A/N I already had this finished last night.

Your responses about dealing with grief and losing someone close to you, meant the world to me. Sharing the pain makes it easier somehow. Thank you so much for sharing with me, and also for your kind words and digital hugs.

The Work-Life Balance Disruption

Chapter 19

Affections

Amy woke up groggily from her insistent alarm. She hadn't turned off her alarms last night, and had fallen asleep naked. Amy looked at her phone, and her mother's message was lit up on the screen.

Tears welled up in her eyes almost immediately.

Amy laid back down in bed and contemplated going to Caltech. The thought of getting dressed and going to work, watching the monkeys smoke or go crazy over nicotine-withdrawals, made her feel even worse. Amy pulled up her e-mail and typed a quick message to her supervisor, stating she was taking a personal day due to a death in the family.

She saw an unread e-mail from Dr Cooper as well.

From: S.L. Cooper, PhD
Subject: Performance review

Oh, right. She had asked him to grade her on her so-called oral skills. She silenced her phone and put it back on her bedside table.

Amy rolled her eyes at her past-self's lame attempt at flirting. Seriously, what was she thinking. She wasn't special to Doctor Cooper. She wasn't even special to her own mother.

Amy wondered where the delusions she ever felt special had come from. Her newfound friendship with Bernadette, and Penny as well, had given her a false sense of confidence.

It was all clear again to Amy just how insignificant she really was after the lack of interaction with her mother. Times like these she wished she had a sister or a brother to talk to. When she was younger, she had always thought that maybe she wasn't to blame, maybe it was just the way her mother was.

But after years of neglect in high school, being ignored at university, trying to join sororities but just ending up being bullied again, Amy had concluded that it probably was her.

After meeting Bernadette, Amy had finally realised that maybe she would get the social circle she had always dreamed of. But Doctor Cooper was just using her to get another notch on his bedpost, and Bernadette had been doing just fine without her. She probably would have gotten back together with Howard without her help.

Amy curled up in a ball, and cried into her pillow again.

How she longed for a warm maternal hug from Aunt Flora.

Aunt Flora always cheered her up. After Uncle George passed, she had been the one to encourage her to pursue a career in the hard sciences.

Amy wondered who would encourage her now. She surely didn't have the strength to do it herself now.

After a restless nap, Amy got up to eat something. She wasn't hungry, but her stomach growled angrily.

After a long period of indecisiveness, she called her parents' house. Her father answered the phone. He was a man of very few words – he preferred not to speak at all – and the conversation she had with him was of little comfort.

All she found out, was that her mother was over at the nursing home cleaning out the room Aunt Flora had occupied the last couple of years. She had died peacefully in her sleep. The priest had come by already to go over the ceremony that coming weekend.

Amy thanked her father for the information, and decided to call her mother anyway.

"Amy," her mother started as she answered, "this is not a good time. I'm at the nursing home and we're rather busy."

Amy didn't know why it still stung when her mother spoke to her without a hint of compassion.

"I know, Mom," she answered, "Dad told me. I was hoping you could hold something aside for me?"

"Please, Amy," her mother snapped, "now is not the time to go after her jewellery. I thought I had raised you better than this."

Amy blinked away tears. "I'm not after any jewels, Mom. I just wanted to know if she still had the music box with the ballerina in it. We used to listen to it. If no one wants it, I'd very much like to have it."

Her mother was silent for a moment. "That was a piece junk she bought at goodwill. I already threw it out this morning."

The iron fist around Amy's heart constricted once more. "Oh," was all she managed to choke out.

"Now, if that was all, I'm going to go now, Amy. We have a lot of work to do, and none of her children bothered to show up."

With that, her mother hung up, leaving Amy devastated.

Amy took a shower after the conversation with her mother, and didn't really bother to dress afterwards. Clad in a pair of panties and a tank top, she moved back to the couch. She didn't have many personal belongings with her – most of them where still stored at her parents' – but she did have a photo album from her youth.

She was looking at pictures of Aunt Flora and herself, and reminisced. She could almost smell the cloud of Chanel no. 5 that always surrounded her.

Amy had no idea how much time she had spent on the couch, alternating between crying and having tea and looking at pictures. It was dark out though.

All of a sudden, a series of knocks sounded at her door.

Amy got up of the couch, ready to open the door, when she realised she was basically dressed in her underwear. She moved back to the couch to grab a throw to put around her and called out to whoever was at the door.

"Who is it?"

She dropped the throw in shock when she received the answer.

"It's Sheldon."

Amy didn't know what surprised her more, the fact that Doctor Cooper was at her door, or the fact that he announced himself by his first name.

Deciding he had already seen more of her than the average physician, she didn't bother putting the throw around her. She opened the door, and gave him a blank look. She figured she must be quite a sight, her face puffy and blotched from crying, her hair tangled and an outfit that would put Penny to shame.

Doctor Cooper looked at her, uncomprehendingly. "Miss Fowler," he halted, "are you ill?"

Amy rolled her eyes, and turned around, taking a seat on the couch. He would probably let himself in anyway. Wouldn't be the first time. And surely, Doctor Cooper entered her studio, and closed the door behind him.

"No, I'm not ill," she replied for good measure.

His eyes swept over her form. Amy couldn't even care anymore what he thought of her current appearance. What was he doing here anyway?

"Why are you here?" she asked, crossing her arms under her breasts. He could probably tell she wasn't wearing a bra.

"We had an appointment this afternoon to discuss your paper and you didn't show," he said, his eyes looked anywhere but her practically naked body, "when I called you, you didn't answer."

Amy looked over at her phone. She had silenced it hours ago. She didn't assume anyone would miss her. She wasn't that special after all. "And when I didn't answer, you decided to just come over?" she asked, her voice laced with incredulity.

Doctor Cooper didn't even flinch. "When you didn't answer the third time, and you hadn't even seen the messages I sent you last night, I figured something might me amiss. A bobcat has been spotted in this neighbourhood, you know."

Amy just shrugged at his excuses.

"Are you upset about the performance review? Because that teeth remark was a joke."

Amy just glared at him.

"Not the review then," Doctor Cooper said quietly and took a seat next to her. He looked at the open photo album on the coffee table in front of them. "Will you tell me why you're upset?"

Amy really didn't want to. Why did he even pretend to be interested in her personal life? She had decided she would put a stop to whatever it was they were doing anyway.

But she felt naked dressed like she was, and wanted him to leave. She might as well tell him. Maybe the emotions would scare him off. Hadn't Penny once said he couldn't handle other people's feelings?

"My great-aunt passed away the day before yesterday and my mother informed me by text message," she muttered, the words catching in her throat. Tears welled up in her eyes. Stating it outright made it even more real somehow.

Amy turned away from his penetrating gaze.

"My condolences," Doctor Cooper said, but it sounded rehearsed. "Were you close?"

"Who? Me and my mother? Or me and Aunt Flora?" Amy snapped.

Doctor Cooper just looked back at her. The screen on her phone lit up.

Incoming call
Bernadette

"Are you going to answer that?" Doctor Cooper asked.

Amy just shrugged. She didn't want to talk to anyone. Let alone, repeat the news of Aunt Flora. Saying it out loud was inexplicably difficult.

"Bernadette," Doctor Cooper had taken the phone from the table and had the audacity to answer. Amy looked at him in shock. He seemed unperturbed as he listened to Bernadette's inquiries on the other end.

"No, she's alright. There's really no need to come over," he looked at her, his eyes posing the unasked question if she wanted company, Amy shook her head. "There's been a death in the family."

Amy could hear the high pitched noises Bernadette made through the earpiece of the phone.

"No, I just got here," Doctor Cooper answered. "That's really all I know. I'm sure she will contact you when she wants to talk."

Bernadette had said something that made him roll his eyes. "Of course I'm being nice, Bernadette. My mother taught me how to deal with someone upset. In fact, I'm going to hang up now to make a hot beverage. Goodbye."

He hung up almost angrily, and walked over to the kitchenette. Amy watched him fill the electric kettle with water. It seemed he wouldn't be leaving any time soon.

"I see you haven't purchased any chamomile since the last time I was here," Doctor Cooper spoke up, looking at her. "Would you prefer peppermint or Earl Grey?"

Amy cleared her throat. "Earl Grey, please," she mumbled.

He busied himself with the mugs and bags of tea.

Doctor Cooper sighed deeply suddenly, and his voice sounded hoarse when he spoke up.

"Would you mind putting on some more clothes? Your current appearance is causing a physical reaction completely inappropriate for the conversation we're about to have."

Amy blushed. The grief had numbed her, but his words still set her body ablaze.

She got up and walked over to her dresser. She pulled out a random t-shirt and a pair of leggings and put them on as she sat down on her bed. She returned to the couch and accepted the mug from Doctor Cooper's hands.

"Were you and your great-aunt close?" he asked again. He sat down as far away as possible from her on the couch. Amy figured he needed the physical distance.

"Yes," Amy muttered, suddenly realising how cold her hands were in comparison to the cup of tea she was holding. "I never knew my grandmother. Aunt Flora was her sister. She took me under her wing and treated me like one of her own grandchildren."

Doctor Cooper had stilled next to her. "She was like your Meemaw then?"

"My what?" Amy looked back at him confused. He seemed rather upset.

"I'm sorry, I should elaborate. I call my grandmother Meemaw," he said. He looked away, and the tone of his voice was soft when he continued. "I can see why her passing upset you. I don't know how I'd respond to Meemaw dying."

Amy didn't know why, but his honesty struck a nerve with her, and suddenly, she couldn't stop talking.

"Aunt Flora always smells like Chanel," Amy murmured, "and since she moved into the nursing home, it's Chanel combined with mothballs and Purell. Whenever she would hug me, the scent would engulf me and somehow stay in my nose for days. It felt like I was still with her, days after visiting her."

Amy flushed. Why was she telling him this?

But Doctor Cooper reached over and grasped her hand. He squeezed it softly.

"And she had this musical jewellery box, one where you have to tighten the screw at the back? Then, if you open it, the figurine inside it would turn. It had this ballerina inside, and she danced to Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake," her voice caught.

"That's a lovely tune," Doctor Cooper muttered.

"Yes," Amy replied bitterly, "I would have liked to have it as a keepsake, but my mother already threw it out."

The grip on her hand tightened. "Didn't she know you wanted it?"

"Oh, I bet she did," Amy muttered darkly, "Mom always hated how close we were. Aunt Flora and I would conspire against her, she'd say. She and Uncle George were always encouraging me to do well in school, but stay true to myself. My mother wanted me to study to be a doctor – of medicine, not the kind I'm studying for. But I choose the hard sciences and she always resented Aunt Flora for it. And now, Mom can use her death as a way to get back at me at last."

Amy laughed bitterly, but wanted to hit something instead. She was so angry with her mother.

"I guess I'm finally realising the truth in what she's told me all along. I'm not special or likeable."

She had been the biggest bully of all, Amy suddenly realised.

The realisation hit her like a ton of bricks.

Hot tears fell from her cheeks, and she shook with shock and anger.

The grip on her hand loosened, and suddenly, she was pulled by her waist, flush against Doctor Cooper's chest. She gasped at the impact, but grasped his shirt with both hands, breathing in his scent. His hands moved in soft caresses over her hair and back.

"I'm so sorry, Amy," he muttered in her ear. Amy's heart skipped a beat. He was calling her 'Amy' again.

"No mother should ever treat her child like this," he continued softly, "you are a smart, intelligent, young woman. Your aunt Flora must have been so proud of you."

Amy sobbed on his shoulder. She was pawning him, trying to get even closer. He was just so warm and his words were just what she needed to hear now.

A confirmation that she mattered.

"I'm not good with expressing emotions, but it pains me to see you like this. This is not the confident girl I've come to know the last few weeks," he paused, "and I don't know what this nonsense about you not being special or likeable is about. You are the first woman I've come across to rile me up the way you do, and I've yet to meet someone who wasn't completely charmed by you from the first moment they met you."

Her heart felt warm when his words registered. She sighed into his chest, the now familiar smell of fabric softener and talcum powder made her stomach churn. What was he saying? Had she charmed him?

"Don't let anyone, even your mother, stop you from doing what you want to do in life," his voice was low, and his breath felt hot against her ear.

Amy pulled back from his chest, and blinked up at him. His hand moved to her cheek and wiped away the tears there. He was looking at her intensely. Amy held her breath.

There was a shift in the air around them.

She knew she shouldn't, not after her earlier contemplations, but she needed it. Needed him. Craved him.

And hadn't he just said she shouldn't let anyone stop her from doing what she wanted in life?

She made up her mind. She shifted on the couch, grasped his shoulders and straddled his lap quickly. Doctor Cooper looked at her with wide eyes. His hands had automatically gone to her thighs. Amy bit her lip, her heart almost beat out of her chest. Her eyes moved to his lips.

Doctor Cooper gripped her thighs firmly. "Amy…" he muttered softly.

Amy couldn't take it anymore. She crashed her mouth against his. Kissing him like she hadn't ever done before. Hard, controlling. Rough. Passionate.

He groaned underneath her. His tongue swept across her lips, and she met him halfway. This tongue had done some wicked things to her just days before, and the memory made her moan in his mouth.

Amy ground down on the growing bulge between her legs, moving against him, desperate for some friction. She had gotten really aroused really fast.

Doctor Cooper held her legs still, and bucked up against her. Amy mewled.

He wanted her. She could feel it. Someone wanted her. And not just someone, Doctor Cooper. A man she was steadily developing feelings for that went further than just lust. And hadn't he sort of confessed to being into her just now?

Their mouths kept moving over each other, hot and wet and desperate.

Amy pulled his hands from her legs and brought them up to cover her breasts. Doctor Cooper breathed hard through his nose. She still didn't wear a bra, and his fingers found her nipples easily, pinching and twisting.

Amy lifted herself up slightly, and went to loosen the belt on Doctor Cooper's pants.

He pulled away, panting harshly. "Amy, stop."

Amy recoiled, and moved to climb of his lap, but he held her flush against him.

"Amy," he started, and turned her head so she had no choice but to look at him.

His eyes bore through her once again.

"You're upset. We shouldn't do this now."

Amy swallowed thickly, her heart constricted. He was right. She looked away from his face, ashamed for her loss of control just now.

But she just wanted to feel. The entire day she had felt numb. Drained from crying and the emotional pain her mother caused her.

She let out a shuddering breath.

Doctor Cooper pulled her face closer to his and pressed a soft kiss to her mouth.

"I'm not making love to you tonight," he murmured. "But I can make you feel good, if you'll let me."

To be continued