the same thing, no, but we would need to get past the primal knights.
Then there were the defenders on the walls.
Whilst the two were explaining the obvious, I was wondering what a bombard was and how that would in anyway help lessen the expected casualties.
"It's a very big cannon, John," Katie whispered in my ear, "A siege gun. The one we brought fires a nine-hundred pound ball."
I wanted to see this monster. I mean since, I have seen plenty of bombards. I witnessed Mons Meg fire. I was also a Roxburgh when the lion detonated, killing James II of Scotland.
Bombards aren't exactly my favourite.
Then however, bombards were new and exciting.
"They did something similar at Douner'rek castle. Jammed three cannon against the main gate and blew it open," She explained, "Blowing up the cannon too, but that's neither here nor there."
I'm pretty sure that your cannon blowing up is of slight concern and if I recalled Douner'rek castle had three gatehouses, so destroying three cannon for one gate didn't seem worth it.
Drangleic only had the one, but could we get it to the door?
I voiced my concerns.
Akandra started to squirm, "Your majesty is unlikely to agree, but we need to give you over."
Warning bells started ringing.
"We only mean to make it look like we're giving it over," The viscount corrected, "With the help of lord Drummond's men. Our engineers are already working on a means to disguise the bombard."
I still didn't like it.
"Are you sure there are no other ways into the castle?" I asked Vixen, who shook his head.
"Your majesty can hand pick the men that you wish to go with you," Lord Bannier suggested, speaking up above Akandra.
That didn't make me feel any better either.
A few swears under my breath later I agreed, "But what happens if this fails?"
"You've been inside. Shadow-dance and get the doors open," Akandra looked down at his maps, "We will be ready behind you either way."
Before I left to pick my men, I told Akandra he was insane and this wasn't going to work. He smiled politely and dismissed everyone.
Three days to prepare wasn't much time, who did I take with me?
Don, of course.
A sergeant from the company of baron von Claun, who we all lovingly refer to as Whiplash. None of us have a clue about what his real name is, he still refuses to tell us.
The others I would have to think about.
I caught up with my love gawking at the bombard, a state that I also ended in.
To say it was massive would be an understatement, the amount of metal put into building it must have been astronomical.
"You would have thought I would have seen something like this," She said absently, "Do you think I could fit inside?"
"Please don't try, Vexa. I'm not delegating men to help get your fat arse out, if you get stuck," I looked at the muzzle and wondered if she could.
The redhead didn't take too kindly to my calling her posterior large and in a very childish move, she bumped my hard with her hip.
"We could always put a powder charge down first and then if you do get stuck, boom! Would you like to fly, my love?"
"No," She replied, "But if I did, I'd aim to land on you."
No doubt in that.
"Because you know I would catch you?" I moved closer.
"Because you're a soft target," She answered with a smirk, "And as you have proven, you can't die. So I think you could handle me dropping in."
I made a few more unwise jokes about her weight or at least her weighing more than me, which earned my a few punches to the arms. They started off as playful and devolved into full on punches.
The engineers asked that we leave the bombard so that they could start work disguising it, we were in the way.
Vexa went off in a huff and I went for a walk, to clear my head and have a better think about who I wanted with me.
Slowly the names came to me.
Vixen caught up with me, "Sir, can I have a word?"
I nodded, "You want to voice you're concern over breaching Drangleic castle?"
"Did you call my sister fat?" The brute ignored me, "Because I've told you what I would do if you ever upset my sister."
I never said she was fat!
I hadn't said anything close to that.
This was her getting me back for loosing the battle that morning, she wasn't upset at all.
Without looking obvious I started to back away.
"She's lying to you, Vixen," I yelled behind me, running at full tilt.
In the corner of my eye I spotted Vexa, she was holding her stomach laughing. In an instant she switched from laughter to tears as her brother passed by.
She could consider the bed off limits to her until such a time I had forgiven her.
I made my escape into the make-shift gaol at the centre of Kholerkine.
"Who did you piss off this time?"
I pulled out both a flame butterfly and a fag, "I don't see how that's any of your business, Marius."
"I live through gossip these days, Johan. Humour me," von Strepp sat cross-legged, hand holding his chin.
"Sir Kellantine, on behalf of the lady Kellantine."
von Strepp raised an eyebrow.
"Your who-" Stopping himself, "Mistress' brother. I take it she's here too?"
I didn't answer, not trying to be impolite. Something had come to me.
"Would you like to get out of here?"
"You're taking the piss," He replied.
I wasn't.
Who better to hand me over to Nashandra?
"If we're going to get anywhere close to the front door of the castle, it's going to need to look convincing," I explained Akandra's plan, "Tell her you overthrew me and present me as an offering of peace."
The ex-commander of the Erebayan forces started to massage his temples.
"He's aware that we failed to take Douner'rek," The man fumed, "How many men do we have left here?"
"Eighteen thousand," There or there about, "And we're loosing more every week from disease, desertion and undead. Something drastic needs to happen or we're going to lose them all."
We needed to take that castle and end the war.
"I want my sentence commuted and my titles returned."
I had already guessed his demands, but I would only do so if we were successful.
I ordered the provost to get him fed and ready to move.
My next goal was to make it back to my billet without bumping into the brute, who I feared was still out to rip my limbs off.
Vixen was no-where to be seen, which set my heart at ease. Vexa however was waiting for me, blanket pulled all the way up to her neck.
I had this horrible feeling she was wearing nothing underneath.
"Oh no," I threw my hands up, "If you think we're going to mess about after you sent your brother to kill me, think again."
I also felt it was too early in the day.
"Shouldn't have called me fat then," Vexa looked on smugly.
"I said you were heavy, not fat. There is quite the difference," I tried to clarify, knowing full well Vexa was already going to do anything to get one over on me.
The lengths she would go to…
I wasn't in anyway annoyed and found myself laughing, like she had been earlier and came to answer the question I had asked myself the night before.
"Vexa," I smiled.
"Yes?"
"I love you."
By the way her eyes widened, mouth hung open and cheeks flushed crimson, I don't think she was expecting that confession.
It was the final step for me to get over Luca, at least that's what I keep telling myself and I can't really fault the results.
With a squeal, started working again and she pulled me under the covers with her. I don't need to explain what happened next.
"Did you mean it?" She asked, her head resting on my chest.
"Of course. I'm not going to miss the chance to tell you," I pressed my lips to the top of her head, "I love you, Vexa Kellantine."
She giggled happily and grinned madly.
"It's not getting you out of calling me fat though, mister," The redhead closed her eyes.
"Alright, I'm sorry I made jokes about your weight. It was cruel and insensitive of me, I hope you can find it in your big heart to forgive me?"
"No," She opened her eyes and moved to peck the tip of my nose, "Say it again."
Vexa then rocked over and held herself up, using her arms, over me.
"You're pushing your luck," I used the back of my hand to stroke her cheek, "And I don't want to wear it out. There's only so many times I can say it, without it loosing all meaning."
"Prove it to me," Her words carried a serious tone, "I've had plenty of men claim their love for me, but not one could prove it."
That was a yorker if ever I saw one and something I was going to have to think quickly if I was going to hit a six.
"Would you like to be like me?" I looked her straight in the eyes, "Be the same as me?"
I went naked and said it again.
It was something that I was going to extend to Vixen anyway; Vexa was also very much included.
If only the process was a nice one.
Simple yes, but it involves ripping the soul out and that I've been informed is incredibly painful. It also takes so much energy out of me that I'm rendered useless for hours or even days.
Though for the Kellantine siblings, I felt it was worth it.
"You'd be immortal and, and, and," I started to trip over my words, because I didn't want to say 'I won't loose you like I did Lucatiel' or something else sappy. I needed something that was just as true, but not as cliché.
Vexa hushed me and placed a finger on my none-existent lips.
"Not another word, mister. I believe you," She followed by pursing her lips and kissing me. There was an immediate flinch and she pulled back, "Could you turn back? That felt wrong."
"It's almost like you've never kissed a mass of sentient nothing before," I teased the moment I went back to looking human, wrapping my arms around her.
The gap between me and her closed, as she lowered herself down.
I had to stop her though.
"Your brother's been waiting outside, by the way. He's been out there about half an hour," I could smell and hear him.
The brute had been hesitating off and on, unsure if he should knock or open the door without.
"Is he going to be angry or embarrassed, I wonder?"
"Why not both?" The redhead craned her neck to look at the door, "Let's see what he wants. Vixen, stop listening in and get in here, you creep."
Silence.
On the other side, the brute cleared his throat, "Are you two at least clothed?"
Partially, and it was a mad scramble to get them back on.
When he opened the door, we were both on top of the covers and fully clothed. It was if nothing had ever happened.
"Is there something you need, sir Kellantine," I went with the formal address, only to make it that little bit more uncomfortable.
He stood wringing his hands.
I asked him how much he had heard, that being just about everything.
"The princess is looking for you, sir," He failed to meet my gaze, "But before that...I still don't approve, but if you really love my sister I won't say any more on the matter."
He didn't, at least not for a long time after.
He did however pull me to one side and give me a through going over what her would do to me if I ever broke her heart. I was left wondering if he wasn't really her brother and actually her father, going on like that might confuse people.
I told him to stop being as overprotective, as Vexa was an adult, even if she hardly acted as such. It was up to her who she was partnered with.
That all out of the way, I gather the men I had chosen to assault the castle with.
Thirty in total, including myself, Don and von Strepp.
The thirty private soldiers were all familiar with guns and were all outfitted with wheellock carbines from the harquebusier units.
Von Strepp refused the long arms, insisting on only using a pistol and sword.
"It's going to be tight, really tight, but all we need to do is get inside and hold the entrance. Make sure the rest of the army can follow," I had Don hold up my sketch of the castle's layout up and started to point out key areas.
"And if things go awry, as I think they might, it's our job to defend the gunner until we get close enough to fire the bombard."
An easy job and in no way insane.
Unlike the last time, the Kellantines were going to come with us, but as part of the secondary force assaulting the castle. I really hoped neither of them died before I got the chance to change them.
We, the forlorn hope, left before dawn and at a crawl. It took a full team of local plough horses to pull the disguised bombard, now looking like a supply waggon.
Each Erebayan soldier, apart from myself and von Strepp, were wearing the gear of the Dranglein army.
I was given some filthy clothes and was cuffed in irons. I was allowed to keep my hat with the feather in it though, wasn't giving that up.
Drummond Jr was leading on his own horse, von Strepp behind him holding onto a length of rope attached to my irons.
It took time, but we eventually returned to the familiar rotunda. We didn't go in, but around as that was where the wagon way lay.
That was a much nicer route to take, though we still would have needed Shanalotte to open the first gate, as both paths met up at the base of the mountain.
Thankfully this time the magically sealed gate was open, but not unguarded. Dranglein loyalists watched on, most of them with crossbows at the ready.
The captain of the gate spoke with Drummond Jr, looking over at me several times throughout. The officer waved von Strepp over, who yanked on the rope and pulled me forward.
He was enjoying this far too much, the bastard had done me over as well.
Split lips, black eye, corker of a bruise on my cheek.
I put up a fight and refused to budge, that was when Marius pulled the pistol from his belt and whipped me with it.
Once more my nose was broken and I spat blood.
I'm aware that it needed to look convincing, but damn it he was going over the top.
Traitorous bastard!
One of the Dranglein loyalists chuckled under his helm and added to the injury, throwing a punch into my gut.
He was reprimanded by the gate captain and from what I overheard was due to Nashandra wanting me unharmed.
I was roughly dragged to my feet and I found that the first distraction had worked.
The gate captain wasn't even aware of the Dranglein soldiers with us slitting the throats of the loyalists. He only noticed when his own neck started to pour a river.
On we went, our men taking the places of the dead guards at the open magic gate.
Thing ground the a halt with the ascent, the horses were struggling to pull the bombard. Even with human help, the cannon moved glacially.
I should be thankful however that it wasn't raining.
The first time I went to Drangleic castle it took four days to reach, this took us a week to get the disguised bombard to the stairway.
Luckily from there things got easier.
The mastodon primal knights took over from the horses, unwilling now to drag the siege piece towards the main door.
Drummond Jr and von Strepp began to spew bullshit to the guards, whilst the gunner on the inside primed the bombard and lit his match.
The two guards we less interested in myself, but in the waggon.
We gave them a demonstration.
A latch was hit and the facade fell away; the bombard with deafening thunder. discharged it's nine-hundred pound stone ball.
We lost the siege gun due to it's massive recoil pushing it back and over the edge, taking with it one of the primal knights. The other was knocked flat, unmoving.
The gunner had jumped clear the second match touched priming powder, so he avoided a horrid death.
The two guards that had been standing before the piece though were no more than paste, the door splinted.
Anyone behind it was dead or full of wooden shards.
The shock of the firing wore off and I was freed of my irons, Don throwing over the carbine and a cartouche.
Behind us the Dranglein rebels fought off the remaining primal knights and we Erebayans pushed into the castle. The main force wasn't far behind, a mile at most.
Dranglein loyalists were already trying to bar our access, a burst of musket fire put down their efforts.
We were in.
I hid myself behind a pillar and reloaded, the task much simpler with the cavalry's paper cartridges, like the ones I had experimented with in Eleum Loyce.
Better than having 12 bombs strapped to yourself anyway
The wheellock was still a pain, having to wind the spring every time I needed to fire.
With another ball seated in the gun, I popped around the side of the pillar to see a group of Syan knights advancing.
"On the left, on the left," I called out and fired on the lead knight.
Whiplash shot the second, another downing the third.
The entrance hall was becoming thick with powder smoke and the cries of the wounded.
"Sergeant," I shouted over the noise, "Keep pushing forward. We need full control of this room and it's doors. Hold it until the main force gets here and then follow us."
"Yes sir!" He yelled back.
I left Marius in overall command of the twenty, whilst I took the other ten.
We skirted past the last of the Syan knights and I was trying to think where Nashandra would be, hopefully not running out the back.
The main goal however was to control the throne of want, which according to Shalquoir was below the castle. I had an idea of where.
We had to go up and then back down, past the queen's private quarters and her personal throne room. There was only light resistance, until we hit the treasury.
A spear-like arrow whistled through the open door, killing the man in front of me instantly.
Nashandra's two dragon riders were waiting. One elevated with a great bow and the other on the ground with it's halberd at the ready.
There could have been more Dranglein loyalists, but in my haste I only saw the two.
"Donald, pop the bastard on the ledge. We'll take the one on the floor," I snatched a helmet off one of the soldiers and placed it over the muzzle of my wheellock.
This had worked in Venn, why wouldn't it work now?
As I expected, the helmet was snatched away by the arrow.
Don rushed passed me and dropped to a single knee, steadying his weapon against his shoulder and fired.
The rest of us fired over the earl of Andron into the second.
At first I though the dragon rider's armour was too thick for the muskets to penetrate, but the blood that soon ran from two holes in it's breastplate and from under it's visor proved me wrong.
The elevated dragon rider fell in an undignified heap close by, a hole punched through the breaths in it's helm.
"One hell of a shot, Don. 'specially at that distance," I clapped the earl on the back.
"I keep telling you, old boy, this one of mine is rifled," He set about loading, mallet already in hand to seat the ball.
Amazing what Don can do when he's in the grove…
Sad thing is I actually snapped my fingers after writing that; the dad jokes are only getting worse with age. The only thing worse is that Katie laughs at them and I'm not sure if it's to humour me or she genuinely finds them funny.
That's a lie, I know exactly why.
Suppose I need to have a word with her…
Sorry, right, we've just punched our way through Nashandra's muscle and I had a hard time pulling the men away from the copious amounts of gold littering the room.
Above the muffled cracks of other muskets could be heard, firing on mass. The rest of the army was in.
"Leave them," Don pulled me along, "We go after that throne."
I nodded, taking a pistol from the closest man and slotting it in my belt. If you couldn't load multiple shots in your gun, take multiple guns.
It was hot, rivulets of sweat running down my brow.
Eyes were stinging from the smoke and ears pounding from gunfire inside.
None of that registered though, for all the pent up frustration and anger I had been feeling was all bubbling up.
"If she's there, don't kill her outright. I want that pleasure," Someone jumped out before us and caught the butt of my carbine with their skull.
Several heavy blows were delivered before I came to see it was only a servant, I didn't care though. If they were standing in the way, they could fall like the castle's defenders.
The king's door soon appeared, unopened. That meant she couldn't be inside, not without the ring which was in my possession.
It did mean we could take it without force.
The ring was not so smoothly forced into the corresponding hole and the door unlocked painfully slow.
The door opened into a cavern, pitch black and stinking of damp.
The path was narrow and slick with the run off of underground streams.
And in the centre was a natural looking dome. Whatever it was hiding was locked up behind another door, with no obvious keyhole.
I felt compelled to reach out and touch it.
I was yanked back before I could and was dragged some distance.
The earl had spotted the two defenders, an older looking man and woman. Both twirled their swords like they were dancing, running straight for us and we shot them dead.
Had Vendrick left those two in the cavern?
His last line of defence against Nashandra?
It didn't matter, they stood in my way.
With them dead I returned to the door, hand outstretch and as I made contact it felt like a spark jumped from my finger tips.
The giant's blessing left me and the whole rock face lit up with an electric blue spiderweb crack pattern. The whole structure looked fit to collapse.
I looked to Don, then down to my cartouche. I was still good on cartridges, removing one and biting the bullet.
My mouth was flooded with the salty bitterness once more, I needed a drink desperately. My mouth was so dry.
"We've got people coming," Don warned.
Their footsteps already betrayed them.
The door to the throne opened and we backed in, eyes on the path back to the castle proper.
"Room's empty. You ready to kill as many as we can?" I glanced sidelong at the earl.
"They could be ours," He lowered the dog and pulled the wheellock tight to his shoulder, "But yes, I'm more than ready."
The first Dranglein loyalist barrelled down the path, my musket being the one to knock him down. The second was dropped a second later by Don, a spray of blood coating a close by stalactite.
No more.
"Was that all?"
Perfume caught my nose, sweet and overwhelming. Worse than the blood and smoke.
My friend could smell it too.
Polite laughter followed the perfume in filling the room.
"My brave sir," Nashandra laughed, "All you had to do was give yourself to me, there would have been no need for this bloodshed."
Myself and Don stayed quiet.
"You do upset me, sir," She continued to speak when she got no response, "You are as rude as ever and what is more, you destroy my beautiful castle. I have also yet to forgive you for causing me harm, nor the murder of our dear chancellor Spenner. I am willing to forgive you, if you lay down your arms, call off your men and give yourself to me."
I was already biting into another cartridge, wondering if I should reply with words or gunfire.
"I'm willing fuck and forgive, if you are?" I spoke aloud. Don mouthing back 'fuck and forgive' with a shake of his head.
I then realised that I just shouted at Nashandra in Erebayan, so I repeated it in Dranglein.
There was an audible scoff.
"How many times must I tell you that your comments do not amuse me, sir," She spoke calmly, with an almost playful tone laced within.
"Come on Nashandra, I've put on such a spectacle for you. Why don't we drop this farce and retire to you bedchamber?" I put forth, "We can negotiate all night long."
Silence.
I looked to the earl and the earl to me.
"Do you smell her? Because I can't smell her perfume any more," My eyes darted to every possible part of the cavern that was in my view.
"I smell you, I smell the dead, but I don't smell anything else. She has to be here somewhere, people can't throw their voices like that."
I was inclined to agree with the statement.
We backed further into the chamber of the throne, eyes always on the door.
"I must respectfully decline, my dear sir. How would it look to what remains of my subjects, if I were to bed the man that wants me dead?"
"They would think you benevolent and merciful. A mask that would suit such a beautiful face," The atmosphere was heavy and I still had no idea where she was; keeping her talking seemed like a good idea.
Silence reigned for three minutes before Nashandra spoke again.
"Backed into a corner and now you resort to flattery, you do offend me, sir," She feigned hurt, "Pray tell, where has your caustic tongue gotten to?"
If the lady requests…
"I think you're a two faced whore, Nashandra. A two faced whore that cannot fuck for shit," I went on the offensive, "Is that why he left you? Worthless fucking queen! It's not because you're a lying manipulative wretch, who steals children, who thinks she is deserving of this throne when she doesn't. Not that, you just couldn't keep Vendrick satisfied. See, that's why I'm replacing you with the lady Vexa Kellantine."
"My brave sir, you think yourself clever in trying to anger me. I know your ways and in these last months have prepared myself," Her voice was louder and the smell of perfume had come back.
There was still no sight of her, I turned back towards the throne of want to scan the inner chamber.
"Oh, have you put on that nice dress? The one you wore to dinner," I loved that dress, just not on her. The thoughts of Vexa in it had me had me on edge, the thought of Nashandra killed that mood.
"Come on my love, won't you show yourself? You've prepared yourself for me. Why don't we become one?"
Another glance to Don and he shook his head, still no Nashandra in sight.
"My brave sir, I do so hope you are ready to become one with the dark?"
I told Don to go naked, I following.
"We already are," I still held onto my wheellock, "And now I'm tired of these games. We've dragged this out far too long."
"Yes," The queen agreed, her tall silhouetted form appeared at the end of the pathway.
Instantly we gave fire, both landing what we though were good shots. She was still standing, though with a belly full of lead shouldn't have been.
Only one shot had put her down the last time, was she wearing armour thicker than Vexa's?
That couldn't be though, her silhouette was too thin.
Her silhouette was equally odd; as you know dear reader, we Erebayans can see perfectly in the dark. Nashandra should have been as clear as day before us, but her whole body was blacked-out.
The queen started to walk forward, laughing as she did.
"My knowledge of your weaponry is limited, but I know that they can only be used once before having to be set up again. Ample time for me to deal with you," Nashandra stepped into the silvery light trickling into the cavern, revealing her now chosen form.
Lithe and skeletal, cloaked in a black haze not that dissimilar to our naked form.
Resting gently in her bony fingers was the shaft of a scythe, one of the most useless weapons you could choose. If you're going to pick a farming implement at least go for the pitchfork, it's basically a spear, sort of.
The two of us had already gone back to looking normal and were frantically trying to reload, the queen had already closed the gap.
With a hard swing, Nashandra knocked Don to the floor and turned towards me. I had rushed the load and fired, not having removed the ramrod.
The rod and ball did nothing but graze the queen, angering her.
She crossed the chamber floor with long graceful steps, silent as death, of which she looked the stereotype.
Her long fingers closed round my throat and I was hoisted into the air, dropping my wheellock carbine in the process.
I could have shadow-danced to escape her grip, but I didn't need to.
Nashandra effortlessly raised me to eye level, not that she had eyes only empty sockets and spoke to me with her lipless mouth.
"My brave sir, you have made me ever so angry. Defiance was unwise," Orbs of dark magic flashed into existence around the queen, "All you had to do was give yourself to me and this all would have been avoided. An age of dark is all I want, the flame needs to die and with you in my possession I have the key."
The skull of her face faded and I was looking at the Nashandra I had come to know and despised. She was wearing a cruel grin.
"If you were to give up this folly and join with me, I would have forgiven you," The blunt side of the scythe blade was used to caress my cheek, "My poor back still aches from your assassination attempt all those months ago. All that time I have dreamt of how to repay you and now you will have lot's of time to find out."
No, I wouldn't.
Don had finished loading, ramming the ball home through the almost crippling amount of fouling that had built up in the barrel.
The earl set up his shot and I pulled the pistol from my belt, jamming the muzzle into the queen's tummy.
"I think I'd like another shot."
Don fired first, the second he did so I squeezed the trigger; Nashandra's face went from cruel to a shocked realisation.
Nashandra's skeletal form shattered and she dropped to her knees, letting go of me.
The entrance of chamber was now swarming with our arquebusiers and harquebusiers, guns all pointed at the fallen queen. I raised a hand and they lowered their weapons.
It didn't seem as if any of the bullets had wounded her or they had done very little, the white dress she wore over her human form was speckled with tiny flecks of red.
Her head twisted this way and that, looking from the throne of want, to me and to every man now crowding the chamber under the castle. The tears welling at the corner of her eyes were real, unlike the countless crocodiles that had fell before.
We had beaten the creature that gave off strength on the outside and had revealed the pathetic human wretch underneath.
"A pistol, if one of you would be so kind," I held out my hand, it open and waiting to accept the gun.
A lower officer ran over, dropping another wheellock into my grip, already loaded and waiting to fire, and it was aimed squarely at Nashandra.
I lowered the piece, taking a step towards the queen and taking a good handful of her platinum-blonde hair, yanking her head back so that she was looking up at me.
"I don't care about this throne or what it does. I don't care about this land or it's people, the poxy curse on them both. I don't care about your age of dark. All I do care about is you dead, by my hands, because I want to see justice for those children you stole and tortured, and murdered. For what? A lump of rock shaped like a seat," I released her hair and raised the pistol again, "I've wanted to kill you from the moment I first saw you, you're just not right."
I squeezed the trigger and the gun cough pathetically. The powder was bad or it was damp, one of the two. The main charge had failed to discharge.
All the same Nashandra flinched and fell back; the pathetic human-thing had fainted and judging by the smell, had done something else.
I looked at her in disgust, backing away.
"Get her cleaned up and into a cell," I ordered the closest two private soldiers, "I'll deal with her at another point. A simple execution isn't good enough."
I turned to the rest of the men gathered and announced, "Any and all musical instruments in this castle are mine, you may share amongst you everything else. If anyone stands in your way, kill them, though any cases of rape will be dealt with death on the spot. The provosts are already in the castle, you have been warned."
The mad stampede began with a wild cheer, but I wasn't feeling it. I had to sit down and compose myself, then have a shout at the remaining officer to go and monitor their rampaging men.
Don sat next to me, using his rifle as a rest.
"One down, now for Aldia and the curse to be destroyed," I mumbled absently, staring at the throne.
"Let's just secure the region first, then we can worry about everything else," Don took a deep breath and grimace, "Bitch broke four of my ribs and collapsed a lung. A great time for MBF."
"Closest surgeon's Kholerkine."
"I don't want a fucking surgeon, I want a drink," He forcefully sighed, "At least we get to rest for awhile."
A little while, yes.
"What you need is your woman, too bad Ingreet isn't here," I smirked, already spotting the Kellantines out the corner of my eye, "Now if you will excuse me, I feel like finding somewhere quiet and make love to my mistress until I forget who, what and where I am. You can distract her brother."
I found it difficult to stand, forcing myself up.
To Vexa I said nothing, only taking her hand and heading back up into the castle.
Every hall and corridor echoed gunfire and screams, dead servants were intermingled with the Dranglein loyalists. The floors and carpets were slick with blood.
We past one room in which my men were executing kneeling Dranglein soldiers, some were pleading desperately for their lives, others were crying silently and one was swearing.
We didn't see the act, but we heard it.
Vexa didn't much like what we were doing. I told her to ignore it, we had to let out our frustrations somehow.
The door to the queen's private chamber was ajar and the sound of activity could be heard from within. Five men, including von Strepp's bastard were rifling through every chest and cabinet.
"Out!" I didn't have the patients left to be nice and quickly told one of them to stand guard outside.
The bed was untouched, so I took a seat and stared at nothing.
"Look, Jonathon," Vexa sat next to me, the bed creaking under the weight of her armour, "I don't want to do this, not now and not with all of this bloodshed going on around us...bloodshed that you've allowed."
"Were you thinking we gods were going to be better than you?" I kicked my boots free, "We were assaulting the castle, not passing as foreign dignitaries. We're all sick of this and I'm not denying them their blood."
The room felt cold and Vexa was giving me a funny look. To her we were needlessly killing and she didn't understand why we weren't just taking her countrymen prisoner.
I removed the spent gun from my belt and pointed it at the redhead, "You're Dranglein too, you don't get a say."
Vexa slapped the barrel of the pistol away and bared her teeth, "Don't even dare joke."
"I couldn't do it anyway, you'd come back as a vengeful spirit and then I'd never get rid of you," I threw the gun across the room, letting it clatter noisily against the hard stone floor.
"You're damn right I'd haunt you," She pushed my shoulder, "You can't proclaim your love for me and then try to kill me."
I took her gauntleted hand in mine an apologised.
The atmosphere grew awkward quickly.
"I know this isn't comfortable for you, but you threw your lot in with us," I thought hit me, "Get you're armour off and lay down on the bed."
Vexa stood defiantly, "I told you no!"
"I don't want sex," There was little energy in my delivery, "I told you I would make you like me and it's going to be nicer for you if you're not in armour."
The redhead's eyes turned watery and she lunged, crushing me in an embrace, "You meant it? You actually meant it."
I had, but I wasn't going to be able to fulfil the promise the way I was.
"Vex, you know I love you and your hugs," I wheezed, "But I need to be able to breath."
She only tightened her grip on me. Sometime later I managed to pry her from me and she from her armour.
I had the guard come inside to watch over us.
"I'll see you when you wake up," I pressed my lips to hers, "And I'm sorry, this is going to hurt a lot."
I haven't quite forgotten her screams.
Here we are again, I hope you're all doing well.
{Insert something about Christmas here and pretend I wasn't sick of it months ago}
Should have the next part written up by the middle of next month and I shall keep reminding myself that this is a fan fiction about Dark Souls, even as this story drifts further and further away from it. Don't worry, editing will start soon.
Anyway, I do hope you've enjoyed this mess.
Until Next time,
Goodbye.