Breaking Free

Chapter 17:

Authors Note: I am so sorry everyone, life happened. I am trying to get back to my fan fictions to de-stress, and it seems learning to take 'me' time is hard. I hope you like the new update! Please leave a review and let me know what you think!

"Ouch…." Addison mumbles, and then coughs hard which makes her head feel like it has been loaded full of explosives and set on fire. She raises her hands to her head, finding a thick bandage. Someone must have cleaned and stitched up her wound. The events from the on-call room come back to mind and she puts up her guard. She silently assesses her injuries in her mind. She pauses, shakes her head slowly, and presses her lips together, trying to keep the tears from falling. From the location of the most demanding pain she knows. 'He raped me…. again.' she thinks, silently begging to fall under the powers of the medications again, but she is waking up, slowly gaining awareness.

"Addison, you're OK, don't try to speak, there is swelling in your throat." Amelia moves from the hard-uncomfortable chair next to the window over to Addison's bedside, checking the monitors, and adjusting the IV drip. Trying not to look down at her battered face. How many years had it been? It' hasn't gotten any easier. She is just relieved to see her waking up. Thanking GOD that she didn't somehow GORK her.

"What happened?" Addison asks waspishly, because why would she listen to instructions?

"You were found unconscious, you were attacked, you were found to have an acute subdural hematoma caused by blunt force. I had to do a craniotomy to stop the bleeding and remove the clot. You made it through the operation without incident, but in recovery you had a pretty bad seizure." Amelia explains slowly. Silently berating herself. 'pretty bad' way to go with your medical terminology genius. "We had to administer medication to stabilize you after you were found, and throughout the surgery. You were too weak for us to administer more without being at risk for cardiac arrest, so we had to wait it out. We don't know if there is lasting damage at this time." She says, and she can't help but give Addison a sympathetic look, as she begins the neurological examination.

"Don't look at me like that." Addison speaks slowly, gasping in between words, moving her hands to her neck and rubbing. Amelia winces, watching her press against the deep purple bruises.

"The police will be here to speak with you soon." She checks Addison's eyes for equal responsiveness.

"I don't want to press charges. Please Amelia I can't." She is crying now, a look of panic like a cow before slaughter in her eyes. Amelia marks a number on a form, and asks her to do simple things, if she knows her name, if she knows where she is, if she can count backwards from 100's by 7's . And the like assessing her cognitive function before continuing:

"Do you know who attacked you?"

"Who do you think?" Addison fires back. "I can't press charges Amelia you know what he'll do."

"That's your right, but Addison you really need to think about the implications of your decisions." She does a few more tests and marks the results on the forms before sighing in relief.

"I need Levonorgestrel." "Addison did he rape you?" Amelia asks directly, she hadn't had the full rundown of Addison's condition, just a brief overview, a briefing and a quick waiver to sign as she was operating on someone who was as well as family. She knew Bailey had ordered a rape kit, they had taken the pictures of Addison's injuries and the samples before Addison had woken from surgery, but the results hadn't come back yet. "I'm fine Amelia. It's not like it's the first time." She says shrugging, and Amelia gets a pained look, her heart breaking at the dismissiveness of Addison's tone. She just wanted to scoop her up, to hold her forever and protect her from everything.

"I'll get you the HIV cocktail, emergency contraceptive, STD prophylaxis. They took pictures of your injuries, did a pelvic and collected the rape kit while you were still sedated." She says, settling. Deciding anything else just now wouldn't be safe.

"Evidence was collected without my consent it will be inadmissible in court." Addison points out, "Please I just want the medication. I can't risk…. If I end up pregnant again, I will jump off the roof of this hospital, and who knows who else that skank intern has been sleeping around with." Addison grabs Amelia by the wrist, she is trying to remain strong, but her words are jumbled as she is trying not to cry so hard now that the machines are beeping, registering low oxygen.

"It was an accident, I just want to go home to my husband, please just let me go home." Addison says, and their eyes lock. She knows Amelia knows this wasn't an accident, it has never been an accident. Her lies are pointless.

"Mark signed the consent forms, apparently he is your emergency contact."

"Derek loves me Amelia."

"He is going to kill you."

"He's sick Amelia, he has a tumor the size of a grapefruit in his brain."

"That's not a fucking excuse, you could have died, you could still die from the damage he inflicted. You're practically my big sister, you're my best friend.… I can't…. I just…. I can't live in a world without you in it." Amelia is crying now, and Addison calls her to her. Amelia puts in the order for the medicine, and then sits down next to the hospital bed, resting her head in her hands. "You're OK." She whispers, more confirmation to herself than a question.

"I'm ok…." Addison repeats, stroking Amelia's dark black hair. "Amelia I'm fine." It's funny how quickly she can fall right back into the roll of comforting, when really, she was the one who should be comforted.

"You have to press charges…." Amelia says, looking up at Addison. "I don't care if he's dying. What he's done to you, all these years, it's unforgivable."

FLASHBACK

*almost a year after Addison and Derek's wedding*

"I'm getting a divorce." Addison says, pouring herself a glass of wine. Bizzy slaps her hard across the face, shocked Addison drops the glass, it shatters as she moves her hand to her face, staring at her mother in horror.

"I thought I raised you better than this!" Bizzy demands and Addison has to bite her tongue to retort that Bizzy didn't raise them at all. The 23 nannies did. She struggled not to bring up how she and Archer never formed that real attachment with anyone because the moment the only person in their lives who cared for them daily got settled in The Captain would start sleeping with her and by the end of the year she was gone and someone else would waltz in. Addison couldn't even remember all their names. The Montgomery Children, they had the best clothes, attended the best schools, had private lessons and anything a child could ever want, but they didn't have the one thing they needed. Their parents. They were more like accessories to their parents than children to be loved and cared for.

"Mother! He hits me. He pushed me down a flight of stairs. He made me lose the baby."

"Do not call me that." Bizzy hisses warning, selectively ignoring the rest.

"I'm sorry….Bizzy." Addison says with emphasis on her mother's name, rolling her eyes, but then transitions right back into her rant. "Please I have never asked you for anything in my entire life, but I need your help. He's going to kill me."

"Stop being so melodramatic. It's not that bad Addison."

"Is that all you have to say?" Addison asks outraged, not sure why she thought confiding in Bizzy of all people was the right move, but the least she could do is offer a kind word, or at least some kind of emotional support. "It's not that bad? Stop being dramatic? Are you living at my house? How would you know if it is 'that bad' or not?" She does the unthinkable and takes her shirt off right there in the kitchen for her mother to see. Her back, chest, stomach, and shoulders were a varying map of light green to dark purple. He only hits her where it can't be seen.

"You need to take a step back and ask your self 'What am I doing to cause him to do this to me?' and then work your way up from there." Bizzy gives Addison a look of disgust, downs whatever she is drinking, and tells her to put her shirt back on.

"Bizzy I'm scared….." Addison admits, scrambling to get her shirt on, fumbling with the buttons.

"He won't hit you if you don't make him so angry. Addison, I promise you that. Be submissive. Be a good wife and he will take care of you. It is a two-way street Addison. Do you really expect him treat you well if you are acting so undeserving of his love?"

"He treats our dog better than he treats me."

"Maybe you need to take lessons from the dog then."

END FLASHBACK

A nurse brings in the pills, and a huge plastic cup of ice water. Addison tilts the little medicine cup back and swallows the pills without even looking at them.

"She passed her neurological exam, she's OK Mark." Amelia says, looking up when Mark enters the room. He is carrying a vase of flowers, and a silly little coffee cup shaped plushy that says 'get well soon' on it attached to a balloon with the same character and 'I love you a latte…. Get well soon." Written on it. The things you can find these days in hospital gift shops is just… silly, Addison smiles when he hands her the gift, she smells the flowers and then he takes them and places them on the counter. "I believe the seizure was brought on by the immense amount of stress her body's been through over the last couple of weeks."

"Derek's in jail, without bond, pending investigation." Mark informs the group. Addison's face falls at this news. It was never supposed to go this far. Overwhelming anxiety begins building up inside of her, the urge to cut, to release some of the pressure, to punish herself for the 'bad' she's done so strong. She takes a breath. Trying to push all the big feelings down.

"Exactly where he needs to be." Amelia replied, nodding. She and her brother were so close growing up, but that changed when she found out what he was doing to Addison. No one deserves to face his wrath. Addison begins crying again, and Mark trades places with Amelia, sitting on the bed beside Addison and pulling her into his arms, holding her tightly until her breathing evens.

"I didn't want this…."

"I know, but sometimes needs outweigh wants." Mark squeezes her hand.

"I want to see Jazlynn. I need to see our baby." Addison says, out of the blue. Suddenly realizing just how full and uncomfortable her chest is. She knows she will have to pump and dump due to the wide variety of medications in her system, but it reminds her just how much she is missing the tiny baby. It's a weird thing. She had herself convinced she didn't want this child, throughout her entire pregnancy she was sure, but when she saw her that all changed. Suddenly the fact that she was here mattered more than how she got here.

Amelia and Mark look at each other Amelia shrugs her shoulders like 'what's it going to hurt' and Mark nods his head approvingly. They help Addison into a regular pair of pajamas, and then re secured her IV's and helped her into the wheelchair. Addison looked weary, just the time it took to get dressed in something other than that horrible hospital gown exhausting her. Mark pushes her, and Amelia pushes her IV's. When they get to the NICU they work together, helping her to scrub in, and put on the required paper gown and gloves over her clothing.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Mark asks, and Addison nods. She sits back down, and they wheel her over to Jazlynn's incubator. Amelia gently wraps her in a warm receiving blanket careful of the monitors and goes to lift her up, out of the incubator.

"Wait…. Amelia she's too small. We can't hold her yet; her skin is too delicate." Addison protests. The last thing they need is Jazlynn's skin cracking, and contracting an infection.

"She's fine Addison." Amelia says soothingly, "Yes you are, you're fine, aren't you? Auntie Amelia's little fighter." She coos, and Jazlynn looks up at her with big eyes, studying her. "We were given the all clear to hold her yesterday." She explains, as she hands the tiny bundle to Addison.

"Ohh…." Addison gasps, a flood of emotions coming as she holds the little girl in her arms for the very first time. "You're beautiful…" Before she can stop herself, she is holding her close, and crying all over her. Mark and Amelia look confused, but overall pleased. As Addison looks down on the little preemie, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, smiles.

Authors Note:

Thank you so much for reading chapter 17 of Breaking Free! What do you think is going to happen? Do you think that Addison will be able to keep and raise the baby? How do you think Mark would feel about that if she made that choice? Do you think he will agree and do everything in his power to help her raise this tiny baby girl or do you think he would convince Addison it is best to let her go, sticking with the original plan and putting her up for a chance at a better life? Please let me know :)