The next day at ten o'clock in the morning, Alice and Jasper showed up for Jasper's therapy session. Jasper had on a blue button down shirt and some dark wash jeans, and Alice had on a grey dress with some black leggings and a black sweater.
"Hey guys, how are y'all doing?"
"Alright," said Jasper, as they both came in.
"Alice, is it okay if I talk to Jasper by himself?" I asked.
"Ugh," she sighed, but she kissed him briefly on the lips, then walked out the door.
"Thank you," Jasper said, sitting down on the couch, "she knows everything, but it would be hard to admit the things I have done, with her next to me. I know she loves me unconditionally, but…"
"You don't want her to picture you like that."
"Yeah."
"I get it. Well, you have been to group, nothing leaves this room unless it is abuse or wanting to injure someone or yourself. I can't help things like Alice's vision or Edward's mind reading, though."
"They were very respectful of Esme."
"Good. Okay let's get started. What do you want to talk about?"
"Why is it so hard for me?"
"You mean resisting human blood?"
"The others are so good at it."
"Are they? If they were Edward would have sent you away and kept the rest of them here around Bella. He thought all of you were a danger to Bella."
"But I attacked her."
"How long have you resisted human blood?"
"Me? Since 1948. Why?"
"Carlisle has been resisting since 1720, Alice since 1920, Esme since 1921, Edward since 1931, Rosalie since 1933, Emmett since 1935. Not only that, but Carlisle found them all almost immediately and taught another way of life. You are a very different story. You fed on humans from 1863 to 1948, and then you just stopped. You can't do a drug for eighty-five years and then stop and not expect there to be consequences. You have not even been resisting human blood as long as you were feeding on it. Its okay to be bad at it."
"Really?"
"Hey, I was turned in 1940, and lived in the Volturi of all places. If Carlisle had not freed me and my mom that night, I would be in the same boat as you."
"How can I resist?"
"The first thing to do is to manage your self talk when you are around humans and want to feed."
"Self-talk, what's that?"
"It is what you think about yourself and to yourself. Like instead of thinking, hey I want to feed because I have no control because I am a monster, which gets you in a bad place and gets you worse, you think okay, I am thirsty, but I have been thirsty before and nothing bad has happened, so I can do this. That puts you in a place of confidence."
"I say that in my head?"
"Yes."
"Edward will judge me."
"Tell him I said to do it, and it is none of his business."
Jasper laughed.
"Another thing to do is to reach out to people like your family and Bella, and tell them that you do not feel well that moment. Maybe they can get you out of the situation, maybe they can't, but at least they can know what you are going through."
"Edward can read my thoughts, and Alice is like my rock. They are all really supportive."
"You have that base, so use it." He nodded. I thought for a minute about something else. "There is something else that helps, but it is difficult, so I want you to do it in small doses."
"What?"
"Form a relationship with people that you are around, like Bella, her father, and friends at school. That way when you want to feed, there is a relationship to fall back on."
He shifted uncomfortably on the couch, and ran his fingers through his golden locks. "I don't think I can do that. It is to risky."
"I am not suggesting a bosom friendship that you get discovered as a vampire," I said laughing, "but small relationships. Like when you get fixated on someone, ask them their name, where they're from, what are they did that weekend. Soon you will see that this person has a life and dreams and a future, and you don't want to feed off of them, and you will fight the craving."
"Oh," he said, "never done that before."
"My mom and I do it all the time."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"How do I get over being a horrible being? I mean I have done some unspeakable things. Everyone is so pure, even Edward only hunted murderers. I am a demon."
"Jasper, hon, I grew up in Volturi. I met demons. I served demons. They fed on hundreds at a time, kill for pleasure, and use their abilities to rule by fear. Aro would not be in therapy because resisting blood is hard. He has fake tours at six o'clock Central European Standard Time to feed on a hundred tourists a day. That's a demon. You are a casualty of war, and when Carlisle taught you a tough hard way to live that involved sacrifice and courage, you took it. You are a soldier, Jasper."
"That is what everyone is telling me."
"Maybe you should listen to us."
"Wait. Could Bella be the person that I try the whole becoming friends with?"
"I don't see why not. She is a human, and you are already spending time with her."
"I don't know a lot about her childhood, what she and Edward talk about when they're alone, or why she made friends with the wolves of all things."
"All wonderful things to ask her and I am sure she would be glad to tell you. How about we stop here, and that is your homework for next week, talk to Bella."
"Alright."