Chapter Twenty-Two

The flight back from Hawaii wasn't much better than the flight out. About an hour from Seattle, Cas had his seat all the way back, and his eyes closed, when Hoagie perked up and barked.

Cas panicked, but Dean was immediately out of his seat, and lifting up the armrests.

'Come on,' he said, laying Cas down across the seats, and padding them with blankets and pillows. 'Relax.' Dean knelt by him in the aisle and kept a hand on his shoulder to stop him falling out of the seats.

Cas seized for four minutes and twelve seconds, a little longer than usual, and Dean shushed him as he came around.

'Lie still a minute,' Dean said to him. 'Here, I got you a bucket.'

Cas put a hand on his head, but didn't move otherwise.

Dean gently ran his fingers over Cas's hairline. 'Hey, don't cry,' Dean said softly. 'It's okay.'

Cas opened his mouth, but no words would come out. He looked confused, then scared.

'It's fine, it's just the fog,' Dean told him.

Just then, a flight attendant came over to them. 'Is he all right?' she asked.

'Oh yeah,' Dean nodded, mostly to Cas, who was looking at him. 'The pressure in here lowers the seizure threshold, so it's a little worse than usual, but he's gonna be just fine.'

'I hate to rush you, but is there any way you could get him back in his seat? We're beginning our descent in a moment, and everyone needs to be buckled in.'

A thrill ran through Dean, but he pushed it away and nodded. 'Yeah, we got it.'

The flight attendant walked away, and Dean carefully lifted Cas back into his seat, and got them both prepared for landing.

'Lean on me,' Dean said, moving Cas's lolling head onto his shoulder.

Dean gripped the armrests tightly as they went down, and pushed away the panic as hard as he could. Cas's hand weakly touching his arm made him feel better as they landed.

Everyone filed off the plane, grabbing their bags and chatting loudly, but Cas was still too weak to move.

'Hey, you guys got a wheelchair, or something?' Dean asked the cabin crew, slightly more concerned about Cas's lack of recovery.

'Sure, we'll bring one right up.'

Dean shook Cas's shoulder again. 'Hey, you gotta wake up. We need to get out of their hair so they can clean the plane.'

Cas nodded slowly, and shuffled over to the edge of the seat, so that Dean could help him into the wheelchair.

'You feeling any better?' Dean asked, as they came off the jetway.

'A little,' Cas mumbled, and Dean sighed in relief.

'All right, let's get out of here.'

On the way out, Dean called Sam and asked him to meet them in baggage claim.

'Cas's chair is still in the trunk, right?' Dean asked. 'I don't think the airport will let me keep theirs.'

'Oh, is he okay? He hasn't needed it in a while.'

'Yeah, he'll be fine. Turns out, a seizure in the air is not the most fun you can have on a plane.'

'It's not?' Sam said mockingly.

'Yeah, we were actually planning on joining the mile high club, but I guess his brain had other ideas.'

Cas snorted in his chair, and Dean grinned.

'Gross.'

'Just bring the damn chair, Sam.'

'All right, all right, I'm coming.'

Dean collected their bags, and helped Cas switch chairs.

'You okay, Cas?' Sam asked, and Cas gave him a thumbs-up.

The packed everything into the car, including Cas and Hoagie into the back seat.

Dean breathed deeply, sitting in the driver's seat.

Sam sat beside him. 'So, how was it?' he asked.

'It was great,' Dean told him, looking at Cas in the rear view mirror. 'Sand. Swimming. Cas throwing up several times.'

'Oh, sorry.'

'Nah. It was perfect.'

As they drove off, Dean watched Cas shifting uncomfortably in the back seat, and he began singing softly.

Sam gave him an incredulous look.

'Shut up, Sam, it makes him feel better,' Dean muttered. 'See, look at that, he's asleep.'

'Hey, I'm not judging.'

They sat in silence for a moment.

'So, how is he doing, anyway? You know, with you?'

Dean shrugged. 'He's really confused, and I don't blame him. Can't imagine what it must be like to try and unscramble your brain.'

'He'll get there.'

'I know he will.' Dean cleared his throat. 'Anyway, how's Mary? Did I miss anything?'

Sam smiled proudly. 'Well actually, she can sit up by herself now.'

'That's awesome, dude, she's like a baby genius.'

'Yeah, she is.'

Dean sighed, and Sam looked sympathetic.

'Look, I know you wanted a kid,' Sam said, 'and I'm sorry all this happened.'

'It's okay, Sam, you know I only wanted to go there with Cas anyway, and I gotta take care of him now.'

'If it makes you feel any better, I think you're doing a great job. He really feels safe with you, you know?'

Dean laughed. 'How do you know that?'

'I know him almost as well as you do, remember?'

'Yeah, that's true. And I think you should talk to him more.'

'What?'

'You guys barely speak anymore. He might not have noticed, but I have. You're supposed to be brothers.'

'I've been busy - are you telling me off?'

'Yeah, I guess I am.' Dean stopped and took a breath. 'It's hard for him now. He doesn't see many people, and he can't keep track. He needs people to reach out to him.'

'All right.'

'And don't think I don't know why you're avoiding him.'

'I'm not-'

'You are. And you should talk to him about it.'

'All right, all right, jeez. I'll talk to him.'

'Good.'

The drive home was exactly what Cas needed, and he was miles better by the time they dropped Sam off.

'You want to stop for a burger?' Cas asked. 'I'm very hungry.'

'Sure we can,' Dean laughed.

At last, they arrived home, with several more burgers in a bag, and Cas dropped into a chair at the dining table, happily gazing out of the window. He never got tired of the view, especially when it was sunny.

'Did you enjoy yourself?' Cas asked as Dean sat down next to him.

'I did,' Dean smiled. 'And I'm glad to be home.'

'Me too.'

'I'll redo your boards for you in a minute,' Dean said, finishing another burger.

'Thank you.'

They soon settled back into their routine, and Cas went back to his painting. He pulled out all of the paintings he'd done of the beach and stared at them, willing himself to remember.

'Whoa, what are all these?' Sam asked, coming through the dining room door late one afternoon.

'Sam, you're early,' Cas said. 'Dean's not home yet.'

'I know, I came to see you actually.'

'Oh.' Cas's eyes swept over the paintings, and he saw Sam smile. 'You know what this is, don't you?'

'Yeah.'

'But you won't tell me?'

'Nope.'

Cas sighed loudly. 'Well, at least I know it isn't something horrible, otherwise you wouldn't be smiling.'

'That depends on your opinion.'

'What does that mean?'

'Nothing.'

Cas rolled his eyes, and put the paintings away in the chest. 'What did you want to talk about?' he asked, sitting back down.

'Right.' Sam sat down, and ran his hands through his thick hair, looking significantly less happy than he had. 'Here's the thing, Cas. You and I - we used to be real close. We talked a lot, and we hung out all the time… And we don't have that anymore.'

'Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't realise. Do you want me to text you more? I can set a reminder on my phone, Dean showed me how-'

'No, no, Cas, it's not you,' Sam interrupted. 'It's my fault.'

'What do you mean?'

'I've sort of been avoiding you a little.'

'Oh.'

'Again, not your fault,' Sam said hurriedly. 'And that's why I wanted to talk to you. It's sort of been weighing on me, and, I don't know, maybe it's something to do with having a kid, and wanting everyone around, but I want to get back our relationship.'

'Okay,' Cas nodded. 'And Dean made you, didn't he?'

Sam snorted. 'Yeah, kinda. But I was going to anyway.'

'All right, well… are you going to tell me what it is?'

Sam took a deep breath. 'Okay, here goes. When you were in your coma, I was - I was one of the people that told Dean to switch off the machines.'

'Oh, Sam,' Cas breathed.

'And I am so, so sorry,' Sam continued. 'It was the worst thing I've ever said, and if I'd known you would - I would never have -'

'Sam, it's okay.'

'No, it's not okay. You would have…'

'Listen, Sam, no one knew that I would come back.'

'Dean did.'

Cas sighed at Sam's pained grimace. 'Dean didn't know,' he said quietly. 'Dean was stubborn and pigheaded, and he couldn't let me go. That's not the same as knowing I would come back.'

'It was awful of me to say, and I'm sorry. I'm the worst brother ever.'

'No you're not.' Cas leaned towards him slightly. 'Here's what I see. I see someone faced with an impossible choice; between watching his brother cling to someone most likely already gone, or trying to convince him to let go. There's no wrong answer there, Sam. You did what you thought would be best for Dean, when there was nothing left to do for me.'

Sam's eyes watered and he nodded.

'It makes you a strong person, and a great brother. As far as I'm concerned, it would have been the best decision for me as well, if the choices were moving on, or lying in a vegetative state forever.'

Sam sniffed. 'I - I don't know what to say.'

'You say, "Cas, I'm very sorry for not speaking to you sooner, can we please go back to being good friends?".'

Sam gave a watery chuckle. 'Okay. Cas, I'm very sorry for not speaking to you sooner, can we please go back to being good friends?'

'Of course we can.' Cas smiled warmly at Sam. 'Do you want a coffee while we wait for Dean?'

'Sure.'

Cas passed him a hot mug as soon as it was ready. 'What did we do together?' he asked curiously.

'We talked about work, mostly,' Sam said. 'Sometimes we both needed to vent, or there was something we couldn't figure out, so we'd get together and talk it over. You were really good at finding small details in my cases. We never said any names, or course, but I guess you just had an eye for that stuff. '

Cas hesitated. 'Sam, I might not be able to do that anymore.'

Sam waved a hand. 'It was more your company than anything. I'm really glad Dean met you.' Sam teared up again, just as Dean came through the kitchen door.

'What's going on?' Dean croaked, wincing and rubbing his throat.

'Nothing. Are you okay?' Sam asked.

'You gotta go,' Dean said to Sam. 'I think I caught something, and I don't want you to give it to Mary.'

'All right, I guess we'll catch up another time. See you later.' Sam left, and Dean sat heavily down at the table.

'It was just a sore throat this morning,' Cas said in concern.

Dean groaned. 'It got worse.'

'All right, well you should get into bed. I'll make you some lemon tea.'

Dean nodded and dragged himself to the bedroom, ready for Cas's tea.

Cas came in with the tea, and the book they were reading, and climbed in next to Dean.

'How do you feel?' Cas asked, before they started reading.

'Bad,' Dean said hoarsely, and coughed. 'Everything aches.'

'All right. Try to drink your tea, and go to sleep.'

Dean only managed about half of the mug before he drifted off, clinging to Cas's arm, and Cas was more than happy to join him.

Dean's morning alarm woke them both, but Dean switched it off and didn't move.

Cas rolled over and put a hand on Dean's shoulder. 'Are you still sick?' Cas murmured.

Dean nodded.

'Do you want me to call in for you?'

Dean pushed himself up slightly and grabbed his phone. He opened his mouth to try and talk, but nothing more than a husky whisper came out.

'I'll do it,' Cas said, taking the phone from him. He fiddled with it a moment, since the buttons were different than the ones on his own phone. 'Hello, this is Castiel Winchester, could I please speak to Dean's manager?'

Dean reached over and grabbed Cas's leg.

'Yes, I'm just calling to let you know that Dean won't be coming in today, he's sick. No, he can't talk right now - no, he literally can't talk, he has laryngitis.'

Dean gestured for Cas to pass it over, made some croaking noises down the phone, and gave it back.

'Yes, I'll let you know when he's better,' Cas said. 'Thank you.' Cas put the phone down, and put a hand to Dean's forehead. 'You're warm,' he murmured. 'A little fever, I think.'

Dean nodded.

'You wait here, I'll get you some breakfast.'

When Cas came back from the kitchen, Dean was sitting up, but he was shivering.

'Here. It's oatmeal. You should be able to eat it. The fruit is for me,' he added at Dean's wrinkled nose.

Dean made some more croaking sounds.

'No, we don't need to call Jody. I can take care of you today.'

Dean looked doubtful, and Cas ran his hand through Dean's hair.

'I've got you,' he said. 'Now eat your breakfast.'

That day, Cas kept a notebook with him while he walked around the house, so he could keep track of Dean's temperature, and what medicine he had taken, when he had taken it, and what food he'd eaten.

'What are you doing?' he asked, when he found Dean wandering into the living room.

Dean's voice was all but gone, so he pointed at the TV, then himself.

'You're bored?'

Dean nodded vigorously.

'All right, lay down on the couch, I'll get you a blanket.' He draped it over Dean, then Dean patted the couch beside him. 'Movies it is,' Cas smiled, as Dean cuddled close to him.

Dean drifted off again not long after they started a movie, still clinging to Cas and shivering slightly.

Sam called that afternoon to check in. 'Hey, how's Dean?' he asked.

'He's asleep,' Cas told him. 'But his fever's starting to go down.'

'That's good. He doing his falling asleep to movies thing?'

'He is, and he's kind of… attached,' Cas said, adjusting his arm in Dean's grip.

'Yeah, he gets a little clingy when he's sick,' Sam laughed.

'Is that so?' said Cas, smiling fondly at Dean.

'Good luck,' Sam sniggered. 'I better get back to work. I'll check in later.'

'Bye, Sam.'

Cas then put down the phone, and shuffled as close as he could to Dean. 'I like taking care of you,' he whispered to Dean, who just reached an arm across Cas in his sleep. 'I hope you're enjoying it too.'

Then Dean finally woke up, and looked blearily up at him.

'Hello,' Cas said to him.

'Hi,' Dean breathed, moving closer again until he was leaning into Cas's chest.

'Your voice is coming back,' Cas said to him.

'Mm.'

Cas put on another movie, which Dean also didn't watch, and enjoyed the comfort of Dean pressed against him, even if it was a little too warm for his taste. Soon, though, Cas started to get hungry. He tried to extricate himself from Dean, but he was deeply asleep. Cas looked around the room for a solution, and found it in Hoagie. He called the dog up to the couch, and put him in Dean's arms, so Dean finally let go of Cas. Cas tucked the blankets back around them both, and kissed Dean's forehead. He took a moment to gaze at Dean's peaceful, if somewhat flushed face. It felt good to have a purpose, even if all it was, was bringing Dean a glass of orange juice to help him feel better.

When Cas next shook Dean awake, it was with a warm bowl of soup.

'Hungry?' Cas asked. 'This is…' His mind went completely blank, and he stared at the bowl. 'Um.'

Dean gave him a sympathetic look.

'It's soup of… some kind… Jody made it. I'm still not good with hot surfaces - Anyway.' He sat down with Dean, and put the bowl in his lap.

Dean sipped it carefully, small spoonfuls at a time. His voice was coming back, but his throat was still sore and swollen.

'You feeling any better?' Cas asked. 'Your fever broke.'

Dean, looking more awake than he had all day, nodded, and lightly stroked the back of Cas's hand. 'Thanks,' he said in a raspy voice.

'You're welcome.'

Dean stayed off of work for a few days, allowing Cas to take care of him, and saying very little, even when Cas forgot to put milk in his cereal. Soon, he was back at work, though it was with an extra kiss on the cheek for Cas whenever he left.

Cas began fussing over Dean whenever he was in the house, making him take vitamins, and an extra glass of orange juice.

'Cas, are you talking about this with Penny?' Dean asked, after another glass of orange juice one evening. 'I'm worried you're getting obsessive again.'

Cas nodded. 'I can see why you would feel that way. I spoke about it with Penny, and yes, your being sick triggered it a little, but we have it under control. And really, Dean, orange juice is good for you, and you could stand to eat a little more fruit.'

'As long as you're okay.'

'I am.'

Dean smiled and finished his juice. Then his phone buzzed, and he grabbed it. 'No way!' he exclaimed.

'What?'

'We just landed a huge client at work, this is so awesome. He has a whole garage of classic cars, and he's bringing all of them over for a service next week!'

'That's amazing, Dean!'

'Wow, okay, looks like I'm gonna be busy with them for a while…' he trailed off, staring down at his phone. 'They want me to work on all of them.'

'Really? How many of them are there?'

'Twelve.' Dean suddenly looked a lot less excited.

'Dean?' Cas said, concerned. 'Will you be all right?'

'Yeah, yeah, it's fine, it's just - a lot. But it'll be fine.' His phone buzzed again. 'Oh, hey, they want to celebrate after work tomorrow, are you okay if I'm late home?'

'Of course.'

'Sweet.'

'You want me to make you some dinner for when you come home?'

'I appreciate the gesture, but no thanks.'

Cas laughed. 'Fair enough.'

It was strange how quiet the place was when Dean went back to work, but Cas soon distracted himself with his paintings, trying to figure out the beach again. He lost track of time, and was surprised when Dean came in. 'Did you have a good time out?' Cas called to him.

There was no response, and when Cas looked up at the clock, he realised that Dean was home earlier than he was expecting. 'Dean? You're early.'

Dean walked into the dining room, extremely distressed, clenching his fists over and over.

'What's wrong?' Cas said, alarmed.

'I - I - '

'Tell me.' Cas stood up and took Dean's hands.

'I was at the - the party - and there was champagne-'

'You didn't-?'

'No, no, I left, but I - is it hot in here?' Dean sat down at the table, tugging at his shirt. His breath was shallow, and his eyes were wide.

'Dean-'

'Cas - I can't - '

'Dean, Dean,' Cas said, dropping his voice to a more soothing tone, and sitting next to Dean. He saw the stress and weariness on Dean's face plainly, and wanted nothing more than to smooth it away. 'It's all right. You're having a panic attack. You're going to be fine, just breathe, like you taught me. Do you want me to count?'

Dean nodded, and Cas helped him slow down.

'I'm sorry,' Dean said, still a little breathless. 'You never usually see me like this, I'm sorry.'

'It's okay,' said Cas, continuing in his soothing voice. 'I think, perhaps you should call Benny.'

Dean nodded. 'Yeah. Gimme my phone.'

Cas passed it, and made himself busy getting glasses of water while Dean spoke to Benny.

'This is so stupid,' said Dean, shakily sipping his water. 'I can be around alcohol, I'm not - '

'Don't be so hard on yourself.'

'This is dumb.'

'It's not dumb. It'll hit you harder sometimes, and that's okay.'

Cas was suddenly struck by a memory, from not long after they started dating. Of Dean admitting everything to him, and showing him the few chips he'd earned. He'd worn a similar expression then. 'Things have been stressful for you lately, so it's understandable.'

'I'm not stressed.'

'You are,' Cas insisted. 'You have a lot going on, you're spread very thin right now, and all these new things happening at work aren't helping.' Cas paused for a moment, then said. 'I've been thinking that we should get some help.'

'What do you mean?'

'Listen, Dean, I'm not easy to care for - no, listen to me. You can deny it all you want, but I am a burden to you. You work all day, on really important cars, and then you come home to me, and you have to take care of me, and make sure I remember everything.'

'But-'

'Even when we were on vacation, we were supposed to be relaxing, but you were so stressed about making sure I took my meds on time that you forgot to take yours.'

'That's not true-'

'It is.' Cas sighed. 'Dean, I'm only going to get worse.'

'You won't.'

'I will. We have to face facts, Dean. I'm going to get worse, and I want the time we have together to be happy. I don't want you to be so stressed and worn out all the time, that you can't enjoy yourself.'

'So what are you suggesting?'

'I think we should get a care nurse. Part-time. Just to help me during the day, so it takes the stress off of you in the evenings.'

'But, Cas-'

Just then, the side door opened.

'Benny is here,' Cas said. 'Think about it?'

Dean nodded, and Cas left them to it.

Dean crawled under the covers next to Cas a few hours later, once he'd finished talking with Benny. 'Hey,' he whispered to Cas.

'Are you feeling better?'

'Yeah, I am.'

To Cas's surprise, Dean pulled him in for a hug, arms wrapped around him.

Dean took a long, deep breath, running his hands through Cas's hair. 'I think you're right,' he murmured. 'You're always right.'

'I want what's best for you, Dean.'

'And I want what's best for you, so we should see about that care nurse.'

'I'll ask Alex, I'm sure she knows some good ones.'

'Yeah.' Dean sniffed and wiped his eyes.

'Wh- Dean, why are you crying?'

'I thought I could - I thought-'

'It's okay to admit you need help, Dean,' Cas told him, pulling away so he could look Dean in the eyes. 'You've done everything you could, but you need time for yourself as well.'

'I'm sorry that I couldn't…'

'What? Do everything? Work full-time and care full-time? You're not superhuman, Dean.'

'I wanted to be. For you. I wanted to be enough-'

'You are enough, Dean. More than enough.' He stroked Dean's cheek. 'You're strong, and kind, and thoughtful. You're perfect, you - you're - ' Something clicked in Cas's mind, and before he knew what he was doing, he closed the gap between them, and kissed Dean.

Dean pulled away in shock. 'Wait - what are you - what?'

'I'm so sorry,' Cas gasped. 'I don't know why I did that.'

'No, it's fine. I don't know what to say, I guess I'm just confused,' Dean stammered, sitting up.

'Me too, but I-' Cas hesitated, his lips tingling, pushing himself up next to Dean. 'I want to do it again.'

'You - you do?'

'Maybe you were right, maybe it doesn't matter whether or not I remember. Maybe all that matters is that you're here, and I'm here. What do you think?'

'I think - I think - I mean, you know how much I want to -'

Cas didn't let him finish, and kissed him again, gently holding his neck. Cas felt Dean relax under his fingers, only gasping slightly in surprise, when Cas's tongue slipped past his lips.

The blankets rustled around them, and Cas was on his knees, pressing himself as close to Dean as possible, his hands tightly bunched up in Dean's shirt. He breathed in Dean's scent, his nose brushing against Dean's face. It was so right and natural that he couldn't believe they hadn't been doing it the whole time. He pushed Dean against the headboard, and Dean's hands worked their way up to Cas's waist, where they gently held him.

'Wait, Cas,' Dean mumbled, breaking away slightly. 'Wait, I have stop.'

'What's wrong?' Cas asked, breathing heavily.

'I just - if we're not going to - I can't-' Dean leaned his head against the wooden frame, trying to calm himself down.

Cas gazed at him, heart racing, still on his knees. Something had awoken in him, and his whole body was on fire, seeing Dean as he should have been seeing him. Cas hesitated, but only for a moment before he was kissing Dean again, and moved a leg over, so that he was straddling Dean.

Dean stopped again, holding Cas by the hips. 'Are - are you sure about this? You're shaking.'

'So are you,' Cas said breathlessly. 'I'm sure. Are you?'

Dean pulled Cas back down to his mouth. 'Yes,' he whispered.

Cas kissed Dean with renewed vigor, and quickly pulled Dean's shirt off. He ran his hands over Dean's shoulders and chest, hovering over his tattoo for a moment, while Dean fumbled with the buttons on Cas's pajama shirt. He grazed his lips along Dean's collarbone, and up his neck, nuzzling his nose behind Dean's ear.

'Go slow, Cas,' Dean whispered. 'Go slow.'

'All right, Dean.'

Though he had no memories of ever being with Dean in this way, it was all so familiar. His body remembered exactly how to move and when, though he forced himself to move excruciatingly slowly. Dean looked as though he could be overwhelmed at any moment.

He was careful, and never stopped encouraging Dean, comforting with his hands and praising with his lips.

Afterwards, Dean had his face against Cas's bare chest, both of them breathing heavily. He squeezed Cas a little too tightly.

'Are you all right?' Cas asked. His head was heavy, and he was suddenly very tired.

Dean nodded.

'Dean? Are you upset?'

'No, no, I…' he trailed off, wiping the tears from his face. 'Sorry, this is so embarrassing, this never happens to me.' He gave a watery chuckle.

'Never?'

'Well, one other time.'

'When?'

Dean groaned and rolled his eyes.

'Tell me.'

'Fine, fine. It was on our wedding night.'

Cas laughed, and kissed Dean softly. 'You're very sweet.'

'Yeah, I guess I am.'

'Let's go get cleaned up.'

'Sure.'

They were back in their pajamas after their shower, and cuddled up together in bed.

'How do you feel?' Dean asked, swirling a finger over Cas's temple.

'Good,' Cas murmured, already falling asleep. 'Normal. What about you?'

'I feel great.'

'I bet you do.'

'Come on, now,' Dean laughed. 'It's too soon for jokes.'

'Is it? You know I'm not good with social cues.'

Dean scooped Cas into his arms. 'Go to sleep.'

'I already am.'

They both fell asleep warm and happy that night, closer than they had been in a long time.

Welcome back everyone! Thanks to Eyum daRelmera, AGirlIntheGalaxy, VegasGranny, The Communist Unicorn and Guest for the reviews!

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and I'll see you again soon!