Confidence and Control
Chapter 20:
Green-eyed Monster
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The aftermath of Hallowe'en would feel to most like an outward breath - everything returning to its ordinary state as Jack O'lanterns were vanished, their flickering lights and strange smelling insides no longer necessary. A break for a couple of months before the beginning of the run up to Yule. To Mildred however, she felt like she was asphyxiating from fear and anticipation, constantly on edge, both from not knowing if, or indeed when, she would be transferring again, and when Miss Hardbroom planned to help her to do anything about it: Miss Hardbroom had been strangely silent about transferring lessons, and this didn't help Mildred's nervous energy or the feeling that she was living in limbo, waiting anxiously to see what would happen next.
Instead Hecate had devoted her time to Mildred's potion knowledge, quizzing her each night and setting her extra homework tasks which she would oversee in her quarters either before or after dinner. Any protestations Mildred had were met with an unnerving and icy glare which one night was followed with a spell that meant that Mildred could not physically turn her head from the textbook she had been handed. She had wept frustrated tears, called Hecate all manner of names in her head and felt her fingertips sparking with fury, before admitting defeat and reading a rather lengthy explanation of knotgrasses.
When Mildred had bravely asked just when her transferring lessons would begin, her infuriating form-mistress had simply replied, "When you are ready," which was hardly the response she wanted to hear, but Mildred swallowed her frustrated retorts at the crossed arms and rigid posture, knowing she would get nowhere.
Instead she had audibly huffed and flounced out of the potions' lab. Hecate resisted all urges to summon the girl back and give her a thorough dressing down, and instead sat at her desk and rubbed her temples. Dealing with Mildred's increasingly unpredictable moods, and feeling constantly out of her depth was tiring her to say the least.
Once again she had felt that strange tug of uncertainty pass through the once strong barrier to her thoughts, Was she really best equipped for this? Surely someone more approachable, personable and cheerful? Someone like Pippa... Hecate had snuck a glance at them before, huddled together cosy on her sofa with Pippa's soft hands delicately stroking through the knots in Mildred's hair and had felt a pang of jealousy. How natural the two of them had looked! Yet every maternal action Hecate gave to the girl was wrought with hesitation and uncertainty.
The whole transference thing was tricky business, and she was dreading exposing Mildred to the masikim when the girl was not fully out of the danger-zone. However Hecate knew deep-down that she was also using it selfishly to put off the Godmother question. She couldn't put off both forever, and Hecate knew she was being unfair to make Mildred doubt her strength, when it was really her own she was questioning.
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Mildred was fed up with feeling like a goldfish in a bowl, eyes peering at her either interestedly or concernedly as she walked around to lessons, as if wanting desperately to see the moment she would poof again.
Miss Hardbroom's eyes were the worst, for Mildred could rarely actually catch her looking, yet felt the dark brown gaze pin-pricking her every move, sensed her energy and the crackle of her magic every time she misstepped over her undone shoelaces. Indeed, Mildred had go so far as to leave her laces undone on purpose just to try and catch Miss Hardbroom in the action. She had been unsuccessful.
Ethel's staring was far more pronounced, something dangerous glittering beneath the icy grey irises. She had been watching Mildred's every move and action with analytical fascination; like a predator poised to strike.
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Miss Cackle addressed her students with a flicker of fond bemusement at their rapt attention, "It is of crucial importance that we don't judge those that cannot perform spells non-verbally - for they may still have strong powers," she finished, eying Ethel Hallow firmly, finding it strange that she had stood next to Mildred Hubble, rather than Felicity.
Ethel smiled patronisingly at the girls around her, her gaze lingering sideways on Mildred who was determined not to look her way. No Hallow had ever not managed non-verbal incantations and Ethel was sure to not be the first with her almost gifted grasp on magic, the group was in no doubt about that.
"Never mind Hubble-Bubble, I'm sure it won't make sure any less of a witch than you already are..." she simpered and smirked.
Miss Cackle, an experience teacher and headteacher with many years of experience of girls' cruelty, heard the exchange, but in her wisdom decided not to call Ethel out on her arrogant ways. Instead she smiled briskly at Mildred, "Mildred, dear come here," she gestured invitingly with one arm.
Mildred furrowed her brow in confusion but followed Miss Cackle's lead.
"Miss Hardbroom has done nothing but sing your praises about your mastery of non-verbal incanting," Miss Cackle watched with satisfaction the effect every word had on Ethel's smug face, which was now gawping in confusion.
"I wondered if you could show us a little something?" Miss Cackle continued.
"Me?.." Mildred squeaked, unprepared and desperate to keep her head down since the transference episode. "I... uh.."
"A simple dimming spell perhaps?" Miss Cackle prompted benevolently.
Mildred bit her lip, succumbing to the inevitable. She gestured with her hands, feeling her magic fizzle through to her fingers, allowing the lights to momentarily dip and then reignite.
"Cool!" Enid grinned.
"Excellent! Quite excellent Mildred," Miss Cackle sang, as Mildred returned to the group who were staring at her in amazement. Ethel managing to look as if a bee had stung her insides.
"It'll take some time for some of you to get to that standard," Miss Cackle told them all, but firmed her gaze upon Ethel's own. "Now I will take you one at a time throughout the afternoon and see what we can do. Mildred you are of course exempt. Miss Hardbroom has sent firm instructions that you are to go to the library, she has left a note there of some of the pages she would like you to revise." Miss Cackle smiled again proudly at the girl.
Mildred didn't need to be told twice, she scarpered the room as quickly as she could.
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Mildred wondered if she would be seeing Miss Hardbroom at the library, wanting someone to vent to about what had just happened. Instead she found the room largely and frustratingly empty. She must be teaching, Mildred thought with a twinge of disappointment. She went to the librarian and received Hecate's note, sighing at the huge amount of work which had been assigned. She located the first volume and make herself as comfortable as she could on one of the scattered wooden desks.
Her brain tried and failed to make sense of what she was reading, to try and memorise ingredient properties and uses. She couldn't get over Ethel's shocked yet sinister face, knowing that the girl would already be plotting a way of getting her into trouble...
Twice she felt Miss Hardbroom's magic, and knew that the woman was once again checking up on her, invisible, as was her way. Mildred was tempted to acknowledge her, but knew then that she would be giving away how good she had got at feeling Hecate's aura, so instead she tried to buckle down to her studies, hoping that she would learn something worthy of anything but disdain.
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"How far will you go for my attention?" Hecate finally asked wonderingly and exasperated, eyebrow pointed at Mildred's boots, which were not only fully unlaced but also completely unbuckled, and her hair which had been left as a wild, frizzing mop around her head.
"It's not 'for your attention,'" Mildred muttered churlishly.
Hecate served up the spinach cannelloni with pursed lips, her pupil's own lips mirroring hers. She sighed inwardly and began to eat, finding silence uncomfortable for once. She observed Mildred stabbing away at the bits of pasta and grimaced. "You're angry with me," she ascertained, once the plates had been magicked away and an even heavier silence had taken over.
Mildred didn't deny Hecate's statement, her dark eyes had darkened further and she had begun picking at her nails.
"Speak your mind child," Hecate permitted, elegant fingers gesturing for Mildred to begin.
"I'm not a child," Mildred muttered.
"Then stop acting like an exceedingly childish one," Hecate retorted, automatically slipping back into the role she was so used to playing, "Less of that girl or my patience will wear thin."
Mildred stared at her form-mistress in white-hot fury at her words. "Mine has already worn thin!" Mildred almost shouted, already at the end of her tether. "It's been over a week Miss Hardbroom - You said you would teach me transference and that I could handle the Masikim and then you won't let me try! Why not?! Can't you see how much I need to control this!?" she added desperately and gestured to the ends of her fingers which were sparking once again dangerously in response to her anger. "One minute you're telling me how strong I am.. the next you're telling me I'm not ready to deal with this? Like I have a choice!"
Hecate watched the girl in horrified fascination, startled at how her fingertips were positively glowing and yet no unintended spell had been cast her way despite the girl's clearly intense anger and resentment towards her. She wanted to reach out, to comfort, to put out the sparks that that should not have been coming from a fourteen-year-old girl, but something was stopping her. Coward she seethed inwardly at herself.
"What are you so afraid of?" Mildred demanded of her teacher.
"I..." Hecate faltered. For the second time that week, Hecate placed her hand to her temples. Mildred waited a moment, her face contorted with ever-increasing anger at Miss Hardbroom's silence and inaction, before a spark pushed from her finger and jolted a photo-frame from the other side of Hecate's work desk, dropping to the floor with an clunking smash. Mildred gazed, horrified for a moment, before she ran from the room, tears flowing freely down her reddened face.
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Hecate tuned into her locator spell for a couple of minutes before she felt Mildred growing to a stand-still. She waited a further precisely timed two minutes (which she watched diligently tick away on the Victorian style clock on her mantle) before transferring, finding the girl slumped on the open window of one of the many turrets. The girl was tear-stained and shivering, and so Hecate wordlessly summoned her one of her warmest blankets and a black silk handkerchief, which she draped on and pressed to Mildred in turn as she dared to join the girl at the battlements.
"I'll replace it," Mildred said softly.
"A broken frame is hardly worth fussing over," Hecate murmured, "the picture inside remains intact."
"You didn't deserve that..." Mildred mumbled. Her anger had dissipated and left her feeling a well of guilt in the pit of her stomach. She felt such raw yet intense affection for this woman, who had acted as a strange kind surrogate mother the past few years, and had placed such a vested interest in Mildred's well-being, and yet she had screamed and shouted at her again.
"I most definitely did," Hecate mused, forcing herself to find Mildred's hand and finding the sensation of holding it more comfortable than she thought. Mildred's eyes widened, but Miss Hardbroom offered up no more explanation.
The two witches sat side-by-side, staring up at the night's sky as their breaths both escaped in condensed cloud, both finding the comfort of the stars once again.
"Stars, hide your fires; Let not light see my black and deep desires," Hecate quoted.
"Shakespeare?" Mildred guessed.
"Macbeth," Hecate confirmed.
The two sat in silence, unspoken conversations passing between them.
"I finished Little Women," Mildred eventually told her in a small voice.
"Thoughts?" Hecate prompted.
"Beth shouldn't have died, I hated Amy at first, Meg tried too hard to be perfect, but was perfect when she didn't try and Jo was far too headstrong - I'm guessing she's the one who's like me?" Mildred gave a small grin.
"Quite," Hecate smirked, amused.
"I don't mean to be.. I just can't seem to hold my thoughts in," Mildred laughed.
"Especially around me it seems..." Hecate mused.
"I'm making up for all of those years I was afraid of you Miss Hardbroom," Mildred said cheekily, quirking her brow with her eyes glinting.
"Was?" Hecate glared menacingly. "What do you mean was?"
"Well everytime you act scary, I just remind myself of you with your hair down - both physically and metaphorically.." Mildred grinned in acknowledgement of the long word, "around Pippa..."
"That's Miss Pentangle to you," Hecate replied coolly. "I must try harder then.." she mused with an affectionate glare towards her charge. "At least I know I won't be faced with viewing myself from your point of view with the masikim. Never good to see yourself from another's view, either flatters or causes some serious ego problems," she continued dryly.
Mildred laughed at the thought of vanity from her very practical form-mistress. "I truly am sorry," Mildred repeated. "I need to trust you... After everything, I do trust you Miss Hardbroom. I just lost it a bit..."
"You will not be the first, nor the last teenager to shout at me Mildred Hubble, perils of the job - however you might just be the very first and definitely last to escape without a detention."
"Really?" Mildred raised a brow at Miss Hardbroom's relenting.
"Just don't make it too much of a habit," Hecate's eyes glinted. "Or you'll be writing lines until your hands bleed.."
Mildred nodded, believing her threat.
"Tomorrow," Hecate told Mildred firmly.
"Really?" Mildred's eyes widened.
"Really," Hecate repeated. "You have always been ready Mildred Hubble, it is perhaps me that needs to learn from your strength."
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Ethel had been watching Mildred Hubble. Her darting eyes following her arch-nemesis whenever she could.
Something strange had happened. Something she didn't quite understand. Miss Hardbroom had always made no secret of her disdain for the non-magically born witch, always belittled and criticised the girl out of an obvious frustration for her lack of rigour and careless ways. Always shown approval to Ethel with her hallowed name and clear academic excellence. Something had changed... how and why Ethel wasn't so sure. But Miss Hardbroom's tiny smiles were no longer reserved for her, they were dished out to Hubble as she correctly brewed potion after potion.
"Miss Hardbroom has done nothing but sing your praises about your mastery of non-verbal incanting."
How had the girl learnt? Who had taught her? If it was Miss Hardbroom (which her suspicions told her it was..) then why? Why not her? Miss Cackle had managed to teach her well enough - for she was a Hallow of course - but everyone knew that Miss Hardbroom was the true power in the school. She - Ethel Hallow - would surely make a much more obvious protégée than Mildred Hubble.
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"Tonight," Hecate told Mildred as she made her way out of the potion's lab. "6pm sharp," she added, "The classroom in the south tower."
Ethel's ears pricked up with interest. Just what would Miss Hardbroom want with Mildred in the south tower? As far as she knew, every detention Miss Hardbroom had ever delivered had been in the potion's lab, and she wasn't even aware that Mildred had detention.
Perhaps it had something to do with Mildred's sudden mastery of non-verbal spells. Was Miss Hardbroom giving her some kind of private lesson tonight? Why her! Ethel wanted to wail.
An idea formed in Ethel's mind - and she already had the potion ready and waiting to put her plan into action...
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Hecate felt nervous and that made her feel even more anxious, knowing that Mildred would feel at least double what she was feeling.
She busied herself with setting aside the tables and chairs in the rarely used classroom, wishing that she had asked Pippa to come, but also knowing deep-down that this was something that she and Mildred would have to journey through together, that this somehow was the battle that they needed to fight.
She was curious too, what exactly where Mildred's greatest fears? What were the complexities of the deepest parts of her brain and soul?
She shuddered at a masikim induced memory of one of her own.. Of the vision of her mother - far too sharp for her to be a true memory, telling her that she was not good enough to be a witch of the Hardbroom name, not jovial enough to be a good daughter, not beautiful enough to be loved... The vision who turned into a more golden version of Pippa and repeated the words, stabbing at her heart.
"It's not real..." she spoke aloud.
"Did you say something Miss Hardbroom?" Mildred asked rather serenely from the doorway.
"No.." she said in sharp but faltered tones. Hecate gathered her wits about her, slipping into her teacher persona with perceived ease, gesturing for the girl to sit down which she did with a rather upright posture.
"Now Mildred, like I've explained before. The masikim method used your flight or fight response to our advantage. He will attempt to root you to the spot and compel you. Your instinctual magical response will hopefully be to transfer away. I will supervise of course.. If it gets too much you must alert me... Do you understand?" she questioned firmly.
Mildred looked like she had questions, but seemingly swallowed them as she nodded rather nonchalently.
"Now.." Hecate said briskly. "I will summon him..."
"Let all my fears apparent be...
Let the masikim stand before me..."
Hecate made a complex motion with her hand, standing aside to Mildred before moving carefully into the shadows. She focussed all of her energy onto Mildred, and felt herself delving into the girl's conscience.
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The real Mildred Hubble groaned an animalistic sound in frustration. Her door wasn't budging whatever spell she tried using. Hecate would be fuming, she bit her lip with worry. She had convinced her teacher how importance this was to her, how seriously she was going to take it, all to be stopped by a locked door. Mildred didn't understand.
Her mind went to Ethel Hallow and the looks of venom the girl had been shooting her, but even that didn't make sense. Ethel couldn't have possibly known what she was late for. Couldn't know just how much was at stake...
"Let me out!" She screamed in frustration.
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