TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF ABUSE, NON-CON, ATTEMPTED RAPE, DRUGGING. If you have any questions before reading this, please don't hesitate to message me.
Blaine asked his mom if she minded Kurt coming home with him when he came to visit her in a few days. She was beyond excited to be able to meet his new boyfriend. They hadn't dropped the soulmate bomb on her yet, feeling it would be better to do in person than over text messages or a phone call. Blaine also double-checked Kurt's flight information to make sure it was the same as his, and, to their amazement, they had seats right next to one another.
While Blaine was texting back and forth with his mom, Kurt spoke with Liliana and informed her that he would be checking out when Blaine did. She was afraid that Kurt was not happy there, but he reassured her that he was very happy. Kurt had told her that he and Blaine had fallen in love and didn't want to spend the three days their trips didn't overlap apart. She was happy for them both and wished them luck, citing that Kurt would find a refund for the days he wouldn't be there back in the account he had paid with.
The remainder of their vacation was fairly uneventful. They strolled around the town and took in the sights as well as purchased souvenirs for their family and friends. They swam and cooked together during the day. At night, the boys continued to have flashes of dreams, but nothing more definitive than a snippet of a scene. And, they made love. Oh boy, did they make love. Blaine was getting more and more used to Kurt's size, which meant they were able to try new positions and have sex more frequently, neither one scared anymore that Kurt was going to harm his soulmate in some way. Kurt still took his time; he would never chance hurting Blaine due to negligence on his part.
They continued to talk about everything and nothing, including an awkward conversation about Kurt's crush on Finn that somehow morphed into how he had become a terrific brother and friend to Kurt. Blaine got emotional when he spoke about his complicated relationship with Cooper, about how it had started off strained for so many years due to their age difference but then morphed to one of protectiveness and love, particularly after the Sadie Hawkins dance. He also talked about how some of his 'friends' in high school only wanted to be friends with him because of who his brother was.
After one night of dream watching, both boys noticed another similarity between them: they each seemed to have spent a lot of time with a female friend. Blaine knew that Kurt's friend was named Rachel after seeing her in Kurt's dream about Chandler, and it was obvious how different Kurt became when he spent time around her. Blaine's friend was a mystery to Kurt, but Blaine, too, seemed to almost be a different person in her presence. The next morning, which happened to be New Year's Eve, they both knew they would have to talk about it.
Kurt started, "Shall I tell you about my friend? Or would you rather go first?"
"Can you go first?" Blaine asked quietly, needing to gather strength before he would be able to discuss her.
"Of course," Kurt said, placing a kiss on Blaine's forehead. "Do we want to go get something to eat and have some coffee first? Or just jump right in?"
"Food and coffee, definitely," Blaine answered immediately. "I'm honestly not sure I'll have much of an appetite after I tell my side of things."
"Alright," Kurt replied. "I'll meet you downstairs in a few. I just need to run to the restroom and brush my teeth and stuff."
Blaine looked at Kurt, not saying anything for a few moments. He needed to ground himself in those eyes and feel the love that was radiating from Kurt's being. Seeing her in his dream had brought back so many upsetting memories, and the idea of talking about her was making his head feel like everything around him was spinning. After taking a deep breath, Blaine nodded and was able to get out of bed.
They had a simple breakfast, and there wasn't a lot of conversation. Both boys, but mostly Blaine, were gearing up for what was sure to be a very unpleasant morning. They both knew that they would get through it; that wasn't the issue. Both of the people they were going to discuss had hurt each of them severely, and reopening old wounds, especially ones as deep as these ones were, was never an easy thing.
When they were finished eating, cleaning up, and doing everything they could think of to prolong the talk, they went into the living room. To stall just a little bit more, Blaine started at the fire and grabbed a blanket to cuddle under. He knew he would need to have as much surrounding him as possible to stay grounded and in the present, rather than let himself get sucked into the past.
Finally, when he could stall no more, Blaine sat down on the sofa next to Kurt. Kurt could sense the tension and unease wafting from his soulmate. "Love?" Kurt asked. "We don't have to do this now if you don't want to. I can sense that whoever that was did something horrible to you."
"I want to tell you everything; I really, really do," Blaine breathed. "It's just…talking about her is going to open up so many old scars and wounds and…I'm going to need you to hold me through it. And I'm probably going to cry, and stutter, and just really lose my shit." He shook his head sadly, staring down at his hands.
"I've got you, Blaine," Kurt reassured him. "You're safe with me, and I will do everything I can to help you through this. Here. Why don't we do this?" Kurt motioned for Blaine to stand up. He then repositioned himself on the couch so that his back was up against the arm and his legs were stretching out over the length of it. Then, he beckoned for Blaine to sit in between his legs with his back to Kurt's chest. Finally, Kurt wrapped the blanket around them both and pulled his soulmate in snuggly against him.
"That…" Blaine said with a breathy sigh, "feels so, so good, baby."
"I'm glad," Kurt replied and kissed Blaine's temple. Taking a calming breath, he began the saga of his old friend.
"Rachel Berry used to be what I considered my best friend," Kurt began. He was over the bitterness now. Time had healed a lot for him. Well, time and Santana. "Actually, let me rephrase that. Before I knew what a true friend was, I thought Rachel was my friend. I honestly didn't have anything to do with her until I was contemplating joining the glee club during my sophomore year. She saw me by the sign-up sheet and basically bullied me into joining so that I could help her be a star. That really should have been my first clue to run far, far away." He paused and shifted a bit, the scene he was describing playing through his mind. "But, you see, I didn't have any friends back then. None. I was a loner and there were absolutely zero prospects on the horizon for any potential friendships at all. And I so desperately wanted to fit in somewhere. So, I joined and let her bully me off and on for the next three years until my decision about college came around."
"I'm sorry you were so lonely," Blaine said when Kurt paused for a moment. He squeezed the arms encircling his middle.
"It wasn't your fault," Kurt replied. "Thank you for the sentiment, though." After another breath, he continued on. "I know there were more things she did than what I'm going to tell you about. These are just the ones that stick out in my mind. She drunkenly kissed Seb during a game of 'Spin the Bottle' and then asked him out on a date. He had had another fight with his mom about his sexuality not long before that and agreed to go through with the date, thinking that maybe if he dated a girl, he would like it and wouldn't have to fight with his mom so much. Rachel rubbed it in my face that he liked her more than me because he hadn't asked me out, and it took everything I had not to slap her."
"That selfish bitch!" Blaine exclaimed, grasping Kurt's hands tighter in support.
"Pretty much!" Kurt agreed. "When the bullying got to the point where my life was being threatened-"
"WHAT?" Blaine shouted. He twisted to look back at Kurt's face. "You never said your life was threatened! I'm guessing that was the event that led you to change schools?"
"Yeah," Kurt said softly, not really wanting to relive that day but knowing that he wanted Blaine to know everything about him, even the ugly parts. "There was this one jock at my school who had it out for me. Sure, he picked on the other 'weaklings' too, but with me, it always seemed worse and a bit more personal. One day, he pushed me to my limit, and I ran after him to confront him. Seb had given me the courage to be able to do that. Anyway, he was in the locker room, and we yelled at each other for a bit. Then, he kissed me. The asshole stole my first kiss!" Kurt sighed, letting his forehead fall onto Blaine's shoulder for a moment.
"A few days later, he cornered me again, asking me if I told anyone about the kiss. I hadn't and wouldn't have, either. No matter how bad of a person someone is, I don't condone outing anyone against their will. He didn't believe me when I told him that, though, and threatened to kill me if I told anyone then walked away. I didn't know what to do. My dad had just recovered from his heart attack not long before, and I didn't want to bother him. Really, I didn't. But it all got to be too much, and I caved and told him about all of the bullying, including the threat, but not the kiss. The next day, he pulled me out of school, and I transferred."
"You are so brave, my love," Blaine said, snuggling back toward Kurt and squeezing his arms again. "I am so glad you were able to find a place that you were safe at and could learn without fear of being harmed in any way. Can I ask...whatever happened to the boy?"
"Well," Kurt said, "he transferred schools later that year and tried to kill himself when the pressure of his sexuality became too great for him. Apparently, someone had seen him out with some other guy and the rumors started flying from there. It was that attempt that changed him, I think. He came out to his dad, and his mom left them both because she 'wouldn't have an abomination as a son' or stay married to anyone who accepted said abomination. He tried to apologize to me once, but I wasn't ready to hear it at the time and he respected the boundary I set. When I finally was ready, I let him apologize to me, told him I accepted it and that I'd forgiven him, and we've never spoken since."
"Wow…" Blaine said, in awe of his soulmate. "You are the strongest man I've ever known. I'm not sure I would be able to forgive someone who threatened my life like that and put me through that much hell." "That bitch did so much damage to me, I'm not sure I could ever forgive her," he thought.
"That's the thing, though," Kurt explained. "Forgiveness isn't about the other person. They have to live with the things they've done and that's their burden to carry. It's up to them whether they learn and improve or continue to be a hateful and hurtful person. Forgiveness is about you, and whether or not you want to continue to live with the blackness someone has put on your heart. I was done carrying around that hurt, so that's why I forgave him. He could no longer hurt me if I didn't give him the power to. Forgiveness, for me, was about taking back my power."
"Maybe I'll be able to forgive the people who have hurt me, too, someday," Blaine whispered. "I'm tired of the black spots they've left inside of me, the darkness and sadness and self-doubt suffocate me sometimes."
"You can," Kurt answered. He rubbed his hand up and down Blaine's arm. "Sweetheart, you can do anything you set your mind to, and if you need help with forgiveness, I'll help you in any way I can."
"I'd love that," Blaine replied and turned around for a kiss. "I'm sorry I derailed us a little, baby. Could we continue on?" he asked when they pulled apart.
"Of course," Kurt answered. "So, where was I? Oh yeah, having to switch schools and Rachel being Rachel. I already told you that she called me a coward for 'running away' to another school. In actuality, she was pissed because, without me, the glee club was a member short and had to scrounge up someone else to compete at Sectionals. She witnessed some of the torment I went through yet only cared about herself. When Carole and my dad got together, she used me and our friendship to get closer to Finn. I can't count the number of times she involved me in their fights, trying to get me to take her side. I ended up having to transfer back to my old school because of financial stuff and my parents not being able to afford private school tuition. So, when I ran for student body president my senior year, I saw Rachel for who she really and truly was. I really wanted to make a change in our school and ran with the platform to decrease the bullying I could, and she knew that. But she ran against me to pad her extracurriculars for college applications. She knew that I was the best candidate to really bring some change to our school. She felt like her need for padding her application was bigger than my need of really making a change at our school. After she got the lead in the school play, she dropped out the race because she didn't need this extracurricular and 'backed' my campaign. To make up for running against me, she stuffed the fucking ballot boxes so I was sure to win. I ended up not winning because she overstuffed them."
"I cannot believe...well, I guess I can believe it, but that's beside the point," Blaine stumbled over his words. "I am so, so sorry you had to go through all of that. I know it wasn't my fault, and there was nothing I could have done to stop it. But jeez, baby, that fucking sucks! Where is Rachel now?"
Kurt giggled, and really, he didn't feel as bad about it as he maybe should. Perhaps time had healed more wounds than he'd thought when they first started talking. "She got offered a part in the revival of Funny Girl, the lead to be exact, on fucking Broadway. She took it and dropped out of NYADA at the same time citing that 'being a star was taking up too much of her time.' After a handful of shows, she was offered a pilot for a TV show starring herself and left her dream role, playing her idol, for something that wasn't even guaranteed. She went to LA to shoot it and the show flopped. It flopped hard. She couldn't get back into school, and the theater had already blackballed her. I honestly have no idea where she is now, nor do I care at this point." He giggled again then stopped abruptly.
"No, it doesn't make you a bad person," Blaine answered the unasked question. "Remember, I know you, and I know that you're worried right now about not feeling bad for her fucking up so badly. You're a good person, Kurt. This is her karma coming back to bite her in the ass. Maybe she'll learn from it, and maybe she won't. But either way, none of it is on you."
He breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you for that," Kurt said and placed a kiss on Blaine's temple. "That's about all on Rachel."
Blaine knew it was his turn to tell his story now. Instantly, his palms were sweaty, and his body tensed. "Has anyone ever come into your life when you were at one of your lowest points and done everything they could to keep you there, all the while pretending to be helping you?" he whispered.
Kurt could sense this was a rhetorical question, so he just let Blaine have his time to gather his thoughts, tightening his grip around him. He nuzzled in close to Blaine as well, hooking his chin over his shoulder and kissing his neck gently, trying to give him as much physical contact as possible.
"You know that you and Eric helped me through my dad's passing," Blaine went on. "That was one of the two lowest points in my life. The other one was when I caught Eric cheating on me. That's when she essentially became a permanent fixture in my life. It was like she could fucking sense my loneliness. And now that I've lived some and been to therapy, I know what to look for in people and when to trust my gut, you know?"
Again, this was a rhetorical question, and Kurt just continued to let Blaine talk about this, in whatever way he needed to and in whatever order he needed to. He could feel his soulmate's grip tighten around him
"Myra started at my school in our senior year. Her family had just moved into the area, and instead of going to the public school in town, she came to my school. Well, not my school exactly since it was an all-boys school. She went to the sister school that was on the same campus. Basically, we all went to the same school, but we were separated for classes. I know, it's weird, but that's how it all worked. Anyway…She was nice at first, to be honest. My therapist later called what she was doing 'grooming.' With Eric away at college, me struggling with him being gone and not communicating with me as well as not seeing him every day like I was used to, and struggling with the death of dad, she stepped up and sort of took Eric's place as my friend and confidant. She very subtly started planting seeds of doubt in my head about Eric and would tell me that he probably found somebody better than me at college. She would point out that nobody in their right mind would want a high school boyfriend while they could get all the ass they wanted at college."
"Sounds like a manipulative little bitch to me," Kurt thought, still not wanting to interrupt his soulmate.
"So, it continued like this right up until I caught him cheating. Of course, like a dumb ass, I called her on my way home and told her what had happened. She wanted me to come over to her house so she could 'comfort' me, but only after she told me how she had been right all along and how I should have just listened to her in the first place. I didn't go over there, though. I was too fucking tired, hurt, and just plain done with the day, so I went home. Not only was I dealing with the whole Eric fiasco, but I was also still mourning my dad since I caught him cheating on the anniversary of his death, remember?"
"I do remember," Kurt said softly in Blaine's ear. He gave him a temple kiss for strength, sensing that the story was going to get much, much worse.
"That weekend, she came over to hang out and keep me company while my mom went to do a bunch of shopping, and she...she said to me..." Blaine stuttered at the memory, tears fogging his vision. "Sh-she said, 'Ar-aren't y-y-ou glad-d-d..." Blaine stopped and took a breath, knowing that this was the hardest part. These words that she said to him were what he avoided more than anything. He gathered his strength so he could say it all at once. "'Aren't you glad your dad wasn't here to see how badly you failed at this?'" He started sobbing, stuttering his way through what he wanted, no, needed, to say next. "And th-the thing was, I b-b-believed h-her. I…I let her con-convince me that it w-was all my fault th-that Eric did that to m-me and that m-my d-d-dad would have been ashamed of-f me." Blaine was breathing heavily now and sobbing.
Kurt tightened his grip on Blaine, hoping the pressure would help to ground him, and told him how brave he was and how loved he was. He hoped that it would comfort him and help him calm down. After a few minutes, it seemed to do the trick, and Blaine was calm enough to talk again.
"This kind of stuff happened off and on between then and graduation," Blaine explained. "I would get down on myself or have a really shitty day, and she would be there for me in what seemed like a positive way at times, but would also kick me down further at other times. Really, however, it was to lure me back into a false sense of security only to fuck with my head in the next moment. What ended it all, though, was our graduation party. All of the seniors and their guests were all having a good time, listening to music and drinking. She, um…she slipped something into my drink and then several minutes later led me up to a secluded room to 'talk.'"
"No," Kurt thought. "No, no, no, no, no. I will fucking end this bitch."
"By the time we got to the room, I was somewhat stuck in my body, but could understand what was going on. Kind of," Blaine continued, more pissed than sad. "She told me that she was only ever my friend for my money. She said…she said that she wanted to get pregnant, so my money would always be tied to her. I had told her about the inheritance that I would get when I turned 18, which happened to be a month after graduation. Anyway, she undid my pants and tried to, you know, get me hard. She kept telling me that since I wasn't picking up on her advances, she had to find a way to do this the 'hard' way. I was a teenage boy, so, of course, with enough stimulation, I got hard. I didn't want to. When they took me to the hospital later and did a toxicity screen, they found traces of viagra. Seeing her true colors so blatantly made me more furious than I can describe." Blaine took a breath to calm himself and then chuckled.
"What's funny?" Kurt asked, horrified and beyond livid at what his soulmate had been through. "I can't find anything you've said about this girl to be funny at all. She is a user, plain and simple. She uses people to get what she wants, no matter who she has to hurt in the process and by any means possible, it would seem."
"Oh, I agree with you there. She's an awful human being and deserves what came next. What I was laughing about was, as she was leading me up to the room, my brother was calling me to let me know he and mom were back home after their movie," Blaine said with a smirk on his face. "I answered it on instinct, muscle memory if you will, but I couldn't say anything due to how the drug was hitting me at that point. It was like my body was moving on autopilot, but it wouldn't do what I wanted it to. A couple of weeks later, when I was in one of my therapy sessions, my therapist told me that it sounded like my 'fight, flight, or freeze response' kicked in, and apparently, my trauma response is to freeze. That's why I couldn't call out for help or talk to Coop." He heaved a sigh of relief. The worst part was over now.
"Anyway, I'm so fucking thankful that I was at least able to answer that call. One thing you have to know about Cooper is that he is horribly forgetful. So, he has that app on his phone that records every phone call. That way, if his agent calls and tells him about an audition, he will have it saved. He has this ritual...never mind. That's not important right now. You know enough about what I've told you about Coop the past few days that you know he's eccentric in his ways. Anyway, he heard what she was saying to me when she got me into the room and borrowed mom's phone to call 911 after telling her where to drive to since I had told them where I was going. The party was on the other side of town and he knew that the cops would get there before they would, but he still wanted to go. Cooper never did like Myra and had told me how bad she was for me. I couldn't see it then, though. Anyhow, he told the 911 dispatcher what he heard on the other end of the phone when I picked up and that he was recording it. Cooper told them where the party was, and since Darien is so small, the cops already knew where the party was being held and had patrol cars in the area rush over there. Things in my town had changed some since the Sadie Hawkins dance. My parents raised hell, like, serious hell, and since then, people had been much more open to the gay community. Anyway, when the cops got to the party, they stormed in, found the room she had me in, and arrested her right as she was straddling me and getting ready to drop down," he chuckled again. "Caught her with her pants down. As far as I know, the bitch is still rotting in jail for aggravated sexual assault and drugging me."
"Fuck, Blaine," Kurt muttered and took a few calming breaths. "Remind me to send your brother something really, really nice," Kurt said, still furious. "The police station in Darien, too."
"Her parents tried to bail her out," Blaine continued, almost finished with this horrible tale. "But there was enough evidence that even their money and status couldn't do anything to help her, and the presiding judge gave her the maximum sentence, 10 long years. After that whole ordeal, Mom and I agreed that I should go to therapy. I realized how much Myra had been manipulating and abusing me when all of these thoughts kept popping into my head and sounded exactly like her. When it was happening, I think I just shrugged it off, assuming that was just how she was, you know. Like a personality quirk or something like that. Whenever I come in contact with someone like her now, my intuition goes nuts, and I know that they aren't someone I want to be around at all."
"You are..." Kurt paused to rein in his emotions, "the strongest and most beautiful person I have ever had the privilege to meet. While we are sending nice things to people, we should send something to your therapist, too. I want to say one more thing, and then we can talk about anything you want to. Unless there's more you need to tell me."
"Nope," Blaine said, snuggling back into Kurt even more. "Nothing else. That's all there is with her, thank god."
"Alright," Kurt said. "I am even more honored that you trust me than I was before. For you to be able to give yourself up to me, to be as vulnerable as you are with me, Blaine…I can't even explain how much that means to me. I love you more than anything, and I am so, so blessed that you love me back."
Blaine turned around and crashed his lips into Kurt's. He poured all of his love, passion, and thanks into that kiss. That day was the very last time he ever thought about or talked about Myra. He forgave her in that very moment and erased the blackness she had left on his heart. She was a chapter in his book of life that he would never, ever reopen or revisit.
A/N: Coming up with names is sometimes a struggle for me, and I do searches for them. When coming up with the female in Blaine's backstory, I simply searched for "evil female names" and came up with Myra, which according to that site meant "evil." Lilith was a close second choice. :)