A/N: I suck, I know. I was going to write the party in this chapter, but I've been so busy, I just couldn't find the time or the energy to write it. But here is more fun stuff. I'm not giving up on this story. I'm just dealing with muse blocking and a family medical emergency. I still love you guys.
Peace, Love, and Slyther
Gimi aka Jess
The two sisters stared at the image of Bellatrix that was projected through the door. The Parkinson girl had mentioned how their sister continually stared at the enchanted window, at the past, exactly like she was doing now, watching her infant daughter toddle around the garden. Andromeda let out a breath and squeezed Narcissa's hand. Chest out, shoulders back, she opened the door.
Narcissa stood hand in hand with her older sister, the other at her mouth. Of the two, she had seen Bellatrix more recently and even then, she had not recognised her. Now, after the war and the madness had taken their toll, while she resembled her beloved sister of the past, she stood there unsure of her. Rodolphus had said his wife had changed, was his love, but not. She now could see what he meant. This Bellatrix looked more as the woman she once was physically, but the lines on her face and the lost look in her grey eyes, they couldn't be more different.
Bellatrix waved her hand, returning the memory to glass and caught Andromeda's eye within the reflection. Emotion flashed through her features before she pulled it back. Never let them see the pain, her mother's voice filled her head.
Andromeda could almost see their mother's influence and years of training snap back into Bellatrix. She snorted, surprising her younger sisters.
"Snap out of it Bella," she said harshly walking further into the room, "We aren't the healers, it's just Cissy and Andy. Cut the bullshite."
"Andromeda," Narcissa said frowning at her sister.
Andromeda shook her head, "No, it's time she stops this Cissy."
Turning to Bellatrix, "Do you think you're the only one who suffers from their choices in the past? Don't you think we all do? Your pain isn't the worst there is. Stop torturing yourself."
Bellatrix stood, "You think I enjoy this? I wish for the madness to reclaim me, for maybe, then, I could be free. Free to forget my sins!"
Andromeda stomped up to her sister and grabbed her arms, "You should feel guilty Bella! You did despicable things, you should never forget that!"
"Andy!" Narcissa yelled, at her sister. The blonde could see the sparks begin to jump from both sisters' hair, the corkscrew curls getting wilder by the second.
Andromeda gripped her sister harder, seeing the pain in her eyes, "My daughter is dead! Her husband, not to mention Ted. Do you remember him? My husband?! Dead at the hands of your comrades! My grandson will never know his parents, must rely on stories. DON'T. FORGET! I WILL NOT LET YOU!" Andromeda's harsh words echoed through the small room, her hold on Bella, so hard, Bellatrix winced and tried to pull away. Tears began to flow freely down the older witch's face, "Don't forget Bella, but you have to forgive yourself," Andromeda said, her voice dropping to a whisper, loosening her hold finally.
Bellatrix held onto her older sister's arms, gripping her by the elbows, the first real contact she had with her older sister in over twenty years. Held her tightly, almost afraid that she was a figment of her wild imagination, "I… I don't… I don't know if I am forgivable Droma, " she said, whispering her grief back to her big sister, just like when they were children, "I know I am not, I deserve to die. I don't know how it all happened! The flashes of death, the hate, the loathing- the…" Bellatrix said with a gasp, tears staining her cheeks, mirroring her sister, "I… Gods Droma, I murdered Sirius! How… I know we never got along, not the way you did, but my cousin! I don't know the woman I have become! It was like the person I am was trapped within my head, forced to watch- unable to stop the evil that overtook me. You know— you know, I did not want this, I - I couldn't! Oh, Merlin! Droma, the innocents I… I can't! Where did my life go?! How? The way that my daughter looked at me? I still see her face- THE TERROR! And I can see-" Bellatrix broke down, gasping for air, her legs giving out beneath her. Narcissa ran to her sisters, pulling Bellatrix into her lap, the three women falling to the ground together. The three Black sisters, the last of their name, broken and bruised.
Andromeda grabbed her sister's face, forcing her to look into her eyes, "You are not unforgivable Bella. You feel the guilt, the pain. You know the difference and show remorse! Those are all qualities that show redemption."
Bellatrix shook her head, "I don't deserve it,"
Andromeda shrugged, "Maybe you don't, but it's not your decision. Bella, Lyra is not without forgiveness," her eyes softened as she took in the pain in her sister's eyes, once again, remembering their childhood and the demands put upon the children belonging to Ancient and Most Noble House of Black. Herself, Bellatrix, Sirius, and Regulus. She thought of her nephew Draco, all pressured and taught to conform. She and Sirius got out of it, disowned from the family, but put the pressure on Bella and Reg. The two of them had no way out, not after what happened to herself and Sirius. Being disowned had worked for herself, but Bellatrix, she wouldn't have been allowed to marry Rodolphus as a disowned witch. And Rodolphus was all Bella had ever wanted.
"Droma," Bellatrix said quietly, "Droma, I don't know if I can. The pain, the destruction I've caused… the guilt courses through my veins faster than blood. It's overwhelming, I see the Longbottom boy and am close to drowning. Lyra, I see her and I want to rip my skin off as penance. My little girl, I—- I—-, Cissy, Droma, I want her to strike me dead. I don't deserve Roddy or her-"
Narcissa laid her head against her sister's. It had been years since she could see her sister within the witch. Not the madwoman that had been to Azkaban, but the sister of her youth. The wars had changed the Black sisters. While the public was only privy to the stoic and regal Narcissa Malfoy, but she longed for a time where she could be as carefree as her niece.
The thought of her niece made her hopeful. Hermione Lyra LeStrange. The young woman was more forgiving than any of their family. She accepted Draco, her cousin. A cousin who had been horrible throughout the years, she had forgiven her, even her Death Eater uncle and father. Narcissa could not fathom being that accepting, that was not a Black Family trait. Forgiveness must have been something she learned from her muggle family. She was changing the pureblood families, she may not have intended to, but Narcissa has seen her work, first with her friends, with her father, and now… now in the regretful eyes of her, once, loving mother. Yes, Hermione LeStrange was changing them all. She was the factor that would change the light in which Dark families would be seen. The darkness had never tainted her.
OoOoOoO
Rodolphus wandered through the gardens of LeStrange Estates, the weather, hot and sticky, as it always was during the summer months. He had been staying away from his family, the outburst with his wife bringing up the guilt that continually hummed under his flesh. The families he had a hand in destroying, the children he had made orphans, the madness he had sent his fellow wizards into. His time as a dark wizard was not one within the shadows. No, he was not innocent in his service, no one was. Because of that, he knew that he would never truly be freed. Bellatrix continued to remind him of the life he longed to forget but was destined to relive.
"Rodolphus," Hermione called out from the steps of the manor. Spotting him, she began to stroll over to her father. He had been standing by one of the many trees, trapped within his head when his daughter came up. Hermione, touching her father's arm sighed, "Rodolphus, you've been avoiding me for days."
The man with the blue eyes looked down at his daughter, "I don't deserve this, I don't deserve you."
Hermione sighed, "Rodolphus, you must know that I don't believe you aren't without guilt. That you aren't without your demons. I'm not disillusioned to think that you are innocent. I know what you have done-"
"No you don't," He said angrily, shaking his head and hitting his fist against the tree. Bowtruckles peaked their green heads out of various holes of the tree and quickly retreated deep within.
"You don't realise the depths of depravity I had to take part of. I am not a good man."
Hermione snorted, giving her father a sneer that so resembled her mother, she said, "Oh no, I'm sure Voldemort just had you cutting up potion ingredients during your time as a Death Eater," she said, sarcasm laced throughout the words, "I know what you have done, I am not making excuses for you, certainly not for Bellatrix." Rodolphus turned away from his daughter, knowing she did not understand.
Hermione let out a deep growl, causing Rodolphus to turn her way as she began to stomp off. He watched as she made her way a few paces away & turn back, pink in the face and hair wild.
"When will this get easier? When will we just stop dwelling on the past or our mistakes?" Rodolphus began to open his mouth to answer, but the livid girl brandished her wand and muttered a spell at lightning speed, taking his voice from him, "I'm not finished!" She shouted, stowing her wand back up her sleeve.
"I'm tired of all of this! I'm tired of the drama of my life! Do you know how sick I get sometimes?! Of the heaviness that surrounds me? And not just from you, or from Bella. From ME! I'm tired of feeling guilty because I find myself caring for you! For feeling pity towards Bella, or from feeling attracted to Finn! I'm TIRED of it ALL. I'm bogged down from the looks and the whispers, from the sneers or fear I see in the eyes of STRANGERS as I walk past as if I SOMEHOW CHANGED IN PERSONALITY AS WELL AS APPEARANCE! I'm tired of acting brave but not feeling so. My family is SO FUCKED that I can't see anything around me but darkness. When will this end? When can I look at my parents, my husband and NOT feel anything but love? WHAT HAVE I DONE IN MY LIFE TO NOT DE— not deserve that!" Hermione's voice cracked as she dropped to her knees, tears in her eyes, "Why can't we just move forward? Not just pretend, but truly begin to heal," she looked up at her father, "Why can't you just be my father? Why can't you stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that I need you? Good or not, you're the only father I have left and I need you."
In a bold move that was much more a trait of his daughter's than his own, Rodolphus knelt next to her and held her in his arms as her tears began to fall. "I-" Rodolphus was surprised to hear his voice, Hermione's spell breaking in her distress, "I'm sorry Lyra," he pulled away from his daughter, holding her at arm's length, "You do deserve to have a family that hadn't been plotting your demise years ago. A family that didn't actively seek your destruction, while you were still a child. You will never know how much I want that for you, for you to not be in this position, for a time turner, so I never signed that contract with Rowle. So that even if I never knew you as my daughter, you would have married the Weasley boy and been happy." He brought his daughter back into his arms, "I wish for that, yet I am so incredibly lucky to have you"
He sighed and continued, "I am a selfish man though, and I am not sorry you came back to me. As much as your happiness means, and I am a better man because you are here. Though I am a man with regrets, regrets that cost many people their lives. Witch, wizard, muggle, and even children…" His voice trailed off, "Living life with you, the one I no longer deserve - haven't- since you were a baby, it reminds me of those mistakes. I may cope better than your mother, but I have the same demons. I don't deserve this life. Not when I have taken it from so many others."
Hermione understood, as mad as she was, at his distance, she knew what he meant. Harry would sometimes feel the same when they were kids. Worried that he wasn't living to his potential, that his parents, Sirius, Remus, and many others, living to their standards after they had sacrificed so much for him. Survivor's guilt, not uncommon, though, she supposed it would be worse for a recovering Death Eater, regaining his or her sanity and integrating back into wizarding life.
Hermione stood up, reaching down for her father. Rodolphus stared at her small hand for a moment before putting his much larger one against his and stood himself.
"Please don't think I have forgotten what kind of man you were during the war, the devastation you brought to this world we live in. I haven't. Not for you, for Finn, and not for Bella. I'm not looking to forget, but I need to move on. The engagement party is days away, the wedding is in less than a week after that. Narcissa is planning something I can't even begin to fathom filling. I know she feels like I'm the redemption of the Black and LeStrange families and all I feel is the repulsion in most people's gazes." Her lip began to tremble, "I know I'm to be stoic, Finn grounds me, reminding me to keep my head up like the proper pureblood I am, but… I'm… I'm not a real pureblood. I feel like an imposter. I'm still that little muggle girl who was picked on for being different. My whole life is based on being different, not fitting in and I can't shake this feeling of… never belonging. I have parents again, and I can't even lean on you or Bella because you're both stuck inside your guilt and I'm failing father, I… I can't…"
Rodolphus pulled her into his chest once again as his little girl began to sob again. His heart, breaking once again, at the fractured girl in front of him. She was so strong, for him, for her friends, her family. But inside, she was still a lost girl. Never finding where she belonged. Another brick of guilt to add to his already full shoulders. His daughter, his beautiful Lyra, not knowing her place because of his choices, his familial obligations. Made to be known as a muggleborn and hated by the same people he had aligned himself with. Never fitting, but carving her place in the world without her true family. Yes, she was broken, but that would heal. This young woman standing in front of him, sobbing in a moment of weakness, from the utter chaos that had become her life, she needed to let it out, to release the emotions she bottled inside, a trait she inherited from her mother in her better days. But soon, she would return to be the pillar of strength that she was born to be. The one that helped her side win the war. She was broken, but not for long.
OoOoOoO
Thorfinn fiddled with his dicky bow while staring at his reflection in the mirror. It was the night of his engagement party and his first formal introduction as Hermione's fiancé. Somehow, as high profile as his intended was, they had managed to keep their comings and goings from a majority of the media. He was sure everyone had already known and had their opinions on the… the situation, but he found that he didn't care much.
Ingrid stood at the door, a look of amusement on her face at her older brother. To the unsuspecting person, he looked like a man fixing his bow, but to his sister, the man was nervous. Being a potioneer, a one-time aspiring potion master, he was always sure of his movements. Potions tend to blow up without steady hands. Intricate wand gestures, precise measurements, and timing, he was the master of them all. At least, until he met the woman he would call his wife.
Ingrid could see how the relationship was unfolding before them. She had been scared in the beginning. Scared that her brother would be the arrogant ass he had been in school.
Being a quidditch player and a potions prodigy, not to mention, a Rowle, had given him an inflated ego. Then, as a Death Eater, he was required to hold himself to a higher regard, or risk drawing attention to himself negatively. Had he been from a lower family, he could have melded into the ranks and no one would notice. But again, being a Rowle had its disadvantages as well as it's perks. Sacred 28 and a second-generation Death Eater, he was always in the crosshairs.
Knowing of Hermione, from school and what little she had read in the papers, Ingrid knew the union could have been difficult, possibly deadly had Thorfinn pushed hard enough. While Ingrid was sure Hermione's family disposition would have the woman facing the bond head-on, there was always an inkling that bagged at her mind. Hermione was still the epitome of their former houses. Recklessness went hand in hand with all Gryffindors. That made them unpredictable.
Over the last month, she saw Hermione thaw towards her brother, something she had not expected, but then again, his feelings for her had been baffling as well. She was surprised when their hostility turned into more, and at the speed that it had. As she watched her brother continue to fiddle, she smiled, yes, she hadn't expected for Thorfinn to fall for the Gryffindor, but though he may deny it, she could see that he had.