Chapter nineteen

Most of the Christmas holidays of my life had been pretty modest. I'd usually spent it just with my mom or my dad, since they were taking turns in having me during the holidays. Just once I'd stayed at Hogwarts for the Yule Ball and two years ago I stayed with the Weasleys to give Ginny support when her dad had been attacked. I knew this Christmas would be different from what I'd been used to and I couldn't wait.

As I found out, the Cullens usually exchanged gifts right after midnight, not waiting for the Christmas morning. This year though it would be a little different. I and Charlie were invited for dinner on Christmas Eve and we would be exchanging gifts right after. I would then stay the night and even though Esme had told Charlie he could stay too, he refused.

Two more guests were expected to show up for dinner. Toby and Sarah. Toby's mother's condition wasn't getting much better, the poisoning was worse that they'd thought, and she might never fully recover. She was still in hospital so it didn't surprise me that Esme had invited Toby and Sarah to spend Christmas Eve with us so they wouldn't be alone.

So on December 24th I and Esme spent the whole day in the kitchen at the Cullens, trying to make an edible dinner. The smell of food effectivelly ensured that no one else would come anywhere near the kitchen.

"You are a very brave woman, Esme," I said with a grin while I was standing over a turkey we'd bought yesterday.

"I enjoy cooking. If the smell gets to be too much, I just stop breathing for a while," she said with a shrug.

Even though we'd gotten quite good at cooking during the last few months, we'd never made such a big meal. I had helped Renee the previous years but this was different. Before, she'd always been there and I'd never been the one making the whole thing. Fortunatelly, she'd offered her help when I called her a few days ago, saying that if we needed her advise, she'd be ready on the phone.

In the end, we didn't really need her help but I still called her, just to talk to her. She was in an unusually bad mood, saying they were on the way to Phil's parents and complaining about his mother for most of the time we talked.

Around noon, we decided to take a break so I could have lunch. I made just a few toasts for myself, knowing that the dinner would be big, and sat down at the table.

"What was the best present you've ever gotten, Esme?" I asked while chewing on the toast.

"Oh, that would be the island Carlisle gave me for our fiftieth anniversary," she said, a dreamy look on her face.

I nearly choked on my toast. "An island?"

She laughed, patting my hand gently. "Just a small one, but it's a beautiful and private place."

"But an island, Esme? That must have cost a fortune." I couldn't believe it. It just seemed too much.

Esme chuckled. "Bella, it's not that unusual. There are quite a few rich people that own an island."

Ugh. She was probably right. Still, I couldn't wrap my head around it. To have such amount of money seemed incomprehensible to me. What if Edward wanted to give something like that to me? Would I manage to be grateful, knowing how much money he spent on me?

My discomfort must have shown on my face because Esme let out a sigh and moved closer to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Listen, Bella. I understand that it must seem incredible to you but one of the things you'll learn when you're one of us is that money is not a problem. Carlisle has been working as a doctor for three centuries, Edward inherited money from his parents and of course we have Alice for the stock market investments. We donate to charities on regular basis and still have more than enough to spend it on things we enjoy." Then she smiled. "And even though Carlisle bought Isle Esme for me, we all go there from time to time to have some much needed privacy. Usually in couples. I'm sure Edward has plans to take you there at some point too."

I had to admit that the idea of being alone with Edward on a private island was very tempting. I thought about everything Esme had said. I knew she was right and I had been overreacting but I just wasn't used to it.

When I didn't say anything, her smile faded a little and she took my hand, looking in my eyes. "Edward is a very generous person. It's in his nature. Please, Bella, let him spoil you a little. I know it would make him happy."

"But I have nothing to give him in return."

I heard an exasperated sigh from behind me. I turned around and saw Edward leaning against the doorway with crossed arms. From the corner of my eye I saw Esme stand up and go check on the turkey in the oven. Edward closed the gap between us and sat down in the chair Esme had just vacated.

He sat there, resting his elbows on his knees, staring at the floor with a frown. Then he looked up, taking my hands in his.

"Bella, we had this conversation once before, remember? I gave you the phone and you got upset."

I nodded. I did remember the moment very well. "You said you were the one in debt. But you never told me why."

"It was still too soon." His eyes slid to our joined hands. "Back then I still wasn't sure about your feelings. I knew you cared but I thought that was it. But still… you gave me hope, however small, that you might choose me after all. That alone was more than anything I could have hoped for." He looked up into my eyes. "Now that I know you actually love me and are willing to become one of us just for me… Not to mention what you've done for my family… You've brought your world to us - magic, new friends, we don't have to hide from everyone…" He shook his head, a small smile appearing on his face. "You already gave me too much, Bella. No matter what I might buy for you, it'll never feel like it's enough."

I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly dry. I didn't know what to say to that. I'd never realized that what I'd taken as something normal and unimportant, meant something else to him. "I… I guess I see your point," I muttered.

"Do you?"

"Yeah. I mean… money doesn't mean much when you don't have anyone to enjoy it with, right?"

He nodded. "I know there are people who would give anything to be rich but… before I met you, I'd rather have had no money at all than live this existence alone. Then you turned up and gave me everything." His lips spread into a smile again. "So, please, Bella, allow me to try to pay you back from time to time."

I sighed. "Okay, I'll try." Then I frowned. "No islands, though."

Edward laughed, throwing his head back. "I promise I'll wait for at least a few decades to even think about it." I rolled my eyes at him and he grinned, leaning in to kiss me. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to get some fresh air." He wrinkled his nose.

"You know, if I didn't know better, I'd be offended."

He laughed again, dropping a kiss on my forehead and quickly walked out of the kitchen.

Charlie arrived a few minutes after four and Toby and Sarah about fifteen minutes later. Toby brought a bouquet of flowers for Esme and little Sarah, who was too impatient to wait for after dinner, gave us all pictures of each member of the family, including me and Charlie. She had drawn them in a magical ink that caused the drawings move. For a five-year-old she was very talented and we all promised to have them framed and hang them in our rooms.

The dinner was really good and I was glad that there were four of us eating. It had always made me feel self-conscious when I ate alone in front of the Cullens. After dinner, Esme served the four of us a slice of pecan pie we'd made in the afternoon.

Once we finished, we all moved to the living room. Under the lit Christmas tree there was a huge pile of boxes of all shapes and sizes. It was impossible to stop Sarah from running right to the tree with a high pitched squeal. I wondered if she still believed in Santa Claus so I asked Toby in whisper.

"Well, yes, only she doesn't believe the whole Santa climbing through the chimney thing. He just sends them under the tree magically." He smirked. We all looked at Sarah, who was now enthusiastically opening all the boxes that had her name on them, not paying us any attention. Rosalie was helping her to avoid accidental papercuts.

"It does make more sense," I admitted which made Charlie laugh. "What?"

"Too bad I didn't think of that when you were just a little older than her and kept asking me how could a fat old man climb through a chimney without getting stuck in it."

Everyone laughed and I felt my cheeks heat up. "What? It was a legitimate question," I said with a huff.

"What did you tell her?" Edward asked Charlie with a chuckle.

"He said that Santa just threw the packages down the chimney because he had to visit like a billion other households in one night." I said quickly and stuck out my tongue at Charlie. Now it was his turn to blush as everyone laughed.

The rest of us then started opening the packages as well. I and Edward had already decided to exchange gifts later in the privacy of Edward's room and I knew that the other couples had similar plans. There was still a lot of presents left under the tree though.

Alice let out a squeal nearly as loud as Sarah's when she opened the gift from me, even though she'd known what it was since the minute I'd thought of buying it for her. She held out a small bottle full of colourless liquid and beamed at me with happiness. "Thank you, Bella!"

"What is it?" Jasper asked curiously. Charlie had finally taken pity on him and didn't protest too much against Jasper being in the same room as me. Still, Jasper had fed even more than usual last night and now was sitting as far from me and Sarah as possible, just in case.

"Um, it makes the hair grow," I said with a smile. "It only lasts for 24 hours though."

"I don't care! I can always buy more!" Alice threw her arms around me, nearly knocking me to the floor.

The others were excited too as they opened their gifts from me. Esme looked happy when she unwrapped the sketchbook and a set of always sharp pencils that went with it. Rosalie beamed at me as she held a bottle of magical nail polish that changed colours according to the person's mood.

"What is that?" asked Emmett curiously, peering into a dark box he'd just opened.

"It's a jokes kit," I said, watching his grin grow. "I just hope I won't regret this," I added, more to myself.

I felt Edward's lips on my temple. "Don't worry, I'll give you a warning if he tries something."

"Thanks," I muttered but Emmett had heard us.

"I love challenges, you know," he said in his booming voice and proceeded to examine the contents of his box.

"These are the most lifelike chess pieces I've ever seen," Carlisle marveled over his new set of chess he'd just pulled out of a box, holding one of the knights in his hand. "Thank you, Bella." He smiled, putting the knight back in the box.

"Maybe you should try playing," I suggested, eager to see his reaction when he saw the full extent of my gift.

"I will," he said but put the set aside.

"Um… maybe you could try now?"

The others laughed at my impatience, only Alice and Toby smirked. Edward was now staring at Alice with a frown; it looked like she was hiding her thoughts from him.

Carlisle raised an eyebrow but right then Jasper put aside the book about magical history he'd just opened and stood up. "I'll play with you," he said, walking to Carlisle.

"Alright then," said Carlisle with a shrug and set up the chessboard.

We all gathered around them to watch. Just as Carlisle, who had the white pieces, reached for one of his pawns to make the first move, the pawn turned to him and shouted, "Don't touch me, you savage!" Carlisle's hand froze and he looked at the offensive pawn with a shock.

I clapped my hand over my mouth to stop the giggles that threatened to escape but some of the others didn't have the same inhibitions. Emmett guffawed loudly and even sweet Esme looked like she had a hard time to keep from laughing at her husband.

"I beg your pardon?" said Carlisle after he got over the shock. Then he turned his head to me, wordlessly asking for explanation.

"Um… you have to – "

"What are you waiting for?" said the pawn suddenly, "just give me orders!"

"Yeah… that," I said as everyone laughed again. "Tell him what move you want to make."

Carlisle just nodded, too entranced to say anything and ordered the pawn to make the first move. The pawn obediently moved two squares forward.

We all watched as the game progressed, even Sarah, who'd apparently never seen wizard's chess before. She put her hands over her eyes as the chessmen started to knock each other out when being taken. It was funny to watch Jasper arguing with his chessmen about his moves. He seemed to like the game just as much as Carlisle did.

After about half an hour the rest of us let them play and we continued opening the remaining presents. As I'd suspected, I got a lot of new clothes from Alice, some books from Esme, including a very detailed cookbook which I loved, and a set of cosmetics from Rosalie. Emmett's gift surprised me: he gave me a new videogame which actually looked quite interesting.

Once all presents were open, we sat down on the sofa and armchairs and talked. The others were curious about Christmas at Hogwarts so I told them all about the only Christmas I'd spent there and of course the Yule Ball. When Alice wanted a detailed description of the dress I'd worn to the ball, I just stood up and went to Edward's room to get the photograph of me at the ball I had hidden in my trunk.

Toby and Sarah left at about nine and a few minutes later Charlie stood up as well, grabbing his new fishing rod and gear.

"I'd better go too, it's getting late," he said and I stood up too, ready to see him out. He said goodbye to the Cullens and the two of us headed for the hallway. He was putting on his jacket when he paused, looking uncertain.

"What?" I asked, leaning against the wall.

"Um… Sue called today," he said hesitantly, putting his hand on the doorknob. I waited for him to go on. He glanced toward the living room but then straightened his shoulders and said, "She invited us for dinner the day after tomorrow. She wants to meet you."

I tilted my head, trying to supress a grin. "Is there something going on between you and Sue, Dad?"

"Of course not!" He looked offended by the suggestion but at the same time I noticed his face going red. "She's still grieving for Harry, it's only been two months since he died. We're friends, that's all."

"Yeah but… you know I wouldn't mind if you found someone, right?" He'd been alone for as long as I could remember and I wished he'd finally got over my mother.

Charlie nodded. "So, what do you think? Would you like to go? Wouldn't Edward mind?"

I rolled my eyes. "Edward doesn't make decisions for me, Dad. I'll think about it."

"If you worry about Jacob then I'll make sure he won't be there."

"I can handle Jake. But it would make it easier if I didn't have to," I admitted and then I thought of something else. "Does Sue know about shapeshifters or vampires?"

He shrugged. "I don't think so. She knows some of the legends and she didn't trust Carlisle as a doctor but I think she changed her mind after he tried saving Harry's life." He shrugged again.

"Okay. I'll go with you."

"Thanks, Bells," he said with a relieved smile and hugged me before walking out into the night.

Edward was suspiciously quiet after Charlie had left. I knew he had heard me and Charlie talking and it must have bothered him but so far he hadn't brought it up. I was sure he most likely waited until we were alone in his room. So once we were sitting on his bed, I put the still wrapped package I had for him on the bedside table and turned to face him.

"You don't want me to go to La Push," I said, deciding to get it over with sooner rather than later.

I noticed his jaw clench but other than that he appeared calm. "It doesn't matter what I want. I don't make decisions for you," he said in a calm voice but I got the impression that it was with a great effort.

I rolled my eyes with a sigh. "Of course what you want matters, Edward," I said slowly, forcing myself to stay calm. "I always want to know what you want or what you think."

"Do you?" he asked and suddenly the calmness was gone. He narrowed his eyes at me, his lips pressed into a line. "You know very well how much I hate when you put yourself in danger, Bella," he hissed, his face now inches from mine.

I didn't flinch. I knew he would never hurt me.

"I seriously doubt I'll be in any danger in La Push. You heard Charlie. He'll make sure Jake won't be there and if it makes you feel better, I promise not to move from his side."

"I remember you making the same promise once, only to break it a few hours later."

I closed my eyes tightly for a few seconds. When I opened them again, Edward was still staring at me with narrowed eyes.

"And I remember you saying it was the only logical thing I could have done," I snapped but then shook my head. "Look, Edward. I don't want to fight with you, especially not tonight. But…" I hesitated, thinking of how to make him see my point, "… you can't protect me from everything. I managed to survive seventeen years without you, I'm sure I'll by fine for a few hours." He opened his mouth but I hurriedly went on. "And I'm pretty sure Jacob will not try anything, even if he turned up. He wouldn't want to break the treaty."

Edward stared at me for about a minute and I was wondering what was going on inside his head. Then he lowered his eyes and mumbled softly, "I'm sorry."

I lifted my hand and cupped his cheek, making him look at me. "Thank you," I whispered, gently kissing his lips. Then I turned around and took the package I had for him from the bedside table. "Now, can I give you my present?"

He raised his eyebrows, now focusing on the package in my hands. I suddenly felt self-conscious. What if he didn't like it? Suddenly I started doubting my idea of a gift. I looked away, frowning, feeling the heat in my cheeks.

"Bella?" Edward's voice sounded uncertain and he turned my head gently with his finger so I'd face him. "What's wrong?"

"Um… nothing. It's stupid," I said, nodding toward the gift. "I really didn't know what to get you and then Alice said something and I thought it was a good idea but now I'm not so sure and… if you don't like it, it's fine – "

Suddenly his mouth was on mine. "Shut up, will you?" he mumbled against my lips and we both laughed. I felt his hand tugging at the package until I let go. Then he gave me one more kiss and turned his head to look at what I'd gotten for him.

Biting my lower lip, I watched as he slowly unwrapped the paper and now stared at the leather bound journal in his lap. There was a new fountain pen attached to the journal with a thin string. As soon as I'd seen the pen in the shop in Western Square, I knew I had to buy it for Edward. I'd already had the journal and this seemed to go perfectly with it. It was bewitched that the ink would never run out so he could use it for however long he wanted.

Now though, he still stared at it without a word which didn't do anything to dispel my doubts.

"You don't like it," I muttered, trying to pull the journal away from Edward's lap.

His fingers wrapped gently around my wrist, stopping me. I looked up at him. He watched me with an amused expression but then his eyes slid back to the journal. "How did you come up with this idea?" he asked.

I cleared my throat before answering. "Well, Alice mentioned that you used to keep journals, so I thought that maybe you'd like to pick it up again," I said with a shrug.

Edward frowned slightly, tracing his forefinger across the leather cover of the journal. "I finished the last one shortly before I met you and haven't gotten the time to start a new one," he said, still caressing the cover.

"Well, now you can start again and you can write about us," I suggested sheepishly.

He smiled. "That's a great idea," he said, leaning toward me to kiss me. "I love it. Thank you, Bella."

I breathed out in relief. Edward put the journal aside and leaned over me to open the drawer in the bedside table. He moved fast so I didn't see what he'd taken but the next second there was a small square package wrapped neatly in golden paper sitting on my lap.

I looked up at Edward and noticed he looked a little nervous. Frowning, I turned back to the gift and carefully unwrapped the paper. Now I was staring at a black velvet box, the kind that was usually used for jewellery. I could feel Edward's eyes on my face as I slowly opened the lid.

I gasped.

There, on the velvet cushion, sat a heart-shaped stone that looked suspiciously like a diamond. It was attached to a thin silver chain.

"Is that... a diamond?" I asked quietly, dreading the answer. My eyes were still locked on the necklace.

There was a moment of silence and it made me raise my eyes. Edward had a determined look on his face.

"Well, I could lie and say it's just a crystal but you deserve better than that," he said.

"But... you said you didn't spend anything," I said accusingly.

"I didn't lie. It was my mother's."

"Oh." I didn't know what else to say to that. My eyes slipped back to the diamond heart. I traced the surface with my finger – it was cold and hard. "It's beautiful, thank you," I murmured, looking back at Edward. "Help me put it on?"

His smile was almost blinding.

A/N: I probably won't have time to post another chapter before the end of the year so I just wanted to wish you all Happy Holidays and thank you for staying with me. Oh, and thank you all who reviewed the last chapter. Reviews always make me happy :)