"Aren't you doing anything for New Year's?" Sirius asked, voice soft, arm still wrapped firmly around Remus.

"New Year's?"

"New Year's Eve. That's why you were at James and Lily's? Right?"

Remus was supremely confused now. Was it New Year's? He honestly wasn't sure. The past few days had been a bit of a mess. Trying to keep everything in order, but the stress had gotten to him much more than he would ever admit. And his fibro didn't react well to normal amounts of stress, let alone this whole conflict thing with Sirius that had been going on. He was glad that it had calmed down a bit today, or else he just wouldn't be able to be pressed so close to Sirius. Which would've been terrible, as much as he hated to think it. He was aching, but that was normal, so it was okay. It would be okay. He'd rather be in a little extra pain close to Sirius, than almost the same amount of pain, away.

"Hey, earth to Remus." Sirius was waving his left hand in front of Remus' face, probably for a lot longer than should've been necessary. But it didn't seem like Sirius minded much.

"Ah, sorry," Remus replied, batting Sirius' hand away. "No, not doing anything for New Year's. Didn't even realise it was."

"Fair enough." Sirius paused, tugging at his hair — and shit Remus wanted to run his hands through that boy's hair — "Do, do you want me to leave? You could make plans if you wanted to."

"No, no I've really got no plans. Do I seem like the type of person to go out partying? If James and Lil haven't organised anything then I don't generally go anywhere." Remus gave a nervous laugh, and he realised just how much he didn't want Sirius to leave.

"You might be. You could. If you wanted to."

"Yeah, no thanks. How about you? You're definitely the right type of person for that." Remus hoped that didn't sound rude, but it was true. Sirius with his leather, his jewelry, his motorbike. Sirius and glitter and lights and dancing. Yeah, Sirius was that kind of person.

"No, not tonight. Sure, I've done it before. And sure, it's great. But not tonight."

"Wanna stay?" Remus asked softly, barely more than a murmur, but the question clear. "I mean, you don't have to of course. It's not like it's the nicest place, it's not like it's particularly exciting," he quickly added on, realising just how intimate things had become. Sitting basically pressed into each other, talking softly. Intimate.

"I know I don't have to. I want to. Yes, I want to." Sirius was smiling now, and he pulled away from Remus a little, sitting so they could look at each other properly. Remus had noticed that Sirius had never really been one for eye contact, though his eyes were so expressive. He'd meet anyone's gaze, but was quick to look away. Remus wondered why it was, he wondered if it was something that had always been like that. But right now, he wondered why Sirius was holding this moment for so long. Looking directly into each other's eyes. Sirius' steel grey soft and kind, smiling. Remus' amber warm and glowing, nervous.

"Well, we can't set off any fireworks here, but I'm sure we'll be able to see them." It was Remus who broke the moment, much to his surprise. He was curious as to why Sirius had held the eye contact for so long, but he wasn't going to ask. Not after their recent fight. He would just accept that something had happened, and honestly, it wasn't like that was going to be that hard.

"Fireworks are good, but I don't mind if we can't see them. We've got awhile to wait 'til then anyway."

"Yeah, yeah I guess we do. Three hours? Something like that?" Remus asked, he didn't actually know what time he had gotten home. He certainly didn't know how long they had talked for, and he didn't know how long they'd just sat there together, breathing in the regained peace.

"Two and a half," Sirius replied, checking his phone. "I have to say, I was surprised that Lily said I should come round tonight. I thought all of you would do something."

"We generally do. I mean, we all went to school together, so there's that. But yeah. Normally I would say that it was because Jamie and Lil wanted to fuck, but I think James is a bit overprotective at the moment." Remus paused for a moment, thinking. "Though thinking about it now, that's probably why we're not doing anything."

Sirius' eyes widened before he replied with, "Ah, I see."

"Why the shock?"
I've just never heard you talk about sex freely?" Sirius shook his head and grinned a little. "It's not a bad thing, just new, I guess."

"Ah, I see."

It was the only response Remus could think of without telling Sirius that he was asexual. Normally, he'd just have told him, but they'd already done the intense part of the evening. Neither of them needed anything more to it. And he knew that Sirius wouldn't react badly, most likely, but he also knew that it generally took a lot of explaining. Explaining things like how he did still feel romantic attraction, and how he did still like kissing people. He'd kissed enough people in his life to know that he definitely did. And it also added a whole other level to his relationship with Gilderoy. He definitely didn't want to end up talking about Gilderoy. Not tonight. Not on New Year's Eve. Not when he was spending New Year's Eve with Sirius.

"What's up, amour?" Sirius asked, looking somewhat worried at Remus' expression. Remus must have been thinking longer than he'd realised.

"Nothing important, annwyl," came Remus' response, accompanied with a soft smile. It was easy to call Sirius annwyl and he didn't mind that so much. He had accepted it by now. And he didn't think it was easy because he loved Sirius like he loved James. No, that didn't seem quite right. He didn't really want to think about the other option, but it seemed like that was it. Of course, because things couldn't just be simple, could they?

"How stupid do you think I am!" Sirius exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

"Well… Now that you ask," Remus teased, "I'm sure I could tell you."

"That's just plain rude." Sirius poked Remus' arm. "I knew you liked insulting people."

"I never said I didn't."

"Evil. Good thing you and Andy don't see each other more often."

"I quite enjoyed my time with Andy."

"You spent most of your time with Dora," Sirius pointed out, eyebrows raised.

He was right, Remus couldn't disagree. "True."

"So, what's up?"

"Do we have to go through this again? Nothing important? Will it work this time?" Remus tried, wincing a little.

"You don't have to talk about it, but it's definitely something important. Tu peux me faire confiance."

"I've got no idea what you just said, and I know you speak English fluently."

"I do. But I also speak French, and you can't really tell me you don't like hearing French."

Remus sighed at that. He did like hearing Sirius speak French, and as much as that was because French was a beautiful language, he had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with the fact that it was because it was Sirius speaking French.

"I was right, wasn't I?"

"Dim sylw," Remus muttered, shaking his head.

"Are you going to tell me what's got you so worked up, cheri?"

"I'm asexual." It was blunt. It was the best way to come out, Remus had found. It was easier to be blunt about it than to stutter over it and make it soft for the other person. He'd tried that before. It hadn't worked. So, why would he try it again?

"Garçon stupide!" Sirius shook his head and leaned forward to hug Remus, before gripping his shoulders and pulling away a little. "I wouldn't care about that! Not at all. Thank you for trusting me, chéri. It's all okay. Comment vous sentiriez-vous si je vous embrassais? You don't mind hugs though?"

"I understood the first part, you made that pretty clear," Remus said, laughing.

It was okay, it was okay, Sirius didn't mind.

"But I have no idea what the second part was. Comma what-now?" Remus was grinning, and he was simultaneously excited and calm.

"If you could understand that I would've been surprised to say the least." Sirius grinned back at Remus, brushing his hair away from his face. "Basically it means: you don't mind hugs though?"

"No, no I would've told you before now if I had a problem with that. No, no I do genuinely like hugs and all the physical affection — that sounds weird — it's just sex that's a no. Literally, kissing, hugging, anything else is all good, just no sex. And I mean, I don't feel sexual attraction, but I can obviously tell when someone's attractive and all that."

"Cool, cool. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't making you feel uncomfortable or anything."

Remus could feel the relief flooding through him, as cliché as that was. Everything was calmer now. He could feel his shoulders relax, he could feel his heart slowing down a little. He never thought that Sirius would be upset about it or anything, but still, there was always that fear. That unconscious fear. Maybe not for everyone, but definitely for him. And he was glad that his didn't have to have that conversation with Sirius ever again. And really, after he'd mentioned his fibro when talking about Gilderoy, that was all the major things that Sirius — that anyone, not just Sirius — needed to know. Pan. Ace. Fibro.

"No, no you've definitely not made me uncomfortable. But thank you for checking, that's, it's really nice of you."

"I'm a very nice person," Sirius replied, putting on his poshest sounding voice. A very realistic sounding one, Remus would've said.

"Mhm, sure you are."

"Hey!"

"Well, is that really how you want to be known? Nice?" Remus asked, partly curious, partly sarcastic. Wondering which part Sirius would play along with.

"Well, it would be rather cool to be Nice," Sirius replied, smirking as he said the name of the city.

"Hurtyn." Because of course, the only good reply to Sirius was a Welsh insult.

"And you say French is weird."

"It is!"

"Welsh is worse."
"Debatable."

"Not at all. It's definitely worse."
"Ddim yn hollol."

"Définitivement pire."

"Rydym yn wallgof."

"Pourrais-je avouer en français?"

"A fyddech chi'n dweud na pe bawn i'n gofyn i chi cusanu?"

"C'est bizarre!"

"I can guess what that one means!" Remus exclaimed, before they both dissolved into laughter.

Both shaking with mirth, eyes sparkling with excitement. The only sound in the room was laughter and gasping breaths. Neither of them really knew why they were laughing. Neither of them knew what the other was saying after all. But they were ridiculous. This was ridiculous. In the best possible way. Remus was laughing so much that he was almost falling off the couch, and Sirius had to grab his arm and pull him back up. It was the most Remus had laughed in a long time. It was definitely the freest he'd ever seen Sirius. Sirius, looking stunning as usual, hair brushed behind his ears, eyes lit up with tears from laughing so much, looking like something magical. It was the perfect scene, Remus realised, the English lit student coming out in him. It was different perfect to the perfect at James' parents. This was more personal, this was more intense. This was everything he could want right now. This was home.

—

Time had passed with more laughter, more conversation, more comfort. Remus had taken Sirius to see his piles of books in his room after Sirius had made a comment about just how many books Remus had. Remus had replied with a, "oh come with me". The look on Sirius' face had sent Remus into more laughter. After that they'd sat down on Remus' bed, and he realised he couldn't remember the last time he had someone sit on his bed. It must've been at school. James didn't often come over, not for lack of trying though. And of course, it had been more Gilderoy's bed than Remus'.

So this was nice. Really nice. More than nice. It felt right. Sirius and he on his bed, laughing, talking. Remus explaining why he liked particular books, Sirius pointing out which ones he'd read and why he liked them. Sirius mentioning that he liked the stories Remus had written in his Christmas present. Remus had blushed bright red and had pointed out that the picture Sirius had painting was hanging on his bedroom wall. Clearly, they were both good at choosing presents. Or rather, creating them. And that time, it was Sirius who, well he didn't blush, but he certainly looked away very… embarrassed. An expression Remus had never though he'd see on Sirius.

Confident, proud, brilliant, beautiful Sirius. Embarrassed? No, no Remus could never have guessed that an embarrassed Sirius even existed. Apparently though, Embarrassed Sirius did exist, and it was extraordinarily adorable. Another thing Remus wouldn't have guessed. Gorgeous, funny, beautiful, attractive, yes. He imagined that other people would see Sirius as sexy. But adorable? Well, it wasn't something he'd imagined, but yes, yes Sirius could be and definitely was adorable. Becoming more and more like a dog it seemed.

Remus had pointed this out, which had only led them to more laughter.

—

Now it was five minutes to midnight, and standing by the window, Remus wondered if the two of them should stop smoking before the New Year began. It probably wasn't the healthiest thing to bring into the New Year, but then again, it wasn't really likely that either of them were going to quit anyway. So what was the point of pretending? Really?

"Do you think we should stop the smoking?" Sirius asked, just as Remus opened his mouth to mention it.

"Are you a mind reader?" Remus exclaimed incredulously, throwing up his hands. Thy had always had good timing, the two of them, even if they didn't know it.

"No, I don't think so. Not the last time I checked anyway." Sirius grinned, brushing his hair away from his face — Remus couldn't count the times Sirius had done that tonight, clearly he needed a haircut, but god, it was attractive. "Why do you ask?"

"I was just about to ask you the same thing," Remus explained, "But clearly, you beat me to it. I was wondering though, if either of us are actually planning on quitting?"
"I was thinking about it, my brother told me he was concerned about it the other day."

"That's sweet that he's concerned," Remus replied, smiling a little. The last time Sirius had mentioned his brother, it hadn't been a pleasant conversation. It wasn't really all that long ago, now that he thought about it.

Sirius took a long drag of his cigarette before exhaling and replied, "Yeah, it is sweet. I wish he would get out of there though. Be more concerned about himself for once."
"Fair enough." Remus wrapped an arm around Sirius. He didn't quite know why he did it, he thought he might need the contact as much as Sirius.

Sirius grinned and turned to face Remus more, half faced to the window, half to Remus. "Almost midnight."

"Almost midnight," Remus echoed, looking out the window. Unaware of Sirius' eyes watching him gently.

He thought maybe it best not to look at Sirius. Sirius in the moonlight, in the haze of midnight, of being in his room, of this closeness. But really, how could anyone help it? He most certainly didn't know, and he wasn't about to find out either. So he turned, surprised when he found Sirius' eyes ready to meet his own. It was the most eye contact they'd ever had, and right now, Sirius' eyes were more beautiful than ever. Long eyelashes, grey irises, and catching the moonlight, if Remus could paint, this is what he would paint. He could hear people counting down the seconds to midnight. Clearly they were over-excited because they were starting at sixty. To the new year. To a new beginning. But it was all half lost in the haze of excitement and happiness, of moonlight and almost-midnight.

Neither of them spoke until the people counting got to fifteen. It was Sirius who spoke first, eyes bright, breaking the eye contact, "I suppose we should count too." Running a hand through his hair.

"I suppose so," Remus agreed, half nodding. Delighted when their eyes met again, unable to stop his grin.

"Ready?" Sirius asked, smiling slightly, genuinely.

Remus smiled back, leaning against the window frame. "Yeah, I am. Are you?"
"Of course." Sirius tugged at his hair, shifting his eyes around again.

"Stupid question, isn't it?"

"Absolument."

"Let's talk English for now, yeah?"

"Yeah. Yeah, let's do that."

"Thanks for being here."

"Thanks for letting me stay."

There was silence then. Rain starting to fall, people still counting outside. Seven. They were back to eye contact again, and Remus couldn't believe it. He also couldn't believe that Sirius was thanking him for letting him stay. There was no one Remus would've liked to be here more. There's no one else he would have wanted to stand in front of an open window, ignoring the people counting down below, with. No one.

The rain started falling faster, louder. Remus could hear it on the roof, feel it blowing through the window. He didn't care. It was almost midnight. Sirius was here. That was all he cared about at the moment. Standing with their arms just brushing against each other, cigarettes stubbed out, watching each other. Listening to the counts, to the rain, to the record Remus had put on earlier. Another scene Remus would paint. Another photograph he'd take. But he'd much rather be standing here, experiencing it. So he did. Standing there with Sirius. That's all he did.

"Happy new year, Remus. Mon amour."

"Happy new year, Sirius. Fy nghariad."

Their words were gentle whispers. Barely more than a breath. But still, they heard each other perfectly, as people do in moments when things are perfectly timed, perfectly coordinated, perfectly unplanned. Their smiles were as soft as their words. A contrast against the cheering from downstairs, a peace against the fireworks from the city. Both caught in a silver-blue haze of relief. Neither quite sure where to go from here. Not that either of them really minded. Neither minded about very much. Just keeping this calmness. Just keeping each other. Just being okay. And they were. Caught in their silver-blue haze, Remus felt okay, and Sirius looked more at peace than Remus had ever seen him. They were okay.

Some translations!

Tu peux me faire confiance - You can trust me

Dim sylw - No comment

Chéri - Darling

Garçon stupide! - Stupid boy!

Comment vous sentiriez-vous si je vous embrassais bien? - How would you feel if I kissed you though?

Hurtyn - Stupid

Ddim yn hollol - Absolutely not

Définitivement pire - Definitely worse

Rydym yn wallgof - We are insane

Pourrais-je avouer en français - Can I confess in French?

A fyddech chi'n dweud na pe bawn i'n gofyn i chi cusanu - Would you say no if I asked to kiss you?

C'est bizarre - This is crazy

Absolument - Absolutely

Mon amour - My love

Fy nghariad - My love